WandaVision part 1

"WandaVision" Episodes 1, 2 and 3

Starring: Elizabeth Olson, Paul Bettany, Kathryn Hahn, Teyonah Parris, Fred Melamed, Debra Jo Rupp, Asif Ali, David Lengel, Emma Caulfield, Jolene Purdy, David Payton, Randy Oglesby, Rose Bianco, Ithamar Enriquez, Victoria Blade

Welcome to what will no doubt prove to be the beginning of my descent into madness.

Chrissy: Oh, honey. You've been on that path for a LONG time.
Diandra: Ha. You're funny. She says in a tone that is completely sarcastic which doesn't come across in print.

I didn't really plan to do any recaps beyond "Endgame", a natural stopping point in the MCU. But...well...this show is pretty great and will be important for future movies and shows, so...here we are.

As I said in my brief summary of "Falcon and the Winter Soldier", that show was SUPPOSED to be the entry point into all the Marvel series scheduled to be released on Disney+. If production hadn't been hit by COVID harder than any of the other series, it would have served to segue viewers from the movies to a TV show, forcing them to relearn the concept of watching a story unfold in one episode per week increments which recent years of "on demand" services seem to have lowered some people's patience for. And then maybe we wouldn't have had to put up with all the complaining from Marvel fanboys who insisted this show was terrible because they only watched the first two (or maybe even one) 20 minute episodes (which were actually released the same day) and didn't have the patience to keep watching and waiting for the explanation behind the weirdness that was OBVIOUSLY coming.

Chrissy: I feel like being veterans of shows like "Lost" really helped develop patience with shows that take their time with worldbuilding and mystery solving.
Diandra: That. Yes. Not every show has to be a procedural that contains an entire completed plot within its time confines (aside from the occasional multiple episode arcs).

Anyway. I'm sure this will be a recurring theme in these recaps, so let's get on with it, shall we?

Almost every episode of this show is structured like an episode of a beloved American sitcom, or a combination of two or more per decade, starting with the 50s. So we start with...

Episode 1: "Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience" (or: Dick Van Dyke Loves Lucy)

We start with the usual Marvel title card and fanfare, but by the end, it has turned black and white and lost the depth of sound. The screen goes black, then comes back on with an old tube TV effect, full screen. Because the picture format is one of the ways this show really makes every episode look and feel as if it was made in the era it represents.

Chrissy: Another is the laugh track, which probably contributed to people's hatred of the show.
Diandra: Yeah, I grew up watching shows that had laugh tracks including one of the best comedies of all time (MASH) which bridged the gap, starting with one and ending without, so it generally doesn't bother me.
Chrissy: How old ARE you?
Diandra: It was in reruns. We didn't have on-demand or even DVD sets so people could watch whatever show they wanted to whenever. You watched cable networks or local channels that ran classics on a loop. Which is why one of my favorite programs I watched as a kid was Gilligan's Island.

ANYWAY.

We begin with the credit sequence, which has the hokey "exposition delivered through perky song lyrics" of some of the earliest shows on TV. Wanda and Vision are a "regular" couple who just got married and moved to the suburbs. The house actually has a white picket fence around it. Vision tries to carry her across the threshold, but forgets that she can't go right through doors and ends up leaving her on the steps via the sort of special effects available in the 50s. This is another way the show reinforces the feel of the era each episode takes place in. Vision retrieves Wanda and carries her in, phasing through a familiar chair instead of tripping over it as Dick Van Dyke did in the opening credits of the show they are largely mimicking.

Once the credit sequence is over, we are in the kitchen with Wanda dressed as a 50s housewife. She is magically drying dishes and putting them away, everything floating because it's totally just being maneuvered by a guy off camera holding a stick with fishing wire. Vision enters the room, reading the newspaper, and one of the dishes flings right into his head, shattering. He makes a crack about his wife's "flying saucers" and she jokes back about his "indestructible head", which, yes, if you are paying attention is a retroactive clue because we know from the way Thanos ripped the stone out of his forehead that his head is, in fact, very destructible.

The footage of a plate shattering runs in reverse as she "magically" reconstructs it and puts it on the shelf while she asks what he would say to a ridiculously large "All American" breakfast. He says he would say "oh, I don't eat food." She opens the bare fridge for the audience to see and says that explains THAT. So she doesn't eat either?

Chrissy: She can conjure her own food.
Diandra: I guess.

He points out the calendar on the wall and asks if there's something special about today because somebody has drawn a heart above the date. She looks alarmed like 'fuck, I forgot an anniversary or a birthday and I DON'T KNOW WHICH IT IS.' She bluffs that surely HE hasn't forgotten the significance, right? He says he is incapable of forgetting. Or exaggerating. Because, you know, he's a machine. She asks what's so important about the date then and he looks confused and asks her to repeat the question. He suggests SHE forgot it. She says no, she's been looking forward to it. Whatever it is. They try to push each other into saying it like "yes, because we are celebrating..." "the first time we..." "it's a special day" "perhaps an evening" "significant to us both". Yeah, they clearly both have no clue. But they're being cute in their efforts to weasel out of admitting it.

He announces that he's going to work. She reminds him to do something about his face. He does a goofy little head shake and the Vision makeup disappears from Paul Bettany's face. He blows her a kiss and leaves. She stands in front of the calendar and looks puzzled. There's a knock at the front door and she practically skips through the living room to answer it because she is a 50s housewife and lah-di-dah. It's Kathryn Hahn, holding a potted plant. She has the same haircut and a similar knee-length dress with low heels. She cheerfully introduces herself as Agnes, "your neighbor to the right. My right, not yours." The plant is a housewarming present, which she says she would have brought by sooner, but "my mother-in-law was in town. So I wasn't." Ha. Mother-in-law hate. So relatable, right?

Wanda introduces herself as Agnes just barges right into the house. Agnes notes that they settled in awfully fast and asks if they used a moving company. Wanda is like 'uh...yes...because boxes full of stuff don't just magically move from one location to another and unpack all by themselves, right? Haha! Who would even think that?' And I've been using "they" because I didn't realize Agnes was using "you" in a singular sense there, which is made apparent when she asks why a single woman would move into a big suburban house like this. She assumes she's single because she doesn't have a ring. Wanda looks at her hand like 'oh...I knew I forgot something.' She assures Agnes that she is definitely married and her husband is definitely human. Which isn't weird at ALL. She says he'll be back later to celebrate a "special occasion" ALONE WITHOUT ANY NOSY NEIGHBORS. Agnes, not taking the hint yet, asks if it's somebody's birthday. Wanda says uh...no. Agnes notes that it isn't a holiday either, so...anniversary? Wanda is like 'yeah, I guess it must be.' Agnes asks how many years it is. Wanda deflects that it feels like forever.

Chrissy: Well, we just got married, but we've been together for oh crap that wasn't a thing that anybody did in the 50s.
Diandra: Well, they did, but they didn't talk about it.

Agnes babbles about how lucky she is to have such a wonderful husband and asks what she's planning on doing because she just read this article in the period equivalent of Cosmo...actually, she can just go back home and grab it and show Wanda.

Wipe to Computational Services Inc. Vision and a few other office drones are sitting at desks tapping away on calculators. One guy is playing the song "Yakety Yak" on a radio despite the fact that I'm pretty sure it has never not been annoying. Everyone except Vision has a massive pile of folders in their in-tray. He is working so fast his hands are a blur. He rips a receipt and announces that he has the computational forms for "Norm", transferring the massive pile of folders on his desk to the desk of the guy with terrible taste in music. Norm exclaims that Vision works fast, then notices Vision is looking around uncomfortably. He asks if he can help him with something. Vision says yes, actually, uh..."would you be so good as to tell me what it is we do here?" Norm has no idea what the company does, but their productivity has massively increased since Vision came on board. He seems perfectly content just processing computational forms and not asking questions about what they are for. He gushes again that Vision does the job so well, he may as well be a walking computer. Vision is like 'haha, no, I am totally an organic life form just like you carbon based humans shut up.'

Norm is like 'seriously, what's wrong?' Vision admits he's "on edge" because his wife believes there is something special about today and he has NO IDEA what it is. The boss comes out just then and they both scramble to pretend they are working. He tells Vision he and the wife are looking forward to tonight and Vision realizes the heart must be a belabored code for "Mr. Hart and his wife are coming over for dinner". Hart reminds Vision that employee dinners are a "rite of passage" for new hires and no pressure but that guy packing his stuff over there did a piss poor job of it. Hart and the former employee have a little back and forth to establish that Hart wasn't impressed with the five course meal, the string quartet or the employee's "beatnik enthusiasm" which just means that he wore a turtleneck. Hart goes back to his office while Vision squirms.

Back at the house, Agnes has come to the part of the "how to" article that describes seduction techniques. They suggest women to be klutzy and trip when they enter a room, forcing the man to catch them. This will probably be important later. The phone rings and Wanda picks it up. It's Vision, frantic about the dinner and they do that thing where they're having parallel conversations and misunderstanding just about everything the other is saying. She says she has everything under control. He really hopes so because he's afraid it will all be over if the night doesn't go well. She thinks that's a bit dramatic. He tells her the most important thing is probably to impress the [boss'] wife. She winks at Agnes as she says she'll focus on impressing "the husband".

And now we get a commercial. For every themed episode, there is one commercial full of easter eggs that is also made in the style of the era. This one features a man speaking directly to the audience as if he assumes he is talking to a housewife trying to please her husband and dismayed at her inability to make toast without burning it. His assistant models the ToastMate 2000 by Stark Industries while he claims it can cook meatloaf, open face sandwiches and cherry pie as well as make your plain old boring toast. The toaster beeps like it's a bomb threatening to go off before it pops the unburned toast and we go to the end card that probably looks exactly like the newspaper or magazine ad with a picture and the slogan "Forget the past, this is your future!"

Chrissy: Specifically, the housewife they are talking to is Wanda.
Diandra: Yeah, that will become increasingly obvious, I'm sure.

So that night, Vision arrives home with Mr. and Mrs. Hart. She is played by Debra Jo Rupp, aka the mom from "That 70s Show". Apparently her presence here led to a lot of confusion and anger in a portion of the Marvel fandom that was convinced it had more significance. More on that later, I'm sure. They both note the odd atmosphere with the lowered lighting and jazzy music playing softly. Vision goes to the kitchen to try to find Wanda, who sneaks up behind Mr. Hart thinking he's Vision because we're supposed to think it's actually darker than it looks. Vision returns, turning on the light to find her playing "guess who" with the boss in a negligee and gauzy robe (which had a lot more coverage in the 50s). She jumps and tries to cover her cleavage. Vision tries to bullshit that this is how Sokovians greet houseguests. And also how they dress. Mrs. Hart thinks Wanda's European heritage is "exotic" which haha yeah, that was about as exotic as audiences could handle back then. As further reinforced by Mr. Hart grumbling about Bolsheviks.

Chrissy: COMMIE!
Diandra: Yeah, that.

Wanda frantically pulls Vision into the kitchen to ask what the HELL is going on here and they untangle their miscommunication after he is briefly distracted staring at her nightie. She asks why the HELL they needed to use an abbreviation of a heart on the calendar to note "the boss is coming for dinner" when "you move at the speed of sound and I can make a pen float through the air". Moving on to the next problem: as was mentioned earlier, there is not a whole lot of food in the house. Fortunately, she is a magical being, so...she snaps her fingers and is instantly back in the dress she was wearing earlier.

Vision goes back out to entertain...or distract the guests and Wanda apparently calls Agnes, who bustles in with arms loaded saying "what kind of housewife would I be if I didn't have a gourmet meal for four just lying about the place?" She drops a pot and Mrs. Hart takes the opportunity to offer to help in the kitchen. Wanda shoos Agnes from the kitchen as she babbles about Lobster Thermadore and Chicken a la King. Then she stands in the middle of the kitchen and waves and every cupboard opens and all the pots and pans fly out. Mrs. Hart hears the unholy racket THAT causes and lurches toward the kitchen again to help. Vision, in a fit of desperate insanity, starts loudly singing Yakety Yak, startling both Harts into looking at him just as she gets the privacy fold into the kitchen open. Wanda - food floating all around her and magically assembling and stirring itself - also stares at him like 'has your motherboard been scrambled?' He shrugs and she stops "cooking" long enough to slap the screen shut again.

Vision picks up a ukulele and offers to have a sing-a-long. Mrs. Hart gamely goes along with this while Mr. Hart glowers at Vision like 'you know you're fired, right?' We cut back and forth between this and Wanda literally spinning plates and frantically trying to locate the recipe for "steak...steak...DIANE!" Vision latches onto this out and claims this is one of Wanda's funny little pet names for him. He rushes to the kitchen, saying he's coming "..........Fred!"

Wanda flings the lobsters out the window as Vision enters the kitchen for...some reason. He asks if he can help. She says she messed up two of the courses, so all they have is the steak now. She hands him a tenderizer, throws her apron at him and goes out to take over guest distraction duties. She does this even worse than Vision did somehow, forcing Mr. Hart to catch her as she dramatically "faints" to keep him from going in the kitchen. There's a knock at the door. Both Wanda and Vision rush to answer it like maybe it's somebody who will rescue them from this ridiculous scenario. It's Agnes with the pineapple she forgot for the cake. She says she tried the back door but nobody answered and waves at Vision. They slam the door in her face and when the Harts ask who that was, simultaneously say "salesman" and "telegram" and then try to salvage that by saying it was a man selling telegrams. Wanda takes the apron back and slinks toward the kitchen and Vision announces that this is going "swimmingly" so far and asks if they want to play Parcheesi. Mrs. Hart says her head is spinning and Vision helps her sit on the couch and put her head between her knees.

Mr. Hart is ranting at Vision about how he doesn't seem to be "management material" while Wanda floats plates full of breakfast food (eggs, sausage, potatoes, toast) into the dining room along with a bottle of wine that starts pouring itself.

Chrissy: Remember when we were doing the Doctor Strange recap and you said something about how you would totally use his abilities to read while sleeping?
Diandra: Not really, but I'm assuming you're bringing this up to say that if you had Wanda's powers you would totally use them to summon bottles of wine.
Chrissy: Wouldn't you?
Diandra: ............probably.

There is a closeup of the wine bottle, by the way, which has a label of Maison du Mepris. The translation of "House of Contempt" is probably not significant, but this is likely an easter egg nod to the comics this series partly draws from: House of M. Mr. Hart is raving about how Vision lives in chaos and can "barely keep it together" and when he stops, Wanda announces that dinner is ready. Mr. Hart frowns at the breakfast food, but Mrs. Hart thinks it's very "European".

Vision picks up his glass of wine and offers a toast and they all follow suit. Where Vision is putting that wine is anyone's guess. He pulls the chair for Mrs. Hart, who decides to start the dinner conversation with a series of questions like where they moved from and why they don't have children yet. Standard small talk from that generation. That last question makes Wanda sort of huff and stare into space. Vision tries to answer, but neither of them can come up with where they moved from or how long they've been married still. Mr. Hart is baffled at their inability to answer such simple questions. He gets increasingly incensed as he demands to know why they came here. And then he starts choking on his bite of food. Mrs. Hart acts like he's being ridiculous and there's a long, uncomfortable minute as everyone clearly has no idea what they're supposed to be doing here because THIS WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT. Mrs. Hart's eyes indicate that she is actually very alarmed and she's looking directly at Wanda now as she continues to say "stop it" like she's telling him to stop being dramatic. Mr. Hart collapses out of his chair. Wanda orders Vision to help him. Vision kneels beside him and phases his hand through his neck to remove the piece of food directly before helping him back up to his chair. Mrs. Hart visibly relaxes with relief, but the stupid smile is still plastered on her face like she has no control over that. Really, Debra Jo is doing a fantastic job of conveying that something is very wrong here.

Mr. Hart looks at his watch and exclaims "would you look at the time" like nothing happened. Mrs. Hart jumps up and announces that they should go. The audience laughs because they are probably being prompted to and it's interesting to think about the possibility that they are basically characters in this too. Laughing on cue to add to the feel that this is a 50s show. Mr. Hart says Vision made him "proud" and they're going to have a little chat on Monday morning about that promotion. Mrs. Hart notes the "charming door knocker" on the way out, which is one of the escaped lobsters clinging to the front door.

With the Harts gone, Wanda and Vision take a moment to recover and marvel at the absurdity of that whole thing. Vision lets his face go back to robot mode. They sit on the couch and Wanda says they really are an unusual couple for more than the obvious reasons. They don't have an anniversary or a song they can claim as "theirs". Or rings. He says they could fix that and declare today their anniversary and their song could be that annoying nonsense he was panic singing earlier, which is quite possibly the worst choice you could make there, but okay. Also, she could make rings, right? They hold their hands out, she points and rings appear via old-timey film magic (pausing the film and restarting). Soft music plays. Vision says "I do." She echoes the sentiment and they look at each other starry-eyed. He adds "and they lived happily ever after." They kiss and smile at the applauding audience as the edges of the screen constrict and they are framed in a little hexagon as the credits scroll.

We pan back to see this is playing on a television surrounded by more modern equipment and computer screens. Hands finish writing in a little notebook on the table and close it before picking up a big clunky remote type thing. The screen changes abruptly to a PLEASE STAND BY message and we go into the actual credits.

Chrissy: This is definitely one of those shows that benefits from a second viewing.
Diandra: Yeah, once you know what is going on, you can appreciate all the little details and clues. Like the fact that the frame around their faces in the 50s credits was a hexagon and the way Debra Jo Rupp was acting like a distressed meat puppet.
Chrissy: But I have to assume that the people who gave up right here and went on tirades online about how awful the show is either had never seen any of the movies leading into this or didn't get the memo and were confused about the whole sitcom history framework.
Diandra: Yeah. I mean...the clues that something is definitely WRONG here are a lot more subtle in this episode, which might be why the first TWO episodes were released at once because it becomes a lot more obvious quickly.

Episode 2: "Don't Touch That Dial" (or: Bewitched with Jeannie)

So we start with the episode this time. Still black and white. Wanda and Vision are laying in separate beds because that was still how couples were shown in TV shows. How women got pregnant is anyone's guess. There's a loud banging noise outside and Wanda sits bolt upright and magics Vision's bedside lamp on. Vision takes off the sleep mask he's wearing and asks if she's using her powers to turn on the light. She says uh...yeah? He climbs from the bed and turns on the lamp physically before peeking out the window. He says he doesn't see anything. She asks if he's sure and if he's using his nightvision setting. He turns and says there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of and a much louder bang makes him end the statement with a yelp and dive back into bed.

He says now that he thinks about it, he remembers a couple guys at work talking about some "unsavory characters" moving into the neighborhood.

Chrissy: That's just code for "black".
Diandra: Or brown.

He suggests these "ne'er do wells" could be vandalizing property or breaking and entering. She's like yeah, or they could be walking right through walls or moving objects with their minds! He scoffs that she thinks the unsavory characters his coworkers were referring to are actually them.

At the next loud bang, their beds slide together. Vision says one of them really should figure out what that noise is. She looks at him pointedly and says "yes, ONE OF US should." There's another bang and he whimpers. She exclaims that this is getting ridiculous and waves the curtain aside to reveal a tree branch scrabbling at the window. "Well, I think we handled that well," she says. He blusters that yeah, he's really proud of them. Go team! She notes that this new bed arrangement is better, isn't it? She waves at the area between the beds and they seam fully together to form one big bed. This is apparently enough to get him revved up because it didn't take much in those days, which is probably the reason for the separate beds thing. He tells her to turn the light back off and they both dive under the covers.

The credit sequence looks exactly like "Bewitched". Little cartoon versions of Wanda and Vision fly through the air and land in front of a sign for Westview ("home: it's where you make it"). Then there's little scenes of him getting ready for work, going through walls and the floor of the house, her shopping by levitating things directly into the cart, him driving past cartoon versions of characters we've already met and a couple we haven't and ending on the couch in a room that is slightly changed from the last episode.

Back to the actual episode, Vision is rehearsing a magic trick in the new 60s version of the living room. On cue (the second time), Wanda (now allowed to wear pants) wheels in a large wardrobe. Vision asks if the other acts in the show have such elaborate props. Wanda says Fred and Linda are building a fully functioning moat and nobody even knows what the hell they're doing with it. Vision continues the practice, announcing that he will make his lovely assistant disappear. She hams it up as she steps into the box and he closes the door. He waves the wand, yells abracadabra and opens the door to show it is empty. She comes around from the secret space in the back, applauding and grinning like an idiot. He asks if she isn't maybe afraid everyone will see through this.

Chrissy: If she does it like that in the actual performance, obviously.

She says that's the point: "in a real magic act, everything is fake." This might be a little fourth wall breaking.

Then she exposits that the "talent show fundraiser" this is going to be for is the most important event of the season and it is their "neighborly duty" to participate. And they can use it to convince people they are normal because "this is our home now. I want us to fit in." He assures her they will be fine and they should really impress them with their act, especially with her wearing this costume. He holds up what looks like a sparkly swimsuit. She jokes that that's actually part of his costume. She says she has to get to a planning committee meeting. He says he has a neighborhood watch meeting at the public library. After last night, he's decided to take an interest in the security of the town.

We wipe screen to...sometime later. She's fluffing a pillow when the lawnmower noise outside stops, replaced by a loud sort of BONG. She steps outside and finds something in the hedges in front of the house. It stands out sharply because it is red and yellow and its surroundings are still black and white. She looks alarmed and goes to pluck it out. It's a toy helicopter. She stares at it like it's a dead bird or something while ominous music plays, glancing briefly back at the bedroom window with the branch outside it.

Agnes appears suddenly and she drops the helicopter, startled. Agnes has brought her pet rabbit, which she apparently offered for them to use in their magic act. She calls him Senor Scratchy, which...I'm just going to wait a while to get into the significance of that name because we're still a ways from understanding why she would have a pet named after the devil. She says he's used to performing because he played Baby Jesus in last year's Christmas pageant.

Chrissy: Back when he was human. Whoops, sorry. Getting ahead of myself.

Wanda goes to put Scratchy's cage in the house while Agnes greets the mailman - Dennis - walking toward them, blatantly checking out his ass as he goes by. Wanda returns and Agnes gets to the other reason she's apparently here: to take Wanda to the meeting. They start walking arm-in-arm and I think Agnes might be leering at Wanda a little suggestively. Agnes asks if she's ready for "Queen Cul-de-Sac and her Merry Homemakers."

Chrissy: That's a terrible name for a band.

Wanda exposits that Dottie can't be THAT bad. Agnes slips in front of Wanda and offers her some advice. Wanda asks if it's about the way she's dressed. Agnes is like 'well, you COULD use help there, but that ship has already sailed, so no.' No, it's that Dottie really does control a LOT in the town. Memberships to clubs, school admissions, parties...basically if Wanda can make nice with her she will have a much easier life in the town. Wanda thinks that will be easy, she can just be herself. Agnes stares at her for a beat and laughs like that was a hilarious joke.

The meeting is held by a pool in Dottie's backyard. Dottie is a platinum blonde who I could probably compare to a character from "Desperate Housewives" if I knew much of anything about any of the characters on that show.

Chrissy: Brie? I think? I watched a couple seasons ages ago. She might be the one who got herself in a college admissions scandal, actually. I don't remember the character's name.

An overweight woman is talking about the Rotary club and decorations that came from her store. Dottie asks about the chairs. The woman apologizes that she didn't ask anything about those. Dottie snots that "Bev" better not be asking about heading any more committees then and the mean girls giggle while Wanda and Agnes just stare uncomfortably. Dottie says the devil is in the details. "That's not the only place he is," Agnes mutters. I SAID WE WOULD GET TO THAT, AGNES. COOL IT.

Dottie stands in front of the group and exposits about the talent show being a fundraiser for their elementary school while Agnes offers to spike Bev's drink with a bottle from her purse. Because it makes dealing with Dottie easier, presumably. The black lady we haven't seen before (but who was in the credits) hands Wanda a tray of appetizers and gushes about how nice her pants are. Dottie chastises them for TALKING WHILE SHE'S TALKING FOCUS HERE. She keeps rambling and when she thinks it's safe again, the black lady whispers that she doesn't know what she's doing here. Wanda says she totally understands and feels the same. She introduces herself. The lady hesitantly says her name is Geraldine. Dottie yells at them again and Agnes mutters about how anyone can stand being sober here and sips at her drink.

Chrissy: Knowing where this is going makes the fact that I find her so relatable alarming.

Diandra: Yes because that's only alarming if you know how the show ends. Right.

Meanwhile, at the Westview Public Library...Vision finds the neighborhood watch meeting in a room with an enormous card catalog and I wonder where the props department found THAT. Norm, the guy who was sitting next to him at work in the last episode, nervously points out that this is a members only meeting and they weren't really expecting him. Vision just says he'll stand by quietly until they "open up the floor for new business." The big black guy at the head of the table says they were just getting to new business, actually... Vision pulls up a chair like 'oh, good, I'm just in time!' "How often do you rotate security patrols? Do you interface directly with local law enforcement? What are your protocols for threats such as burglary, graffiti and reckless driving?" Norm apologetically says "new business" is just code for "another round of Danish" for them. The guy who was fired from the computational whatever cube farm - Phil - holds up a box of pastries. Vision says oh, no. "I don't eat food." There's a long beat where everyone looks at him funny as he processes what he just said. He lamely corrects that he means he doesn't eat between meals.

The guy who must be the head of the group (I'm just going to look up his name on IMDb. It's Herb) says he has some "intelligence" actually. That treehouse that Johnson guy said he built for his kids? Yeah, it's prefabricated. Nobody else is really surprised, apparently, because Johnson is not known to be handy enough to build anything. Norm has another one: the bowling trophies Arthur is always polishing were bought at a yard sale, not won. Vision thinks and decides he also has something he can share. "Norm here's a Communist!"

Chrissy: [groan]

They all laugh and note his wacky sense of humor.

Chrissy: Yeah, ha! So funny to joke about that whole Blacklisting thing.

Herb gives him a stick of gum, which he takes even though Norm reminds them about the no food thing. Vision says it's okay because "it's purely for mastication." Herb stutters that he...uh...doesn't do THAT because of course nobody knows what that word means and is just assuming they're talking about the other word that sounds kind of like that.

Chrissy: And you're a filthy liar, Herb. Admit it.

They talk about how Vision is not as uptight as he looked when he first came in here and Herb reaches over to give him a friendly slap on the back. The piece of gum goes right down Vision's throat and we get a little cartoon diagram of an anthropomorphic wad getting caught in some gears where his stomach would be if he were human to facilitate our understanding of why this is going to be a problem.

Back at the girl's meeting, Wanda is helping clean up. The camera focuses on a radio playing in the background briefly. Wanda is still desperately trying to kiss Dottie's ass, gushing about how good she is at this and Wanda is HONORED to have been chosen to help clean up. She drops the fake smile and makes childish faces when her back is to Dottie. Then she takes a deep breath and tells Dottie that she feels like they got off on the wrong foot and she'd like to fix it. Dottie sort of skitters sideways into a sort of accusation about how she has "heard things" about Wanda and her husband. Wanda assures her they "don't mean anyone any harm". Dottie says "I don't believe you." The music has started to get a bit eerie. At this, the radio starts fuzzing and crackling and a man's voice calls "Wanda, can you read me, over" through the music. Dottie is starting to look alarmed. She asks who that is and who WANDA is for that matter. The voice becomes clearer, asking "who is doing this to you, Wanda?" And then the radio shorts out with a loud pop and Dottie clutches her glass so hard it shatters in her hand.

Wanda rushes to get a towel for Dottie's hand, which is bleeding and the blood is showing up red despite the black and white again. Dottie possibly gets back on track and quizzes Wanda about how a housewife can get bloodstains out of white linen.

Chrissy: I think Jerry Seinfeld said it best when he noted that if you have bloodstains, you probably have bigger issues to take care of before you worry about stained laundry. Like, maybe, take care of the body first.
Diandra: Yeah, that's how someone who isn't clumsy thinks. Or a man who hasn't had the experience of waking up to find blood on the sheets because his period started unexpectedly during the night.

Anyway, Dottie's answer is that she does it "by doing it herself" and she stalks away from Wanda.

Time for the easter egg commercial. The same spokesman from the 50s one is standing in front of a full-length mirror, adjusting the tie on his suit. The announcer says that a man is never fully dressed until he has two important accessories. The woman "assistant" comes up behind him in a full ballgown with elbow length gloves to help. Of course, the "special lady" is one of the "accessories".

Chrissy: Ha, the 60s.

The other is a "Strucker" watch, which the spokesman flashes at the camera. We go to the product-sitting-alone-screen ads always used to end on with the slogan "Strucker: He'll make time for you." Strucker is, of course, the man who experimented on Wanda and Pietro, using the stone in Loki's scepter to give them powers. At least we were pretty sure that's what was going on at the time, but this show is about to retcon the source of her powers, so who knows. It's creepy anyway. Also, there's a Hydra logo at the bottom of the watch face and it is ticking way too fast, the screen going black before the ticking can prove to be an exploding bomb or something. Sensing a theme yet? And apparently these two people are referred to as "commercial man" and "commercial woman" in the credits so I will be referring to them that way from now on.

We return to the talent show already in progress. Geraldine is watching through the curtains from "backstage" and giggles that she's glad she doesn't have to follow the guy on stage. Wanda, in that skimpy swimsuit costume, asks why worriedly. Geraldine is like 'nothing! Never mind! You'll be fine!'

Wanda is fretting because Vision hasn't shown up yet and she doesn't know where he is. He staggers up just then, looking like he's three sheets to the wind. As a reminder, we get a little cartoon flash of the gum completely stopping the gears from turning. Wanda asks where he's been. He slurs that he was playing a game of "horses with shoes" with "the boys". Wanda doesn't have time for...whatever fresh hell this is. She says something weird happened earlier with Dottie. Vision is not paying attention and Geraldine announces that they're up, so...hold that thought.

Dottie is onstage, reminding everyone that this is "for the children" even though we haven't seen any children yet. Hold that thought too. She introduces Wanda and Vision as the final act. Wanda prances out and gestures toward where Vision should follow. But he's backstage still clumsily trying to tuck in his shirt. Geraldine waves him out frantically and he charges on stage shouting "HELLO WESTVIEW!" He bumps into the railing and apologizes to it. He introduces them as Glamour and Illusion, drunkenly getting the names backwards. Wanda corrects him and he's like 'yeah, that sounds better.' "Today, we will lie to you and yet you will totally believe our little deceptions because human beings are easily fooled due to their limited understanding of the inner workings of the universe."

Chrissy: He would either make a great politician or a terrible one and I'm not sure which it is.
Diandra: We'll leave that to Loki. In fact, I'm pretty sure the "Vote Loki" series had a line very similar to that.

Wanda mutters from the corner of her mouth that he's not supposed to say that stuff out LOUD. He brushes her aside and continues that they will delight in everybody's "dumbstruck little faces". And then he starts levitating. Everyone gasps and Wanda waves so a rope and pulley system appears like it's holding him up, moving a sign that was "hiding" the crank. She starts cranking the rope and Vision yelps at her to let him down because he's feeling "pukey". She does and everyone laughs and applauds. He decides the next trick is lifting the piano on stage with one hand. Wanda rushes over to "help" and turns the piano into a flat prop with handles on the back and "accidentally" revealing that as she carries it away, loudly declaring they weren't supposed to see that. Everyone laughs and applauds except Phil, who says that piano was his grandmothers.

Vision decides he needs a volunteer from the audience. He picks "Sherbert". Herb stands slowly, warily, and notes that his name doesn't have an S in it, but okay. Vision fans out a deck of cards and asks "Sherbie" to take one. Herb does and Vision holds the deck behind his back so he can put it back without him seeing. He does a halfass shuffle, holds up the King of diamonds and cockily asks if that's it. Herb says um...no? Vision is like 'it isn't? Are you sure? Okay, one down and fifty one to go...' He flicks through the entire deck at high speed until he's left with the King of spades, which Herb identifies as his card. Vision grumbles that he can have it back then like 'oh, it's YOUR card, is it? Well, I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE ANYWAY.' Herb is like 'wait...was that how the trick was supposed to go?' Everyone just laughs and applauds again.

Senior Scratchy runs across the stage and Vision yelps that he needs to pull a hat out of him. Wanda suggests they leave the poor rabbit out of this and herds it backstage. Vision says fine, he can pull the hat out of himself then. Wanda tries to stop him, but he's already passing the hat through his own torso. Wanda strains to think of a way to explain that and comes up with putting some mirrors up behind the curtain like that explains anything. Bev asks out loud if that's how mirrors work. No, Bev. No, it is not.

Finally coming to the disappearing assistant thing they were practicing earlier. Wanda wheels out the wardrobe and Vision theatrically announces he's going to make her disappear. Agnes loudly offers to substitute her husband Ralph for Wanda. Vision laughs loopily, says no, yells "abracadabra" and whaps the cabinet. Which is empty because Wanda is standing outside it. She waves at him like 'forget something?' Side note: Paul Bettany has a great sense of comedic timing. Herb starts a chant of "what's in the box?" which sounds a lot less ominous than the most famous iteration of that line. Wanda does a little wave and they open the box together to reveal a very surprised Geraldine. Vision is like 'yes! This was totally the trick!' and they all take a bow.

Vision staggers backstage, Wanda trailing, and moans apologies. She says it's okay, but what the HELL is going on with him right now? He has no idea. She waves her hand along his torso and stops when a weird noise emanates from his stomach. The cartoon wad of gum snaps off the gears and goes right up to his mouth. Vision spits it out and giggles that it was "gumming" up the works. Then he realizes he's no longer funny, shrugs and tosses it over his shoulder. Wanda says whatever, he's back to normal. She suggests they leave before Dottie and the planning committee throw a fit about them ruining the show.

They try to sneak past, but Dottie, standing at the mic, stops them. She starts raving about how nobody in the history of their little talent show has ever done anything like that. Wanda starts to apologize and Dottie cuts her off to declare it "hilarious". She invites them back onto the stage to award them with the first ever "Comedy Performance of the Year" trophy. Everyone gives them a standing ovation and Wanda insists Geraldine come stand next to her as they take another bow. Geraldine mutters that she has to ask how she ended up in that cupboard suddenly when she was standing backstage only a second before. Vision says a magician never reveals his secrets.

Chrissy: Though some asshole will probably make a career out of revealing everyone else's secrets one day.
Diandra: I forgot about that.

Back home, they talk about how Wanda was worried over nothing because they managed to "fit in" just by being themselves. Mostly, Wanda corrects, looking at the robot version of his head that has returned again. She announces that she's going to go get some popcorn and Vision stops her to point out that her stomach has suddenly ballooned in the last two seconds. Because this is usually how pregnancy was handled on television right up until...uh...let me get back to you on that. She's like 'oh...I guess we're doing the pregnancy story now!' He goes to kiss her and there's a loud bang outside. He yells that he's going to rip that tree up by the roots and storms out the front door, apparently remembering to change his face on the way. She trails after him as they look for the source of the noise. There's nothing, but a manhole cover in the middle of the street starts moving. They stare as a guy in a beekeeper's outfit climbs out of the sewer to ominous music, bees buzzing around his head. He looks at her and she whispers "no". The film rewinds and suddenly they're back in the house before he tried to kiss her. He succeeds this time and the audience coos "awwwwww".

Chrissy: You were right, they are just another character.
Diandra: I mean...either they are part of it or they aren't really there and that part is just in her head.

The red on Vision's face shows through suddenly. Wanda gasps at it and a wave of technicolor rolls over the whole set, washing away the black and white to represent the fact that this era of television straddled that line. By the end of it, color film was no longer more prohibitively expensive than black and white. They kiss again and the screen constricts to a hexagon and the words "the end" scroll over their faces. The voice starts calling Wanda's name again, asking "who is doing this to you?" and we smash to the "please stand by" screen and credits.

Chrissy: And now it's REALLY obvious that something is going on here and they didn't just decide to do an ode to classic television shows for shits and giggles.
Diandra: Yeah. They might have overestimated the patience of the fanboys though. Or anyone under the age of thirty who thinks anything old is garbage. But now that we're really getting somewhere, let's move right along to...

Episode 3: "Now in Color" (or: The Partridge Bunch)

We start with the psychedelic 70s credit sequence. When Vision looks human he apparently has Robert Redford's haircut in Three Days of the Condor now because Paul Bettany insisted it should be this way. Wanda's hair is long and straight now and their house looks like the set of The Brady Bunch. Half of the credit scenes looks Mary Tyler Moore vague and the other half is Vision preparing for their coming spawn by reading a book on pregnancy and building a play set in the back yard. There's a lot of hexagons and pretty much every character we've met so far has a brief appearance.

The episode starts with a shot of the outside of the house, which is now painted a hideous yellow and has a brown wood fence with horizontal slats replacing the white picket one. Inside, a doctor on a house call is holding a stethoscope to Wanda's enormous abdomen and frowning. "Yep," he finally declares. "Definitely pregnant." Vision says yeah, but it happened so SUDDENLY. "Practically overnight." Wanda grips his leg and he stutters that what he means is...um..."how did this happen?" The doctor is like 'you poor dears. We really need to teach the birds and the bees in school.'

He guesses that she's about four months along. Wanda is like 'yeah, sure, whatever you say.' He says some patronizing bullshit about the "little ladies" keeping tabs on the growth of the baby using fruit because that "makes it simple for them." So right now it's the size of a pear and then it goes papaya, grapefruit, pineapple, honeydew. Vision asks what size it would be at twelve hours. The doctor is confused and Wanda interrupts that this line of questioning is "fruitless" and starts showing the doctor to the door. Vision isn't deterred. He asks if they have any reason to be concerned.

Chrissy: Well, you're a robot and she's a witch, so...I'm sure it's FINE.

The doctor brushes it off as new father nerves. Wanda suggests Vision see the doctor out and Vision obeys, blathering that he's glad "Dr. Nielsen" was able to stop by. Dr. Neilsen says they just caught him in time because he's going on vacation with his wife this afternoon.

Vision waves at Herb, who is attacking the hedges next door with a trimmer. Then he stage whispers to Dr. Neilsen that he'd appreciate if they kept the whole pregnancy thing hush hush because it's all happening so fast. They're not ready to tell anyone yet. Dr. Neilsen agrees and doesn't point out how difficult that's going to be given that she already looks like she's hiding a partially inflated beach ball under her dress. Vision turns back to Herb after Neilsen leaves to find him inexplicably attacking the retaining wall with the hedge trimmer. Vision calls his attention to this and he blankly says 'oh yeah,' thanks and just keeps attacking the wall like a broken video game character whose player has lost control of him. Vision is like 'oooooookay, buddy. Um...I'm just going to go back in the house here and leave you to...that...'

Back inside, he starts to tell Wanda that something is weird with the neighbor but she turns around mid-sentence and he exclaims that she's blown right past, like, two sizes of fruit in the past minute or so. She knocks a papaya off the table with her bump accidentally and Vision rushes at inhuman speed to catch it before it hits the floor. She says she can't tell from this angle if she's getting bigger. Vision, apparently practicing stupid dad jokes before they were recognized as such, giggles through a joke about becoming a "proud papa-ya".

We transition to Wanda magic-ing a crib together, painting a mural of a stork on the wall and hanging a mobile of butterflies while Vision sits in a rocking chair reading about the nesting instinct. She burbles that he's "becoming an expert" on this stuff and will have nothing to worry about. He mutters yeah, nothing but morning sickness and mood swings and back aches and...he vaults out of the chair and says she should sit. She says all she feels so far is excitement. She gasps as she feels a kick. He rushes to touch it as she describes the feeling as strange and "fluttery". The butterflies come to life and fly right off the mobile and she wonders if she did that without meaning to. She opens the window to shoo the butterflies out as he looks up in his book when the first kick is supposed to be felt. The answer is six months. He's still worried about the speed with which this is happening, but he baby talks directly to her abdomen that he can't wait to meet little Billy. Wanda is surprised by this name. She was thinking of naming him Tommy. "Nice, classic, all-American name."

Chrissy: And Billy is...what? European?

Vision argues in favor of Billy because...Shakespeare.

Diandra: So, yeah.

Wanda shrugs and says all of this debate won't matter if they're having a girl anyway. He says they'll need to decide soon because based on his new calculations assuming a constant rate of progression... he mutters a bunch of mathematical jargon and she jokes that "he's gonna be here before you figure it out." I mean...that is actually a possibility. But he comes up with Friday afternoon, which is three days away.

We switch to sometime later with Vision practicing putting a diaper on a baby doll. He thinks he's doing great in the preparation department despite the fact that he just put the diaper on OVER her clothes at warp speed. She winces and squeaks and asks if any of his books mention this weird sensation that isn't really pain, but... He asks if it's a tightening and dives for one of the books to locate the entry on Braxton-Hicks, which he reads starts in the third trimester. He says it gives them a chance to work on breathing exercises and coaches her through that 'hehehooooo' panting thing. She frowns at him and says it's not working because she can still feel it. Then she groans and the lights flicker and the sink starts overflowing. She yelps and he exclaims and the blender turns itself on and the fridge (which is, of course, a hideous green) starts spitting ice onto the floor. He yells that they need to get out of the kitchen and pulls her past an overflowing washer (also green). The light in the dining room grows surgical-theater bright before popping out and everything quiets. Vision says he's going to go check on the neighbors.

We check in briefly with one of the neighbor couples: Phil and Dottie. Dottie appears in a doorway to ask if the earrings she's wearing make her look fat. Phil looks up from his paper just as the lights go out and he mutters "oh, thank god."

Back at the WandaVision residence, Vision announces that the power went out in the whole block. She notes that if that's what she can cause when she has a fake contraction, the real ones might be doozies. "Do you think they know it's my fault?"

Chrissy: Yes.

She adds that with all these "close calls" lately, the town's residents have to be close to figuring out their little secret. He gets a serious expression suddenly and says it's more than that, isn't it? "Mr. and Mrs. Hart, dinner. Outside with Herb. I think something's wrong here, Wanda." The whole frame sort of tilts suddenly and we snap back to before he said any of that. This time he starts rambling about anxiety and uncharted waters and they discuss the fact that they don't know what to expect from this baby human/synthezoid. She gasps and announces that this is a real contraction this time. He shouts in alarm and starts levitating while he yips about the time between "benchmarks" in her pregnancy being totally random. She starts breathing rhythmically and he copies her, calming and coming back down to the ground.

And then there's a crack of thunder and it starts raining inside the house. She says she thinks her water just broke.

Chrissy: Oh, so this is like in "Inception" where the surroundings are going to mirror whatever is happening with your body. Cool.
Diandra: I really don't want to know what's going to happen when she loses her mucus plug.

Commercial time. Commercial woman is sitting at a table eating breakfast while some kids play soccer inside the house. The ball crashes into the table and upends the bowl in her face and the frame freezes and condenses to a corner of the screen. A dog lifts his leg on a wall and she yelps in horror. Freeze, repeat. She takes a blackened bird out of the oven that her daughter apologizes for like she was trying to cook it or something. Freeze, repeat. She tries to run a blender and the lid comes up and sprays the contents. Freeze, repeat. She steps in front of the screen showing these four frozen images and the announcer asks if she needs a break. She looks at the camera, flustered, and nods. She closes her eyes and when she opens them she is at some sort of spa on a beach, in a bathtub with bubbles up to her neck and a guy fanning her with a palm frond. The announcer says you can have an escape "when you want to get away, but you don't want to go anywhere." And even though this decade was fully in the rear view mirror by the time I was born, I recognize this as a play on "Calgon, take me away!"

Chrissy: There's something to be said for pop culture references that don't require you to have been there for them originally.
Diandra: Also probably the fact that my favorite genre was comedy so I saw a lot of parodies and kind of learned stuff that way. We talked in the "Deadpool 2" recap about the fact that my knowledge of the "win one for the Gipper" speech stems mostly from the Leslie Neilsen parody version in "Airplane". The first time I saw "Star Wars" I kept giggling because all I could think was "I see your Schwartz is as big as mine" every damn time somebody pulled a lightsaber.

Anyway. The product is Hydrasoak, a luxury bath powder with the slogan "find the goddess within."

Back to the show, Wanda and Vision are now cowering under the dining room table while it pours rain. Vision says he was just reading about the advantages of a water birth. Not that this is remotely the same thing. The rain stops suddenly and Wanda sighs in relief. Vision helps her out from under the table. She notes the mess that is the living room now and conjures a gust of air through the sliding glass doors to dry everything off. She's still having contractions though and tells Vision to call the doctor. He scrambles to do that, but the phone lines are down. He remembers that the doctor might have already left for vacation anyway. She yelps that he just LEFT like that. Vision notes that the baby is "about nine months early" so he could hardly have expected he would be needed. He says he'll just have to "leg it" and runs out the door at warp.

She starts panting through contractions when there's a bird sound from the nursery. Before she can check that out, the doorbell rings. She yelps and frantically grabs a big coat from the closet to hide her pregnant bulge. It's Geraldine, who is wearing a bell bottom outfit with a bizarre fish pattern on the pants and whose hair is now an afro. She notes that the coat is kind of weird since it's 75 degrees outside. Wanda says now isn't really a good time... Geraldine isn't paying attention and says she needs to borrow a bucket because all the pipes in her ceiling just burst at once. Wanda says VERY LOUDLY that Geraldine should STAY THERE while she checks the kitchen for one. She yells that it's probably under the sink and that last word turns into a contraction scream and the blue coat turns to a yellow rain slicker. Geraldine asks if she's okay in there. Wanda says yes, then stifles another yell and the slicker turns to a brown fur coat. She is momentarily distracted as she strokes the fur.

Geraldine says she's going to help and Wanda runs around the kitchen island, tossing the coat aside and grabs a bowl of fruit to hide behind as Geraldine goes right to the closet the bucket is in and pulls it out. Geraldine is like 'oh, cool, you're offering fruit! I'll just take a piece and not even notice what's behind it!' Yeah, the entire arc of her pregnancy is making fun of the way pregnancies are usually treated on television. My favorite actual instance of this - and this is going to date me, probably - is how the show "Cybil" treated Christine Baranski's pregnancy. They made it a sort of in-joke where they hid it very badly on purpose. For example, at one point someone asked her character why she was carrying a potted plant around for no reason and she looked down at the thing held in front of her obviously bulging abdomen in confusion, shrugged and said she didn't remember. What I'm saying is...some of the jokes and references in this show are specific to the decade the episode represents. Some are timeless.

Geraldine starts leaving, then gets sidelined when she remembers something she wanted to ask Wanda. She sits on the couch and starts rambling about the boss at her temp job, but Wanda is focused on the stork that has ambled out of the nursery and wandered into the living room, having obviously been brought to life from the painting at some point in this chaos. Geraldine mutters that she probably shouldn't be taking up Wanda's time like this and starts to get up. Wanda yelps at her to keep right on talking. Anything but turning around and seeing the giant bird she conjured accidentally. So Geraldine keeps talking about her boss at the ad agency and a slogan for breakfast cereal while Wanda's eyes follow the bird around. She tries to make it disappear, but it just shakes off the puff of smoke and starts coming around the couch. Geraldine is apparently talking about trying to scare the hiccups out of the boss and Wanda uses her demonstration of jumping out and yelling "boo" to yelp and throw an orange, startling the stork back behind the couch.

And then the bird makes a loud, displeased noise and Geraldine jumps up, her tone serious suddenly as she asks what that was. Wanda imitates the noise and says yeah, that's the new ice maker. Did Geraldine know they can put them directly in the fridge now? Geraldine falls back into character and goes back to her story while Wanda tries to breathe through a contraction. The stork comes back around the couch and starts plucking at Geraldine's fish pattern pants like maybe it's actual fish which...I'm not sure birds can see in two dimensions, but okay. Geraldine moves suddenly and he's startled back into the nursery. She doesn't notice for the same reason she doesn't see Wanda's bulging abdomen: plot contrivance.

So anyway, the boss gave Geraldine a promotion, which brings her via the long scenic route to the question she wanted to ask Wanda: do they still keep extra office supplies in the spare room? She gestures at the nursery and then just starts heading in there. Wanda scrambles to stop her and just ends up switching the bowl of fruit for a vase of flowers. The stork freezes in place right in front of the mural on the wall and Geraldine misses it completely, exclaiming instead at the presence of the crib. Wanda drops the vase, yelling as she has another contraction (which, like the "benchmarks" Vision noted earlier, happen at entirely random intervals). She moans that the baby is coming and Geraldine just squawks "you're pregnant?"

Dr. Neilsen is half under the hood of his car, grumbling that it chose RIGHT NOW to crap out, when Vision run/morphs up. Dr. Neilsen asks if everything is okay with "the wife". Vision says yes, as long as they hurry, which doesn't really explain anything. He just hauls the doctor onto his back and runs off, leaving the doctor's wife sitting in the car, which we didn't see until just now.

Geraldine tries to get Wanda on the couch, but she just lies down on the floor behind it. She says Vision is going to get the doctor, so they should be back soon. Geraldine props pillows behind her and says there won't be enough time, which is probably right but I can't imagine anyone would know anything for sure here. The vacuum cleaner runs itself, pictures spin on the walls, the fireplace bursts into flame. Geraldine yelps as the chandelier crashes on the dining room table and warily says "I may be late to the party, but I imagine there is a logical explanation for all this."

Chrissy: Go ahead and imagine.
Diandra: Mirrors! That's how they work, right?

She kneels beside Wanda and coaches her through breathing, ordering her to focus. Wanda whines that she can't do this and Geraldine cheers her on. Standard childbirth dialogue.

Geraldine peeks under Wanda's dress and announces that it's time to start pushing. She does, screaming, and the clock starts spinning, the electricity crackles and the vacuum smokes. Then she calms and everything stops moving. Geraldine holds up a screaming six month old and says it's a boy. She hands him to Wanda and they both coo happily. This is the cue for Vision to burst through the door with the doctor and moan that he missed it all. Geraldine takes the cue to herd the doctor into the kitchen. He gasps that Vision ran so fast it was like they were flying.

Chrissy: Yeah. Just like.

Wanda suggests Vision meet his son as himself and he looks around to make sure they are alone before morphing into his robot self. He takes the baby from her, calling him Tommy, which was the name she wanted. She is surprised by this, but he just declares that to be his name and end of story. He bends down to kiss her and she screams in his face as she has another contraction because yeah, she's having twins. These were probably the last days where it was possible for that to be a surprise. Vision coaches her to push and she screams into the scene change.

Everyone is gathered in the living room again, where everything is restored to the way it was before it was hit by a magic storm. Vision and the doctor are each holding a baby. The doctor pronounces them both healthy baby boys. Then he tells Geraldine that she might have what it takes to be a nurse.

Chrissy: Fuck that. I'm-a take your job since I did all the work and you just swanned in here at the last minute.

Geraldine is probably thinking this, actually, as she and Wanda sort of share a look like 'yeah, he's a sexist ass, but we can't call them on that yet.'

The doctor hands Wanda his baby, Vision puts his in a crib and they both head for the door. Outside, Vision says he hopes the doctor can still make his trip. Dr. Neilsen says actually, he doesn't think they'll be going on that trip after all because... "small towns, you know...hard to...escape." Vision watches him leave like 'huh...that was weird.' He waves at Agnes and Herb whispering to each other over the cement wall. They wave at him and go right back to whispering. She is obviously asking him questions about Wanda and Geraldine and what he's seen going on around the house. Vision walks closer and prompts that they're having quite a day, right? Did they lose power too? Agnes jokes that Ralph looks better in the dark anyway, so that wasn't a "problem" per se. Vision looks like he's pretty sure something fishy is going on here, but he's obviously not going to get anywhere, so... he starts going back inside. Agnes calls him and asks if Geraldine is in there with Wanda. Vision says yeah, why?

Inside, Geraldine is praising Wanda for her strength and gushing at the babies now both in the crib. One of them actually kind of looks at her from the corner of his eye like "I'm trying to SLEEP here." Wanda gets nostalgic and says she used to have a twin too. His name was Pietro. She starts singing to the babies in Sokovian while Geraldine seems to come out of character slowly. She says yeah, he was killed by Ultron, right?

Outside, Herb and Agnes are talking about how Geraldine is new to town and doesn't have a family or a "home".

Inside, Wanda turns on Geraldine and asks what she just said. Geraldine blinks rapidly and forces herself back into character, repeating the part about Wanda being so STRONG. Wanda is like 'I'm not an idiot.' What did she say about Pietro? Geraldine acts like she's never heard that name before. She tries to deflect by offering to rock the babies and Wanda stands between her and the crib and tells her to leave.

Outside, Vision asks what Agnes means by Geraldine having no home. Herb hesitantly says Geraldine "came here because...we're all..." Agnes turns to him and hisses for him to stop talking, acting like she's afraid of whatever he's about to say.

Inside, Wanda points to the upside down cross (or...I guess it's a sword) pendant Geraldine is wearing and asks what that symbol is. Geraldine flusters. Wanda asks who she is anyway. Then she cocks her head in a way that usually signals she is about to let loose a fireball. Geraldine stutters and keeps repeating her name in a pleading tone.

Outside, Agnes grabs the bike she rode in on, winks at Vision and says she should go because "that macrame isn't going to hitch itself."

Chrissy: Well, Ralph isn't going to do it either.
Diandra: Do I want to know what that's code for?

Vision tries to press Herb, but Herb just takes his hedge trimmer and scurries inside.

Vision rushes inside, turning his face back to robot mode and finds Wanda standing over the crib. He asks what happened to Geraldine. Wanda says she "left" in a creepy, flat tone.

The picture starts reshaping into a more widescreen format as we switch to a view of the Welcome to Westview sign at the edge of town. There's a crackling sound and Geraldine is forcibly spit through an invisible barrier near the sign, red energy crackling all around her as she rolls to a stop in the grass. She looks at some approaching headlights and a helicopter flying overhead before passing out. We pull back to the tune of "Daydream Believer" while military type guys with guns come out of tents and the helicopter puts a spotlight on her.

Please stand by.

Chrissy: And now is when the whining about how long this show was taking to get somewhere stops.
Diandra: Oh, it stopped before that. Everyone who wasn't patient enough to get this far quit before this episode even started. Luckily they seem to have been in the minority because this show had the best ratings and every published ranking of all the Disney + series puts it on top. And rightly so because it is the best one.
Chrissy: Better than "Loki"?
Diandra: "Loki" is more traditional. Like "Falcon" and "Hawkeye" it feels like an extension of one of the movies, setting up for another movie. WandaVision is tied to what came before and after, obviously, but it's just...DIFFERENT. In a good way for people willing to enjoy the nostalgia trip and appreciate all the thought and effort that went into making each episode fit a different era while still being part of a larger story. And I guess I'm one of those people, as we've noted a couple times so far. It isn't perfect, and we will get to that. But it's pretty great.

And I'm going to end this part one recap with an easter egg I neglected to mention because it came a full episode before the place I would have expected it. In the Bewitched credit sequence, when Wanda is levitating cans at the supermarket, there is an ad behind her for "Bova" brand milk. Bova is the species of anthropomorphic cow that Wanda's midwife in the comics hails from. Yes, you read that right. The comics are often batshit crazy and we should just be glad that Dr. Strange doesn't have a green skinned minotaur.

......son of a.....