I figured since we kept bringing this up in multiple unrelated recaps over the course of several years, I should have a reference for anyone who doesn't know what the whole Baron honeypot thing is. So here's the entire arc of this joke. "Sherlock, episode 3x1, The Empty Hearse" Sherlock grumbles that it took him two years to dismantle Moriarty’s network. Mycroft asks if he’s sure he really has. Sherlock says the Serbians were the last of it. Mycroft notes that he certainly “got in deep” with Baron Mauperitus. Diandra: ............... Chrissy: You’re waiting for me to say “that’s what she said”, aren’t you? Diandra: Isn’t that what you were thinking? Chrissy: No. Diandra: Oh. Well. Good. Chrissy: Mostly because I would think the BARON would be the one who was “in deep”. Diandra: And there it is. “Colossal,” Sherlock mutters. Diandra: Don’t. Just...don’t. Chrissy: Okay, but two words: honey pot. Diandra: You really think he would sleep with a guy for the sake of a mission? Chrissy: Considering basically the only thing that makes that scenario different from the one he’s actually going to do in two episodes (which I’m pretty sure was in the original stories, but I read them so long ago I can’t be sure) is the gender of the target? Yes. Diandra: Oh...right. Chrissy: Speaking of trying to guide the fan fiction, that plot bunny’s free. Diandra: Why don’t you write it yourself? Chrissy: Because I’m not the writer. I’m the one who comes up with the ideas and lights fires under the writer’s lazy ass. Sometime later: Sherlock starts to leave, then hesitates because John’s voice notes that he forgot to flip his collar up. Chrissy: Okay, so since John was annoyed by him doing that we can assume either that it isn’t really JOHN he’s hearing in his head, but some version of John he’s created in his mind to bounce ideas off of or that the John in head is mocking him. Diandra: Eh, he’s probably been hearing that voice in his head for the past two years. Kept him sane while he was infiltrating terrorist cells, being tortured and, according to your little head cannon, sleeping with sadistic brutes to gain access or information. Chrissy: When did I say he was sadistic? Diandra: Oh. Maybe I just heard that. Chrissy: Admit it. You have a whole fanfic going on in your head right now. Diandra: Actually, I probably already read that fic somewhere. Except for the part about sleeping with whatshisface for information. That’s all you. Chrissy: You’re welcome. Much later: If they knew SHERLOCK was after them, why did they put JOHN in a bonfire? Chrissy: Haven’t we been over this already? Moriarty figured out, like, right away that they are each other’s biggest weakness. He was always able to get Sherlock to do whatever he wanted by threatening John. It is reasonable to assume that another criminal could have figured that out. Diandra: Isn’t that the other justification for Sherlock needing John to think he was really dead? Because if he knew the truth, the bad guys could use him to try to flush Sherlock out? Chrissy: See? You have all sorts of potential stories you could be exploring. Diandra: What story? The one where Sherlock is talking to an imaginary John while he’s being tortured to keep himself sane – possibly meeting him in his mind palace? The one where he comes home after two years of deep cover work where he had to do terrible things but consoled himself that it was all to protect John? Pretty sure those have been done. Chrissy: How about one where Sherlock has to lie back and think of John safe at home in England while he lets Baron von Honey Pot have his way with him? Diandra: You are never going to let that idea go, are you? Chrissy: Um...no. End of the episode: Chrissy: Was that a record? I think that might well have been your longest recap yet. Diandra: Pretty sure “Return of the King” was longer, what with the never-ending goodbyes. Chrissy: Eh. Probably debatable. Regardless, maybe you should take a break for a while and write something else. Diandra: Subtle, Chris. Chrissy: What? I didn’t say it had to be fan fiction. But seriously, if you want some more ideas for that story about the sadistic Baron and the way Sherlock could only fake it with him by going deep into his mind palace and picturing John in his army uniform... Diandra: Oh, dear god, STOP IT. --- "Sherlock, Episode 3x2, The Sign of Three" The second is from a couple named Stella and Ted and includes the words "big squishy cuddles", which Sherlock reads as if it is the most distasteful thing he's ever had in his mouth. Chrissy: Really? You're going to give me that opening? Diandra: Really? You're going to bring up openings right now? Chrissy: Haha. No, seriously, I still don't get why you won't even consider the whole Baron Von Honeypot scenario. Shortly thereafter... Wedding. Sherlock admits that he found out later he had said exactly none of this out loud. Chrissy: Force of habit. He got SO used to talking to John in his mind palace while he was away. Diandra: Especially when he was forced to sleep with a sadistic baron to get information. He could hear John's whispered reassurances in the back of his mind, telling him that he didn't have any other choice and John would surely forgive him and take him back and love him even though he was now ruined. Chrissy: See? I knew you could do it! Diandra: He also heard John's voice encouraging him as he strangled the baron with a bedsheet once he had all the information he needed. Chrissy: Okay, woah there... Diandra: His only regret was that he didn't think to snatch the knife from the baron's belt to sever his miserable prick from his body until AFTER he stopped breathing... Chrissy: OKAY. That's enough of that! Diandra: YOU'RE the one who kept trying to get me to write that story. Chrissy: Yeah, well...I didn't know you'd go all dark avenging angel on it. Sheesh. 221b. Sherlock snaps out of it, gulps, and says so, um...John is basically implying...Sherlock is his best... They both speak at the same time, with John saying "man" and Sherlock saying "friend?" John gapes at him and says yeah, of course he is. Chrissy: Oh, honey. Of course I still love you! Diandra: Even after everything you did to that baron. Although burying that knife in his rectum was a bit... Chrissy: STOP IT! I'M SORRY I EVER BROUGHT IT UP! At the end of the episode Chrissy: So to summarize...Sherlock is feeling abandoned and moody because John is leaving him and their life together to start a family. Diandra: Yeah. The sad thing is that Arthur Conan Doyle did really write it so that John was the closest relationship Sherlock ever had in his whole life and he LEFT. I mean, he did realize his mistake pretty quickly and bring him back, but... Chrissy: Also Sherlock is totally a uniform fetishist. Diandra: Totally. Chrissy: And you are apparently writing, like, five fanfics. Diandra: It's only four. So far. Although I guess I could have five if you really wanted me to run with that Baron Von Honeypot thing... Chrissy: NO! --- "Sherlock episode 3x3, His Last Vow" They stand and watch as a second, phantom version of Sherlock plays out the scenario and gets dragged away by security officers while John describes him being taken away "to a small room somewhere" where no one can hear him screaming. Both versions of Sherlock look at him like 'really? Did you need to add that little detail?' Chrissy: Yes. I really did. Fantasizing about some beefy guys roughing you up relaxes me. Sometimes it helps me sleep at night. Diandra: You do know I was tortured while I was away right? In fact, there was this one Baron who... Chrissy: Let's not go there again. --- "Sherlock: The Abominable Bride" Then he calls to Watson to get his hat and boots because they have an appointment. Lestrade is like yeeeaaaahhhh, um...didn't he move out months ago? Holmes looks confused and wonders who he's been talking to all this time. Chrissy: Oh, you're still talking to me, dear. I'm in your head now. Diandra: It was the only thing that kept me going when that sadistic Baron [WHACK] OW! Chrissy: We discussed this. Drop it. --- "Sherlock, episode 4x2, The Lying Detective" Sherlock kind of rolls his eyes and Mary yells at him to for god’s sake stay and TALK. Chrissy: So basically you’re the part of my subconscious that has always sounded like Sherlock. Diandra: If it makes you feel any better, he obviously has a part of his that sounds like you. Just ask Molly. Or that sadistic baron who... Chrissy: Jesus, would you drop the sadistic baron thing already?! --- "Only Lovers Left Alive" "It's good to see you again, Doctor Watson," Adam says behind his face mask, reading the tag on Jeffrey's coat. Chrissy: Okay, yes, you definitely need to do that crossover. Diandra: With Sherlock? Chrissy: Not necessarily. Tom Hazard has to keep changing identities, so Sherlock could have been one and he just never came back from "dying" after Reichenbach. Diandra: And when Adam mentions having to visit "Doctor Watson" it makes him angsty? Chrissy: Yeah! You're getting it! Seriously, you should write this story. Diandra: I feel like you're taking it for granted that the plot bunnies you come up with in recaps end up as fics. Except for that one about the sadistic Baron who... Chrissy: Oh, dear god, no. Not that again! --- "Sherlock Holmes" (with Robert Downey Jr.) He tells Holmes to go clean himself up because Blackwood has "requested" him. Chrissy: I tried to tell him you don't do conjugal visits, but he was very insistent. Diandra: [sigh] Fine. If I could handle that sadistic Baron... Chrissy: Oh, god, don't bring that into this version of Sherlock too. Diandra: I see absolutely no reason not to. Especially since YOU just declared yourself my pimp apparently. Chrissy: Well, somebody has to make sure you don't get yourself killed doing something stupid and it's obviously not going to be you. Diandra: It's starting to scare me how easily we fell back into this after two years. Chrissy: I'm just even more confused about why we didn't do this earlier. --- "Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness" Stephen continues that Mordo was probably SO JEALOUS of him, wasn't he? He probably loved it when it turned out he had been corrupted by the Darkhold. "Hell, you probably gave me the Darkhold to begin with." Emilio: Oh, I didn't need an evil book to corrupt him. By the way, I remember something about a sadistic Baron... Diandra: That was "Sherlock". But it might work as crossover/AU fodder, come to think of it. Chrissy: Oh, god no. We're not doing that again. later So he started using the Darkhold to try to find a universe where "things were different" and here we are. Because he and Christine are NEVER together anywhere apparently and I guess he can't be happy without that variable. So he killed all those unhappy Stephens in case Stephen was wondering about the repeated dreams of being pushed off a building. Diandra: Even that one weird one where you claimed your name was actually Sherlock. Except it didn't work and you just told everyone someone named "Moriarty" tried to kill you. Chrissy: Finally giving in to the crossover, huh? Diandra: And then there was this whole thing with a Baron while you were in hiding... Chrissy: DANNIT. I should have known. --- "Star Trek: Into Darkness" Khan starts doing the same head crush maneuver he used on the Admiral and Spock responds by doing a mind meld until he yells and shakes him loose. Diandra: If I get a chance, remind me to ask about some of the shit I just saw. Seriously. What was the deal with the sadistic Baron? Chrissy: Oh, COME ON. You need to stop bringing that into everything! Emilio: It might work as a backstory here though. You should write that fic. Diandra: And now I regret doing it. at the end Chrissy: You know, I'm so impressed that you managed to get all the way through this without slipping up that I'm not even mad I lost the bet. Diandra: You forget how annoying I was finding it that literally every "which character are you" quiz was telling me I was someone Benedict played. I never even took a quiz for this one because I was afraid it would tell me I was Khan no matter what I said. Being able to do the Sadistic Baron joke anyway helped too. Chrissy: Yeah, we seriously need to put a moratorium on that one. You've officially milked that one dry. Emilio: That's what... Chrissy: She said. Yeah, I knew I was phrasing that badly the minute I said it.