"Never Been Kissed"

Staring: Drew Barrymore, David Arquette, Michael Vartan, Molly 
Shannon, Leelee Sobieski and brief appearances by John C. 
Reilly as Gus and Gary Marshall as whatshisname.

Directed by Raja Gosnell and written by Abby Kohn and Marc 
Silverstein, both of whom will be getting a bill from my 
psychiatrist.


We begin in a baseball field with Josie Geller (Drew 
Barrymore) standing on the pitcher's mound, people cheering in 
the stands and five minutes on the big er...blinking clock. 
"You know how in some movies they have a dream sequence, only 
they don't *tell* you it's a dream," Josie asks. "This is SO 
not a dream!" Oh, great. Is she going to talk like this the 
whole movie? 

Now, since the rest of us have no idea what the heck is going 
on, she flashes back to a couple months earlier to explain it 
all. Just so we know there's been a time shift, Josie says, 
"Two months ago you couldn't even have picked me out of a 
crowd." We follow a fairly striking blonde through a crowd of 
people walking down a street. This is not Josie. Josie says 
ha, made you look, and we pan over to see her. She looks...for 
want of a better word 'frumpy'. 

She arrives at work and tells us that she's the youngest copy 
editor at the Chicago Sun Times. She even has her own office 
and "professional, dedicated assistant." Yeah, not so much. 
He's actually an egotistical prick who is so busy talking on 
the phone that he can't listen to her instructions and who 
treats her like *she* works for *him*. 

Josie enters her office and barely sits down before Anita 
(Molly Shannon) bursts in, strikes a dramatic pose and asks 
Josie to guess who she "did it with last night". Which 
basically sets the tone for her character right away. Insanely 
perky nymphomaniac, anyone? Josie's boss...I guess...maybe her 
direct superior...comes in and drops some papers on her desk. 
He announces that the computer's down, but hopefully the copy 
is misoewnolwifjlani. Sorry, but I can't understand a word 
he's saying here. Apparently Josie can, though, and corrects 
his grammar. Yeah, I bet she's the life of the party...

Bossman - okay, Gus - ignores her and informs Anita that he 
heard she slept with some guy in the office last night and 
"don't make me send you another memo on inter-office dating". 
Speaking of party poopers... Josie says it's INTRA-office and 
they're not dating, they're just having sex. If she keeps 
doing this I may have to jab a pen in my eye. Gus proves 
himself to be a big softie by revealing that he has fired 
Anita eight times, but obviously keeps letting her come back 
anyway.

Gus and Josie spew a bit more set-up dialogue to establish 
that Josie really wants to be a reporter. He says she wouldn't 
want to do that because it's messy work and she's all about 
"control". "I can be out of control," she scoffs. He tilts the 
plaque on her door sideways and walks away. She manages to 
resist the urge to straighten it - proving that she is, in 
fact, a control freak - for about a half a second.

Later that day, Josie, Anita and some other woman who is not 
all that important are having lunch and discussing their love 
lives. Anita asks Josie when the last time was that she "went 
on a real, live date". Josie responds with "I'm concentrating 
on my career right now." So...never? And do all Chinese food 
boxes have the same freakin' pattern on them? What? Oh... 
sorry. Small distraction. Won't happen again, I swear. "The 
right guy is out there somewhere," Josie says confidently. And 
he has dark hair, hazel/green eyes, a funny looking nose and 
speaks French fluently. I'm getting ahead of myself again, 
aren't I?

Josie says when she "kisses a guy", she'll know. Anita says 
wait a friggin' minute, you've never even *kissed* a guy? 
Josie gets defensive and says oh, sure, she's kissed *several* 
guys before. Probably not. "I just haven't had...that 
*thing*." Other Friend asks if that's what the kids are 
calling it now days. Well, that either, but that's not the 
point. "That moment when you kiss someone," Josie clarifies. 
"And everything around you becomes hazy...and you realize that 
that person is the only person you're supposed to kiss for the 
rest of your life." Somebody's been reading too many romance 
novels...oh, she's not done. "And you wanna laugh and you 
wanna cry 'cause you feel so lucky that you found it and so 
*scared* that it'll go away all at the same time." Other 
Friend says "Damn girl. You *are* a writer!" Yeah, 
unfortunately, I don't think a newspaper would have much need 
for somebody who writes *fiction*.

Now we get a little moment of Josie sitting at home all alone 
stitching pillows and talking to her turtles to prove just how 
lonely - and slightly pathetic - she is. She's already at the 
equivalent of an old lady with cats.

Back at the office, in a large meeting room, we meet the Big 
Cheese (Gary Marshall). He announces the start of the meeting 
by whacking a chair with a big stick and firing the guy 
closest to him. Then he announces that they're doing another 
"undercover feature". Blah blah, how much do we know about 
high school students - assuming we even want to know 
*anything*? Gary's column idea: "My Semester in High School". 
He points at Josie and asks her what her name is. She manages 
to stammer it out without throwing up all over the table and 
he tells her "you enroll Friday!" I assume he picked her 
because she's the only one who looks young enough to pass for 
a high school student.

Anita follows Josie to her office and tells her she should 
consider turning the job down because it's a major piece and 
the guy Gary just fired is his *cousin*. Gus shows up and says 
something similar. Josie is insulted that they don't think she 
can handle the job. After all, she taught Anita Spanish (so 
she could seduce some Latino guy in the office, naturally) and 
taught Gus how to knit! Anita gives Gus an odd look at this 
little revelation. Gus gives in - what a surprise - and Josie 
hugs him so enthusiastically that he threatens to send her a 
memo on inter/intra-office hugging. 

Josie goes to see her brother Robert (David Arquette) to ask 
if she can borrow his car, since hers is not exactly the kind 
of car a high school student would own. She says she needs a 
"cheap car". Robert looks offended. She tries again with, "a 
vintage classic." Considering the car, I'd say "pile of junk" 
would be more accurate. He calls it "Bambi", by the way. She 
says it's weird that he names his cars. Why? I know people who 
do that. Not me, of course...um...anyway. He points out that 
guys name their penises. Hmm...does that confirm the existence 
of the whole penis-to-car relationship? She offers to let him 
have her Buick LeSaber in the meantime. How's that for a 
blatant product placement?

More exposition. Robert sells packing material. He wanted to 
play baseball and he would have made the college team if it 
hadn't been for that really bad case of mono. Josie tells him 
about her new assignment. "You're kidding, right," he asks. 
"Do you remember high school? Do you remember what they called 
you?" Flashback of a bunch of brats shouting "Josie Grossie". 
Then he asks Josie what's wrong, "you look nauseous." 
"Nauseated," she mutters and runs for the bathroom. Oh, goody, 
I was hoping she would keep up the annoying grammar lessons...

After she's finished throwing up, she pulls some toilet paper 
off the roll and triggers another flashback. High School Josie 
is walking down the hall, totally oblivious to the kid 
stuffing toilet paper in her backpack and then emptying a can 
of Sprite (more product placement!) into it. Oh, this is 
triggering some bad memories...whimper. She walks up to her 
crush, Billy, and starts babbling like the geeky, love-struck 
teenager she is just as the Sprite starts to stream out onto 
the floor, causing Billy to laugh at her. Back in the present, 
Josie stares at the bathroom mirror and High School Josie 
stares back. They both say, "this is a very bad idea!"

And yet, she's going to go through with it anyway, because the 
next scene starts with her pulling up outside the high school 
in "Bambi". The second she stops, the car backfires VERY 
LOUDLY and sends up a huge cloud of smoke. Josie gets out 
wearing an all-white-80s-reject of an outfit complete with a 
feather boa. Real inconspicuous... She starts bopping her head 
awkwardly, trying desperately to look cool and failing. Then 
she leaves about a foot of the boa stuck in the car door.

A guy stops her as she enters the building and asks where 
she's going. She says, "the high school...'cause I'm a high 
school student. I'm here with my fellow students! Hey guys!" 
Yeah, she won't stick out like a nun in a singles bar. The guy 
points at the metal detector she was about to walk right past, 
as he wonders what the heck her problem is. Then he rifles 
through her bag and confiscates her nail file. Is this a high 
school or an airport?

Josie is walking down the hall when a bell rings and the 
hallway just *clears*, leaving her all alone. Yeah, because 
that's SO realistic. Roll eyes. She runs *really* awkwardly to 
get to class. Methinks those pants are a little too tight. 
When she arrives, she tells the teacher she's sorry she's 
late. The teacher says she's sorry she didn't take her hot 
flash medication today. Way...too...much...information. Josie 
takes her seat as a couple of "cool girls" (read: bitches) 
snicker and joke about five chickens having to die so Josie 
could look that stupid. The teacher, meanwhile, plops a big 
ass sombrero on her head and says, "Ten minutes in that hat 
and you'll never be late again."

As Josie is introducing herself to the class, the "cute boy" 
of the school walks in, triggering a brief hallucination. So, 
Josie ends up saying "My name is Josie Geller...I'm from... 
Billy?" Oops. She tries to cover herself by saying that 
"Billy" is a suburb of Bali Proper. Teacher asks what her 
family did there. She sees another student's shirt featuring a 
ram or something and says they were sheep farmers. Yeah, 
that'll help her fit *right* in! Not. And what is wrong with 
her makeup? Her lipstick is awful! 

She 'takes notes' on her tape recorder as she's walking 
through the halls between classes. "Research Bali. KILL Anita 
for picking up this outfit." ANITA? She seems to have better 
fashion sense than that! I'm thinking she did it to get even 
with Josie for something... Josie pauses, then says, "find and 
destroy sombrero." 

Her next class is English. Oh, goody! The teacher (Michael 
Vartan) enters the room and says "good morning" cheerfully. 
The class just mumbles some vague semblance of a response, 
sounding completely bored already. Wow. Déjà vu. Then he 
realizes there's a 'new student' in the class. He seems 
surprised, although that makes little sense because teachers 
usually get memos informing them well in advance when they're 
getting a new student. There I go again, confusing reality 
with movies... He introduces himself as Sam...er...Mr. 
Coulson, then launches right into the class. The "class geek" 
(Leelee Sobieski), who is sitting right next to Josie, offers 
to share her book.

Sam is teaching Shakespere's "As You Like It". He says it's a 
pastoral comedy and writes "pastoral" on the board, asking if 
anybody knows what it means. An eager ditzbrain says "Yeah, 
that's what they do to milk!" Sam very patiently explains that 
no, dear, that's *pasteurize*. She gets a frustrated look and 
blurts, "Parakeet?" Beat. Head. On. Wall. Don't laugh, my 
mother recently told me about a student of hers that still - 
IN HIGH SCHOOL - doesn't know the difference between a country 
and a continent. She thinks Europe is part of France and 
"North America" and "The United States" is the same thing. 
"Anyone else," Sam asks desperately. Josie gives a long-
winded, dictionary-perfect answer. Sam just blinks at her in 
shock and asks, "Are you sure you're seventeen?" Gee...I 
wonder what would make him ask that? If Josie were an 
undercover government agent, this country would be in serious 
trouble...

Next is lunch, where Josie is given some completely disgusting 
food by a man who is missing several teeth. And the clichés 
just keep on comin'! She tries to sit with the cool bitches, 
making the mistake of referring to the head bitch as "Kristen" 
instead of "Kirsten", although "Kristen" *is* the name of 
*one* of the other of the bitches. Josie spills her drink all 
over herself as she tries to sit down and jokes, "That'll 
teach me to wear white jeans after Labor Day." One of the 
bitches (probably Kristen) says "I don't think you're supposed 
to wear white jeans after 1983." Josie ignores her comment and 
starts very OBVIOUSLY interviewing the girls by taking out a 
pen and paper and asking what their hopes and dreams are with 
an expectant look. AUGH! 

The "cute boy" walks over to the table and introduces himself 
as Guy. Josie acts like a complete doofus ('yes, you *are* a 
guy!') until he gives her a weird look and asks, "Are you in 
special ed?" HA! As she's walking away, she mutters, "How OLD 
am I?" Some math geek standing next to Leelee says 6,350 days 
but "that's subject for adjustment for month of birth." Should 
that be it's subject TO adjustment? Oh, great...now *I'm* 
doing it! Then he makes this wheezy noise that vaguely 
resembles a laugh. God help me.

Gym class. The kids are doing laps and the teacher is yelling 
at Josie to run faster, she's lagging behind. She grabs the 
teacher and gasps "must...have...water." The teacher tells her 
to complete her run because otherwise she'll fail gym class 
"and if you fail gym, you're never getting into college." 
Josie asks "You guys are still telling that lie?" Oh trust me, 
that's just a drop in the bucket, sweetie!

At the end of the day, Josie walks out of the building to find 
her car missing. Leelee shows up to explain that there's a 
group of guys that always pull that prank on the new kids - 
hide their car and sit by a window upstairs watching them look 
for it. Leelee introduces herself as Aldys and says her mother 
was going through her harlequin romance phase when she named 
her. My mother almost named me after a character in a romance 
novel. Thank god that character's name was Jillian. Aldys?!

They go to a coffee shop where Josie asks Aldys her "what are 
you hopes and dreams" question. Aldys rattles off a whole 
friggin' list that ends with 'go to North Western'. Josie 
gasps, "I went there!" Oy. "For what," Aldys asks warily. 
"Um...just once to use the bathroom," Josie covers lamely. She 
is saved when her phone rings. It's Gus. He's knitting. Hee. 
She actually manages to make a believable cover for once by 
saying "Yeah, hi, dad! I miss you too!" It turns out Gus is 
not very happy with her idea to do a feature on cafeteria 
food. Honestly, I see his point. Like we don't already know it 
sucks? 

Josie and Aldys find her car in the middle of the football 
field where the band is practicing. Aldys says they usually 
disconnect the battery too and pops the hood to re-connect it. 
Why is the band playing the theme song from "The Simpsons"? 
Aldys offers to let Josie join the geek squad - a.k.a. "The 
Denominators". They can "offer her a certain amount of 
protection" and "make her an offer she can't refuse". Okay, 
maybe not that last part... Then we get a montage of the 
things she does with the geek squad. Let's just fast forward a 
bit...

And we're back in English class, discussing Shakespere's ever-
popular theme of disguise. Blah blah blah "when we're in 
disguise we feel freer," Sam says. "We do things we wouldn't 
do in ordinary life." Then he picks on the class jock and asks 
what happens when he goes on the field in uniform. The jock, 
true to character, screams "WE KICK ASS!" Hey, at least he's 
conscious, which is more than I can say for some of the jocks 
I used to know... Sam elaborates, "You yell, you hit people, 
you touch other guys butts!" Actually, I'm thinking those 
first two are things he WOULD do normally. The jock turns an 
interesting shade of red while the rest of the class giggles. 
Sam reassures him that it's okay because he's in uniform and 
that "changes all the rules." 

Then he goes off on a tangent...I think. Something about pee-
wee hockey, but I really have no idea because while he's 
talking he picks up a hockey stick, bats a puck off his desk, 
knocks it back and forth in front of him a bit, flips it up in 
the air, bounces it off the stick a couple times, drops it and 
shoots it across the room. Show off. Yeah, okay, it's pretty 
impressive - if for no reason other than the fact that he's 
chattering away calmly the whole time - but it's distracting 
the hell out of me. Something about getting a helmet signed by 
Gordy Howe...or Gordy Hal, I'm not sure. I'm not a big sports 
fan, so I don't really recognize any hockey players beyond 
Wayne Gretsky. The class stares at him blankly. "C'mon guys, 
Gordy Howe!" Obviously they have no idea who he is either. 
"Okay," he relents. "He was like the Tiger Woods of hockey." 
The class erupts into a murmur of 'oh, yeah, okay'. There's 
that déjà vu again...

Sam finally gets to the freakin' point and says that when he 
wore that helmet he played better...or at least differently 
since he got himself thrown out of a game once for fighting. 
"Disguise can be liberating. It can get you to do things you 
never thought possible." You said that already, honey. Of 
course, these are high school kids, so that's actually 
probably not enough... He looks right at Josie as he says 
this. Oh ho ho, yeah. There's that irony. Then he asks her to 
read page blah blah of act blah. She gives him several shy 
little smiles as she does this. Why doesn't she just write "I 
*heart* Sam" all over her notebook while she's at it? 

As she reads, Sam walks past High School Josie in some 
parallel universe, who is reading a poem she wrote - about 
Billy, of course - to some English class of years passed while 
the other students laugh. Wow, she is using some really *big* 
words. Mellifluous? I'm sure most high school students would 
have no idea what the heck that means. Embarrassingly, I 
didn't either. I had to look it up. Then some girl bursts into 
the school library sometime later and barrels up to High 
School Josie to tell her that Billy is asking her to the prom. 
They don't know why, but High School Josie seems to think it 
has something to do with her poem. Oh, that can't be good... 

And we're back with Josie as the bell rings. Wait, was she 
just standing there, staring at her book and daydreaming for 
the last several minutes? Huh? Sam fulfills one of Hollywood's 
biggest classroom clichés by shouting a reminder that 
everybody's paper is due next week as the students head for 
the door. Josie tries to get into her locker, but some couple 
is leaning against it playing tonsil hockey. As she's trying 
to get their attention, there's an announcement over the P.A. 
system that the theme for the prom is...Millennium! Gee, how 
original. Aldys tells Josie that the school competes every 
year for 'best prom'. Why? Why why WHY? Guy and some of his 
cohorts walk by discussing a new "cool, hip" word he's 
invented: Rufus. Sweetie, that's not a word that's something 
you'd name your Golden Retriever. 

That night, Aldys, Josie and some other unimportant girl are 
driving down the road, singing at the top of their lungs. 
Leelee Sobieski = Helen Hunt Junior. Seriously. They stop 
briefly by the 'cool kids' hangout (called "The Court"), or as 
Aldys calls it "cheap wine coolers and a fire in a trash can". 
Guy calls her "Alpo" and throws a few insults before they 
drive away. This makes Josie weepy for some reason as they 
try to convince themselves that the hangout is "lame". Moving 
on.

At work, Gus slaps a rival newspaper on his desk, open to an 
article titled "The Court: Site for Parties, Drugs and Weekend 
Arrests". Let's just say he's not happy. "THIS is where the 
stories are," he yells. "You will become 'friends' with these 
people!" Easier said than done, pal. He asks if she even knows 
them. She says yeah, they hid my car... He tells her to get to 
know them. "Your job and my job depends on it!" She says okay, 
but "Um...by the way it's *depend*, because there's no 's' for 
subjects plural..." "OUT," he screams. Heh.

When she gets home, Robert is sitting on her couch watching a 
baseball game. She shows him the article and whimpers "I can't 
do it." He looks at the picture of the three bitches drools a 
bit and says "Damn! These are high school girls?!" Sicko. "In 
high school, all I wanted was to be accepted," she admits. 
"And they just tortured me." I feel your pain, honey. Really. 
She says she can't go back to South Glen South. Robert says 
really? SGS? They have the BEST baseball team! Josie says 
yeah, hi, can we focus on my problem over here? Thanks. He 
points out that she's an adult now, she's not Josie Grossie 
anymore. And being popular isn't hard "all you need is the 
right person. One person to think you're cool and you're in. 
Everyone else'll be too scared to question them." Yeah, that's 
nice in theory, but - and trust me here - it's utter bullshit. 
Blah blah, moving on.

The next day, she arrives at school dressed MUCH better than 
she was before. A big ole van pulls up behind her and she 
recognizes the driver as George (Although, just to warn y'all, 
I might accidentally refer to him as Charlie once or twice. I 
don't know why...he looks like a Charlie, I guess). She gets 
in the van - which is set up with a lot of surveillance 
equipment - and Charlie sticks a pin on her sweater, 
announcing that it's a "hidden camera". She really thinks she 
should talk to Gus about this first. "Geller, stop being such 
a pain in the ass," a voice booms out of some speaker 
somewhere. She says "Gus?" He snits "No, it's the great and 
powerful Oz!" Heh. Snort. His new plan is to record everything 
the camera picks up, review the tapes and find her story for 
her.

George hands her the "battery transmitter" and she sticks it 
in...I don't know, the side of her bra? Then she bends over to 
climb out and we plainly see the blinking red light under her 
sweater. Oy vey. George turns on the monitor and sees the 
backs of the three bitches as Josie runs up the stairs...then 
he sees the floor...then some people's legs. "I'm okay," Josie 
mumbles. Hee.

English. Is this the only class she goes to anymore? Um... 
okay, I'm not going to go there. She's reading her paper to 
the class while Sam lounges on his desk looking vaguely doe-
eyed at her. Ahem! Keeping in mind that he supposedly thinks 
she's seventeen years old...ack. Speaking of sickos... Then 
there's a rather pointless conversation between Anita and Gus 
about love. He is a lonely man who has no concept of the word 
and Anita seems to be hitting on him for some reason. Why? Who 
the hell knows... Maybe he's the only guy in the office she 
hasn't slept with yet.

The over-amorous couple is still blocking Josie's locker. She 
asks if they can work out some kind of schedule or something. 
Snerk. Aldys shows up and says "I'll see you tonight at 7:30?" 
Um...ah...oh shit. Josie says yes, meaning no. Then a group of 
guys (including Guy) walks past talking about the 'party 
tonight'. So, of course, she decides to go.

The party is at some sort of club featuring a band playing 
tropical-like music. And a bar. Did I mention that? The 
bouncer asks if she'll be drinking and she says no "I'm not 
twenty-one, I'm seventeen and I still attend high school!" 
Yeah, she's just trying *way* too hard. He stamps her hand 
'DELLOSER'. About three steps later, she runs into Sam. Why 
not? They don't even get a chance to talk before some woman 
comes up, parks herself next to Sam and loops her hand through 
his arm. He introduces her as Lara. Lara jumps in to add "his 
girlfriend." Gee, I don't think you're being nearly possessive 
enough, dear. Maybe you should just pee on his leg while 
you're at it.

Then she makes some off-hand comment about the club, turns to 
Sam and says, "No offense, I know you love this. I'm just 
hoping you're gonna get it all out of your system before you 
move to New York." Josie looks back and forth between them, 
wide eyed. Sam just looks like he'd rather not be there 
anymore. Lara says her firm has "season tickets to the Met". 
Josie says she loves baseball. Sam smiles and Ms. Stick-up-
her-arse says "nice to meet you," and gives Sam a *look*. Sam 
follows her away from Josie like a good little whipped puppy 
and Josie looks vaguely dejected. Although she seems to 
completely forget about it about three seconds later. 

She keeps moving past her assistant...wait, WHAT?! What the 
hell is he doing here? Okay...just go with it. She comes up 
to the Bitches just as they're finishing some sort of dance 
routine. She claps and tells them they were great. They give 
her dirty looks and go back to their seats. She ends up 
sitting next to a Jamaican guy...who offers her a piece of 
cake. Uh-oh... He says it's a "special cake", it has "vitamin 
A. Vitamin B. Vitamin T H and C..." Oh shit. Meanwhile, 
George, who is entertaining his girlfriend back in the van, 
peels his lips from her and urges Josie not to do it. 
Unfortunately, the surveillance equipment only lets him hear 
her, and not the other way around, so eventually she's higher 
than a kite and driving the Jamaican guy insane with obnoxious 
babble. She gets up, grabs some woman's boa right off her 
neck, jumps onstage and makes a complete ass of herself while 
her assistant shivers in disgust, Sam laughs and Lara sneers.

Josie goes home later and sits at the kitchen counter, 
polishing off a pie while she talks to Rob on the phone. She 
thinks she's "in" and "fork" is a really weird word...oh, and 
she made friends with a whole table of Rastafarians. At least 
she thinks she did. Then she looks down and says "Oh my god, 
someone ate my entire pie!" Heh. Time shift. She's passed out, 
still fully dressed, at the kitchen counter the next morning. 
Unfortunately, she's passed out on the hand that was stamped 
"DELLOSER", so part of it is now rubbed off on her forehead. 
Yup, you guessed it: "LOSER". And I'm not even going to 
mention how much of a continuity error this is since it should 
be printed *backwards* on her forehead. She hurries to get 
ready, now fully confident that she's officially popular. So 
she's totally confused when she's walking down the hall and 
everybody is laughing, pointing, making "L" on their foreheads 
and shouting "loser!"

She runs into the bathroom to splash water on her face, sadly, 
only the lower half. George, meanwhile, sees her reflection in 
the mirror and starts laughing and urging her to look up. She 
does, briefly, and almost walks away anyway, then FLIES back, 
staring at it in horror. She scrubs at it, crying, then slams 
a stall open and dives for the toilet. Then we cut back to 
George, who looks slightly pale, mumbling "I see you had 
Wheaties for breakfast." Ha! And PRODUCT PLACEMENT! 

Now we flashback to High School Josie getting ready for her 
prom as Madonna sings "Just Like a Prayer". High School Josie 
is wearing this absolutely hideous poufy pink dress made out 
of stiff, shiny material usually reserved for Barbie's 
clothes. Billy calls and she tells him she'll be out in a 
"jiffer". Eak. She steps out as a limo comes down the street 
and Billy pops out of the sunroof. Then some girl pops up next 
to him. Then Billy hurls an egg at High School Josie, smacking 
her right in the forehead, and shouts "write a poem about 
this, geek!" Josie crumples to the ground as the limo drives 
off, sobbing. Wow...that description doesn't do it justice. 
This scene gave me a newfound respect for Drew Barrymore. In 
fact, she does so well that I had the sudden urge to crawl off 
into a corner and whimper. 

Anyway. Back with grown-up Josie, who is running through the 
halls of South Glen South, still crying. A door marked "Main 
Office" opens and she smacks right into it, flashing the 
camera a funny little cross-eyed look before falling to the 
floor. Then, from her point of view, we see a black screen as 
Robert calls her name. She recovers and asks what he's doing 
here. Apparently, he just registered with a fake ID he made 
himself at work. He plans to join the softball team and hopes 
the right scout will see him and give him a shot at minors. 
"But you're twenty-three years old," she protests. "Yeah, with 
the reading comprehension of a fifteen-year-old." Snerk. Oh, 
yeah, and he can help her become popular. She says he can't 
just waltz in here and become popular in one day!

Cut to the lunchroom crowd, cheering "Rob! Rob! Rob!" as he 
downs a whole container of nasty looking coleslaw. Apparently, 
he challenged the jock Sam was picking on earlier to an eating 
contest and won. Guy high-fives him, saying "Dude, you ROCK 
man!" and some sixteen year old ditz sits next to him and 
announces that she doesn't have a boyfriend. Yeah. Aldys comes 
up to Josie and asks where Josie was last night; she was 
getting so worried! Josie says huh? Who are you again? Okay, 
not exactly. She says she just "forgot." Well, isn't that 
nice? Aldys says she can forget about them sitting together 
too. Ouch.

Now we're at a carnival with about half the school for some 
reason. Sam is at a booth, throwing pies at that same dang 
jock. Apparently, he's the only dumb jock in the school... 
Josie climbs on the Ferris wheel and sits all by her lonely 
self. The attendant asks where her partner is. She says she 
doesn't have one as if she's gotten very used to admitting 
that over the years... The attendant starts yelling we've got 
an open seat over here! Single! She asks if he really has to 
yell it like that... Hee. 

Sam comes to her rescue and asks if the seat's taken. She 
stares at him, open mouthed, wide eyed, etc. Then the wheel 
starts up and Sam starts acting jittery. She asks if 
something's wrong. He says he hopes this isn't going to 
undermine his position as an authority figure, "but, uh...I'm 
a little afraid of heights." She giggles and says "You're 
afraid of the Ferris wheel!" He says no, no that's not it 
"it's kind of the plunging head first into the crowd part..." 
Ha! She makes some vague reference to his Gordy Howe story and 
his jaw drops open in shock. "You remember that?" She admits, 
"I remember everything that you said...in your classroom." Uh-
huh. Nice save there, sister. 

The boy in the next bucket starts swinging back and forth and 
generally acting like a yahoo. Sam mutters "Boys...I'd like to 
tell you that we all grow out of it, but it's a lie." Yeah, no 
shit. Then he just up and starts babbling about his 
girlfriend. They've been dating for five years and *now* she 
wants him to move to New York with her and he thinks he should 
do it, make a commitment, grow up and "Y'know, I shouldn't be 
talking to you about this..." Really? You think? She says it's 
nice to have someone to talk to. Yeah, I know I had a tendency 
to make friends with more teachers than students in high 
school...and earlier, actually, but I'm pretty sure I NEVER 
knew more about them than they knew about me! I *certainly* 
never had any teachers tell me about their love lives and 
whether or not they've taken their medication today! AUGH! And 
what is with that soft piano music? Um...yeah.

He tells her that when she's his age, she'll have guys lined 
up around the block to be with her. Yeah, well she's closer to 
that than you think, pal! She blushes and says "You *have* to 
say that because you're my teacher." He says, "Actually, I 
*shouldn't* say that because I'm your teacher." Why? It was a 
perfectly innocent comment...methinks somebody is having not-
so-innocent thoughts about her.

Now we see Rob's plan to make Josie popular being put into 
action. He tells Guy and his buddies that she used to date the 
drummer from some 'cool' band, but she dumped him. Then he 
comes up on the cool bitches as they're talking about going on 
a diet of water and Ex-Lax until the prom and tells them 
Josie's dad invented that stuff and she's the heiress to the 
Ex-Lax fortune. Was that another product placement? He adds 
that she spends her extra time with her family on a yacht in 
the south of France. The bitches are suddenly smiling 
brightly, dollar signs practically flashing in their eyes. At 
baseball practice, he tells his teammates that he used to date 
Josie and she dumped him but they're still *really* good 
friends. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Oh, and ew. Basically, he 
tells them that she's amazing in bed. EEEEWWWWW!!!! 

Now we're in what looks like that first teacher's classroom, 
except that there are human anatomy models all over the desk 
and Sam is standing in front of it. As he explains that 
several classes have been combined for a seminar, Anita walks 
by the room. She and Josie have a silent conversation. Sam 
notices Josie making elaborate gestures for Anita to "go 
away!" and goes to the door. "You're here for the sex talk," 
he asks. She looks him up and down and says, "Wow...I like a 
man who gets right to the point!" Excuse me for a moment while 
I laugh until I snort. He asks if she's Pam. She says, "If you 
say so." I almost expect her to add "Tiger. RooOOOWWWWRrrrrr!"

He pulls her in and introduces her to the class, saying "she's 
going to lead us in our sex discussion." She panics and starts 
stammering out what? Who? When? What? She finally decides to 
just go with it. "Hi...uh...sex. Um...w-w-what do you say, 
really? You know, um...uh. You like a guy, you do it with him, 
sometimes he calls, sometimes he doesn't!" Oh, yeah, that's a 
good start. It gets her several confused looks and a few 
laughs. Then Sam leaves the room and Josie drops her backpack. 
Anita rushes to 'help' her and they have a quick little 
whispered conversation. Anita tells her she had a lunch break 
and decided to drop by to say hello and wow is her teacher 
cute! Then Sam comes back in the room and she bolts upright 
and says "Why don't we talk about that later" and "the burning 
sensation is totally normal." Josie stares at her, horrified 
as the class goes "ew!" 

"Sex is really fun," she tries again. Then, realizing she's 
supposed to be talking teenagers OUT of it, she adds "When 
you're old enough, which none of you are." Then she tells this 
little euphemism-laden warning story that probably sails right 
over their heads and asks "any questions?" and every hand 
except Josie's goes up.

Sometime later, she's having them put condoms on bananas. Good 
lord...what did you do in school today honey? Oh, we just had 
some guest speaker who told us that sex is fun and showed us 
how to put condoms on fruit. Oy. Then the real Pam shows up 
and Anita rushes to pull the shade on the door before anybody 
notices. The sixteen-year-old that was hitting on Rob is 
sitting next to Josie and tells her that she thinks she's 
ready for sex. Josie starts talking about Adele penguins, who 
"spend their whole lives looking for that one other penguin 
and when they meet them...they *know*." Sam overhears her and 
starts moving closer until he's standing right next to 
her...not that she notices. "But I'm not a penguin," the poor, 
confused ditz protests. "It's an analogy," Sam pipes up and 
before she can ask what that means, the condom Josie had been 
putting on her banana flies up and whacks him in the eye. Ow. 
And giggle snort twitter HA! Several class members laugh as 
Josie apologizes and says, "I have to go die now."

She is saved by another prom announcement on the P.A. East 
Glen East is also doing Millennium. Well, duh. I'm guessing 
nearly every high school in the country did that sometime 
around 1999-2000. This causes a small riot to start in the 
classroom. Sam tries to yell over the din "calm down, calm 
down...SIT!" and Anita obediently drops into the nearest 
chair. Ha! He says there's no reason to get worked up, all 
they need is a new idea. Anita suggests "Under the Sea" and 
the class goes what? Ugh! Sam suggests "The 80s" and they boo. 
Then Guy says Josie should come up with the idea. Drawing on 
her recent conversation, she suggests "Meant for Each Other: 
famous couples throughout history". Amazingly, they seem to 
actually like that idea.

Now we have a little montage of Josie hanging out - and going 
shopping - with the bitches, intercut with prom preparations, 
such as she and Sam painting a backdrop...and each other. She 
goes through CDs and holds up one she likes for his opinion 
He shakes his head and drags out a box of vinyl records. Oh, 
please, how old is this guy supposed to be? Oh, and while 
she's shopping, she runs into Aldys, who makes some sarcastic 
comment about lemmings that I can't quite catch. Then, Josie 
and the bitches are watching baseball practice when Rob's 
coach tells him he wants Rob to be shortstop at the state 
championship game - where there will be some pro scouts 
watching, of course. 

The bitch sitting closest to Josie...I guess I should stop 
calling them bitches, but I've gotten so used to it that I 
don't know what else to call them...tells Josie that she has 
"transitioned". "Crossed over...into our group?" Head bitch 
(Kirsten) says it's a tough thing to do. "People go all 
through high school trying to transition and they *never* make 
it!" Well, that just confirms all the suspicions I ever had... 
Guy is sitting nearby, playing the guitar and staring dreamily 
at Josie. Kristen...or whoever she is, tells Josie that he's 
"totally crunching on you." Josie, confused, asks "Do I wanna 
be crunched?" 

She saunters back into the Sun Times offices, all smiley and 
perky, and unplugs her assistant's phone. Then she goes to the 
meeting room as a woman bursts out the door, sobbing. Looks 
like someone else was fired. Gary tells Josie he's in a bit of 
a hurry since he's trying to get to a tennis game, so could 
she please just tell him the status of her story? She says 
"oh, um, great! Totally Rufus!" Sigh. After everybody gives 
her a funny look and wonders at what point they lost her to 
the 'dark side', Gary tells her to have her article finished 
in two weeks or else. He thinks she'll make a great reporter, 
but if she doesn't, "You and Gus are out of here." Why Gus? 

That night, Rob is having a party at Josie's house (which he's 
told everybody is actually *his*). Josie finds him in the 
kitchen with the sixteen-year-old, who announces that Rob's 
her prom date. Josie pulls Rob aside and starts lecturing him 
on the illegality of that idea when Guy interrupts and says he 
needs to talk to her. Rob jokes "see ya around the cell block, 
Mrs. Robinson," as Guy pulls her away.

He takes her upstairs and heads right for her room. She stops 
him and suggests maybe they try a different room. He says he 
checked all the other rooms and they all have "serious" 
couples in them already. She looks around the hall in horror 
as he walks into her room. She follows and starts knocking 
over pictures of herself before he sees them as he declares 
that "Rob's sister...is a loser." Here's the short version of 
their exchange: he asks her to prom and she says yes and they 
can all meet at "Rob's house" and share a limo. Then he leaves 
and she falls back among all the stuffed animals on her bed. 

Back to prom preparations. Aldys is informing the kids selling 
tickets that they can't just REFUSE to sell one to her. The 
boy says they can. "Oh, like, I get it," she says in a Valley 
Girl voice. "You guys don't know how to count change? Oh my 
god, I'll make it easy okay?" She dumps money on the table, 
grabs a ticket and marches off. The girl's mouth drops open 
and she says oh my god, she was, like, mocking us! Really 
brainiac? They vow to get their revenge. Meanwhile, Sam is 
telling Josie that he got her a meeting with the admissions 
guy at Dartmouth. He pulled some strings and showed the guy 
some of her writing. Great...oops. She tries to tell him she 
doesn't want to go to college, but he insists that she should. 
"You believe in me that much," she asks. He says of course and 
"You are such a great writer. You just have to find your 
story." Gee, where have we heard that before?

Gus and Josie are in his office, watching the playback of this 
conversation recorded by the camera that - even though small 
enough to fit in a tiny little pin - manages to get a great 
picture and crystal clear sound. He pauses the tape and 
announces "*He* is your story." Uh-oh... She splutters, 
"You're crazy! No...no...no!" He says it's got it all! Sex! 
Intrigue! Immorality in the education system! Yeah, it's also 
been done before. At least twice that I can think of. "We're 
gonna blow the lid off this," he gloats. "There's no lid," 
Josie yelps. "There's nothing going on between Sa...Mr. 
Coulson and me." Yeah, that was a nice little Freudian slip 
there. And shouldn't it be Mr. Coulson and *I* Ms. Perfect 
Grammar? Gus asks who she thinks she's kidding. "Everyone in 
this office is in here every day watching you two, it's like 
the goddamn Young and the Restless!" Oh, and he's already 
pitched the idea to Gary. Lovely. 

Prom night. Josie meets up with Rob, who is dressed as Tom 
Cruise in "Risky Business" (so, no pants). And from her 
approximately 16th century costume, I'd guess she's Juliet. 
She thanks him for everything he's done and he runs upstairs 
to grab his wallet - although what he's going to actually 
*do* with it is a mystery. She stands on the porch waiting as 
the limo drives up and Guy pops out of the sunroof dressed, I 
assume, as Romeo... holding something white. Uh-huh. So, while 
she's having unpleasant little flashbacks, the limo pulls to a 
stop and we see that it's really just a flower. "C'mon 
beautiful, let's go," he calls cheerfully.

Prom. One of the bitches arrives dressed...sort of...in a tiny 
bikini. The other bitches show up and she freaks out. "You 
totally ripped off my Malibu Barbie idea!" Oh, don't even get 
me started on the irony of that... The others say they didn't, 
they're Disco Barbie and Evening Gown Barbie. And since I only 
see two guys dressed as anything that could pass for Ken, I'm 
guessing that one of them doesn't really qualify as a 
"couple". Josie et al show up and Malibu Barbie asks if she's 
supposed to be Medieval Barbie. Oy. Josie says they're 
Rosalind and Orlando. Oh, well, I was *close*! All three 
Barbies give her hilarious looking dumb stares, so she tries 
to clarify. "Shakespeare?" Guy sighs and says, "Look, I get to 
have a sword!" and they erupt into a cacophony of oh cool! 
That is so awesome! Oooo shiny!

Inside, one of the bitches wards a couple dressed as Mary and 
Joseph away from their table saying there's no room. Giggle. 
Twitter. Meanwhile, back in the office, Josie's assistant is 
taking bets from the group crowded around the TV in Gus' room 
to watch the live feed from Josie's pin. Josie's odds are 3:1 
for prom queen, "And even money that that kid pokes himself 
with the sword by the end of the evening."

Rob is dancing with the sixteen-year-old, whose costume is 
basically a long wig that kind of resembles Nicole Kidman's 
hair. She's very tipsy. Rob helps her to a seat and she 
announces that someone gave her champagne. Really? Never would 
have noticed... Then she tells Rob that she thinks he's her 
penguin, lifts her leg over her head into a half pretzel 
position and says, "Once the floor stops spinning, let's have 
sex!" He just helps her put her leg down and runs off to get 
more punch in a classic show of avoidance.

At this point, the Denominators show up dressed as a DNA 
double helix, which is really stretching the whole "famous 
couples" theme, if you ask me. Finally, two teachers get 
onstage to announce the prom royalty. And since we've only 
seen three teachers in this whole friggin' school, those two 
are, of course, Sam and Senorita Loco. Hopefully she 
remembered her medication... All three bitches are declared 
princesses and Senorita Loco announces that the princes are 
"Mr. Thomas Salimay, Mr. Jason Way and Mr. Rob...Mr. Rob?" 
Heh. Rob runs up and kisses her on the lips.

Then the prom king turns out to be Guy. Josie's mouth falls 
open as she watches him walk up onstage. And the prom queen 
is...Aldys! No, of course it's Josie, but they put a big ass 
dramatic pause in there anyway as if we don't already know who 
it's going to be. As Josie and Guy begin their first dance, 
Anita, back in Gus' office, tells Other Friend that she never 
made it to her prom...she only made it to the parking lot. Why 
am I not surprised?

Meanwhile, Guy is trying out his new role as prince charming. 
"You're, like, the most amazing girl that I've ever dated," he 
says. Yeah, she's also probably the oldest. "You're so fun to 
be with. You're smart, you're...crazy. You are...you rock my 
world." Aww. She looks over at Sam, who is now standing all by 
himself on the stage, staring at her stupidly. She meets up 
with him later and he says, "You make a really beautiful prom 
queen." Okay, telling her she'll have guys lined up around the 
block at your age and she's a fantastic writer is one thing, 
but I think you've crossed the line now into flirting, Sam. 
She says "thanks, so do you!" Um...yeah, that made sense... He 
asks her if she wants to dance and AUGH! Not only does it make 
no sense for a teacher to be dancing with a student, but 
anyone with half a brain would never expect a teenager to 
actually *agree* to do it! GAH! So while she and Sam are 
heading for the dance floor, Guy wanders over to Aldys and 
says that since it's prom and all, he would like to put "all 
the shit" behind them and he would love if she would dance 
with him. Uh-oh. 

Josie asks Sam if he brought his girlfriend. Like she would 
want to have anything to do with a high school prom. He says 
no, actually, they broke up last week. Josie honey, wipe that 
smile off your face. He tells her she's amazing. Oh great, I 
bet Gus is thrilled to hear that... She turns serious. 
"There's something that I wanna tell you." She pauses to shut 
off her pin-camera and the crowd in Gus' office screams in 
protest. Then she happens to glance over and see the bitches 
opening a can of dog food with evil smiles on their faces 
while Aldys is dancing with Guy and puts two and two together. 
As one of the princes moves to dump the can on Aldys, she runs 
over and knocks it out of his hand, spilling it all over the 
bitches. Hey, nice shot! Heh. 

Screaming and yelling from the bitches...blah blah "You SO do 
not deserve to be prom queen!" Josie takes off the crown and 
says guess what? I don't give a shit because I'm a twenty-five 
years old undercover reporter! Sam backs away, unnoticed, and 
leaves. This is a long monologue, so let's see if I can 
summarize...Josie berates the bitches for their behavior and 
points out that Aldys is overall, a much better human being. 
Oh, and her brother Rob had to pose as a student and *tell* 
them to like her because they were so goddamn shallow. Rob 
waves guiltily. "There's a big world out there..." and it 
won't matter how important you were in high school because 
nobody really gives a shit. "Find out who you are and try not 
to be afraid of it," she finishes before running out the door. 
Hey, great speech Josie! Unfortunately, the camera didn't pick 
up *any* of it.

She makes it as far as the front steps before George jumps in 
front of her and demands to know what happened. "Did you get 
the story?" She shakes her head, eyes wandering impatiently. 
"Please tell me you got something on Coulson," George begs. 
Then Sam, who was sitting about ten feet behind George, stands 
up. George looks back and forth between them, mumbles an 
excuse and runs off to find somebody to help him remove the 
giant foot from his mouth.

Josie smiles at Sam. "So...surprise!" He kind of glares at her 
bitterly and asks, "Surprise you were doing a story on me?" 
Well, actually, I'm sure she's thinking more along the lines 
of 'surprise, now you can date me without the risk of being 
thrown in jail!' "I mean...surprise I was...hoping..." See? 
"What," he snaps. "That I'd be happy? Why? Because it turns 
out all of the sudden that I was *allowed* to be attracted to 
you?" He turns around to walk away and she follows, 
spluttering, "You were attracted to me?" How's that for 
selective hearing? "Goddamn it Josie, you set me up for a 
story!" She starts to protest but he interrupts, "Just drop 
the act, okay?" Now he's starting to sound choked up. "Every 
word out of your mouth has been a complete lie. I don't know 
you at all." What are you, a woman? She offers to spend some 
time together and get to know each other again. He just looks 
at her, slightly pissed, and starts walking away again. She 
begs him not to leave, sobbing. He says, "I just can't look at 
you the same way." Okay Samantha. 

When she gets home, Robert is standing by the front gate. He 
says he came by to check on her because he was worried. 
"Really," she asks. "No," he says flatly. "How could you do 
this to me?" Apparently he's pissed that she blew his cover 
two days before the state championship game. She apologizes 
and says she wasn't thinking. He says, "No, you weren't!" Oh, 
that's nice. That's just what she needed - two guys bitching 
at her and making her feel guilty in one night. And he says 
it's not even about playing ball. "I taught those guys things. 
I helped 'em!" So...maybe he should be a coach instead of a 
player? Hmm...

Gus slaps a rival newspaper on his desk again. Article: 
"Reporter Revealed at Local High School!" "Josie Geller blows 
her cover," he states. "And we were scooped." He tells her she 
has "totally and completely" screwed both of them over. She 
starts sobbing and says "Yes, I made a mistake, but we will 
have a story...you will have an *amazing* story!" Then she 
marches out the door. Gee, you think you've set the bar high 
enough for yourself there, Josie? And that's three men who 
have made her cry in only twelve hours...not a very good track 
record, is it? 

Josie marches into the school wearing a business suit and 
carrying a briefcase. She heads right for the guys locker 
room, announcing her presence loudly and warning them to 
"cover up what you don't want seen." She walks into the 
coach's office and tells him that she can get some big shot 
sports writer and every other reporter in the area to cover 
his championship game if he does her a favor...

Now there's a long sequence where she reads her completed 
article to us in voice over, while we are shown several random 
scenes that mostly serve to show us what she's talking about. 
"Someone once told me that to write well, you have to write 
what you know. This is what I know... I am twenty-five years 
old and I have never really kissed a guy." She gives proof of 
just how much of a geek she is. "...at seventeen it seemed as 
if my luck was about to change. The cutest guy asked me to 
the senior prom. But it turned out he invited me as a cruel 
joke, and I have never fully recovered." Yeesh...and I 
thought I was weird hanging on to that shit for, like, *five* 
years...

"I received an assignment...infiltrate the enemy agency and 
gather as much information as..." Whoops, wrong plot! The 
assignment was "find out about kids today." And again, I ask: 
who would want to? "What I ended up finding was myself and 
that high school hasn't changed. There's still that one 
teacher who marches to her own drummer..." And we see Senorita 
Loco dancing around the room in her sombrero. "Those 
girls...who, even as you grow up, will remain the most 
beautiful girls you've ever seen close up." The cool bitches 
and that's a bit of an exaggeration. "The smart kids, who 
everyone else knew as the brains..." and the guinea pigs...and 
the scapegoats... We see the Denominators - THE BRAINS - 
having a marshmallow fight in the science room. Uh-huh. "And 
there's still that one guy...who seems so perfect in every 
way." Guy. Really? He's rather effeminate, but...okay. "The 
guy you get up and go to school for in the morning." You sure 
that guy wasn't *Sam*, Josie? 

"I lived a lifetime of regret after my first high school 
experience." Not to mention bitterness. "And now, after my 
second, my regrets are down to one." Huh? We see Sam, packing 
everything in his apartment into boxes, getting ready, 
presumably, to move to New York after all. Oh, that. "A 
certain teacher was hurt on my path to self-discovery. And 
although this article may serve as a step, it in no way makes 
up for what I did to him." How does the article help at ALL? 
"To this man - you know who you are - I am so sorry." 
Meanwhile, Sam is wrapping sports trophies in the newspaper 
her article is printed in. He just gets to the page it's on 
when there's a knock on the door. "I think I am in love with 
you," the article shouts after him as he walks away to answer 
it. Yeah, he's a typical guy, isn't he? Totally oblivious...

"And so I propose this," she concludes. "I, Josie Geller, will 
be at the State Championship baseball game" blah blah. "I will 
stand on the pitchers mound for five minutes prior to the 
first pitch. If this man accepts my apology, I ask him to come 
kiss me - my first *real* kiss." What the heck makes her so 
sure it *would* be a "real kiss"? This is all a bit 
presumptuous, isn't it? Oh, the hell with it, we're almost 
done here...moving on!

So now, we see her standing at the edge of a baseball field in 
front of a *huge* crowd of fans and reporters. She hugs Aldys 
and Anita and gets ready to go out on the field. The coach 
tells her she has more than lived up to her end of the 
bargain, then goes all coach on her and gruffs, "Now I want 
you to get out there and get 'im!" Then he smacks her in the 
butt. Hello! So she walks out on the pitcher's mound, picks up 
a microphone and asks, "Can I have five minutes on the clock, 
please?" The clock flashes "5:00" and immediately begins 
counting down. 

And we're back where we were at the beginning of the movie. We 
go up in the stands with Gus, Anita, Gary, et al just long 
enough to justify suddenly losing four minutes. Then we head 
over to the South Glen South group, including the bitches and 
Guy until there's only nineteen seconds left. When it gets to 
ten, the crowd starts counting down and we shift into slow 
motion. Proving that time in Movie Land does NOT follow the 
laws of time in the real world, the last second takes longer 
than the first four minutes. The crowd stops cheering as the 
clock hits zero and people start shifting nervously and 
shooting Josie sympathetic looks. Yeah, like he's not going to 
show up...

Josie drops the mike in the dirt, where it makes a dull 
thumping sound and smiles sadly at the crowd. A murmur starts 
somewhere in the back and the crowd starts cheering again. 
Gee...I wonder what that could mean? Josie looks confused 
until she sees Sam jogging toward her. He doesn't even bother 
to explain, he just *crashes* into her lips. Okay. The 
camera spins around them a couple times before he finally 
pries himself away long enough to say "Sorry I'm late. Took me 
forever to get here." Yeah, that's a nice non-explanation 
there. I guess we can assume he was busy *unpacking* all the 
stuff he just packed. "I know what you mean," she says 
dreamily. Why do I get the feeling they're talking in 
subtexts? Then they kiss again. And the girl sitting next to 
Josie's assistant in the stands kisses *him*. And Kirsten 
kisses the boy next to *her*. Then some other guy tries to 
kiss the girl next to him and gets whacked with her purse. HA! 

And we pan into the dugout...up to some guy's back...he's 
wearing a shirt that says "Assistant Coach"...hmm, wonder who 
this could be? He turns around and, yup, it's Robert. He tells 
the team to get out there on the field. Sam and Josie don't 
seem to notice the players running around them. Yeah, that's 
okay, they'll just play around you guys... And presumably, 
they live happily ever after...or, you know, until he shows up 
late for their wedding and the birth of their first child...

Okay, now we've come to the review portion of this recap. 
Honestly, I never expected to like this movie. I went into it 
thinking it was going to be just another dumb made-for-teens 
movie. I was wrong. All in all, it is a *good* movie and I 
would definitely recommend it. However, if you happen to have 
had a similar bad experience in high school as Josie's, you 
may need some Vodka and Prozac to get you through it. 

~Diandra