"Torchwood, episode 1x11: Combat"

Starring: John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Burn Gorman, Naoko Mori, 
Gareth David-Lloyd, Kai Owen


Okay, we’re back. And by we I am including Christine, who has 
promised she will not go running out like she did last time at 
the first sign of Owen having a sex life.
   Chrissy: I’m sorry. From your description it sounds like 
    it was a great episode, but I just can’t handle 
    Sleezebag Owen.
   Diandra: Noted. 

We get a brief little recap of Diane leaving Owen from last 
episode for those of us that tuned out before they could get to 
the ending. Not naming any names. 
   Chrissy: I said I was sorry.

Cardiff, night. Jack chases a Weevil into a dead end. It paces 
back and forth and snarls at him while he pulls out a can of 
“anti-Weevil spray” and some handcuffs. “Let’s make this easier 
for both of us,” he says. The Weevil lunges at him and he gets 
in a couple blows before it claws at his chest and tosses him 
across the alley. He pauses for a minute so we can see his 
shirt is ripped open and covered in blood, mutters that this 
always happens when he gives the team the night off, and runs 
after the Weevil.

Gwen and Rhys are at a restaurant out on the terrace. He’s 
complaining that his steak isn’t well done enough. “French 
place, you see?” Hey, at least they know how to use sauces! 
   Chrissy: Says the person who recently realized she likes 
    English food.
   Diandra: The comment stands.
He starts to remind her of that one time they were in Paris, 
but he’s barely into the story before he stops and asks why the 
hell she’s looking at him like that. Gwen, who as far as I can 
tell, was giving the room in general a thousand yard stare, 
says like what? “Like you’d rather be somewhere else.” He 
complains that she’s doing that more and more these days. She 
apologizes and his tone goes from accusatory to guilty 
immediately. Was it something he did? She doesn’t get a chance 
to explain because the Weevil goes running by behind her, 
distracting Rhys. Gwen looks up just as Jack arrives, futzing 
with his wrist strap. She leaps up and makes alarmed noises at 
the bloody tear on his front. Jack ignores her. “Rhys is it? 
Nice to meet you. Sorry, dude, kind of an emergency. I’ll have 
her back for dessert.” “Hey, hold on Sunshine,” Rhys protests. 
Gwen’s like ‘this is Jack, by the way’. Rhys tells her to sit 
down. “He’s my boss,” she splutters. “SIT THE FUCK DOWN,” barks 
the man who may never get laid ever again. She blinks, tells 
him to never talk to her like that again, grabs her purse and 
goes running after Jack.

Jack apologizes again for interrupting her night off as they 
round a corner. She mutters that Rhys will get over it. Jack 
finally looks up from his wrist thingy and says woah, didn’t he 
tell her to not let work totally overtake her home life? His 
watch beeps before they can say anything else. 

They arrive at a car park just in time to see the Weevil run 
into some guys dressed in black with ski masks. They taser it, 
shove it in the back of a van and drive off with tires 
squealing before Jack and Gwen can reach them. “Who the hell 
were they,” asks Captain Obvious.

After the blipy credits we are back at the hub and Jack has 
changed into a new shirt.
   Chrissy: Why does he always do that off camera while 
    Owen parades his scrawny ass in front of it?
   Diandra: Because the Powers That Be hate you?
Jack asks how other people could know about Weevils now and how 
were they not aware that whatever this was was going on? And 
what are they doing with the Weevils? Ianto says there’s a 
surge in unusual injuries at the local emergency rooms. He 
hands Jack the report and Jack reads that patients are being 
admitted with chunks of skin taken from their limbs. Okay, so 
either that’s related or you have a zombie apocalypse to 
contend with now. He goes the easy route: there is a surge of 
Weevil attacks. Oh, and they’re becoming immune to the anti-
Weevil spray. How would you know? It didn’t look like you had a 
chance to actually use it. Tosh says she ran a trace on the 
van’s license plate and a) it’s fake and b) there are 2,500 
vans in the Cardiff area that look just like it. He blinks at 
her. “So run a trace on the...” “Route via traffic cameras,” 
Tosh interrupts. Yeah, she already did that and it’s 
processing. She practically skips past him with a look on her 
face like ‘haha! Still the smartest!’ Have I mentioned I love 
her?

Gwen calls home and leaves a message on the answering machine. 
Actually, she says it’s the third. “I’ve got dozens of 
excuses...hundreds, thousands. But none of them good enough.” 
We see Rhys at home listening to the message as she’s leaving 
it. She says it’s the job – it just never lets up. Welcome to 
the relationship problems of every cop, Gwen. Rhys goes to pick 
it up and hesitates as she says she’ll see him later but she’s 
not sure when because she has some work to finish up. He shakes 
his head and deletes it the second she hangs up.

Owen is at a bar, ignoring the ringing phone he inexplicably 
put on the counter. The bartender – a cute girl with a thick 
accent – gets tired of listening to it and grabs it, noting 
that it’s “work” and it’s the ninth time he’s missed the call. 
She says he must really enjoy his job then. Owen tells her he 
just wants to be left alone. Yeah, that’s why you went to a 
crowded bar and didn’t leave your phone in your pocket or turn 
it off or something. She pours him another drink and suggests 
he stay in the next time he feels like this. He says nah, he 
actually feels more alone in big crowds. Some guy comes over 
and yells at her for getting a little too friendly with the 
customers. “You’re never happier than when you’re flashing your 
tits at a passing dickhead.” Well, how do you expect her to get 
good tips? It’s a BAR. Owen tells him not to talk to her like 
that – they were just having a conversation. “One day when 
you’ve grown up, you’ll realize that’s what human beings do.”
   Chrissy: Wait a minute...who is this guy? 
   Diandra: Told you.
The guy takes a swing at him and a couple seconds later Owen 
has him pinned to the bar, lecturing about using the opponents 
own aggression against him. He suggests the bartender get a 
better boyfriend and tosses him onto the floor.
   Chrissy: No seriously, who is this guy and where has he 
   been for the last ten episodes?

Gwen wanders over to Tosh’s work station and says that Owen 
still isn’t answering. Tosh notes that he’s been more erratic 
than usual since the whole Diane thing. “Since the what,” Gwen 
asks cluelessly. Tosh gets an ‘oh crap’ look and says it’s none 
of her business. Gwen presses until Tosh explains that Owen and 
Diane had “a thing” before she decided to fly off and hope a 
rift in time would dump her somewhere more interesting. Tosh 
says Gwen knew about it, didn’t she? “Oh, yeah, of course I 
knew that,” Gwen lies.
   Chrissy: And right back to being a jerk...

Jack goes down to the holding cells where Ianto is standing in 
front of one of the cells where a Weevil is moaning. Ianto says 
it’s been doing that for ten minutes. Jack listens for a minute 
and says it sounds like it’s weeping. He explains that Owen has 
been studying it and thinks they have some sort of telepathic 
abilities that allow them to share emotions. Ianto frowns and 
asks if that means it can feel another Weevil’s pain. Jack 
hopes not because that means somebody is kidnapping AND 
torturing them. And while they attack people right and left 
without a second thought, they are basically no different than 
wild bears, making the humans the bigger monsters here. As 
usual.

Upstairs, Tosh has tracked the path the van took after they 
lost it. The CCTV footage shows it pulling up in front of a 
warehouse and the masked guys crawling out before the screen 
goes fuzzy. So Jack and Tosh go out to the warehouse alone, 
which is now abandoned. Well, except for the dead guy on the 
floor covered in Weevil bites. The guy’s phone rings when they 
go to pick him up and Jack answers it. “I don’t know who you 
are, but stay off what doesn’t concern you,” a deep voice 
snarls. Jack’s like ‘uh-huh. Just so you know, we’re going to 
hunt you down like rabid dogs. Buh-bye.’ The guy hangs up and 
Jack calls back to base and tells Ianto to trace all the calls 
to and from the phone in the last twenty-four hours.

Owen is...somewhere when his phone rings. “This is Owen’s 
voicemail,” he answers snottily. “Don’t leave a message.” 
Jack’s voice says nice try, but they have a Weevil emergency so 
he needs to “get your bony little ass” back to the Hub. 

Back at the Hub, Owen concludes that the guy was definitely 
killed by a Weevil, but he was beaten up before his throat was 
chewed off, which is weird because Weevils don’t usually play 
with their victims first. Tosh asks if he was tortured. Owen 
says that’s possible but the wounds were definitely caused by a 
human. “Why smack somebody around and then set the Weevil on 
them? Why not get the Weevil to do all the work for you?” I’m 
going to go out on a limb here and say they are either sadistic 
or thought quick death by Weevil was too good for him? Jack 
theorizes that these guys are using Weevils to commit perfect 
murders because there are no fingerprints or recognizable DNA 
left at the scene. Um...that would make more sense if they were 
just siccing the Weevils on the victims, but we just 
established that that’s NOT what they’re doing, so...you lost 
me. Gwen, who has been going through the guy’s wallet and has 
determined that he has a wife and daughter, asks who is going 
to tell his family he’s dead. They all look at her expectantly.

Cut to Gwen getting in the truck with Owen after telling the 
guy’s family he died, grumbling about how this was always the 
WORST part of being a cop. Well, that and getting shot at, I 
would assume. Oh, right. I almost forgot this is England we’re 
talking about, not America. Carry on. Owen just stares off into 
space. “Thanks for your kind words of support,” she adds 
sarcastically. “You can always count on Owen to make you feel 
better.” 
   Chrissy: And you can always count on Gwen to be the last 
   person to figure out the bleeding obvious.
She says Tosh told her about him and Diane and Owen basically 
snaps that he doesn’t want to discuss it. “Why are we still 
doing this, me and you?” You know what? That’s a really good 
question. I love Gwen, but this whole affair plot line makes 
her look like a bitch and I’m not really sure why it was 
necessary to go down this road in the first place. If it was 
more than sex or if Rhys acted the way he does in this episode 
more often I might understand, but it’s not and he hasn’t, 
so...what is the point? He says fine then, they won’t and gets 
out of the truck. She screams after him that he can be a “real 
wanker” sometimes, did he know that? He screams back that he 
DID, actually as she pulls away. Well, at least he can admit 
it. That’s the first step.

And back at the Torchwood hub, Owen arrives to find everyone 
already there including Gwen who won’t look at him. Jack asks 
where the hell he was. He snots that he was out for a walk. 
Jack says yeah, well, Tosh had a revelation while he was gone. 
Apparently it is that the kidnappers must have known the 
warehouse was abandoned because they went directly there from 
the parking garage, which means they either own the warehouse 
or they know the people who do. So Jack wants Owen to go 
undercover to follow up on that lead because if these guys are 
looking at the same CCTV footage they already know what Jack, 
Gwen and Tosh look like. Owen sighs and says “yeah, all right. 
I could do with being someone else right now.” 

So he shows up at some real estate place dressed in a suit and 
carrying a briefcase. A guy named Mark Lynch introduces himself 
and exposits that Owen is looking to relocate his business to 
Cardiff. Said business involving export of jellied eels. 
Because that’s exactly the kind of thing disgusting enough to 
have a booming market in sales to China. Mark asks if he’ll 
need to relocate his family too. Nope. Fictional Owen is just 
as single and bitter as real Owen. While Mark goes to print out 
some info on a couple warehouses by the docks, Owen slaps a 
giant blinking tracker on the back of a laptop and Tosh, back 
at the hub, announces that she’s in. Owen then has to hold the 
bug in place for a couple minutes while Tosh plants whatever 
tracking software she can use to access the agency’s files. 
Everyone in the office looks everywhere but at Owen, which is 
convenient because this whole plan is not in the least bit 
stealthy. Like, really, what was the contingency plan if 
somebody noticed Owen was holding a giant flashing thing up to 
a computer? Of course, this is the land of James Bond, so I 
suppose even if they did catch him they would just shove him in 
an overly elaborate death machine that doesn’t work properly 
while cackling like lunatics. 

Tosh gives him the all clear seconds before Mark comes back 
with the printouts. Owen glances at them, says they all look 
like “shitholes” and asks if that place in “the Q section” is 
available. Mark says that one’s already taken. Tosh’s voice 
announces via Owen’s earpiece that he’s lying. Mark makes a 
feeble offer to show him something else and, when that doesn’t 
work, offers to buy him a drink later because...um...he’s all 
alone in a new city and that can be scary. Owen shakes his hand 
with an ‘I’ll call you’ and saunters off. 

What looks like immediately after Owen leaves, Mark does a 
little research on him, clicking on all the fake profiles and 
websites Tosh created that make it sound like Owen’s jellied 
eel business is booming. He calls the “sales director” number 
on the website and Tosh answers with a chipper “Harper Sales, 
Jenny Long speaking!” He says he has the wrong number and hangs 
up quickly. “Job done,” Tosh announces proudly. Good thing the 
guy didn’t dig any further than the one website you wanted him 
to see. Ianto comes up with more reports of Weevil injuries at 
the local hospital. Jack tells Ianto to come with him to the 
hospital. Gwen gets up to follow him and Jack orders her to go 
home because she needs to work out whatever is going on there.

I’m starting to realize why this episode never stood out in my 
memory. It’s boring.
   Chrissy: Well, then recap faster.
   Diandra: Yes, ma’am.

So Gwen goes home and finds Rhys futzing around in the kitchen, 
getting ready to go to a stag party for a friend who isn’t even 
getting married – he just thinks he’s missing out on something 
by not having a bachelor party. So why doesn’t he call it what 
it is: a bunch of guys getting together and drinking themselves 
into oblivion? 
   Chrissy: With strippers.
   Diandra: Yeah. Still not seeing the difference.
Gwen asks what time he’ll be back. Rhys, who I’m sure is 
enjoying the hell out of this moment of irony, says he has no 
idea. And he leaves Gwen on her first night away from work all 
by herself in the apartment. To go get plastered and have some 
poor woman with low self esteem wave her breasts in his face.

Hospital. Jack parks himself next to the newest Weevil-injured 
patient and looks over his file. The guy says he already talked 
to the police. You really think a guy in a fancy suit and a guy 
in a WWII overcoat are cops, dude? Jack ignores him and says 
according to the chart the guy’s heart was nearly torn right 
out of his ribcage and it took ten hours of surgery to repair 
the damage. So...how is he conscious? Shouldn’t he be loaded 
with so many drugs that Jack looks like a giant talking rabbit 
to him? Jack asks if this description sounds familiar: “six 
feet high, teeth like a shark, rippled skin and the rage of a 
wild animal”. The guy is like ‘yeah, sounds like my ex’, only 
it comes out as “I was mugged.” He says there were three guys 
with knives. Ianto asks why the paramedics described the wounds 
as “bite marks” then. “They’re overworked,” the guy says 
lamely. Yeah. Because paramedics could totally mistake bite 
wounds for knife wounds on an off day. Jack tries to play tough 
guy again and makes veiled threats to torture the truth out of 
him, but says it would be easier if the guy just keeps in mind 
that this creature will just keep attacking and somebody is 
going to get killed and he doesn’t want that on his conscience, 
does he? “I can’t. They’ll kill me.”

Hub, holding cells. Apparently having just arrived and caught 
Tosh up on what happened, Ianto concludes that they couldn’t 
get any more information after that. Jack has one last-ditch 
plan. “Come on, Janet,” he says to the crying Weevil as he 
unlocks the cell. “You call it Janet,” Tosh asks. “Barbara just 
never seemed right.” Oh, sure. When you put it that way it 
makes perfect sense. WHAT?!

SUV. Janet growls from the back of the truck, which is caged 
off probably for this exact purpose. “You want to release a 
Weevil in the middle of Cardiff,” Tosh squawks. You know, one 
of the problems with script writing is that the dialogue never 
quite flows naturally because you have to match it to whatever 
action is going on onscreen. Which is why Tosh has waited until 
now, when they are in the middle of executing whatever 
harebrained plan Jack has, to question the sanity of it. It’s 
also why Jack responds by explaining that they put a tracker on 
Janet so they can track what happens to her after she’s 
captured. Oh, really? See, I was going to ask why you were 
doing that earlier, but I thought it would be best to wait 
until this exact moment to try to get all the details of the 
plan. Where are we going again? Is there a Weevil in the back 
of this SUV? Tosh (and Ianto) protests that Janet could kill 
any number of people before they capture her. But Jack says 
they don’t have to worry about that because they’re dumping her 
in the same parking garage which is deserted this late at 
night. 

They stop, Jack springs the back doors and Janet runs off. They 
follow her/it in the SUV until she/it goes off down a 
pedestrian side street. Jack hands the wheel to Ianto and he 
and Tosh take off running.

We interrupt this action to check in on Owen, who is at a bar 
with Mark, apparently taking him up on that offer of a drink. 
Except he doesn’t even take a sip before three guys come in and 
hover over the table, glowering menacingly at Owen. I think one 
of them is the boyfriend he beat up earlier, but since it’s 
Owen I suppose there’s any number of guys in Wales who would 
want to kick his teeth in. 
   Chrissy: And probably a few women.
   Diandra: Oh, I’m sure they would be more creative in 
    their vengeance.
Owen gets up and the guy gets one punch in before Mark jumps 
into the fray and, between the two of them, they knock the guys 
down fairly easily. At least two of them. It’s entirely 
possible that one of the guys just ran off in the middle of the 
fight and no one noticed. 

Jack and Tosh catch up to Janet just as the van appears and 
she/it is hauled in. “Just so I know where we stand,” Tosh 
growls as the van sails away. “We would never deliberately put 
a human being through that. But Weevils are fair game. Is that 
right?” Er, yes? No? I’m not really sure what sort of ethical 
protocol we’re dealing with here. Jack just says they need to 
follow these guys and jumps in the SUV as Ianto catches up to 
them.

Mark takes Owen back to his place, which...yeah, how far are we 
willing to go here to get information from this guy? 
   Chrissy: Please don’t put those images in my head.
   Diandra: Sorry.
Owen is admiring the swanky interior with a punching back 
hanging right in the middle of the living room when he notices 
that Mark has taken his shirt off. Then before we can brace 
ourselves for him to make a move on Owen because he’s gotten 
his signals mixed up and thinks they really were flirting 
before, he puts on a different shirt. It’s a weird little 
moment because there is absolutely no reason for him to be 
doing this in front of Owen right this minute other than to 
give Owen a brief glimpse of the three long claw marks running 
down his back. It is such an awkward, forced reveal that I 
practically expect a neon glowing arrow to drop from the 
ceiling and point at the scratches just to really hammer home 
how significant they are. 

Anyway. 

Mark asks what Owen uses as an outlet for his obvious anger 
issues. Owen’s like ‘what anger issues. I’M FINE, DAMNIT.’ Mark 
says he’s not judging him because this is just “what the world 
does to us. You work yourself stupid, get a house, a car, a 
plasma screen. You end up with a workforce. People there 
specifically to look after your every whim. You’re officially 
successful. But what does it bring?” So you resort to beating 
people up to vent about how unfulfilling your life is? 
   Chrissy: Have you ever seen Fight Club?
   Diandra: Did you really just ask me if I’ve seen a Brad 
    Pitt movie?
   Chrissy: Just checking.
Mark says success has “no worth other than itself.” Have you 
thought of dating? No, wait. Bad idea. You’d probably be an 
abusive jerk. “Ask yourself what’s the point of your life.” I’m 
pretty sure most people ask themselves that very question about 
you, Mark. “Something’s coming. Out there, in the darkness.” 
Yes, we established this with Ilsa. And then promptly forgot 
about it for a while before pointing it out again last episode.

Back at Gwen’s place, she’s pouring two glasses of scotch or 
whisky or whatever the hell that is as Rhys returns. She asks 
in a flat voice if he’s drunk. Why did you pour him a glass of 
liquor when you know he’s just coming home from a...oh, screw 
it. He says nah, he could only get a couple pints down so he 
just left. She sits on the couch with the glasses and waits for 
him to take the hint and join her. She drinks one of the 
glasses and watches him drink his out of the corner of her eye. 
So again...totally hamfisted setup. At least this one made 
slightly more sense. “I need to tell you something,” she 
begins. Yeah, no conversation that has begun with those words 
has ever gone well. She proceeds to tell him all about her 
affair with Owen in the bluntest, most emotionless way 
possible. She assures him that Owen is a “tosser” and the 
affair is totally ending as soon as possible but she just 
wanted him to know how sorry she is about the whole thing. Wow. 
Rhys splutters a bit and asks why she’s telling him this. She 
says she’s ashamed and upset and she just needs him to forgive 
her. “And because I’ve drugged you.” He splutters. Yeah, should 
have questioned why she was giving the man coming home from the 
bar a drink, pal. She says it’s okay because it’s just an 
amnesia pill. And we all remember how not pissed off she was in 
the first episode when Jack slipped one of those in her drink. 
Rhys calls her a selfish bitch. She says she knows, but hey, 
this gives them a chance to air all their dirty laundry. Or 
words to that effect. Rhys starts dropping off immediately 
while she shakes him and shrieks variations on “say you forgive 
me” in his face. He just starts snoring and she sits on the 
couch staring at him. Well, that was worth it.

Mark’s place. Owen has wandered off on his way to the bathroom 
and started peaking in random rooms. He finds one with a 
padlock on the door and pulls out a handy lock pick which...has 
he always carried that on him or did he know he might need that 
for this particular occasion?
   Chrissy: Says the person I remember used to carry a pair 
    of pliers in her purse. And possibly a screwdriver.
   Diandra: I did? Why was I doing that?
   Chrissy: I don’t pretend to understand anything you do, 
    sweetie.

Inside, Owen finds some sort of weight room/torture chamber. He 
turns on the lights and the Weevil chained to the ceiling 
snarls at him. “Told you there was more to see,” Mark says from 
the doorway. “Oh, I assumed you were referring to the bedroom,” 
Owen doesn’t say.
   Chrissy: Stop it.
Owen starts babbling an apology but Mark is obviously clueless 
as he just asks what Owen thinks of it. He warns Owen not to 
get too close because it’s a vicious bastard. Owen asks where 
he got it. Mark says he found it in the street. So...I’m going 
to guess this is Janet, even though they all look the same. 
   Chrissy: That’s racist.
   Diandra: I would think it was speciesist, actually.
Mark has no idea what it is. He says his buddies have theories 
about that - maybe it’s a science experiment gone wrong or the 
result of a nuclear accident or something. One of them thinks 
it’s an alien, but clearly that’s just crazy talk. Owen laughs 
nervously. Mark has a different theory though. He thinks 
they’re the future of the human race. “This is what we become 
when all we have left is our rage.” I would point out how close 
that is except for pretty much every detail except I was 
planning on recapping those episodes of “Doctor Who” and I 
don’t want to get too far ahead of myself.
   Chrissy: Wait, I don’t remember signing up for that.
   Diandra: You don’t have to join me on those if you don’t 
    want to.
   Chrissy: And miss the inevitable ho-yay? Are you 
    kidding?
   Diandra: What makes you think there will be...you know 
    what? I’m not going to finish that sentence because I 
    just heard it in my head and realized how ridiculous it 
    sounded.
 
Mark coaxes Owen to punch the Weevil.
   Chrissy: You know, if you didn’t know the context that 
    line would sound both hilarious and potentially 
    disturbing.
   Diandra: Weren’t you the one yelling at me for making 
    comments like that earlier?
   Chrissy: Yeah, but I figure there’s very little chance 
    of me making it out of this recap unscathed no matter 
    what I do, so I might as well make the most of it.

Owen asks why. Mark says because that’s what it’s there for, 
but since Owen is obviously a sissy Mary... Mark punches the 
Weevil in the gut. Then he does it about a dozen more times 
until Owen can’t take it anymore and yells “that’s enough!” 
Mark sneers at him. Owen points out that it’s not putting up a 
fight. Yes, well, I get the impression Mark isn’t the sporting 
kind of guy. He’s more of the “let’s shoot wolves from 
helicopters because there’s no way we’d have an unfair 
advantage there” kind of twit.
   Chrissy: Subtle.
   Diandra: I have no lipstick what you’re talking about. 
    Maverick.
Well, that’s not really a fair comparison because the next 
thing Mark says proves that he’s not as dumb as he seems. He 
asks who Owen is because clearly he has some connection to the 
pretty guy and the “cute Asian girl” in the black SUV. He says 
the website was a nice touch but jellied eels? Really? Who came 
up with that one? Owen tries to feign ignorance, but eventually 
gives up and says it wasn’t THAT bad a cover. Mark says no, but 
Owen royally fucked up his plans so now he’s going to have to 
kill him. Oh, wait. Scratch that last part.
   Chrissy: DAMNIT, DON’T TEASE ME!

What Mark wants to know is why they took the body they found 
instead of calling the cops. Owen says because the cops are 
“parochial pigshits” whose “minds would implode” if they saw a 
Weevil. Tell us what you really think, Owen. Mark asks who he 
is really. Owen flashes his gun at him. Mark sneers that he’s 
not just a “little boy” hiding behind a weapon and it’s not 
going to help him get information. Owen, being easily offended 
by comments on the size of his gun, tosses it aside and asks 
why Mark murdered that guy. Mark says he didn’t. Owen sighs 
that that’s a technicality if he let that Weevil loose on the 
guy. He floats the “perfect murder” theory again. It doesn’t 
make much more sense than it did the first time. “God, you 
haven’t got a clue, have you,” Mark asks. Clearly, no.

Gwen arrives at the hub with pizzas, except everyone else is 
tracking Janet’s signal to some back alley somewhere. They find 
the tracker with a piece of jacket it was attached to caught in 
a fence. So, note for next time guys: get the Weevil to swallow 
the tracker. Meanwhile, Gwen sits on the couch and tries to eat 
a slice of pizza, getting all of one bite in before bursting 
into tears. She struggles to pull it together as a phone dings. 
Except it’s not her phone: it’s coming from the personal 
effects next to the body that is still laying out in the 
morgue. Um...shouldn’t that be in one of the cooler 
compartments before it decomposes any further? Hello? She 
fishes the phone out and finds a text message that says “CF10 
6BY”. She types the message into one of the computers, then 
goes fishing for her headset to tell Jack what she’s found. He 
asks her what the hell she’s doing back because he told her to 
go home, like, three times now. She ignores him and relays the 
message which seems to be a location of a building. And there’s 
a sign out front with the name of Mark’s real estate company. 

Meanwhile, Mark has taken Owen to an alley where they join a 
group of guys sneaking in the back entrance of what I’m going 
to assume is the building the text is referring to, but it’s 
hard to tell. It looks like some of the guys haven’t gotten ten 
feet into the building before engaging in some sort of brawl. 
Or, as Mark calls it, “warm up”. Mark continues to ramble on 
about finding meaning in a world that doesn’t have any and 
there are no certainties and blah blah blah. They arrive at the 
main part of the building where a large cage has been set up. 
Inside it, a Weevil and a very stupid man are performing some 
variation on a bull fight. The guy darts around for a while and 
the Weevil takes a few swipes at him. He tags out and is pulled 
to safety before he can sustain any actual injuries because he 
is just stupid enough to think this makes him more “macho” 
somehow, but chicken enough to be afraid he might actually get 
hurt. Mark explains that it costs 1,000 pounds to “fight” and 
whoever can stay in the cage the longest gets to take home all 
the money. Owen is baffled that these men are actually paying 
to put their lives in danger. “Too much disposable income, not 
enough meaning,” Mark says, which explains everything actually. 

Owen, a little slow on the uptake, asks about the guy Torchwood 
found again. Mark says he wouldn’t come out of the cage. He 
just stood there and let the Weevil maul him. He figures the 
guy basically committed suicide. Which is basically like 
selling somebody five shotguns and enough ammo to equip an 
entire army unit and pretending you didn’t see the shooting 
rampage they proceed to go on coming. Owen notes that they keep 
coming back even after seeing that. Mark asks “what else is 
there?” Um, literally everything, moron. 

Owen sneers that this has to stop before more people die, then 
marches off to...some half demolished room that appears to have 
last been used in the early 1900s so they can stop and talk 
some more. Um...what are you hoping to accomplish here exactly? 
Mark asks as much, then pulls a gun on him and tells him to 
“get in the cage”. Owen says only if Mark puts the gun down. 
Mark cocks the gun. Owen walks right up until the gun is inches 
from his face and smirks at him. Mark – realizing that he may 
have overestimated the size of his own gun – lowers it. This 
whole scene was so totally stilted and weird. 
   Chrissy: As opposed to the rest of the episode?
   Diandra: Yeah, it’s mostly filler.

“What’s the longest anyone’s been in there,” Owen asks as he 
marches back out toward the cage, yanking his suit coat off. 
Mark, trailing behind him, says that would have been the guy 
that died. He tells Owen to look into the Weevil’s eyes when he 
gets close to it. “It’s like looking into the darkest recesses 
of your own soul.” Well, I guess that explains the way you are, 
Mark. Owen’s like ‘yeah, fuck you’, and climbs into the cage. 
Mark locks the door behind him and Owen takes a minute to look 
at all the cheering idiots watching. The Weevil snarls a 
little, but makes absolutely no move toward him. He stands 
still, closes his eyes and whispers “come on, then”.

...and that’s when the rest of the team run through the door 
and Jack fires his gun into the air. In the ensuing chaos, the 
Weevil knocks Owen to the ground and starts chewing on his 
neck. Gwen runs to the door and shrieks at anyone in the 
vicinity to open it. Jack shoots the Weevil in the arm or 
something and it stumbles away while the...I’m going to say 
he’s the designated Weevil handler of the group lets Gwen in 
and goes after the Weevil with a cattle prod. Jack yells at him 
to knock it off because his chaotic ethical code regarding 
Weevils is back in the “we don’t treat them as animals” phase. 
He and Gwen drag Owen out of the cage and drop him in front of 
a dumbstruck Mark. “He had no fear,” Mark mutters. Jack turns 
to the idiot crowd and announces that their little fight club 
has been disbanded and they are to leave the funny alien 
animals alone from now on. Only the actual words he says are 
much stupider because the dialogue in this episode is more 
awkward than usual. While he has his back turned, Mark has 
decided to step into the cage himself. Jack asks what the fuck 
he thinks he’s doing. “It’s over,” Mark says and everybody just 
watches as the Weevil lunges for him. The camera focuses on 
Jack walking away as Mark shrieks. 

Hospital. A bruised and bandaged Owen is sitting up in bed when 
Jack arrives, tossing a bag of grapes on the tray table. Owen 
grumbles that he hates grapes. Jack just smiles and says the 
doctors are saying he can go home. “I didn’t want saving,” Owen 
says. Because apparently he had totally made peace with his 
impending death before Jack so rudely disrupted him. “Do you 
always know best, Jack? Is that what you believe?” Jack just 
clenches his jaw, orders him back to work by tomorrow and 
marches from the room.
   Chrissy: Not that I’m complaining, but where is this death 
wish coming from? Was he really so in love with Diane that he 
would rather offer himself as a chew toy to a Weevil than live 
without her?
   Diandra: Apparently. Because that’s somehow romantic, I 
    guess.
   Chrissy: Well, it kind of is in a classical sense. 
   Diandra: No, sorry. Risking your life to save someone is 
    a noble gesture. Risking your life because you can’t 
    cope with the fact that that person is already gone and 
    there’s nothing you could have done to save them makes 
    you an idiot who can’t cope with life.

Hub. Owen goes down to the cells and looks at the two Weevils 
they are keeping. I guess they got Janet back. They snarl and 
hiss at him until he bares his teeth and does a fair 
approximation of their snarl right back at them. This 
apparently being the equivalent of an Alpha wolf asserting its 
dominance over the pack, they both scramble to the back of 
their cages and whimper. Did no one think to try this before?

   Chrissy: You brought me back for that?
   Diandra: Like I said, I pretty much forgot about that 
    episode. I do remember the next one, though, and I 
    wanted to make sure you were there for it.
   Chrissy: Is it a Jack episode?
   Diandra: Yes.
   Chrissy: I’m in.