Title: The Arrangement
Author: Diandra Hollman
E-Mail: diandrahollman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100080888164976
Website: http://diandrahollman.neocities.org
AO3: archiveofourown.org/users/diandrahollman/works
Date Finished: 5/5/2023
Rating: NC-17
Keywords: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Civil War 
(comics), character death (but it's basically canon that 
they both die, right?), Steve Rogers/Tony Stark friends to 
lovers, Tony Stark/Pepper Potts established relationship, 
Post-Infinity War through Endgame with some changes, 
Bisexual Tony, Bisexual Steve, gay and (sort of) het sex
Spoilers: Not unless you are REALLY far behind in your MCU 
watching.
Disclaimer: Not mine. I don't make any money off this or I 
wouldn't be sweating monthly bills.
Summary: Inspired by the Black Mirror episode "Striking 
Vipers". After The Snap, Tony experiments with BARF tech 
and VR. Of course, it isn't long before someone decides to 
use it for sex. As my friend Chrissy described it: Tony and 
Steve spend the Blip fucking in The Matrix.


The Arrangement
By Diandra Hollman


Adapting the retro framing tech to work with VR proved 
fairly simple. I tried it out myself, using it to properly 
say goodbye to Nat and Peter, then to really give Strange a 
piece of my mind. I released it as a therapeutic tool. A 
sort of atonement for my failure to prevent the decimation. 
Not that anyone blamed me, really. I almost died fighting a 
literal giant. 

Of course, it wasn't long before somebody figured out how 
to tweak the code to enhance the tactile experience and 
then use it for sex. I allowed it because, frankly, I was 
impressed.

The first time I tried the new and improved version, I used 
it to punch Quill in the face. Which would probably sound 
odd to anyone who knew me - or thought they knew me - but 
my sex life was perfectly satisfying at the time and I 
really just wanted the pleasure of feeling that idiot's 
nose break. Not a healthy use of the tool, but definitely 
therapeutic.

At some point during Pepper's pregnancy though, she became 
repulsed by sex. Which was fine. For a while. But 
eventually she noticed the impact the dry spell was having 
on my mood. Using the VR was actually her idea. But even 
though I had her blessing, it still felt like cheating. 
Until I realized the mod allowed for the use of avatars of 
any sex. I created a female body, figuring it would be 
better if it didn't feel like my body, and hey, maybe I 
could learn a thing or two from the experience. Pick up a 
few tricks.

It didn't take long to realize that a LOT of people used 
avatars, not of their own creation, but of celebrities. 
Film stars, musicians, political figures...and Avengers. 

I had to make a hard rule: no Natasha Romanoffs and no Tony 
Starks. Even contemplating having sex with either was just 
too disturbing for very different reasons.

My first encounter was with "Doctor Strange". I may have 
only known the real Doc for about a day, but I knew enough 
to know the guy wearing his face knew nothing about him. He 
was too cocky. Too full of himself. Absolutely horrible as 
a lover. Which was probably why he was hiding behind the 
avatar of a national hero for hookups.

My second encounter was with "Steve Rogers". He was almost 
as bad as the first guy. Really played into the myth of 
Captain America, the Virgin (which those of us who knew him 
knew wasn't true). I asked Pepper if the deflowering 
fantasy worked for women too, but she just laughed.

The one thing I got out of both experiences was a sense of 
just how good the modifications were. I didn't feel like an 
observer. The body was mine. All sensations were real (if 
not 100% realistic). I didn't achieve orgasm either time, 
but that wasn't the fault of the program. And I guess I did 
learn at least one thing: how to fake it. Although "Steve" 
did awaken long repressed fantasies I could use in the 
shower later.

I was evaluating my possible choices for attempt number 
three when another "Steve Rogers" claimed the bar stool 
beside me. 

"I haven't seen you around here before," he said.

As opening lines went, it lacked originality. "Can't 
exactly say the same," I returned.

He chuckled. "No, I suppose not." After a pause, he added 
"can I buy you a drink?"

It should have been my first clue, but at the time I just 
figured this "Steve" was playing the Virgin Cap card from a 
different angle. And two could play at that game. "What 
kind of girl do you think I am, Mr. Rogers?"

He actually seemed to blush at that and I found myself in 
awe again of the realism of the modification. "I'm not 
expecting anything, I promise. We can just talk."

"Hmm. Playing the gentleman. Nice touch." Not seeing any 
harm in it, I accepted his offer.

We talked for over an hour. Just talked. It turned out, he 
wasn't any more interested in random VR hookups than I was 
when I first started using the tech. He was lonely and 
trying to slowly get back into dating. Someone in his grief 
counseling group recommended VR.

I spun a back story for "Trixie", which I acknowledged was 
a horrible name for my avatar, but what was I going to do? 
Call myself Toni? I was amazed nobody had seen through the 
disguise yet. Especially since I didn't stray very far from 
my own experience when building her history. Dead mother, 
distant father, bit of a prodigy when it came to machines. 

"Steve" talked about "the one that got away" long ago as 
well as the friends he lost during The Snap. The one that 
turned to dust, the one who couldn't move past the loss and 
the one who had stopped speaking to him.

"I don't blame him for being angry. I let him down. Even if 
I wouldn't change anything about what happened. But...I 
miss him."

Like I said, in hindsight...I should probably have known 
who he was. But people are easily fooled by their own egos 
and assumptions. Even me.

I was patient enough to wait for our second "date" before 
suggesting we take things further. It took every ounce of 
restraint for me to not do that by rubbing his dick through 
his pants and whispering filthy come ons in his ear. 
Because while he wasn't pretending to be a virgin, I got 
the sense that would still scare him off. And while I might 
have been horny and desperate by that point, I wasn't quite 
desperate enough to screw up what could potentially be a 
really good thing in order to take my chances with someone 
else from the dating pool using the app. I was already 
getting hit on by another Tony Stark and I didn't think I 
could dodge him much longer.

That was actually how it started. "Tony" decided to stop 
beating around the bush and just proposition me right in 
front of "Steve".

"She's with me," Steve said with obvious restraint.

"Hey, I'm not trying to steal her from 'ya. I'm game for a 
threesome," "Tony" leered. 

"She said no. Back off."

"Or maybe you'd rather watch. I hear there are plenty of 
women who'd pay to see Iron Man get railed by Captain 
America." He reached down and squeezed a handful of Steve's 
ass. "Get a front row seat of America's ass while he pounds 
me raw?"

"Take your hand off me," Steve said in a low, threatening 
tone.

"Tony" recoiled instinctively. "Okay, okay, you don't swing 
that way. Sorry. We're cool."

"I just don't like guys who can't take no for an answer. 
Consider yourself lucky. If you had touched her like that, 
I would have laid you out."

"Tony" grumbled something like a half ass apology and 
retreated.

"That was..." I trailed off. I had intended to make a joke 
to diffuse the tension, but the sudden relief of having 
that guy off my back made me understand just how much worse 
the situation could have gotten. I was a woman, at a bar 
primarily used by people trying to get laid, in an 
environment with no real world consequences (such as they 
are). "Thank you," I said instead. 

"I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be. The world would be a better place if there 
were more guys like you and less guys like him." I didn't 
want to contemplate which of those categories I belonged 
in. I hoped it was the former. I studied him for a while as 
I contemplated the other potential quagmire that 
interaction brought up. "Do you? Swing that way?" Would it 
upset him to know that he was really flirting with a man?

He shrugged. "I think I've always found men and women 
equally attractive. Although I've never had sex with 
another man before."

"Yeah, me too," I said without thinking. 

He looked at me and I could practically see the wheels 
spinning in his mind as he tried to work out what that 
meant.

"Bisexual, I mean," I added hastily. Yeah, I should 
probably have told him. But I figured it wasn't worth the 
risk of potentially chasing away a sure thing. It's not 
like he had to find out or, I thought, ever meet me in real 
life.

He smiled and I felt a spike of desire. I don't know if it 
was a response to the heroic way he had protected me, the 
picture that guy had painted of him fucking me...the real 
me...or just general horniness, but I wanted to drag him 
somewhere and ride him until I couldn't remember what my 
name was.

I decided to just go for it. I leaned over and growled in 
his ear "and while I'm sure watching that ass work would be 
fucking hot, I would much rather feel it."

He pulled back until we were nose to nose and I took a 
moment to gauge his response. His eyes had darkened. His 
cheeks were flushed. And I knew if I reached down I would 
find him hard. So I kissed him. And after a moment, he 
tangled his hand in my hair and kissed me back.

---

I had figured my odds were good on not having to fake 
another orgasm, but I underestimated just how good the guy 
would be. He went down on me like it was the only thing he 
wanted to do to me and he couldn't get enough. At one 
point, I feverishly wondered if I should be taking notes 
for future reference. But then I was coming so hard I 
couldn't think about anything.

Everything got kind of fuzzy for a while, until I felt his 
cock prodding at me. 

"This okay," he asked.

I honestly didn't know if I could go another round, but the 
thought of having him fuck me... I made a noise that 
sounded more needy than I'd hoped and reached for his ass, 
trying to pull him in. He chuckled and slipped inside in 
one long, smooth movement. Having already come, I was able 
to focus on the feel of it more. I was open and wet and 
offered no resistance at all, but I still felt the stretch. 
I also felt something that seemed odd in this virtual 
environment with limited risks. 

"Are you wearing a condom," I panted.

"Force of habit," he replied. He was not breathless, but 
his voice was strained. 

"You're holding back," I noted. "Don't."

"Don't want to hurt you," he grunted before pulling back in 
a slow, measured thrust.

"You won't. You literally can't hurt this body." I pulled 
him down so I could speak directly in his ear. "Make me see 
stars, Cap."

He shuddered and slowly increased the speed and strength of 
his thrusts, encouraged by the sounds I only slightly 
exaggerated. 

I hadn't planned on coming again, but after a while it was 
basically inevitable. I reached down to help things along 
and came almost the second I touched "my" clit. 

He followed not long after with a low groan. 

I thought he would pull out, roll away and maybe finally 
drop his Captain Perfect act, but he didn't. Well, he 
pulled out and disposed of the condom, but the rest of 
it...

"You all right," he asked, producing a piece of cloth from 
somewhere to clean me up. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Mmmm, no," I mumbled, still drunk on endorphins and maybe 
a little sleepy after two powerful orgasms. "Is that a 
handkerchief?"

He chuckled. "Yeah. Another force of habit. Although this 
isn't exactly the situation we were told to expect we would 
need it for." 

Something about that sent up red flags more than anything 
else. He was beyond old fashioned.

"So who are you, really," I asked casually. 

He was visibly confused by the question. "What do you 
mean?"

"What's your name?"

"Steve Rogers."

"I admire your commitment to the role, really, but you can 
tell me your real name. Unless..." It only occurred to me 
belatedly that he might have another reason to hide behind 
an avatar of my friend. "Unless that's classified."

If anything, that only confused him more. "Role?"

And that was when I realized what was really going on. 
"You're...you're really him, aren't you?"

I half expected - hoped, really - that he would laugh and 
tell me his name was really Jerry Smith, but he really had 
me going there, didn't he? But he just continued to look at 
me with that innocent stare I had seen many times before. 

Of course. Because why would a guy who literally just 
learned about computers a couple years ago think to use an 
anonymous identity?

"Jesus Christ," I muttered, shoving him away from me and 
reaching for my clothes while he babbled an apology. An 
apology. I had just fucked Captain America and he was 
apologizing. Jesus.

My legs didn't feel as rubbery as they should have, I 
realized absently while I pulled my clothes on. Was it a 
good thing that the simulation wasn't TOO realistic on that 
point? 

Simulation. Right. I had gotten so flustered that I'd 
forgotten I didn't need to get dressed to make my escape.

"Computer, end simulation," I ordered, ripping off the 
sensors. The surrounding bedroom melted away mid-protest 
from Steve.

I sat in my lab for quite a while, trying to process what 
had happened. And feeling slightly ashamed of the way my 
body still hummed. Traitor.

--- 

I spent several days debating what I should do. The 
computer seemed to taunt me and my inability to confront 
the problem every time I entered the lab.

When I finally screwed up enough courage to go back in, I 
briefly considered changing - or maybe just dropping - the 
avatar. But I couldn't see how that would help and I was 
pretty sure if he saw my actual face it would just make 
things worse.

He was at the bar, scanning the room like he was looking 
for someone specific. Me. The relief was clearly written on 
his face when he spotted me and he stood to meet me. 

"Are you okay? You left so quickly, I didn't know..."

"What was the name of the girl you lost your virginity to?"

He stuttered in confusion. "My...what?"

"I need to know if you're really Steve Rogers. Just answer 
the question."

"How would that..."

"Most people in here think you're a virgin. If you don't 
want to tell me her name, just tell me where and when you 
met her."

This, he could answer. "USO tour in 1943."

"Fuck." I flopped into the nearest bar stool and ordered a 
scotch. One good thing about the program is that you could 
get a nice buzz without having to deal with the hangover. 
Maybe I should have sold it as an aid for people in the 
twelve step program. 

Nah, it would have been used for sex anyway.

"Talk to me," he pleaded, sitting on the stool beside me. 
"What is this about?"

I decided at that moment to just rip off the band aid. "Her 
name was Helen."

His face twisted. "How would you..."

"And I know that because my dad told me. Right after he 
bought me a drink to commemorate MY first time. Because he 
did the same for you."

I saw the exact moment realization dawned on him. It was 
like a bolt of electricity shot through his body. All four 
limbs twitched and I wondered if his instincts were telling 
him to run. "Tony," he asked in a loud whisper. 

"It really never occurred to you to choose literally ANY 
other avatar, did it? Though I suppose that does make it 
easier to find dates if you look like America's Golden Boy 
instead of some random schlub. How many women tried to get 
into your pants before me? Hell, how many men? Did you 
consider taking any of them up on it or was I the first?"

"I...I didn't..." he spluttered, obviously in distress. 
About what wasn't really clear. 

"What am I saying? Of course you'd be too noble to take 
advantage of all the tail you could get with your perfect 
gentleman schtick. Probably wouldn't work on most of the 
people using this app for a quick, no strings fuck anyway."

His mouth moved impotently for a while as he struggled to 
find words.

"Well." I finished my drink and stood up. "Thanks for that. 
See you on the outside, Cap."

He reached for my arm. "Wait, I..."

"Computer, end program."

About ten minutes after I exited the program, my phone 
started buzzing on the work bench. I let it go to 
voicemail. He didn't leave a message.

---

After a couple days of stewing I began to feel guilty for 
how I'd left things with Steve. After all, he'd never lied. 
I was the one who had catfished him.

The next time I went into the VR environment, it was as 
myself, not Trixie. 

I made my way to the bar mostly unmolested. Turned out the 
"Tony" who struggled with the concept of no really did 
swing both ways and offered me the chance to literally fuck 
myself. 

I was a couple drinks in before he showed up. 

"Is it really you?"

I finished my scotch and turned to him. "How many Tonys 
have you asked that question?" I gave him a moment of 
awkward consideration before answering. "Yeah, Cap. It's 
me. Figured we should talk about what happened."

"You could have just picked up the phone."

"Yeah, but this felt like a face to face sort of thing. But 
not...you know...really face to face, obviously." I liked 
having the option of a quick escape. "Sorry about the whole 
Trixie thing. I should have said something sooner."

Fully convinced, he slid into the bar stool next to me. 
"Why were you disguised as a woman? Are you..." he 
struggled to find the words. "Are you just experimenting 
or..."

"Call it sensitivity training. And it feels less like I'm 
cheating."

He nodded. "How is Pepper?"

"She's at the stage of pregnancy where she's threatening to 
cut my balls off if I try to touch her ever again, 
so...she's good."

That got a smile out of him. "So what happens now?"

I waved to the bartender to bring him a drink. "I'm not 
really sure. I didn't plan this beyond the apology part."

"We don't have to talk about it if..."

"Really? You think we can just ignore the fact that we had 
sex?"

He blushed. "It wasn't exactly real..."

"Wasn't it?"

He contemplated his drink for a while before speaking 
again. "Did you proposition me because you thought I was 
someone else disguised as me?"

"Obviously. But also...I can't deny I was indulging in the 
fantasy just a little."

"What fantasy?" 

"Getting fucked by Captain America."

His jaw twitched and he stared into his drink 
uncomfortably. "And how was it," he asked hesitantly. 

"You want detailed notes or just a star rating?"

He blushed. 

"I wouldn't say it was the best sex I've ever had in my 
life, but it was definitely in the top five." He looked 
wounded by that, so I amended. "Okay, top three."

He shook his head. 

"How about you? I know your generation isn't big on talking 
about it, but..."

"Tony," he said in that frustrated tone he used to make it 
clear I should stop talking.

It wasn't until that moment that I realized what might be 
upsetting him. He may not have been a virgin, but... "You 
said you were attracted to men but had never had sex with 
one. That was the truth, wasn't it? That was your first 
time with a man?"

"No," he answered quickly. "I mean, yes, but..." he groaned 
as he struggled to find the words he wanted to say. "I can 
count the number of women I've slept with on one hand. And 
now it turns out that one of them was you."

"Disappointed?"

He just gave me a Look.

"Sorry."

"I'm not made for this. I don't just jump into bed with 
someone I don't know, but I thought..." He shook his head 
again. "Of course it turns out I *did* know you, but I 
didn't know it *was* you. And I don't know what it all 
means."

He was going through a full crisis of sexual identity in a 
context he barely understood. "Do you...want to go 
someplace more private?"

He looked around like he'd just remembered people could see 
us and nodded. 

"Right." I finished my drink. "Hotel location in five."

"Can't we just meet in person?"

"You want to wait a few hours?"

"...no," he agreed weakly. 

"Hotel. Computer, end simulation."

I used the time to verify that I wouldn't be interrupted. 
Then I logged back on directly in the room we had used 
before. He was already waiting, pacing the floor by the 
bed. 

"Sorry, the locations in here are a bit limi-" 

Steve descended on me faster than I anticipated and I 
barely had time to wonder if I should defend myself from a 
punch before he was kissing me. I told myself I was too 
shocked to struggle, but really...he's a good kisser.

I lost track of time for a while until he let up. I blinked 
at him, dazed.

"I had to see if...if I..."

Fuck it.

I tore open his pants so fast I popped a button and dropped 
to my knees. My brain short circuited and all I could think 
of was how much I wanted to feel that perfect damn cock of 
his down my throat.

He yelped and tangled his fingers in my hair as I gave him 
the messiest blowjob I'd ever given.

He finished quickly and I had no choice but to swallow 
because I couldn't break his grip and I wasn't sure I 
wanted to anyway. I coughed and gasped in air like I'd come 
up from underwater when he finally let go.

He staggered backwards, miraculously not falling despite 
his pants and underwear being halfway down his thighs, and 
collapsed on the edge of the bed. Somehow, that sight of 
him disheveled and stunned by the force of the orgasm that 
had just ripped through him was what did it for me. I 
shoved my hand down my pants and came in a few strokes with 
a wild yell. 

For a while we just stayed right where we were, catching 
our breath. He recovered faster, of course. He slowly 
stood, pulled his pants back up and knelt beside me, 
producing that damned handkerchief again and using it to 
wipe my face. "I'm sorry, I didn't..."

I cut him off with a grunt and reached to take the 
handkerchief, wiping my hand. "Yeah, that wasn't exactly 
how I thought this was going to go. But it was my fault, so 
you can quit apologizing."

I thought I should get up before my knees started hurting, 
but that was another thing about virtual reality. Pesky 
limitations didn't have to be a thing. Although there were 
some things that were considered features, not bugs, which 
is why my voice was raspy enough to make Steve wince.

"Did I hurt you?"

"Can't hurt me in here, remember?"

I could see the memory of fucking Trixie unnerve him again. 
He stood and began pacing. "What is this, Tony? Is it us? 
Is it this place?"

"Why do we need to define it? You can't tell me that didn't 
feel good."

"But is it just sex?"

I groaned. "Look, I get that you missed the whole sexual 
revolution, but sex doesn't have to be all about 
commitments and marriage anymore. Hell, it doesn't even 
have to be about love."

"I know. I just..." He sank onto the bed. "Does Pepper know 
about this?"

"Not specifically about us, but if you're worried about her 
finding out...don't be. She knows I have needs she can't 
always fill and suggested this as a safe alternative. Sort 
of like interactive porn."

He clearly struggled to wrap his brain around the concept. 
I got up and sat beside him. 

"We can't just pretend this didn't happen. So, I figure our 
choices are to call it a mistake and move on, or..."

"Or?"

Emboldened by his hopeful tone, I plowed ahead with the 
idea that might not be so crazy after all. "Or we can make 
an arrangement. You can help me scratch that itch and I can 
help improve your game."

"Game?"

"You said you've only had sex with a small number of women 
and no men at all, right? And your dating game could use an 
upgrade. I can give you some pointers. Show you some 
skills. As myself or Trixie or whoever flips your switch."

"You," he says quickly. "I'm always gonna know it's you 
under the disguise, so why bother with one?"

"Right. Guess I'll have to plan a whole lesson on role play 
and how pretending to be someone else can be fun."

He snorted and rolled his eyes. 

I nudged his thigh. "We good?"

He considered the question for a while before slowly 
nodding. "Yeah," he said softly. 

--- 

He adjusted to the arrangement easier than I would have 
expected, in hindsight. It turns out he had experimented 
with men - or boys I suppose - in his teen years, but never 
made it beyond fumbling hand jobs under the covers. He was 
eager to learn anything I could teach him. And he was a 
quick study.

"See, this is what is known as teasing," I panted as he 
tentatively licked and ran his lips along my dick like he 
had all day.

"Good or bad," he asked before giving a tiny kitten lick to 
the tip that made me curl my hands in the pillows so 
tightly my knuckles turned white so I wouldn't be tempted 
to just grab his head and ram down his throat. 

"Haven't decided yet," I said in a strained voice. "Don't 
try to take the whole thing right away. Just wrap your hand 
around the rest." I groaned as he wrapped his mouth around 
the head and his fist around the base. "Like that, yeah..." 
A whine slipped out of me as he began to move slowly and 
carefully. "A little harder...More suction. Oh 
fuck...yeah...like that." 

I had a brief thought that this wasn't going to work as 
well as I'd hoped if I wasn't coherent enough to keep 
directing him before my brain shut down completely. I don't 
know what I said after that. I could barely choke out a 
warning that I was about to come and he should just use his 
hand if he didn't want it in his mouth. He pulled back and 
watched me come all over his hand and myself. He looked at 
the resulting mess with all the curiosity of a scientist 
before tentatively licking semen from his hand.

I groaned. "You don't have to do that. It's an acquired 
taste."

"I know," he said cryptically. 

Refractory periods were shortened in the VR environment. 
And since Steve's were already shortened by his serum 
enhanced stamina, they were practically nonexistent on the 
inside. Knowing that, I decided when I returned the favor 
that I wouldn't hold back. Not that I was trying to go for 
a record or anything. It's just that it took a few tries 
for him to learn enough restraint to stop grabbing my hair. 
I rewarded him by pushing a finger up his ass and rubbing 
his prostate. He let loose a few colorful expletives at 
that as he came down my throat.

"Language," I scolded.

"What..." he panted. "What did you do?"

"Just pushed a little joy button commonly known as the 
prostate." I pressed it again for emphasis since I hadn't 
withdrawn yet and he moaned, his muscles clenching around 
my finger. "Nice, huh?"

"It feels like..."

I pressed again and his back arched, a bit of fluid beading 
at the tip of his reviving erection. "Kinda like you're 
getting your dick stroked from the inside? Yeah. I know. 
Think you can come again or should I stop?"

"Don't stop," he slurred, rocking his hips into my hand. 

"Okay, just give me a second..." I removed my finger enough 
that I could coat it with lubricant before pushing back in 
with renewed purpose. 

I know. Why bother with lubricant in a fantasy virtual 
environment? I guess whoever designed the mod thought it 
would be weird and off-putting if anything self-lubricated 
that didn't normally do that in the real world. Which I 
couldn't really blame him for. 

"Do you want to...to..." He looked at my dick pointedly. 

"God, yes. But not yet. Next time, maybe."

"Okay," he said, distracted and possibly relieved. He 
planted his feet on the bed and thrust into my hand.

'Or maybe,' I thought as I slowly introduced a second 
finger and watched his greedy opening flutter and squeeze 
around the intrusion 'I'll teach him about rimming next.'

He gripped the headboard so tight that time that he broke 
one of the spindles when he came. Which really justified 
the need for him to practice sex with fragile human 
partners in a safe environment before he hurt somebody.

Which is why the next time I had him fuck me.

"It's not like a woman," I explained. "Obviously we don't 
self-lubricate, but more than that: the tissues are more 
sensitive and easily damaged. I know I said you can't hurt 
this body, but I'd really rather not know what a torn 
rectum feels like, so...take it easy."

Being a good soldier and a gentleman, he took the 
assignment very seriously. It took him so long to prepare 
me that I started to regret insisting on so much caution. I 
am not above begging and I practically groveled and 
promised I would do *anything* if he would just forget 
everything I said before and pound me raw. Though it was 
probably a good thing he didn't because I came dangerously 
close to finishing the second I felt him bottom out inside 
me anyway.

"You okay," he asked, holding perfectly still. His voice 
was a little strained, but he sounded a whole lot more in 
control than I felt. 

"Yeah," I grunted. "Just give me a second..." I widened my 
stance and groaned as it shifted him a bit. "Jesus, you're 
huge." I wondered if he blushed at that. Probably. "Okay. 
Nice and easy."

He pulled back slowly and thrust tentatively. "Like that?"

God yes. Pepper was happy to use various "marital aids" and 
especially enjoyed using the strap on, but it just wasn't 
the same as a real cock. Much less Steve's impressively 
large one. "Little harder..." I bit back a whimper as the 
angle of his next thrust changed enough to make his cock 
tease at my prostate. "There...fuck, yeah...just..." I 
tried to moan but it came out more like a whine. I braced 
myself and pushed back to meet his thrusts as he fell into 
a rhythm. I wasn't going to last long, but I knew he 
wouldn't either.

I managed to balance myself well enough on one hand to 
reach down and jerk myself off, coming within a couple 
strokes with an incoherent and expletive filled yell. He 
lost control at the feel of it and tightened his grip, 
thrusting a few more times with less restraint than before 
until he came with a low grunt. 

He caught me as my arms gave out, bearing my weight to the 
mattress and carefully pulling out. I may have made an 
embarrassing noise of protest, feeling bereft at the sudden 
loss. 

Everything went kind of fuzzy for a while. The next thing I 
was aware of was his face hovering over me, calling my name 
worriedly. 

"S'okay, Cap." My voice had a distant slur to it that would 
have been alarming under any other circumstances. 

I had warned him against touching anything above my knees 
or below my waist immediately afterwards as most non-serum-
enhanced men found that area too sensitive after orgasm, so 
he just pressed the handkerchief into my hand so I could 
clean the mess.

"Did I hurt you?"

"Only in a good way," I murmured. He frowned, so I 
elaborated. "Bruises are good, as long as they don't go too 
deep." Outside of a simulation, I knew I would have marks 
in the shape of his hands on my hips for quite a while. "A 
well-fucked asshole should be swollen and sore. As long as 
there's no bleeding..." I raised my voice a bit on that 
last word and trailed off. He took the hint and looked 
down, his eyes darkening a little as he examined his 
handiwork. He shook his head. "Then it's all good."

One thing about the whole supersoldier thing is that he 
moved fast. Almost before I registered him moving toward 
me, he was kissing me. There wasn't much I could do but 
kiss him back after a moment or two of surprised 
awkwardness. He pulled back and looked at me like he didn't 
know why he'd done that either before blurting "computer, 
end simulation."

I waited a minute, trying to process the way I could still 
feel and taste him before doing the same. 

Pepper was waiting for me in the lab. "So how was he," she 
asked over the top of her book.

I had told her about the arrangement shortly after we made 
it. She seemed happy to find out that it was Steve I was 
screwing and not some random stranger. Someone we both knew 
and trusted.

"A bit rough," I replied. 

"So just how you like it then?"

I smirked. "God, I love you."

She smiled, climbed from her chair and bent down to kiss 
me. "I'm going to bed."

"Yeah, I..." My phone rang before I could get all the 
sensors off and try to follow her upstairs. Steve's name 
appeared on the screen. "I'll be right there."

She glanced at the phone and nodded, squeezing my arm 
before leaving the room. 

"Hey, I was..."

"I'm sorry," Steve blurted, interrupting me. "I don't know 
why I did that."

"Sorry for what? Leaving so abruptly or kissing me?"

He sighed. "We should stop before someone gets hurt."

"If you're afraid you won't be able to control yourself, 
there are things we could try..."

"That's not what I meant, Tony. You *know* what I mean. I'm 
not like you. I don't know how to separate sex from love."

"So you're afraid you'll fall so madly in love with me that 
you'll become jealous of Pepper and be forced to steal me 
away from her so you can have me all for yourself? Is that 
it?"

"I'm being serious here, Tony."

"Okay. Sorry. I...look. Real as it may feel in there, it's 
still a VR environment. It doesn't have all the 
consequences and inconveniences of the real world. Cramps, 
STDs, unexpected body fluids...none of that. Only the good 
parts. It's sort of like porn in that way. It's just... 
different." He was quiet for a long time and I thought 
maybe that meant I was getting through. "Let me prove it to 
you. Pepper has been saying she should invite you to 
dinner. Say yes. I promise it will be no different than it 
was before and you will not feel the sudden need to rip all 
my clothes off and fuck me right on the table."

"What if you're wrong? What if whatever this thing is 
between us isn't limited to a virtual world?"

"Then we'll discuss it and we will deal with it. But we 
won't know unless we face it. Together."

He was quiet for a long time again. I could hear his steady 
breathing. "I was so relieved when you walked off that 
ship," he finally said. "We lost so many people that day, 
but...if I'd lost you too...if you had died up there..." 
His voice warbled a little and he stopped. I waited 
patiently for him to speak again, not knowing how to 
respond to that. "I can't lose you, Tony."

"We literally tried to kill each other a few years ago. If 
we can get through that, I doubt anything short of death is 
going to rid you of me. Certainly not finding out that I 
only want to suck your dick in a virtual environment. Like 
it or not, you're stuck with me."

He chuckled softly. 

"We good?"

"Yeah. Good night, Tony."

I was tempted to make a joke about seeing him in his (wet) 
dreams, but I knew when to stop before I went too far. 
"Good night, Cap."

I lay awake well into the night, watching my beautiful wife 
that I wasn't sure I'd ever deserved but who somehow loved 
me anyway sleep. And thinking about the way Steve had 
looked at me before he'd kissed me. The way I could still 
feel his hands on me. His cock inside me.

I may not have feared the same things he did, but I 
couldn't deny the possibility that I could become addicted 
to whatever it was between us in that environment. 

---

By the time he got around to accepting Pepper's invitation, 
I was no longer sure it was such a great idea. Pepper tried 
to reassure me it would all be fine, but I could see she 
was becoming less certain of that the more nervous I got.

When the day arrived, I tried to act nonchalant about it, 
but my stomach was tied up in knots and she knew it. She 
tried to distract me by talking about the book she was 
reading, but I couldn't focus on a word she was saying.

I had offered to make the dinner so I would have an outlet 
for my nervous energy, but it had the added benefit of 
keeping me too busy to answer the door. I heard Pepper 
greet him warmly and welcome him in, graciously accepting 
his compliments on her glowing appearance. 

Once I figured I had stalled long enough, I started to take 
the apron off so I could join them. That's when I noticed 
I'd grabbed the wrong half of the couples' set and thought 
'fuck it, maybe it'll help diffuse tension.' I'm not sure 
it was entirely successful, but Steve did seem to find some 
amusement in seeing me wearing something that dubbed me 
"Mrs. Always Right". 

Pepper cocked an eyebrow at me, smirked and handed me the 
two bottles of wine Steve had brought as a gift for the 
host (one non-alcoholic for her). "Why don't you open these 
while I give our guest a tour?"

"I grabbed the wrong one," I said by way of belated 
explanation. 

"I see that." She kissed my cheek, smiled a little broader 
and shifted her focus back to Steve, guiding him into the 
living room.

---

The alcohol helped relax us both. Well, me more than Steve 
as I drank the majority of the bottle. By the time we 
finished dinner, we had fallen back into a comfortable sort 
of banter. Almost as if nothing had happened. 

Then Steve's curiosity started mixing with the alcohol and 
he asked Pepper if there really were women who would pay to 
watch men have sex with each other.

She blinked at me in confusion. 

"Some guy in the bar wearing my face offered to let Trixie 
watch him 'get railed' by Captain America," I explained. 

"Ah." She took a sip of her non-alcoholic wine while she 
considered her answer. "Well...I don't speak for all women. 
I usually prefer participation to voyeurism, but..." her 
eyes danced mischievously. "There is a certain appeal to 
the sight of Tony 'being railed', isn't there?"

Steve blushed.

"Maybe once I'm feeling up to it again, I could try it," 
she continued, looking at me like she was laying down a 
challenge. She knew I couldn't resist that.

"Or you could cut out the middle man and just fuck my 
brains out with a fully functioning dick."

"It's that realistic?"

"Yeah, it's pretty amazing."

"Hmm. Might have to try that."

Steve cleared his throat tentatively, likely desperate to 
guide the conversation back toward safe territory. "So 
Trixie really was just about playing a part?"

"Experimentation. Learning by experience. I would suggest 
trying it yourself, but from what I saw you're already 
miles ahead of me in that department. But also, 
honestly...it's a novel experience that's frankly pretty 
amazing. With someone who knows what they're doing, of 
course."

He nodded. "Well...for what it's worth, you look good as a 
woman."

"I'd be hideous as a woman, which is why Trixie looks 
nothing like me."

A somewhat embarrassed laugh slipped out of him. "So what 
is it like," he asked.

"The sex? More intense, I think. You know how hard you came 
when I fingered you while I was sucking you off? Kind of 
like that, but turned inward."

He blushed, his eyes flicking to Pepper, but she was 
looking at me and she didn't even blink at my crude 
description of a sex act I'd performed on one of my best 
friends. 

"But more generally, it's very eye-opening to see the world 
through a different lens."

"Sensitivity training," he murmured.

"It could have broader applications, yeah. I didn't 
originally intend the program to be used for sex, but 
there's potential there too, I guess. Sex therapy...marital 
aids...role play enhancement. You're not bound by the 
physical world in there, so there are no limits on the 
fantasies you can create. If you want to experience sex 
with a mythical creature or AS a mythical creature, the 
sky's the limit."

Pepper rested a hand on my wrist and gave me a look I knew 
to mean 'dial it back a couple notches.' Steve was looking 
a bit overwhelmed. He wasn't a virgin, as too many seemed 
to believe, but he did have a certain amount of innocence 
regarding sex. His generation had a much stricter sexual 
code. At least when it came to things they would discuss in 
mixed company.

I knew Pepper's acceptance would help put Steve at ease. 
But I could also still hear his question in the back of my 
mind. 'What if you're wrong?' I knew it was probably 
nagging at him too. So, after dessert and emboldened by the 
wine still dulling my inhibition, I decided to just take 
the bull by the horns, as it were.

"Stand up."

He blinked at me standing beside his chair. 

"C'mon, we've been dodging this all night. You want to know 
if it's just the virtual environment? Let's find out. Get 
up here and kiss me. If there are no sparks then we'll just 
go back to our arrangement, case closed. If there 
are...we'll deal with it, but we can't just keep avoiding 
this."

He looked to Pepper with what might have been a silent 
apology before slowly getting to his feet. He faced me like 
he was facing a firing squad and squared his shoulders.

I almost lost my nerve at the last moment, but I knew that 
not knowing was worse than anything that might happen.

He reached for me uncertainly, like he had forgotten the 
actual mechanics of it. He settled on cupping my face 
lightly, like he was afraid of hurting me. And then his 
lips were pressed to mine and all I could think was 'should 
I open my mouth? Would that be weird?'

I let him lead, but it was obvious very quickly that I had 
been right. There was no spark. At least not like there was 
in the virtual environment. It was like kissing my best 
friend. Not unpleasant, but...odd. I felt my body relax in 
relief. 

I tried to read his expression as he pulled back, suddenly 
afraid that our experiences might be very different. But 
all I saw on his face was confusion. He shook his head.

"Yeah, me neither." I patted him on the arm. "We good?"

"Yeah," he said softly. "We're good."

---

He approached our next...let's call it an 
appointment...like a student cramming for a test. Only 
instead of cramming information he was...you know what? 
I've decided I don't really like this analogy. Moving on.

He was far more reserved and willing to let me dictate what 
the "lesson" for the encounter should be. I decided to 
teach him about rimming after all, followed by his first 
experience bottoming. Watching him lose control, so 
overwhelmed by the intensity that he came prematurely was a 
real ego boost.

"I'm sorry," he panted. "Just...give me a minute..."

I folded myself around his shaking body, groaning as his 
perfect ass squeezed around my painfully hard cock. "Don't 
think I'm gonna last much longer," I grunted. "You want me 
to pull out or come in you?"

"Aren't you wearing a condom," he asked, confused. 

He had insisted on it despite the environment. He wanted it 
to be as realistic as possible. I was grateful, honestly, 
as it gave me a fighting chance of not coming right away 
and embarrassing myself. "Yeah, but it's not for 
everybody."

He shifted a bit and adjusted his grip on the headboard. 
"Don't pull out."

There seemed to be a little bit of desperation in his voice 
when he said that, though I might have imagined it. I 
grabbed his twitching hips and definitely heard his breath 
hitch. "You ready?"

He swallowed and nodded. 

A whimper slipped out of him on the first thrust. By the 
third, he was moaning softly and falling into rhythm with 
me. I didn't hold back because I knew I didn't need to. I 
pounded into him with all my strength despite warning him 
not to do the same. Because I knew he could take it. When I 
was just about there, I reached to bring him with me, 
jerking him off roughly.

His whole body went limp when it was over, pinned between 
me and the headboard. I pulled out over his mumbled 
protests and helped him do a controlled fall to the 
mattress. I pulled the condom off and threw it in whichever 
direction was most convenient, not caring where it landed 
since nobody was going to have to clean it up anyway, and 
flopped beside him to indulge in the afterglow a bit.

I wondered idly what that guy wearing my face would think 
of this scenario. Would anyone pay to watch Captain America 
"get railed"? If not, they were really missing out. I ran 
my fingers along the back of his nearest thigh, feeling the 
muscles still twitching. "You okay?"

He blinked at me, dazed. "Is it always like that?"

I chuckled. "Good? Yeah, hopefully. When you're with 
someone who knows what they're doing. Even serum enhanced, 
you'll probably need a little more recovery time after a 
full body orgasm like that."

He groaned and rolled onto his back. "And you said it's 
even more intense for a woman?"

I started to understand the appeal of the blushing virgin 
act. The look of wonder he had when I taught him something 
new was intoxicating. "A bit, yeah. If you want I could 
show you next time." My mind was already racing with 
possibilities and I wondered how he would react if I showed 
him the vibrator with the hook handle Pepper could 
manipulate while we were having sex. "I may not be as 
stellar as you are, but I've gotten some pretty good 
reviews on my technique. Certainly never gotten any 
complaints or failed to get the job done."

He laughed. He still blushed when we talked about sex, but 
he obviously wasn't as embarrassed as he used to be. God, 
was I corrupting him? Ruining him for everyone who came 
after me? "I'll think about it."

---

Shortly after that, Pepper started to show interest in sex 
again. Not in the real world yet, but she did want to give 
fucking me with a real dick a spin. 

"Wow," she said breathlessly through her avatar, sprawled 
on her back on the bed beside me.

"Nngffffhhhh," was all I could manage as she had thoroughly 
fucked my brains out. That was kind of the advantage that 
came with familiarity. My wife knew exactly how to push all 
my buttons. I tried not to think too hard about just how 
much the sight of her avatar - a well-muscled blond - had 
to do with it. He was just a male version of her. Like 
Trixie was a female version of me. 

I tried to keep it going with Steve for a while, but by the 
second "appointment" he could tell I wasn't as enthusiastic 
as I had been before.

"Sorry," I said after I'd only managed a partial erection 
despite his valiant efforts. "I'm just tired."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No," I said quickly. "No, you've really gotten the hang of 
that balance between too much and not enough. I'm 
just...burning the candle at both ends right now and it's 
hard to get in the mood." This was true. The closer Pepper 
got to her due date, the more I worried. And the harder it 
was for her to sleep through the night. And if she couldn't 
sleep, neither could I.

"We don't have to keep doing this," he offered. 

'But I want to,' a voice somewhere in the back of my head 
whined. "It's okay. Maybe we should just...cool it with the 
sex for a while. I told you I would help you with the 
dating part and we've done nothing since but fuck like 
horny teenagers. There's gotta be a restaurant in here 
somewhere. Or we can stay in the bar and just talk. That's 
the reason you got on the app in the first place, right?"

He thought about it for a long time. Long enough that I 
began to wonder if I needed to back pedal. 

"Yeah," he finally said and I relaxed in relief. "Yeah, I 
think I'd like that."

---

We only got one "date" in before Morgan was born. It turns 
out, he didn't need me to practice dating with so much as 
he needed someone to talk to who could share past 
experiences. We did find a restaurant and I answered every 
question he had about dating and sex in the past half a 
century while pondering the functionality of the app as a 
weight loss tool. It felt just like it had that night in 
person: comfortable, easy. A date that didn't need to end 
in sex. We could enjoy each other's company without any 
expectations.

We both knew we could just as easily have had the sort of 
conversation we were having over the phone instead of in 
the VR environment, but neither of us said as much out 
loud. I think we knew we both needed a level of intimacy 
that even video calling couldn't satisfy.

In the months after Pepper gave birth, I was too busy for 
more than the occasional text. And both of us were too 
exhausted to want to do anything but sleep whenever we 
managed to get any downtime. 

When I was finally feeling up to it, I arranged to meet 
Steve at the bar and showed up as Trixie to surprise him.

"I thought you said I didn't need any help wooing women."

"You don't, but the fact that you keep using expressions 
like 'wooing' proves you still need practice when it comes 
to dating in this century."

He chuckled. "How are you doing?"

"Finally finding a routine, I think. You?"

"Hey, you're back," an unnervingly familiar voice said 
before Steve could respond. I turned to find my own face 
grinning at me wolfishly. "Change your mind? Wanna watch 
this guy rosebud me with that monster between his legs?"

I had half a mind to tell him what I thought of him saying 
the kind of things he said while wearing MY face. 
Especially when he kept talking.

"I can let you ride it first. Get him nice and warmed up 
for me. Then I can eat you out while..."

"That's enough," Steve finally cut in. "She's not 
interested. Walk away."

"Tell me you didn't fuck that guy," I said while I watched 
my doppleganger slink away.

"No," Steve said hesitantly. "Not him."

My lips twitched as I registered his meaning. "But you did 
fuck somebody?"

He blushed. 

"No, this is good. This was the goal, right? So how did it 
go?"

Steve shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't hurt him."

"Great!" I grinned and raised my glass in a toast before 
taking another drink. "You gonna see him again?"

He shook his head.

"That's fine. Plenty of fish."

"He looked like you," Steve blurted. 

I didn't know how to respond to that. Luckily, he didn't 
wait for me to.

"I can't stop thinking about you. Ever since that first 
time...it's never been like that for me before."

The nervous feeling I'd had before he came to dinner 
started coming back. "Okay," I said slowly. "I'm gonna need 
you to be straight with me, Cap. That night at 
dinner...when we kissed...you said there wasn't a spark..."

"I didn't lie," he said before I could finish, and I felt 
relief wash over me. "It was different and I don't 
understand how. Either way, it's us. How can I not feel 
anything out there in the real world when I want so badly 
to come in here and..." He looked around as if he'd just 
remembered where he was and realized how loud he was being. 

It was both a relief and a revelation. He hadn't felt 
anything different that day when we kissed. He had just 
been struggling to process why the reality didn't match the 
VR world. How he could feel nothing when I was standing in 
front of him and still want to drag me into a VR hotel room 
and fuck my brains out.

I wished I didn't understand exactly how he felt. 

I lunged forward without thinking and kissed him hungrily, 
cupping the back of his neck in case he tried to pull away. 
He didn't.

---

The bar had bathrooms. Not because they were necessary in a 
VR environment, obviously. The fact that the door could be 
locked made it clear they were expected to serve a very 
different function. All of the accommodations toward that 
function were very much appreciated, I thought as I watched 
his ass clench in the full mirror over the sinks. The other 
me was right about one thing: it was quite a sight to watch 
that ass work. Especially when it is all you can see 
because he was in too much of a hurry to fully undress and 
just dropped his pants around his knees. 

I moaned and arched my back, gripping the top of the stall 
door and wondering feverishly for a fleeting moment if the 
next thrust would cause the lock to give out and send us 
tumbling into the toilet. No. It was sturdier than it would 
be in reality. Right?

"I'm almost there," he grunted. "Can you..."

I knew he wanted me to bring myself off since his hands 
were occupied holding me up.

"I got a better idea," I panted. I pushed at him until he 
set me down. Both of us failed to stifle our noises of 
distress when he slipped out of me. I turned quickly, 
bracing myself and thrusting my hips back invitingly, 
impatient to have him back inside me. 

His hands steadied my hips for the first couple thrusts, 
but then they were free to wander. He ran his fingers over 
my clothed breasts and up my arms, slipping his left hand 
over and his right under mine. He twined our fingers 
together and brought the right one down between my legs. I 
took the hint, guiding the pressure and speed of his 
fingers until I was gripping both of his hands and making 
embarrassing noises while I shuddered through an orgasm. 

"Tony," he moaned softly as he came.

I leaned into him when it was over, content to enjoy the 
afterglow. 

"I'm sorry," he panted. 

"Ssshhhh, don't ruin it."

He fell silent until after he pulled out and disposed of 
the condom. 

"Are you okay," he asked, tugging his clothing back into 
place. 

I reached for the panties on the ground before remembering 
he had torn them in his rush to get them off me. I threw 
them back on the floor. "Don't overthink it. There's no 
shame in wanting this."

"Is that all it is though? Lust?"

"You still have that list of things to Google? Why don't 
you add 'friends with benefits' to it."

He rolled his eyes. "It just feels...wrong somehow. Like 
I'm taking advantage."

"I practically had to beg you to fuck me just now. You're 
hardly forcing me here. Look..." I draped my arms around 
his neck so we were nose to nose. "It's sex, okay? Nothing 
more. I don't care if it's lust or a hero fetish or some 
unresolved crap from my childhood. I'm not ready to give 
this up."

He looked skeptical, but he couldn't pretend he didn't want 
it just as badly by that point.

"You know, much as it pains me to admit it, that me out 
there was right about one thing. Your ass looks amazing 
while you're fucking me."

He tried to suppress a smile and failed miserably. "Do I 
want to know what a rosebud is?"

I smirked. "Maybe I'll show you sometime, Mr. Rogers."

---

The arrangement became a lot less structured after that 
night. We met very irregularly, whenever the mood struck, 
and didn't really plan anything ahead of time. Sometimes we 
would fuck. Sometimes we would just talk. And sometimes we 
would do a messy combination of both, sharing things we had 
never told another living soul while leaning across a table 
or while our limbs were still tangled together and we were 
breathless with exertion. 

We continued experimenting and testing limits, we just 
became less methodical about it. Once, I goaded him into 
bending me over the counter in that bathroom so I could 
watch both of us in the mirror while he fucked me so hard 
that he actually did learn what "rosebud" meant. I repaid 
him for what was without a doubt one of the best sexual 
experiences of my life by finally convincing him to use a 
female avatar and giving "Susan" as many orgasms as either 
of us was physically capable of.

That was the first time I really felt it. The pull of 
something deeper than lust or even friendship. When I 
looked down into blue eyes that were so full of trust and 
wonder.

I felt it again on one of our sexless dates, when he 
laughed at one of my stories. That tug, that...connection. 
I was falling in love with him. It wasn't the same sort of 
love I felt for Pepper, or Rhodey and yet it had 
similarities to both. 

I knew he felt the same. Partly because he told me, but 
also because I could see it in his eyes. Whatever he felt 
for me wasn't the same as what he'd felt for Aunt Peggy or 
either of the friends he had lost to The Snap. What he 
still felt for Nat. It was unique. Impossible to define. 

"I can't imagine my life without you, Tony," he said into 
his drink one night. "I don't want to try."

The feeling was mutual.

---

Months went by. Then years. I stopped worrying about the 
fact that we had all but stopped using the simulation with 
anyone but each other. Well, I had stopped completely. 
Pepper tried it a couple more times, but said that as fun 
as it was she still preferred reality over any simulated 
fantasy. Steve went on a few dates and I acted as 
cheerleader for him, but none of them ever fully replaced 
our appointments, infrequent though they had become. While 
Pepper was still understanding and supportive of my 
occasional use of the app, she became concerned about 
Steve. Was he becoming overly reliant on the app because 
reality just couldn't produce the same high? Was this what 
a modern day porn addiction looked like?

I could have cut him off, of course. Been the reasonable 
one. The responsible one. But I was weak. I craved it just 
as much as he did. 

And then one day he called out of the blue. A video call 
from what was clearly the Avengers compound, surrounded by 
Nat and a guy I hadn't seen since he'd brokered a house 
arrest deal after Germany. A guy we had assumed lost to The 
Snap. He thought he had come up with a way to bring back 
all the people Thanos had dusted by traveling back in time. 
I explained to them that time travel wasn't actually 
possible (at least not without the stone the wizard had 
just handed over to Thanos), all while pretending my most 
recent appointment with Steve wasn't still fresh in my 
mind.

Of course I didn't actually believe Scott's theory about 
using a Quantum Realm to time travel wasn't possible. It 
just scared the hell out of me to even think about doing 
it. Steve could tell, because of course he knew me too well 
for me to be able to hide anything from him by that point. 
Which is why he called me again, a regular voice call, 
hours later when he was alone.

"There's a reason why science fiction stories about time 
travel tend to be cautionary. Everybody just intuitively 
understands the dangers of messing with spacetime. The 
thing is everyone assumes the problem is in the ways you 
can alter the past, when the reality is that even if you 
could go into the past you couldn't change anything about 
the present."

"We're not talking about changing anything. Just recovering 
the stones long enough to reverse what Thanos did and 
putting them back before anyone notices they are gone."

"Do you have any idea what the probability is of that plan 
succeeding? We've already played 400 million-to-one odds 
and lost. You're one bad throw of the cosmic dice away from 
losing any ground we've managed to gain in the past five 
years. From very likely making an already shitty outcome 
EVEN WORSE."

"This isn't just about us, Tony. It isn't even just about 
Earth. We're talking about half the universe here. Families 
decimated. Children whose parents we might just be able to 
bring back." That was obviously Nat's plea coming out of 
his mouth. 

"Don't make me out to be the bad guy here. I'm just being 
realistic. The likelihood of you successfully bringing 
everyone back is incredibly small compared to the almost 
guaranteed outcome wherein even more people die. Us 
included."

He was quiet for so long I wondered if he'd accidentally 
disconnected. "Do you remember what I said four years ago 
after I kissed you in the simulation," he finally asked.

"You were afraid whatever was between us in there would 
spill out into reality," I recalled, not really seeing how 
he found that relevant to the argument. 

"No, after that. I told you how I felt when I saw you step 
off that ship. How relieved I was to see you because I 
couldn't face the thought of losing you too. When I woke up 
in this time and place I didn't have anybody. I was alone. 
Lost. You helped me find my purpose here. You helped me 
make this time and place my home." He sighed softly. "We 
lost so many people that day, but I count myself as one of 
the lucky ones because I still had you and Nat. My family."

I felt an annoying prickling sensation in my eye. 
Thankfully, he couldn’t see me. "If you're trying to..."

"Stop," he interrupted. "Just...let me finish. I know this 
is dangerous. And it scares the hell out of me that I could 
lose everything I have left, but I have to try. For 
everyone who wasn't as fortunate. Nat is contacting Bruce 
to find out if he can help us, but we really need you on 
this. *I* need you with me on this."

The call was a formality. They would find a way to make 
their insane plan work whether I helped out or not. Steve 
saw involving me as improving their odds of success by 
however small a margin.

"Tony," he called tentatively after another long silence.

"And if we fail, we'll do it together," I said, echoing 
words I'd said a lifetime ago. I closed my eyes. Steeled 
myself. "I'll look into it. See what I can come up with."

---

I find Steve by the water, looking out at the horizon in 
quiet contemplation. I sit beside him, close enough that 
our thighs press together.

"I'm sorry," he says with quiet resignation. "I shouldn't 
have brought you into this."

"Don't." I take his hand, threading our fingers together. 
"Don't blame yourself for this. It isn't your fault. She 
made that choice on her own. And now we have to make sure 
she didn't do it in vain."

He squeezes my hand gratefully and nods. We sit quietly for 
a while, taking strength from each other.

"The glove is ready," I finally say softly. Reluctantly. I 
don't want to go back to the compound. I want to lose 
myself in this moment. Forget about the rest of the world 
and the rest of the universe and our insane plan and 
just...stay here forever.

He nods.

Neither of us moves.

'Just spit it out,' I think. "You asked why it's different 
in the VR environment," I begin. "Why *we* are different. I 
think it's because it's safe. Uncomplicated. We can express 
how we really feel without having to actually...say it." I 
take a deep breath. "But now I really need to just say it. 
I love you."

He turns to me, his blue eyes sad and a little watery. I 
can see his grief for everything he's already lost as well 
as fear for everything he has left to lose. And entwined 
with that, I can see my sentiments reflected back. He 
doesn't need to say the words out loud. I've always known.

He untangles our fingers and reaches for me, bringing our 
lips together so gently I can hardly feel it. Like he's 
afraid the slightest pressure will shatter the moment. 
Bring us crashing back to reality.

And that's the thought that brings me out. Reality. Because 
we never kissed like that in the real world. Only in the 
simulation.

"Computer, end simulation." 

Everything melts away and I am left in my lab, choking on 
the emotions my little excursion dredged to the surface. I 
had always intended for the program to be therapeutic, but 
I wasn't prepared for the pain. The fresh wave of grief and 
the knowledge that I never did say those words to him.

I confronted Doctor Strange at the funeral, barely 
controlling my contempt as I demanded to know if this was 
the future he had seen. If he had known we could only win 
at the cost of Nat and Steve.

"No," he said quietly. "I saw you use the gauntlet. I saw 
*you* die."

I've revisited everything that happened between our return 
from that "Time Heist" and the moment Steve took his last 
breath, both in my mind and in the simulation, desperately 
searching for what I could have done differently. Looking 
for that moment when the future changed from what Strange 
saw to what we all experienced. Factoring in the 
unreliability of memory, which makes me uncertain if I 
really saw Strange's eyes go wide with shock after 
signaling to me that we were in the correct timeline 
because he'd caught sight of Steve taking the gauntlet.

I can only guess that Steve arrived at the same conclusion 
that I did much too late. Understood the strategic reason 
Strange traded his stone for my life. Losing the battle to 
win the war. 

My knuckles still hurt a bit from the bloody nose I gave 
Strange when I figured out what he'd done. Not that I blame 
him. Not really. Because at some point we all realized the 
extent of the sacrifices we needed to make to get the best 
outcome. As a soldier, Steve especially understood that. 
But whether because of his soldier's instinct to fall on 
the grenade rather than let it harm someone else or because 
selfishly he couldn't bear to watch another member of his 
"family" die, he chose to take a risk and change the wining 
outcome. 

"Tony?"

I don't even bother trying to hide what I was just doing. 
Pepper has been more than understanding about how I work 
through my grief. 

"Morgan is refusing to sleep until you tell her a story," 
she says gently. 

I nod and wipe at my cheeks. Not as many tears this time. 
She's found me in worse shape. Maybe I am getting better 
after all. "Be right there."

She doesn't say anything. Not until after I finish putting 
Morgan to bed and crawl into ours.

"You can't keep torturing yourself like this."

"I'm not. Just...trying to get a little closure."

She sighs. "He knew you loved him."

I turn my head to look at her. "What makes you so sure of 
that?"

She smiles softly and my breath catches. "Experience."

Tears well up again and she reaches for me, kissing me and 
pulling me closer, stroking my hair as I press my ear to 
the growing bump of our second child. The one Pepper thinks 
we should name after Steve if it's a boy.

I gave Cap's shield to Wilson because I knew it's what he 
would have wanted. But maybe one day, I will make his 
namesake one of his own.


THE END

A/N: Yes, I know. I realized about halfway through writing 
this that it was going to end like this. It would have been 
too cruel to go through with the MCU ending of Tony dying 
after repeated conversations about how Tony's death would 
devastate Steve. So I veered closer to the comics ending of 
Civil War, where the last panel of one comic shows that 
Tony has been talking to (and crying over) Steve's body the 
whole time. The quote about Tony being so important to 
Steve in this time and place (being his "home") is also 
from the Civil War comics. 

"Mr. Stark, when I woke up in this era, I had no one. 
Nothing. You gave me a purpose. Somewhere to belong...you 
gave me a home."