Loki part 2

"Loki" Episodes 4, 5 & 6

Starring: Tom Hiddleston, Owen Wilson, Sophia Di Martino, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Wunmi Mosaku, Richard E. Grant, Jack Veal, Deobia Oparei, the voice of Tara Strong, Jonathan Majors, Neil Ellice, Eugene Cordero, Cailey Fleming

Episode 4: The Nexus Event

The previouslies are mostly about the revelation that the TVA employees are all Variants who had their minds wiped of any prior existence. The music accompanying the apocalyptic stuff that we ended on sounds almost Irish.

But before we continue with that story, we go back to Asgard. Not the one we know, however. Little Sylvie is playing with some action figures, narrating a story about Valkyrie defeating a dragon and saving Asgard when a TVA door appears behind her. Renslayer - apparently back when she was just an agent and not a judge - identifies Sylvie as the variant and they take her into custody for "crimes against the Sacred Timeline."

Chrissy: Yeah, that's not messed up at all.

We skim through her going through all the steps our Loki did in the first episode, but before the judge can actually talk to her, she stomps on Ravonna's foot and twists out of her grip. Ravonna realizes too late that Sylvie lifted her temp pad and Sylvie escapes through a doorway before anyone can stop her.

In the present, Ravonna takes a deep breath and steps off the elevator into a smoke filled room. The smoke clears just enough to see three enormous figures on some sort of podium seats at the other end. And we go to the title card.

And we're back with Mobius as Ravonna returns from that little meeting, apparently. He asks if she's okay. She rants that of course she isn't because it's always "jarring" to speak to the Time Keepers. He says they can't possibly blame her for what happened. She says yes, they do. The Variant was right under their noses and could have gotten to the Time Keepers, but ended up just escaping with the other Variant Mobius has a crush on or something which is ALMOST AS BAD. She spews some bullshit about how hard it is to keep the timeline stable and the Time Keepers being the only thing standing between them and chaos.

Chrissy: Well, then you should have expected interference from the God of Chaos.

Diandra: That is literally the premise of the show. What if there was this organization that existed to create order and we threw Loki into it?

Mobius says yeah, he wants to help, but he needs to talk to C-20 if they're going to find the variants. Find out what she meant by "it's real" and if she knows anything else. Ravonna hisses that C-20 is dead. Mobius asks when the hell that happened. Ravonna says the variant scrambled her mind and by the time she got back to the TVA she "could barely speak" and declined rapidly. But they haven't told anyone about it yet because they don't want a panic. Mobius promises not to tell anyone. Ravonna hisses that he better find those Variants because having them just run around out there somewhere is dangerous.

Chrissy: Meh, right now they're more a danger to each other.

Lamentis. The city is on fire and chunks of rock are raining down constantly and the entire sky is taken up by the descending planet. Loki finds Sylvie sitting on a rock just staring into space. He sighs and joins her. "I'm sorry," he says.

Emilio: Yeah, you should be.
Chrissy: Is the tendency for plans to turn to shit common for all Loki variants, or...
Emilio: Just the dumber ones.

She starts talking about her distant memories of life on Asgard and takes a sudden philosophical turn. "The universe wants to break free, so it manifests chaos." Her very existence is one of those instances of chaos and as soon as it was chaotic ENOUGH to disrupt the TVAs precious Sacred Timeline, they arrested her. Which didn't take all that long since as we saw she was maybe ten. She escaped with a temp pad and had to keep running because everywhere she went she created new Nexus events that alerted the TVA. "Because I'm not supposed to exist." Eventually, she figured out she could hide at the end of the world and grew up hopping from one apocalypse to another. So it's kind of fitting that she would die in one.

Chrissy: And if you were already having an existential crisis with the first episode...
Diandra: Yeah, I want to say she wasn't supposed to exist in ANY OTHER UNIVERSE but her own, but that's the one she was removed from so she can't go back there either.
Chrissy: I suppose all the variants have that same problem, which is why the only way they can be dealt with is either to "dispose" of them or brainwash them and recruit them to the TVA.

Back at the TVA, they have magnified the sensor so it can detect "if somebody steps on the wrong leaf" and they still can't find the Loki variants. B-15 arrives and Mobius asks if she found anything at Roxxcart. Because I guess she went back. But they're long gone from there. And they're probably plotting a massacre, she thinks. She asks how C-20 is doing. Mobius is like 'uh...no idea.'

Lamentis. Enormous asteroids are starting to rain down. Sylvie says it won't be much longer now. Then she asks if maybe "what makes a Loki a Loki is the fact that we're destined to lose?"

Chrissy: Certainly seems that way.

Loki says no, they may LOSE, but they don't DIE. He uses the example of her nearly taking down the all powerful organization that allegedly controls time despite being only a child when they took her. He says she's amazing. She reaches for his arm.

At the TVA, a branch suddenly starts forming, identified as coming from Lamentis 1 and rising very quickly toward the red line.

A giant firey mountain smashes whatever is left of the city and a wave of destruction starts moving toward them. Loki takes Sylvie's hand and they stare at each other, waiting for death. And then a couple time doors appear behind them.

They are separated at the TVA, manhandled down different hallways, which obviously disturbs both of them. Mobius stays with Loki and they bicker about which of them betrayed the other on the way back to the time theater. Mobius says he was wrong about Loki being the God of Mischief. He's just "an asshole and a bad friend." He says "it" is ready and another door appears that the agents holding him ready to throw him through. He struggles harder against them and Mobius says they can just let him do whatever he's trying to do there. "One last desperate trick from the desperate trickster." Loki says the TVA is lying to Mobius. Mobius just chuckles and the agents throw him through the door.

He ends up somewhere in Asgard, which makes him laugh because what the fuck? And then Sif appears, holding a chunk of her hair that has obviously been butchered off her head. She calls him a pathetic, conniving worm and slaps him. "I hope you know you deserve to be alone and you always will be," she snarls.

Chrissy: Ouch.

Loki calls in the direction of where the door used to be that this is cute shoving him in what is obviously a bad memory prison. She looks in the direction he's talking like '......eh?', knees him in the groin, punches him in the face and stomps off. He says yeah, if they had done their homework they would know that after that, he went and had a bath and a glass of wine and forgot all about the whole incident because it was hardly the worst thing he ever did. And then Sif reappears and repeats the entire speech punctuated by all three blows all over again. "Time loops," he groans like 'oh, that's why.'

Sif comes around again and he tries to derail her by finishing the sentence about always being alone before she can. He says she is just a reconstruction of a past event created by an organization that controls time. "So you need to trust me and you need to help me escape." She crosses her arms and seems to consider this for a moment. Then she nods and grabs his shoulders and just as he thinks she's come around she knees him in the groin, punches him and spits "pathetic".

Chrissy: Hope you weren't planning on having kids eventually, because after a few rounds of that...
Diandra: Considering his best prospect at that is now an effective clone that's probably for the best.
Chrissy: Oh. Right.
Diandra: Anyway. What I'd like to know is, does the fact that this story from Norse mythology exists in this world imply other well known mythology stories might possibly exist?
Chrissy: You're just trying to make the horse thing canon again, aren't you?
Diandra: I mean...

Ravonna is looking like she's nursing a headache while going through paperwork when Mobius enters her office. She asks why he isn't interrogating his Loki variant. Mobius says they're playing a little bad cop with the Time Cell first. He thought maybe while they're killing time on that he could interview Sylvie instead. Ravonna says nope, he's sticking to his own lane. He thinks he could figure out what that Nexus spike was faster if he could "work 'em both together."

Chrissy: That costs extra.
Diandra: How did I know you'd say that?

Ravonna says Sylvie is "too dangerous" for him. Mobius is pretty sure that if there is a mastermind behind this whole thing, it isn't his Loki. Ravonna just smiles sweetly and says he should be easy to break then. "Work your Loki," she concludes. Mobius thinks that should be his mantra.

[Chrissy and Emilio both clear their throats]
Diandra: NO!

Mobius finds B-15 and a few other minutemen outside the time theater they put Sylvie in. One of them is nursing a facial wound. B-15 asks why Mobius isn't interrogating his "pet". Mobius exposits that they've dealt with Kree, Titans and vampires, but the "two orphan demigods" are really the worst.

Chrissy: And that's why you're so fascinated, isn't it? The challenge?
Diandra: Can we talk about the fact that they just casually referenced vampires? Like yeah, there's probably a Blade variant running around here somewhere.
Emilio: Have to prepare people for his introduction somehow.

B-15 asks if Loki said anything "while you were in there". Mobius snorts that he said the TVA is lying to them. B-15 doesn't laugh, but doesn't say anything else.

Back in the time prison, Loki is sitting on the ground already when Sif enters on whatever iteration this is. He begs her to please stop. "I'm a horrible person. I get it." He drags himself to his knees and babbles that he cut off her hair because he thought it would be funny, but he was wrong. He psychoanalyzes that he does shit like this to get attention because he is a narcissist.

Emilio: I mean...you are literally falling in love with yourself, so duh.

He says it's probably because he's scared to be alone. She looks uncomfortable as he has basically nullified her rant. She holds out a hand to help him up. He accepts warily. Then she growls the part about him always being alone anyway, but this time she just flings his hand aside instead of hitting him and stomps off. Mobius comes through her entrance door this time and asks if he's ready to talk now.

They reenter the time theater and Loki pulls out his chair and sits with very aggressive motions. Mobius wants Loki to elaborate on his "the TVA is lying to you" statement. Unless, of course, that was "just a cockroach's survival mechanism kicking in." Loki is like 'I will gladly talk about whatever you want if you will quit the enhanced interrogation and let me out of here.' Mobius takes that as validation of the cockroach thing and asks how long he has been working for the Variant. Loki thinks the idea that he has been working for Sylvie is hilariously absurd. Mobius says okay, what are they then? Partners? Loki says no, not that either. She's "difficult and irritating" and kept trying to take his head off. Mobius is like yeah, you probably only take on partners if you intend to betray them eventually.

Chrissy: Ah, there it is. So why didn't you "soften me up" yourself then, Daddy? Afraid you would enjoy it too much?
Diandra: I see we're back to the Daddy thing. Sigh.

Loki snaps at him to wake up to the "real world". "Down there, we're awful to get what we want." Mobius thinks it's hilarious that a crown prince is lecturing him on the "real world" and asks what they did on Lamentis to cause a Nexus event. Loki is back to insisting he won't tell them anything because they'll just prune him the minute he's finished. Mobius sighs and says they are done here then. He's going to miss these little talks. He takes out his pad again and tells Loki to give his regards to Sif. The threat has the desired effect of making him talk, but also...of course...he lies. He claims it was HIM all along, manipulating her ever since she visited him on Asgard long ago. They came up with the plan together. Mobius is like 'great...what's the plan?' Loki non-answers that they are already doing it and she is his "pawn" and he will get rid of her after "something big" happens. Mobius says they already pruned her, so he won't have to bother. He tries to move on, but Loki's face falls and he asks if they really did that. Mobius says yeah, but she took out two of their agents first. B-15 took care of her if he wants to know who to thank. Turns out he really is the "superior Loki". Tom's face runs a somewhat more subdued gamut than in that first episode. Shock, a couple tears that don't quite fully form, and then hardening into feigned bluster as he says "good riddance." Mobius notices the weird smile that doesn't reach his eyes and laughs. "You like her. Does she like you?"

Chrissy: What, are we in junior high? Should I circle a "yes" or "no" somewhere? Also, that's a really dick move.

Loki asks if they really did prune her then. Mobius just snorts that they don't know what caused the Nexus event because they were too busy making heart eyes at each other. And what kind of narcissistic sicko forms a romantic relationship with a variant of himself anyway, he asks, really on a roll. Loki calmly says her name was Sylvie. Mobius jots that down in his file. "Is she alive," Loki barks at him. Mobius says yes and moves on to asking if their big plan involved infiltrating the TVA and overthrowing the timekeepers. Loki says if what Sylvie told him is true, it affects everyone at the TVA. Mobius grumbles that he's told "50 lies in the last 10 minutes" and he's about to start another one.

Chrissy: As opposed to what you were just doing there?
Diandra: Proving your point about means to an end?

They bicker a little and Loki objects to Sylvie being labeled his "girlfriend" or "your female self that you have some demented crush on." Loki finally yells that everyone at the TVA is a variant. Kidnapped from the timeline by the Timekeepers and told they were "created" to protect it. And here's where the fact that he was very recently told about the Frost Giant thing is significant for the character. Having been through a VERY SIMILAR scenario, like, a week ago gives him a level of understanding, if not full empathy. He says Sylvie can access their scrubbed memories through enchantment. Mobius is just staring at Loki like he's trying to figure out if he's lying or not as Loki insists he used to have a LIFE before the TVA. Maybe a family.

Emilio: Certainly a jet ski.

He shakes himself and laughs it off as another load of bullshit from the god of lies. Then he sighs that he'll have to close the case because they don't need him anymore. A couple minutemen come in and manhandle Loki back to the time prison as he sneers that Mobius is lying to himself.

In a hallway, B-15 seems to be mid-crisis. She stares at a poster insisting they must "get them all" and "verify through deletion". She activates her prune stick and stomps into the time theater where they put Sylvie. Except when she's in the room, she turns off the stick and pulls out her pad, opening a door. She says "come with me" and walks through the door.

Emilio: ...if you want to live.
Diandra: Can always trust you to bring the pop culture references.
Emilio: Of course.

Renslayer's office.

Emilio: Speaking of which, isn't there a fan theory that that name actually comes from her being the slayer of Kylo Ren?
Diandra: I would not be even a little surprised.

She and Mobius both sign off on a file and she declares the case closed and they drink a toast to "putting all of this behind us."

Chrissy: You think.

Now that they don't have anything better to be doing, apparently, she decides to ask what he would do if he could go anywhere, anytime.

Chrissy: Well, I always had a thing for F. Scot Fitzgerald. But the last time I visited that timeline there was a variant of me already there.
Diandra: Ha. Cute.
Chrissy: And this one immortal guy who looked like Doctor Strange...
Diandra: Stop trying to make me write that crossover. We don't know that that movie is even going to be a thing anymore.

Mobius seems to think about it, but then redirects to asking why Ravonna wouldn't let him interrogate Sylvie. Ravonna shifts shiftily and says they couldn't risk her escaping. Y'know, like the other one did during his first interrogation. She presses him to answer her original question: where would he go if he could go anywhere? He says he likes where he is right now, working with her.

Chrissy: Nobody likes a kissass, Mobius.

So since we're not doing the chit chat successfully, Ravonna says the Timekeepers want to personally oversee the Variant's pruning. And they want Mobius present. Mobius is like 'really? I get to meet the big bosses? Cool. Let's talk about C-20.' It really is that abrupt. He says it's just that she seemed fine when he last saw her and then... Ravonna says she "very quickly wasn't fine" after that. Uh-huh. Not at all shifty. She asks where he's going with these questions. He says something seems "off". She sighs and says the truth is she's trying to protect him. Because that variant scares her and she doesn't want to see him end up like C-20, who she claims "lost her mind" and "couldn't even form words by the end." She quickly adds that she doesn't want to see ANYONE end up that way, in case he starts getting any ideas that he's special or something. She says what they are doing MATTERS and waxes a little poetic on their friendship lasting to the end of time. They've both seen "all of existence" and they know "friendship like ours is uncommon. And worth fighting for. Same as the Sacred Timeline." He praises that little speech and gloats "I KNEW I was your favorite analyst."

He asks what she's going to do with her new trophy: Sophie's cutlass. As she's putting it on her shelves, he switches their temp pads. Then he starts making noise about leaving, which she scoffs at because this is probably the biggest case of his career here and he's leaving after only one...or two...drinks.

Emilio: Baby, it's cold outside.
Diandra: Oh, ew, we're going with that? Okay, fine.

He says he's tired from dealing with Lokis all day.

Diandra: Also, I'm pretty sure you spiked this. What is it? Truth serum? Or just common date rape fare?
Chrissy: Well. That became awkward very fast.
Emilio: I mean...that song really is gross.

They do the "For all time. Always." call and response and he leaves the office.

B-15 takes Sylvie back to Roxxcart. Sylvie thinks she's trying to make it a "fair fight" and squares her shoulders. But B-15 wants to talk about what she saw when Sylvie was messing with her head. Sylvie says oh, that was just your life before the TVA. B-15 cites the "I was created by the Time Keepers" thing as evidence that that must have been some sort of deception. Sylvie says she can't just create memories out of nothing. That's not how her power works. She only uncovers what was buried when the Time Keepers scrubbed their memories. They're all variants. B-15 holds out her hand and asks Sylvie to show her. Sylvie takes her hand and green flashes on her temple. She watches with closed eyes for a minute, smiling and crying, until Sylvie lets go. She sobs that she looked...happy and asks what they should do now.

At the TVA, Mobius goes into the library stacks for privacy so he can check Ravonna's pad. He pulls up the file on C-20, which says she is deceased. It also has three dates: one in 1537, one in 1979 and one in 2050. One of those first two is probably a birthday and the last is death date, but that kind of brings up more questions than it answers. He opens a debriefing file from Roxxcart, where C-20 insists that what she saw was REAL. A memory of something NOT TVA. She had friends "down there". A life. The interrogator tells her to calm down and she snaps that she is a VARIANT and so is the interrogator. Ravonna interrupts suddenly to announce that she's ending the interview. Mobius zooms in on her face, distraught.

Meanwhile, in the time prison...Loki is on the ground again. He recites Sif's line before she can say it for the hundredth or so time, but instead of Sif coming through the doorway, a door into the TVA appears and Mobius comes through. He asks if Loki cares about the variant. Loki says "care" isn't really the word when it comes to Sylvie. Mobius asks if he really thinks he deserves to be alone.

Chrissy: Is this the part where you kiss me, or...
Diandra: In fanfic, probably.

Mobius says whatever that Nexus event was that they caused probably DOES, in fact, prove that they can bring down the TVA. Is he sure Sylvie didn't plant those memories in C-20? Loki says he believes her. Mobius is like 'great. All I have is the word of two variants of the God of Lies.' "How about the word of a friend," Loki says.

Emilio: Aye, I could do that.
Diandra: Are you seriously comparing them to Legolas and Gim....never mind. I just realized that actually totally works. Ignore me.
Chrissy: I'm just impressed that you actually got that reference.

Mobius says it turns out Loki was right about the TVA and if he wants to save Sylvie they're going to have to trust each other. "You could be whoever, whatever you wanna be. Even someone good." Loki blinks at him and he adds "I mean, just in case anyone ever told you different."

Chrissy: I love you too, man.

They go through the door back into the TVA and immediately run into Renslayer surrounded by some minutemen. She is holding his temp pad and flatly says he has something that belongs to her. He tries to bullshit that he JUST realized he picked up the wrong pad and one of the minutemen snatches it from him and hands it to her. He asks what's going on, like...why are they staring at him like that? She just stares accusingly and he drops the act instantly and starts rambling an answer to her question earlier about where he would go. "Wherever it is I'm really from." Because he's pretty sure he had a jet ski and he'd love to give it a spin right about now. Ravonna orders him pruned and he screams and fizzles away as the minuteman hits him with the stick. Loki gasps and looks traumatized and then like he probably really is going to burn the place to the ground and make sure Ravonna has a front row seat before she dies as he's escorted away by the guards.

Ravonna goes to the room Sylvie is back in. Only her hair is wet now. She asks who else was in the room. One of the other guards tells her and she puts out an "alert" for B-15 since the variant has obviously compromised her.

Sylvie is escorted to the same place they were taking Loki. She asks if he's okay, since...obviously he isn't. Ravonna dismisses the guards and gets on an arriving elevator, both of them just following her docilely. After a minute of silence inside the elevator, Sylvie asks if Ravonna remembers her. Ravonna says yep. "What was my Nexus event?" Ravonna doesn't see how it matters. Sylvie just wants to know what was so important that they took her from her life and family. Ravonna kind of smirks as she says she doesn't remember.

They arrive at the smoke filled room with the Time Keepers and Ravonna presents them with "the variants". This time we see them up close and yeah, they look kind of like reptilian Time Lords. The one with the beard asks in an echoey booming voice if they have anything to say for themselves before they are executed. Loki says oh, is that why we're here? Well, go ahead, because I'm starting to think I can't actually be killed.

Chrissy: The fans won't let the writers follow through on it.
Diandra: Yeah, well. That's what happens when you seem to kill him in the first movie only to make him the main antagonist in the next. Don't act surprised when nobody believes he actually dies in the next one. I mean, that and the fact that one of his powers in the comics is a healing ability that basically makes him invincible. So it's not like this was ever completely outside the realm of possibility and it's just fangirls keeping him from dying.

The one with the ridiculous eyebrows hisses that he's no threat to them.

Sylvie starts to step toward them and Ravonna uses the time loop collar to snap her back. She says they're bluffing: they're actually scared of them. The normal one in the middle calls her a "cosmic disappointment" and orders them deleted. Sylvie starts moving again and Ravonna uses the time looper, but it seems to glitch. B-15 comes through the door and pushes a button on her controls to release both Loki and Sylvie's collars. She recites the TVA slogan and tosses Sylvie's cutlass to her. And a fight breaks out. Ravonna yells at the minutemen to protect the Timekeepers. Loki and Sylvie fight back to back and Loki has no weapon at all and is just punching the guards holding prune sticks. He asks Sylvie for "a little help here" and she tosses the cutlass to him. Then she relieves one of her opponents of a prune stick, which I don't think we noted before has a pointy sword-like opposite end. She faces Ravonna, who picks up a stick from one of the downed guards and vows to finish the job this time.

We go back and forth between Loki fighting two guards and Sylvie fighting Ravonna for a bit, until the two variants are the only ones standing.

Chrissy: Notice that you only knocked your opponent out, while I finished mine off?
Emilio: That's what happens when you're fighting redshirts instead of a major character.
Chrissy: Why is the Star Wars person using Star Trek terminology too?
Diandra: Because redshirts are universal.

The head Timekeeper tells Sylvie she is a "child of the Time Keepers" and offers to "talk". She tosses the cutlass Loki just handed back to her at his head, which falls off with some sparks and rolls down to land beside them. The other timekeepers laugh maniacally for a while and then all of them slump like anamatronics whose power cord has been pulled. Sylvie picks up the head and they blink at the still sparking wires as she notes that they're nothing but "mindless androids". Loki asks who really created the TVA then, if this wasn't the man behind the curtain. Neither of them knows where to go from there, so they just kind of lapse into a frustrated silence. And then Loki starts rambling about how they WILL figure this out and he has to tell her something, because back on Lamentis... Before he can maybe get around to whatever point he's clumsily trying to make, Ravonna wakes up and hits him from behind with a prune stick. Sylvie snarls and relieves Ravonna of the stick, pointing the melt end at her. Ravonna invites her to do it. But Sylvie just growls that Ravonna is going to tell her "everything".

Chrissy: I assume we noted the "Loki can't die" thing to reassure everyone that we didn't just kill the title character before the series was done.
Diandra: I mean...obviously they didn't. I think when I first saw it I thought 'well, that's one way to reassure viewers that pruning is not equivalent with death'. Because a few minutes back, they took out Mobius, which...I mean...might not have been enough to convince anyone of that, but now that they used it on Loki too you KNOW something else must be going on.

The credits are to a country-ish song (written by Edith Piaf, apparently) about a woman telling her lover they will meet on the other side "if you really love me" or something along those lines. It's interrupted by the first mid credit scene of this series. Loki gasps awake on the ground somewhere and asks no one in particular if he's in Hel. A voice off camera says he's not dead YET, "but you will be unless you come with us." He blinks up at the three guys hovering over him. Richard E Grant is dressed like the ridiculous comics version of Loki with bright green and yellow and a long cape. A kid is wearing something closer to what Loki and Sylvie have worn with the horn logo on his chest. He is holding an alligator that has Loki horns on its head. And then there's a big black guy wearing a fur pelt and holding a gold version of Mjolnir. They are all standing in front of what can only be described as an apocalyptic wasteland of a city.

We smash back to credits, with the names of the three actors we just saw listed under "special guest star" while we contemplate just how weird the next episode is going to get.

Emilio: Looks like it's your turn to play multiple versions of a character, Christine.
Diandra: Yeah, I know we said you should play Sylvie just to lessen the load a little, but there's really no avoiding it now.
Chrissy: I thought we made him Sylvie so I wouldn't have to hit on myself. Or whatever you were doing playing both versions of Doctor Strange in that last episode of "What If".
Diandra: That's fun in small doses, but gets confusing fast if I remember whichever "Sherlock" recap that was where we kept forgetting who we were supposed to be and having loopy arguments with ourselves.
Emilio: I can play a couple of them too. Should make good practice for doing all the Peter Parkers in "No Way Home".
Diandra: We are all going to go insane at some point in the next few MCU installments, aren't we?
Emilio: Eh. Probably.

Episode 5: Journey Into Mystery

Oh, this is gonna be batshit.

The reveal that Loki is in some world full of Lokis is tacked on to the end of the previouslies in case you missed it.

We're back at the TVA, where we do a very dizzying upside down panning shot through hallways and offices to the elevator, which I am just noticing has the "for all time always" slogan printed above it. We morph through the door to the room with the Time Keepers, where the head of the lead one is still on the ground. And then we just go to the apocalyptic Lokiland, which we pan over to cinematic fanfare. Near a cloud of smoke and lightning, Loki is just getting off the ground despite the fact that it looked like he was well away from the city in a field before. He does his sassy little hair flip answer to the hero landing and bombards the other Lokis with questions: where are we? Who are you? What is this place? Richard E. Grant, aka Classic Loki says they're in The Void, that smoke monster back there is "Alioth" and they need to leave before he eats them. Loki follows them away from the roiling smoke monster, which forms something like a dragon head to roar after them.

Chrissy: And if you were wondering when this series was going to make parallels to "Lost"...here you go.

After the opening card, we go back to the TVA. Sylvie demands Ravonna hand over her temp pad and asks who really runs the TVA. Ravonna says honestly, she's just as surprised about the animatronic Time Keepers as Sylvie is. Sylvie is like 'oh, so your whole reality has just been upended, has it? Poor thing. How does it feel?' She lets Ravonna up after twisting her arm a little more and we realize they're in the courtroom now. Sylvie thinks it's poetic justice to kill Renslayer in the same place where she took Sylvie's life from her. Ravonna blurts that Loki isn't dead. Yet. Probably. Sylvie snarls that she's lying. Ravonna says "maybe. Or maybe we want the same thing." Sylvie doesn't see how saving him - if he even can still be saved - will help them find whoever is actually behind the TVA. Ravonna says it's complicated, but she wants answers now too since she has obviously been lied to.

Sylvie lowers the dagger. Ravonna explains that it isn't possible to destroy everything in a pruned branch of reality. So while it looks like they're burning it out of existence, what they're really doing is just moving it "to a place on the timeline where it won't continue growing." They don't really "reset" the timeline. They just quarantine it in "a void at the end of time." A place where all realities collide and "stop." They are told the end of the Sacred Timeline is still being written and the Time Keepers are working to turn it into a sort of Utopia. Sylvie snorts that that's really cute and totally believable. Ravonna shrugs and says either way nothing comes back from The Void. But she can help Sylvie. Sylvie slowly returns the temp pad.

The Void. We pan over a moss covered ship I'm just going to call the Black Rock and something that looks like the Enterprise. Loki asks if the group currently passing the wreckage of a plane can stop running for a second so he can ask "several thousand questions." Classic Loki says nope, they have to keep moving so they don't die. Loki asks if they have any plans beyond that. Classic Loki says no. Loki says that's not a PLAN. Lokis always have a PLAN. The rock they just passed is in the shape of a giant head. A bunch of strange purple birds run past them. Loki snaps and begs SOMEBODY to TELL HIM WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. Because he has been having a very rough time since that New York thing a few days...or months...or whatever ago. And now he's in this weird place surrounded by variants of himself and an alligator "which I'm heartbroken to report I didn't find all that strange." And now they're running from whatever the fuck that thing was toward who knows where and he just wants to get back to the TVA now.

Kid Loki pulls a dagger on him and he falls over, unbalanced. Kid Loki hisses at him to stop yelling or he'll alert Alioth. Then he sends the dagger back to whatever pocket universe he took it from and helps Loki up. He says The Void is where the TVA sends everything it prunes and Alioth makes sure it doesn't return. Deobia Oparei, who is identified as Boastful Loki, calls it a "living tempest that consumes matter and energy." They send things to the Void to be devoured. Classic Loki cuts him off to summarize it more crudely: "we're in a shark tank. Alioth is the shark." The alligator makes a snorting, growing noise and Classic Loki answers that "shark tank" is a better metaphor than "alligator tank" and shut up. Despite the horns, Loki just now realizes that the alligator is actually another Loki variant.

Chrissy: I suppose next you'll tell me there's a crocodile somewhere around here that's a Thor variant.
Emilio: No, but wait'll you hear about Throg.
Chrissy: I'm assuming the frog variant and the alligator variant are from the same universe, right? Is that the same universe Howard the Duck is from?
Diandra: They're not from the same universe. Throg is a black guy who was cursed by a pissed off witch and then gained the power of Thor because "he who is worthy yadda yadda". I think he's one of the Pet Avengers along with Ms. Marvel's dog, Devil Dinosaur and the Inhumans giant teleporting dog.
Chrissy: ................I think I'm just realizing how insane it is that there are people taking these comics so seriously.

Of all questions, Loki asks why there are so many of them here in The Void. Classic Loki says the same thing Loki said to Sylvie: that one thing Lokis are really good at is surviving. Loki asks how they escape then. Classic Loki says they don't. And they all went through this phase Loki is going through where they tried to make plans and they were never successful. Loki asks if they've thought of using a temp pad. Boastful Loki says oh, right, because we have those EVERYWHERE around here. Why didn't we think of that?

Chrissy: Okay, sarcasm noted.

Loki says fine then. How about trying causing a Nexus Event?

Chrissy: Considering how the last one came about, I suppose that means I would have to make out with one of you.
Emilio: I vote for the alligator.
Chrissy: I suppose you're playing Classic Loki then.
Emilio: Nope. The alligator. I'm hungry.
Diandra: [snort]

Actually, Boastful Loki says that wouldn't work because the TVA doesn't give a rip what they do here. Loki says surely they must be able to do SOMETHING.

Chrissy, Emilio and Diandra at the same time: Don't call me Shirley.

Classic Loki says they can survive. Period. Full stop. Kid Loki has had enough of standing around talking and prompts them to start moving again. At least those of them NOT including the new guy, who can do whatever the hell he wants and leave them out of it. They start walking and Loki hesitates for a few seconds, looking around at the desolate wasteland, before running after them. Apparently the horns are some sort of command thing because he asks why Classic Loki is wearing them if he lets the kid boss him around. Classic Loki is like 'it's called RESPECT and you should try it sometime. Also, this is his kingdom.' Loki sneeringly asks what His Majesty's Nexus Event was. Kid Loki says he killed Thor and walks away while Loki ponders the possibility that the kid is actually a bigger psycho than he is.

Chrissy: Oh, come on. Like you never thought of trying it.

They pass a helicopter that says THANOS across it, which is apparently an artifact from a comic that is batshit nuts.

Chrissy: What, crazier than any of the other shit you just said a few minutes ago?

Classic Loki opens what looks like a bomb shelter cover and the Lokis all start climbing in. We pan down past all the built up layers of crap, including a lot of lunch trays, Mjolnir, Throg, (whose frustrated screaming as he tries to escape his jar is provided by Chris Hemsworth) and some wires. We reach the shelter at the same time Loki does. Classic Loki asks why he wants to go back to the TVA anyway. Boastful Loki mocks "you leave your glorious purpose there?" Loki is too distracted by the sight of the room that obviously used to be a bowling alley before it was converted into a throne room for the criminally insane. There are giant candy canes surrounding a big, ornate chair with a neon "L" hanging crookedly over it.

Back at the TVA, Ravonna is orderering Miss Minutes to access the restricted files on "the beginning of time" and the foundation of the TVA. As the anthropomorphic clock is flipping through files, Sylvie asks what about the END of time. Ravonna shrugs that there's nothing there but a void. Sylvie asks what if there's something BEYOND the void though. Miss Minutes looks at Ravonna apprehensively. Sylvie says she hid in apocalypses because she realized it was impossible to create a diverging branch that would alert the TVA, right? So, if the Time Keepers are still writing the ending, it shouldn't be possible to diverge from anything there either because there's nothing to branch FROM. She asks how they get past the Void. Ravonna says they can't because there's nothing for the temp pad to lock on to for all the reasons she just said. Sylvie concludes that she needs to go "through it" then. Ravonna thinks that's a terrible idea. Sylvie says okay then, guess I no longer need you and starts menacing toward her. Miss Minutes frantically suggests the Void spacecraft. Ravonna says it's a prototype, but in theory it will travel to the end of time.

Emilio: Say hi to the Doctor and that Viking girl.
Chrissy: Viking....
Diandra: Capaldi era.
Chrissy: Ah. What happened to Jack Harkness?
Diandra: He went to the other comics universe.

According to Sylvie, the plan is then to find Loki, find the "man behind the curtain" and kill him. Ravonna seems to be on board with this. She shakes Sylvie's hand on it. But when she goes to pull away, Sylvie doesn't let go and casually asks Miss Minutes where the files on this timespacecraft are. Miss Minutes is flicking frantically through files, claiming they are buried deep in a way that looks suspiciously like stalling. Ravonna says she might not even have clearance to access them. Sylvie thinks she would if it were a real thing. Ravonna asks "how long" and Miss Minutes replies "any second now" before some minutement burst through the door.

Chrissy: Impressive that they programmed that code into an AI.

Sylvie kicks Ravonna aside and jumps up to the judge's bench at the head of the room. Ravonna tells the minutemen that Sylvie stole her temp pad. Then she calls to Sylvie that they know where her hiding places are now, so if she runs they'll just catch her eventually. Sylvie asks if Ravonna was lying the whole time or if she really did feel a little betrayal for a minute there. Ravonna tells her to come out and they can talk about that. Sylvie says sure, as soon as all those other guys fuck off. Ravonna offers to put her in a time loop of a good memory if she surrenders now. Assuming she has any. Sylvie mutters that she just has one. Then she activates the prune stick she stole, stands up and stabs it into her own chest. The minutemen all look shocked and horrified because they still think pruning equals death. Ravonna shrugs it off and walks away.

Back in Lokiville, Boastful Loki is telling the story about how he killed Captain America and Iron Man and collected all the Infinity Stones. Alligator Loki makes a grumbling noise, which Classic Loki translates as "growling and saying 'liar' at the same time." Boastful Loki sneers that at least his Nexus event wasn't "eating the wrong neighbor's cat."

Emilio: Hey, I can never resist a pussy.
[stunned silence for a solid minute]
Chrissy: My god, you really are playing the alligator, aren't you?
Diandra: I feel like I should just leave the two of you to finish this episode without me because I'm going to be out of my depth.
Chrissy: No, we need you to steer us back or we'll never finish.

Alligator Loki snarls and hops from his wading pool to chew on Boastful Loki's arm a bit. Loki and Classic Loki have to break them up. Loki looks horrified by this whole thing and Classic Loki just looks annoyed because he's probably had to do this a lot.

Kid Loki, sitting on the throne, prompts Classic Loki to tell everyone his story. Loki seconds that because he wants to know...uh..."well, we're supposed to die, right? Thanos kills us after Ragnarok?" Classic Loki snorts that everything went as it was supposed to in his timeline right up to Thanos. Loki asks if he tried to stab him.

Chrissy: Just because your response to every problem is to try to stab it doesn't mean the rest of us feel such an obvious need to compensate for an area where we clearly come up short.
Chrissy: I'll show you SHORT, you -
Diandra: OKAY, that's enough of that.

Classic Loki says no, blades "stunt our magic potential."

Chrissy: You really should stop this reliance on props.
Diandra: I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH.

So anyway, Classic Loki cast a projection so real even Thanos believed it. He made himself look like just a piece of debris and hid. Once everyone believed he was dead he just drifted through space away from everyone and everything. And because he had a lot of time to think then he got to realizing that pain followed him everywhere he went. So he went to a remote planet somewhere where he couldn't cause any anymore and stayed there all alone for a "long, long time." Loki asks how the TVA found him then. Classic Loki says he missed Thor and wondered if he or anyone else missed him. And, like...he was lonely. But the minute he tried to leave the planet the TVA captured him. Possibly because they hadn't realized he had escaped death until then. But Classic Loki concludes that they all have one part to play: "the God of Outcasts." He and Boastful Loki drink a toast to that from ornate goblets. Kid Loki drinks from a juice box.

Loki puts down his smaller goblet and says he's getting out of here. Because Lokis are just as good at escaping as they are at surviving, so he's pretty sure he can get back to the TVA. Classic Loki says he'll be murdered. Loki says fine, that's what was supposed to happen anyway. Kid Loki asks why he's different. Loki says he's not and asks if any of them have met a female Loki yet. Classic Loki makes exactly the face you would expect from someone right out of a 60s comic at the idea and says that sounds "terrifying".

Chrissy: Nah, I'm just trying to picture any of us in drag. It's horrifying.
Diandra: You know, actually...his shapeshifting ability did apparently malfunction at one point in the comics and got "stuck", much like the TARDIS got stuck as a blue police box, so for a while no matter what shape he took, it still had his face. So yeah. Imagine the alligator wearing Tom Hiddleston's or Richard E. Grant's face.

Loki says she is absolutely terrifying, yes, but that's the part that makes her great. She's not trying to take over the TVA, she's trying to destroy it. And she needs him.

Emilio: No I don't.

He summarizes what all the other Lokis said about Alioth. It's a living thing, like a shark, and it's what keeps them from leaving this place. If it's alive, it can die. So he's going to try to figure a way to kill it. Who's with him? The other Lokis laugh. The alligator grunts in what might be amusement. Loki stomps back to the bunker exit. Except when he opens the door he is faced with ten other Loki variants, only the leader of which is also Tom Hiddleston. This one is wearing a suit with a "vote Loki" pin on it, so everyone refers to him as President Loki. "Which one of us are you," he asks in a deeper voice than usual. I would like to thank the fans who suggested reading the Vote Loki comics based on seeing this version of him in the previews and assuming the show would draw from them. It doesn't at all, but it was probably the best Loki comic I read. Loki deflates and mutters that he is, in fact, in Hel.

Sylvie wakes up in some sort of nest with giant eggs in it built into the back of a school bus. She climbs out and looks around at the wasteland full of decaying cars and some variation of the Golden Gate Bridge. Thunder and lightning crash and she instinctively runs as purple smoke consumes the bus. As she's running, she seems to use her enchantment power on a wisp of the smoke and sees a glimpse of...something. A pizza delivery car drives up, honking at her and she runs toward it, leaping in just ahead of the smoke. Mobius is driving and he snaps at her to shut the door and guns it away from Alioth the Smoke Monster. And by the way, "you should be careful just jumping into a stranger's car like that."

Emilio: What, are you going to kidnap me? Take me to your secret dungeon and have your way with me?
Diandra: ...............okay, I don't think that suggestive tone comes across in type, Emilio.
Chrissy: He likes it when you call him Daddy.
Diandra: NO HE DOESN'T. Stop it.

She yells at him to watch out. He says he sees it. She says "really? Because you're driving right towards it." He mutters that she really is "one of you."

Chrissy: And you surviving this long suggests that you might just be one too.

They drive past a great pyramid, the sphinx and what looks like Stonehenge. How the hell are all these landmarks getting here? Are they really purging timelines so completely?

Back in Lokiland, Classic Loki yells at Loki for bringing the "wolves" in. President Loki says they prefer the label "snakes". Kid Loki brags that he's eaten both for breakfast, so.

Emilio: Yeah, I tried snakes once. But I prefer cats.
Diandra: Is the rest of this recap going to be like this?
Emilio and Chrissy: Yes.
Diandra: Didn't I invite you to help KEEP us on track, Emilio?
Emilio: Yeah, I don't know why you thought that was going to work either.

Boastful Loki announces that he was actually the one behind this and calling mutiny on Kid Loki to declare himself king. President Loki is like 'eh...are you?' His Loki army all pull weapons. "What did you expect," he smarms. Boastful Loki blabs that he gave President Loki the location of the bunker in exchange for supplies. "You give me your army and I take the throne." Loki is just shaking his head in the corner like 'lord, save me from these idiots.'

President Loki says nope, his army, his throne. His Lokis all turn their weapons on him and he looks surprised, like........dude. You expected an army of Loki variants to exhibit loyalty? He yells that they had a DEAL. The alligator snarls and President Loki asks why the Hel THAT is in here. Alligator Loki latches onto his arm and when he wrestles it free he is minus that hand. He looks at the bleeding stump and screams in a ridiculously high pitched shriek. Someone drags him away and a fight breaks out. Loki steps back to avoid a swinging mace. Kid Loki picks up the Alligator like a baby and runs for it. Loki tries to pick his way through the fighting without getting involved in this insanity. President Loki gets his head shoved in a popcorn machine. Classic Loki casts duplicates of himself, Loki, Kid Loki and Alligator Loki, which join the fight so they can escape through a green smoke portal he opens. Loki takes one last look at all the Lokis fighting each other in this demented underworld lair before stepping through the portal.

Chrissy: Can we go back to that President Loki comic for a second? You described it to me when you were reading it and it looks like we're treating that as belonging to another universe, probably where Loki tried this method of Earth takeover instead of the attack we saw in "The Avengers". What was it you said at the end?
Diandra: That it exists in the same universe where Jane Foster is Thor and Loki is Sorcerer Supreme and Doctor Strange is a veterinarian with a talking dog that Loki turns into a ghost after he (the dog) dies?
Chrissy: That was it.
Diandra: Yeah, it's probably one of my favorites.

Back outside, Classic Loki rants about how they always lie and cheat and betray anyone who thinks of trusting them and "for what? Power. Glorious power. Glorious purpose! We cannot change. We're broken. Every version of us. Forever."

Chrissy: You sound like you could use a hug.
Chrissy: Touch me and die.

Kid Loki adds that whenever any of them tries to fix themselves, they're sent to this hellhole at the end of time. Loki thinks this is why getting out of here is important. They can't change anything unless he can stop the TVA. Classic Loki asks if he trusts her. Loki says she's the only one he trusts and she's their best chance against the TVA. Kid Loki believes him. Classic Loki says FINE, but they can only get him so close to Alioth because any closer is asking for death.

Alioth, meanwhile, has apparently just decided to stop chasing Sylvie and Mobius and retreat back up into the sky. Mobius is bemoaning the fact that he really thought he was working for the good guys. Sylvie is like 'really? You thought the guys destroying whole realities were the GOOD guys?' He guesses it has something to do with believing in ends justifying means and hey, she destroyed stuff too. Killed people. She sneers that she did what she HAD to. Mobius is like 'isn't that what I just said?' He apologizes for all that time he spent hunting her. She grumbles that she was hoping to find LOKI when she pruned herself, but that thing back there probably got him already. Because that Variant wasn't the brightest bulb.

Chrissy: Hey!
Emilio: What? It's true.

Anyway, it doesn't matter because she still needs to get out of this place and figure out who is behind the TVA. He asks how she plans to do that. She says they need to turn around. "What, and go back to the angry cloud?" She says yes, because she's starting to think it has the answers.

Classic Loki asks if Loki has an actual plan once they reach the Smoke Monster of Death. Loki plans to get inside it, find whatever vital organ he can and kill it. Kid Loki isn't so sure about that plan. The alligator growls and Loki claims he's on board with the plan. Classic Loki says no, he's praying because he's pretty sure they're all about to die.

Chrissy: I would love the back story for how he understands Alligator speak.
Diandra: I would say it's just an example of Allspeak in use, but I'm not sure the MCU has Allspeak since the whole "I took Groot as an elective" thing.
Emilio: Maybe some universes have it? Just not the MCU.
Diandra: I guess that works as well as any other explanation. Let's go with that.

They reach a cliff overlooking a valley just as a ship crackles into existence. It is marked USS Eldridge. The sailors on deck scramble as smoke starts pouring toward them. Loki exposits that, like any animal, Alioth will go after the big prey first. And they can take advantage of the distraction. Except before he even finishes the sentence, Alioth devours everyone on the ship and retreats. "Okay," Loki says. "Maybe we think a bit more about this, huh?"

Chrissy: Pretty sure all the thinking in the world isn't going to help you, bud.
Diandra: Change your tune?
Chrissy: I was being Classic Loki there.

Kid Loki spots a car coming. Loki asks if that's a bad thing. Kid Loki says it's usually cannibals, which come in two flavors in this hellscape: marauders and pirates. Sylvie gets out of the car and Loki runs toward her, stopping awkwardly in front of her and asking what happened. Mobius gets out behind her and Loki looks for a second like he might go to him instead and stops again.

The other Lokis wander up and Sylvie starts toward them defensively. Loki says it's okay, because they are his...er...friends. Sort of. He introduces them to Sylvie as "us as a child, us in the future and us as...uh...an alligator. It's best not to question it."

Chrissy: Thanks writers, but that's already been our mantra for a few movies now.

Sylvie asks if they're all chasing the giant cloud monster then. Loki says yeah, they're not sure how they're going to kill it yet, but... She interrupts like 'who said anything about killing it?' She turns to the other Lokis and asks if they were really going along with this idiot's plan. They're all like 'well, no, actually...'

Chrissy: Traitors.

Sylvie says the guy they're looking for is BEYOND the Void at the end of time, so that thing is just his guard dog, basically, keeping anyone from getting to him. Loki rolls with it and asks how they get past the guard dog then. She plans to enchant it. Loki snort laughs and says she's kidding, right? She says oh, right, we should totally go with your idea of killing the giant cloud monster. Loki starts spluttering that he's been down here longer than her and...she says they're doing it her way. End of story. Loki looks to Mobius, who is like 'don't look at me, dude, I'm with her.'

Emilio: She's the smart one.
Chrissy: All of us look brilliant compared to that one.

Back at the TVA, Ravonna goes to the time theater where they are apparently keeping B-15 in a cell along one wall. B-15 asks why she's been put in here. Ravonna says she was disloyal to the TVA and freed a variant. B-15 latches onto the disloyalty thing and reminds Ravonna that they were both in that chamber when the variant realized the Time Keepers aren't real. Ravonna doesn't think that changes anything. B-15 thinks the people need to know the truth. Ravonna thinks that until they figure out what, exactly, is going on, they need stability. So she's here to pump B-15 for information because she linked with the variant and knows what drives her. B-15 says yeah, revenge. And the goal of killing the Time Keepers until she realized they were robots, so now she wants to kill whoever made them. She cocks her head at Ravonna and says this isn't about protecting the TVA, is it? She wants to find out the truth too. But there's no way she'll get to the real forces behind the TVA before Sylvie does because "you only want it. She needs it."

As she's leaving the room, Ravonna pulls up a mobile version of Miss Minutes and asks her to retrieve all the files on the founding of the TVA, all the way back to the beginning of time. Because the founder(s) are in danger and she needs to find them.

Back in Lokiland, Mobius is telling Classic Loki that he doesn't remember ever coming across the alligator variant. Are they sure he really is a Loki variant? He could be lying. "Of course, that just makes him more likely to be a Loki." Kid Loki asks what happens if Mobius does actually get back to the TVA. He thinks he'll start telling people the truth. Classic Loki notes that he would be going against the organization he devoted his life to then.

Chrissy: Seriously, are we sure you're not a Loki variant yourself?

Mobius thinks it's never too late to change.

And Loki and Sylvie were not in the little room of ruins with them because they are sitting outside having their own conversation. Sylvie thinks Mobius isn't so bad. Loki is like 'yeah, that's probably why I'm falling in lo.....I mean, why we get along. Yeah, that's it.'

Chrissy: And there's the shipper.
Diandra: I mean, it's right there.

Sylvie says yeah, he obviously "cares about you."

Emilio: I'm sure he'd like to demonstrate how much he "cares about you" too.

Loki, who is, remember, a FROST GIANT, suddenly decides he's cold and conjures up a green blanket to wrap around himself. He offers to get one for her and she grumbles that she'd rather have a whole different outfit because "you've no idea how uncomfortable something like this is."

Chrissy: Oh, I don't, do I?
Diandra: Yeah, Tom totally put that in the script.

Sylvie is like anyway...about Mobius' theory of what the Nexus Event was..."total rubbish, right?" Loki agrees and they stutter through a little back and forth about 'I mean, I like you, but really...' She says she doesn't know how to do "this". He says he doesn't even know what they're doing.

Emilio: Oh, that much has been clear since the beginning.
Chrissy: You know...

She says she doesn't have friends. Loki wonders if that's really that important.

Chrissy: Who needs friends when you can have a whole planet kneeling before you.
Emilio: A whole planet seems like a lot. Who has that much stamina?
Chrissy: I do, but yeah, probably need to limit to mutants and supersoldiers and that one sorcerer and how far are you going to let me go before you stop me, D?
Diandra: What? Sorry, I went to my happy place where I wasn't getting sucked into a weird sexually suggestive conversation.

She says yeah, bringing down the TVA is more important. Loki says they're basically saving the universe and Sylvie is like 'woah, back up there, Drama Queen. But sure. Sort of.'

He alters the blanket so it goes around both of them and she notes that it isn't very plushy and what is it, "a tablecloth?" She chokes out a thank you as if she is not used to saying the words, which she probably isn't. She asks how she can be sure he won't just betray her in the eleventh hour. Y'know, because that's what Lokis are good at. He says he's betrayed everyone who ever loved him and he's aware of that and his reasons for doing it, but he's not that person anymore. She says if they do succeed in destroying the TVA "there might be a timeline for you to rule". But actually, neither of them knows what they will do then. Loki suggests they could figure it out together.

We get a closeup of one of those funny little birds running around and I just realized I think these are probably one of the animals in "Shang Chi". It segues us into a shot of the group standing on a cliff watching Alioth roil in the distance. Mobius asks what their next move is then. Sylvie says she linked with that thing briefly earlier. Just for a second, but she thinks that it knows what's behind the TVA and if she can get close enough, she can enchant it and make it take her to whoever it is. She pulls out Ravonna's stolen temp pad and hands it to Loki. He announces that he's staying with her. She admits that she doesn't really know if this is going to work. "You go, I go," he says.

Chrissy: This line courtesy of Jim Cameron.
Diandra: SNORT.

He hands it to Mobius, who is eager to get the fuck out of crazytown. He says he'll give their regards to Renslayer and asks if any of the other variants want to come with him. Kid and Classic Loki both refuse because this is their home now. The alligator growls, which could be either an agreement or a 'fuck them, I'll take it!' Kid Loki conjures a gold plated sword to hand to Loki, who conjures a holster to put it on his back. Classic Loki wishes him luck and the three other variants walk away.

Mobius opens a door to the TVA. Loki asks what he's going to do because he wasn't in that conversation earlier. Mobius says he'll burn it to the ground. Starting with the paperwork on his desk, probably. He holds out his hand to shake Loki's. Loki just hugs him.

Chrissy: I'm pretty sure that music playing there could just as easily have accompanied a kiss.

Mobius says "you're my favorite", but he's looking at Sylvie over Loki's shoulder, so.

Chrissy: Traitor.
Diandra: Well, you are adorable, but she is way more badass.
Chrissy: You LITERALLY just met her. I thought we had a thing going here, but I guess you were just using me to get to her.
Diandra: Uh...yeah. I believe we established right away that that's exactly what I was doing.
Emilio: We could always share.
Diandra: Who are you talking to?
Emilio: [points at Diandra] Mobius.
Chrissy: And now I'm a piece of meat, am I? A chew toy for the two of you to fight over? Actually, that sounds kind of fun. D, how many threesome stories are there in this fandom?
Diandra: I just assume that literally everything that can be tried with Loki has been at some point. I mean, we talked about how hilarious it was that people were talking about this show inventing the idea of selfcest when Loki has always been able to replicate himself and yeah, the second the multiverse came into play he was one of the characters who would inevitably try to bang another version of himself. And yes, before you ask, there is at least one Loki/President Loki story. Fandom communal bicycle. If you can think of a pairing, it probably exists.
Emilio: So, Loki/Howard the Duck...?
Diandra: ..........why would you think about that? Ugh. Probably. Thanks for that mental image. I may never sleep again.

Mobius disappears back to the TVA and Loki and Sylvie stare at the building storm some more while those faceless birds run around squeaking in alarm.

The plan now, such as it is, is to wait for a "branch" to appear and when Alioth is distracted by it, she will enchant him. The dragon face materializes out of the smoke monster and Loki...steps behind Sylvie. He asks if they have time to wait for a branch to just appear. She says then they'll need some other distraction. He puts a hand on her shoulder and they have a silent conversation where she shakes her head like 'no, that's a terrible idea, you moron' and he just nods and then...runs.

Chrissy: It's okay, I have experience distracting monsters. Just ask Fury and Captain Marvel.

He pulls the sword, which bursts into flame all along the blade. Not sure if he knew it would do that or if he's making it do that. He waves it like a crazy person trying to get Alioth's attention while Sylvie tries to enchant some of the tendrils that surround her. It turns toward Sylvie and starts diving toward her open-mouthed while he screams at it to LOOK AT HIM.

It almost swallows her, but at the last second something distracts it. Because Classic Loki realized that what they were doing wasn't going to work and came back and he's creating an illusion of the entirety of Asgard in the other side of the valley. Loki joins Sylvie again and she asks how the HELL he's doing that like 'did you know this was a thing we could do?' Loki thinks it's possible they have more powers than they know about.

Emilio: Well, you certainly do.
Diandra: But that's not difficult since he doesn't know much.
Chrissy: Right here, guys.

Sylvie takes his hand suddenly and says they're going to enchant it together. He still thinks he doesn't know how to do that. She says he does.

Classic Loki is playing with Alioth, making spires of buildings that the dragon mouth tries to consume. Sylvie catches a tendril in her free hand. Loki catches another, but it takes a few minutes for the green glow to start coming out of his hand.

Chrissy: I love how the closed captioning is like "grunting. Groaning. More grunting. Breathing heavily."
Emilio: Yeah, they could probably have switched it accidentally with the subtitles for a porno and see how long it took for anyone to notice.
Diandra [sarcastically]: Thanks, guys, that's really helping.

Classic Loki runs out of energy ("grunting weakly") and collapses. The generated Asgard disappears and Alioth turns to face him. He raises his arms and yells "glorious purpose!" and cackles like a lunatic as the dragon consumes him, leaving behind his helmet.

Chrissy: See, that's how you do it. Not by waving a little flame dagger and yelling "come get me."
Chrissy: I would point out the obvious indicator that I came out ahead here, but...well...you're dead.

Loki and Sylvie struggle to hang on to their tendrils as Alioth turns to them. It is just starting to swoop toward them when a green flash goes up the tendrils and it disappears in a poof. Sylvie tells Loki he can open his eyes now. He does as the still swirling clouds part to reveal some sort of castle.

Chrissy: Well, that wasn't that bad.
Diandra: Yeah, you didn't sound any crazier than usual.
Chrissy: I know you're trying to goad me, but I will take that as a compliment.

Episode 6: For All Time. Always. (Or: Get Ready for an Exposition Dump)

Here we go. Last one. For now.

The opening card for this episode features sound clips of various characters as their images appear on the screen. As follows.

[powering up noise]
Sam: Way to go, Tic Tac!
Hope: That's how you punch.
Black Panther: WAKANDA FOREVER!
Scott: Nah, you wouldn't've heard of me.
Natasha: Let me put you on hold.
Star Lord: Dance off, bro!
Thor: ...a friend from work!
Captain America: I can do this all day.
Endgame Captain America: Yeah, I know.
Hank: I'll show you ferocity.
Captain Marvel: Higher, further, faster, baby!
Loki: We have a Hulk.

And then it's just a disaster of everyone talking over each other with nothing that can really be picked out.

Chrissy: That...is a weird mixture of catch phrases and very bizarrely chosen lines.
Diandra: Yeah, they couldn't have gone with "on your left" for Sam? Or, like, anything else for Thor? And I cut it off before the line from Korg because I just can't fathom the stupidity of that playing over the image of Tony using the Infinity Gauntlet while saying "I am Iron Man" because WHAT THE FUCK?

We open on a shot that looks like it could have come right out of "Cosmos" while voices talk about time and time's arrow and Neil Armstrong chimes in with "one small step for man" and then Greta Thunburg says "how dare they" as we zoom all the way out of the solar system, the galaxy, whatever. It goes quiet for a half a second and then the ball of matter explodes outward and we get quotes from Malala Yousafzai and Nelson Mandela accompanied by various snippets of music both of the era and classical. And then there's Richard E. Grant yelling "glorious purpose" from the last episode and Vision's quote about love persevering from "WandaVision". And Maya Angelou saying "I will rise."

We finally stop moving through space when we reach a weirdly shaped rock hovering near a beam of light and push in on the rock to the shot we ended the last episode on of Loki and Sylvie looking at the castle in the distance. Only now there are rocks hovering all around them. Cut to the title card with what the closed captioning claims is the "theme music" despite not being the melody played over the last five episodes.

When we come back, Loki and Sylvie are approaching the door of the castle. Sylvie asks if he's going to tell her not to just kick the door in. He's like 'oh, because you would actually listen to me this time?' She says she'd like him to speak up if he thinks it's a bad idea.

Chrissy: You think all MY ideas are bad ideas, so how would that help?
Emilio: I'm obviously stalling.

She starts rambling about how she was pruned before he was even born and she's been trying to get to this moment her whole life, so...she needs a moment. Before she can do anything though, the doors creak open by themselves. They step cautiously into the entry, which is all done in ornate, gold streaked black.

Miss Minutes appears suddenly in front of them and they both draw their daggers. Apparently there was a cut scene - probably here - featuring a longer fight between them and the holographic clock person. Because the alligator wasn't insane enough, I guess. Miss Minutes recites a canned message welcoming them to the Citadel at the End of Time and "he's impressed" they made it. Sylvie pauses in her creeping around Miss Minutes to ask who "he" is. Miss Minutes is like 'well, He Who Remains, of course. Silly.' Loki waits for a second to see if there's anything else to that before prompting "and who is he?" Miss Minutes just says he "created all", "controls all" and "at the end, it is only He Who Remains." Anyway, he thinks he can make a deal with them because he's figured out a way to reinsert them into the timeline without causing a disruption or doing any damage to the TVA, which will continue as it was.

Loki prods her for more specifics and she says he can win the Battle of New York and kill Thanos and get the throne of Asgard AND the Infinity Gauntlet himself.

Chrissy: How is that not causing a disruption?
Diandra: Yeah, we're doing a whole series about this.

She turns to Sylvie and says she can wake up tomorrow with a whole lifetime of happy memories.

Chrissy: We're going to lobotomize you.
Diandra: Or plug you into the Matrix.
Chrissy: Yeah, that would probably make more sense.

Most importantly, they would be together. Which is batshit, but He Who Remains thinks he can make it work. Sylvie comes to the obvious conclusion that this is bullshit and they can't just replace their lives with a happy fairy tale. Loki says they're writing their own destiny now. Miss Minutes says "sure you do, good luck with that," in a tone that Southerners can probably recognize as being the same used when saying "oh, bless your heart" and disappears.

She reappears to Ravonna at the TVA and apologizes for the delay because "some things had to get worked out." She's downloading the files Ravonna asked for now. Ravonna picks up her temp pad, pushes a couple buttons and says these are not the files she asked for. Miss Minutes says He thought these would be more useful and disappears again.

Emilio: She is the real villain of this series, isn't she?
Diandra: Casey probably programmed her.
Emilio: [blank stare]
Diandra: Badgy!
Chrissy: If this is a "Star Trek" thing again...
Emilio: Maybe?
Diandra: You haven't seen "Lower Decks"?
Emilio: Like, two episodes.
Diandra: Oh, it's one of my favorites. Okay, just imagine if Clippy's personality was merged with Hal from "2001: A Space Odyssey" into an evil AI from Hell.
Chrissy: Okay, you really need to recap the "Star Trek" movies next. If for no other reason than you might get this out of your system.
Diandra: Oh, please. Like that would work.

Back in the Citadel at the End of Time, Loki and Sylvie creep down a hallway to another room with four statues, one of them broken on the floor. The entire interior of the building including the statutes is done in that gold veined black marble, by the way. Loki runs fingers through the thick layer of dust at the base of one of the statues and asks if they're sure this guy is actually still alive. Seemingly in answer to this, an elevator arrives behind the far doors and opens to a very amused Jonathan Majors. He gushes at the two Loki variants brandishing daggers at him that it is just "wild" to see them both here together like this and chomps on an apple. Sylvie asks if he's He Who Remains then. Around a mouthful of apple, He notes that the clock is still calling him that then. Okay. Cool. He invites them to come with him to his office so they can talk.

They follow warily, keeping their daggers pointed at him the whole way. He just continues to eat his apple and try to engage them in small talk. He notes that he isn't what they were expecting. Loki is like 'a human? Not really.' Sylvie notes that on the plus side, this makes him easier to kill. She takes a swing at him and he suddenly disappears and reappears on the bench behind them, giggling. Sylvie takes another swing and he repeats the dodge. On the third attempt, he disappears entirely. The elevator arrives at its destination and the doors open on his smirking face. He invites them in and goes to pour tea or something like none of that just happened. He sets the cups beside the two chairs in front of his desk and tells them to sit. They do very slowly, keeping their daggers pointed at him the whole time.

Back at the TVA, Ravonna is frantically jamming files in a bag when Mobius enters the office, a prune stick in hand. She just mildly notes that if anyone was going to come back from the Void, it makes sense that it would be him.

Chrissy: Any of the Loki variants, really. You do know you're one of them now, right?
Emilio: So we're going with that headcannon?
Diandra: She is, obviously.

She asks if he's planning on using that prune stick on her. He says that sounds like a neat idea, "but, you know, my standards might be a little bit higher in that area than yours."

Chrissy: Yeah, he doesn't jab just anybody with his prune stick.
Diandra: Sigh. Must you?
Chrissy: I think we both know the answer to that by now.

Anyway, he means he doesn't do that to friends. She says she's sorry about that betrayal, but she couldn't let him compromise the mission. He's not sure what that mission is, exactly, anymore seeing as they are all Variants answering to animatronic space lizards controlled by who the hell knows what. She's having a hard time adjusting, apparently, because she says she's convinced it can't possibly have all been "for nothing". She radios for a hunter to come to her office and Mobius says yeaaaaaahhhhhhh, that's probably not going to work because we all know "your secret" now. He pulls out the pen she was using on all the paperwork before.

We flashback...maybe...to Freemont, Ohio in 2018. B-15 takes cover in an office with a pencil cup on the desk full of those pens while hunters chase her. She tells the one that catches up to wait a minute and pre-TVA Ravonna - who was apparently principal or vice principal or something of this school - comes into the room to ask what the hell these people are doing in her office. The hunter is confused and B-15 says yeah, there's more where that came from.

Citadel at the End of Time. He Who Remains is rambling about all the years Sylvie spent running and describes Loki as a "flea on the back of a dragon" and it's really amazing they made it this far. Loki growls that He Who Remains doesn't seem to grasp the gravity of his predicament. "We found you." HWR snorts that that was kind of the idea. Sylvie, sick of this shit, gets up and takes another swing at him. He transports to the back of the chair, just past the dagger, before she can make contact and chuckles "so we're still doin' that, hmm?"

Chrissy: Yeah, she doesn't give up easy.

He pulls out a book and sets a couple sheets of paper in front of them as he explains that all their attempt to kill him are bound to fail because he knows exactly what's going to happen. Loki picks up one of the sheets, which is a printout - like the stack he signed in the first episode - of all the things that have been said in the past few minutes. He says this is a "parlor trick". HWR asks them to explain how he's able to get out of the way every time. Sylvie says the temp pad. He says yeah, but how is it loaded with all the details he needs for these particular interactions? It's because he has seen everything on the timeline. Shit the TVA doesn't even know about. He illustrates by talking about some details from the Nexus event on Lamentis, in particular the part where they were making goo goo eyes at each other as the apocalypse approached. Sylvie brushes it off and says they "broke out of your little game". He says no, they haven't. He was guiding them the whole way, making sure they got here in the end. So they're welcome.

He says he has the rest of how everything goes too, if they're interested. Sylvie asks why the hell they're here if there's only one predetermined way everything can go. He says something about not being able to complete the journey unless you've been changed by it.

Chrissy: Terms and conditions may be limited only to those defined as "heroes".
Emilio: Isn't the point of the Hero's Journey that they BECOME heroes without having to be heroes already at the beginning?
Diandra: I don't know how often stories send villains on a hero's journey. Maybe.

He says this all needs to happen so they can "finish the quest". Loki concludes that it's all a game then. A "manipulation". HWR thinks that's an interesting choice of word. He turns to Sylvie and asks if she thinks she can trust Loki. Or, like...anyone? She sort of looks awkwardly sideways at Loki like 'well, not really, but...'

TVA. Mobius thinks everyone is ready for the truth. Ravonna thinks the lie is necessary because there HAS to be a reason this place was created and they were given this purpose of safeguarding the Sacred Timeline. Mobius doesn't think she would be talking about necessity if she saw what happened to the stuff they pruned. She argues that for all they know that might be better than leaving the timeline to fall into chaos. He asks what about free will. She snorts that the only person who "gets" free will is "the one in charge".

Chrissy: You know, we have a name for people who are perfectly fine with living in a dictatorship as long as they agree with the dictator.
Emilio: Republicans?
Chrissy: I was going to say Trump supporters and Bernie Bros, but yeah, that works too.
Diandra: Extremists of all flavors. Just steamroll over everyone and disregard any objections or due process to get the shit I agree with done.

He stares for a minute, then reminds her of all the flowery shit she once said about their friendship before sending him into the Void to die. She yells that he BETRAYED her by siding with those Variants after everything she did for him.

She opens a door with her temp pad and he asks what she's doing. She non answers that it's what she NEEDS to do. He tries to stop her with an offer to rebuild the TVA into "something better." When she refuses, he powers up the prune stick in his hand. She says he's "of no danger" to her with that.

Emilio: Random blow to his manhood there.
Chrissy: Pffffttttt. What are you going to do with that little thing?
Diandra: Thanks. Really nice. At least the Lokis appreciate me.

He goes to jab her with the stick and she disarms him easily and kicks him to the ground. He groans and looks at her hovering over him with the armed stick. He tells her to just go ahead and do it. She disarms it and heads for the still open door. He asks where she's going. "In search of free will," she says.

Okay, now we're really gonna settle in for the eleventh hour exposition dump that may or may not have been the result of COVID messing with the MCU's entire lineup and forcing changes. You see, this show was originally supposed to air at about the same time "Multiverse of Madness" was in the theaters and "No Way Home" was still a few months off, which would have reinforced the whole facing off against an evil variant of yourself thing, but then both of those movies were put on hold so this show had to introduce it entirely alone after the weirdness that was Captain America fighting with a past self in "Endgame". He Who Remains says he gets that they have moral objections to what he and the TVA are doing, but without them "everything burns." He says he's been called many things over time, like a dick and (Kang the) Conqueror, but he should probably explain what is meant by "He Who Remains" now.

He flicks a little blob of gold veined black goop onto the desk from the control thing on his wrist and it starts behaving much like the sand display stuff they use in Wakanda. It forms a little model of him as he explains that before the TVA, a scientist variant of him lived on 31st century Earth, where he discovered that the multiverse was a thing. As did several other variants of him. And they figured out how to contact each other and travel between those universes. And after a narcissistic circle jerk they started sharing technology and knowledge across universes, including finding that one idiot kid in San Francisco and teaching him how to control multiversal travel.

Chrissy: We managed to get this far without a reference to "Sliders". I'm not sure if I should be impressed by your restraint or baffled at all the "Star Trek" references you went through instead to get here.
Diandra: "Star Trek" has multiverse shit too. It's just mixed in with all the other sci fi shit that applies to lots of other things.

Of course, not every version of HWR was so...noble minded. Some of them saw other universes as places to be "conquered".

Chrissy: And some saw the other variants as people to be "conquered".
Diandra: Just because the Lokis are into selfcest doesn't mean everybody is.
Emilio: Well...He definitely is too.
Diandra: Yeah, he did just admit to being a narcissist somewhere in there, didn't he?

So it turned into a war between variants and universes because, hi, human nature. The black goo forms into several variants locked in a battle with spears like an ancient statue depicting some mythological bullshit. Unsurprisingly, a big multiversal war nearly caused the end of everything. Sylvie is like 'yeah, I saw this part of the propoganda video. This is when the Time Keepers intervened and saved everyone.' HWR is like 'cute little bedtime story, right? Yeah. Here's what really happened.' He says the original variant found a "creature" that had been created by all their fucking with the fabric of reality. It could consume time and space. He prompts them like a school teacher to name that creature because they both know it now. Loki grumbles "Alioth"

Emilio: Hey, maybe you aren't so dumb after all.
Chrissy: Ha. Cute. Are you Sylvie or He Who Is Not Named right now?
Emilio: Yes.

HWR switches from the third person to the first, saying HE captured the creature and experimented on it and weaponized it. And he ended the war between universes by isolating "our timeline" and managing its flow to "prevent any further branches" via a bureaucratic organization that unwittingly sends anything not meant to be to Alioth in the name of some all knowing space lizards its employees think created them. He gets excited at this point, jumping on top of the desk as he rants about how all these things created eons of "cosmic harmony" and they are welcome. The Lokis are unimpressed. He dissolves his little multimedia presentation and jumps back down, saying they came to kill the devil, but, you know, he's actually keeping them - and literally EVERYONE ELSE - safe so he's closer to the other guy. But "if you think I'm evil, well...just wait 'til you meet my variants." So, in conclusion, their choices are "stifling order or cataclysmic chaos." And if they "dispose" of him, something worse can always fill the Dictator-shaped void.

Chrissy: Feel free to apply this to literally any time a dictator or dictator wannabe was in charge anywhere throughout history.
Diandra: Yeah, I think I mentioned that in my Marvel novella. It's the thing that always comes up in alt history "what ifs". As bad as the one guy is, the alternative could very well be a whole lot worse. And it isn't limited to people. If you prevented the Titanic disaster, the next luxury liner to go down might have taken EVEN MORE people with it.

HWR claims he's gone through every possible scenario and concluded this was the only way that would work. Sylvie suggests an alternative: he's full of shit and all that was lies. He smirks at her like 'yeah, sure. Obviously I'm never going to convince you, so.' Loki asks what happens now then. He just goes back to "pruning" divergent timelines? HWR says nope, they can do it. Because as he sees it, they have two choices here: kill him, destroy the citadel, the TVA, etc. and instead of "one devil, you have an infinite amount". Or the two of them can run it. Because he's tired of being the one in charge.

Chrissy: Just how desperate do you have to be to hand your job to anyone else that you will give control over preventing the multiverse from falling into chaos over to the God of Chaos?
Emilio: REALLY TIRED.

He says he's gone through a bunch of scenarios again trying to find someone who could take over the job and "it turns out that person came in two."

Chrissy: Just how badly did it go with all the Doctor Strange variants? I assume he was in at least some of those scenarios.
Diandra: Yeah, this is where the fact that this and his second movie were supposed to be at the same time might have come into play. There's probably something in that movie that proves he would be terrible at it. Or, like...all the variants including the one who destroyed his whole universe play more important roles somewhere else.

So, HWR circles back to the choice between killing him and the Sacred Timeline and returning to the multiversal war or become the new, benevolent rulers of the TVA. They can even tell everyone who works for the TVA who they really are and what the purpose of the place is. Sylvie is still stuck on the fact that he has been treating people's lives like it's a game. He argues that all the decisions were practical. She says it was very PERSONAL to her. He snaps and yells at her to grow up. Because they are ALL villains who have a history of horrible behavior, but at least this way they can do terrible things for a good reason.

Chrissy: I guess that is some sort of terrifying logic.
Diandra: And circling back to the Doctor Strange variants thing, this is probably your answer. The guy who fucked off to the Arctic circle to avoid taking sides during the Mutant Registration Act War and couldn't separate from Steve Rogers after Gamora mutated them together because it gave him a crisis of ethics probably wouldn't be good at making the sort of decisions HWR has been making.

There's a rumbling noise outside and HWR drops the giddy act and starts looking around worriedly. "We just crossed the threshold," he says. He picks up a thing on his desk and lets it drop experimentally. He turns back to them like 'yeah, so I was lying about one thing.' He said he knew how this entire encounter would go, but he only knew up to a certain point, which they are now past.

Chrissy: Plot convenience, that.

We pan outside the citadel, where the beam of "sacred timeline" running through it starts branching as it comes out as he says no, really, he has no idea what's going to happen from now on. Loki says that's it then? "This is what happens at the end of time?"

Emilio: We don't even get a decent restaurant that serves sentient cows?
Diandra: I was wondering when that reference was going to come up. Thanks, Emilio.
Chrissy: Side note: I'm starting to understand that thing you said about getting distracted by Tom's voice, D, because I can FEEL it vibrating through the floor right now.
Diandra: Yeah, I had just gotten a new speaker system when this show first came on and I could feel his voice rumbling through the floor, the couch, the inside of my ribcage...it distracted me from the actual words. Luckily, I'm used to it by now so I don't have that problem anymore.
Emilio: I'm glad you said "ribcage" after "couch" there.
Diandra: Yeah, I'm trying not to be crude because...
Chrissy: Oh, his voice always has an effect on THAT.
Diandra: ......because that's Chrissy's job.

Anyway. Loki says so now he's just going to sit back and let THEM decide his fate? HWR says yes, absolutely! "What's the worst that can happen?"

Chrissy, Diandra and Emilio: [collective groan]

He says it's sort of win-win in the sense that either they take this burden off his hands and continue his "life's work" or they kill him and allow an infinite number of hims to wreak havoc and he'll probably end up right back here as a sort of reincarnation to try to stop Multiversal War II. Sylvie is still stuck on the idea that everything he says is a lie or a manipulation and Loki sighs.

Emilio: Hey, one of us has to be the skeptic. We can't all be Fox Mulder.
Diandra: Okay, I think we can stop the random references now.

HWR insists he's not lying. He takes the controller thing off his wrist and sets it on their side of the desk, rambling about honesty and fresh starts.

There's a pause and the only noise is the distant rumbling thunder and the fire crackling in the fireplace along the wall. And then Sylvie and Loki both jump up at the same time, her to stab HWR and him to hold her back. She spins on Loki and asks what the FUCK he thinks he's doing. HWR watches them like this is a particularly entertaining stage play while they argue. She suggests they put off this argument until after they finish what they came here for. She lunges for HWR again and Loki pulls her back via magic. They fight each other for a bit and when she pauses he asks what if HWR is NOT lying. Because he's starting to believe him. She sneers that he really thinks a bunch of bad guys will show up just because they grant everyone free will. Loki says yes, he's obviously insane, but he's not LYING. Because if ever anyone could tell when someone is lying it's another professional liar. HWR pipes up that they'd better hurry up and make a decision because the timeline is branching out there.

Emilio: Also, I can hear the whole 'he's crazy' thing. I'm right here.
Chrissy: Why are you He Who Remains as well as Sylvie?
Emilio: Sorry. I think I'm getting used to being the bad guy.

Loki wants them to think about it for a minute. Sylvie doesn't know what, exactly, there is to THINK about. Loki asks if she heard a word he just said. The whole remove the dictator and create a vacuum thing? She accuses Loki of wanting to go the Take Over the TVA route because he wants the "throne". He says what? No. They literally are deciding the fate of the universe as they know it. And HWR might be right about things being even worse if they kill him. Sylvie stubbornly launches into accusations that he can't be trusted and has been conning her this whole time so he could rule the TVA. Or something. He's like 'oh, FINE, see if I care since you obviously never trusted me this whole time and thought I was just working some evil plan.' She questions how they're seeing this from such different perspectives if they are variants of the same person. He says because "you can't trust and I can't be trusted." She lunges again and they fight and the subtitles are just all variations of grunting and groaning again.

She magic blasts him into a wall. He magics things in front of her to try to stop her advancing at HWR again. He runs in front of her and produces a dagger to deflect hers after apparently being disarmed a little while ago. She backs him onto the desk. He pushes her back again, yelling that it doesn't matter if he's lying or not, the risk of doing the wrong thing is too great. She tips his dagger toward her chest and invites him to kill her then and claim his throne. He refuses to. After a couple more blows, she does something to magic him away. He reappears as she's swinging at HWR's head, blocking her. He just tells her to stop and when she actually hesitates, he says he's been where she is now. And he doesn't want to hurt her and he doesn't care about having a throne anymore. "I just want you to be okay." She drops the dagger and kisses him. Then before we can think that actually worked, she says she's not him, opens a door back to the TVA and shoves him through it, closing it before he can come back through.

So true story...when I went to see "Rise of the Skywalker" in the theater there was this one guy who yelled in outrage when Rey and Kylo Ren kissed. I am wondering now, how many people were doing that during this scene of this show too because it seems to have the same vibe and I saw several "we all hated this episode" comments online after it dropped.

Chrissy: I mean...what were they expecting?
Diandra: I don't know. Loki and Mobius to be more of a thing? God, that sounds like those assholes dismissing criticism of that last episode of "Sherlock" as just being from pissed off shippers.
Chrissy: Well, there might be some of that, but all I saw was positive response and very high ratings for the show, so they're probably in the minority opinion. I would think the bigger problem would be the fact that we just went through half an episode of exposition instead of the expected resolution.
Diandra: Yeah, hold that thought for a bit. We'll circle back to that.

Sylvie turns to HWR, who is still watching this like he's just wishing he had thought to make popcorn. He giggles as she sweeps his entire desk aside and starts menacing toward him. She asks if he's going to beg for his life. He says well, he COULD, but... She stabs the dagger into his gut. "See you soon," he chuckles before slumping over. She staggers back, probably realizing that wasn't as rewarding as she'd hoped it would be, and collapses to the ground crying. We pan out the window behind HWR to the branching timestream that's looking less like a line and more like a chaotic web of galaxies.

Back at the TVA, the monitor is showing branches everywhere going past the red line. Mobius says there's no turning back now. B-15 is like 'good' and they do the "for all time, always" call and response at each other.

Meanwhile, Loki is still in the room he was banished to, crying or trying to stop crying. He gets up and runs through several locations of the TVA, past scrambling agents. He finds Mobius and B-15 in the library (which...here's your first clue something's off), looking at a pad that is identifying 60 new branches "in this unit alone". "Does he want us to just let them all branch," B-15 asks. Mobius doesn't know how they could stop that. Loki cuts in to say they can't stop it because "it's done. We made a terrible mistake." They freed the timeline after finding "him beyond the storm" in a "citadel at the end of time". And now someone is coming. Or rather, many versions of one very dangerous someone and they need to prepare for a war and... Mobius calmly tells him to breathe and slow down. "You're an analyst, right? What division are you from?" Loki blinks in confusion so he adds "what's your name?" As Loki slowly realizes he's in a different reality where none of them knows who he is, he steps over to the balcony and looks up in horror at a giant statue of He Who Remains, possibly where there had been one of the Time Keepers before.

We smash to credits and instead of a mid credit scene this time, we get a close up of Loki's TVA case file as it is stamped with the words "Loki will return in season 2", becoming the first of all the Disney+ Marvel series to do this after the other two insisted they were one-off miniseries.This might partly explain why the buildup in action bafflingly ended with an eleven minute exposition dump and never really concluded anything. The rest probably boils down to COVID some way or another.

Chrissy: You were talking a few recaps back about how COVID impacted the story the MCU had planned, forcing a bunch of reshuffling, rewrites, reshoots, etc. I think you said it wouldn't be as noticeable once we got past stuff that was filming during the initial wave, but we're obviously not there yet and I'm not sure the stuff coming out now isn't showing cracks either.
Diandra: Yeah, I think somebody pointed out that Marvel had everything scheduled so far in advance that delaying, like, two movies had a domino effect on everything. And things that were able to finish filming got pushed into different order. Like "WandaVision" coming before "Falcon and the Winter Soldier", which didn't screw up much other than jarring audiences with the difference coming off of the movies. But the introduction of all the multiversal stuff is now...wonky because this was supposed to be released at about the same time as "Multiverse of Madness" and before "No Way Home".
Emilio: Which explains why that ending should have a major effect on everything that came after it but didn't.
Diandra: Yeah, I'm assuming "Multiverse of Madness" will still at least be running parallel to this since they're both dealing with shit coming from other universes.
Chrissy: So we can look forward to Doctor Strange and Loki interacting again outside of fanfiction, probably.
Diandra: Trust you to focus on that detail.
Chrissy: Says the slash writer who has written a couple hundred pages of different variations on Hiddlebatch.
Diandra: Two. It's only two variations.
Chrissy: Only because you keep refusing to do that "Only Lovers Left Alive" crossover. Or the How to Stop Time crossover.
Diandra: [deep breath]
Chrissy: Yes, I know you said we don't know that will actually be a thing, but when have details like that ever stopped a fanfiction writer?
Diandra: Yeah. Anyway. I'm sure we'll talk a lot more about how the changes in scheduling and release order impacted the storyline when we get to "No Way Home". And by then we should know how many of the insane Qfanon theories surrounding "Multiverse of Madness" proved to actually be true.

Emilio: Back up a second...Hiddlebatch is an actual thing? I thought it was just you combining two obsessions.
Diandra: I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that you think I invented a ship that's been around for at least a decade. Welcome to the fandom.
Chrissy: I find it particularly hilarious how baffled they are by it, even after Benedict once answered a question with something about a Doctor Who/Sherlock/Loki "fuck fantasy".

Diandra: As I recall, he added something like "get on that, Internet," at the end of that like it didn't already exist by that point and he thought we needed ideas. But to answer your question, Emilio...maybe...fans arrived at that pairing the same way we arrive at any pairing: by exploiting the chemistry between two people. It's just that in this case, those two people are actors and the vibe they give off is due to them actually being friends outside of a work context so it gets applied to all variations of their characters, a couple of which share universes so it would hardly be a stretch to figure out how to get them to interact.

Chrissy: I love how you put so much thought into the psychology of something that is basically the grown up equivalent of a kid playing with various action figures, Barbies and/or My Little Ponies with flagrant disregard for logical storytelling.
Diandra: And that's different from what Neil Gaiman does whenever he writes for Marvel comics how?
Emilio: She has a point there.
Chrissy: It isn't, no. That's kind of the beauty of fanfiction. It doesn't have to make sense. You can just throw any characters you like together even if they are played by the same actor in completely different franchises and see how long it takes for them to make out.
Diandra: And now that we've come back around to selfcest and the fact that this show didn't invent it...
Emilio: Did we ever leave that?
Diandra: Hmm. We cool if I do quick jogs through the next couple things in the MCU? Because I really don't think I want to do full recaps of "Shang Chi" and "Hawkeye".
Emilio: You forgot about "Eternals".
Diandra: No, I didn't, but I'm trying to.
Chrissy: If you want to take a break from Marvel for a while, we could always do the "Star Trek" movies. Based on what Emilio said earlier, I think we could invite him to play all the villains.
Diandra: This is going to be the new "Night Manager", is it?
Chrissy: Or you could do that, as long as you're bringing it up.
Diandra: Sigh.