"Sherlock, episode 4x02: The Lying Detective“

Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Martin Freeman, Rupert Graves, 
Mark Gatiss, Una Stubbs, Louise Brealey, Amanda Abbington
Guest starring: Toby Jones and about a dozen babies, probably


Because previouslies don't matter from here on out, we just 
open on a gun being fired. There's a ringing noise as somebody 
loses their hearing and we pan down to such an extreme close up 
of a face in poor lighting that I'm not actually sure at first 
if it's Benedict or Martin. 
   Chrissy: You're really bad at facial recognition, aren't 
    you?
   Diandra: You can't even make out his eye color! 
It's Martin, it turns out. We cut to him in a different 
therapist's office as the therapist - a white woman with a non-
UK accent - asks him to talk about his day so far and how he 
slept last night. He says he doesn't anymore. He just sort of 
lays in bed staring at the ceiling. Therapist asks if he's 
alone. He bristles like 'yeah, thanks for reminding me'. She 
says yeah, she didn't really say that right, she was trying to 
ask about Rosie. John says she's with friends because his 
coping skills are pretty variable right now and he didn't think 
he'd be good caretaker material last night. 

Cut to him drinking alone in a dark hallway. Therapist says 
that's understandable. John says oh, really? Why does 
everything have to be "understandable?" Can't we all just admit 
that there are some things that are unacceptable? I really 
don't think Mofftiss wants us to revisit this little thought 
exercise. 
   Chrissy: So are we really going to pretend that the 
    therapist isn't clearly "E" with a different hair 
    color, accent and glasses?
   Diandra: I was assuming it was just obvious because this 
    is my second time seeing it.
   Chrissy: Uh, no. Not if the camera is going to get that 
    close to her. The first time around we may have just 
    been able to sense that something was weird but were 
    too focused on the plot itself to worry about why the 
    female characters all look alike. Now that we know the 
    plot doesn't matter we realize this is barely a step 
    above slapping some glasses on Superman and hoping 
    everyone believes he's Clark Kent. 

All right. Well. Now that we've revealed the only plot twist in 
this episode based almost entirely on one of Doyle's short 
stories... 
   Chrissy: You're welcome.
..."E" Kent says she just means it's okay. John asks how the 
hell it's "okay" that he's letting his daughter down. Kent 
notes that he just lost his wife. John says yeah, and Rosie 
lost her mother, so... Yeah, it's called grief and it's a 
totally normal process and trying to avoid it is unhealthy and 
generally makes things worse. Just ask me about the time I 
tried to pretend I was fine and made myself physically sick 
until I finally burst into loud, ugly tears. Kent thinks he's 
holding himself to an unreasonable standard and asks if he 
really doesn't have anyone he can talk to.

We flash back to this morning when John tells someone out of 
frame that he's going to pick up Rosie after he sees his new 
therapist. Mary's voice asks if he's going to tell her about 
the fact that he's talking to his dead wife. Except there's a 
weird little moment where he says he can't because "she thinks 
you're dead" like maybe Mary is still alive and her death was 
faked or something. This is corrected immediately by Mary 
reminding him that she is, in fact, dead. She begs him for his 
sake and their daughter's to remember that this isn't real and 
she really is gone. "You know that, don't you?" He looks around 
like he's avoiding the issue, then tells the empty chair that 
he'll see her later and walks out.
   Chrissy: And nobody heard, not even the chair.
   Diandra: You're too young to be quoting Neil Diamond 
    songs.
   Chrissy: Says the thirty-year-old who recognized it as a 
    Neil Diamond song.
   Diandra: Yeah, well...shut up.

Therapist "E" asks if there's anything John isn't telling her. 
Mary appears behind her and John nervously says no, why? "E" 
asks what he keeps looking at over her left shoulder. John is 
like 'nothing! there's nothing there! it's a tic!' "E" suggests 
she might be reminding him of his "friend". Well, yes, come to 
think of it, you DO look a lot like that chick he's been 
texting wi- oh, you mean Sherlock. Sigh. She asks if he's 
talked to him lately. John says nobody has seen him in a while. 
He locked himself away in the flat. "God knows what he's up 
to."
   Chrissy: And thus he makes his opening argument in the 
    case that he has completely stopped caring about 
    Sherlock at all because that sort of behavior coming 
    from an addict is worrying.
   Diandra: Well, but...John didn't see Mary break the laws 
    of physics to save Sherlock, so...I don't know. I'm 
    still struggling to make sense of anything this season.
   Chrissy: Should we have started drinking already?
   Diandra: No, save it for the last episode. We'll need 
    all the liquor we can get to get through that.

Therapist "E" Kent asks if John blames him. For...what? John 
says he doesn't think about him at all.
   Chrissy: Liar.
"E" asks if Sherlock has tried to contact him. John says no 
entirely too quickly. "E" asks how he's so sure. John says you 
really can't fail to notice when Sherlock Holmes tries to get 
in touch with you. And that's the cue for a sports car to come 
screeching up outside, sending a trash can flying past the 
window. By the time both of them get to the door to see what 
that's about there is a helicopter circling overhead and police 
sirens wailing up the street. "E" asks if John is going to 
introduce her to this carefully hidden out of frame person who 
made such a dramatic entrance and is clearly here for him.

Credits. I'm going to try something new in this recap, just to 
make things interesting. My friend Emilio did a pod cast 
recently wherein he hinted (very heavily) that he would like me 
to join him to discuss “Sherlock”. I figure since this is bound 
to influence my recap in SOME way, I should make it a two way 
street and patch him into this recap. The reasons for this will 
become more obvious later.

So somewhere in London or, more likely, Wales, Toby Jones, a 
total Hey, It's That Guy is staring out at the...river I guess 
although it could be Cardiff Bay posing as the Thames. We get 
an establishing shot of him being hounded by reporters with the 
scroll at the bottom identifying him as "Culverton Smith - 
Entrepreneur/Philanthropist". That very well may be the fastest 
I've ever gotten a character's name in exposition. And then a 
woman comes out of a board room people are starting to trickle 
into and asks if he's ready. He gives her an order and she 
calls in a troupe of nurses with masks hiding their faces, 
wheeling IV stands. The surrealism of this makes it look so 
much like that Patrick Stewart version of "Macbeth" that I half 
expect to see Sophie Hunter among them.
   Chrissy: Well, that and the nepotism thing. Did they 
    drop that this season?
   Diandra: I'm guessing they couldn't really get away with 
    hiring family members in a season with maybe three 
    other guest actors, one of whom plays SEVERAL roles.

Back in the boardroom, Culverton starts rambling about how 
difficult it is to have such good friends you want to share 
everything with. Well, he adds, and family. He goes over to 
stand behind a woman who looks a lot like "E", but the camera 
isn't getting close enough to know anything for sure besides 
that she has a cane, which she is still clutching despite the 
fact that she is seated. He puts his hands on her shoulders as 
he asks what the very worst thing you could do to your best 
friends would be.
   Chrissy: Blame them for the death of a family member and 
   refuse to even speak to them when you know full well 
   they'll probably respond by doing a shit load of drugs 
   and running into dangerous situations and possibly get 
   themselves killed?

The guy next to the woman promises that whatever Culverton says 
will stay in this room. Everybody murmurs in agreement and the 
woman prompts him to answer his question. We're still not 
focusing on her face, but it is exactly the same voice as the 
therapist. And the girl who was flirting with John in the last 
episode. Culverton answers: "tell them your darkest secret. 
Because if you tell them and they decide they'd rather not 
know, you can't take it back. Once you've opened your heart, 
you can't close it again."
   Chrissy: Yeah, that works with anyone, really. I mean, 
    say you're dating a guy and you're really liking him. 
    He's not all that close yet, but you'd kind of like him 
    to be. It turns out you don't want to ask him how he 
    would feel about ball gags and spankings.
   Diandra: Yeah, well...that might have actually been 
    worse if you had sprung it on him later. Or, you know, 
    he had found your stash of bondage toys while he was 
    looking for a place to hide the engagement ring.

Culverton lets the awkward silence hang for a moment before 
laughing and saying he's just kidding. "Of course you can." He 
nods at the nurses now arriving in the boardroom and orders 
everyone to roll up their sleeves for what he calls "a bit of 
insurance." The woman - who really does look like she could be 
a different woman even if she has the same voice - asks what 
the hell the IVs are about. The guy next to her identifies it 
as TD12, a drug his company makes and sells to dentists and 
hospitals for minor surgical procedures. It messes with a 
person's memory. So...basically it's Rohypnol? There must be 
better anesthetics. Culverton says yes, thank you Ivan for 
letting me use it. Ivan says well...he didn't know who he would 
be using it ON. Culverton just chuckles and NotE notes that 
Ivan didn't even ASK. Wow, they really are good friends if he 
was willing to hand over date rape drugs dressed up like 
anesthetics to him with no questions asked. 
   Chrissy: Great friend, terrible person. And I say that 
    as somebody who would totally help you clean up the 
    mess if you murdered somebody.
   Diandra: But your darkest secret is ball gags and 
    spanking paddles?
   Chrissy: Well, I happen to know you well enough to know 
    that if you ever actually killed anyone it was probably 
    in self defense.
   Diandra: ......so we would become Thelma and Louise is 
    what you're saying.
   Chrissy: Yep. 
   Diandra: Except in that scenario I would be Louise - the 
    one played by a woman who would one day annoy me with 
    her circular firing squad politics - and you would be 
    Thelma, the one who gets to fuck Brad Pitt.
   Chrissy: I never said it was a PERFECT analogy.

Somewhere in there, I sent a snippet of this to Emilio, who 
fired back a suggestion that there is "always something deeper" 
and a winking smiley. I said I was pretty sure that where 
Chrissy's extracurricular activities are related, going deeper 
is not necessarily a good thing.
   Chrissy: Why have Emilio and I never been introduced?
   Diandra: Because I'm afraid of what would happen if you 
    were in the same room.

We flashforward briefly to sometime later, with NotE stumbling 
around like she's drunk and the blur filter telling us she's 
still under the influence of the drug.

Back in the board room, she mutters that this is "obscene". 
Culverton calls her "Faith dear" as he says he just needs to 
get something off his chest without burdening her. Because what 
he has to say might "horrify" her and it's really best if she 
forgets it ever happened.
   Chrissy: Why do I feel like Mofftiss tried to warn us 
   how this season was going to go all along?

Sidebar. Every time I try to send snippets of text to Emilio, 
the program we’re using adds a bunch of nonsense characters at 
the end, seemingly for no reason. When I sent this last part, 
those characters were broken by the word "terrible", which you 
will notice I never actually typed in the last couple 
paragraphs. I noted this and asked when Word had gotten in the 
habit of making judgment calls. He joked that it's ALWAYS done 
that for him.

So...um...where were we? Right. Mofftiss may or may not have 
been warning us that we will want to forget all of this when 
it's over. Culverton says when you think about it, 
"civilization has always depended on a measure of elective 
ignorance."
   Chrissy: Did he say "elective" or "elected"?
   Emilio: Elected, definitely. The result of democracy by 
    the masses always results in elected ignorance.
   Diandra: Did I mention Emilio is a PoliSci major?
   Emilio: And a Cultural Studies major. With a minor in 
    Classical Studies.
   Chrissy: Ah. So between the two of you you have... 
    what...six degrees? Am I going to become the dumb 
    blonde third wheel at some point here?
   Diandra: No, sweetie, you could never be a third wheel. 
   Chrissy: ........you think I'm not going to notice you 
    left out the dumb blonde part, don't you?
He rolls up Faith's sleeve and holds it out for the nurse. Then 
he goes back to his chair as he explains that the drips will 
keep the drug flowing at just the right level so that anything 
that happens from now on will not stay in their minds more than 
a few minutes. In fact, some of their memories from before the 
drug might be a bit hazy too. He says he has a need to confess 
something to them, but it would be best if they forget about 
it. 

He exposits that some of them know each other and some of them 
don't. One of them is a high ranking police officer, one is a 
member of the judiciary, one is on the board of a prominent 
broadcasting company, two of them work for Culverton and one is 
his daughter.

As he's talking, we flash forward to Faith scribbling "police 
officer", "judge?", "broadcaster" and "me", getting frustrated 
as she struggles to remember. She pricks her finger at some 
point and smears blood through the word "me". 

Culverton finally gets to the point. Maybe. "I have made 
millions for myself, for the people around this table, for 
millions of people I've never even met. There are charities 
that I support that wouldn't exist without me." He believes 
that if there is a "balance sheet" to the universe, he's coming 
out ahead.
   Chrissy: He has red in his ledger.
   Diandra: No that's...totally the wrong context and I 
    think you might have gotten it backwards.   
   Emilio: Nice "Ghostbusters" reference. 
   Chrissy: .............what?
   Diandra [at the same time]: .............Ghostbusters? I 
    thought she was referencing "The Avengers".
   Emilio: Yes, well...knowing the writers of 
    "Ghostbusters" they probably took that from one of the 
    original comics.
   Chrissy: Why are you doing the Marvel movies with me 
    instead of him again?
   Diandra: Because you only know a little bit more than I 
    do when it comes to Marvel. He will give me full 
    dissertations on all the ways the movies diverge from 
    the original comics while still being tied to Greek 
    mythology. But I saw three of them with him originally, 
    so I'm sure we'll find out that he rubbed off on me a 
    little.
   Chrissy and Emilio: That's what she said.
   Diandra: Yeah, you aren't the one outnumbered here, 
    Chris.

Culverton has a problem now and there is only one way he can 
think of to solve it. "I need to kill someone."

FutureFaith scribbles down these last words. Ivan wanders over 
to confusedly ask if they were just in some sort of meeting 
because I guess she's still in the office building somewhere. 

PresentFaith asks who he needs to kill in an unalarmed tone.

FutureFaith starts shaking and crying as Culverton comes in to 
see what she's doing. She whimpers that she can't remember who 
he needed to kill. He shushes her and promises that in a few 
minutes she won't even remember why she is crying right now.
   Chrissy: You can tell Mofftiss are affiliated with 
    "Doctor Who" as well because this is totally RetCon.
   Diandra: I think that was just "Torchwood", not "Doctor 
    Who". "Doctor Who" did that whole mind wipe thing that 
    didn't even require a pill. And all of that was back 
    before Moffat took over the series.
Culverton says everybody else is fine already and has gone down 
to the pub. She's the only one fighting (possibly because the 
female brain is wired differently when it comes to memory and 
language although I wouldn't expect Mofftiss to know that). He 
looks at the paper with her notes and suggests he should really 
take it from her because it will only upset her.

Except that somehow we fast forward to Faith standing at the 
window in 221b and Sherlock is holding her still intact notes. 
She says this all happened three years ago. So FutureFaith was 
actually PastFaith and PresentFaith was also PastFaith, just 
several minutes further in the past. No I am not going back and 
fixing anything. She still can't remember who the person is, or 
was since she also doesn't know if he actually did it or not. 
Sherlock pulls up a picture of her smiling beside her dad on 
his phone and notes that she looks different now. Less tan and 
her roots are showing. "You're letting yourself go."
   Chrissy: Says the person who hasn't shaved in a few 
   days.
She asks if he ever looks in a mirror and wants to see someone 
else.
   Diandra: Yes, behind me. 
   Chrissy: Preferably half naked and with a satisfied 
    smile on his face.

Sherlock non sequiters to ask if she owns an American car. Then 
he corrects that it's not American, just left hand drive. She 
asks why he would ask such a thing. He has no idea, he probably 
just noticed something. A chalk line is drawn over the shot of 
her, pointing to her feet, labeled "something". He waves his 
hand in the air, annoyed, swiping it away, then clutches his 
hand as he realizes it's shaking. Faith asks if he's okay. 
   Chrissy: Yeah, just...forgot who I was supposed to be 
    for a second there. So you were saying something about 
    a car crash? I mean...er...a car. Don't know why I'm 
    talking about car crashes. [nervous laughter]
   Diandra: Well, that was strange.
   Chrissy: Oh, shut up.
He opens his hand, which immediately starts shaking again, but 
he doesn't notice because he has refocused on reading her. He 
rambles that of COURSE she wouldn't own a car if she lives in 
isolation with no visitors. She's like 'okay, um...what?' He 
keeps rambling about cost-cutting being important to her and 
having a tiny little kitchen in her flat, which must be 
annoying because she's a "keen" cook. He gets up and wanders 
around, glancing out the window she was looking out before. She 
babbles that she doesn't understand, she...he cuts her off. 
"Hang on a minute. I was looking out the window. Why was I 
doing that?"
   Chrissy: I don't know. You saw a shiny object?
   Diandra: Or a squirrel?

She says she has no idea. He says he doesn't either, but he 
must have had a reason and it should come back to him. Then he 
shakes his head and looks back at her note, rambling about her 
leaving her job and ending her relationship while he sniffs and 
bites at the paper. The empty syringe on the table wobbles as 
he flops into his usual chair again. She splutters that he 
can't possibly know about that. He says sure he can. They 
weren't having sex for quite some time. He waves the note and 
says it's all "obvious". She protests that he can't possibly 
get all that from a piece of paper. He says he can and he just 
did. "I'm sure that was me."
   Chrissy: Although he does have other voices in his head, 
    so...
   Diandra: Mind Palace, John. You make me sound 
    schizophrenic.

She asks how he can possibly do that. He mutters that it just 
HAPPENS. It's like a reflex. He can't help it. He looks at her 
and Sherlockvision notes the wet spot on her shoulder and the 
dampness of her hair. He goes over to wave the part about her 
damp hair away, alarming her, and touches her shoulder, saying 
"coat". She says she doesn't have a coat. He says yes, he just 
noticed that.

Bill (remember him?) opens the door from the kitchen as 
Sherlock wanders past it and asks who he's talking to. Sherlock 
just tells him to piss off and he shuts the door again. Faith 
is like ANYWAY..."what do you think of my case?" Sherlock says 
it's too weird for him and she should go to the police. "Tell 
them I sent you. That ought to get a reaction."
   Chrissy: Yeah. Laughter and a door slammed in her face.
   Diandra: I never said it would be a GOOD reaction.
And then we get a moment that proves Mary's death would not be 
the only time the laws of physics were broken in the service of 
"looking cool" this season. Sherlock tosses her bag at her and 
as she reaches up to catch it everything freezes except 
Sherlock, who chases after the bag and puts a hand under it 
while numbers scroll by as if he is weighing it. He lands on a 
number and walks away, the bag zipping the rest of the way into 
Faith's arms. 

Sherlock goes to disappear into the kitchen, but Faith chases 
him and begs him to help because nobody else will. He gives the 
British equivalent of "sorry, I have to wash my hair". "Yes, 
but I'm very busy at the moment. I have to drink a cup of tea."

In the kitchen, he grabs a tea cup from the table that is 
filled with needles and goes to dump them. Bill asks if "tea" 
is code. Sherlock says no, he just means tea. Bill suggests 
maybe he have some coffee instead. Faith, still able to see him 
through the partially shut door, repeats that he's her last 
hope. He says that's too bad and slams the door shut. Bill is 
like 'seriously, what are you talking about?' Sherlock tells 
him to stop talking because "it makes me aware of your 
existence." Okay, so by now it should be obvious we're supposed 
to think Faith is a figment of Sherlock's imagination, but 
since she and Bill were staying carefully on opposite sides of 
a barrier it's not like he can actually verify that nobody is 
there. 
   Chrissy: You can actually see the potential for a better 
    story. All the inconsistencies of the entire season 
    explained by revealing that Sherlock is still in some 
    trippy part of his mind palace and this woman doesn't 
    really exist.
   Diandra: Yeah, wasn't I counting moments like this in 
    the last recap?
   Chrissy: Yeah, but I think you were citing them as 
    evidence that the season took place in JOHN'S head, not 
    Sherlock's.
   Diandra: Well, it's in SOMEBODY'S head. I just hope it's 
    not in Tommy Westphall's.
   Chrissy: Oh, everything is in Tommy Westphall's 
    universe. Including the actual universe. 

Bill starts rambling about something unimportant and Sherlock 
suddenly blurts "handbag!" and runs back to the sitting room. 
Finding it empty, he runs out and down the stairs, catching up 
just as Faith is opening the front door and getting ready to 
walk back into the rain. "Your life is not your own. Keep your 
hands off it. Do you hear me?" She says she has no idea what 
he's talking about. He rambles about still trying to catch up 
to his brain and it was the hem of her skirt that he noticed. 
The marks on them indicate it was trapped in a car door on the 
left hand side and since she doesn't have a left drive car that 
means she was on the passenger side. Faith says she came in a 
taxi. Sherlock says yeah, that was the thing he was looking at 
when he went to the window: there is no taxi outside. And she 
hasn't phoned for one. And she doesn't have a coat. None of 
which means much except she has scars on her left arm that she 
keeps pulling her sleeve down to hide. Faith, tugging her 
sleeve, protests that he couldn't have seen them. He says he 
didn't, but she just confirmed his theory. He asks her to give 
him her handbag again because it's "too heavy" and he has 
another theory that takes into account the fact that she's 
leaving after saying he was her last hope with absolutely no 
plans on getting home and he's pretty sure there's a gun in 
there. He has a brief flash of her clutching her cane, followed 
by John walking with one when they first met and shakes 
himself. "Chips," he blurts by way of offering and hands her a 
coat. He goes to reach for one himself and winces in pain. 
Faith steps out before Mrs. Hudson can emerge from her room so 
we can keep believing only Sherlock can see her. Mrs. Hudson 
protests at him going out there in the state he's in. He says 
it's fine, he has a friend with him and Mrs. Hudson answers 
with the expected "what friend?" Except again, she walked away 
already so...yes, Mrs. Hudson can't see her.

Mycroft is at a swanky dinner party or something and is pulled 
away from a discussion with the Prime Minister (he claims, not 
knowing who the Prime Minister would be at the time this was 
filmed) by some twink who apologizes and says it's his brother. 
"He's left his flat." Mycroft blinks and asks if the flat was 
on fire at the time.

At a lonely fry cart, some heathen is squirting ketchup all 
over a perfectly good pile of fried potato strips. 
   Chrissy: Aaaaand there's the French girl coming out.
   Diandra: I've never seen British people do that either. 
    I've seen vinegar, curry or some sort of mayo, but 
    never ketchup. 
   Chrissy: Or gravy and cheese?
   Diandra: Don't make me long for Canada again.

And then Sherlock and Faith are sitting at a bus stop to get 
out of the rain and he's reciting deductions. The fold in the 
note she showed him tells him she kept it hidden inside a book 
on a tightly packed shelf. So she was keeping it from someone 
who lived in the same house and they were intimate enough that 
privacy wasn't a certainty. The pin prick at the top of the 
paper tells him that more recently it's been on open display on 
a wall so obviously the relationship ended. Based on the steam 
and cooking smells lingering on it, the wall was in the 
kitchen. He sniffs the paper again and notes that for a 
suicidal woman living alone with very little money she uses a 
LOT of spices. Like she's still trying to impress somebody. 
Because single people living alone don't want their food to 
have flavor? 
   Chrissy: ...and there's the Italian girl. I think.
   Diandra: I'm just saying. I'm single, but even though 
    I'm only cooking for myself I sometimes use enough 
    garlic to ward off vampires.
   Chrissy: Yeah, definitely Italian. Also, you might want 
    to run through that last sentence in your head again. I 
    think there might be a correlation there.
The kitchen being the most public room in any house (unless you 
are in my mother's house), any visitor would be bound to ask 
about that weird note tacked to the wall. So she must not have 
any. 

"Amazing," Faith says, fishing a chip from her container. "I 
know," Sherlock brags. She says she meant the chips and jams 
one in her mouth. He laughs for quite possibly the only time 
this season and then looks at the helicopter flying overhead. 
He suggests they go for a walk.
   Chrissy: I feel I should point out that Diandra and 
    Emilio have spent the past paragraph and a half of 
    recap discussing what sort of condiments and garnishes 
    are best on fries. 
   Diandra: I'm just saying, Poutine is awesome and so is 
    my ability to multitask! 

So some government goons or something are using the camera on 
the helicopter to track Sherlock, apparently. 

John's phone buzzes, the caller ID announcing it is Mycroft. I 
guess he's finally graduated beyond just bundling John into a 
car when he wants to talk. Ghost Mary tells him he should 
answer it because it might be about Sherlock. John says yeah, 
of course it is. Everything is about bloody Sherlock.

Back to the continuing walkthrough of reasoning, Faith asks how 
Sherlock knew her kitchen was tiny. You know, since it wasn't 
because the smell of the cooking was reaching the paper in 
another room. He says the fading pattern on the paper tells him 
her kitchen window faces East. Then he walks into the middle of 
the street so we can have another little interlude that mainly 
serves to show off special effects. He draws an imaginary tack 
board that actually appears, hovering in midair. He tacks the 
note to it, explaining that people naturally place things at 
eye level. He points to the bleaching on the bottom two thirds 
of the paper, the even line of which says the paper must have 
been facing the window directly. He draws a window the same way 
and drags it toward the board until the "sunlight" coming 
through it strikes the paper at the same point. We cut to her 
perspective at some point in here to show him gesturing at 
nothing because only he can see the stuff he's drawing. Where 
the paper is going during this process, I have no idea. The 
helicopter appears again and Faith jokes that Big Brother is 
watching him. He says yeah...actually...

Lady Smallwood is overseeing the people spying on Sherlock. She 
barely looks up as Mycroft arrives, telling him he didn't have 
to actually come in. He repeats that he was talking to the 
Prime Minister, except in this context he sounds less annoyed 
to have been interrupted. Lady Smallwood sighs and says she 
understands. Maybe they did have a sense of how that election 
was going to go... 

Mycroft frowns at the screen, where we can only see Sherlock 
walking down the street, and asks what the hell the idiot is 
doing wandering around town. Lady Smallwood suggests maybe he's 
still in shock because Mary DIED and he is not actually a 
machine. Mycroft doesn't understand the concept of mourning 
over dead humans because it's not like it doesn't happen all 
the time. I'm not sure if this is meant to highlight how 
Mycroft is the less sympathetic and emotional of the two 
brothers or if Steven Moffat just forgot which show he's 
writing and that Mycroft isn't a Time Lord. Lady Smallwood 
turns to him and asks if she's going to be taken away by 
security again. He reminds her that he has already apologized 
profusely for that. She says he hasn't made it up to her 
though. He asks just how he's supposed to do that, exactly. And 
we suddenly use the same cutaway joke method we used last 
season to smash to Faith blurting "SEX!"
   Chrissy: Oh, please. Like Mycroft is straight. Oh. Oh, 
    he is? Are we sure about this? Because I don't remember 
    Arthur Conan Doyle giving a rats ass about the 
    sexuality of either brother...
   Diandra: Who are you talking to?
   Chrissy: I have no idea. 

Apparently this was an awkwardly formed question about how 
Sherlock knew Faith wasn't getting any. He points to the 
bloodstain she dragged through the word "me". He says she 
discovered pain stimulated her memory. He just figured that 
since her lover didn't notice the increasing scars on her arm 
over the course of months they weren't being very intimate.
   Chrissy: Or he was blindfolded.
   Diandra: Not everybody has your sex life, Chris.
   Chrissy: I'm just saying, it's POSSIBLE.
She asks how he knows the lover DIDN'T notice. Sherlock says he 
would have done something about it. "Isn't that what you people 
do?" She thinks he has an interesting way of thinking about 
things. Yeah, you know who else would dissociate themselves 
from the entire human race like that? Autistic people and 
psychopaths. But let's keep calling him sociopathic. He looks 
at a map, makes an abrupt turn and starts walking back the way 
they came. She protests but he says it's part of the plan.

At the monitoring banks, people start giggling. Mycroft asks 
what they're laughing at. One guy explains that he just traced 
the route Sherlock is taking on the map. Mycroft leans over to 
see some dark red lines (connected by fainter red ones) 
spelling out "UCK OFF". At least if you're watching the version 
of this the Americans didn't sterilize further by removing the 
"U". Because we MUST protect the innocent children who are 
watching this show about a guy who is whacked out on drugs for 
some reason. Sherlock waves his open can of...what looks like 
Red Bull...at the nearest camera. Mycroft sighs, squints and 
asks if somebody is with him. The guy says they're not sure 
because they keep losing visual. They're mostly tracing his 
route by tracking his phone.

John finally answers his phone and snaps at Mycroft that he was 
FINALLY trying to sleep. Mycroft ignores this and says Sherlock 
has left the flat for the first time in a week, so he's 
tracking him. John notes how touching a display of brotherly 
love it is that Mycroft is using high tech state equipment to 
spy on Sherlock. Mycroft defensively says a rogue Sherlock IS a 
matter of national security and blood has nothing to do with 
it. He stops suddenly mid-thought and mutters "with Sherlock." 
John is like 'um...what?' Mycroft tells John to call him if 
Sherlock tries to contact him and hangs up.

Lady Smallwood, for no apparent reason, asks if Mycroft still 
speaks to Sherrinford. Mycroft says he gets regular updates and 
is therefore confident that "Sherrinford is secure." Given what 
we know about the next episode, this little exchange is 
basically painfully stupid and I would skip over it, 
but...wait, why didn't I skip over it?
   Chrissy: Because you're slowly losing your ability to 
    make rational choices?
   Diandra: Oh, is that why I'm still recapping this show?

Sherlock now has Faith's cane and she is clutching his arm 
instead. She asks if they're going to just walk around all 
night. He says it's a distinct possibility.

This whole sequence has been intercut randomly with little 
snippets of Culverton Smith doing interviews. I've been 
ignoring them because they are obviously just filler to give 
Toby Jones more screen time, but this one might be somewhat 
important. The interviewer asks what is in it for Smith, doing 
all this charity work. No, I have no idea what the hell kind of 
question THAT is either. Smith mugs for the camera and recites 
"we must be careful not to burn our bridges." Which...isn't 
really an answer, but okay. I'm starting to think there is a 
variation of the "lies, damned lies..." quote somewhere that 
goes "there is scientific logic, there is pure logic and then 
there is Mofftiss logic."
   Emilio: You mean scientific logic, science fiction logic 
    and then Mofftiss logic.
   Diandra: Oh, right. Sorry, the Mofftiss logic has got me 
    confused.

Dawn. Sherlock and Faith are sitting on a bench by the river. 
Sherlock asks if she knows why he's going to take her case. 
Um...because you've invested so much time in it already? He 
says there was one impossible thing she said. That her life 
turned on one word. She says yes, the name of the person her 
father wanted to kill. Sherlock says see: impossible. Names are 
at least two words.
   Chrissy: Unless you're Prince. Or Adele. Or Beyonce. 
    Or...
   Diandra: Careful before we slide completely into a recap 
    of "Doctor Strange".
   Chrissy: Yeah, I think I'd be just fine with that, 
    actually.
He realizes this as he starts listing names and realizes 
"Napoleon" doesn't need the "Bonapart" after it. Faith notes 
that "Elvis" doesn't need "Presley" either. Sherlock, losing 
his thread, blusters that they can safely rule both of those 
out as possible targets.
   Chrissy: Can we? Because I'm not sure you actually know 
    that they're dead. Or who Elvis even is.
   Diandra: Shut up, John.

Faith says okay then, maybe she was wrong and it was more than 
one word. He says no, he has no doubt it was one word because 
she very distinctly remembered it being life changing and you 
don't make that kind of mistake with something so earth 
shaking. He just doesn't know how that word could be a name she 
would instantly recognize. Yet. He holds out his hand and says 
he doesn't work for free. She asks if he takes cash. He looks 
at her pointedly and she hands him the gun from her bag. He 
tosses it into the Thames and repeats the quote from one of the 
later Doyle stories that was awkwardly shoehorned in earlier by 
waxing about the oddity of the expression "taking your life". 
Who are you taking it from? The implication being that death is 
something that happens to the people you leave behind and "your 
life is not your own. Keep your hands off it." Yeah. As a 
strategy for talking someone out of suicide this is about as 
shitty as arresting them for a failed attempt.

Sherlock's hand starts shaking again and he groans and falls 
against the railing. Faith, seemingly oblivious, notes that 
he's not at all what she expected. He's nicer. There's a few 
quick flashes of...something...possibly a deduction...and 
Sherlock screams and falls to the ground. The soundtrack is 
filled with the sound of a child singing a creepy song. He 
recovers and looks at the bench to apologize but Faith is gone.
   Chrissy: Almost as if...she was NEVER THERE.
   Diandra: Yeah, I'm sure there's some psudo clever 
    analogy in there about Sherlock "losing Faith", but I 
    really can't be bothered to acknowledge it.
   Chrissy: Because it would be giving the writers too much 
    credit again?
   Diandra: That and it's pretentious, yeah.

Sherlock wanders the street, possibly near John's place, 
recalling snippets of his conversation with Faith and Molly 
telling him that John really would rather have ANYONE ELSE 
around than him. And then part of Mary's video where she tells 
him that there's NOBODY else who can save John. 

And then the little scene with Culverton in the boardroom is 
recreated right in the middle of the street and Culverton looks 
right at Sherlock as he says he needs to kill someone. Faith 
and Sherlock both prompt: "who?" Culverton laughs and says 
"anyone!" Sherlock's face lights up and he murmurs that 
Culverton doesn't want to kill one person specifically. He's a 
serial killer. The illusion cuts out and he sees the cars 
stopped around him and people screaming at him to get out of 
the street. Some guy notices his confusion and asks if he knows 
where he is and if he's drunk. Then from Sherlock's perspective 
he becomes Bill and calls him "Shezza". Sherlock asks Bill what 
he's doing here. Bill - now back in 221b - asks what the hell 
he was doing in the middle of the street. Sherlock says he 
should be back at Baker Street. "I am. So are you." Everything 
wobbles and a set backdrop of the wall with the painted smiley 
face drops behind Sherlock. Bill explains that somebody figured 
out who he was and brought him home. 

And then we do a trippy little sequence where Sherlock walks up 
the wall "Royal Wedding" style (but way less fun) while he 
rambles about how we think of serial killers as lone weirdos, 
but what if that's just the ones that are caught? What if you 
were a psychopath with money and fame?
   Chrissy: What if gravity was just a collective illusion 
    and this ceiling wasn't here to prevent me from just 
    floating into the sky?
   Diandra: Had experience with someone tripping badly, 
    have you?
   Chrissy: Maybe.
Sherlock collapses on the couch and we flash ahead three weeks, 
now caught up to the moment when that car chase ends outside 
Therapist “E” Kent's place. The soundtrack of the car chase is 
"Ode to Joy". This time when the driver steps out we focus on 
her face. It's Mrs. Hudson. Ripping around in a sports car like 
she's driving the Grand Prix. Because while we've suspected 
Mrs. Hudson was a badass before, this episode is going to 
remove all doubt. She smiles at John and starts walking toward 
him. A cop marches up and orders her to stop, asking if she has 
any idea how fast she was going. "Of course not," she says. "I 
was on the phone." Which reminds her...she hands him the phone, 
saying the "government" would like to talk to him. While 
Mycroft is explaining...something...to the nice police officer, 
she falls into John's arms blubbering about everything she's 
been through.

Flashback. Mrs. Hudson creeps up the stairs as banging and 
indistinct shouting comes from 221b. Bill runs past her, 
announcing that he's had enough and Sherlock has officially 
lost it. Mrs. Hudson keeps going anyway, finding Sherlock 
waving a gun around, running around the room and over 
furniture, ripping at pictures strung in a "crazy conspiracy 
theory" motif in every direction while reciting the monologue 
from "Henry V" that starts "once more unto the breach" and ends 
with "the game is afoot." Which I saw some of the dimmer fans 
of this show identify as "Macbeth".
   Chrissy: I think they might have finally gotten that 
    straightened out after Benedict named his child after 
    Henry.
   Diandra: You give way too much credit for logical 
    thought to people who thought Toby the dog originated 
    from a cartoon homage to Sherlock Holmes. 

Mrs. Hudson barely moves out of the way fast enough to avoid 
getting winged by the bullets he fires into the picture of 
Smith he has taped to the already bullet-pocked wall over the 
sofa. He finally notices her cowering around the corner and 
asks if he can have a cup of tea.

John, taking Mrs. Hudson into the therapist's house, asks if 
she called the police. She sneers that of COURSE she didn't.

Back in 221b, she is making a cup of tea in the kitchen and 
asking if that man whose face is plastered all over the place 
is the man from the telly. "What pictures," he raves. "Oh, you 
can see them too! That's good."

Therapist “E” pulls up an article via Google search wherein 
Sherlock took to Twitter to accuse Culverton Smith of being a 
serial killer. John mutters that he really has lost it then. 
Mrs. Hudson chastises him for his joking tone and says she was 
SCARED.

221b. Sherlock yells that he needs that TEA, damnit and screams 
at Mrs. Hudson when she just stands there holding the cup and 
shaking like a leaf. He charges toward her and everything 
suddenly goes into slow motion as she drops the cup.

Therapist “E”'s house. This bouncing back and forth is giving 
me a headache. Mrs. Hudson begs John to do something about 
Sherlock. He NEEDS John. John says nope. Not a chance. Find 
somebody else. Mrs. Hudson is like 'listen to me you little 
shit. I know your wife just died and you're grieving, but he's 
your FRIEND and you can't let HIM die too.' "Who will you have 
then? Because I'll tell you something, John Watson, you will 
NOT have me." She marches out the door. John reluctantly 
follows and finds her slumped on her fancy sports car sobbing 
loudly. He asks if she's tried Mycroft or Molly or...somebody. 
She whimpers that THEY don't matter. I notice he didn't suggest 
Lestrade who, you'll recall, is the only other person other 
than the two of them who apparently does matter. Mrs. Hudson 
begs John to at least take a look at him as a DOCTOR, if not as 
a friend. John sighs and says yeah, fine. If he gets a chance 
and he's in the area, he'll stop by. Mrs. Hudson makes him 
swear to that and then skips to the back of the car and opens 
the trunk to reveal Sherlock, handcuffed and shaking and 
blinking up at him like 'save me from the crazy lady!'

221b. Still in slow motion. Sherlock puts the gun on the table 
so he can grab the falling tea cup before it shatters on the 
floor. Mrs. Hudson promptly grabs the gun and everything kicks 
back to normal speed as she sticks it in his face and orders 
him to get those handcuffs he keeps in the salad drawer. 
Incidentally, she knows that's where he keeps them because 
she's borrowed them before. He makes a face like 'damnit. That 
image is NEVER coming out of my mind palace, is it?'
   Chrissy: I'm ready to declare Mrs. Hudson the best thing 
    about this episode.
   Diandra: Just this episode? She's basically the best 
    thing about ALL the episodes.

Now that we're caught up. Sherlock barrels into Therapist “E”'s 
house, rubbing his freed wrists and ranting about the crazy 
lady who pointed a gun at him, handcuffed him and threw him in 
the trunk of her car before going on a high speed chase across 
London. He grabs a vase of flowers, tosses out the flowers and 
drinks the water which...you better hope whoever put those 
there wasn't putting some sort of plant preservative in there. 
Like bleach. Don't try this at home, kids. 
   Chrissy: I think it's safe to say no child should EVER 
    use Sherlock Holmes as a role model in any capacity.
   Diandra: Or, again, even be watching this show.
John asks how she managed to get Sherlock INTO the trunk. She 
says she got help from the boys who work in her cafe. They 
dropped him a couple times along the way, but that's just 
because they know him. Sherlock points at Therapist “E” and 
asks who the hell this is. I'm sure the actual reason he 
doesn't immediately recognize her here is plot convenience, but 
for the sake of everybody's sanity, let's pretend it's because 
he's not operating at 100% at the moment. John is distracted by 
the fancy ass car and asks whose it is. Mrs. Hudson says it's 
hers and that shouldn't really be all that surprising because 
the fact that she used to be married to a drug dealer has its 
perks. 

Therapist “E” hands John his phone, apologetically explaining 
that she answered it because he was "busy". It's Culverton, who 
is sitting in a makeup chair. Sherlock orders somebody to get 
him a clean glass of water because this one he has is "filthy". 
   Chrissy: I say we get Mrs. Hudson to throw him back in 
   the trunk and go a few more times around the block.
As far as I can tell, these next few lines are the result of an 
overzealous editor removing context because Culverton says 
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about meeting with anybody but John asks 
what he means by "all still meeting". Culverton says yep, as 
far as he's aware Sherlock's little rant this morning doesn't 
change the fact that the three of them are scheduled to meet 
and he sent a car to the address Sherlock gave him to pick them 
up. John protests that he couldn't possibly have given the 
address they're at NOW because he couldn't have known... The 
doorbell rings and John gapes at the limo parked outside and 
the driver on the doorstep saying he's ready when they are. 
John asks Culverton when Sherlock gave him this address. 
Culverton says two weeks ago. John just hangs up and asks Mrs. 
Hudson how she knew where to find him. She says Sherlock gave 
her the address. At gunpoint. Before she had a couple burly 
guys manhandle him into her trunk.
   Chrissy: It's kind of alarming how you giggle every time 
    somebody references how Mrs. Hudson essentially 
    kidnapped Sherlock.
   Diandra: Hey, you're laughing too.
   Chrissy: Yeah, well...I'm starting to notice a pattern, 
    I think, because I'm pretty sure I've heard that same 
    laugh when you write a particularly cruel plot twist 
    into a fic.

John storms into the room as Therapist “E” hands Sherlock a 
glass of water and demands to know how Sherlock could POSSIBLY 
have known where he would be because he only scheduled this 
session with a new therapist he found a couple days ago. "Two 
weeks before you were abducted at gunpoint and brought here 
against your will, over a week before I even thought of coming 
here, you knew exactly where you would need to be picked up for 
lunch?!" Sherlock blinks and rambles some bullshit about 
anticipating the responses of people he knows well to scenarios 
he himself devised. Except he didn't anticipate being thrown in 
the trunk and rattled around like a child's toy, which he 
declares was "mean". 
   Chrissy: You deserved it.
   Diandra: I didn't say I didn't. I said it was MEAN.
John, who was literally JUST asking how he did this, now says 
never mind the how. WHY? Sherlock says Mrs. Hudson is right. 
He's coming apart at the seams and he's not sure he can find 
his way out of the pit anymore. He needs John to understand 
that he's still as smart as he always was so he'll trust him 
when he says Culverton Smith is the most dangerous person they 
have ever encountered.
   Chrissy: You said that about the last one. And the one 
    before that. 
   Diandra: Don't question my overexaggerations! 

He winces and grabs his head again and admits that he's mess, 
but he's not wrong when he says this man is a monster and they 
need to do something about him. John says fine, but what does 
any of this have to do with him? Sherlock just repeats that the 
man is EVIL and Sherlock MUST eliminate him for the good of 
society. But he can't do it alone. John holds out a hand to 
him, pulling him close so he can pull up his sleeve to reveal 
the needle marks on his arm. Sherlock asks why the hell he 
would lie about THAT. John snaps that he's a liar by nature. He 
lies ALL THE TIME. Sherlock asks when the hell he's been a 
malingerer. "You pretended to be dead for two years!" 
   Diandra: Just going to keep throwing that back in my 
    face, aren't you?
   Chrissy: It's the best card I have and I am going to 
    PLAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT.

John says before he does anything he needs to know what state 
Sherlock is in. Sherlock reminds him that he's a doctor and can 
therefore determine that pretty easily. John says he needs a 
second opinion. Sherlock groans. John presses on. He needs the 
one person who learned to see through Sherlock’s bullshit years 
ago. The last person he'd think of. Molly.
   Chrissy: [exasperated sigh]
   Diandra: Yeah, it's easier if you pretend you don't know 
    what's going to happen in the next episode. Just in 
    general.
Sherlock says he's really not going to like this next part 
then. The doorbell rings. Molly, in her lab coat and 
accompanied by a fully equipped ambulance, apologetically 
explains as John opens the door that Sherlock asked her to be 
here. "Two weeks ago," John asks. Molly is like um...yes? 
Sherlock breezes past, saying they can save time by doing the 
examination along the way and he hopes Molly remembered to 
bring his coat.

Molly apologizes to John, babbling that she didn't know he was 
going to be here and she has NO idea what's going on. Which 
isn't surprising because Sherlock only involves her in anything 
when he needs her to do something for him that John can't or 
won't do.
   Chrissy: Can we talk about the Sherlolly shippers for a 
    sec?
   Diandra: Do we have to?
   Chrissy: Well, no, but...
   Diandra: Okay then. Moving on.
John says Sherlock is using again. Molly's face falls and she 
asks if he's sure. John says no, of course not, but check 
anyway.

Molly slinks off and Mrs. Hudson, who came up just as this 
conversation was ending, asks John if Molly is really the right 
person to be doing an exam on a LIVING person. You know, since 
she's a coroner. Eh, probably any doctor can do a basic exam. I 
once had one done by a pediatrician and the only difference was 
that he was CLEARLY not used to talking to adults in an exam 
room. Mrs. Hudson and John have a little filler conversation 
that honestly doesn't seem to serve any purpose whatsoever or 
even make sense to my American brain and then Mrs. Hudson 
suggests John "buck up" because "the game is on." He mumbles 
that he'll try. She hugs him and reminds him that he can ask 
her for help any time. Anything he needs! Really! He thanks her 
and walks all of three steps before turning and asking if maybe 
he could borrow that nice car sometime. She says no, anything 
but that, and skips back into the house. 

Ghost Mary sidles up to John and explains that Sherlock must 
have known he'd get a new therapist after she died. That just 
shows he understands John's need to change everything after a 
trauma like that. She disappears momentarily while John gets 
into the waiting limo, then reappears on the seat next to him 
to continue that he could only look for a new therapist during 
work hours because his weekends are daddy-daughter time. And 
since he wouldn't want to take time off work for appointments 
he would have been looking for someone he could see during 
lunch. There were four men and one woman within a reasonable 
range of the office and "you are done with the world being 
explained to you by a man." Wait...is that about Sherlock or 
all men in general? Because I've never heard of a man hating 
being mansplained to.
   Chrissy: How do we know he didn't just choose the woman 
    out of habit? Because he's been seeing a female 
    therapist for years and humans are creatures of habit 
    and just go with what is familiar?
   Diandra: Or because she is a sort of surrogate for 
    talking to Mary? Yeah, the only explanation for this 
    assumption is that Mary is just a projection at this 
    point and it's really John's thought process that she's 
    voicing.
So both he and Sherlock logically looked for the first 
lunchtime appointment available with a female therapist within 
biking distance of the clinic. "He knows you," Mary concludes. 
John mutters that he does NOT. Mary reminds him that she is a 
figment of his imagination and he is only arguing with his own 
brain. The driver asks if John is ready to go and John directs 
his "yes" at the empty seat beside him. 
   Chrissy: Yeeaaaaaahhhh, how about you go back in there 
   and finish your appointment while I drive around the 
   block a couple times?

Mary says Sherlock is clever, but he is not a monster. John 
says yes, he is. Mary says yeah, okay, fine. "But he's our 
monster."
   Chrissy: So we're tricking ourselves into thinking that 
   it's fine because we believe we have some sort of 
   control over him? Yeah, I read Frankenstein. That kind 
   of thinking doesn't end well.

And we cut to a terrible, awkward misdirect involving Culverton 
filming a cereal commercial and saying things devoid of that 
context to the camera like "you know I'm a killer...but did you 
know I'm a CEREAL killer?" It's stupid and groan inducing and 
in hindsight it was probably designed to prepare us for the 
next episode. A light explodes and the director calls cut. An 
assistant sidles up to Culverton to tell him that "he" is here.

We go outside where the limo is pulling up, but the ambulance 
is right next to it so she could be referring to either one of 
them. John braces himself and asks Molly, who is sitting 
slumped at the back of the ambulance, how Sherlock is then. 
From inside, Sherlock announces that he's fine. Molly is like 
'yeah...not' and grumbles that she's seen healthier corpses. 
Sherlock snarks that she works with MURDER victims mostly, so 
that's hardly fair. Molly says he's not funny and if he keeps 
going at this rate she would give him weeks to live. Sherlock 
thinks there's plenty of time to worry about that later then. 
Molly finally snaps and yells that this isn't a GAME and he's 
DYING. Oh. I see. We took a story about Sherlock faking being 
poisoned to catch a killer and turned it into Sherlock risking 
death by overdose because he's become totally unhinged by grief 
and guilt. Or something. Fine. 

John confirms the departure from the original story by 
summarizing that this is really happening. Sherlock has really 
lost all control. Sherlock mutters some backhanded compliment 
about missing his "clever boy" "fumbling about the place". John 
says he thought maybe it was some sort of trick. No, Mofftiss. 
If you are going to change the entire context of the original 
story, then fucking OWN IT. 

Culverton arrives and calls Sherlock's name. Before he can get 
closer, Sherlock reminds John that this man is the greatest 
undetected serial killer and begs him to help bring him down. 
John asks what the plan is. Sherlock says he's not telling him 
that because he won't like it.
   Chrissy: Like that's stopped you before.
   Diandra: Oh, quit complaining. You can hardly see the 
    burn marks anymore.
He turns to face Culverton, who says he doesn't do handshakes, 
so he'll have to just hug him. Sherlock grumbles that he knows 
and lets Culverton pull him into an awkward hug. The hovering 
reporters take pictures. One asks Sherlock how Culverton 
managed to talk him into this. Culverton answers for him in a 
joking brush off that since Sherlock is a detective maybe he 
just confessed to his crimes. The reporters laugh and he 
saunters back toward the building. Sherlock reluctantly 
follows, shooting a pleading look back at John. One of the 
reporters still following them asks if Sherlock can put on the 
hat. John pipes up that he doesn't really wear the hat. 
   Chrissy: Well, he does, but only if I ask nicely.
   Diandra: I told you that was a ONE TIME thing and I was 
    never doing it again.
Culverton's assistant...I think...notes that Sherlock has done 
wonders for their advertizing campaign. It's gone super viral. 
John, who writes exclusively in an online platform, seems to 
have never heard of this expression.
   Chrissy: Just ignore it. Mofftiss are trying to be 
    clever in their references again.
   Diandra: "Haha! Viral! You know, because it was supposed 
    to be about Sherlock dying from a deadly disease only 
    Culverton would be capable of weaponizing! Aren't we 
    clever?"

They do the cereal ad shoot again, but this time Sherlock is 
standing behind the camera as Culverton declares himself a 
cereal killer. There's a gross moment apparently designed to 
reiterate just how weird the guy is when he spits the mouthful 
of cereal into the spit bucket and tells the girl holding it 
that she should bag it and sell it on eBay. Then offers to 
"make more" of it anytime she likes. She just smiles politely 
and runs away, probably counting the minutes until she can get 
home and take a shower.

Behind the cameras, John asks if it has occurred to Sherlock 
that he has been played for the sake of an ad campaign. 
Sherlock, barely paying attention, says yes and isn't this 
brilliant? Safest place to hide: in plain sight. Assistant 
comes over to ask if Sherlock would like to go straight to the 
hospital for the visit Culverton planned. He sort of already 
promised the kids they'd get to meet the famous crime solving 
team. Sherlock says 'yeah, sure' and John boggles as they are 
escorted back out to a car.

In the back of possibly the same limo as before, John asks 
Sherlock what the point of all of this is. Sherlock, tapping 
away on a cell phone, says he needed a hug. Culverton wanders 
over and knocks on the window. John, being closer, opens it and 
Culverton asks Sherlock over him what he thought of the cereal 
killer thing. I love how Microsoft Word is flagging the word 
"cereal" for the last few paragraphs like it thinks maybe I 
don't know it's supposed to be spelled "serial". Sherlock 
thinks it's hilarious because it's actually true. Oh, and he 
can have his phone back now. There's a woosh as a message sends 
and Sherlock reaches over to hand him the phone. "Thanks for 
the hug. Oh, I sent and deleted a text. You might get a reply, 
but I doubt it." Culverton, putting the phone back in his 
pocket, says that it is password protected. Sherlock scoffs. 
Culverton smarms that they're going to have a lot of fun and 
walks away. John notes that Sherlock is particularly twitchy, 
although I'm not sure how he can recognize a difference. He 
guesses that Sherlock needs another hit. Sherlock hugs himself 
and grumbles that it can wait until they get to the hospital.

Saint Caedwalla's Hospital. A woman some might recognize as 
Ianto Jones' sister is standing in front of a giant board 
advertising the Culverton Smith wing of the hospital, chatting 
with John. She asks awkwardly if he's "involved" much, then 
elaborates that she means with Sherlock's cases.
   Chrissy: I mean, why would I ask if you were "involved" 
    with Sherlock? Hahahaha...
   Diandra: Yeah.
John says um...yeah, he's Doctor John Watson. Rhiannon (I will 
call her this until somebody says what her name is, yes) says 
yeah, whatever. She loves Sherlock's blog. John is like HIS 
blog? You mean the one *I* write? She asks if he's read it.
   Chrissy: No, not really. I mean, that might get in the 
    way of a fun story.
   Diandra: Playing Mofftiss again, are you?

Sherlock comes out of the nearby bathroom and announces "say 
what you like about addiction, the day is FULL of hightlights." 
She asks if he's feeling better then, apparently unconcerned 
about the possibility that he was just shooting up something 
illegal in there. Then she repeats that she loves his blog. 
Sherlock starts to thank her, but John blurts that it's HIS 
blog damnit and Sherlock says yeah, he's right. He actually 
writes it. Rhiannon actually hears this this time and says well 
in that case..."it's gone downhill a bit, hasn't it?"
   Chrissy: You think it's bad now? Wait'll you see what's 
    coming next.
   Diandra: [laughs] [cries]
She escorts them to the room where everybody is waiting while 
John smiles the smile he usually reserves for people he's about 
to throttle.

Another nurse greets Sherlock with "oh my god, I love your 
blog" and this time he just says "you're welcome." Culverton 
introduces Sherlock to the room full of kids and a few adults 
and staff to enthusiastic applause. Then he adds "and Doctor 
John Watson, of course" to a slow clap.
   Chrissy: Eh, they're just kids. What do they know?
John clenches his jaw and wonders why the hell he keeps coming 
back to this. Culverton says they were wondering if Sherlock 
could tell them about some of his cases. Sherlock says "no" 
flatly. John quickly says "yes" and gives him a look like 'do 
NOT make me slap you in front of these kids'. Sherlock says 
yeah, okay and starts rambling about how the most interesting 
thing about criminal work isn't the "sensational aspects" of 
the crime itself but the process of reasoning that leads to 
solving it. He offers an example that he says he will present 
as the evidence was made available to him and they can try 
their hand at solving the case of Blessington, the Poisoner 
themselves. This leads to possibly the best exchange of this 
whole godforsaken season. 
   John: I think you slightly gave away the ending.
   Sherlock (basically ignoring him): There were five main 
    suspects...
   John: One of them called Blessington.
   Sherlock: But it's more about how he did it.
   John: Poison?
Sherlock is like 'yeah, fine, whatever. YOU WIN.'
   Chrissy: Don't I always?
   Diandra: Only because I let you.
   Chrissy: We’re still not playing Cluedo ever again.

The kids laugh. Sherlock redirects to the Drearcliff House 
case. "One murder, ten suspects. All of them guilty." He asks 
what John called that one. John is distracted by ghost Mary 
appearing off to the side of the room, laughing at their 
antics. Sherlock prompts that it had something to do with 
murder at a zoo. John says yes, it was called Murder at the 
Zoo. Sherlock fumbles and asks if that was the one about the 
killer orangutan. John stares at him blankly along with 
everyone else. Mary notes that Sherlock should be wearing his 
hat. You know, because people don't recognize him without it. 
Sherlock asks if the kids have any more questions. The kids are 
like 'yeah, can we leave now?' Culverton raises his hand and 
asks how Sherlock catches a serial killer. Sherlock gives him a 
dirty look and says the same way you would catch any other 
killer. Culverton says yeah, but most killers kill somebody 
they know. Nurse Rhiannon pipes up that maybe this isn't the 
best topic to discuss with the children around. 
   Chrissy: Oh, so it was okay to talk about solving murder 
    cases up until now?
   Diandra: Do not question the logic.

He identifies her as Nurse Cornish and asks how long she's been 
working for them. She says seven years. He just repeats that, 
looking at her pointedly, and goes right back to talking about 
how serial killers choose victims at random. Sherlock says 
well, some of them advertize. Because serial killers are all 
about power and ego. "Ultimately, for full satisfaction it 
requires plain sight." Also, they are easily profiled because 
they tend to be social outcasts and not very bright. Culverton 
argues that he's just talking about the ones they've CAUGHT. 
"You only catch the dumb ones." He invites him to imagine that 
the Queen wanted to kill several people. With all that power 
and money and goons at her disposal...er...yes, that's what you 
call a despot and you don't have to imagine all that hard. He 
casually pulls the head off the Barbie he's been fiddling with 
while he talks and puts it back on. John cuts in to promise 
everyone that Sherlock will not be arresting the Queen of 
England. Hell, he barely knows who she even is. Culverton says 
of course not because some things - like money, power and fame 
- make you basically untouchable. She could open a 
slaughterhouse and do her rendition of Sweeny Todd and 
everybody would pay for a tour. "No one is untouchable," John 
says. Sherlock looks to him and smirks a little like 'finally, 
you're coming around to my side'. Culverton notes that everyone 
is looking uncomfortable and says he's just JOKING for god's 
sake. He invites everyone to give Sherlock and John a hand and 
the girl behind Benedict has the perfect "yikes" expression as 
they do. Sherlock and John stare at each other like 'yeah, 
there's clearly something wrong with this guy.'

Then we cut to Culverton escorting them down a hallway to his 
"favorite room".
   Chrissy: I call it the Red Room of Pain. [WHACK] Ow! 
    What the...
   Diandra: Do not ever make a Fifty Shades of Grey 
    reference in my presence again.
Sherlock decides fuck that and ducks into the closest room, 
which is another board room with IV stands set up beside the 
empty chairs. He asks if Culverton had another of his little 
meetings then. Culverton shrugs that it was a "top up". John, 
who is basically still getting caught up on all of this, looks 
at one of the bags and asks what TD-12 is. Sherlock says it's a 
memory inhibitor. Culverton says "opt-in ignorance" really is 
bliss and makes the world go round. Sherlock crosses his arms 
and asks if anyone ever opts to remember. Culverton says yeah, 
sometimes they take the drip out.
   Chrissy: We escort them to a limo downstairs and draft 
   letters of condolence to their loved ones.

Culverton tries to get them back on track. Sherlock looks at 
his watch and says yes, he's got, what, about 20 minutes left? 
Culverton asks what he's on about. Sherlock reminds him of the 
text he sent from his phone. Assuming it was read immediately 
and taking into consideration a whole bunch of other variables 
he has about 20 minutes before his life as he knows it is over. 
"17 and a half to be precise, but I rounded up for dramatic 
effect." He invites Culverton to go ahead and show them his 
favorite room as it will give him a chance to say goodbye to 
it.

In the elevator...
   Chrissy: Wait, you're not even gonna acknowledge Mary's 
    appearance at the end of that last scene?
   Diandra: I don't see any reason as it seems to have been 
    thrown in just to fill time.
...in the elevator, Culverton decides that as long as they're 
on the subject of serial killers, he should tell them who his 
favorite one is. 
   Chrissy: George R.R. Martin.
Culverton says H.H. Holmes and asks if Sherlock is related to 
him. Yeah, I doubt it since he was American. Despite being his 
favorite, Culverton dubs him "an idiot".
   Chrissy: Have you checked to see if YOU are related to 
   Sherlock?

They enter a morgue where a couple guys are apparently just 
starting an autopsy. Culverton tells them to get out. The 
mortician objects and Culverton plays the same "what's your 
name" and "how long have you been working here" card he did 
with Cornish. The mortician caves and offers to give them five 
minutes. Culverton tells him to make it ten and KNOCK before he 
comes back in.
   Chrissy: Um...yeah...I learned that lesson after I 
    caught you banging that intern on the slab last time. 
   Diandra: Thanks for that mental picture, Chris. I hope 
    you remember this when I text you at three in the 
    morning because I'm having nightmares.

John asks how Culverton is even allowed in here. Culverton 
waves a ring full of keys and reminds him that he owns the 
place and can go wherever he wants. Sherlock opens one of the 
freezer compartments and restates for the slow audience members 
that the mortuary is Culverton's favorite room. Culverton pulls 
the sheet off the body on the slab - an old woman - and pries 
her mouth open a bit.
   Chrissy: Can I amend that scenario the mortician would 
    have walked in on?
   Diandra: No. Ew. DON'T MAKE IT WORSE.
John tells him not to do that. Culverton says nah, it's fine 
and starts rambling about H.H. Holmes again. He and Sherlock 
give a basic rundown of who he was and people who watch both 
"American Horror Story" and "Timeless" wonder why the hell 
everyone was suddenly obsessed with this guy in the past year. 
Culverton describes him as a sort of Sweeny Todd without the 
whole cannibalism thing, then repeats that he was "stupid". He 
steps back from the body and John takes the opportunity to pull 
the sheet back up before asking why he thinks it's stupid. 
Culverton says he put way too much effort into it. "You don't 
build a beach if you want to hide a pebble. You just find a 
beach. If you want to hide a murder, if you want to hide lots 
of murders, just find a...hospital." John, now possibly 
starting to understand Sherlock's frustration with this guy, 
asks if he's confessing. "To what," he asks flatly. Then he 
draws it out some more. Is he a serial killer or does he just 
like messing with John? Yes. Messing with people is always 
amusing to him. Also, he admits he is pretty creepy, which 
really helps with that stupid cereal ad campaign. 

Then he asks if John is really a doctor. As in medical doctor, 
not "I have a doctorate in some obscure field of study so I can 
use the title 'doctor' and make myself sound important." John 
says he is a doctor. Culverton makes a show of asking 
repeatedly if he's serious because what the hell kind of doctor 
wouldn't question the word of a man who is obviously high as 
balls and probably susceptible to paranoid delusions. He goads 
Sherlock to tell John that he's just wasting his time with this 
nonsense and he doesn't even know what's real anymore. After a 
couple moments Sherlock stammers an apology for forgetting to 
factor in the traffic and miscalculating. He makes a show of 
listening for the arrival of the person he said would be coming 
earlier and tells Culverton that their footsteps should be 
familiar to him. Especially since they will be accompanied by 
the sound of a cane. Culverton asks why Faith would be here. 
Sherlock recites the text he sent from Culverton's phone. "I 
can stand it no longer. I've confessed to my crimes. Please 
forgive me." Culverton scoffs that that would have any effect 
on her because Sherlock doesn't know Faith. Sherlock says yes, 
he does. He spent a whole evening with her, in fact. "We had 
chips. I think she liked me."
   Chrissy: Can you just flag this conversation so we can 
   go back and discuss how disturbing it is later?


Culverton repeats that Sherlock does NOT know Faith. Sherlock 
says he knows Culverton cares for her and invited her to one of 
those board meetings so he cares what she thinks of him and 
this facade he has managed to keep up is about to break.

Sherlock begins that she came to Baker Street... Culverton says 
no, she didn't. Sherlock, undeterred, says she came to him 
because she was scared of her father. Culverton asks if this is 
one of his drug fueled fantasies.

These last few lines have been intercut with Lestrade 
questioning John in what is presumably the precinct about 
whether he knew what was going to happen. Did he see him go for 
the scalpel? John says no, nobody could have known. 

Faith enters the room, asking what the hell that text was about 
and if it's some kind of weird joke. Sherlock turns toward her 
and frowns because while this woman looks close enough to be 
the stand-in for the woman he met, it isn't her. "Who are you," 
she asks, cocking her head at Sherlock. Sherlockvision runs 
over all the details of her hair, clothing, height, posture and 
dress size, comparing them to the woman who was in 221b. It all 
matches, but her face is different. Culverton says surely she 
recognizes Sherlock Holmes. She smiles and says oh, yeah, she 
loves his blog! Sherlock mumbles that she isn't the woman who 
visited him.

Lestrade says there must have been some sort of build up or 
something. Sherlock didn't just suddenly decide to do whatever 
he did that we're being cryptic about right now with a scalpel 
for no reason. If you like all this cheap buildup, you're going 
to love the next episode.
   Chrissy: Just know that we are judging you.
   Diandra: Very much so.

Faith confirms that she has never been to Baker Street before 
and she and Sherlock have never actually met. Culverton laughs. 
John proves that he might be lying with Lestrade about not 
knowing what was going on by sidling closer and calling 
Sherlock's name, concerned. Sherlock wonders aloud who came to 
221b then. He remembers looking at a picture of actual Faith 
while talking to the woman who isn't Faith and from his 
perspective Culverton continues to laugh. He recalls all the 
evidence I pointed out in those scenes that he was talking to a 
figment of his imagination and starts getting shaky and 
fidgety. John asks if he's okay. Sherlock tells him to watch 
out because Culverton is armed with one of the scalpels he took 
from the tray sitting out. Culverton, still laughing, holds up 
his empty hands, at which point Sherlock points at him with the 
scalpel that HE took because he was actually the one who was 
just next to the tray. The Smiths panic and John tries to get 
Sherlock to put it down. Sherlock hisses at Culverton to stop 
laughing, damnit. Culverton says he isn't laughing. John 
confirms this.

Lestrade stops the tape and mutters that he wonders if maybe 
they should have seen this coming. John reminds him that 
Sherlock DID recently shoot a man in the face. They always knew 
what kind of person he was if they were honest. A woman 
interrupts to show Lestrade a streaming video of a newscaster 
announcing that Smith is declining to press charges and cutting 
to a video of Smith saying he wouldn't even still be here if it 
wasn't for John Watson. And Sherlock will be getting the best 
of care in this hospital for whatever injuries he's about to 
get when we flash back to whatever the hell happened. Notably, 
he adds "I might even move him to my favorite room".

Mofftiss finally grow bored of drawing this out, so we cut back 
to Sherlock screaming at Culverton to stop laughing and John 
disarming him and shoving him against the wall, shaking him and 
yelling at him to knock it off. The Smiths, who are not 
laughing, watch in stunned silence as John slaps him and 
screams at him to wake up. And then he gets carried away and 
punches Sherlock until he hits the ground, at which point he 
starts kicking him until a couple orderlies run in and drag him 
away. Culverton pleads for a stop to the violence and says he's 
pretty sure the quivering, confused drug addict drooling blood 
on the floor isn't a danger to him anymore so John can stop 
now. Sherlock stammers that it's okay, John can do whatever he 
wants because "I killed his wife." "Yes, you did," John growls 
and they kind of stare at each other while shamelessly mournful 
music plays. 

Okay, let's talk about this for a second, because I think there 
was a lot of confusion from fans with incredibly facile 
understanding of relationships and human behavior after this 
episode aired claiming this was out of character. While 
basically everything about this season is pretty clunky and 
forced, I have no problem believing John is capable of doing 
this. I suspect part of the problem is fans who see Mary as a 
one-dimensional villain and can't fathom that John ever 
actually loved her. He has been in avoidance mode and seeing 
Sherlock raving like a lunatic while waving a sharp implement 
could absolutely trigger a sudden discharge of the pent up 
grief and rage that has been building since her death. Is it 
misguided of him to take it out on Sherlock? Probably, but when 
has a person in the throes of grief ever behaved rationally?
   Chrissy: It could also be triggered by seeing the other 
    person who "loves him most in the world" threaten to 
    self-destruct.
   Diandra: Yes. Fear and helplessness. Probably upset that 
    he can't find a way to make this insanity stop and get 
    back to reality. Also, even though this is mostly 
    ignored now, he was a soldier.
   Chrissy: And I assume these fans who don't get this are 
    the ones you were arguing with on Twitter?
   Diandra: There is no arguing with them. They develop a 
    pack mentality and attack anyone they deem the smallest 
    threat to their fragile little world perspective where 
    everything is sunshine and rainbows and everybody is 
    fully accepting of everything and everybody and couples 
    never fight for ANY reason EVER.
   Chrissy: Well, that probably explains a lot of 
    fanfiction.
   Diandra: Ugh. Why am I even involved in fandom anymore 
    at my age?
   Chrissy: Because if there weren't a few grown-ups like 
    you fandom would be entirely made up of insufferable 
    tweens.

We fade out and back in to a hospital room where Sherlock is 
lying seemingly unconscious and John is hovering at the end of 
the bed. Nurse Cornish enters and asks if he’s just stopped by 
to say hello.
   Chrissy: Or more importantly “I’m sorry I put you in 
    this hospital bed.”
   Diandra: Nah. He’s just going to angst silently.
John says he’s just here to say goodbye, actually. Nurse 
Cornish protests that Sherlock should pull through. I mean, 
yeah, it looks bad, but he’s strong and they have to think 
positively. John doesn’t point out that that’s probably not 
what he meant by saying “goodbye”. He just stares a little 
longer and then sets his old cane on the chair as a “parting 
gift”. Nurse Cornish thinks that’s cute. 

As John is leaving, the phone rings and Cornish answers. She 
calls him back, saying it’s for him. He sighs heavily, takes 
the phone and says “hello, Mycroft.” Mycroft’s voice says there 
is a car downstairs waiting for him.
   Chrissy: So nice of him to give John a warning first 
    this time. 
   Diandra: Guess the fact that what he usually did was 
    basically glorified kidnapping finally got through to 
    him.

In the car, Mary’s ghost says Sherlock should have definitely 
worn the hat. John asks her why they are still thinking about 
Sherlock. She’s like ‘I don’t know, why are we?’
   Chrissy: Is this going to be like that time I 
    accidentally called YOU Sherlock?
   Diandra: Well, we were having sex at the time...
   Chrissy: And I said I was sorry!
John says she has her “disapproving” face on. She reminds him 
that she’s inside his head, so it must be self-loathing.

Sherlock’s room. Nurse Cornish turns out the lights and leaves. 
The second the door is closed a whole panel of the wall 
opposite the bed moves and Culverton steps out from behind it. 
The camera lingers on his hands so we can see that he’s wearing 
gloves and therefore will not be getting fingerprints anywhere. 
He pulls up a chair and just sits staring at Sherlock creepily.
   Chrissy: I think the “creepy” part is probably redundant 
   when you’re describing anything he’s doing.

John arrives at 221b just as Mycroft is demanding to know where 
Mrs. Hudson is. One of his minions stops taking down all the 
serial killer conspiracy crap to say she’ll be up in a moment. 
John asks what they’re doing. Mycroft asks if he’s noticed the 
meth lab that was formerly their kitchen, then says he’s trying 
to establish a timeline of when, exactly, Sherlock went off the 
deep end and why and he thinks John may be able to help. John 
asks if these guys crawling around are spooks and is Mycroft 
really using agents to check up on his family now?
   Chrissy: Now?
   Diandra: I know. It’s like the last three seasons never 
    happened.
   Chrissy: Well, maybe it would be better if we just 
    assumed that was how Mofftiss went into writing this 
    season.

Mycroft repeats the part about Sherlock being a national 
security concern. He just wants to know why Sherlock is so 
obsessed with Culverton Smith of all people. He notes that 
Sherlock has had obsessions before but “this goes a bit further 
than setting a mantrap for Father Christmas”. 

Okay, sidebar. I know there has always been a debate over 
whether Sherlock Holmes was somewhere on the autism spectrum. I 
saw this last comment in particular cited as evidence that 
Mofftiss agreed with that diagnosis. I never subscribed to this 
theory because it always hinges on the same two or three 
behaviors and basically ignores anything else that might 
contradict it. This is a great example of confirmation bias. Is 
it possible that the man Doyle based his original character on 
had some sort of undiagnosed social disorder? Yes. But he 
didn’t know enough about it himself to be consistent and 
accurate in his depiction of someone with that disorder. 
Especially since Sherlock Holmes wasn’t ENTIRELY based on that 
man. Doyle gave him some of his own traits along with probably 
traits he observed in other people he didn’t specifically 
mention and crap he made up. HE WAS A WRITER, NOT A 
PSYCHOLOGIST. Actually, he had a medical degree, but even today 
the medical profession is separated into doctors who treat 
physical conditions and ones that treat mental conditions and 
Doyle was the former. If people want to see Sherlock Holmes as 
autistic and continue to passionately argue the theory, that’s 
fine. But when it comes to this particular interpretation of 
Sherlock Holmes I think it would be best for everyone if it was 
assumed that Mofftiss don’t really believe he is on the 
spectrum and are just throwing references (like the one John 
made in Hound of Baskerville) out there to be clever. I say 
this because if we assume they really believe he has the 
disorder, that would make what is about to happen in the next 
episode all the more insulting.
   Chrissy: Or maybe they really do believe that autism is 
    caused by childhood trauma and can be cured.
   Diandra: I find that thought too horrific to 
    contemplate. Mostly because I always thought they were 
    smart and that would be the most flamingly stupid 
    suggestion I’ve ever heard in my life.

Ghost Mary circles while he’s talking, prompting John to “ask 
him”. Mycroft says the part about spending all night talking to 
a woman who wasn’t actually there was particularly alarming. 
Ghost Mary gets offended. So...you know...John is offended. 
John says the last time he and Mycroft spoke on the phone, he 
said the fact that he was Sherlock’s brother didn’t matter. 
Mycroft is like ‘yeah? So?’ “You said it didn’t the last time 
and it wouldn’t with Sherlock.” So who was he talking about?
   Chrissy: You’re really going to regret asking that.
   Diandra: EVERYBODY is going to regret him asking that.
Mycroft is like ‘no, that didn’t mean anything. Forget I said 
it.’ Unfortunately, it turns out Mofftiss are terrible at 
listening to themselves, so John presses the issue, accusing 
Mycroft of lying to him. “Sherlock’s not your only brother. 
There’s another one, isn’t there?” Mycroft confidently says no, 
there isn’t. John ignores this and asks if this secret brother 
is locked in a tower somewhere. Mycroft purses his lips and is 
saved from answering by Mrs. Hudson’s arrival.

Mrs. Hudson asks what all these “dreadful” people are doing in 
HER HOUSE. Mycroft apologizes and gives her the abbreviated but 
overly formal version of his explanation about trying to figure 
out what set Sherlock off. Mrs. Hudson says so basically 
they’re trying to get into Sherlock’s head? Is that all? She 
laughs and marvels that Sherlock thinks Mycroft is the smart 
one. She pats John on the arm and unnecessarily adds that he 
knows John is an idiot, but that’s okay because he’s a good 
person and a good doctor.
   Chrissy: Sigh.
“But he has no idea what an idiot you are,” she concludes. 
Mycroft asks if there is a reason for this character abuse. 
   Chrissy: We find all forms of character abuse and 
   assassination funny on this show.
They have a little duel wherein they try to determine who knows 
Sherlock better. She says Sherlock isn’t about THINKING, even 
if he gives that impression. He’s emotional. When he can’t 
solve a case, he shoots the wall. When he doesn’t get his 
breakfast on schedule he takes it out on the fridge. She 
prompts John to remember what he does when he can’t answer a 
question. John looks at the knife on the mantle. He goes to 
check and finds the envelope Mary sent skewered beneath the 
switchblade.
   Chrissy: Wasn’t that where he was keeping prospective 
    cases at some point?
   Diandra: Maybe, but I’ve given up believing in Mofftiss’ 
    ability to maintain continuity on this show.
   Chrissy: It really is sad how bitter you have become 
    about this.
   Diandra: I think of it as a stage on the way to 
    acceptance. Sort of like the five stages of grieving, 
    but in this particular case the stages are horror, 
    disbelief, tinhatting, bitterness and acceptance.

Mrs. Hudson says she always thought if Sherlock was actually 
good at being a detective, she wouldn’t need to replace that 
mantle. John finds the “miss me” disc and if you’re keeping 
track of all the details that might suggest that this whole 
season is in John’s head or something you might note that Ghost 
Mary was saying this before he even knew about the disc, 
apparently. But as I said, continuity – which Mofftiss were so 
careful about before – seems to be just a vague suggestion at 
this point.

They play the video and John freaks out immediately and asks 
them to stop. Mrs. Hudson orders everyone out. When they don’t 
move, she berates them, saying John is her friend, that woman 
is his dead wife and if they have a shred of human decency they 
will show some respect and leave. Everyone leaves but Mycroft, 
because of course. Mrs. Hudson gets up in his grill and snarls 
at him to get out of her house, “you reptile”. Mycroft slinks 
away.
   Chrissy: I believe the word is “slithers” actually.
   Diandra: Hiss.
   Chrissy: Yes, exactly.

Back at the hospital, Sherlock opens his eyes and Culverton 
smarms that it took him SO LONG to wake up and he was watching 
the whole time. Sherlock gulps and Culverton tells him to take 
it easy because “I don’t want to rush this.”
   Chrissy: I think we mentioned this in a previous recap, 
    but...can we talk about the creepy sexualizing of all 
    the villains on this show now?
   Diandra: I believe what I said when you last mentioned 
    that was that there was a whole sub-conversation about 
    the fact that every one of them has been LGBT and 
    perving after Sherlock. And look, here’s more evidence!
   Chrissy: Yeah. I just was wondering what the psych major 
    who just lectured on diagnosing fictional characters 
    with real mental disorders thought about the subtle 
    homophobia inherent here.
   Diandra: I think a lot of people object to it being 
    called that on the grounds that all the writers and 
    actors on this show either are LGBT or are very 
    supportive straight allies. But they forget that 
    societal bias can be internalized. This is how you get 
    people who say they are pro-gay rights but are grossed 
    out at the sight of two men kissing. What I’m saying is 
    I think Mark Gatiss may have some issues, which really 
    I began to suspect when I saw an old show he did 
    wherein I realized he thinks animal abuse is funny.
   Chrissy: So how does Steven fit into that?
   Diandra: He had two lesbian relationships on Doctor Who. 
    Both of them ended in death and tragedy. One without 
    even getting off the ground in the first place. I think 
    he’s afraid of pushing the envelope too far and trying 
    to balance LGBT representation with a traditionally 
    conservative network and viewing public. 
   Chrissy: So all this explains why their attempts at 
    representation on this show have been negative so far.
   Diandra: Maybe. But if you try to point any of this out, 
    you get a response of “Johnlock was never a thing. We 
    didn’t queerbait.”
   Emilio: See, this is why you need to do a podcast with 
    me.
   Diandra: Of course you would say that.
   Emilio: I’m just saying, if I’m going to talk about 
    Sherlock, I think you should be there.

Anyway.

Back at 221b, John and Mrs. Hudson are watching the video and 
we get a bit more context. Mary tells Sherlock that she needs 
him to do something for her after she’s gone. “Save John 
Watson. Don’t think anyone else is going to save him because 
there isn’t anyone. It’s up to you.” Mrs. Hudson offers to do 
this later, but John stubbornly refuses. Mary acknowledges that 
Sherlock may need some help with that, seeing as he’s not good 
with people. “So here are a few things you need to know about 
the man we both love.”
   Chrissy: Oh, sorry, did we say love? We meant...uh...
   Diandra: Sherlock said they were the two people who 
    loved John most in the world at the wedding. The fact 
    that more people have spent more time trying to explain 
    this away than the few overly literal shippers who have 
    pointed to it as evidence of something more says a lot 
    about our society. 
   Chrissy: Internalized homophobia?
   Diandra: Yeah, that and the collective confusion of the 
    difference between love and sex.
   Emilio: That’s a result of the Freudian obsession with 
    sex.
   Chrissy: Is there going to be a war of the majors here?
   Diandra: No, he’s right. Freud was obsessed with sex. I 
    believe we have talked about this. Everything looked 
    like genetalia to him and he felt really conflicted 
    about his desire to bang his adopted mother. All of 
    this during very repressed Victorian times which, 
    appropriately, is when Doyle started writing Sherlock 
    Holmes.
   Emilio: There is a theory that Doyle intended to make 
    Holmes gay, but he had to be subtle about it because 
    homosexuality was illegal at the time.
   Chrissy: Really?
   Diandra: Don’t encourage him or we’ll be on a tangent 
    for at least an hour.
   Chrissy: As opposed to what we’ve been doing already?
   Diandra: Yeah, well...shut up.

Hospital. Sherlock asks how Culverton got in, looking barely 
conscious. Culverton asks if he’s referring to the policemen 
standing guard outside. He prompts Sherlock to come up with the 
answer himself, since he’s given him so many clues with the 
whole H.H. Holmes thing. He built this wing of the hospital he 
made sure Sherlock was in and he kept firing architects so 
nobody ever knew the whole completed design. So he can go 
wherever he likes through secret passageways. He says enough of 
this cat and mouse: he wants to know why Sherlock walked so 
willingly into his trap like a tributary human sacrifice.
   Chrissy: Yeah, let’s ignore the actual words he said 
   which had a lot more rape subtext. Good thinking.
Sherlock says Culverton knows why. Culverton says he wants to 
hear him say it.
   Chrissy: Also, you can refer to me as “sir” or “Master”. 
    Or, if you really prefer, I can also answer to “daddy”.
   Diandra: You’re not helping.
   Chrissy: Sorry.
   Diandra: No, you’re not.
   Chrissy: Nope.
“I want you to kill me,” Sherlock says.
   Chrissy: That’s a euphemism right?
   Emilio: Freud!
   Diandra: Both of you knock it off.

221b. John runs out of the front door, cell phone in hand. Mrs. 
Hudson chases after him and tosses him the keys to her car. 
Well, how about that. Turns out she would let him borrow it and 
he didn’t even have to ask.

Hospital. Sherlock suggests increasing the dosage on the IV in 
his arm four or five times. The toxic shock should kill him 
within an hour. Culverton adds that if he restores the settings 
after that it will look like an error or that Sherlock did it 
himself. “You are good at this,” he chortles. He takes off his 
coat and starts rolling up his sleeves, asking Sherlock to tell 
him how he feels. Sherlock hesitantly says he’s scared. 
Culverton wants him to be more specific and reminds him that he 
wanted this. “I have reasons,” Sherlock says. Culverton prompts 
that he doesn’t really want to DIE though, does he? Sherlock 
agrees. Culverton grins and asks him to say that again 
repeatedly. Sherlock says “I don’t want to die” three times, 
twice robotically and once with more hesitation and a little 
whimper. Culverton leans within inches of his face and marvels 
at how “lovely” this is. Yeah, sorry about your impotence, 
dude.
   Chrissy: Is this the psych major talking or the girl who 
    has seen enough “Criminal Minds” to know that fictional 
    serial killers get sexual pleasure only by killing 
    people?
   Diandra: Yeah, probably.
Culverton starts pushing buttons on the machine controlling the 
drip.

In the car, John is begging someone on the phone to listen to 
him because he doesn’t think Sherlock is safe. Lestrade’s voice 
answers that he’s fine because he’s got a guy at the door. He 
asks what John thinks is happening. John doesn’t know, but he 
thinks it has to do with something Mary said in a message to 
Sherlock.

And now we see the rest of the message. Mary says John never 
accepts help from anyone, but he also never refuses to GIVE it. 
Er...yeah. Doctor and a soldier. Sherlock should know that 
already.

I’m sorry, when I said we would see the rest of the message, 
obviously I meant the rest of the message is going to be 
dragged out for a few more scenes. I don’t know what I was 
thinking. Back in the hospital, Culverton asks curiously why, 
exactly, they are doing this. Sherlock says he wanted to hear 
Culverton’s confession and prove he was right. Culverton asks 
why he needs to DIE to do that. He says because the reason the 
morgue is Culverton’s favorite room is because he likes to talk 
to the dead. Confess to people who CAN’T betray his secrets, 
drugged or not.

The guard outside gets a call from Lestrade, presumably, and 
tries to open the door. It won’t open and he says it’s jammed. 
Nurse Cornish arrives and says that door is always locking 
itself. Inside, Sherlock asks why Culverton kills people. He 
rambles and the upshot of it is that he thinks it’s fun and he 
can. So he’s a psycho. Or, if you are using Mofftiss’ special 
DSM that defines autism as trauma-based, he is a high-
functioning sociopath or something. I guess. He keeps rambling 
about how death isn’t like you see in the movies. Dead people 
don’t even look like people anymore. They’re just “things”. “I 
like to make people into things. Then you can own them.” Then 
he decides that this is taking too long and he never was very 
good with patience. He adjusts the bed until Sherlock is laying 
flat and stands over him, telling him he can take a big breath 
if he wants and then covering his mouth and nose.

Recorded Mary finishes the thought she started five minutes 
ago: the only way to save John is to let him save you. “Go to 
hell, Sherlock.”
   Chrissy: Ah, yes. That makes much more sense when you 
    have the rest of the context.
   Diandra: No, it doesn’t.
She adds that he needs to make it look like he means it. 
   Chrissy: As opposed to that time you just flung yourself 
    off a building and made me think you really were dead 
    for two years.
   Diandra: How many times do I have to apologize for that?

To add insult to injury, Culverton is still rambling about how 
very difficult an addiction like serial murder is to maintain. 
It takes a lot of work to avoid detection. But having a lot of 
money helps. Also being famous and beloved. You can get away 
with a LOT if you have those things. Sherlock flails and slaps 
at him ineffectively. Culverton also points out that people go 
missing all the time and nobody suspects murder if it’s easier 
to believe something else like suicide or drug overdose or 
something. He just has to be careful with who he chooses to 
kill.

Recorded Mary is unnecessarily adding instructions to Sherlock 
to pick a fight with a bad guy and put himself in harm’s way so 
John can save him. I say this is unnecessary because it HAPPENS 
IN ALMOST EVERY EPISODE. Seriously, did she ever READ any of 
her husband’s blog? The man is the ultimate damsel in distress. 
Except for the, like, two times when their roles were reversed. 

Culverton is whispering to Sherlock to keep eye contact while 
he’s dying because “I like to watch it happen”. John arrives in 
the hall outside just then and finds nobody outside the locked 
door. Sherlock’s eyes roll back in his head and the monitor 
starts shrieking a second before John breaks down the door, 
armed with a chair. Culverton lets go and Sherlock gasps 
loudly. The apparently useless officer Lestrade assigned 
arrives to ask if Sherlock is okay.
   Chrissy: *coughcoughgaspwheeze* fuck...you...
John asks what the hell Culverton was just doing and rips him 
away from the bed. Culverton babbles that Sherlock was in 
distress and he was just helping. John shoves him at the guard 
and orders him to restrain him, then turns to Sherlock and asks 
what he was really just doing. Sherlock gasps that he was 
suffocating him and overdosing him on saline. Everyone is 
baffled at this last part. John goes to check the bags while 
Sherlock explains that he had Nurse Cornish change them in 
anticipation of Culverton’s attempted murder. John says so he’s 
okay then? Sherlock says of course not. He’s malnourished, his 
kidneys are failing “and frankly I’ve been off my tits for 
weeks. What kind of doctor are you?”
   Chrissy: Okay, so we have plenty of witnesses to vouch 
    for me at the trial then? We’re cool if I finish 
    strangling him myself?
   Diandra: You keep joking about that, but you love me too 
    much.
   Chrissy: You go ahead and keep telling yourself that.

Sherlock slumps back and says he got a confession though. 
Culverton blusters that he never made any sort of confession. 
What would he confess to? Sherlock says he can listen to it 
later. Culverton is like ‘listen to what? Oh, by the way, on a 
probably completely unrelated note, we found three recording 
devices in your coat and removed them. Hope they weren’t 
important.’ Sherlock looks alarmed for a second, then says 
“there must be something comforting about the number three. 
People always give up after three.” Fans firmly entrenched in 
the denial and tinhatting stages of coming to grips with this 
season used this as “evidence” that there was a fourth episode 
that explained why the rest of the episodes looked so fucky.
   Chrissy: Particularly the next episode, which looks like 
   it was based on a dream one of the writers had while on 
   a bad trip.
He smirks at John, who calls him a “cock” and reaches for the 
cane Sherlock apparently anticipated he would leave as a 
parting gift. Or whatever. Because he has godlike 
foreknowledge. John unscrews the top to find the bug with a red 
recording light. “Two weeks ago?” “Three.” “I’m that 
predictable?” Yeah, apparently everybody is puppets in the 
theater of his mind palace.
   Chrissy: Characters in his snowglobe universe.
   Diandra: ......holy crap, I think we may have figured it 
    out. Sherlock IS Tommy Westphall.
   Emilio: [laughter and thumbs up emojis]

In the interrogation room, Culverton concludes that he’s always 
wanted to confess, really and he should have done it sooner. 
Lestrade says they’ll continue this interview tomorrow. 
Culverton is like ‘but I’m not tired! It isn’t even that late! 
And hey, I’m probably going to be so famous for this now...’ 
Lestrade stalks away in disgust.

221b. Sherlock is in his chair, a cup of tea in his hands, 
saying he had “several” backup plans in case the main one 
failed, but he couldn’t remember what any of them were, so... 
Besides, he was a bit thrown by the whole hallucinating the 
daughter thing. John nods from his chair and Ghost Mary 
translates for him that Sherlock became whacked out on drugs to 
force John to help him so he’d have something to do that would 
make him feel useful and needed. “You get that now, don’t you?” 
Sherlock continues that the hallucinating thing is particularly 
confusing because it seemed so REAL and she even gave him 
information he’s pretty sure he couldn’t have gotten anywhere 
else. He says he has theorized before “that if one could 
attenuate to every available data stream in the world 
simultaneously it would be possible to anticipate and deduce 
almost anything. 
   Chrissy: If you are suggesting you can achieve this 
    through doing enough drugs to almost kill you, so help 
    me...
   Diandra: Ancient tribes used drugs to heighten their 
    consciousness, John. This is hardly a new concept.
   Chrissy: It really is disturbing how much we sound like 
    them sometimes, isn’t it?
   Diandra: Like who? You’re not making any sense, John.
   Chrissy: Okay, you can stop now.
John concludes that he dreamed up a woman who told him exactly 
what he needed to know. I’m sure those of us who saw “The Final 
Problem” WISH it were that simple.

Sherlock does, in fact, suggest the drugs may have helped “open 
doors” in his mind that he hadn’t even thought of. John says 
that’s why they’re all taking turns babysitting him to make 
sure he doesn’t try using again. Sherlock is like ‘oh, is that 
why you’re here? I thought maybe you just decided you wanted to 
spend time with me again.’ John checks his watch and says Molly 
will arrive in 20 minutes. Sherlock thinks he can be left alone 
for 20 minutes.
   Chrissy: No, you can’t.
John is like ‘okay, sure!’, finishes his own tea and acts like 
he’s going to leave then. Sherlock kind of rolls his eyes and 
Mary yells at him to for god’s sake stay and TALK.
   Chrissy: So basically you’re the part of my subconscious 
    that has always sounded like Sherlock.
   Diandra: If it makes you feel any better, he obviously 
    has a part of his that sounds like you. Just ask Molly. 
    Or that sadistic baron who...
   Chrissy: Jesus, would you drop the sadistic baron thing 
    already?!

John apologetically explains that he has to go because...Rosie. 
Sherlock is like oh, yes, of course. Mary is like ‘screw our 
baby’ “go and solve crimes together. Make him wear the hat.”
   Chrissy: I’m totally using “solve crimes together” as a 
    euphemism from now on.
   Diandra: And “wear the hat” means... no, never mind. I’m 
    pretty sure I know what it means.
John asks if Sherlock is sure he’ll be okay. Sherlock is like 
yeah, fine. I’ll come by to visit sometime soon. “Actually, he 
should wear the hat as a special tribute to me,” Mary rambles 
to fill the awkward silence, which is...a weird thing for John 
to think right now. John starts to leave and Sherlock blurts 
that the recordings are probably going to be inadmissible. 
Because, you know, technically what they did was entrapment. 
But it probably doesn’t matter since Culverton seems incapable 
of shutting up now. John is like uh-huh, so...why are you 
bringing this up now? There’s another awkward silence before 
Sherlock asks if John is okay. John, who was just getting 
through the doorway, comes back to say no, actually, he’s not, 
but “it is what it is. And what it is is shit.”
   Chrissy: Unsurprisingly, this became the mantra of fans 
   disappointed by the coming insanity.

Sherlock looks chastised and Mary prompts him to “do better.” 
John sighs and says Sherlock didn’t kill Mary. She made the 
choice to jump in front of the bullet and save him. Nobody made 
her do it because “nobody could make her do anything.” And this 
is why I bristle whenever fans treat Mary like an unwanted 
intruder on the show. She is the most consistently strong 
female on this show. Period. Yes, she was an assassin and she 
lied, but I thought with all these antihero cable shows people 
were getting better at making a distinction between that and an 
actual villain.
   Emilio: Adults can. You just said the majority of the 
    fandom is young.
   Diandra: Oh. I did, didn’t I? This is why I need you 
    guys to help me do recaps: I can never remember what I 
    say. Yeah, I don’t know how it happened, but somehow a 
    show featuring 100 year old stories has a fan base made 
    up primarily of kids who aren’t old enough to drive.
   Chrissy: Which means they are certainly not old enough 
    to drink, so that might explain why they had such a 
    hard time coping with the next episode.
   Diandra: Yeah. How are we doing on the liquor supply by 
    the way?
   Chrissy: If I figured the numbers right based on past 
    experience, we should have enough to end this season 
    (and possibly the entire show) completely blitzed.

Sherlock suggests that he thinks she puts more value on his 
life than he would himself. John says well...er...I’ll see you 
when I take my shift tomorrow then. He goes to leave again and 
Sherlock’s phone suddenly blares the Irene moaning ringtone 
that he apparently STILL hasn’t bothered to change. John turns 
and asks what that was. Sherlock looks around like a small 
child pretending not to have heard it and asks what he’s 
talking about. Mary recalls for the casual viewer that Irene 
Adler is supposed to be dead, but suggests maybe she isn’t 
because Sherlock saved her. John stares at Sherlock while Mary 
laughs at the idea that the “posh boy” loves the dominatrix. 
Yes, well, that lends itself to the same problem as the idea of 
him loving John, doesn’t it? Because while Irene may be 
flexible (especially when it comes to her work), she clearly 
stated a preference for women. This doesn’t conflict with the 
idea that they might have had an affair, mind. But the 
suggestion that a woman who said “I’m gay” didn’t really mean 
it and could have an actual relationship with a man is frankly 
offensive, especially when combined with the repeated pointing 
to John saying “I’m not gay” as bulletproof evidence of his 
heterosexuality. It’s like one of those lesbian pornos that is 
clearly meant for men that suggests women aren’t actually gay. 
They just mess around with each other until a real man comes 
along and straightens them out. There’s no way a gay man would 
write that heterosexist nonsense, is there?
   Chrissy: I think Gatiss explained it as the reverse of 
    his own situation where he claimed to be bi because it 
    was more socially acceptable than being gay.
   Emilio: Speaking as a member of the LGBT community, I 
    don’t know ANYONE who does that.
   Diandra: Yeah, it’s not like either one is any more 
    socially acceptable than the other unless you are 
    banking on the people you’re lying to being ignorant.

John announces that he’s going to make a deduction. Sherlock is 
like oh, okay, this should be fun. “Happy Birthday.” Sherlock 
makes faces, nods and thanks him. This is where the people 
trying to figure out timelines for this show probably just 
threw in the towel. Because it’s... what...summer? Maybe? It 
certainly doesn’t look like January, which is when everybody 
traditionally has marked Sherlock Holmes’ birthday (plug it 
into Google. I’ll wait). But since this is Mofftiss we’re 
talking about, I guess we can assume they decided Sherlock 
Holmes should share a birthday with Benedict Cumberbatch in 
July now.
   Chrissy: Maybe they didn’t know? I mean, you’ve been 
    pointing out references they’ve been screwing up all 
    along.
   Diandra: That or they’ve stopped caring about details 
    like that.
   Chrissy: Also, his birthday was never explicitly stated, 
    was it? That was just decided on by a Sherlock Holmes 
    scholar based on circumstantial evidence.
   Diandra: Like the theory that Sherlock and Mycroft had 
    another sibling because somebody had to be taking care 
    of the family estate while they went gallivanting 
    around London?
   Chrissy: Oh. Right. Guess they’re cherry picking 
    fanwanks then.
   Diandra: Obviously.

John muses that he never actually knew when Sherlock’s birthday 
was. 
   Chrissy: You still might not. He might be just playing 
    along to appease you and it really is in January.
   Diandra: Don’t start tinhatting yet. There’s going to be 
    PLENTY of opportunities to do that later.
“Seriously, we’re not going to talk about this? How does it 
work,” John asks. Sherlock plays dumb. John asks how he meets 
up with The Woman. Do they just check into a hotel for “dinner” 
or something? Sherlock groans and says he’s still not texting 
her back. John asks why the hell not because she’s out there, 
alive, and she obviously likes him. And yes, she’s a lunatic 
and probably a dangerous criminal, but he’s still lucky to have 
her.
   Chrissy: Projecting? Me? What would make you think I was 
   projecting?
“Trust you to fall for a sociopath,” John mutters. “Oh, married 
an assassin,” Ghost Mary fires back snottily. 

“Just text her back,” John concludes, frustrated. Sherlock asks 
why the hell he would do that and repeats that he has no 
interest in romantic entanglements. And neither does she, 
probably. John says fuck that, it would “complete you as a 
human being.” Sherlock is like ‘what the hell is that greeting 
card bullshit? Isn’t that a movie quote?’
   Emilio: You make me want to be a better man?
   Diandra: Oh, yeah, that’s the one I’m thinking of. 
    Thanks.
   Chrissy: Wait...what are we talking about?
John tells Sherlock to do something while there’s still a 
chance because he knows opportunities like this in life are 
fleeting. “Trust me, Sherlock. It’s gone before you know it.”
   Chrissy: Seriously, why does everyone think I’m 
   projecting? [nervous laughter]

John, who apparently can’t shut up anymore now that the 
floodgates are opened, says Mary was wrong about him, by the 
way. He says in the video she put forward a theory that John 
couldn’t resist rescuing Sherlock if he put himself in harm’s 
way. But he only did it because she told him to do it. “She 
taught me to be the man she already thought I was.” He thinks 
Sherlock should find somebody like that.
   Chrissy: Find somebody who thinks you are brilliant and 
    the most human person they have ever met. 
   Diandra: Even if they also think I’m the biggest asshole 
    they ever met?
   Chrissy: Ye...wait a minute.
Sherlock invites John to take a really good look at who he’s 
talking to here. He doesn’t make very many friends. “And I can 
safely say...” Before he can get to the end of that thought, 
John interrupts that he cheated on Mary. When Sherlock responds 
with stunned silence, he turns to Ghost Mary and starts 
outright talking to her. He cheated on her with a woman he met 
on the bus. He texted with her every time Mary left the room to 
take care of their daughter. That’s as far as it ever went: 
texting and fantasies, but he feels guilty because he WANTED it 
to go further and really he still kind of does.
   Chrissy: You know, most guys don’t consider it cheating 
   until they actually fuck another woman. And even then, 
   they’ll make excuses that they just couldn’t help 
   themselves. I mean, it’s nice that he’s not like most 
   guys, but...
Bottom line: he was never the person Mary thought he was. Never 
could be. He starts tearing up and adds that that’s the point 
though, because he wanted to be the person she THOUGHT he was. 
Mary, who has been smiling serenely through this entire rant, 
invites him to “get the hell on with it” then.  She tears up a 
little herself, then apparently disappears.

Sherlock, who is probably glad to see someone acting more 
unraveled than he has for the past few days, puts down his tea, 
gets up and pulls John into a hug, awkwardly saying that it’s 
okay. John mutters that it really isn’t. Sherlock agrees, but 
“it is what it is”. John sobs into his chest as the scene fades 
out. And fades in again immediately for some reason on some 
time later when John announces that Molly is meeting them at 
this place for dinner and there WILL be cake involved because 
it is Sherlock’s birthday. Sherlock mutters something about 
having to settle for a sugar high while he pulls on his coat. 
Then he says for what it’s worth: “it was just texting”. He 
says people do that. Even him, although he knows it’s a bad 
idea and he tries not to but the Woman is so damn INSISTENT. 
“It’s not a pleasant thought, John, but I have this terrible 
feeling from time to time that we might all just be human.” 
John snorts and asks “even you?” Sherlock says no, “even YOU.” 
John blinks, looks uncomfortable, and says they should go have 
that cake then.
   Emilio: You know what cake can be a euphemism for, 
    right?
   Chrissy: We should invite him to join us for the next 
    recap/drinking party.
   Diandra: He doesn’t drink hard liquor.
   Chrissy: I got beer and wine too.
   Emilio: He’s definitely up for it.
   Chrissy: That’s what [Diandra muffles the rest of that 
    sentence with one hand]
   Emilio: [gif of a hot dog getting mustard squirted on 
    it]
   Diandra: Jesus. You two can definitely never be in the 
    same room together.
Sherlock realizes something and wanders over to his desk, 
pulling the deerstalker out of a drawer and plopping it on his 
head. “I’m Sherlock Holmes. I wear the damned hat,” he 
announces, which...is a response to something that John said in 
his mind palace, so... He walks past John and tosses back 
“isn’t that right, Mary?” John takes one last look at the empty 
apartment and follows Sherlock.

Okay, so if you are mostly happy with this season so far, this 
is where you want to stop reading. Just assume that Sherlock 
really did just imagine Faith visited him and the fact that she 
bore a resemblance to John’s therapist and the woman on the bus 
he was “cheating” on Mary with is nothing more than a 
coincidence or a clue that something like “Abominable Bride” is 
going on here. All the references to a third brother were just 
a nod to a fan theory from nearly a century ago. Seriously, do 
this because that would have been much better. I’m tempted to 
do this myself and just stop recapping here and wait to find 
out if there will actually be another season that will 
hopefully begin with a Bobby-Ewing-in-the-Shower style reveal 
that all of this was going on in somebody’s mind palace or 
trippy dream because that is the ONLY EXPLANATION THAT MAKES 
ANY SENSE.
   Chrissy: No, you didn’t make me buy all this alcohol for 
    nothing. You can do this.
   Diandra: [whine]

Fine. We who are about to die salute you. Kiss all sanity 
goodbye.

John is back with Therapist E, who notes that he’s doing much 
better. He says yes, he thinks so, but he’s taking it day by 
day. The camera angle highlights the fact that the rug on the 
floor between them is blood red, which may or may not mean 
anything. E asks about Rosie. John says she’s wonderful and the 
best little girl who has ever existed and that’s not just his 
bias as a parent talking. Sure. And if you ask my mother, all 
babies are ugly and she hates when people show off pictures of 
theirs. “Except you. You were adorable.” E asks about Sherlock. 
John says he’s “back to normal” whatever that is.

We get a quick cutaway of Sherlock kicking out a potential 
client who thinks his wife is channeling Satan.
   Chrissy: His name is Stephen Moffat and it’s perfectly    
   normal around here.
E asks about Sherlock’s brother. John says Mycroft is “fine”. 
And we get a cutaway of Lady Smallwood handing him her private 
phone number and patiently explaining that maybe they can get a 
drink sometime when he asks why he would need it. She leaves 
him still probably slowly realizing that she’s offering a date. 

Okay, sidebar. I know I’ve joked for the past eleven recaps 
about Mycroft and Lestrade being an item. That’s just because 
that seems to be one of the more popular pairings in the 
fandom. When it comes to the actual canon of the show, I 
figured the writers would go with the even more common pairing 
of Mycroft and nobody because who the hell cares? This is 
supposed to be about the cases right? Why do we need to focus 
on relationship sideplots involving characters who were only 
ever in four of the original 50 stories? I guess the answer is 
for the same reason the writers felt they needed to invent a 
female version of John so a character with no interest in 
relationships could have another heterosexual love interest. 
I’m just not sure what that reason actually is because none of 
this makes any sense to me.

Back in the “therapist” office, John admits that words like 
“normal” and “fine” are always relative when it comes to the 
Holmes brothers. E chuckles.

Sherlock finds the piece of paper “Faith” showed him that he 
used for all his deductions and concludes that he did speak to 
a real person despite all evidence to the contrary.

E says she wasn’t referring to Mycroft. She meant the “other 
one”. The “secret” one. John laughs and says he didn’t actually 
mean...wait...I didn’t tell you about that. How did you know 
about that conversation?
   Chrissy: Because I’m in your head. You’re dreaming right 
    now. None of this is real.
   Diandra: Don’t tease.
E argues that he must have. Or maybe Sherlock did. John says 
no, she’s only met Sherlock once and he was in the room and 
that was before this conversation even took place. Except he 
doesn’t point out this last part because it’s possible the 
writers weren’t aware of it either. E says oh, no, she met him 
before that day. In fact, they spent the whole night together. 
They had chips. She repeats one of the lines she said when she 
was with Sherlock even though John has no reason to recognize 
it.
   Chrissy: Unless that was all in his head too.
   Diandra: Quit it, you’re confusing me.
John just stares, so E takes off the mousy glasses with a sigh 
and explains that Culverton gave her Faith’s original notes. “A 
mutual friend put us in touch.” She goes to lock the door and 
asks if Sherlock ever told John about the note. She threw in a 
few extra things for him to deduce. He got most of it, but 
there was one thing he missed.

221b. Sherlock turns on a blacklight and the words “miss me?” 
appear in the middle of the note.

E pops out some colored contacts. Then she waves a plastic 
flower like the one John had when he saw her on the bus and 
reveals that she has been everyone for the past two episodes 
and isn’t it amazing how little attention men pay to faces?
   Chrissy: Um...did they just admit that it’s probably \ 
    only males who didn’t notice the three characters were 
    all played by the same woman?
   Diandra: That or they inadvertently admitted they assume 
    their primary audience is male. Which would explain why 
    they keep saying they don’t give a shit about the “few” 
    who complained about this past season.

John starts to get up and she pulls a gun on him and says the 
therapist who actually lives here probably doesn’t want them 
getting blood on the carpet. That is already bright red. Then 
she says eh, on second thought, it probably doesn’t matter 
because E shoved her in a sack in the closet. John asks who the 
hell she is anyway. She snorts that it’s obvious, isn’t it? 
“I’m Eurus. Silly name, isn’t it? Greek. Means the East Wind.” 
She keeps rambling about how her parents obviously loved to 
give their kids ridiculous names because hey, they named their 
boys Sherlock and Mycroft. Then, in case John really is a 
raving idiot, she asks if it ever occurred to him that the 
“secret brother” might actually be a secret sister. 
   Arthur Conan Doyle [from the afterlife]: No. No, it  
   fucking didn’t and stop adapting my stories.

She cocks her head and mutters to herself that John is making a 
funny face so “I think I’ll put a hole in it”. She raises the 
gun and fires and we cut to end credits.
   Diandra: Jesus, we’re really going to have to go through 
    with this, aren’t we?
   Chrissy: It’ll be fine. You’ll have me and Emilio here 
    to help you.
   Diandra: I know you think that’s reassuring, but...
   Emilio: Come on. Sarcasm and drinking are the best ways 
    to cope with poor writing and TV scripts.
   Diandra: Have I ever told you you’re a bad influence?
   Emilio: Yes. And so has your mother.
   Chrissy: Happy birthday, by the way.
   Diandra: Oh, shut up. It is not.
   Chrissy: Haha. I get it. Because you’re Sherlock. Fine. 
    Wanna take a break and do Thor before tackling this 
    insanity? I mean...that’s insane too, but at least it’s 
    meant to be that way.
   Diandra: You are actually willing to do a Thor movie 
    with me drooling over all the hot guys and not having a 
    clue what’s going on?
   Chrissy: Well...um...
   Diandra: I’m just going to say yes before you change 
    your mind. I’m pretty sure I have a bib around here 
    somewhere.
   Emilio: Have fun with that, Christine.
   Chrissy: Sure you won’t volunteer instead?
   Emilio: Nope.
   Chrissy: Damnit. I was just beginning to like you.
   Emilio: [thumbs up emoji]