"Doctor Strange"

Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Mads Mikkelson, Tilda Swinton, 
Chiwetel Ejiofor, Benedict Wong


Okay, if you read my intervening recap of "Kong Skull Island" 
you know that Emilio will be joining us for this recap and 
possibly other future MCU recaps depending on how this goes. 
You also know that Chrissy is probably still mad at me for not 
inviting her to that recap.
   Chrissy: Probably. I think you should make it up to me 
    by doing a recap of another Tom Hiddleston movie. 
   Diandra: Can I choose which one?
   Chrissy: From a few options, sure.
   Emilio: Why don't you put a poll up on Twitter and let 
    your followers decide?
   Diandra: I mean...I could, I guess, but you would 
    probably be the only one replying, so...

Previously on the MCU, the writers attempted to do the whole 
"mutant registry" thing without actually doing the mutant 
registry thing because copyright is a bitch. So it ended up 
being a minor skirmish between a handful of character at an 
airport allied with either Captain America (anti-registry) or 
Iron Man (pro government control of people with superpowers). 
And now they're backing up and showing another origin story 
that probably mostly takes place well before all of that. But 
since this character was never involved in that fight...who 
cares?

Marvel debuts their new opening with the old comic book images 
giving way to images from all the MCU movies so far, to a more 
epic theme composed by the composer for this movie: Michael 
Giacchino.
   Chrissy: Oh, good, so we're going to have both 
    "Sherlock" AND "Lost" references from you.
   Diandra: No, it sounds more like his scores for "Star 
    Trek" than "Lost". Although I'll probably note the 
    music more than usual because Giacchino is a dork and 
    his song titles are usually terrible puns. 

We open on windchimes tinkling in a doorway. It is raining. A 
spaceship crashes in a cornfield and a small child crawls 
out...sorry, wrong franchise.
   Chrissy: [exasperated sigh]
   Emilio: Does she do this a lot?
   Chrissy: Every time.
   Diandra: Don't listen to her, she likes to be dramatic.
A dog howls in the distance and we pan out to a courtyard. Some 
people dressed like monks shuffle across.

Inside, a man chains a book to a metal grate...thing...and 
slides the whole thing toward the wall. The "monks" appear at 
the door, one still wearing a hood, the other two flanking him. 
The "guards" wave their hands and about two dozen other people 
dressed just like them seem to crawl out of the walls to 
surround the first guy. Four of them send out what looks like 
electrified whips to wrap around his limbs and suspend him in 
the air. Somebody puts a bowl under his head. 

The guy in the hood steps over to the victim and removes his 
hood. It is Mads Mikkleson. 
   Chrissy: I'm here to find the fucker who killed my 
    brother. You seen him anywhere? Tall skinny guy? Thinks 
    he's god's gift to humanity?
   Emilio: And there's the first "Sherlock" reference...
No, actually he doesn't say a damn thing. He just pulls out 
some knives and slices the guy's head off so it falls in the 
bowl. Of course we watch this happen in shadows on the wall 
because PG-13, but...

He goes to retrieve one of the chained up books, rips a few 
pages out and then just drops the rest of the book on the 
floor. We'll get to how dumb this is this later. He goes to 
leave, his small army following like ducklings, but then Tilda 
Swinton shows up to provide exposition, announcing "Master 
Kaecilius! That ritual will bring you only sorrow." He looks at 
her marching toward him, reaches for his knives and then 
apparently changes his mind and runs right through a portal 
that opens up in the nearby doorway. His goons follow and they 
run right out into a street in London. We know that's where we 
are because the first thing we see is a big red double decker 
bus.
   Emilio: Also, the cars are all driving on the wrong 
    side.
   Diandra: If you ask a British person, they will be happy 
    to inform you that this is actually the "correct" side.
   Chrissy: Also, that you have totally murdered their 
    beautiful language and they're still upset about the 
    Boston Tea thing.

They run right down the middle of a street until a wall of 
mirrors suddenly blocks their path. Tilda saunters up behind 
them and waves her arm and the buildings nearby go full 
"Inception", twisting and bending in a dizzying kaleidoscope. 
"Hypocrite," Kaecilius yells. And then everything twists 
sideways and they're all standing on the building as cars 
continue driving sideways behind her like nothing is happening. 
The building starts rolling and folding like a transformer 
coming to life and Michael Giacchino hauls out the full brass 
and a choir to sing ominously. 

Two minions try to rope her ankles like they did the other guy 
and she just flings them into a gaping opening in the building, 
conjures what looks like neon versions of Cap's shield in each 
hand and starts dispatching the other minions one by one. The 
neon shields function exactly like Cap's shield too because she 
tosses one and it downs several guys before boomeranging right 
back to her hand. She twists the building completely upside 
down and everybody scrambles to hold on before they're launched 
into the sky below. Kaecilius stands on a window frame and 
holds his hands out, forming an L with one and wiping the other 
in a circle. A portal opens beneath him, showing what looks 
like a park at a perpendicular angle to them. Some of his men 
fall through and start running the second they hit the ground. 

Tilda finishes the guy she's fighting and turns just in time to 
see Kaecilius jump through and close the portal. She just 
calmly walks back down the building, waving her hand to put 
everything back to normal, then goes through another portal 
onto the street where everyone is blissfully oblivious to what 
just happened. Nobody even notices her until she tosses her 
hood back to reveal her bald head. Then a couple people stare. 
Sure.

We cut to a hospital surgical theater where Bendydick Cum-on-
my-baps is scrubbing in a sink.
   Chrissy: [groan] Are we going to do this all over again?
   Diandra: No, I just had to do that one because I saw an 
    interview where somebody asked him the weirdest 
    nickname he ever got and he blurted that before 
    realizing the cameras were already rolling and they 
    were live. Because the filter between his brain and his 
    mouth sometimes breaks down hilariously.

A song by "Earth, Wind & Fire" is playing because apparently 
somebody decided this character would be obsessed with music 
from the era he was originally created in. As he's performing a 
surgery he bops along to the music to show that it is actually 
playing in the operating theater. He calls "challenge round" to 
some assistant/nurse named Billy, who skips to the next song on 
an ipod. He immediately identifies the song as "Feels So Good" 
by Chuck Mangione, released in 1977 and scoffs "honestly, 
Billy, you said this one would be hard!"
   Chrissy: Probably not the first time Billy has heard 
   those exact words.
Billy defensively says he is wrong because it's from 1978. 
Stephen (I'm done pretending we don't already know his name) 
patronizingly explains that the song may have only been on the 
1978 charts, but the album was released the previous December. 
Billy is like 'not according to Wikipedia'. Stephen tells him 
to check again.
   Chrissy: And this time check somewhere other than 
    Wikipedia.
   Diandra: I see I have trained you well.

Another doctor asks where the hell he stores all this useless 
trivia. Stephen thinks trivia about a guy who "charted a top 
ten hit with a fugelhorn" is hardly useless. He asks Billy if 
he's got that verification yet and Billy is like 'yeah, you 
were right. As usual. I hate you.'

Stephen is distracted when Lois Lane appears outside the 
operating room door, looking for him.
   Chrissy: That's...
   Diandra: The wrong franchise. I know.
   Chrissy: No, I was going to say that's the wrong 
    actress. Amy Adams plays Lois Lane in the DCEU.
   Diandra: ............oh. 
   Emilio: Rachel McAdams was Irene Adler in the Sherlock 
    Holmes movies with Robert Downey Jr. Which would have 
    made a much better reference just now.
   Diandra: .................
   Chrissy: Can you not tell them apart?
   Diandra: That depends. Which one was in "The Notebook"?
   Emilio: This one. Rachel.
   Diandra: Then no, I can't. 
The other doctor tells Stephen she can take over here so he can 
go. She makes sure to note that he's basically done anyway and 
she only has to sew the patient back up lest we think anybody 
can do his job.

Out in the hall, Rachel (who the closed captioner is already 
calling "Christine", so I guess we're not playing that game 
with her either) hands him a tablet showing the file of a 
gunshot victim. He rattles off a bunch of medical terms and 
notes that it's a miracle the guy is still alive considering 
there's still a bullet in his head. She's like yeah, thanks 
asshole, I was just looking for a specialist because "Nick" has 
already declared the patient brain dead and she's not sure 
about that diagnosis. 

Stephen runs with her to the room where "Nick" is already 
wheeling the patient out to harvest his organs. Christine 
protests that she never signed off on that. Nick is like 'yeah, 
well...I called it.' Stephen tells him that was premature and 
he needs to prep for a sub occipital craniotomy. Nick is like 
'oh, great. You brought your boyfriend to try to save a dead 
man.' Stephen waves the tablet in his face and babbles about 
the bullet being too perfect because it's been hardened by lead 
and antimony and the toxic metal leeching into the 
cerebrospinal fluid causing his nervous system to shut down, 
so...he's not dead yet, but he will be if they don't get the 
bullet out. He tosses the tablet on the bed and swaggers away 
as the orderlies scramble to wheel the gurney into an operating 
room. Nick is like 'um...I can assist...' Stephen says no, 
Christine will do that in a tone that clearly implies Nick is 
not capable.
   Chrissy: Because in case you didn't already know before 
    coming into this movie, Stephen Strange is an even 
    bigger dick than Tony.
   Diandra: Well, he'd certainly like to think so.
   Chrissy: ...IS, sweetie. I said he IS a bigger dick.
   Emilio: But yes, that too, probably.

So back in an operating room, this time without face masks, 
Nick hovers in the corner watching Stephen drill into the 
patient's skull while Christine hands him things and suctions 
blood. She orders somebody to bring the "image guidance". 
Stephen argues that they don't have time for that. She says he 
can't POSSIBLY be thinking of doing such a difficult procedure 
freehand. He's like 'I'm sorry, have we met?' Nick sneers that 
he's taking this opportunity to show off. Stephen is like 
'yeah, I'm going to listen to the idiot who thought this guy 
was dead. Fuck off.' He finally gets a face mask on and puts on 
those high-power microscope glasses before slowly inserting 
some long ass pliers to retrieve the bullet. There's a loud 
ticking noise that is apparently not supposed to be there 
because Stephen tells Nick to cover his watch. Oh, why would 
his watch be loud when nobody elses' is? Because we're getting 
overzealous in establishing that he's annoying? Nick muffles 
his watch and Stephen slowly pulls the bullet out.

Christine and Stephen both go to tell the family the patient is 
going to live. The wife (I'm assuming) hugs Christine 
gratefully and then goes to hug Stephen. He turns half away and 
reluctantly wraps an arm around her like 'yes, you're welcome, 
STOP TOUCHING ME.'

And we're back to striding through one of the hospital 
hallways. Christine grumbles that Stephen really didn't have to 
humiliate Nick in front of everyone. Stephen snots that he 
didn't have to swoop in and save his patient, but...you 
know...he's just so great and benevolent.
   Chrissy: You think maybe we're hitting this 'he's an 
   egotistical jerk' thing a little too hard?
Christine reminds him that Nick is a great doctor. Stephen says 
yeah, that's probably why she came to him for a second opinion 
from somebody who is actually competent.
   Diandra: No, apparently not.
She just goes with it and says this just proves an argument 
she's apparently made before with him: that he could make such 
a "difference" as her on-call neurosurgeon. He snorts that he's 
not working in her "butcher shop". The way he sees it, his 
specialty work is more important than saving some Responsible 
Gun Owner who landed in the ER because he got drunk and shot 
himself accidentally. She thinks he's just opposed to the lack 
of glamour and fame that comes with the every day grind of 
saving people's lives. She sighs that she'll just have to stick 
with Nick then. Stephen's ears perk up and he asks if they're 
fucking or something like the idea is revolting. She says no, 
she doesn't date colleagues. 
   Chrissy: Especially jackasses who think they're god's 
    gift to humanity.
   Diandra: I'll get to that in a minute.

He says yeah, that's nice and then immediately invites her to a 
dinner for the Neurological Society tonight where he's giving a 
talk. She's like 'oh, so I can listen to you impart your great 
wisdom? Again? Why is it every time you ask me to dinner it's 
some fancy ass thing where you are a guest speaker?' I might be 
reading some of that into what she said, but she does note that 
his idea of romantic dates could use some work. He's like 
'what? You used to find listening to me brag about how awesome 
I am fun!' He objects to the idea that these "dates" he keeps 
bringing her on are all about him. "Stephen, everything is 
about you," she says before making an escape. I would ask why 
she puts up with his bullshit, but I know from a friends' 
experience as a nurse that most doctors (DEFINITELY the 
specialists) are like this. They think they're gods and you 
absolutely cannot convince them otherwise.
   Emilio: Which is what would make seeing him interact 
    with any of the actual gods in the Marvel verse 
    entertaining.
   Diandra: Or...just...other humans with big egos like 
    Tony. But yeah, that's probably why the Loki/Strange 
    pairing started cropping up very early on.
   Chrissy: Well, that and probably the assumption that Tom 
    Hiddleston + Benedict Cumberbatch = sploosh, which is 
    an equation you seem to applying to everything you 
    write these days.
   Diandra: You know...

So we flash ahead to him getting ready for that dinner party, 
which includes selecting a watch from a fancy ass case full of 
expensive watches set beneath a case of awards and 
certificates. And he holds the watch up long enough for the 
audience to see that it is February 2, commonly known in 
America as Groundhog Day. If by the end of this movie you still 
don't understand that reference, you really should see that 
movie. He walks through the enormous apartment with a full wall 
of windows and a grand piano so we can appreciate just how rich 
he is. And then we go to him ripping out of the parking garage 
in a fancy sports car, driving approximately 100 miles an hour 
in town. Because people who drive those kind of cars usually 
drive them like they're doing the Grand Prix.

He is winding through mountain roads at breakneck speed when 
his phone rings. It's Billy, who says he has a few possible 
cases for him, starting with a 35 year old Air Force colonel 
who crushed his spine while testing new equipment. Stephen 
scoffs that anyone could handle that one. Next. And I think his 
accent just slipped, but it happened kind of fast and I'm sure 
it'll happen again. Billy says he has a 68 year old woman with 
"advanced brain stem glioma". Stephen goes ripping around the 
car in front of him on a two lane freeway with barely enough of 
a window to avoid crashing head on into an oncoming car. He 
mutters that he's DEFINITELY not doing that one and screwing up 
his perfect record. Billy moves on to a 22 year old woman with 
an electronic implant in her brain who was struck by lightning 
while Stephen drives right under a bank of storm clouds and it 
starts raining buckets. Yeah, the only way this could be made 
more dangerous is if we had skipped the part where we saw him 
shaving earlier and he tried to do it right now. By the way, 
according to IMDb, the case Billy was just describing is a 
reference to "the original Miss America". I know that is 
probably a Marvel character, but since I misread it as brain 
TRANSPLANT instead of IMPLANT I thought maybe there was a rumor 
at some point about a Miss America contestant getting a brain 
transplant.
   Chrissy: Well...some of them could use one.
   Emilio: Some of the hosts too.
   Diandra: Not that we're thinking of anyone in 
    particular.
   Chrissy: Oh, no. Coughtrumpcough.

Stephen thinks this case sounds potentially interesting and 
Billy sends it to him. He glances down at the brain scans while 
driving like a raving lunatic around hairpin turns with traffic 
going both ways in the rain and Karma finally decides "you know 
what? That's it. You deserve this." He clips another car, spins 
out of control and goes sailing right off the side of the road, 
through the barrier. When the car hits the ground we get a slow 
motion shot of the interior as all the glass shatters and the 
steering column folds over his hands. The car flips about two 
dozen more times, goes through a chain link fence and lands 
nose down in a pool of water. He passes out as the car is 
filling with water...

...and wakes up as he's being wheeled through the hospital by a 
group that includes Christine. Then he passes out again as he 
reaches the operating room.

He wakes in a hospital room, hissing in pain and blinking his 
one good eye at Christine, sitting beside the bed. She greets 
him with reassurance that everything is FINE and it's going to 
be okay and really he's fine. He looks at his arms, suspended 
in slings with pins all over his hands like they're the only 
thing holding them together. Christine says he was rushed in 
via chopper, but by the time they found the car the "golden 
hour" to prevent nerve damage had already passed. So there was 
very little the other doctors could do for him besides put 
nearly a dozen pins in the bones and it took nearly eleven 
hours of surgery to do that. "No one could have done better," 
she says clunkily. He looks at her with the one good eye and 
slurs that HE could have.

And then we montage over him scrolling through the x-rays of 
his hands while Christine shaves his face and glowering while 
the bandages are unwrapped and we see the scars and slight 
tremor. The doctor tells him he needs to give himself time to 
heal. He sneers that they've RUINED him.

In a meeting room with several medical personnel, a doctor 
patiently tells him that the tissue is still healing and he 
can't just rush that process. He's like 'yes, I can. Fuck you.' 
He talks about passing a stent through arteries. Another doctor 
admits that that might work, but it would be extremely 
expensive and experimental. He's like 'we've already 
established I have money practically coming out of my ass. Just 
do it.'

Christine walks with him into another surgical theater.

A physical therapist works with him on a contraption that works 
the muscles in his hand. He groans and grumbles that this is 
"useless". The physical therapist keeps encouraging him, which 
annoys him so he calls the guy "bachelor's degree" and asks if 
anybody with nerve damage this severe has ever recovered by 
doing these stupid exercises. The PT says actually, he knew a 
guy who broke his back in a factory accident. He was paralyzed, 
lost all the muscles in his legs, had pains in his shoulder 
from the wheelchair. He was coming in three times a week and 
one day just stopped showing up. A few years later, he passed 
the guy on the street.
   Chrissy: Gee, I wonder if such an incredibly specific 
   story might be important to the plot?

Stephen snorts that that's clearly bullshit and demands to see 
the file. PT is like 'yeah, just let me get it out of 
archives'. He's totally serious. He says it might take a while, 
"but if it proves your arrogant ass wrong...worth it." Stephen 
kind of looks at him sideways and looks away again quickly like 
this is probably the first time somebody has had the balls to 
stand up to him and he doesn't quite know how to respond.

At home, he washes his hands in a shot similar to the one we 
first saw him in except now his hands are shaking. He tries to 
shave, but can't control the razor reliably even with both 
hands and gives up.

He practices writing while talking to a French doctor on a 
Microsoft Surface (TM) who says he's read all the research 
Stephen sent him, but...no, it won't work. "I don't think you 
realize how severe the damages are."
   Chrissy: Oh my god, there's a product placement for a 
    tech thing and it ISN'T Apple! 
   Diandra: Yeah. Funny how superheroes tend to use the 
    stuff that is actually functional instead of just 
    looking pretty.
Stephen tries to plead with him, but doesn't get much out 
before the guy continues that it's impossible and he has his 
reputation to consider and blah blah no. He hangs up over 
Stephen's protests. Stephen swipes the tablet and all of his 
papers off the table in a fit of anger.

And this is when Christine arrives. She takes one look at the 
mess and his face and concludes that the French doctor refused 
to help. Stephen grumbles that the guy is a hack anyway and 
starts talking about a procedure he read about in Tokyo that 
involves stem cells and 3d printing. Of course, at this point 
he needs a loan to do it because he blew through all the money 
he had. Christine sighs and points out that he's always been 
good at spending all the money he makes and now he's spending 
what he doesn't have.
   Chrissy: Well, that kind of makes him a good American, 
    doesn't it? 
   Emilio: That's what the credit card companies count on.
She suggests maybe he consider giving up before he descends 
completely into madness.

He picks up the tablet, drops it on the table and yells that he 
can't stop because he's NOT. GETTING. ANY. BETTER. She suggests 
maybe some things just can't be fixed and being unable to work 
the job he always had anymore isn't the end of his LIFE. 
That's...okay, don't get a job moonlighting as a counselor. She 
says there are plenty of other things that could give his life 
meaning. "Like what. Like you?" he sneers. She blinks at him 
silently for a second like 'and what the fuck is THAT supposed 
to mean?' "This is the part where you apologize," she prompts 
like this isn't the first time she's tried to teach him 
manners.
   Chrissy: The lesson is far more effective if you're 
    wearing something busty and holding a whip, though.
   Emilio: Thanks for that mental picture. [groan]
   Chrissy: You like Rachel McAdams, huh?
   Emilio: [nods enthusiastically]
   Diandra: Yeah. In other news, I just remembered why 
    doing this recap with you might be...how shall I put 
    it?...problematic.
   Chrissy: I think the word you were looking for there is 
    "fun". Also, if you don't have a whip, I find spray 
    bottles work pretty well. Or in a pinch, a belt.
   Diandra: See, this is why we don't talk about your sex 
    life.
   Chrissy: Hey, remember that time you were thinking of 
    writing a BDSM story and I showed you some of my 
    equipment and you decided you couldn't do it after all?
   Diandra: Yeah, I...don't even remember what that story 
    was about now.
   Emilio: You could make it a Doctor Strange story since 
    you're writing Marvel fics now.
   Diandra: Yeah, that's...not going to happen.

Stephen snots back "this is the part where you leave."
   Chrissy: Okay, that's it. Take off your pants and bend 
    over.
   Emilio: Wait, give her a few minutes to go change 
    clothes.
   Diandra: We're not even twenty minutes in and this recap 
    is getting completely away from me. Can we focus here?
   Chrissy: Pffffffffttttttt. This is more fun.
She snaps that that's FINE because she can't watch him do this 
to himself anymore. He's like 'oh, is this DIFFICULT for you? 
I'm so SORRY that my suffering is making you miserable!' He 
snaps at her to not pity him. She says she isn't. He asks why 
she brought cheese and wine like they're going on a picnic or 
something then. "We are not friends, Christine. We were barely 
lovers." Yeah, I imagine it's difficult having a relationship 
with a narcissistic ass. He keeps raving about how he's just 
some charity case that really NEEDS her now and she can save 
him or some bullshit. She stares at him like 'are you finished? 
Okay. Fuck you.' She grabs her purse and storms out the door. 
He steps over the paper he was practicing writing on earlier 
which just has his name over and over in a child-like scrawl. 
Did I mention it's raining outside again? Because the weather 
reflects his mood, I guess.

Sometime later, he opens a package from the physical therapist. 
It's the file on the guy he was talking about - J. Pangborn - 
with a post it saying "I told you so!"

So he hovers near a back alley basketball court where Benjamin 
Brat is playing with some street kids. When he lopes close to 
the fence, Stephen calls his full name, which is Jonathan 
Pangborn and recites the spinal damage from his file. Jonathan 
is like 'how does this hobo know who I am?' Stephen keeps 
rambling about how he was paralyzed from the chest down and 
could barely use his hands. Jonathan is like 'mmmmmkay...get 
lost, creep.' Stephen introduces himself and says he WAS a 
neurosurgeon. Jonathan says wait...aren't you the asshole who 
refused to even talk to me about treatments? Stephen 
defensively says the damage was SUPPOSED to be untreatable. 
Jonathan is like 'right...and trying anyway wasn't going to get 
you anything, so...' Stephen holds up his hands and says he's 
looking for the same kind of miracle Jonathan found. 
Recognizing how pathetic he is, Jonathan says fine. He figured 
since his body was beyond help, his mind was all he had left 
and he should try to "elevate" it.
   Chrissy: So I dropped a lot of acid.
   Diandra: No, that's how Stan Lee invented Doctor 
    Strange.
   Emilio: Oh, is THAT why?
   Diandra: Well...I mean...it was the 60s. 

So he went to spiritual people on mountaintops in Asia until he 
found someone who could open his mind and realign his chakras 
or something. Stephen is like...and heal spinal damage. 
Jonathan says there were "deeper secrets" to learn, but he 
couldn't "receive them", so he just took his miracle cure and 
went home. Stephen just stares at him. Jonathan sighs and says 
the place is called Kamar-Taj, but the cost of going there is 
high. And not in a monetary sense. He walks away before Stephen 
can say anything else, but at this point he's obviously 
desperate enough to try anything, so...

Nepal. Stephen wanders through crowds of people that he totally 
stands out from. He gets directions from locals and hesitates 
when he sees a sign in English about Holy Himalayan Healing 
tours. And then a hooded figure overhears him asking for 
directions to Kamar Taj and starts following him. It's Chiwetel 
Ejiofor.
   Chrissy: A name that you not only never butcher like you 
    do Benedict Cumberbatch, but you manage to spell right 
    on the first try WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP.
   Diandra: Well, yeah. Neither is difficult to spell, but 
    I'm pretty sure there isn't a long running joke about 
    Chiwetel's name being ridiculous.

Chiwetel follows Stephen right into a deserted side street 
where he is briefly distracted by an injured dog that is 
somehow less scrappy looking than him despite living on the 
street in a scene that was cut. A gang of guys who clearly are 
not part of a welcome committee surround him and he protests 
that he doesn't have any money for them to steal. The white guy 
who is part of the group for some reason notes that he has a 
nice looking watch. Stephen whimpers that it's all he has left. 
The white guy is like 'yeah, cry me a river. After you hand it 
over.' Stephen gets the terrible idea to try to punch the guy, 
which hurts him more than the thief and he is immediately 
dropped to the ground and kicked repeatedly by all three of 
them. The white guy rips his watch off, turns around and runs 
flat into Chiwetel, who beats the shit out of all three of them 
in, like, two seconds. He takes the watch back, which is now 
broken, and hands it to a dazed Stephen. Then he just says 
"you're looking for Kamar Taj" and walks away like he trusts 
Stephen will follow like a puppy who has found a new master.
   Emilio: Which is ironic considering the last movie they 
    were in together.
   Diandra: Heh. Yeah, Karma is a bitch.

Mordo - because I guess we're not pretending we don't know who 
this guy is either - takes him to a perfectly ordinary looking 
door in the middle of an alley. Stephen is like 'that's it?' He 
notes the temple looking thing across the street and suggests 
it looks more "Kamar-Tajey". To further bang the gong Emilio 
just pointed out, Mordo notes that he once stood where Stephen 
is right now. He was also a disrespectful shit, so...you 
know...cut it out. "Forget everything you think you know." 
Stephen is like 'oooooookay. Sure. Y'all are weird, but we've 
established that my pride is long gone by now.'

Mordo escorts Stephen into the "sanctuary of our teacher, the 
Ancient One." Stephen is like 'cute...what's his name?' Mordo 
just stares and he grumbles an apology and shuffles into a 
central room of the temple. Two people rush up and pull his 
coat right off him. "Okay, that's a...a thing," he stammers. A 
cup is shoved in his hands and someone starts pouring tea into 
it while he turns to an older Asian guy and thanks the "Ancient 
One" for agreeing to see him. We pan around to see the person 
pouring tea is Tilda. She says he's welcome. He blinks at her 
and looks back at the older Asian guy shuffling past Mordo.
   Emilio: Nice of them to at least acknowledge that the 
    Ancient One is supposed to be an Asian guy.
   Diandra: Yeah, but I'm kind of conflicted on that 
    because it's one of the few times they've had a woman 
    who is something other than a useless love interest. 
    But...yeah, they probably could have cast an Asian 
    woman.
   Chrissy: If Lucy Liu weren't busy doing Elementary, she 
    would have been an awesome choice. Joan Watson bossing 
    around a different Sherlock.
   Diandra: Oh, man. Now I want that version. 

The Ancient One thanks Mordo, then turns to "Mister Strange" 
like 'you rang?' He corrects her that his title is "Doctor". 
She notes that it can't possibly be anymore, which is why he's 
here, isn't it? He chokes on his tea. She cocks her head at his 
hands and says he's undergone seven procedures, right? He says 
um...yeah...um..."did you heal a man named Pangborn?" She says 
yeah, sort of. He says she helped him walk again and asks how 
she could possibly have fixed such an unfixable injury. She 
says she didn't. She just convinced him he could walk. Stephen 
scoffs that somebody with an injury that severe would have 
psychosomatic paralysis. She asks if HE is really the one 
healing bodies when he reattaches severed nerves or the bodies 
themselves. He says it's the cells. She says the cells are 
programmed to put themselves together in a very specific way, 
but what if she told him he could change that programming?
   Chrissy: THERE IS NO SPOON. I mean...take the red pill.

He babbles that she's talking about cellular regeneration that 
is light years beyond technology currently available. He asks 
if that's why she's working here where she doesn't have to 
answer to a medical board. "Just how experimental is your 
treatment?" She goes to give Mordo - still hovering in the 
corner - a cup of tea and says um...yeah... experimental. Let's 
call it that.' 

He repeats that she's found a way to reprogram cells. She says 
not exactly. She "reorients the spirit to better heal the 
body". He swallows like he's just realized he accidentally 
wandered into some crazy ass Scientology church or something. 
Then he realizes that he's out of options, sighs, and says 
fine. How? She holds a book open to a page with a diagram of 
chakras and asks "you don't like that map" when he cringes. He 
says no, it's fine, but..."I've seen it before. In gift shops." 
She laughs and flips to an acupuncture guide. Then an MRI scan. 
He's like 'great. You're fucking with me.' She says all of 
those were designed by people who could see parts of the whole, 
but not the whole picture. He's too busy moaning about how he 
spent all of his money on this quackery to listen to what she's 
saying. She says he's spent his whole life looking at the world 
through a keyhole and now that she's telling him he can pry 
that keyhole open and see more he's rejecting the idea as 
insane. He says FUCKING YEAH. I believe in SCIENCE, not 
religious mumbo jumbo masquerading as medicine. He continues 
the logic of rational thought by saying that we are made up of 
matter and are really just insignificant, tiny specks in an 
indifferent universe.
   Chrissy: I see he survived the Total Perspective Vortex 
    then.
   Diandra: How do we always manage to come back to H2G2 as 
    our reference point?
   Emilio: Because it is awesome. 

In full rant, he says that he sees right through her and sticks 
a finger in her chest. She does a martial arts move to twist 
his arm away and slams the heel of her other hand into his 
chest. As he's falling back, a ghostly image of him jolts right 
out of his body and hovers for a moment, looking down at his 
body, which Mordo is catching before he is sucked back in. He 
asks what the FUCK she just did to him. And what was in that 
tea? She says she pushed his astral form out of his physical 
body. 
   Chrissy: And it was peyote.
He blinks and looks back at the spot where he was just 
floating. She says it's okay, he just entered the astral 
dimension for a moment. It's where the soul can exist without 
the body. 
   Emilio: It's the writer's effort to explain out of body 
   near-death experiences.

She stands in front of him and orders him to open his "eye". 
She presses her thumb to his forehead and he goes flying 
backward, out of the building and through the air, straight 
into space, screaming about how this IS NOT HAPPENING. He stops 
moving for a second as a butterfly flaps past him. In space. He 
frowns at it and goes shooting backward, though a tunnel that 
looks like something between the Bifrost bridge teleport and 
the opening credits of Doctor Who. Mordo's voice booms from 
somewhere that his heart rate is getting dangerously high.
   Chrissy: Huh. That's what happened to all the lab mice 
   too. Right before they puked up all their insides and 
   died.
He sails back into the temple room, landing in a chair and 
gasping and panting frantically. The Ancient One bends over 
him, notes that he's fine, and sends him right back into the 
crazy kaleidoscope. 

While he's flying around in space with neon lights shooting 
from his limbs and multiplying before getting sucked into what 
is probably supposed to be an artist's rendition of a black 
hole that kind of looks like an anus...
   Emilio: Oh, good. Maybe he'll wind up on Sakaar.
...The Ancient One drones about how he thinks this is the only 
universe and he thinks he knows how it works. But what is 
reality? And what the fuck are those firework looking things? 
Supernovas? Seriously, I would like to see what sort of 
directions the special effects guys were given for this 
sequence. 
   Chrissy: Just...drop some acid and go watch a movie 
   about the universe at the planetarium. 

He flies into an actual kaleidoscope image while she talks 
about mind and matter meeting at the edge of existence and the 
geometric shapes turn into a sea of hands grabbing at him. The 
fingers of his own hands turn into five tiny hands, which each 
grow five more tiny hands.
   Chrissy: And please, feel free to incorporate images 
   from your nightmares.
All the grabbing hands turn into his face and he flies into his 
own eyeball.
   Chrissy: Hey, remember when we were laughing about the 
   crazy descriptions of shit happening in "The Dark 
   World"? Hahahahaha...

He gets sucked back through a wall of mirrors and floats 
through a space fun house maze. Ancient One says there are 
infinite universes. Some of them are benevolent, some...not so 
much. Filled with dark "powers older than time". He flies 
toward what is either a moon being eaten or the Death Star.
   Emilio: That is no moon.
   Diandra: You like how I totally set that up for you?
   Emilio: Very much. 
An enormous humanoid face appears suddenly and he screams and 
the camera shoots through his mouth and his face repeats to 
infinity so it just keeps going through infinite versions of 
him.
   Chrissy: How are you doing with the descriptions over 
    there? Need a break?
   Diandra: You offering to take over?
   Chrissy: Hell no. Just wondering if you need a beer or 
    something.
   Diandra: I don't think I'll be able to get through this 
    recap if I start drinking.

And then he's floating through space like he's on the cover of 
a punk rock album as The Ancient One asks who HE is in the vast 
multiverse. He gets sucked into the rainbow Tardis bridge again 
while Giacchino plays a chorus of demonic chanting backwards. 
Because THAT'S NOT AT ALL CREEPY. By the way, this song is 
called "A Long, Strange Trip" because of course it is. Stephen 
hurtles through space back to Earth and lands in the chair, 
knocking it over and splattering on the floor at the Ancient 
One's feet. She asks sweetly if he's ever seen THAT in a gift 
shop. He wobbles up onto his knees and looks up at her, wild-
eyed. "Teach me," he pants. She purses her lips, says nah, I 
don't think so, and has him thrown back out into the alley on 
his ear, his things following right behind him. He yells and 
bangs on the closed door, begging somebody to be let in again.

The Ancient One stands at a podium with an amulet on top of it 
and what looks like a hologram of a lava planet hovering 
overhead. The three other "masters" surrounding the podium 
leave through separate magic doorways and Mordo enters the room 
to talk to her. "Is he still whining and scratching at the 
door," she asks. "I keep telling you to stop bringing home 
strays. You don't know where he's been!" No, actually she just 
notes that Mordo thinks tossing him out was wrong. Mordo thinks 
it's admirable that he's still out there five hours later. 
"There's a strength to him."
   Chrissy: He has amazing stamina. I like that in a guy.
   Emilio: Stamina isn't everything.
   Chrissy: That's size you're thinking of, sweetie.

The Ancient One thinks she's seen a similar combination of 
stubborn, arrogant and ambitious before. Mordo exposits that 
she's referring to Kaecilius. She says she's not going to lead 
another gifted student to power so he can turn to the dark 
side. So...she's Yoda? Mordo reminds her that she didn't lose 
HIM to the dark side. "I wanted the power to defeat my enemies. 
You gave me the power to defeat my demons." She says they never 
lose their demons, really. Unless she gets that machine up and 
running and successfully figures out how to sever them before 
adolescence.
   Chrissy: Um...you're referring to "The Golden Compass", 
    right?
   Diandra: Yeah.
   Chrissy: That was Nicole Kidman. 
   Diandra: Oh. I never saw the movie. I thought Tilda was 
    the White Witch. 
   Emilio: Yes, she was. In "The Chronicles of Narnia"
   Diandra: Yeah, I didn't see that one either.
   Emilio: Obviously.
   Chrissy: I guess it counts as progress that you have the 
    right actress this time and you just can't tell the 
    movies apart.

Anyway, we don't lose our demons, we learn to "live above 
them".
   Chrissy: Well...some of us.
Mordo reminds her that Kaecilius has the stolen pages from that 
book we saw at the beginning of the movie "and if he deciphers 
them he could bring ruin upon us all." He thinks maybe they 
could use another soldier in the possible coming fight.

It's dark outside, but Stephen is still banging on the door, 
whimpering that they can't just shut him out because he doesn't 
have anywhere to GO.
   Chrissy: I promise I won't pee on the floor again! I'll 
    be good!
   Diandra: We're sticking with the dog thing, aren't we?
   Chrissy: You kept bringing it up. And now I'm picturing 
    Chiwetel in leather pants, holding a leash in his hand.
   Emilio: Wait...wouldn't the Ancient One be holding the 
    leash?
   Chrissy: No, she's the obedience trainer.
The door opens suddenly and he falls through with a loud crash, 
then says a tiny, dazed "thank you."
   Chrissy: I won't chew your slippers again!

Mordo shows Stephen to his room and orders him to take a bath 
and rest and maybe meditate. The Ancient One will send for him 
when she's ready. Or when she thinks he's ready. Something. He 
hands Stephen a slip of paper. It says "shamballa". Stephen 
snorts and asks if this is supposed to be his mantra or 
something. Mordo, halfway out the door, gives him a raised 
eyebrow and says it's the wifi password. "We're not savages."
   Chrissy: But it can double as your safeword if you want. 
    [wink]
   Emilio: What does he need a wifi password for if the 
    only thing he had was a watch that's broken?
   Diandra: I have a feeling the two of you are watching 
    this movie on a completely different level.
   Emilio: Oh, I'm on her level. I just wonder about things 
    like this too.
Mordo leaves and Stephen pulls out the broken watch while a sad 
version of the main theme plays. The inscription on the back 
says "Time will tell how much I love you. Christine."
   Chrissy: And it's broken. Ah, the symbolism.

The next day. Or...something. The Ancient One lectures about 
how the mystic arts have been around as long as human 
civilization and the ancient practitioners called what they did 
"spells". Also, they called themselves sorcerers. And she 
understands if these things "offend" Stephen's modern 
sensibilities and he's free to call them "programs" instead 
because they're working with the "source code that shapes 
reality". 
   Chrissy: Seriously, should we just start calling him 
   Neo?
She and Stephen are sitting on the floor and she starts drawing 
shapes in the air between them, explaining that it involves 
harnessing energy from other dimensions. She keeps snapping and 
gesturing, making the patterns more elaborate as she says they 
can cast spells and make shields and weapons. She pushes the 
elaborate pattern toward him and it splits into several 
vibrating layers. It dissolves and the stupid "wow, look at the 
pretty lights!" smile on Stephen's face falters. He's not sure 
he could do that even if his hands weren't damaged. She reminds 
him that he didn't become a neurosurgeon overnight. He admits 
that no, he studied for YEARS. But...you know...he was probably 
hoping for a shortcut.

So he goes into the library, where the librarian - played by 
Benedict Wong - greets him formally by last name. Yes, in a 
universe where three major characters are played by guys named 
Chris, they managed to find two guys named Benedict and CAST 
THEM IN THE SAME MOVIE. Stephen insists on going by his first 
name with this guy despite this basically being the opposite of 
what he was doing before and asks what Asian Benedict's name 
is. Benedict Wong says "Wong". Really? How creative. Stephen is 
like 'really? Just one name?' "Like Adele?" Wong just stares at 
him like 'dude, you really don't want to go there.' Stephen 
chuckles nervously and keeps rambling names with increasing 
awkwardness. "Or Aristotle...Drake.......Bono.............. 
Eminem." At this point he's looking at the floor like he wants 
to just fall through it which is the most relatable thing he's 
done so far. Wong just reaches for the dusty, stuffy books he 
brought and reads the titles on the spines, asking if Stephen 
really finished reading all of these. Stephen is like 'yeah, I 
was really bored last night.'

Wong escorts Stephen into the room they reserve for people who 
have reached master level. It's the room from the beginning of 
the movie. Wong says Stephen isn't quite that advanced, but he 
has discretion and he thinks maybe Stephen is ready for some of 
the advanced readings. He suggests "Maxim's Primer" to begin 
with and unchains a book from one of the grid "shelves". He 
asks how Stephen's understanding of Sanskrit is. Stephen says 
he can use Google Translate. Oy. Wong lets that go and pulls 
down another book, handing both to Stephen. Stephen points at 
some books with fancy embossing and asks what they are. Wong 
says they're the Ancient One's private collection. Stephen says 
oh, so they're "forbidden"? Wong is like 'what? This is a 
LIBRARY. Having books that people are forbidden from using goes 
against our entire belief system!'
   Chrissy: I just realized why this recap might be 
    different from the others...
   Diandra: Just now? I've been a librarian for how many 
    years?
Actually, Wong's exact words are "no knowledge in Kamar-Taj is 
forbidden. Only certain practices." And those books are too 
advanced for anyone who isn't the Sorcerer Supreme.

Stephen goes right to the book with the missing pages and it 
practically falls right out of the chains into his hands. He 
notes that there are pages missing. Wong says it's the "Book of 
Cagliostro", which is about time. And a former master stole one 
of the "rituals". His name is Kaecilius and his current title 
is Zealot. He beheaded the previous librarian. Awfully chatty 
suddenly, aren't you? Wong stops handling books for a minute 
and faces Stephen, announcing that he is now the guardian of 
these books and if anything is stolen again he would know 
immediately and "you'd be dead before you ever left the 
compound." He snatches the torn book from Stephen's hands. 
Stephen asks what happens if the book is overdue? What sort of 
late fees are we talking about here? Maiming? Branding iron? Is 
he going to have to go around with a "T" for "truant" stitched 
onto his robe?
   Emilio: Should I be disturbed that you are offering up 
    more ideas after he stopped at "maiming"?
   Diandra: Oh, YOU don't have any reason to worry. You 
    always return the things I loan to you. Unlike SOME 
    people.
   Chrissy: I told you I'd replace it! Can you please stop 
    sending me threatening emails now?
   Diandra: [glares]

Wong, with an unamused half-frown that will be his default 
expression from now on, just hands Stephen the books he 
suggested. Stephen mutters that people USED to think he was 
funny. "Did they work for you," Wong asks flatly. Stephen is 
like 'okay, well...we're done here. Nice chatting. Thanks for 
the death threat.' He runs away with his tail between his legs.
   Emilio: So we are sticking with the dog thing.
   Diandra: It's an expression!

Wong puts back the damaged book and we cut to Kaecilius taking 
out a leather roll with the torn pages and placing it on what 
looks like a church altar. Ah. Zealot. He puts one of the pages 
on the floor in the center of the circle the rest of the group 
forms and starts casting, except where The Ancient One's spells 
are a yellowish orange, his are red to really highlight their 
evil nature. He announces that they will now receive the power 
to "destroy the one who betrayed us."
   Chrissy: Dude. I understand feeling bitter toward your 
    ex, but...
   Diandra: Oh, like you would totally put a hex on Justin 
    if you could.
   Chrissy: Well...yeah, but I wouldn't DESTROY him. 
    Just...you know...something to make his dick shrivel up 
    and fall off. There are limits to my vindictiveness.
He adds that this "one" actually betrays the whole world. Sure. 
The other zealots all begin chanting in an ancient language and 
gesturing. The floor beneath the page turns into a kaleidoscope 
of shifting tiles. Kaecilius has some sort of flashback of a 
giant purple face (that isn't Thanos) and starts waving around 
him and they walk through a chaotic twisting and turning of all 
the walls of the church.

In the Kamar-Taj courtyard, a couple dozen students are doing 
some combination of martial arts and spell practice. Stephen is 
the only one whose hand gestures don't produce pretty lights. 
Mordo gives them all a "sling ring", which he says is essential 
as it allows them to travel through the multiverse. Stephen 
puts one on and we get a closeup of the giant brass piece that 
wraps around two fingers. With Mordo giving vague directions 
about concentrating and visualizing their destinations, the 
students form an L with their ringed hands and make circles 
with the others to form portals in front of them. All except 
Steven, of course, who just makes a few pathetic sparks. Mordo 
stops next to him and just stares like he's regretting urging 
The Ancient One to let him in after all.
   Emilio: Hey, it's really hard to perform in front of 
   strangers! 
The Ancient One comes out as Mordo calls an end to the 
exercise. She asks to speak to Stephen alone.

Stephen whines that his hands are a hindrance to these 
exercises. She says his hands have nothing to do with it and 
calls over a guy name Hamir, who waves his good right hand and 
left arm stump to create the same kind of intricate patterns 
The Ancient One was earlier.
   Emilio: Yeah, nobody likes a show-off, Hamir.
"You cannot beat a river into submission," she says. "You have 
to surrender to its current."
   Chrissy: Uh, I can think of a few exercises that might 
    help more with that.
   Diandra: [sigh]
Stephen is confused by the idea of controlling something by 
letting it control him.
   Chrissy: Seriously. I have a few more books you can 
   read. And none of them are Fifty Shades of Terrible 
   BDSM.
The Ancient One suggests that not everything has to make SENSE 
and sometimes he can let his scientific brain and the ego that 
goes with it take a back seat. She does the circular gesture to 
open a portal and has him walk through with her.

They wind up on top of Mount Everest. He starts shivering 
immediately because he is not dressed for cold and agrees 
through chattering teeth that it's beautiful. The Ancient One 
notes that a person can survive about thirty minutes at these 
temperatures before the damage becomes permanent. Stephen is 
like 'yeah, sure. Why are you telling me this?' She predicts 
that he'll go into shock in the first two minutes, then goes 
back through the portal and slams it shut.
   Emilio: So the equivalent of throwing a kid that doesn't 
    know how to swim into the deep end.
   Diandra: Pretty much.
He tries to dive after her and splatters face first in the 
snow.

Mordo finds The Ancient One standing alone in the middle of the 
courtyard. He asks how their boy is doing. She says they'll 
know in a minute. Mordo's face falls and he groans "oh, no, not 
again." He waits a beat, then offers to go get him. The Ancient 
One stops him because he'll NEVER LEARN IF WE KEEP BAILING HIM 
OUT.

On Everest, Stephen is doing the pathetic sparking thing again 
and screaming in frustration. Then he takes a deep breath and 
starts over, slower.

Back in Kamar-Taj...nope, still nothing. The Ancient One is 
starting to look worried. And then a portal finally opens and 
Stephen falls through, his beard covered in icicles.

So then we get a little scene where Stephen cuts his own hair 
with shaking hands and shaves. Now, you'd think given the state 
of his hands it would be difficult enough to just shave it all 
off (as he demonstrated earlier before growing the hobo beard), 
but somehow he manages to neatly sculpt a goatee. 
Because...whatever. NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO MAKE SENSE. Also, 
he's shirtless so Benedict can show off the muscles he had to 
put on for this movie.

Sometime later...
   Emilio: Wait...that's it?
   Diandra: What's what?
   Emilio: I watched two of the Thor movies with you and 
    when Chris Hemsworth took his shirt off you made 
    embarrassing noises. I just helped you with a recap 
    where you drooled over Tom Hiddleston and he NEVER even 
    took his shirt off. 
   Chrissy: I think the fact that you just described 
    Benedict's one shirtless scene in this movie like you 
    were giving a weather report is throwing him.
   Diandra: Why?
   Chrissy: Yeah, I've recapped all of Sherlock with her, 
    Emilio. This is perfectly normal for her. 
   Diandra: What is?
   Chrissy: Never mind, just get back to the recap.

Sometime later, Stephen goes to the library to ask Wong for 
books on astral projection. Wong sniffs and says he's not ready 
for those yet. Stephen squares his shoulders and tries the 
sassy comeback he has probably spent hours coming up with and 
is dying to use: "Try me, Beyonce." Wong doesn't react. Stephen 
groans that he MUST know who that is. Wong frowns. 
   Emilio: Is this your idea of flirting? Because 
   awwwwwwkwaaaaard.
Stephen asks if Wong ever laughs. Or, you know...smiles at all.
   Chrissy: I don't know, why don't you get somebody go 
   come in here and kick you in the groin and we'll see 
   what happens?
He asks Wong to just give him the books. Wong says no.

And sometime later, Wong is listening to "Single Ladies" on his 
ipod when Stephen uses his newly mastered ability to make 
portals to yank books from the shelves behind his back. When 
Wong turns to look behind him, Stephen takes the book he was 
reading. And then apparently learns how to use astral 
projection to read books in the astral plane while sleeping in 
the physical one which is totally the first trick I'd want to 
learn if I was learning mystical arts.
   Chrissy: You'd have the ability to go anywhere and do 
    anything without physical constraints and you'd use it 
    to catch up on reading while you sleep?
   Diandra: .............yes?
   Chrissy: I love you, but your imagination is a bit 
    limited.
   Diandra: Not everybody is as adventurous as you, Chris.

In the main room, the Ancient One gives a sense of how much 
time has passed by noting that Stephen has gone from begging to 
be taught the things she can do to questioning his teachers' 
every fucking lesson and then trying to teach himself. Stephen 
is like 'yeah...I don't do well with stupid rules.'
   Chrissy: I could give him an attitude adjustment. In 
    fact, I'd love to.
   Diandra: Are you literally rubbing your hands together 
    in glee right now?
   Chrissy: I would send you all the plot bunnies running 
    through my head right now, but you'd probably just tell 
    me to write them myself.
   Diandra: Probably.
   Emilio: Would it help if it involved recruiting Loki to 
    train him to kneel?
   Chrissy: Oooooo...I know I've said this before, but I 
    really like you.
   Emilio: I know.
   Diandra: You did not just quote "Star Wars".
   Emilio: Of course I did. 

The Ancient One thinks the rule against conjuring "a gateway" 
into the library is hardly arbitrary. He scoffs. "Wong told on 
me?" The Ancient One says he needs a "safe space" to practice 
all these skills he's rapidly acquiring. She waves toward the 
center of the room and the broken mirror wall like the one she 
conjured during the chase at the beginning of the movie 
appears. She walks through it and Stephen tentatively follows, 
staring slackjawed back at it from the other side. The Ancient 
One, her voice echoing and bouncing weirdly, announces that 
he's inside the mirror dimension now. It's always there, but 
nobody can see it and whatever they do inside it doesn't affect 
the "real world". Not content to take her word for that, he 
waves his hand in front of a student who is pouring tea. She 
doesn't see him. The Ancient One says they use this dimension 
to train, surveil and occasionally contain threats. She warns 
him to make sure he doesn't get trapped in here without the 
sling ring. A weirdly specific comment that guarantees somebody 
will do this at some point. He asks what she means by "threats" 
exactly. She just points to the floor and the entire room 
starts doing the kaleidoscoping tile thing we just saw 
Kaecilius use on the church. She intones that infinite 
multiverses means infinite dangers and if she told him about 
all the things he doesn't know yet he'd run away screaming in 
terror.
   Emilio: Try me, Beyonce.

And we cut right to the courtyard where students are training. 
Stephen asks Mordo just how "ancient" the Ancient One is 
exactly.
   Chrissy: Oh, as old as civilization, probably. She used 
    to call herself "Eve", but she decided the religious 
    connotation was too pretentious.
   Diandra: Hello, random reference.
   Chrissy: It's really not.
   Diandra: So it's in some alternate universe where Loki 
    pretended to be a human vampire?
   Chrissy: He was going through a rebellious emo phase.
Mordo says nobody knows because she doesn't talk about her past 
other than to vaguely acknowledge that she's "Celtic". Stephen 
marvels that Mordo follows her despite not knowing who she is. 
Um...knowing how old she is isn't the same thing as knowing who 
she is.
    Emilio: Never met a girl who lies about her age?
Mordo confirms that he knows plenty about her. Enough to know 
she is a good teacher. "She made me what I am."

Mordo drops into a fighting stance and then for the rest of 
this scene Chiwetel has to pretend he couldn't totally wipe the 
floor with Benedict's ass and his five black belts. Mordo tells 
Stephen to trust his teacher and make sure he doesn't lose his 
way. Stephen is like 'this is about Kaecilius again, isn't it?' 
He asks if Mordo knew him. Mordo puts him in a choke hold and 
says Kaecilius came to them a broken, grieving man who had lost 
everyone he ever loved and was hoping to find answers in mystic 
arts. He was brilliant, but proud and stubborn and constantly 
questioned his teachings and IS THIS REMINDING YOU OF ANYBODY?
   Chrissy: Hey, you're the one who insisted on bringing 
    him in here.
   Diandra: Yeah, well...humans are notorious for thinking 
    THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT.
   Chrissy: As long as we're paused here, did Michael 
    Giacchino just totally incorporate the theme from 
    "Mission Impossible"?
   Emilio: THAT'S why it sounded familiar!
   Diandra: Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised.

Stephen elbows Mordo and staggers away, rubbing his throat like 
'dude, I can't safeword if you're choking me!'
   Chrissy: I have taught you well.
Mordo continues, undaunted, that Kaecilius left Kamar Taj and 
took his "disciples" with him. They went willingly because they 
were "seduced" by his false prophecies. 
   Emilio: I guess you're just going to have to make sure 
   you seduce Stephen first.
Stephen asks what this "forbidden ritual" Kaecilius stole does. 
   Chrissy: Hahahahahaha nice try.
Mordo picks up a baton and announces that there will be no more 
questions. "What's that," Stephen asks, looking at the baton 
he's probably about to be beaten with. Mordo is like 'DID I 
JUST STUTTER, BITCH?'

Mordo waves the baton in his face and says it is a "relic". 
"Some magic is too powerful to sustain, so we imbue objects 
with it, allowing them to take the strain we cannot." He says 
this ordinary looking stick is called "the staff of the living 
tribunal". Then he whips his hand along it to make it spark and 
sends a blast into the ground in front of Stephen, who nearly 
leaps out of his skin. He holds it up triumphantly while 
Stephen pretends he didn't almost scream like a little girl 
just now and says there are many relics like this. The Wand of 
Watoom, which if the Marvel Puzzle game is any indication looks 
like a creepy voodoo doll. The Vaulting Boots of Valtoor, which 
he is apparently wearing because he taps one of his boots and 
sparks come off it. Stephen is like 'yeah...cool names...when 
do I get one of those fun toys?' Mordo is like 'when you're 
good and ready.' Stephen thinks he's ready.
   Chrissy: Hahahahaha...of course he does. Impatient 
    newbies are always eager to push their limits.
   Emilio: Can he at least practice by handling Mordo's 
    staff?
   Diandra: Okay, the hand gesture that went with that 
    comment was completely unnecessary and doesn't 
    translate into type, Emilio.

Mordo says the RELIC will decide when he's ready. Not him. He 
orders Stephen to conjur up a weapon. Stephen barely gets a few 
sparks going between his hands before Mordo attacks him, 
screaming at him to "FIGHT LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT" 
because we're still using the sink or swim method of training 
apparently. Stephen deflects a few blows with what looks like a 
sparking rope before Mordo breaks it. Mordo uses his boots to 
run through the air around him and knock him down. Then he 
stands over him like 'WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT BEING READY?' The 
Ancient One stops what she's doing to look at them, tries not 
to smile and goes right back to training her student.

Night. Stephen sits at his desk with his product placed Surface 
and starts composing an email to Christine. Because I guess he 
did have more than just the watch. Except he makes it clear in 
the first sentence that he's been trying to contact her for a 
while and obviously not succeeding. So he gives up and runs 
through the rain to the library.

He pulls down the book with the missing pages and starts 
flipping through it while eating an apple because he is a 
horrible library patron. He focuses on a page with a drawing 
that looks like a metal eye - exactly like the amulet thing on 
the pedestal with the floating lava planet - and calls to Wong. 
Not getting any answer, he puts the apple down and runs over to 
grab the amulet - actually a necklace - from the pedestal. He 
hangs it around his neck and reads steps from the book out 
loud. "First, open the Eye of Agomotto"
   Chrissy: And then we'll break for lunch so your first 
   born can use it as a teething ring.
He makes a funny gesture with both hands and the center parts 
of the "eye" twist around to reveal a green glowing stone that 
we're apparently supposed to immediately recognize as one of 
the Infinity Stones. He looks amazed that that actually worked 
and makes a circular gesture, conjuring a pattern in the air. 
He separates his hands and the circle of light is still 
attached to his right hand. He twists his wrist and more bites 
are taken from the apple sitting on the desk until all that is 
left is the core. He twists in the other direction and the 
process reverses until the bites he already took are gone too, 
leaving it perfectly intact. Question: what is this process 
doing to the contents of his stomach? Is the apple appearing 
and disappearing there too?
   Chrissy: I'm pretty sure we agreed there wouldn't be any 
   questions.

In his giddy excitement at having successfully manipulated 
time, he channels George Takei and just says "oh my." Then he 
does it again, only this time he twists further until the apple 
core is rotting away before going back to its original fully 
intact state. Then he gets an idea and moves the apple aside, 
putting the book in its place. He turns back time so the 
missing pages appear, reattaching themselves to the binding. 
"Dormammu," he reads. "The Dark Dimension...eternal life..." A 
wall of mirrors appears between him and the book and Mordo runs 
in screaming at him to STOP because tampering with "continuum 
probabilities" is strictly forbidden. Stephen, looking exactly 
like a child who has been caught with his hand in the 
proverbial cookie jar, babbles that he was just doing what the 
book says. Wong, who has followed Mordo in, is like 'yeah, and 
did you skip the part where it warned of how FUCKING DANGEROUS 
those spells are?' Stephen meekly notes that he didn't get to 
that part yet because, as is a common trait found in males of 
the species, he didn't read the directions first. Mordo rants 
about creating branches of time and unstable dimensional 
openings and paradoxes and killing your own grandfather.
   Emilio: Eh. Wibbly wobbly.

He yells that Stephen could accidentally get stuck in a loop 
reliving the same moment over and over for eternity. Well, that 
sounds like another important plot point that will be brought 
up later. Especially if you pair it with the Groundhog Day 
reference earlier. Stephen, looking chastised, mutters that 
they should put the warnings BEFORE the spells. Wong closes the 
book, which has the effect of making Stephen flinch back like 
his hand was slapped and says that he wasn't manipulating the 
space-time continuum. He was breaking it. "We do not tamper 
with natural law. We defend it." He goes to put the book back 
while Mordo comes to a realization and demands to know how 
Stephen was even able to do that. Apparently there are a lot of 
prerequisites to being able to understand how to do that spell. 
Stephen says he has the same thing every writer uses as a 
shortcut to brilliant characters: a photographic memory. Mordo 
says that took more than just a good memory. He's a natural at 
this. Stephen grumbles about his hands still shaking. "For now, 
yes," Wong says cryptically. Stephen is like oh, and that's 
going to change eventually is it? Mordo says maybe, but they're 
not prophets, so... Stephen snaps at him that they've yet to 
explain to him what they ARE. Wong and Mordo look at each other 
like 'should we tell him or should we just punish him for his 
insolence?'
   Chrissy: [opens mouth]
   Diandra: [quickly interrupting] Yes, we all know what 
    your answer would be.

They take him to the room with the pedestal and floating orb. 
Wong exposits that the Avengers protect the planet from 
physical dangers, but THEY protect it from...other threats. 
Stephen gapes at the orb as it lights up. Wong keeps rambling 
that the Ancient One is just the latest in a very long line of 
Sorcerers Supreme going back to Agomotto, who was an actual 
person and created that eye Stephen was carelessly playing with 
and is still wearing. Agomotto created three sanctums in 
"places of power" that have since been built over by major 
cities. He points to the three doors leading off the pedestal 
with different symbols on them and identifies them as leading 
to Hong Kong, New York and London. He says the three of them 
generate a protective shield around the Earth...s Northern 
Hemisphere. Wakanda is probably taking up the slack in the 
southern end. Mordo says their duty is to protect those 
sanctums. Stephen, now relegated to the role of audience 
surrogate, asks what they need protecting from, exactly. Wong 
says beings from other dimensions that threaten the universe. 
Stephen asks if Dormammu is one of those. Mordo asks how the 
hell he knows about THAT now. He says uh...I just read it in 
that book back there?

Wong and Mordo look at each other again and Wong spins a couple 
dials on the pedestal. The lights on the orb go out as he 
explains...sort of...that Dormammu is from the "Dark Dimension" 
which is beyond the edges of time. He is the destroyer of 
worlds.
   Emilio: Though he prefers to be called the Dark Lord of 
    All.
   Diandra: Stormageddon?
   Emilio: Stormageddon.
   Chrissy: I'm sorry, what?
   Diandra: I'll explain later.

He is a being "of infinite power and endless hunger on a quest 
to invade every universe and bring all worlds into his Dark 
Dimension." 
   Emilio: Meh. Sounds like the kind of thing The Doctor 
    takes care of once a week.
And he wants Earth most of all because of course Earth is the 
most important planet in the entire universe. Stephen says so 
the pages Kaecillius stole...Wong finishes that they are a 
spell to contact Dormammu and draw power from the Dark 
Dimension.
   Chrissy: Sorry, how is this different from what the Evil 
    Elf Doctor was trying to do in the last "Thor" movie?
   Emilio: It isn't. 
   Diandra: No, wait, I know this one. Malekith used the 
    Aether infinity stone to call on the energy to wipe out 
    all the "worlds" just as they were lining up in the 
    vector of Pieces or something. Whereas Kaecillius 
    chanted a spell that apparently requires a completely 
    different infinity stone to basically do the same thing 
    at any time.
   Chrissy: ............uh-huh. So basically, comic book 
    writers like to stick to the same storylines.
   Emilio: Yep. Makes for good video games.

Stephen blinks, laughs nervously and says "okay, um...I'm out." 
He says he just came here to fix his problem with his hands, 
not get caught up in some interdimensional magic war. A clock 
bongs in the distance and the door to London opens. A guy runs 
toward them, getting blasted in the back by Kaecillius before 
he can get through the doorway. Kaecillius summons what looks 
like a giant fireball out of thin air and slams it into the 
floor. The blast sends everybody flying backwards. Stephen 
flies right through the opposing door, which slams behind him 
before he can find out what happened to Mordo and Wong. 

He staggers into the next room, which looks like a hotel lobby 
with an enormous, ornate staircase. He stumbles out the front 
door and frowns at his surroundings, which are obviously New 
York going by the license plates on the cars and design of the 
buildings. The address next to the door he just emerged from 
says "177A Bleecker Street", which, despite what fans who 
probably have never seen anything Benedict Cumberbatch wasn't 
in might think, has nothing to do with Sherlock Holmes. 
Apparently it was a reference to an actual place one of the 
writers working on this series in the 60s once lived, which is 
when he made it the address of the Sanctum. Stephen looks at 
the top window, which bears the design that was on the sanctum 
door and we pan up to show the New York skyline in case anybody 
was still not getting this.

So he goes back inside and starts wandering around aimlessly. 
He finds a room with three doors leading to entirely different 
looking environments. He opens the middle one, blinks at the 
waves crashing on a beach, closes it and fiddles with the knob 
next to the door until the scene changes to sand dunes in a 
desert.

He keeps wandering, finding a room with several glass cases 
full of artifacts that are apparently recognizable to people 
with far more knowledge of Marvel canon than I have. A red 
cloak in one of the cases moves as he passes. Then he hears 
that tile shifting noise from downstairs and creeps out onto 
the balcony to find a black guy who has just now appeared for 
some reason standing at the foot of the stairs. The entire 
entrance is twisting and shifting away to let Kaecillius and 
his minions in. Kaecillius identifies the black guy as 
"Daniel", the current Master of the New York sanctum. Daniel 
cocks his head and prompts Kaecillius to tell him what that 
means. Kaecillius sighs that Daniel will die to protect the 
sanctum. 

This bit of explanatory overture over, Kaecillius appears to 
pull a web between his hands. His minions - one male and one 
female - attack Daniel and drive him to his knees with a little 
effort. Stephen runs out and yells "stop" a half a second 
before Kaecillius spears Daniel. Kaecillius removes the spear 
and he and Stephen stare at each other like 'well, this is a 
terrible idea and we both know it.'
   Chrissy: Ahem. Just give me a second to wipe the blood 
    off my spear and I'll be right with you.
   Diandra: ...............[sigh]
   Emilio: It wouldn't have blood on it if you did it 
    right.
   Diandra: Don't encourage her.

"How long have you been at the Kamar Taj, Mister..." Kaecillius 
prompts. "Doctor," Stephen corrects reflexively. Kaecillius 
cocks his head like 'well, that's a stupid name.'
   Emilio: A look Benedict has seen many times.
Stephen belatedly adds "it's Strange." Kaecillius gives the 
expected answer in this comedy of errors: "maybe. Who am I to 
judge?" Stephen frowns and Kaecillius stabs Daniel, who is 
somehow still alive, again. Stephen tries to throw a spell at 
Kaecillius or something and it fizzles. Then he strains to 
create a weapon the same way he did when Mordo attacked him and 
forced him to think faster. This time, the minions force him to 
move faster by running up the walls on either side of the 
staircase and attacking him. He knocks the woman back and 
slings what was probably a priceless artifact at the man.

Kaecillius throws his spear at Stephen, who...deflects it into 
the mirror universe, I think. It kind of happens fast. Stephen 
apparently realizes he's probably not going to win this and 
just turns and runs away. Kaecillius and his minions follow and 
Kaecillius warps the hallway Stephen is running down so it 
lengthens and the floor turns into a treadmill running 
backwards. Stephen finally decides 'fuck it', turns around and 
makes a few gestures that probably looked hilarious on set. 
Circular shields appear in both of his hands and he drops into 
a fighting stance. Aaaaand one of the shields fizzles out. He 
shakes his hand frantically, but it won't come back. As they 
close in on him, Kaecillius jumps on the ceiling, the minions 
jump on the walls.
   Chrissy: [singing] Nooooooooonnnnnnn, je ne regret 
    rieeeeeeeeennnnn!
   Emilio: Wait...hasn't it been raining in every other 
    scene? Wasn't that a thing in that movie too?
   Diandra: Yeah, we're not going that deep into this.
   Chrissy: Mostly because it just meant that somebody had 
    to pee.

Stephen gets kicked around a bit, manages to make a whip to 
snap the female minion back the length of the hallway, and then 
Kaecillius starts rotating the whole hallway and flinging him 
around like a pinball.
   Chrissy: Seriously, I get the feeling the designer for 
    this movie watched Inception and said "yeah, that's 
    cool, but how can I make it EVEN MORE COMPLICATED?"
   Diandra: And then he did what the original writers were 
    probably doing when they wrote this character: like, 
    all the drugs.
When everything stops moving for a second, Stephen tries to run 
again. So Kaecillius rotates the hallway so it's going up and 
down. Stephen grabs a light fixture as everything not anchored 
goes shooting past him on the way down. Then he looks down and 
realizes the door leading to the desert is at the end of the 
"hall" and the female minion is standing in front of it. He 
drops, kicking her straight through and grabbing the doorway to 
pull himself back. 

The hallway rights itself and he goes to push the button on the 
doorway to change it before the minion can run back in, but her 
male counterpart leaps at him and slaps his hand away. He 
reaches back a couple more times in the ensuing fight until he 
manages to twist the knob and the desert disappears, replaced 
by a rainforest. He manages to flip the male minion over his 
back mid-fight through the doorway and quickly twist the knob 
again to show the Grand Canyon. Kaecillius, armed with swords, 
lunges at him and he just ducks and runs away again, tipping 
over things in a still intact hallway to block the path of 
somebody who was just WALKING ON THE CEILING.

He gets to the top floor, frantically trying to conjure a 
weapon and failing and then just grabs a large chalice looking 
thing with a light in it and turns to Kaecillius with a 
triumphant "ha!" Kaecillius hesitates for a moment, then kind 
of stands down a little, sighs and notes "you don't know how to 
use that, do you?" Stephen looks at it and says "uhhhhhh..." He 
tries to throw it, loses it immediately and they go back to 
wrestling and hitting. Kaecillius kicks him through three of 
the display cases in a row, the last one containing the 
hovering cloak. Stephen is half inside this one when Kaecillius 
takes a swing at him and the cloak moves to block him. The 
cloak goes back to its original position. Assuming this is some 
weird coincidence, Stephen goes to crawl away and Kaecillius 
grabs him and tries to swing again and the cloak blocks him 
again. Kaecillius gives up and just knees Stephen in the 
stomach, which the cloak apparently has no objection to.

The fight moves to the top of the stairs with Stephen wearing 
down and losing badly. Kaecillius kicks him over the railing. 
The cloak flies out after him and disappears over the drop. A 
second later Stephen, wearing the cloak, floats back into view 
and casts a whip to wrap around Kaecillius' sword. They play a 
game of tug of war and Kaecillius unbalances Stephen so Stephen 
flies right into him and they both hit the floor, losing their 
weapons.

They scramble to their feet and go to fight again, but the 
cloak decides 'nope, you're done here' and drags Stephen 
backward across the room until he hits the wall. He notices a 
weapon nearby and, thinking this is what it's trying to direct 
him to, goes to grab it. The cloak holds him in place like 'no, 
you idiot.' He fights against it, straining to reach the 
weapons, while Kaecillius approaches again, probably amused by 
this little display. The cloak manages to get Stephen turned 
around and flaps in the direction of something on another wall. 
It looks like a bunch of metal rods that are vaguely human-
shaped. He dodges a couple more blows before reaching it, 
pulling it down and tossing it at Kaecillius. 

The jumble hits Kaecillius and, with a series of clanking 
noises, wraps around him and forces him to kneel on the floor, 
his arms behind him, part of it covering his mouth.
   Chrissy: So..............can I buy something like that 
    on Amazon, or...
   Diandra: Probably. I mean, it's Amazon. I'm surprised 
    half your toy collection didn't come from there.
   Emilio: I feel like Amazon is becoming one of those flea 
    markets you would see on Doctor Who in the year 400,000 
    A.C.
   Chrissy: Is that where the sonic screwdriver came from?
   Diandra: [at the same time] A.C.?
   Emilio: I think it did, but I don't remember when that 
    happened. And I can never remember what the new 
    abbreviations for eras are so I'm probably thinking of 
    AC/DC.
   Chrissy: It WAS A.D. in places with Christian influence, 
    but we're slowly changing it to C.E. for Common Era 
    because that way all the big religions can agree on the 
    same measurements.
   Emilio: That's what I was looking for. C.E. Stupid 
    brain.
   Chrissy: I think I can see why you and the queen of 
    mixed metaphors over here became friends.

Stephen just stares at him for a while, panting, probably 
wondering just what kind of kinky shit the sentient being that 
seems to have possessed the cloak was into.
   Emilio: Oh, I think we can guess.
Kaecillius starts saying something but it's muffled by the 
bondage gear. Stephen pulls off the part covering his mouth and 
leans into hear it, realizes he's chanting in an ancient 
language and groans at him to shut up. "You cannot stop this, 
Mister Doctor," Kaecillius says as ominously as it is possible 
for someone in such a submissive pose to sound. Stephen asks 
what the hell "this" even is that he's supposed to be trying to 
stop. 
   Chrissy: So you weren't listening at all to what Mordo 
   and Wong were saying, basically.

Kaecillius cryptically says it's the end and the beginning. 
"The many becoming the few becoming the One." Stephen offers to 
just put the gag back on if he's just going to spew nonsense.
   Emilio: I don't think that's the sort of gag the person 
    who made that bondage suit had in mind.
   Chrissy: No, but as a submissive himself he probably 
    wouldn't know that.
   Emilio: Can I revise my earlier plot bunny about Loki 
    making Strange kneel?
   Diandra: I swear, I am minutes from walking away and 
    letting the two of you finish this recap yourselves.
   Chrissy: That would only make it worse, you know.
   Diandra: That's why I haven't done it yet.

Kaecillius begins with "Mister Doctor" again and Stephen says 
it's DOCTOR STEPHEN STRANGE THANK YOU. Kaecillius says oh, so 
he IS a doctor then. Which means he's a scientist so he should 
understand the laws of nature. Birth and death. Everything is 
doomed to die. The Earth and all living creatures on it. The 
sun. The universe. But the Dark Dimension is "beyond time" 
so... Stephen sighs and announces that he's putting the gag 
back on. He approaches Kaecillius, who quickly says that the 
world doesn't HAVE to die. It can become part of the One. The 
great and beautiful One where they can all live forever. Yeah. 
There's a reason his people are called Zealots. Stephen is like 
uh-huh. Sure. And what does he personally have to gain from 
this "New Age dimensional utopia"? Kaecillius says they would 
all get the same thing, even him: immortality. "People think in 
terms of good and evil, but really Time is the true enemy of us 
all. Time kills everything." The people he's killed so far are 
just insignificant "momentary specks within an indifferent 
universe". Stephen blinks, obviously recalling using similar 
words with The Ancient One and probably finally understanding 
why she was reluctant to take him at first. Kaecillius thinks 
this means he understands what they're trying to do now. He 
SEES. "The world is not what it ought to be. Humanity longs for 
the eternal. For a world beyond time because time is what 
enslaves us."
   Chrissy: And why Mordo and Wong are probably seeing a 
   potential threat coming from him too.

"We don't seek to rule this world. We seek to save it. To hand 
it over to Dormammu, who is the intent of all evolution. The 
why of all existence." He asks what it was that made Stephen go 
to Kamar-Taj. Enlightenment? Power? Stephen clenches his hands 
to try to keep them from shaking. Kaecillius says no, he 
probably went to be healed because Kamar Taj "is a place that 
collects broken things" and they all went there to be healed in 
some way and the Ancient One just teaches them "parlor tricks" 
while she keeps the "real magic" to herself. "You ever wonder 
how she managed to live this long?" Stephen, kind of faltering, 
mutters that he saw the rituals in the Book of Cagliostro. 
Kaecillus says that he knows those rituals give him the power 
to overthrow her, take down the Sanctums and let the Dark 
Dimension take over. "Because what the Ancient One hoards, 
Dormammu gives freely."
   Chrissy: Yeah...if it sounds too good to be true it 
    probably is.
   Diandra: Why is it the bad guys never learn this rule?
   Emilio: Because if they did they'd be good guys?

Kaecillius promises that Dormammu is not actually the destroyer 
of worlds, but the savior. Stephen snaps out of it and realizes 
he's listening to a snake describe the Garden of Eden or 
something.
   Emilio: That's not...
   Chrissy: See what I mean about the metaphor mixing?
Stephen takes the fact that Kaecillius looks like a crazy 
person who had a glitter-related accident to mean that he's 
deranged. And also, still a murderer. If he represents the 
kingdom Dormammu promises, it can't be all that great.

Kaecillius chuckles suddenly. Stephen asks what's so funny. 
Kaecillius says he just realized Stephen lost his sling ring. 
Stephen frantically feels for it, turning in circles like maybe 
he just dropped it during the fight and it's on the floor 
somewhere. One of the zealots appears through a portal and 
spears him, then throws him down the stairs.

So he stumbles, bleeding, down the apparently endless halls. He 
falls to the floor and crawls pathetically as the zealot, 
apparently having waited for him to get a head start for some 
reason, stands over him menacingly with another magic spear. He 
goes to stab again and the cloak whips off Stephen's shoulders 
and wraps around his face, yanking him into the nearest wall. 
He falls, yelling as the cloak repeatedly slams his head into 
the floor. Stephen grabs the zealot's dropped sling ring, 
staggers upright and forms a portal into his hospital, 
staggering right into a janitor's cart in the closet. He 
staggers out into the hall and asks the first alarmed nurse to 
find Doctor Palmer. Luckily, she's just at the end of the hall 
and comes running at the commotion, alarmed to see him weirdly 
dressed and bleeding all over the place. He tells her to take 
him to an operating theater. JUST her.

She half holds him up as he staggers through a door into an 
operating room and babbles that he was stabbed and he has a 
cardiac tamponade. He flops onto a gurney and she rips open the 
weird tunic and taps on his chest, announcing that the cavity 
is clear. He slurs yeah, the blood is in the pericardial sac, 
then he loses consciousness. She panics, tries to wake him and 
attaches a monitor to his chest that beeps slowly. The camera 
pulls back while she's fussing with equipment and his Astral 
body jolts out of his body and floats to the other side of the 
gurney, looking down.
   Chrissy: Jesus, is that what I look like? That beard 
   looks so stupid from this angle.

Christine goes to insert a needle to draw the blood pressing on 
his heart and he gestures and he somehow uses the mirror 
universe to become visible or something and tells her to go a 
little higher. She screams and falls back onto the equipment 
cart. He's like 'stop screaming, it's just me' and she blinks 
and stammers like 'who the FUCK is drugging my coffee?!' He 
says it's okay, it's just his astral body. She asks if that 
means he's dead, totally ignoring the beeping going on in the 
background. He says no, but he's DYING so he really needs her 
to focus right now.
   Chrissy: Also, this harness they put me in to make it 
   look like I'm hovering is starting to chafe, so if you 
   could move faster that'd be great.

He sticks his fingers in his body's chest to guide her and she 
squeaks "oh, wow." He moves back and she sticks the needle in a 
spot turning purple with blood, babbling that she's never seen 
a wound like this before and what the HELL was he stabbed with? 
He says he honestly doesn't know.

Back in the Sanctum, the zealot manages to break free of the 
cape by going astral as well. The portal is still open, so he 
just floats right into the hospital and finds the room Stephen 
is in. Astral Stephen is like 'um...I have to...do...something 
now...don't be alarmed.' She whimpers as he backs away and 
disappears, holding the blood filled needle over his chest and 
watching the heart monitor. We switch to astral view as Stephen 
and the zealot start throwing each other around the room, over 
Christine's oblivious head. They land on the gurney with his 
physical body at one point and the force of the zealot punching 
him shakes it.
   Emilio: Hey, if it's rocking, don't come knocking.
Christine gulps and wobbles as they roll off right through her.

And we briefly cut to Doctor Nick out by the vending machines 
getting a bag of chips. Astral Stephen and the Zealot blast 
through the hallway and the vending machine, shaking loose a 
bunch more bags. Nick is like 'YAY! Free snacks!'
   Chrissy: Astral Stephen and the Zealot is a terrible 
    band name, by the way.
   Emilio: Sounds good to me, although you'd probably need 
    more than one Zealot to make it a BAND.
   Chrissy: Maybe. Astral Stephen and the Zealots might 
    make a good name for his porn video too.
   Diandra: Okay, knock it off. Both of you.

They make their way back into the operating room and the zealot 
does a roundhouse kick that makes Stephen go limp. The heart 
monitor flatlines. The zealot grabs Stephen's head like he can 
absorb his life force through his brain or something while 
Christine brings over the crash cart. She sends an electric 
jolt through his physical body and his astral self opens his 
eyes and seems to detonate, sending the zealot flying all the 
way across the room in a shower of sparks. Christine looks at 
the equipment cart rolling away seemingly all on its own and 
turns back to Stephen, trying the time honored method employed 
by all film and television characters: begging him to "come 
on". The monitor beeps weakly. Astral Stephen appears over the 
gurney and orders her to do that again. She squeaks and hisses 
at him to STOP DOING THAT. He ignores her and repeats that she 
should hit him again, but this time up the voltage.
   Chrissy: Why is it always "do it again, but harder" with 
    you?
   Diandra: I didn't see you complaining last time.
   Chrissy: Are you...did you just slip into roleplay like 
    we always did for Sherlock? 
   Diandra: Ummmm...maybe.
   Emilio: Well, that works because apparently she's 
    Stephen too.
   Chrissy: Really?
   Diandra: Thanks. I told you that in CONFIDENCE, Emilio.
   Emilio: Sorry.
   Chrissy: Wait...you took a quiz that told you you're 
    Doctor Strange?
   Diandra: Yeah. After I was convinced from my answers 
    that I'd get some villain I probably hadn't even heard 
    of. When I saw Benedict's face staring back at me from 
    the results page AGAIN I nearly screamed and threw my 
    phone at the wall. 
   Chrissy: Hang on, let me just...[turns head slightly and 
    covers mouth before bursting into a fit of giggles]
   Diandra: And that's why I didn't tell you. I figured 
    you'd use that and the fact that his girlfriend's name 
    is actually Christine as an excuse to try some very 
    confusing and probably uncomfortable role play.
   Emilio: Do I get a vote on this? Because that sounds 
    like it would be fun for me to watch.
   Diandra: Traitor.

Anyway. He says up the voltage and hit him again. She looks at 
the heart monitor and asks why the hell she would do that if 
his heart is beating.
   Chrissy: Just do it! I'm almost there, I just need an 
    extra push!
   Diandra: And we're already switching roles, are we?
   Chrissy: Eh. You don't understand these things the way I 
    do.
He actually does snap at her to just DO IT ANYWAY and 
disappears into the astral plane again. She whimpers, ups the 
voltage until she gets a warning bleat and hits him while his 
astral body just grabs the zealot in a bear hug. Lights spark, 
both Stephen's and the Zealot's physical bodies jolt, Astral 
Stephen screams and Astral Zealot disappears in a puff of 
smoke.

Back in the sanctum, the cloak has apparently decided to stop 
attacking the zealot so we can see his face as he goes still, 
some sort of a rune glowing briefly on his forehead.

Christine tentatively stands from where she was crouched behind 
the gurney and looks around the room warily. Stephen gasps to 
life dramatically, making her yelp again. 

So now that the crisis is over, she can focus on stitching his 
wound. She grumbles about him just showing up "after all this 
time" in weird clothing and flying around in some sort of ghost 
state. "I missed you too, by the way," he says. She's like 
'well, I didn't miss THIS part, smartass.' He points out that 
he sent all sorts of emails and she never responded. THEN he 
apologizes. "For all of it. You were right. I was a complete 
asshole. I treated you so horribly and you deserved so much 
more." She tells him to shut up because he's obviously in shock 
right now. She asks where he's been. He says after he ran into 
a wall with Western medicine treating him, he went to 
Kathmandu. She says what, like the Bob Seger song, which 
prompts him to recite the album the song is from and the year 
it was released.
   Chrissy: Yep, still the same guy. You passed the 
   replicant test.

He rambles about Kamar Taj and the Ancient One and starts 
faltering as he realizes how crazy this is probably sounding to 
her. She sniffs that he joined a cult then. He says um...no, I 
mean, they did teach him how to tap into powers he didn't know 
he had, but even though that totally sounds like a cult it 
isn't. She apparently finishes stitching and he starts to sit 
up. She asks what the hell he thinks he's doing. He jokes that 
he's late for a cult meeting.

He leans on her all the way back to the supply closet. She 
mutters that this is insane and asks if he'll tell her what's 
really going on now. "Well, a powerful sorcerer gave himself 
over to an ancient entity, can bend the very laws of physics, 
tried very hard to kill me, but I left him chained up in 
Greenwich Village and the quickest way back there is through a 
dimensional gateway that I opened up in the mop closet."
   Chrissy: Pffffttttt. Amateur. You're supposed to have 
   failsafes in place if you're going to chain somebody up 
   for an extended scene. This is what happens when subs 
   try to dom.

Christine says FINE, he doesn't have to tell her. He sighs and 
opens the door, gesturing at the still open portal like how 
nice that nobody else has needed anything from this closet 
since he arrived. She approaches it warily. He jumps up into 
the New York Sanctum, apologizes that he really does have to go 
now, and closes the portal behind him. She blinks, turns her 
head and squeals when a mop suddenly tips over and hits the 
ground. This was apparently not in the script and she is not 
acting.
   Chrissy: Who isn't?
   Diandra: ..................Rachel?
   Chrissy: Damn. [hands a five dollar bill to Emilio]
   Diandra: Were you seriously betting on whether I would 
    remember her name after a long period of her not having 
    screen time? When did you even do this?
   Emilio: She texted me a while back. 
   Diandra: I hate you both.
   Chrissy: No you don't.

Back in the sanctum, the cloak is hovering over the zealot's 
dead body creepily.
   Emilio: I think it's safe to say anything it does is 
    creepy by default.
   Diandra: Is this about all those Strange/Cloak porn 
    links I sent you?
   Chrissy: You sent those to him too?
   Diandra: I'm just saying, it might be the best pairing 
    in this corner of the fandom.
Stephen checks the zealot's pulse and absently throws the cloak 
over his shoulders as he goes to check on Kaecillius. 

Kaecillius is gone, the bondage gear spread out on the floor 
where he was. Stephen's just starting to look for him when 
Mordo arrives and calls his name. He's like 'nothing! I wasn't 
doing anything!' Mordo marvels that he's "okay". Stephen is 
like 'yes, my parents had me tested.' Mordo notes that he's 
wearing the Cloak of Levitation, which must mean it chose him.
   Chrissy: Yep. He's mine now, bitch. Back off.
   Diandra: I love how we automatically assume the cloak 
    is possessive.
The Ancient One, right behind Mordo, notes that this is quite 
an achievement because that thing is FICKLE.
   Chrissy: And jealous.

Stephen is like 'yeah, okay, enough about my new 
boyfriend...let's talk about the fact that Kaecillius can fold 
everything around him like it's fucking origami and he's 
running loose again.' The Ancient One is like 'he's doing that 
outside the mirror dimension now? Fucker.' She asks how many of 
his people were with him. Stephen says he stranded one in the 
desert and the other is downstairs, dead. Also dead is the 
master of this sanctum, but they probably know about that 
already since they're here. Mordo says they've already taken 
him back to Kamar Taj. The Ancient One says they've lost the 
London sanctum in that blast they saw. The other two are still 
standing, but that kind of weakens their shield against the 
Dark Dimension. Oh, and since you already defended the sanctum 
once we were kind of hoping you would take over as the master 
of it now. Mordo gives her a look like 'are you fucking kidding 
me? You're passing me over to promote him?'
   Chrissy: I'M supposed to be HIS master, damnit!
   Emilio: Can't you still do that? I mean...it's not like 
    he can use that bondage gear by himself. Or maybe he 
    can because the rules of bondage don't apply to him. 
    Wait...am I arguing against myself now?
   Diandra: You know it's not too late for me to leave you 
    two alone here, right?
   Chrissy: Oh, it's FAR too late.

She calls him Master Strange and he goes off on a rant about 
how it is DOCTOR Strange and he swore an OATH to do no harm and 
he just KILLED SOMEBODY. He says he became a doctor to SAVE 
lives and he can't do this. She says he became a doctor to save 
ONE life most of all: his. He snorts that she's still trying to 
see through him. She's like 'yeah, because nobody else can see 
that massive ego of yours. Sure.' "You want to go back to the 
delusion that you can control anything, even death." She says 
NOBODY can control that. He sneers that apparently Dormammu 
can. He can give them immortality. She corrects that their fear 
of death gives Dormammu life. He feeds off it. Stephen closes 
in on her and asks if she feeds off of him the same way. He 
points out that he saw the missing parts of that book, so he 
knows what she's doing. She warns him to be careful not to say 
something he will regret here. Mordo asks what the hell they're 
talking about. Stephen, not looking away from her, says he 
knows why she's basically immortal: she's drawing power from 
the Dark Dimension. Mordo snorts that that can't possibly be 
right. The Ancient One blinks like 'er...well...' She starts 
rambling about how the zealots will come back and he'll need 
reinforcements. Then she skitters off. 

Mordo stares after her. Stephen says yeah, she's not who he 
thinks she is. Mordo shakes himself and snaps at Stephen that 
he has NO idea of the responsibilities she has. Also, he's a 
coward because these zealots think nothing of killing all of 
them and he's sniveling about having to kill one in self 
defense. Stephen basically fires back the time honored response 
of 'oh yeah? You think you could have done better?' Mordo says 
yes, he wouldn't even hesitate to take those loons out. Stephen 
suggests Mordo is lacking in imagination if he can't think of 
another way to go about this. Mordo suggests Stephen is 
spineless and weak. Before they can come to blows over this, 
there's a clanking noise outside and Mordo growls that "they" 
are back.

They run to the front stairway where two new zealots are 
helping Kaecillius cast what looks like the same spell that 
destroyed the London sanctum at the foot of the stairs. Mordo 
says they need to END this and vaults over the railing, flying 
right into one of the zealots. He turns to the other zealot and 
yells at Stephen between blows to GET DOWN HERE GODDAMNIT. 
Stephen is just floating over the stairway, staring at 
Kaecillius, which turns out to make sense because when 
Kaecillius throws his "bomb" at the ground, the blast is 
contained by a bubble of mirror universe appearing around him. 
Stephen, his voice echoing and booming all over the place, is 
like 'haha...can't hurt anything from in here. And by the way, 
fuck you.' Kaecillius is like 'oh, it is ON now.' He starts 
twisting the staircase Stephen is hovering over and everything 
else in the sanctum. Stephen flies toward him, but then just 
takes his sling ring and runs right out the front door. Mordo 
follows him and they both watch the whole building twist within 
the bubble of the mirror dimension. Stephen says at least 
Kaecillius can't escape without the ring.........right? Yeah, 
because your concern right now is just keeping him from 
escaping. Kaecillius and his minions start charging toward them 
and Mordo yelps at Stephen to run.

So here's where we blow a good chunk of the special effects 
budget. Stephen and Mordo run down the middle of the street and 
when they reach the intersection, the streets break apart and 
fall at weird angles to each other and cars disappear right 
over the edges only to reappear on the other side, apparently 
having driven in a full circle. Stephen stands in the middle of 
an intersection staring at this like '.....shit'. Mordo runs to 
him and says it turns out their powers are even STRONGER when 
they're in the mirror dimension. And while the "real world" is 
safe, the two of them aren't. So congratulations on this 
brilliant plan, Doctor, you're GOING TO GET US BOTH KILLED. 

They start running again, Stephen forming a portal as they run. 
Before they can reach it, Kaecillius twists the entire street 
sideways and they go sliding across it. 

And then we're inside a bus where Stan Lee is reading a book 
and laughing hysterically as Stephen and Mordo splatter against 
the window next to him. It should be noted that the book he is 
reading "The Doors of Perception" is about the author's 
experiments with psychedelic drugs.
   Chrissy: Something Stan Lee would know nothing about, 
    I'm sure.
   Diandra: Yeah, apparently Marvel has always insisted 
    that drugs didn't play a role in the development of 
    this character, but...come on. It was the 60s. Even if 
    the writers somehow managed to avoid doing drugs they 
    MUST have known people who could describe the 
    experience in great detail.
They run off the bus and up the side of the next building.

Stephen tries to make a portal again. Kaecillius slams into the 
building, making the whole thing wobble and the portal 
dissipates. Then he makes a gesture that causes the tower to 
split in half, twisting in opposite directions and sending 
Stephen and Mordo flying.

We pan out to show the New York skyline with a few skyscrapers 
caving inward and everything else floating at jagged angles. 
Stephen and Mordo fall on a different building and run to the 
edge of it to see basically every block of the city forming 
tiny islands floating in the air. "This was a mistake," Stephen 
mutters and Mordo looks at him like 'no fucking shit, 
Sherlock!'
   Chrissy: And there it is! An hour and twenty minutes in.
   Emilio: [applauding] Better late than never!
The building shifts and they go flying through the chaos again. 
Stephen briefly lands on a balcony. Then Mordo lands on solid 
ground and tries to grab Stephen as he falls through it and 
everything twists around to separate them. Kaecillius and the 
minions arrive and they launch into an insane fight sequence 
through a moving MC Escher drawing. Stephen falls through a 
tunnel, lands on a street and somehow winds up running parallel 
to Kaecillius again. Or rather, Kaecillius is running along the 
underside of the same road. When he reaches the end, he runs 
right around the top and straight into Stephen. He pins him to 
the ground with one hand around his neck and retrieves the 
sling ring. Then he forms another magic spear and goes to stab 
Stephen but the road suddenly separates, pulling them in 
different directions.

Kaecillius stands and looks around at the swirling chaos like 
'I didn't do that'. The Ancient One appears on a floating chunk 
of building, her fan shield weapons at ready. A bunch of 
floating pieces form a giant circle, with Stephen and Mordo at 
the center and the zealots and The Ancient One at the edges. 
Mordo looks at the glowing rune that has appeared in the middle 
of her forehead and mutters for the audience benefit that she 
does, in fact, draw energy from the dark dimension. She glances 
at him like 'now isn't the time' and faces Kaecillius, pushing 
Stephen and Mordo to the edge of the circle.

The two start circling the platform while kaleidoscoping chunks 
of other buildings (or possibly the same building) float in 
circles around them. Kaecillius rants about how he came to her 
for answers and all she gave him was lies. She says she was 
protecting him from himself. Because obviously he needed it. 
She says Dormammu is the one deceiving him because he has no 
idea what that thing really is. "His eternal life is not 
paradise, but torment."
   Chrissy: Ah, the old 'immortality is a curse, not a 
    blessing' routine.
   Emilio: Well, it is, isn't it?

His minions flank him and they all attack her at once, 
launching into an epic fight. At one point, Kaecillius does his 
slam the ground to make it wave trick and she just does it 
right back at him, sending him flying to the edge of the 
circle. Then, while she's distracted fighting the minions, he 
grabs his sling ring, stabs her with one of his magic spears 
and kicks her through a portal. Stephen and Mordo, who have 
just been standing by watching this whole fight, jump through 
after her, but totally fail to catch her before she crashes to 
the sidewalk in the middle of a crowded street. Pedestrians 
scream in horror and Stephen runs up to crouch over her.

And then we're back in the hospital and Stephen is yelling for 
Christine again. At the nurses station she groans "are you 
kidding me?"
   Chrissy: My god, you are SO NEEDY.
She snaps out of it as she sees him running alongside a gurney 
with two other staff members. He yells that she has a "stunned 
myocardium" and it's "neurogenic".

He scrubs up and joins the team in the operating theater, but 
realizes he can't do much when he picks up a scalpel and notes 
that his hand is still shaking. He looks around and calls Nick 
over, handing him the scalpel and instructing him to relieve 
the pressure on her brain. Nick just takes the scalpel like 'I 
will gloat about this later.' The heart monitor flatlines and 
Stephen and Christine start shouting urgently. Nurses announce 
that they're not getting brain activity. Stephen looks around, 
realizes what The Ancient One is probably doing and leaps out 
of his body right there so everyone can fret about him too when 
his body hits the floor for no apparent reason.
   Chrissy: Just once, you could try thinking things 
    through a little first.
   Diandra: Nah. More fun this way.

He chases the Ancient One's astral form through the halls, 
asking what the hell she thinks she's doing because she's GOING 
TO DIE if she doesn't get back in her body. She stops at a 
balcony outside the cafeteria with an excellent view of the 
city. She dismisses his worry because "time is relative" and 
"your body hasn't even hit the floor yet". Something that looks 
like a slow streak of lightning snakes across the sky.
   Emilio: Oh, good, Thor is here!
She says she's spent years looking across time and seeing this 
exact moment and nothing after it. "I've prevented countless 
terrible futures. And after each one there's always another. 
And they all lead here, but never further." Stephen concludes 
that she's always known this was when she was going to die. She 
asks if he wonders what she sees in HIS future. He says no 
instinctively. She gives him a look and he mutters yes. She 
says she doesn't know, she's only seen possibilities. But he 
has great "capacity for goodness". "You've always excelled. Not 
because you craved success, but because of your fear of 
failure." He thinks this is what made him a great doctor. She 
says nah, it's what KEPT him from greatness. "Arrogance and 
fear still keep you from learning the simplest and most 
significant lesson of all." He asks what THAT is. She turns to 
him and says "It's not about you."
   Emilio: Arrogance and fear or just being a white male?

He just stares at her while the camera pans around and she 
talks about how he came to her asking questions about Jonathan 
Pangborn and how she managed to heal him. The answer is she 
didn’t. He learned how to channel dimensional energy into his 
body. A steady stream of magic that helps him walk. "He had a 
choice to return to his own life or to serve something greater 
than himself." So basically, if he wanted to Stephen could do 
the same thing and get his hands and his career back. 
Buuuuuuuttttt..."I've hated drawing power from the dark 
dimension. But as you well know, sometimes one must break the 
rules in order to serve a greater good." Snowflakes are 
hovering in the air, suspended in time. A helicopter is frozen 
over the bay nearby. Stephen grumbles that Mordo won't see 
things this way. The Ancient One agrees that Mordo is rigid and 
immovable. "He needs your flexibility just as you need his 
strength."
   Chrissy: Yeah, he was quite impressed by my flexibility 
    back in Kamar Taj, if you know what I mean.
   Diandra: But wasn't HE impressed by MY strength before?
   Emilio: I thought that was his stamina.
   Diandra: What are we even talking about anymore?

She thinks together they just MIGHT stand a chance at stopping 
Dormammu. "I'm not ready," he says for the first time ever, 
probably. She says tough because nobody ever gets to "choose 
our time". She reaches for his hand without looking and rambles 
again about mortality and death giving life meaning. She should 
probably be ready for it by now, and yet she's stretching this 
moment of death out just so she can watch the snow one last 
time. She lets go of his hand suddenly and disappears.

Back in the operating room, she is flatlining and everyone is 
giving up and we're apparently not going to address whether or 
not Stephen got back to his body in time to prevent it from 
smacking the floor.

Christine finds him out washing his hands at the sink, the 
cloak hovering several feet behind him. She hesitates a second, 
staring at it and then just shrugs and goes to wash her hands 
as well. He reaches to grab her hand and she asks if he's okay. 
He doesn't answer, but kind of sidles closer to her. She says 
she doesn't understand what's going on here. He says he doesn't 
either, really, but he's going to have to leave again. He 
cradles her face and reminds her of what she said about him 
losing his hands not being the end of his life. She says yes, 
"because there are other ways to save lives." And then somebody 
pages her to the ER and she groans, kisses his cheek and drags 
herself away. The cloak perches on his shoulders and he pops 
the collar to dramatic hero music. Then the music kind of dies 
and the collar brushes his cheeks, wiping away his tears until 
he snaps at it to knock it off. It bends away from his face 
like 'well, FINE THEN.'
   Chrissy: The cloak may well be sassier than him.
   Diandra: I think Wong might have them both beat though.
   Emilio: I'd pay to watch that catfight.

Hong Kong. Because apparently Kaecillius just moved on to the 
third sanctum after being unable to destroy the New York one. 
He and his new minions appear via portal in the street. They 
march toward the sanctum, where Wong is waiting with what looks 
like all the students from Kamar Taj, armed with weapons that 
are probably enchanted. He snarls that NO ONE will be setting 
foot in this sanctum. Because nobody fucking messes with a 
pissed off librarian on their turf, okay?
   Chrissy: Yeah, I learned that lesson the hard way.
   Emilio: And I learned from your example.
   Chrissy: Glad to hear it.

He goes out to meet Kaecillius on the street and Kaecillius 
greets him by muttering that he's on the "wrong side of 
history."
   Emilio: No, he's on the Wong side.
   Diandra: [groan]
   Emilio: Sorry. Practicing my dad jokes.
Kaecillius and his minions pull their weapons...

...and we cut to Mordo standing in the ruins of the room that 
connects the three sanctums in Kamar Taj. Stephen comes through 
a portal and announces defeatedly that the Ancient One is dead. 
Mordo says yeah, well, Stephen was right about her not being 
who he thought she was. Stephen says yeah, it's...complicated. 
Mordo gestures at the mess and says "complicated?" He rants 
that the dark dimension is dangerous and volatile and it could 
have taken control of her at any time, making it far too risky. 
Plus, there's the fact that "she taught us it was forbidden 
while she drew on its power to steal centuries of life." 
Stephen argues that she was doing what she thought she had to. 
Mordo suggests she was playing with fire and now they're 
getting burned because none of this would have happened if she 
hadn't done it. "Kaecillius was her fault!" That's...overly 
simplistic, don't you think? 
   Chrissy: But her emails!
   Diandra: Yeah, we're not doing that.

Stephen tries to get him to focus again. The London sanctum is 
gone and the New York sanctum has been attacked twice now, so 
it's obvious where they're headed. "You told me once to fight 
like my life depended on it because one day it might. Well, 
today is that day." Yeah, and you're probably lucky you're not 
dead yet the way you've been fumbling around. He says he needs 
Mordo because he can't do this alone. Mordo just nods a little 
and jumps through the portal Stephen makes to Hong Kong.

They arrive significantly later than everybody else did to what 
looks like a war zone. People are screaming. The entire street 
leading to where the sanctum used to be is rubble. The remains 
of a fire hydrant is blasting water into the street. And 
there's something that looks like an entire solar system 
holographic display hovering over the entire city block, 
seemingly eating buildings. Mordo identifies this as the Dark 
Dimension. Which means Dormammu is "coming" and they're too 
late already. Kaecillius and his minions swagger up as Mordo 
moans that there's nothing they can do now. Stephen is like 
'uh....actually.......' He makes the gestures to open the Eye 
of Agomotto that is still around his neck this many scenes 
later even though everyone was horrified that he had it. 
Kaecillius realizes what he's doing and runs toward him, 
leaping in the air just as Stephen stops time. Stephen looks at 
the magic dagger coming toward him again and strains to twist 
everything backward. Kaecillius - and everybody else - flies 
backward, parts of buildings cascade back and repair 
themselves, the water gets sucked back into the reappearing 
hydrant. Apparently no longer needing to do anything to keep 
the backwards movement going, Stephen and Mordo run past the 
zealots and Stephen exposits that they have a second chance. 
Except Kaecillius somehow breaks out of the spell and lunges at 
Stephen, kicking him down.
   Chrissy: What? You didn't think this would be EASY, did 
   you?

They go to fight with each other, getting knocked around by 
flying debris and nearly hit by cars going in reverse down the 
narrow street, one of them flipping over their heads and 
continuing past a barricade of destruction. Mordo fights with 
the zealots. The female is hit by a flying sewer cover and 
sucked into a giant fish tank as it reappears in what is 
probably a restaurant window. A dead guy snaps awake and gets 
sucked back into his car, which drives backward away from the 
street. And there's a moment where Stephen just sort of stands 
in the street watching the chaos swirl around him. Mordo slings 
up onto a reappearing scaffolding, fighting the male zealot the 
whole way. The female zealot - somehow out of the tank already 
- gets trapped behind some scaffolding. All the dust that had 
dispersed from the rubble starts flowing inward at once and 
Kaecillius and Stephen try to find each other in the storm. 
They fight for a few seconds before Mordo swoops in and slings 
Kaecillius into a building that is still repairing, trapping 
him in the wall.

The entire Sanctum apparently just tipped over and as it rights 
itself, Wong is uncovered in the rubble, skewered by a piece of 
rebar. He screams and shoots forward off the rebar, landing in 
a fighting stance. Stephen casts a spell to pull him out of the 
time reverse and he blinks at the swirling chaos like 'the fuck 
did you do?' "Breaking the laws of nature, I know," Stephen 
grumbles. Wong looks back at the rebar he was just skewered on 
and says "well, don't stop now." 
   Emilio: Ha! Yeah, he is really an Asian, male version of 
    you Diandra.
   Diandra: Thanks? I think?
He joins Stephen and Mordo, watching the sanctum rebuild 
itself. Stephen says once it's finished, the zealots will just 
attack it again, so they need to defend it. They start running 
toward it. Then Kaecillius breaks out of the wall and does his 
'spike an energy ball into the ground' move in the middle of 
the street. The blast knocks all three of the heroes down. When 
he hits the ground, the lighted "spell" around Stephen's arm 
kind of...cracks and time stops moving in any direction.

Mordo and Wong pick themselves up and Mordo calls to Stephen - 
still groaning into the pavement - to get up because "we can 
finish this!" Kaecillius laughs that they think they can fight 
the "inevitable" and then he just stares at the mostly rebuilt 
sanctum with the Dark Dimension hovering over it and marvels at 
how pretty it is. "A world beyond time. Beyond death." Stephen, 
still only on his hands and knees, has a sudden realization and 
flies right into the hovering galaxy.

Mordo blinks at the spot where he just was and Kaecillius is 
like 'yeah...that sucks man.' "Even Strange has left you and 
surrendered to his power."
   Chrissy: Ahem.
   Diandra: What?
Mordo looks like he might cry.

Stephen lands on what looks like an asteroid or something amid 
dozens of other swirling objects all in psychedelic colors. He 
messes with the time spell surrounding his arm and then turns 
to face Dormammu as he opens a giant eye. He flies over to a 
somewhat more stable patch of ground, checks the spell on his 
arm and announces "Dormammu, I've come to bargain!" "You've 
come to die," corrects a voice that sounds a lot like Smaug 
and/or Sauron the Great Flaming Vagina. Because it actually is 
Benedict Cumberbatch with, like, one other guy layered over him 
to make it sound like it isn't. 
   Emilio: Of course it is.

Dormammu starts shooting fireballs at him and he forms shields 
in both hands and does a little ballet routine to dodge them. 
He winds up kneeling, holding off a steady blast that, after a 
few solid seconds, destroys the shield and blasts him apart. We 
hover on the particles floating where he used to be for a 
moment while we wonder if the MCU actually killed off a title 
character in his first movie (yeah right). And then we speed 
backward through the whole scene to the point where he was 
futzing with the time spell. Now that we have established he 
has created a Groundhog Day style time loop where he's going to 
repeat this scene over and over, we return to him jumping onto 
the solid slab of ground and announcing "I've come to bargain!" 
Dormammu is like 'you've come to di...wait...I'm getting déjà 
vu. Eh. Whatever.' This time he sends an enormous spear through 
Stephen.
   Chrissy: Without even an ATTEMPT at preparation. 
   Emilio: That's okay, he can take it.

The camera pans around so we can get a good look at his dead 
body pinned by what turns out to actually be two spears.
   Chrissy: Oh, well, there's your problem. You don't just 
    jump into this shit and try to take two at once right 
    away. You need to BUILD UP TO IT. Jesus. Newbies.
   Diandra and Emilio: [stare]
   Chrissy: What?
   Emilio: I -
   Diandra: [interrupting] Don't. Just...don't.
And then before his body can even fully disappear, he's jumping 
down again, announcing that he's come to bargain, except this 
time he sounds a little more annoyed. Dormammu asks what the 
hell is going on here. Stephen says since Dormammu gave 
Kaecillius powers from his dimension, he thought it was only 
fair to bring one from his. He holds up his arm surrounded by 
the green runes and says it is endless, looped time. Dormammu 
draws back, swinging a fist and Stephen grumbles "oh, f..." 
before he's smashed into dust.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Dormammu greets Stephen this time by 
saying he can't do this forever. Stephen is like 'um...pretty 
sure I can. I mean...looking at your ugly face will probably 
get old, but I've resigned to my fate.'
   Emilio: Did you just...
   Chrissy: Yep.
Dormammu is like 'really? You're going to spend all of eternity 
dying over and over?'
   Chrissy: Yes, I will spend the rest of forever being 
   repeatedly speared by a giant who looks and sounds 
   exactly like me. Eat your heart out, Freud.
Actually, he points out that at least if Dormammu is distracted 
with...repeatedly spearing him...he'll leave all the other 
people on Earth alone. Dormammu is like 'okay, but you know I 
won't go easy on you.' Stephen says eh, he's okay with pain.
   Emilio: Why do I feel like we've switched entirely to 
    fanfiction?
   Diandra: Maybe because you've read a story that sounds a 
    lot like this before?
   Chrissy: I know I have.
   Diandra: Why am I not surprised?

Dormammu blasts him apart again. He reappears, doesn't even 
finish saying he's come to bargain before getting speared 
again. Next iteration, he does finish before something that 
might be a fireball drops on him. Then we just flash through a 
few shots of him saying "Dormammu" without showing how he died. 
Then Dormammu starts getting creative, sending spikes from 
under the ground to spear him, sending blasts of green energy 
at him and wrapping him in what looks like tentacles.
   Chrissy: Dude. Tentacle porn? Really?
   Emilio: Yes.

Then he just blasts the shit out of him again, but he stops 
before he kills him. Stephen groans and struggles to his feet. 
Dormammu snarls that he will NEVER win this game. Stephen 
grumbles that he's not trying to WIN. He figures if he can just 
keep Dormammu trapped doing this forever he's basically made 
him his slave. I mean prisoner. 
   Chrissy: Well, that Master title went right to his head.
Dormammu yells "no" and spears him again. The next time he 
jumps down Dormammu is like FINE! OKAY! JUST TELL ME WHAT I CAN 
DO TO MAKE YOUR COCKY ASS GO AWAY. Stephen smirks and says 
"I've come to bargain." Dormammu says FINE, WHAT DO YOU WANT? 
Stephen orders Dormammu to take his zealots off Earth and end 
his assault.
   Emilio: On Earth.
   Chrissy: Also on Stephen. Although at this point he 
    might be enjoying it.
   Diandra: Masochist.
   Chrissy: Yes, that would be the definition.
   Diandra: No, I mean me. What am I still doing here?
If Dormammu agrees to do this and never come back, Stephen 
promises to break the time loop.

Back on the ground in Hong Kong, everything is still frozen. 
Stacks of books are half-toppled. A street food vendor is 
holding a wok with a noodle dish suspended over it. Except we 
went back to before Stephen flew off. Mordo encourages him to 
get up because they can still win this and Kaecillius marvels 
at how beautiful the Dark Dimension is. And then Stephen drops 
down behind Kaecillius, so I guess the other version of him 
just disappeared. Kaecillius turns to him and demands to know 
what he did.
   Chrissy: Let's just say it's a miracle I can still walk 
    considering the size of the spear I was just impaled 
    on.
   Diandra: ...............been working on that one a 
    while?
   Chrissy: By the way, my safe word is now "Dormammu".

Stephen says he made a bargain. Kaecillius looks down to see 
his hand starting to turn to ash or something. Stephen is like 
'yeeeaaaaaaahhhhh, the good news is you're getting what you 
wanted: you will live forever as part of "the one", but...you 
know...it turns out that means you are basically Dormammu's 
bitch. Have fun!' All the zealots are sucked back toward the 
Dark Dimension, turning to ash along the way. Because he would 
outlive God trying to have the last word, Stephen adds that 
Kaecillius really should have stolen the WHOLE book because the 
warnings come AFTER the spells.
   Emilio: Are you saying he IS like Sherlock then?
   Diandra: A really smart, antisocial dick? Yeah. Funny 
    how many of those Benedict has played. Fun fact: I 
    recently unfollowed a Tumblr (after a good long laugh) 
    that did a post raving about how amazing Benedict is 
    because his characters are so DIFFERENT that you don't 
    even recognize it's him until the end credits 
    sometimes. Obviously that person was insane.
   Chrissy: Wait...are you sure they weren't trying to be 
    funny? Like...poking fun at clear patterns in his 
    filmography? I mean...he's voicing SherKhan for fuck's 
    sake.
   Diandra: Nope. They seemed to be genuinely incapable of 
    recognizing him.
   Chrissy: Ouch. 

Wong starts laughing hysterically, declaring "oh, that's funny" 
between chuckles. Stephen stares at him like 
'..............dude.' Then he shrugs and makes a hand gesture 
that is probably more dramatic than it needed to be to finish 
turning back the damage to the sanctum.
   Chrissy: Drama queen.
   Diandra: See?
Once everything is back in place, time starts moving forward 
normally again. The three look around and smile. "We did it," 
Wong says. Stephen grinds his teeth like 'we? WE? I DIED 
REPEATEDLY FOR ALL OF YOU. You should be forming a religion 
around me!' Mordo isn't so impressed. He growls that they did 
it by violating the natural law. Stephen shrugs. He thinks the 
important thing is that it's over and everything is back to 
normal. Mordo cocks his head and asks if Stephen really thinks 
there still won't be consequences. Because they broke the rules 
just as much as the Ancient One did.
   Chrissy: Uh...yeah. She kind of warned me you'd be like 
    this.
   Diandra: Should've listened. Pffffffttttt. Who am I 
    kidding?
Mordo announces that he can't follow "this path" anymore and 
stomps off to start his new life as a villain in the Marvel 
universe. Yep. The uptight stickler for rules is a villain. Go 
figure.

So back in Kamar Taj...I guess...Stephen goes to return the Eye 
of Agomotto to the pedestal he took it from. He hesitates for a 
minute, looking at his hands and the cloak shakes him a little 
before levitating off his shoulders. "Yeah, okay," he grumbles. 
The eye lights briefly as he sets it down. Wong enters the room 
and praises him for making this decision and reminds him that 
he can still wear the Eye once he's had a little more 
experience and knows what the hell he's doing. But for now, 
it's probably best if he doesn't go around wearing one of the 
infinity stones. "A what," Stephen asks cluelessly. Wong looks 
at his baffled face and grumbles "you may have a gift for the 
mystic arts, but you still have much to learn."
   Emilio: And you might want to learn that one fast 
   because I have a feeling Thanos will be showing up any 
   day now, looking for it.

Wong looks at the spinning globe over the podium and murmurs 
that everyone in the multiverse will know the Ancient One is 
dead soon, which means they'll know Earth doesn't have a 
Sorcerer Supreme to protect it. So they need to be ready for 
the coming fight. Stephen thinks they will be. Wong just shrugs 
and goes through the doorway to the New York sanctum. The cloak 
clamps onto Stephen's shoulders again and he follows.

Music that sounds like it is being played on Renaissance era 
instruments trills while Stephen climbs the stairs into the 
attic again and puts the broken watch back on his wrist. He 
looks at his still shaking hands and we pan out to show the New 
York skyline a couple miles behind the sanctum and smash to 
credits while the music switches to what I've always maintained 
sounds like a far Eastern remix of Giacchino's soundtracks for 
J.J. Abrams' "Star Trek" movies.
   Chrissy: It's definitely the most distinctive of all the 
   soundtracks for the MCU so far.

The mid-credit scene starts on a black screen with Thor's voice 
noting that Earth has wizards now. We come back on a shot of 
Stephen slumped in a chair, massaging one temple with a gloved 
hand and looking 1,000% done with this already. Which is kind 
of what you would expect given our conversation earlier about 
him meeting an actual god. As has been pointed out many times 
on Tumblr, if he's this annoyed by THOR, what is going to 
happen when he meets Tony?
   Chrissy: Epic bitchy genius fight is what I'm hoping 
   for.

Stephen offers to get him tea. Thor says he doesn't drink tea. 
Stephen is like 'right because you're Australian' and an 
enormous mug of beer appears in Thor's hand. Thor sniffs at it, 
shrugs and drinks while Stephen talks about a watch list of all 
beings who are considered a threat to this particular realm. He 
says Loki is on it. Thor is like 'yeah, well...that's to be 
expected.' His empty beer mug refills itself magically and he 
blinks at it. Stephen asks why Thor would think bringing Loki 
back to Earth was a good idea then. Thor says it's a long story 
and they'll have plenty of time to get into it in a year and 
maybe five movies. The upshot is that they're looking for Odin. 
Stephen says okay, great. So he'll just help him find Odin and 
they can all get their asses back to Asgard. And if you want to 
know how the rest of this goes - and where Loki is exactly - 
tune in next year!
   Chrissy: My slasher heart kind of ran with the image 
    from the Ragnarok preview of Thor and Bruce finding 
    Loki all chained up and assumed Stephen was keeping him 
    prisoner somewhere in the sanctum.
   Diandra: It's possible that was one of the rejected 
    concepts, actually, along with the "lock him in an 
    enchanted port-a-potty" idea.

And at the end of the credits is this tag: "driving while 
distracted can be hazardous to you and others on the road. 
Please drive responsibly." While this sounds like a "no animals 
were harmed" PSA, it's actually more likely a joke because THE 
WARNINGS ALWAYS COME AFTER.

After the credits, a guy in a hoodie visits Jonathan Pangborn 
in a workshop where he's running a circular saw. Luckily this 
is still a PG-13 Marvel movie, so this is unlikely to be too 
gruesome. Hoodie - who turns out to be Mordo - notes that 
Pangborn had to be carried into Kamar Taj and now look at him. 
Pangborn is like 'uh...hey, dude. What do you need?' Mordo says 
he's had a "revelation". "The true purpose of a sorcerer is to 
twist things out of their proper shape. Stealing power. 
Perverting nature. Like you." Pangborn can already sense where 
this is headed and reaches for a tire iron on the table. He 
turns to face Mordo and argues that he hasn't STOLEN anything. 
This is his POWER. Mordo doesn't think so because "power" has 
to have a "purpose". 

Pangborn lunges at him and he jabs him in the midsection. Light 
surrounds his hand and Pangborn drops the iron as his hand goes 
back to its crippled state. He falls over, now paralyzed. "Why 
are you doing this," he whimpers. "Because I see at long last 
what's wrong with the world," Mordo purrs. "Too many 
sorcerers."
   Chrissy: Wait. Remember back a couple recaps ago when 
    you were confused that Mordo was listed as a villain in 
    the MPQ game?
   Diandra: Uh...no?
   Chrissy: You do realize we can verify that really 
    easily, right?
   Diandra: [sigh] Okay, fine. I forgot another thing.
   Emilio: Is he really a villain though? I feel like in 
    principle he isn't but because of the comparison to 
    Strange and the way he goes about policing other 
    sorcerers he looks like one.
   Diandra: Sort of like how Loki isn't EXACTLY a villain 
    and Magneto and Iron Man could be on the side of a 
    mutant registry without necessarily being labeled 
    villains?
   Emilio: Something like that, sure. I see him as a 
    Catwoman type character.
   Chrissy: Oh, god, you're mixing fandoms too now.
   Diandra: We're fans. We're allowed to make pastiche out 
    of creators' rigid universes.
   Chrissy: Speaking of fan stuff...how's that fic coming?
   Diandra: Which movie is next in the MCU?
   Chrissy: You're avoiding the question.
   Emilio: Ah...GoTG2. 
   Diandra: Oof. Wanna join us for that one?
   Emilio: Sure!
   Chrissy: You're seriously completely ignoring me.
   Diandra: Sorry, what was the question?
   Chrissy: How's that fic-
   Diandra: [interrupting] So what are your options for Tom 
    Hiddleston movies so I can write that Twitter poll?

Two days later.

So, it turns out I have more followers than I thought. And the 
winner (with all entries getting at least one vote) is "Only 
Lovers Left Alive", so...emo Loki and The Ancient One/White 
Witch it is. See you again in either that recap or GoTG2, 
whichever one we can coordinate and finish first.