WandaVision part 2

"WandaVision" Episodes 4, 5 and 6

Starring: Elizabeth Olson, Paul Bettany, Kathryn Hahn, Teyonah Parris, Randall Park, Kat Dennings, Josh Stamberg, [redacted], Julian Hillard, Jett Klyne, Asif Ali, David Payton, Ithamar Enriquez, Victoria Blade

Episode 4: "We Interrupt This Program" (or: Welcome Back to the MCU)

Previously on WandaVision, we ditched all the audience members whining about the fact that the show was structured like sitcoms from different eras just in time to pause, go back to the "real world" of the Marvel universe and explain. Also, Wanda gave birth to twin boys after a magically accelerated pregnancy, someone tried to communicate with her through a radio and Agnes and Herb revealed that Geraldine is not...one of them before she seemingly just disappeared and reappeared outside the dome surrounding the town.

We start on a black screen with a few snippets of sound from "Captain Marvel". Maria saying she can't leave Monica and Monica saying she can stay with her grandparents. The black screen turns to some fractured bits of color swarming around and then coalescing into Geraldine as Brie Larson's voice fondly says "Lieutenant Trouble." She gasps and looks down as her hands form in the reverse of the Snappening effect. She is in a hospital room in a chair next to an empty bed. She runs out into the hall, which has erupted into chaos as more people undust all over the place. A doctor says "they're all coming back. We don't have the capacity."

She flags down a nurse to ask about a patient in room 104, but he just asks if she has a phone because he needs to call his wife. She runs right into a guy materializing and helps him back up. She looks at all the chaos down every hallway, panting and wild-eyed, until a doctor comes up and identifies her by name. She is Monica, the little girl in Captain Marvel all grown up. She identifies the doctor as Dr. Harley, who asks where she's been. Monica says she's been in "her" room since she came back from surgery and maybe fell asleep for twenty minutes, but...where is her mom now? Dr. Harley is like 'oh...she died, sweetie.' Monica is baffled because the procedure went well and Maria was being discharged. Dr. Harley seems to be trying to figure out how she can explain that that was five years ago. She says Maria's cancer came back and she died...three years ago, which was two years after Monica disappeared. Along with half of the rest of the planet.

Chrissy: And for everyone who thinks they can get away with watching either the Disney+ shows OR the MCU movies...sucks to be you.
Diandra: Yeah, I'm thinking there's going to be a big dropoff in the people watching all the movies from here on out once they realize the shows were important and they no longer know what the hell is going on.

Usual Marvel title card.

We return to the headquarters of a new in-universe organization: SWORD, aka Sentient Weapon Observation Response Division apparently.

Chrissy: Yeah, that tracks with the other belabored acronym organizations in the Marvel verse.
Diandra: What even does SHIELD stand for again? Did anyone but Coulson know?

The design of the inside of the building is a modern, swoopy, airport/museum type look. There are large TV screens showing a news scroll about "The Blip" because that is what they are determined to call it now. Monica goes to wave her badge at a door lock and it bleats a rejection. A security guard calls her over and seems totally unsympathetic to the idea that somebody who works at the facility might have a badge that no longer works because they were one of the Snapped. A white guy interrupts, telling the guy he really should recognize this woman and she has a meeting with him, so. They identify each other for the benefit of the audience: Captain Monica Rambeau and Director Tyler Hayward. He says he's just acting director and notes that she hasn't aged a day. Yeah, funny how that works. She fires back that he looks "old as hell". He just laughs and takes her through the door, so obviously she had every reason to be confident that that observation wouldn't piss him off. She pauses to look at a plaque dedicated to her mother for the benefit of the audience. The picture of Lashana Lynch in Air Force uniform is captioned "Maria 'Photon' Rambeau". This is potentially confusing to fanboys because Photon was Monica's superhero name and Maria never had any powers, but maybe this is a hint of where Monica will get the name later.

As they're walking down some twisting hallways, he notes that she's the first to report in after three weeks. Presumably meaning three weeks since The Returning. She asks about their astronaut training program for some reason. He says he lost half his personnel to the Snap and the other half have "lost their nerve". So they've shifted from manned missions to AI and robotics. Hence the "Sentient Weapons" thing on the door. She points out that it also says "observation and response" on the door, not "creation", so... He says yeah, well, there's all sorts of new potential threats from space. She says yeah, and there always were. It's also full of potential allies.

They arrive at a door and he exposits that this is probably awkward for her given that her mom basically built this place and she has been there forever and because of a giant purple alien she didn't get to help choose her mother's replacement. Which is him. Because he was the only choice left. And he is totally aware of that. She shrugs that they both have jobs to do and she's ready to get back to it.

He lets her into his office and starts a briefing about a missing persons case in New Jersey that has the FBI breathing down their necks. She doesn't understand how a missing persons case involves them. He rolls his eyes and says they've requested use of an imaging drone, which he needs somebody to babysit. She understands that this is way below her pay grade and says he doesn't need to worry about her. He says until further notice, she has been relegated to "terrestrial missions" only. And it was her mother's idea. She drew up guidelines for what they should do if the victims of The Snappening ever came back.

Chrissy: You just really want to keep using that name, don't you?
Diandra: Yes.

He says he knows it sucks, but...hey...she believed they would return. And if Monica did this job for the FBI she'd be doing him a big favor, so... She agrees, accepts the folder from him and leaves.

She drives out to Westview, New Jersey and meets a couple cars parked beside the sign we saw her land in front of at the end of the last episode. A couple cops are talking to Jimmy Woo, aka, the FBI guy from the second Ant Man movie. I didn't mention it in the 60s episode because I'm not very good with voices, but apparently the actor was credited as the voice talking to Wanda through the radio. Like I said, this is where things are going to start making sense. Jimmy walks over to introduce himself to her, producing his business card via one of the tricks Scott used on him that he has spent the past few years teaching himself. She introduces herself and asks what's going on here. He says he has a "witness set up" in this town that seemed to disappear this morning. She realizes this to mean that the "missing person" is in the witness protection program. He says he's contacted relatives and associates with regular contact and they claim they haven't even heard of him. Which...is weird. Hence why he's here all the way from California. He invites her to come see what happened when he talked to local law enforcement about what's going on here.

They approach the cops and Jimmy prompts one to repeat what he just said about Westview to this nice lady here. The cop says sure, there is no such place as Westview. Monica blinks at him and the Welcome to Westview sign he is literally standing right next to and clarifies that he's really suggesting the town doesn't exist, looking pointedly at the sign as she finishes the question. The cop says yeah, he keeps telling this FBI guy here, but he's not listening. She looks at Jimmy like 'oooooooookaayyyyyy' and asks where the cop is from then. He says Eastview. Jimmy thanks them and the cops get back in their car. Jimmy says he's been going through phone numbers of all the residents of the town and getting nothing. He's only gotten as far as the "ds", but...still. She summarizes that he can't reach anyone on the inside and everyone on the outside seems to have some sort of very specific amnesia. He nods and says it's not really a case of a single missing persons. The whole town - 3,892 of them according to the welcome sign - seems to have gone missing. She asks why he hasn't just gone in to investigate. "'cause it doesn't want me to," he says. He asks if she can sense the same thing he does: that something isn't allowing them any closer.

She goes to get the drone from the trunk. It is helicopter shaped with a viewscreen at the front. It also has that SWORD logo that was on Geraldine's pendant and the same color scheme as Captain Marvel's suit. As she gets it ready to fly, she asks "what about you?" Jimmy starts a rambling back story about how he grew up in Bakersfield with a poster of Elliot Ness on his bedroom wall and she says she just meant why is he aware of the town when everybody else isn't. Are they out of range? Not connected to anyone inside in any way? He just shrugs.

As the drone flies past the "dome", her video screen turns static-y and it seems to disappear. She walks right up to the barrier and sees what looks like an electrically charged screen. Jimmy stands back warily as she reaches to touch it, her hand going static-y for a second as it hits the dome. She pulls back, then curiously prods at it again despite Jimmy's objections and is sucked right in, disappearing from Jimmy's perspective.

24 hours later, a big armored truck is driving along the road Monica took to get to the town. Darcy (aka Jane Foster's vaguely annoying friend) is in the back with some stone-faced guys. She asks one of them what his "field" is and he snaps that they're not supposed to talk to each other.

Chrissy: What is this, a prison transport?

Darcy shrugs and turns to the woman next to him, who says she's a Nuclear Biologist. The Asian guy next to Darcy is in Artificial Intelligence. Darcy says she's in Astrophysics, which means they have a whole "clown car" and SWORD must not know WHAT sort of threat they're dealing with here. The first guy finally mumbles that he's a Chemical Engineer, but Darcy doesn't care anymore.

They arrive at a tent city that has been built at the border of the town, which the chyron identifies as SWORD's "response base". A military guy flags her down and she confirms that she is "Dr. Lewis", so apparently she's been working on a doctorate since we last saw her.

Chrissy: Which probably explains why she's not so dopey anymore.
Diandra: Yeah, one of the things this show did was turn two former bumbling sidekick characters that were mostly there for comic relief into competent members of a team.

He says they have her equipment set up inside already and leads her to a pop up building with a room full of computer stations that has a full wall of windows overlooking Westview. She watches as a drone takes off and disappears the moment it hits the border. She asks what sort of data they're getting from those drones. He says that's "highly classified." She translates that as "nothing". He is clearly not amused. She makes a 'hoooookay, never mind' face and notes the number of government and military personnel involved with whatever this is and says she's looking forward to the commemorative t-shirts that will inevitably be made for this massive operation. Then she asks where she might get some coffee while she plugs in some equipment on her desk. He snaps at her to get on with it. She turns on the doohicky she was using in the "Thor" movies and it glows red and blue and crap starts flying across the big computer monitor in front of her. She responds to this with "woah. I mean............woah." He asks what it is. She says it's a "colossal amount of cosmic microwave background radiation." He notes that they've been told the radiation is within safe parameters. She says yeah..."for now." Then she notes that there are some spikes over all the background noise and hauls some sort of view screen out from under the desk. She fiddles with the knobs until she sees a blurry image of Wanda in her 50s look and tells the military guy that she needs an old TV.

We cut to that night or something. It's raining and Director Hayward is giving instructions to a guy wearing a full hazmat suit about to go into the sewer that leads into the town. "Agent Franklin" is to find anything he can on Rambeau and has an earpiece connected to the guys outside via open channel. Jimmy sidles up to Hayward and says he's not feeling very confident about this mission. Hayward is like 'thanks for the opinion. Noted.' They go into one of the tents as Jimmy adds that it's possible the limits of the town extend down to the sewers and they shouldn't be sending another agent into an unknown possible threat. Hayward snips that "they must really miss you back at Quantico." Jimmy replies immediately that no, they don't, because "softball season's over."

Chrissy: Well, that's just sad.

They walk up to a monitor table cycling through RADAR, SONAR and a few other measurements. All the monitors are showing blips and lights within a hexagon shaped border and he snaps for SOMEONE to get him a useful visual. Canned studio laughter comes from the corner. He asks what the hell that is and they gravitate toward the source of the sound: the TV Darcy has set up to display the signal. Which is on the 50s episode after the Hart's showed up. Jimmy points and asks if that's who he thinks it is. Darcy says it looks like her, but..."he's dead, right" she asks, nodding at Vision. Hayward asks what the hell this is and where it came from. "Is it authentic?" She's not sure what that even means in this context. He asks if it's happening in real time or if it's a recording. She has no clue. Which is a pretty common state for her, but she's getting better. She says it is a broadcast frequency that was intertwined with the CMBR her equipment picked up. Hayward recognizes cosmic microwave whatever as a relic of the big bang. Jimmy frowns at Wanda announcing dinner is ready and summarizes that they're saying the universe is generating a sitcom starring two Avengers. Darcy isn't quite sure yet. Hayward verifies that she's recording the signal for analysis and orders somebody to take him back to headquarters.

Everyone wanders away, leaving her to watch the end of the episode and write some notes in a journal, identifying those as her hands we saw at the end of the first episode.

Jimmy heads a briefing where he starts with the explanation that their main objective is to find Monica Rambeau, but they may have to start with the original missing persons case if they're going to get anywhere. He puts up pictures of the two people they've identified inside the "Westview anomaly" so far: Wanda and Vision. We skim over Darcy running back that 50s episode and trying to identify other people and Jimmy writing stuff on a white board like "why hexagonal shape?" and "five mile radius" and "skrulls?"

Chrissy: Oh, sure. Blame the shape shifting aliens.
Diandra: Yeah, I can only assume they would suspect Loki if they weren't confident he was dead too.

They montage through the real IDs of various people in the 50s episode. The Harts are really Todd and Sharon Davis. Abhilash Tandon is Norm, Vision's work friend. Harold Copter is Jones, who probably moonlights as a porn star when we get to the 70s episode. Isabelle Matsuieda is Bev, which...when did we get to the 60s episode? John Collins is Herb. And then Darcy is stirring some Ramen noodles as she wanders past the monitor and gasps, dropping the cup. She pulls Jimmy over to look at Monica as Geraldine is sitting on a bench reading a newspaper while Wanda and Agnes talk in the background. She asks if she seems "okay". Jimmy says she doesn't look like she's been harmed, but "that's definitely not the boss lady I met yesterday." Darcy wonders if she's playing along, like some sort of deep cover mission. Jimmy doesn't know who she would be "playing along" with or what the consequences of not doing it would be.

He suggests they start over with the basics. What are they looking at? An alternate reality?

Chrissy: No, we're not there yet.
Diandra: But yes, keep that in mind when it comes to Wanda.

He also suggests time travel and some sort of social experiment. Darcy says it's just a 1950s sitcom. Actually, you're looking at the 60s one now, but I assume you haven't figured out the change yet. Jimmy asks WHY they are all acting out a sitcom. Darcy's like 'fuck if I know, dude, I just got here too.' But she says she has an idea.

Outside, she sets up some electronic equipment while she reminds Jimmy of the radio on Wanda's kitchen counter. She thinks they can get a signal to that radio the next time Wanda is doing dishes so they can speak to her. A female agent hands Jimmy a folder and he frowns at the contents, asking if this is from the currently airing episode. She confirms that they got it about two minutes ago. It's a picture of the red toy helicopter Wanda retrieved from the bushes. And now it's obvious it has a sword logo on the nose. Darcy says it looks like a "retro version of a SWORD drone." Jimmy confirms that that's exactly what it probably is. Darcy asks how it changed and why. "Uh, to go with the production design," Jimmy guesses. He asks the other agent why the picture was colorized. The agent says it isn't. Darcy and Jimmy look at each other like 'we really need to get in there' and they both put on headsets so they can communicate while she runs inside to the monitors. She tells Jimmy that Monica is talking to Wanda now because she was given a speaking part. He asks if it's still the 60s like...I guess we figured it out since the last scene.

Darcy spots the radio on the table when Wanda is alone with Dotty. She directs Jimmy to start talking. He picks up a microphone and starts saying the lines we heard coming out of the radio, so anybody who didn't recognize his voice can understand what that was about now. Darcy watches Wanda and Dotty react to the voice coming from the radio and then suddenly it flashes right to Dotty talking about getting blood stains out of linen with nothing in between. Darcy notices the weird jump, but can't really tell what happened so she decides the mission must have failed. Jimmy declares that it was worth a try and heads back inside.

Either we are sort of bouncing around in time, or the sewer tunnel is REALLY long because the guy in the hazmat suit is still crawling around down there.

Chrissy: Five hundred yards of shit-smelling foulness!
Diandra: ...........was that a Shawshank reference?
Chrissy: You recognize it. Good for you.

An agent informs Franklin via comm that he is five meters from the perimeter. When he crosses the barrier, his hazmat suit changes to a beekeeper outfit and the tether keeping him tied to the outside detatches. The agents roll it back and the end that went a few inches past the line has been turned to a bright plastic jump rope.

We replay the part of the 60s episode where the guy we now know as Agent Franklin climbs out of the sewer. Vision says Wanda's name and Franklin turns to see them standing in their yard watching him warily. Wanda says no and we snap back to base camp, still not seeing what actually happened there.

Agents are plugging in more TVs and Wanda and Vision are halfway through the 70s episode now. Darcy wonders aloud why the time period keeps changing. "It can't be purely for my enjoyment, can it?" Jimmy is stuck on the fact that Wanda and Vision are having a baby. Darcy holds the bag of chips she's eating out to Jimmy and asks "want any?" Jimmy starts rambling about how he's thought of having a little Jimmy Woo that he could get a tiny FBI badge for and...oh, you meant do I want a chip? Yeah, sure.

Chrissy: But seriously, don't do that. He would be bullied so hard.
Diandra: With Jimmy as his dad, I don't think there would be much hope for him.

They watch the birth scene with rapt attention and Darcy gushes about the twins twist. Jimmy looks at her sideways and she defensively says she's "invested" in this now.

And then Monica/Geraldine starts talking about Ultron and Jimmy is like 'wait...what did she just say?' He asks Darcy if they've referenced their reality before. Darcy confirms they have not and something is weird here. Wanda starts asking who Geraldine is and ordering her to leave and doing that head cock and then abruptly she and Vision are on the couch with the babies and the credits are rolling. Darcy groans that "it" happened again and rewinds the footage to the point where it jumps. She confirms that there isn't anything there, it just goes from Monica talking to Wanda to Monica suddenly being gone. "Someone is censoring the broadcast," she concludes. Jimmy asks what that means. Where is Monica?

An alarm goes off and a voice announces that the boundary has been breached. They scramble to check that out and we push in on the frozen frame of Wanda looking murderously at Monica. It kicks back on and we see the part that has been cut twice now, the frame changing to the more modern widescreen again despite being entirely within the illusion. Wanda is asking who Geraldine is really and how she knows about Ultron. She starts conjuring balls of energy in her hands as she declares that Monica is an "outsider" who is "trespassing" here and she needs to leave now. She throws the ball of energy into Monica's chest and she is hurled through the wall behind her and then another wall, a fence, clear across the town and out of the barrier. Which is four walls for a fun little in joke. Wanda looks at her hands like she's not sure what just happened. She magics all the damage away and turns to the babies, standing over them with a sad look on her face when Vision comes back inside. She turns to him and gasps as he suddenly looks as he did when she last saw him with dead eyes and a gaping hole where his forehead used to be. He asks what's wrong. She looks away and slowly looks back up to find him back to his red robot self again. He says they don't have to stay "here". They can leave. She smiles sadly and says no, they can't. "This is our home." And she assures him she has everything under control now.

Outside the perimeter, paramedics are checking out Monica when Jimmy and Darcy run up. "It's Wanda," she mutters. "It's all Wanda."

Inside, Wanda picks up the second baby - Vision already holding the first - and asks what they should watch tonight. Vision has a somewhat wary look on his face, but he's playing along. They sit on the couch, the audience applauds and we go to the please stand by screen.

Chrissy: And now that we're all caught up...
Diandra: Yeah, I remember the post-episode discussion for this one basically boiling down to noting that the people who kept complaining that nothing was happening would be happy now. Although a lot of them had already rage quit and written bad reviews complaining about the sitcom format with the laugh track and comparing it to "Big Bang Theory" for no other reason than it was the only sitcom they could think of that they hated.
Chrissy: Well, this show was definitely not meant for those people. And I'm pretty sure those are not people I would want to talk to at all because they sound like killjoys.
Diandra: Like we mentioned on a previous episode, I'm probably weird because I did grow up watching - and loving - shows like "Bewitched". But I absolutely consider that a good thing because my tastes are not so narrow that I can understand the people whining about how the first two episodes of this show are "terrible" and they struggled to find the patience to continue after the first twenty goddamn minutes.
Chrissy: Instant gratification is a hell of a drug.
Diandra: Must be.

Anyway, now that we've revealed what is going on behind the curtain, let's move on to the 80s.

Episode 5: "On a Very Special Episode..." (or: Family Whatever They All Look the Same)

There was discussion somewhere about how viewers of this show had their nostalgia kick in in different places. Probably very few felt nostalgia about the 50s and 60s sitcoms (though I am probably not the only one who watched Bewitched reruns as a child). For most people, it kicked in either in the last episode or one of the next two. Again, I'm probably weird. I watched "Bewitched" and "Gilligan's Island" and "Happy Days" reruns, but I never watched "Brady Bunch". I watched the entire TGIF lineup, but I was so young that it's mostly a hazy memory with bits and pieces that stand out clearly like Elyse Keaton going into labor and every catch phrase from every character on Full House.

Chrissy: Have mercy.
Diandra: Yes, thank you, Uncle Jesse.

Fun fact: it wasn't until I read articles for this show that I realized Elizabeth Olson is related to the famous Olson twins.

Chrissy: Wait...seriously?
Diandra: It's a common name.
Chrissy: Yeah, but...............seriously?

Yeah. Anyway.

We begin the episode with some upbeat music playing over an exterior shot of the newly updated house. Inside, Wanda is carrying a crying Tommy through the 80s version of the living room, which I think is supposed to look mostly like the set of Growing Pains. Her outfit is very pastel and her hair looks like a bird might have nested in it recently. Vision comes down the stairs with Billy as she's vowing to declare Tommy her favorite if he will just go to sleep. He reminds her that they love both of their children equally. She jokes that he shouldn't tell Tommy that. She asks about his efforts to get Billy to sleep. He says he tried reading to him but "for some reason Charles Darwin's The Descent of Man made him cry even harder."

Chrissy: I mean...maybe if you did some voices?

They gravitate toward each other while bouncing the babies and he jokes about it looking like they're dancing and if the boys would just keep it down he might just "get my leg over."

Chrissy: Ah yes, that was the marked difference from the 60s to the 80s.
Diandra: One of them.

They put the babies in their cribs so Vision can go get their pacifiers and they wail harder. She apologetically says parents aren't supposed to take "shortcuts", which...really?...but she's gonna try to use magic here anyway. She tries to magic them to sleep and it does nothing. Twice. She puts her hands on her hips and asks why they won't do what she wants. Vision returns with the pacifiers in his ears like earplugs and she laughs and plugs the kids' mouths with them. They stop crying for a few seconds, then punctuate her declaration that it's working by violently spitting them out and wailing again.

Chrissy: Well, what did you expect? They taste like earwax.
Diandra: Why would a synthezoid have earwax?
Chrissy: Right. But considering the way Pepper reacted to the smell of the fluid inside Tony's arc reactor, it could be something worse.

She asks what they're doing wrong. He kisses her on the head and vows that they'll figure it out. She suggests they may need some help, which is Agnes' cue to come in in full workout clothes with leggings and oh my god 80s fashions were hideous. The audience applauds and Vision hides behind a pillow while he changes his face. Agnes says she was on her way to her jazzercize class when she heard the little bundles of joy screaming. She says Auntie Agnes has a couple tricks up her sleeve.

Chrissy: Now would probably be a good time to point out one of the Easter eggs you missed. The Bova milk ad in the 60s credits was next to an ad for "Auntie A's Kitty Litter".
Diandra: Ah, yes. With a black cat. Which Agnes hasn't actually had so far, but that's a clear clue to anyone who was already theorizing about which character she is from the comics.

Wanda is thrilled to just hand them off. Vision is a little more hesitant, vomiting a stream of instructions and questions like "remember to support their heads" and "when was the last time you washed your hands?" Then he nervously says maybe they shouldn't, actually. Agnes freezes and looks uncomfortable. She turns to Wanda and asks if she wants to do another take. From the top? Vision laughs, confused. So does the audience. Wanda blinks, then laughs and says Agnes is being silly and implores Vision - wide eyed - to let Agnes try it. Agnes laughs and the situation diffuses. Vision pulls Wanda aside and asks what that was all about. Wanda shrugs that Agnes must have gotten confused for a moment, but she seems fine now.

They are briefly distracted by Agnes spraying what looks like perfume all over the babies while doing stretches. She explains that lavender is calming and blathers about her husband using it every night but "there's no taming this tiger!" Vision thinks it's "strange" and Wanda tries to redirect by joking that it's not Agnes' fault she has "an unusually high libido."

Chrissy: There's kind of an interesting evolution to her character in these episodes too. Like, the way she talks about her husband has changed possibly dependent on what sort of marriage humor was acceptable at any given time.
Diandra: Yeah, ALL the jokes are basically tailored to the era they are meant for.

Vision says that's not what he meant and did she really not see what just happened? Agnes detracts again by raiding their liquor cabinet. "Not for me! For the twins! What kind of babysitter do you think I am?"

Chrissy: Speaking of things that were acceptable for different eras...
Diandra: Eh, we turned out fine.
Chrissy: I don't think that's as solid an argument as you think it is.

Wanda reminds Vision that the babies haven't slept in days and they need a break. She says Agnes is just being "neighborly". And then the crying stops abruptly and they gasp and go to look in the cribs, whispering that they must finally be asleep. But the cribs are empty and two little boys are standing behind them like 'is this better, mommy?' Agnes is sitting on the counter separating the dining room from the kitchen, drinking and muttering about how you just can't control kids.

Chrissy: I mean, she IS the most relatable character, right? It's not just me?

The audience laughs and Wanda and Vision each pick up one of the boys and everyone smiles like a happy family unit.

The credit sequence of this episode is mostly modeled after "Family Ties" with maybe some "Growing Pains" thrown in. It has some pictures of "Wanda" and "Vision" growing up and Wanda's are probably actual pictures of Elizabeth, but Vision's are...weird...with the Vision makeup digitally added to baby and kid pictures that are maybe Paul Bettany or maybe someone else entirely. There's some pictures of the kids playing Tommy and Billy and a little video of them blowing the candles on a cake that has five years worth of number candles on it. And by the end, the credits are totally based on "Full House" and end with a similar picnic in the park shot. And I'm not sure if I talked about the song lyrics on the 70s episode, but it's probably noteworthy that this one keeps repeating "we're making it up as we go along."

Chrissy: Well, we did literally break the fourth wall in the last episode, so...
Diandra: So this can be applied to any and all Marvel productions. [In a terrible singsong] This is all basically fan fiction please stop sending us hate maaaaaiiiiiil.
Chrissy: I think "The Eternals" really IS fan fiction, isn't it? Like, fan fiction written by somebody other than the original writers years after the fact, retconning new god-like characters in?
Diandra: First of all: ...yes. Second: if I'm going to continue recapping the MCU without losing my mind entirely I have to pretend that movie doesn't exist so let's never speak of it again.

The episodes are getting longer now, partly because we're going to go back and forth between the action inside and outside Westview. So, we switch to the world outside now, with Hayward in voice over asking Monica, who is getting some tests done in the hospital part of the tent city, to describe what happened to her. We flash back to when she was dragged into the dome and then get a bunch of flashes of things we've already seen as Monica says there was pain and then she could hear Wanda's voice in her head. Hayward asks if she tried to resist the mind control. She just says she had this hopeless, drowning feeling keeping her subdued. Which she realizes was grief. We get flashes of Wanda screaming and crying.

The doctor or nurse or lab tech or whatever she is finishes running the tests just before Jimmy and Darcy enter. Jimmy introduces Darcy, who hands Monica a set of clothes to put on before the briefing. The military lady comes back to announce that they have to run the tests again because the scans came out blank for some reason. And also, she needs to draw blood again. Monica chuckles and says nah, screw that. Jimmy just shrugs at the military lady like 'I can't do anything.'

The briefing is in that big central room. Hayward announces that they are getting an increasingly clearer idea of what is going on inside the anomaly, thanks to Monica's "first person intel". They thought Wanda was a victim, but it turns out she's the victimizer. Jimmy gives a quick summary of her bio. Sokovian. Parents killed in an air raid. Radicalized by HYDRA. (Jimmy notes this last one is an over simplification). Experimented on using the mind stone. Hayward stops Jimmy to ask if Wanda has an alias or "funny nickname". Jimmy is like 'uh...not yet?'

Chrissy: But now that you brought it up, we'll make sure she has one by the end of this series.
Diandra: Yeah, that's one of the things about these series. It's easy to forget which things we know because somebody actually said it at some point and which we know because of the history of the character. We know she's Scarlet Witch, but she hasn't actually been given that name yet.

Hayward notes that she used her powers AGAINST the Avengers. Jimmy says yeah, but then things changed and she joined them. Hayward invokes the Lagos incident like that negates whatever trust the good guys had in her. Jimmy just purses his lips and steps aside so Hayward can talk "strategy". He sidles up to Darcy and they both mutter about what a dick Hayward is.

When Hayward gets to the word "terrorists", Monica finally pipes up to say Wanda is NOT a terrorist. Hayward reminds her that she described the whole mind-controlled puppet experience as "excruciating, terrifying, a violation." Some view screens show her as Geraldine prancing around ridiculously and she growls between clenched teeth that what she MEANS is that terrorism is about political agendas, which Wanda doesn't have or destruction which doesn't seem to be her goal. Hayward counters that she blasted Monica across the entire city. Monica says yes, and that would have killed her if Wanda hadn't protected her from actual harm. Hayward argues the whole "holding everyone hostage" angle. Monica thinks it could have been more than that if Wanda hadn't put up that barrier or "quarantine". Basically it boils down to Monica not believing this is "a premeditated act of aggression."

Hayward pulls up a video that was originally supposed to be the mid/end credit scene in "Endgame". It's surveillance footage of the SWORD facility we already saw, which he says is where they were keeping Vision's body until nine days ago. The jumpy video shows Wanda blasting her way through doors into the lab, shattering the windows barrier and the cameras short out as she is approaching the table the body is laid on. Hayward says she stole the body and obviously resurrected him as we can see on that broadcast feed over there. Jimmy notes that that's a violation of the Sokovia Accords, fka The Mutant Registry Act. Hayward says yeah, it's also a violation of Vision's living will because apparently he had one of those. Jimmy points out why he would have done that: he didn't want to be used as a weapon. Hayward acknowledges that Wanda probably disregarded those directives out of grief, but... He dismisses everybody with instructions to "work the problem."

Jimmy asks Darcy how Wanda could possibly have resurrected Vision without the Mind Stone.

Chrissy: I'm sorry, Jimmy, but that's one magic trick you can't learn.

Monica sidles up to them as Darcy describes the whole situation as Wanda making a vibranium synthezoid play "father-knows-best-in-suburbia" and wondering what will happen when he finds out what's going on.

We push in on the screen showing the final image of the credit sequence, so apparently this was all happening at about the same time as what was going on in the dome. Hopefully somebody caught whatever blip masked that little "should we take it again from the top" moment.

The boys are at the kitchen sink, which is piled high with bubbles. Billy notes that "he" doesn't seem to like water. Oh, god, what did they drown? Tommy says they need to get him clean so mom will let them keep him. And then mom comes in the kitchen and they stand in front of it like 'nothing to see here!' Wanda sighs that the lack of crying might be an improvement, but did they have to skip right to being able to walk? Then she realizes they are blocking the view of the sink very deliberately and looking suspicious. There is a sneeze from somewhere and she says "bless you". Both boys say "thank you" in unison and the thing in the bubbles behind them barks. They step aside to reveal a tiny terrier with a furiously wagging tail. Billy asks if they can keep him. Wanda says his owners must miss him and unfolds a dish towel to dry him off. And when she can't find a collar on his neck, Tommy repeats the question, and Billy adds that they found him outside crying. Wanda goes into lecture mode, telling them that taking care of a living thing is a big responsibility.

Chrissy: Not that I would know as I made the two of you from shards of the Devil so you might not technically be "living" per se.
Diandra: Shhhhh.

She gets distracted as she's telling them how much work dogs are because she's petting him and nuzzling him and isn't he freaking adorable? Vision arrives and Wanda turns to him grinning, the dog in her arms. He asks who this "unfamiliar wet animal" is. Wanda doesn't know yet and sets the dog down before asking why Vision is looking so "formal". Just because you look like you're ready for a hoedown doesn't mean oh, you mean because he's wearing his Paul Bettany face. Never mind. Side note: there's a behind the scenes picture of Paul ripping off the "mask" of his own face to reveal the "Vision" face underneath. It is...distressing. Vision says it's a precaution because he had a hunch somebody might just drop by unexpectedly.

Chrissy: You know, because that was always happening in 80s shows. And usually that somebody was annoying to somebody. Or everybody.
Diandra: [Steve Urkel voice] Did I do that?
Chrissy: Holy shit, girl, don't ever do that again. It's creepy.

Of course, right on cue, Agnes comes right in, carrying a dog house like oversized luggage.

Chrissy: Exactly like that, yes.
Diandra: Go away, Kimmy.

Vision is like 'oh, yeah, and they'll be carrying exactly the thing we need at the moment SOMEHOW like they read it in a script. I forgot about that part.' She says she saw the puppy through her kitchen window and asks if they named him yet.

Diandra: So, like I said, my memory of 80s shows is pretty hazy being that I was only born in the beginning part of the decade. Were the scripts always this hack-y?
Chrissy: Are you asking me? I'm, like, a year older than you.

The dog wanders over to an electrical outlet, sniffing curiously and then running away when it starts sparking and... Okay, so I read three different Wanda and/or Vision comics everyone claimed were the basis for this show. One was The Visions, which is an excellent and pondering Human VS Machine story wherein Vision moves to the suburbs and creates his own synthezoid family. This includes a dog he makes out of what used to be a real dog that dies in this very way. It's a very dark story. Anyway. Here, this just prompts Agnes to suggest they name him Sparky. Ha. Cute. Insert any additional sarcasm needed here.

Wanda conjures up a dog collar while Agnes has her head turned and Vision hisses at her for doing it right in front of people like that. Wanda shrugs that Agnes didn't notice the babies turning into five years olds, so it's not like she's the most observant human. Vision whispers that they AGREED on a certain code of conduct and she's making absolutely no effort to conceal her abilities. She says she's tired of hiding and suggests he doesn't have to either, stroking his face. He is obviously perturbed though and stutters something about them usually being "of the same mind", but..."what aren't you telling me?" Billy distracts them by asking for a yes or no on the whole keeping Sparky thing. Wanda says she and their dad are just not sure they're ready to take care of an animal until they are... "[cough]ten[cough]" Vision prompts. Wanda says ten and the boys look at each other and smile. While Wanda and Vision yelp in protest, they speed grow themselves another five years, somehow growing their clothes along with their bodies. Agnes, who this happened right in front of again, jokes that they better hope the dog doesn't change sizes too.

Chrissy: I mean, we know why this isn't bothering her, but she COULD just be drunk.

Back on the outside, Monica is looking at the whiteboard that is now full of scribbled equations in multiple colors. She concludes that she needs a 10,000 pound fallout shelter made of lead, cadmium and tantalum. On wheels. Which is the only way she could safely re-enter Westview. Darcy sighs heavily and says "theoretically". Monica thinks it's a start. Jimmy comes in with coffee for them and asks what he missed. Darcy recaps that the kids aged up again. They're ten now. Jimmy exclaims that at this rate, Wanda and Vision will "be empty nesters by dinner time." Monica, still looking at the formulas, smiles and announces that she knows an aerospace engineer who could help them with this. Apparently this is where the (possibly returning) loud and demanding fans insisted she could ONLY be referring to [insert character from a completely different part of the MarvelVerse here]. I want to say Reed Richards, aka Mr. Fantastic. Yes, of the Fantastic Four. Because that wouldn't be totally ridiculous to suddenly involve a guy who can Gumby his limbs into this particular story. Anyway.

Darcy says she can't guarantee "the Hex" won't just wipe her memory again the minute she goes in. Monica is like 'the what now? When did we start calling the anomaly that?' Darcy remembers that she's only done this in her head so far and shyly says she calls it The Hex because, you know, it's a hexagon. Monica looks at Jimmy, who just rolls his eyes. Darcy asks if she really wants to go back in there anyway. After everything that happened last time. Monica just says yes like 'end of discussion. Next.' Jimmy has wandered over to the board where they have pictures of everybody and asks if they've identified the minors yet. Like, any version of Wanda's kids. Monica says they are real. It may look fake from out here, but everything going on in The Hex is real. Jimmy says yeah, but she's messing with people's perceptions, making them hallucinate stuff. Darcy agrees that if all the sets and wardrobe were made of solid matter "that would mean she's wielding an insane amount of power." Jimmy agrees it would exceed anything she's been capable of in the past. Monica shrugs and says Wanda could totally have taken out Thanos all by herself if the writers hadn't found reasons to stop her. Sorry, if Thanos "hadn't initiated a blitz." Because nobody else came as close. Jimmy mutters that Captain Marvel came close. Yep. And was similarly hamstrung. Noticing a pattern yet? Darcy notes that Captain Marvel's powers came from an infinity stone too, right? Monica redirects like 'why are we talking about Carol now? We need to focus on Wanda.' She takes down a picture, obviously getting an idea, and says about that whole props and sets and costumes thing..."where's the lab?"

She leads them to the science lab, directly to her 70s costume that's pinned to some sort of board. She yanks Jimmy's gun right out of its holster, belatedly asking if she can borrow it and just shooting at the ugly ass pants. Jimmy apparently figures out what she's doing. He goes to pick up the smashed bullets from the floor and remembers aloud that she had a bullet proof vest when she went through the barrier. Monica is like yep, and the pants are "87% Kevlar" according to this monitor over here. Wanda isn't creating illusions, she's altering reality. "If she's changing things as they go into the Hex, what happens if we send in something that requires no change?"

While they're thinking about that, we return to the inside, where Vision is at the 80s version of the Computational Services building. Everyone now has "television typewriters" on their desks. Yes, this is what some books from this period described them as. And that's literally what they look like.

Chrissy: Except televisions had more colors than green by this point.
Diandra: God yes. The boxy green pixels.

Norm is expositing that these newfangled things are a typewriter, rolodex and calendar all rolled into one. He jokingly asks what else it can do. "Find me a wife?" Vision possibly breaks the fourth wall a little by saying that they will "eventually". Then he walks over and offers to help Norm surf the internet. He pushes a key and the computer makes some bleating and whining noises familiar to anyone who remembers dial up. Text announces that it is connected and there is one (1) new electronic mail. Norm fishes out a letter opener because it's the 80s and he doesn't understand e-mail yet.

Vision taps a key and text identifying itself as a top secret SWORD Communique displays. "Dr. Darcy Lewis' findings regarding Maximoff Anomaly. High levels of radiation present at perimeter. Effect on Westview residents unknown. Please advise," it says. Norm starts reading it out loud and everyone else in the office starts saying the words in unison like we're in a horror movie and they're all being used as a supernatural speaker or something. Vision is understandably alarmed. They finish reading and laugh. Norm asks what they should reply because Vision is the funny one and that was obviously a joke of some sort. Vision touches the monitor and it turns dark. "None of it is real," Norm continues, possibly desperately trying to send a message. Getting an idea, Vision touches Norm's temples and he gasps and seems to wake out of a stupor, begging Vision to help him. "What day is it? How long has it been? Where's my phone? I have to call my sister! She's taking care of our dad. He's sick." Vision, not quite understanding what's going on, asks Norm to calm down and back up a bit. Norm grabs him by the lapels and growls that he HAS to stop her. "She's in my head. None of it is my own. It hurts." He starts yelling at Vision to "make her stop" and Vision panics and touches his temples again. He snaps back immediately, joking about where one would put a stamp on an email. The audience laughs like...how big a gap was there just now?

Back home, Billy is showing off the tricks he's taught Sparky already to Wanda and Tommy. They applaud and Tommy says they should go show dad. Wanda says dad is at work. The boys look confused and Billy says today is Saturday. Oops. Apparently Wanda thinks it's Monday. When she realizes the mistake, she tries to adjust by saying there was an emergency and they called Vision in. The boys look at each other in confusion. She flails a bit more, saying Vision needed a distraction. They think he's escaping from them. She pulls them to the sofa for one of those "talks" like their marriage is on the skids and she has to explain to them that some mommys and daddys don't live in the same house. But she assures them it is a temporary thing. Like them getting into a fight over their toys or something isn't going to change the fact that they are brothers because "family is forever."

Chrissy: God, I'm getting flashbacks of, like, every show from this era.
Diandra: All of them. Yes.

And then Tommy asks if she has a brother and she blinks like she wasn't expecting that. She says yes, but he's "far away from here."

Chrissy: At a farm upstate. Sparky can join him one day.

Speaking of Sparky, he suddenly leaps off Billy's lap and goes to the door growling. Tommy says something is "scaring him". Wanda numbly tells them to stay put and goes to open the door, the dog running right out. The boys ignore their orders and run after him.

From the outside, Monica flies a drone that they were able to scrape together using parts from the 80s. Somehow. Hayward looks at the suburban town she's flying it over on the screen and asks if they can still sharpen the image somehow even with the old tech. Over with the broadcast screens, Jimmy notes that they can't see the drone from here even if the visuals they're getting from it match the broadcast because Wanda is "framing it out of the shot." Darcy realizes this tracks with all the jumpy cuts because she's editing out things she decides won't be in the show. Monica hovers the drone in front of Wanda and, through some speakers on it, introduces herself and says she just wants to talk. Wanda's eyes start glowing red and Monica announces that her controls aren't working. Hayward says screw the controls, shoot her. Monica splutters that the drone isn't weaponized and what the hell, dude? He repeats the order to another guy in the corner and the screen goes to static. Monica spins on him and asks what the fuck he just did. An alarm goes off again and somebody announces that there's another perimeter breach. Amid the chaos, Monica notices that the screen with the broadcast is showing a test pattern like the stations used to do when they didn't have any actual show to put on.

Everyone scrambles to the edge of the Hex and a bunch of rifles aim at one point where it's kind of fuzzing. Wanda steps out, looking like she did in the last Avengers and dragging the drone behind her. It is sparking with red energy. She marches right up to Hayward despite all the little green dots trained on her chest and throws the drone at his feet. "Is this yours?" Hayward says the missile was a precaution that she can hardly blame them for taking. She says she can, actually, and this will be their only warning. "Stay out of my home. You don't bother me, I won't bother you." Hayward points out that it's not like she's alone in there. She's taken the whole town hostage. She argues that she's not the one with the guns. Monica says she's in control though. Wanda notes that "Geraldine" is still here and starts forming a ball of energy in one hand. Monica apologizes that she didn't know the drone was armed. And she's pretty sure Wanda knows that because she is telepathic and she still brought a SWORD agent into her home and trusted her to help deliver her babies. "On some level, Wanda, you know I am an ally. I wanna help you." Wanda asks how she could possibly help. Specifically, she asks what she can "offer". Monica asks what she wants. Wanda says she already has it and nobody is going to take it from her again. She spins the ball of energy and all the agents with guns on her go red-eyed for a second, then turn their sights on Hayward while she just stalks back into the Hex, pausing to do something to it that turns it red and opaque.

Chrissy: Yep, she could have taken Thanos.
Diandra: And everybody knows it. But the acknowledgment is nice.

Commercial time. Commercial lady's mixed race kids spill juice all over the kitchen table and she swoops in to mop it up. Except as the voiceover lady notes: she's not using the "good" brand of paper towel so it isn't absorbing it all. There's a side-by-side of some towels mopping up some spills of red liquid, labeled "leading brand" and "Lagos brand", which of course absorbs the entire spill. So when commercial guy - whose hair appears to have been fluffed and sprayed - spills his beer later, commercial lady confidently hands him a couple towels while voiceover lady giggles that husbands can use them too. Because that sexist bullshit was still a thing in the 80s. The final screen with the logo and the hand mopping up a spill to leave the background shiny is accompanied by the slogan "Lagos. For when you make a mess you didn't mean to."

Chrissy: And even the people who don't recognize that name are going 'that sounds like it's about something else.'

It's hard to tell what everyone else was doing while Wanda was taking that little field trip outside the Hex, but she's back now, with the kids, roaming the street looking for Sparky. Dennis the mailman (remember him?) assures them that he'll turn up because their mom won't let him get far.

Chrissy: You're losing control of your puppets, Wanda.

The boys see some movement in a bush and get excited that it's Sparky. And it is, but...the movement is Agnes pulling him out and wrapping him in a blanket. She apologetically says she didn't want to bring him to them until she had wrapped him up. She found him in the azalea bushes where he'd obviously eaten a lot of the leaves already and it was too late to save him. The boys look at each other sniffling. Wanda hurries to stop them from aging themselves up again. "The urge to run from this feeling is powerful. I know." Billy says it's too sad. Tommy begs her to fix it because she can fix anything. Agnes asks if she can really do that. Wanda kneels in front of the boys and explains to soft music that there are rules in life. They can't just rush the aging process whenever it's convenient and they can't reverse death.

Chrissy: Unless you have the time stone.
Diandra: Which nobody does anymore.
Chrissy: Pffffftttt. We're talking about multiple universes now. Someone somewhere does.

Agnes is crying too. "Some things are forever," Wanda concludes. Billy reminds Wanda that she said FAMILY was one of those things. Tommy adds that Sparky was part of their family and begs her to bring him back. Vision wanders up just then to ask who they're talking about bringing back now.

Chrissy: Not you! Because that would just be crazy! Hahahaha...

He sees the bundle in Agnes' arms and goes to hug the kids.

Chrissy: So should we wait to address the fact that Agnes and the kids all think Wanda is capable of resurrection or...
Diandra: You mean whether or not it shows that they are aware of what is going on outside?
Chrissy: Well, if Wanda is controlling the dialogue and she knows (getting ahead of the story here) that she didn't actually resurrect Vision's dead body, then who is controlling the dialogue here? Does she know that's what they're talking about on the outside and is trying to send a message that she can't actually do that?
Diandra: Or is it just the writers doing an 80s episode dialogue while simultaneously trying not to let on that the whole "she stole the body and resurrected it" thing was a mislead? Notice she doesn't confirm she has that power and in fact seems to be suggesting she doesn't. Let's put a pin in that because I'm pretty sure we'll come back to it later.

That evening, Wanda is putting toys away in a basket when Vision comes into the kitchen (which is where all the toys are for some reason). He washes his hands at the sink while he asks how the kids are doing. She says heartbroken, but they'll be okay. Because death is a thing children need to learn how to cope with eventually and trying to shelter them from it by freaking out about characters dying in Disney movies does them no favors.

Chrissy: Very specific argument that you've obviously made before.
Diandra: Sorry.

He numbly notes that they got a dog and buried it in the same day. Wanda just shrugs that "life moves pretty fast out in the suburbs."

He's obviously trying to figure out how to go about this discussion. He finally decides to just blurt out that he spoke to Norm and "I unearthed the man's suppressed personality and I spoke to him free of your oversight. He was in pain, Wanda." She scoffs and tries to redirect. "Can we just..." "What," he asks. "Watch TV? Turn in for the night so that you can change everything over again?" He says she can't control him the way she does everyone else. She cocks her head and says "can't I?" The audience applauds like they're watching a completely different scene (and they might be) and the credits start rolling, but they're still arguing. She says she's going to bed. He yells that they aren't finished here. "What is the Maximoff Anomaly?" He waves around the room in general and says he believes that whatever this all is was a product of her subconscious that she only recently became aware of.

She runs into the living room, the credits and appearance of the 80s episode fuzzing with static and disappearing as we cut to follow. Vision chases after her, fully in robot look again, yelling that Norm has a FAMILY that he can't reach because of her. She says she doesn't know what he's talking about and he gets so mad that he levitates. She levitates herself, mirroring him, and says all of this has been for them and he should let her "handle it". He asks what's outside the town border. She says he doesn't want to know. He snaps that she doesn't get to make choices for him. She shakes her head and says he's never talked to her like this before. "Before WHAT," he shrieks. "I can't remember my life before Westview! I don't know who I am!" She says he's her husband and the twins' father and "isn't that enough?" He calms and comes back down. Then he thinks to ask why there are no other children in the town. She says there are. He says no, because he passes an empty playground on his walk to work every day. "Do you really think that I am controlling everything? That I am somehow in charge of EVERYBODY in Westview? I'm walking their dogs? Mowing their lawns? Getting them to dentist appointments on time," she rants, flopping on the couch. She says she doesn't know how any of this started. Which is quite possibly a way of admitting that SHE isn't the one really in control, but he seems to take it as confirmation of his theory that she has only become recently aware of everything. He crouches beside her and gently says that what she is doing is WRONG.

They are interrupted by the doorbell ringing. She looks startled. He deflates like 'guess you're forcing us back onto script then'. She looks him in the eye and says she did NOT do that. He obviously doesn't believe her. He says he wants to, but "at this point I'm ignoring statistics entirely." The doorbell rings again, so she wipes her eyes and goes to answer it. She gapes, wide-eyed at the person on the doorstep, but we don't see anything but her yet.

We smash back to the lab, where Darcy is just returning to the monitor to find this frozen image of Wanda so we can bounce back and forth between the reveal and her reaction.

Vision asks who it is. We pan back from Wanda's face to show the back of what is obviously Quicksilver's head. Except it's not the same Quicksilver who was killed by Ultron in the MCU. The audience cheers as Evan Peters steps inside and asks if the "long lost bro" can get a hug from his sister. He's really playing up his American accent and the line is probably meant to be a cue so Wanda knows who he is because he looks absolutely nothing like Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Maybe the hair. A little.

In the tent, Darcy mutters that Wanda "recast Pietro."

Wanda looks at Vision, still confused, and asks "Pietro?" NewPietro just wags his head like 'that was your cue. Are we still on script?' She hugs him, crying. He asks who the "popsicle" is, gesturing at Vision. The audience laughs like 'oh, that's SO Pietro...probably' and we smash to the Please Stand By screen.

Now. A lot of fanboys got really excited by that for all the wrong reasons. I understood it in the context of the rest of this ode to American sitcoms where somebody gets recast and everyone pretends it's still the same character. Making the fact that they got the guy who plays the same character in the X-Men movies a fun little in-joke of a sort. An acknowledgment that even though the X-Men and the MCU were two separate movie franchises until very recently, thanks to the loophole that both Maximoff's were both mutants and Avengers at some point, the characters could exist in both even though the X-Men never had a Wanda. I cackled and texted Emilio with "haha wrong Quicksilver" after we saw it. The best response I saw online was this:

But far too many fanboys took it as a sign that the franchises were merging now and this meant we would see more X-Men in the MCU, despite the fact that Evan Peters Quicksilver is in the First Class series that takes place in the 70s so unless time travel is involved or he doesn't age...it can't possibly be the same Quicksilver.

Chrissy: We had that discussion in "Deadpool 2".
Diandra: Exactly. And we determined that it didn't matter that the timelines were wonky there because it was "Deadpool" and it was clearly MEANT to be an in-joke and nothing more.
Chrissy: Yeah, but we're talking about people who have been waiting with baited breath for the X-Men to be brought into the MCU, so.
Diandra: And we're also talking about the idiots who say they are most looking forward to Chris Hemsworth's return in Thor 4 which alsostarsNataliePortmaniguessbutwhatever.
Chrissy: ..............wow, I am not looking forward to the reviews for that movie when they figure out what it's actually about.
Diandra: I know.

It probably doesn't help that one of the comics this show draws from is House of M, where Wanda has a mental breakdown and creates an alternate reality where she and Vision just had twins and everyone is happy. Both Professor X and Doctor Strange try to get through to her in a joint X-Men/Avengers (because she is both) effort to stop her from destroying actual reality with her delusions. And everyone was pretty sure Doctor Strange was going to make an appearance in this series (more on that later). But aside from the premise, this show is actually nothing like that comic. Just like it really is nothing like the Vision comic I mentioned earlier, even if they did make reference to it.

Chrissy: Okay, so do we address the hints that she's not really the one doing any of this now, or wait until we find out who is? And can we acknowledge that we already know who that is?
Diandra: I think we can, but only because we all know that plot twist by now. It isn't at all obvious at this point just watching the episodes. Except I forget where Wanda's control ends and hers begins, so we can play dumb for a while longer.
Chrissy: Do you really want me to say the response to that that's in my head right now?
Diandra: [sarcastically] Haha. You're funny. Must be why I keep asking you to do these things.

Episode 6: "All-New Halloween Spooktacular!" (or: Billy in the Middle)

As I said, I'm sure a lot of people's nostalgia kicked in on this episode. And I should have been one of them because the 90s are when I was finally old enough to actually remember all the media I was consuming. Except in my case, that media was "Friends", "Quantum Leap" and a LOT of movies. Mostly Mel Brooks comedies, I think. I never watched the show this episode is primarily based on: "Malcolm in the Middle". So, like the 70s episode, I really only know anything about this by osmosis.

The previouslies include the scene from "Age of Ultron" where Quicksilver took all those bullets and died. And yes, his hair is the same.

We start with the credit theme this time and I definitely need to point out the lyrics this time. "Don't try to fight the chaos. Don't question what you've done. The game can try to play us. Don't let it stop the fun. Some days it's all confusion. But if it's all illusion, sit back and enjoy the show. Let's keep it going through each distorted day." Agnes and Quicksilver are both in the credits now.

The actual episode begins with an establishing shot of a lighted ghost decoration before Billy comes down the stairs of the 90s version of the living room wearing the comics outfit for his character, Wiccan. Billy talks directly to the camera about how Halloween is a magical holiday where you get to be somebody else for the day.

Chrissy: And if you're REALLY into it, you can grow up to be an actor and do it every day of the year!

He crosses into the kitchen, where Tommy - who is wearing regular clothes - is getting milk out of the fridge and argues that Halloween is all about CANDY, actually. And scaring people.

Chrissy: Tommy will not be not one of those kids.
Diandra: Although he could be the next Stephen King.

Billy asks where Tommy's costume is. Tommy says this IS his costume. "I'm the cool twin." Billy scoops something into a couple bowls, which they carry back to the living room where Pietro is now snoring on the couch. Tommy gushes that he even SNORES cool.

Chrissy: No. No, he doesn't.

He says he's going to wake him up. Billy stops him. We switch to an angle that puts Pietro in the foreground so we can see his eyes open as Tommy says Billy is just afraid that the fact that he's sleeping at four in the afternoon might mean he's secretly a vampire. Pietro speeds himself off the couch right next to them and yells "blood is thicker than water!" They shriek and run around the couch while he runs circles around them.

Wanda, in the ridiculous Scarlet Witch costume from the comics, comes down the stairs yelling that somebody had better be bleeding or on fire or something to justify all that screaming.

Chrissy: Yeah, the parenting strategies highlighted in various eras of television changed over time too.

Billy asks what her costume is, "old red riding hood?" Pietro snorts and she says she's a Sokovian fortune teller, actually. Pietro says that's lame.

Chrissy: I mean that description you just gave is lame. OBVIOUSLY you're some sort of old comic book character.

He says it's worse than what mom made them the year they got typhus. Which prompts a flashback of two children trick-or-treating in an eastern European country. Little Wanda has some antenae attached to a headband and Little Pietro has an eye patch. A little old lady gives them a dead fish and tells them they have to share it. Back in the present, Wanda says that's not how she remembered that going. Pietro says that's because she repressed a lot of trauma. Not the trauma of their parents dying from a bomb emblazoned with Tony Stark's name that trapped them under rubble for hours, but...hey.

Over to the side, Billy tells the audience that mom has been acting weird since Uncle Pietro came for a visit. Probably just because she hasn't seen him in a long time. Yeah, that must be it. Also, "he's what you'd call a 'man-child'." And then Vision comes down in his costume that is totally a homage to his comics look with an expression like 'much as I appreciate not having to wear my Paul Bettany face because Halloween, I could have done without this green and gold eyesore.' Pietro tries to guess what he is supposed to be. "Traffic light? Half-shucked corn?" Vision finally agrees that yes, he is a booger, possibly just to shut him up. Wanda thanks him for playing along and wearing that ridiculous thing. He mutters that there weren't any other clothes in the closet. Then he seems to kick back into character and jokes about her having a thing for Mexican wrestling. Because that's what this is, right? She says she loves him in Spanish. He replies "chili con carne."

Chrissy: No, you won't need your safeword until later, honey.
Diandra: Isn't that a terrible safeword?
Chrissy: Eh, I've heard worse.

Then he turns to the kids and asks who's ready for a hit of high fructose corn syrup. They're too busy playing a video game with Pietro and don't respond. Vision mutters out of the corner of his mouth that Wanda never really told him about her brother. All three children pop cans of soda and chug them down in one go. But he's great with kids, Vision adds. He wishes Wanda luck and heads for the door. She's like wait, why are you wearing the costume if you're not coming with us? He says since Halloween is a "bacchanal for adolescent trouble makers" he's doing his duty as a member of the neighborhood watch to keep those hooligans from papering the trees. She pouts that he didn't tell her he had other plans. Billy explains to the camera that this is the other thing that has been "different" lately. But they're not really fighting.

Wanda snaps that it's the boys' first Halloween and unlike most first Halloweens they are old enough to remember it, so he HAS to be there. Pietro sidles up and assures her that if the kids just need a father figure for the night, he can step up. Vision is happy to let him do that. He says goodbye to the kids, kisses Wanda on the cheek and pointedly tells her to "be good". After he leaves, Pietro asks where they keep the water balloons for these cans of shaving cream he has ready to go. She makes a face and he points to the kid just coming over and says it was Billy's idea. "I'm Tommy," Tommy whines.

Chrissy: Sorry, you look not at all alike, so it was an honest mistake.
Diandra: I just got here! What do you want from me?!

Wanda points out that he doesn't have a costume. He grabs Tommy's hand, zips them out the door and returns a second later with near matching outfits. And I don't know who "Speed" is in the comics, but it probably makes sense that he would look like Quicksilver.

Chrissy: God, the ripped jean shorts. Ugh.

Wanda says ugh, FINE. But "this is a respectable family. If I see any funny business I am going to magic you into a pickled herring."

Outside the Hex, guys in hazmat suits bring the drone Wanda returned last week into the lab. Hayward orders a "full workup" of it in less than an hour. Monica is chasing after him, yelling that he really fucked their chances by sending in a missile like that. Hayward shrugs that they "know who we're dealing with" now. As he marches past Darcy and Jimmy, Darcy sneers that he almost got shot down by his own "murder squad". Hayward sneeringly asks which of the two women is "the sassy best friend". Jimmy steps in before somebody throws a punch to point out that he's starting a war he can't possibly win. Hayward shrugs that he never planned on negotiating with Wanda. She's a terrorist, remember? The plan is to take her down and end "this whole nightmare." Monica protests that they don't KNOW what would happen if Wanda were to die right now. "We can't outgun her. And clearly antagonizing her is only making things worse. If Wanda is the problem, she has to be our solution." Hayward decides that Monica is just getting in the way of the mission because her history with Carol Danvers makes her biased toward the supers. Then he starts a rant about people like her who disappeared for five years and have NO IDEA what it took to keep things running. She accuses him of using the gap years as "an excuse to be a coward." Hayward goes for the low blow then, saying it's probably just as well she wasn't there when her mom died because she is NOT up to the job she would have inherited. He orders her, Darcy and Jimmy off the base.

As they're being escorted out, Jimmy makes noise about Hayward overstepping his authority here. Monica just thinks he was waiting for any opportunity to kick them out because he's up to something. Jimmy punches the guard trying to put him in the truck suddenly and Monica takes the cue to join him. They take out the guards while Darcy watches, wide eyed, then yelps that they didn't tell her that was the plan. They hide the guards in the back of a truck and steal their SWORD ponchos.

Back on the inside, all the kids who have been conspicuously absent until now are on the streets trick-or-treating. Tommy tells the camera that it is "game time". Billy reminds him that this isn't a competition. Tommy says it is if you win and races off. Pietro yells after them to "unleash hell, demon spawn," which is definitely a nod to their origin in the comics.

Chrissy: Just the comics?
Diandra: No idea.

Now that the adult twins are alone, Wanda decides to take the opportunity to test NewPietro's memories. She asks what the name of the kid who was always trying to steal his boots at the orphanage was. He's like 'yeah, that's obviously a test. Which is understandable since I look so different.' She asks WHY he looks different.

Chrissy: The other guy wasn't available.

He implies that she did it so he wouldn't remind her so much of the past. The boys return before he can say anything else and he offers to speed up their candy acquisition, doing a little call and response of the lines from "Top Gun" before he takes them on a superspeed run.

Wanda finds Herb dressed as Frankenstein's monster and asks how the neighborhood patrol thing is going. He says fine, but he gets notification on his comm just then that all the candy has disappeared. Pietro and the kids zip by behind him, stealing loot from all the other kids. They repeat this little pre-notification act while the boys smash jack-o-lanterns and cover everyone in silly string. Wanda looks nervous and suggests Vision can help him with...that. Herb says Vision isn't on duty tonight. Wanda looks distressed as she realizes he lied to her and she has no idea what he's doing.

Elsewhere in the town, Vision is going down a less crowded street and finds a couple in front of their house, going through repetitive motions of putting out Halloween decorations but not quite getting it like broken robots. As he frowns at them, a tear spills down the woman's cheek.

And now we get the commercial that gave me the blast of nostalgia that the rest of this episode didn't. A claymation of a kid on a tiny desert island announces that he is HUNGRY. An anthropomorphic shark surfs up onto the beach and shoves a package of "Yo-Magic" yogurt in his face. He flips back into the water, leaving the kid with the yogurt. Except instead of the way this commercial would typically end with the kid happily eating the yogurt and riding the shark's back or something, he struggles to open it but proves to be too weak. A bunch of time goes by in quick flashes as he wastes away and turns into a skeleton. So...dies. The voiceover cheerfully declares "Yo-Magic" to be the snack for survivors like it is blissfully unaware of what just happened.

Chrissy: Or...like...he wasn't a survivor?
Diandra: It's dark anyway. Which I suppose could be a slight nod to the comics of the era that all tried really dark, gritty storylines at the same time. But still.

It's night now and the two twins are standing outside a theater showing "The Incredibles" and "Parent Trap", neither of which are from the 90s (well, maybe the remake of Parent Trap is, but I don't acknowledge it), so this is obviously just an in-joke. Pietro mutters about how lame it is that Wanda is making the kids return all the candy they stole. She snaps that he's a terrible influence. He asks who "beefed in your borscht." He breaks the fourth wall a bit by saying he's just doing what he's supposed to be doing: "come to town unexpectedly, create tension with the brother-in-law, stir up trouble with the rugrats and, ultimately, give you grief." Isn't that what she wanted? Instead of answering, she asks what happened to his accent. He asks what happened to hers. Then he says he doesn't really know what happened, he just remembers getting shot in the street for no reason and then hearing her calling him. Because she needed him.

The kids come back to announce that there's a house up the street giving away whole candy bars. Billy asks if they can go. Tommy just zips there and comes back with whole bars of chocolate. Everybody realizes he just did that on his own without Pietro's help, so he's manifesting his own superspeed. He gets excited and starts pinballing up and down the street at high speed until he gets close enough for Wanda to catch him. She says if he's going to do that he should at least take his brother with him. Just don't go past Ellis Avenue. They are already aware of this rule and assure her they will be good before zipping off.

Back on the outside, the Three Musketeers sneak into a lab that has some monitors showing the conversation we just saw. Monica asks who the new guy is. Jimmy fills her in on the whole twin brother returning thing and Darcy grumbles that he came back with the wrong face though. She grabs a laptop and hacks into the secure server so she can get the data from Hayward's computer. She immediately finds some sort of satellite image of the Hex with a bunch of dots inside. She says Hayward found a way to look in that he didn't tell anyone else about. Jimmy points at the blinking dot and asks if it's Wanda. Darcy says no, it's tracing Vibranium decay, so...it's Vision. Monica asks why Hayward would be tracking him. Darcy has no clue. Jimmy notes that the dots around him are other town residents, so Hayward must know exactly how many people are in the town now. He expands part of the image and notes that the dots at the edge of the town aren't moving. He wonders if they're alive. The tracking software recenters on Vision, who is headed for one of those edges.

Inside, Vision finds a little cul-de-sac that seems to have been forgotten. Everyone is frozen in place. He tries to talk to a woman who looks like she's waiting for her kids to hit up one of the houses, but she doesn't respond at all or seem to register him. He ditches the ridiculous 90s version of his costume for the less gaudy present version and flies up to hover over the town. He scans the streets and the edge of the Hex and zeroes in on a car way at the edge with its headlights on, frozen at a stop sign. He flies to it and finds Agnes behind the wheel in a witch's costume. Ha. He asks what she's doing here. She asks for directions to town square, staring straight ahead like she's only sort of registering him. She says she took a wrong turn and got lost. "In the town you grew up in," he asks.

Chrissy: Did she? Are you sure?
Diandra: Yeah, it was easy to not notice the first time around that they never mentioned her when they were pulling details on everyone's real identities. Now...

She just stares vacantly, teary eyed. So Vision reaches to touch her. She jolts and identifies him as one of the Avengers. She grabs his hands and asks if he's here to help them. He says he wants to help, but "what's an Avenger?" She doesn't understand how he doesn't know that and asks if she's dead. He asks why she would think that. "Because you are." Vision decides this is going nowhere and tells her he's trying to reach the people outside of Westview in the hopes of making sense of all of this.

Chrissy: Assuming they know any more than you do.

She doesn't know how he's going to do that because nobody can leave. "Wanda won't even let us think about it." She starts laughing like a crazy person and he touches her head again so she goes back under. He vows to "fix this" and she says "okey-dokey" and makes a u-turn, heading back into town.

Chrissy: And that whole conversation hits different upon rewatching.
Diandra: Yeah, it's getting harder to pretend we don't know who she really is.

We zoom in on the street sign over the stop sign Agnes was stopped at. It's the street Wanda warned the kids against going past. Vision marches across it toward the crackling dome in the distance that is still mostly invisible from this side.

Outside, Darcy is pulling up Monica's FBI file when Monica's phone rings. Monica says it's the guy who's going to help her get back in the Hex, saying he'll be there in an hour. Darcy says she can't go back in though. Monica asks what's the worst that can happen. Wanda puts her back under and turns her kevlar into low rise jeans this time? Darcy says she found Monica's bloodwork on Hayward's computer. It shows that the Hex energy "re-wrote your cells on a molecular level twice", once for each time she crossed the barrier. Monica brushes this off because...she saw bloodwork millions of times when her mom was being treated for cancer. Which is a pretty weak argument. She says the bottom line is that she understands what Wanda is going through and she is determined to help her. Darcy sighs and relents, but says she's going to stay right here because she's pretty sure Hayward has something big hidden behind this last firewall she's trying to get through. Monica agrees reluctantly, but tells her to meet them as soon as she can.

On the inside, Wanda and Pietro reach the little festival going on in the town square, which Pietro says is charming. Wanda says he might think she's gone "full soccer mom", but it's nice, right? They sit on a hay bale and he says mom and dad would have liked it. Then Pietro asks where all these kids running around were hiding up until now. "I assume they were all just sleeping peacefully in their beds. No need to traumatize beyond the occasional holiday episode cameo, am I right?" She splutters and he says it's fine, she's handled the ethical quandaries of this whole thing very well. She kept couples together and most people aren't playing anything wildly divergent from their real personalities. In fact, some of them got better jobs than they had before. She asks if he doesn't think it's wrong. He's impressed. "It's a pretty big leap from giving people nightmares and shooting red wiggly woos out of your hands."

Chrissy: Oh, thanks. Now I'm going to have that description in my head going forward.
Diandra: You know that's probably how somebody in post described it.

He says seriously, he's not a stranger and he's not her husband, so she can tell him: how did she do all of this? She looks a bit distressed as she admits that she doesn't know. One minute she was all alone and feeling "endless nothingness" and then... she gags as Pietro suddenly turns into his corpse the way Vision did a couple episodes back. He asks if she's okay and she tries to brush it off.

Outside, Darcy successfully opens a classified weapons file titled "Cataract".

Chrissy: Ha. Haha.
Diandra: Yeah, that will make sense later.
Chrissy: Oh, it makes sense NOW, it's just a really dumb joke.

"Hayward, you sneaky bastard," she mutters. The tracker flashes and recenters again as Vision gets closer to the barrier and she frowns at it.

Inside, Vision pauses in front of the crackling wall before he starts pushing through it. He is met on the other side by a bunch of agents, some armed, some wearing hazmat suits. Darcy runs up to see what's going on, hanging around in back of everyone else. Hayward watches Vision struggle to break free of the pull of the Hex and concludes that he really wants to get out. Vision collapses to his knees as chunks of him break off and fly back into the Hex. Darcy seems to realize what's going on and runs over, shrieking at the agents to help him because he's "coming apart".

Inside, Billy is starting to manifest powers now. He can hear Hayward's line about Vision wanting out and Vision screaming in pain. He runs to tell mom that dad is in trouble.

Outside, an agent cuffs Darcy to a truck. Vision holds out a hand that is losing fingers as he's still being sucked back into the Hex. He struggles to yell that "the people" need help. Then he collapses to the ground.

Inside, Wanda asks Billy where Vision is. Pietro shrugs and jokes that she shouldn't worry because it's not like he can die a second time. She gets mad and sends a blast of energy into his chest, shooting him across the square into a haystack. Nobody seems to notice but the kids. She coaches Billy to focus and he closes his eyes and says he can see soldiers who seem to think Vision is dying. She makes a gesture that freezes everyone around them in place. Then her eyes turn red and a blast of energy emanates from her.

Wherever Jimmy and Monica are headed in a truck, they notice that the wall of the Hex seems to be expanding toward them and drive faster, trying to outrun it.

Hayward figures it out too and orders the soldiers to fall back. Darcy and the jeep she is cuffed to are just left there while the wall sweeps over Vision, her and everyone else who isn't fast enough to escape. We pan inward as a hovering helicopter is turned into a hot air balloon and all the tents and vehicles are turned into a traveling circus, the agents turning into various performers like clowns and mimes. The truck containing Hayward just escapes the expanding bubble and he tries to radio any of his agents at all, but nobody replies.

The red leaves Wanda's eyes and we go to the stand by screen.

Chrissy: So that suggests that Wanda is able to hear some of what's going on outside, right? It can't be a coincidence that this seems to be based on the "clown car" thing Darcy said earlier.
Diandra: You mean like it can't be a coincidence that Pietro has Evan Peters' face?
Chrissy: Eh...right. Never mind. Next question: you seem to recognize everyone else, so you know who Billy is, right?
Diandra: Wiccan, yeah. Though I'm not really clear on how he can be a real boy in the future if, as you pointed out, he was made out of shards of the devil. I just know I read a comic that involved gathering all the Sorcerer Supreme's across all of time and he was the one furthest in the future, identified as the most powerful of all of them. And before you ask, that's literally all I remember about that comic.
Chrissy: Yeah, well...I wouldn't expect anything less from your swiss cheese memory.
Diandra: Are you intentionally referencing one of the 90s shows I was watching instead of this one?
Chrissy: Hmm. Fitting on many levels, isn't it?

Chrissy: So I guess since we made it this far and the reveal is in the next episode, we can wait to talk about Agatha/Agnes until we get to it now.
Diandra: Yeah. That was a thing I knew nothing about on first view. I didn't know who that character was and in the three comics I have since read I think she was only briefly in the one nobody suggested reading to prepare for watching the show and it was obvious the reader was supposed to know who she was already. So...everything I know about her is pretty much from this show. In other news, I just realized something I neglected to note with this last episode. One of the things that makes it look like a 90s episode. The 90s were when sitcoms officially lost their live audience and therefore the dreaded laugh track. For something some people seem to have absolutely no tolerance for, it's absence is actually a very recent development.
Chrissy: You also didn't note that we did the 80s episode immediately after Bob Sagat's sudden death.
Diandra: Yeah. It kind of made the nostalgia especially bittersweet doing it on the tails of the loss of America's TV dad. Rest in peace, Bob. Though knowing your brand of humor when you weren't doing a wholesome family sitcom, your version of heaven wouldn't be "peaceful" exactly. I'm sure you and Betty White are having a blast, probably stuffing money into g-strings, wherever you are.