"Doctor Who, episode 4x12: Stolen Earth"

Starring: David Tennant, Catherine Tate, Billie Piper, Freema 
Agyeman(FUCK!), John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Gareth David-Lloyd, 
Elizabeth Sladen, Bernard Cribbins and Penelope Wilton (aka, 
the best Downton Abbey character not played by Maggie Smith)


Previously on Torchwood: Tosh and Owen died and it was awful.

Since the last crossover I recapped of Doctor Who: Donna Noble, 
the best damn companion ever, joined the Doctor (a year after 
helping him defeat the demon child of a human and Shelob in one 
of the more deranged Christmas specials). They traveled to 
Pompeii to meet a man whose face the Doctor would borrow for a 
later regeneration. After he spent basically all of season 
three on Torchwood. We will explore the insanity of this in 
greater detail in the future, I’m sure. Also during the course 
of the season, the Doctor inadvertently cloned a daughter (sort 
of) who was never heard from again for some reason (even though 
the actress married David Tennant) and met another awesome 
female of the series: River Song. Also, there was that whole 
thing about giant bees and Agatha Christie, but I’m pretty sure 
I mentioned it before. 

In the episode just before this one, Donna slipped into an 
alternate timeline and found out that basically everything that 
had happened for the past two seasons could have gone hideously 
wrong if she had failed to save the doctor in the whole Shelob 
incident. Rose reappeared from the parallel universe she got 
stuck in back in season two to help her get everything back to 
“normal”...or back to her own timeline...something. The last 
scene ended with Donna telling the Doctor that the “woman” she 
met told her that all the stars were going out and she should 
give him a message: Bad Wolf (the TARDIS energy version of Rose 
that made Jack immortal). Supposedly this has been showing up 
in recent episodes of Torchwood too, but I haven’t noticed. 
It’s her way of reaching across time and space to people. The 
Doctor responded to this by running around frantically to 
verify that the words “Bad Wolf” had suddenly appeared freaking 
everywhere and ominously explaining to Donna that this means 
“the end of the universe.”
   Chrissy: You’ve barely started and I already have a 
    headache.
   Diandra: Oh, it will get worse before we’re done here. 
   Chrissy: Oh, goodie.
   Diandra: I thought you were bringing alcohol.
   Chrissy: I’m afraid this one six pack won’t be enough.

We open right where that last scene I just described left off, 
with the Doctor running out of the TARDIS all wide eyed and 
frantic. Donna comes out behind him and they both stand on a 
curb somewhere looking around in confusion as he notes that 
everything is “fine”. He calls to a man in some sort of 
delivery truck, asking what day it is. The guy says Saturday. 
Yeah, I think he might need more specifics than that. 
Particularly a year. Except he just says “good, I like 
Saturdays”. Donna says so she really just met Rose Tyler then? 
Because didn’t he say she was trapped in a parallel universe? 
The Doctor says yes, she is, and her ability to cross from her 
parallel world into Donna’s alternate timeline in the previous 
episode indicates that “the walls of the universe are breaking 
down”. He runs back into the TARDIS just before the ground 
starts shaking and tiles slide from a nearby roof to shatter on 
the pavement. 

Inside, we focus on the floating hand that has been at the base 
of the center console all season since the Doctor inherited it 
from Jack in the last crossover. The Doctor flips switches and 
turns dials, frowning at the display screen. Donna sidles up to 
him and says even if horrible shit is about to go down – which 
it undoubtedly is – the fact that Rose is coming back is some 
sort of silver lining. Right? The Doctor smiles and agrees that 
yes, Rose coming back is a good thing. And then something rocks 
the TARDIS and they’re both knocked to the floor. The Doctor 
runs over and throws open the front doors to find that they are 
now floating in space, surrounded by asteroids. Donna asks how 
the hell THAT happened and what did he DO? The Doctor runs back 
to his monitor screen and says according to it, they haven’t 
moved at all. The Earth has somehow disappeared out from under 
them.
   Chrissy: So why is the asteroid belt suddenly floating 
    that close to where Earth is supposed to be?
   Diandra: Shh...no thinking. And hand me one of those 
    beers.

Meanwhile, at a location the chyron identifies only as “far 
across the universe”, Martha wakes up on the floor somewhere, 
surrounded by sparking machinery and destruction.
   Chrissy: Remember how happy you were to finally be rid 
    of Martha?
   Diandra: Shut up.
A man with an American accent is barking at someone to confirm 
all stations are online and has anybody contacted UNIT base 
yet? The chyron says this is New York. Martha asks what the 
hell just happened. Was that some sort of earthquake. Yes, 
because those happen often in New York. She asks if anyone is 
hurt and orders somebody to see about getting the lights back 
on. Ugh. Who died and put her in charge?
   Chrissy: Americans can’t help but defer to people with 
    British accents. We think they’re smarter and better 
    than us.
   Diandra: Well, that’s usually true, but...
A woman named Suzanne wanders over to a window and pulls the 
shades, gaping at the sky and yelping for Martha to come look 
at this. 

Before she can do that, we switch to the Torchwood hub, where 
Jack is crawling out from under some debris in his office. He 
asks nobody what the hell just happened and whether the rift 
had anything to do with it. He goes out into the main part of 
the hub, calling for Gwen and Ianto. They are both on the 
floor, looking dazed. Ianto, rubbing his head, says they only 
suffered a loss of dignity so, you know...nothing new there. 
Gwen mutters that all of South Wales had to have felt THAT. 
Jack runs out the cog door to check it out. Ianto goes to one 
of the computers and taps a couple keys before concluding that 
this is “slightly bigger” than South Wales.

And we’re in Ealing, London with the other spinoff of “Doctor 
Who” which I have not seen because it is definitely a 
children’s show. Sarah Jane, a companion from the original 
series who resurfaced in season 2 of this series (I think) in 
anticipation of this, is on the floor, surrounded by books that 
have flown from their shelves. She calls to Luke, her son, to 
verify that he’s okay. The teenager gets up from the corner he 
was thrown into and says that that felt like “some sort of 
cross-dimensional spacial transference.” 
   Chrissy: Yeah. Just like that.
   Diandra: I just looked up a description of the show to 
    see if he’s some sort of genius and it looks like it’s 
    quite possible since he was genetically engineered. 
    Also adopted.
   Chrissy: As long as he’s not a clone of Hitler.
   Diandra: Wrong show.

Sarah Jane looks out the window at the black sky and wonders 
how it could possibly be nighttime when it was 8 in the morning 
a couple minutes ago. “Mr. Smith, I need you,” she calls. Part 
of a wall slides away to dramatic music, revealing a 
complicated looking terminal. She mutters that she wishes he 
would stop with that ridiculous fanfare and just tell her 
what’s going on. Jarvis...er...whatever artificial intelligence 
tells her to look outside. 
   Chrissy: Really? She needed a fancy ass computer system 
   to tell her to open that window and stick her head out?

In Chiswick, Donna’s grandfather Wilfred (aka the other great 
character of the season) goes out to the street wielding a 
baseball bat. “It’s them aliens. I’ll bet my pension,” he tells 
Donna’s mom, Sylvia, who is trailing behind him and looking 
wary. Then he decides she should get back inside because “they 
always want the women”.
   Chrissy: I thought they always wanted crazy Americans.
   Diandra: I think by “crazy” you meant “backwater drunken 
    hicks”.
Sylvia interrupts his little rave to point out the sky and they 
gape at it.

Elsewhere in London, Sarah Jane and Luke stand outside their 
house, also gaping at the sky. Sarah Jane says it’s 
“impossible”, a sentiment which is echoed by Jack in Cardiff 
and Martha in New York. 

We go back to the man who told the Doctor what day it is 
earlier, who is also staring at the sky when Rose suddenly 
appears in the middle of the street, an enormous, futuristic 
looking gun in her hands. She looks up and mutters “Right. Now 
we’re in trouble. And it’s only just beginning.”

And we finally pan up to see what everybody is staring at. The 
sky is full of a random collection of planets that are all WAY 
TOO CLOSE. Like I’m not sure what should have killed everyone 
on Earth first: the absence of the sun and moon or one of those 
monstrosities colliding into the planet.
   Chrissy: [cracks open a beer] I can see we’re falling 
   behind already.

After the opening credits, which feature more names than any 
credit sequence has on this show so far, we’re back in the 
TARDIS. Donna, the smart one, points out that if the Earth has 
moved that means it has lost the sun and what does that mean 
for all the people? Are her mom and granddad dead? She’s on the 
verge of tears and the Doctor quietly apologizes that he 
doesn’t know. He’s not seeing ANY trace of anything on his 
monitor, which he declares “fearsome technology”. She asks what 
they should do now. He says they need help. Donna’s like oh, 
sure, by all means, let’s get right on that. Just one question: 
WHO and WHERE are we supposed to be getting this help from? He 
looks at her and, with a straight face, says he’s taking her to 
the Shadow Proclamation. 
   Chrissy: We just need to build up a shit load of points 
    first because it’s going to be a doozy of a boss 
    battle. 
   Diandra: Um...I assume that’s some sort of video game 
    thing?
   Chrissy: Sigh. I forgot. You’re a “selective” nerd.

An American newscaster is talking about the United Nations and 
remaining calm while a scroll at the bottom of the screen 
admits that the sudden appearance of 26 planets in the sky was 
initially dismissed as a “visual anomaly”. Because humans are 
the dumbest fucking creatures on the planet. The station flips 
to Richard Dawkins in an interview for a show called 
“Universally Speaking” as he says that the planets didn’t come 
to Earth, EARTH came to THEM. Earth has clearly changed zip 
codes. And then the channel switches to some comedian asking 
what the hell he was drinking last night. “Furniture polish”? 
Ianto is apparently watching this on a computer monitor and he 
laughs. Jack scolds him that this is NOT the time and place for 
that, then calls Gwen to come look at whatever he’s doing on 
his computer.
   Chrissy: Jack, we’ve already discussed this. Let’s not 
   revisit the sexual harassment in the workplace laws 
   again.
Gwen is on the phone with Rhys, telling him to stay inside and 
call her mother. “Just tell her to take her pills and go to 
sleep.”
   Chrissy: Sounds like excellent advice to me.
She says she’ll be home as soon as she can and ends the 
conversation with an “I love you”. 
   Chrissy: Oh, is this how we’re going to get around 
    actually having him in the episode?
   Diandra: Yep.

Jack says there’s an artificial atmospheric shell around the 
planet that is protecting them. And also generating enough 
light to see by? 
   Chrissy: Honey, if you don’t stop pointing out 
    scientific errors, this is going to be a LONG recap.
   Diandra: [grumbles] [drinks]
Ianto concludes that whoever is doing this wants the humans 
alive, which has to be a good thing. We see a computer 
simulation on the screen of all twenty-seven (including Earth) 
planets orbiting a blinking red thing. Gwen asks what the hell 
THAT is because it’s clearly not a planet.

Sarah Jane is looking at a similar simulation while Mr. Smith 
informs her that the reading concludes it is artificial. Sarah 
Jane calls it a “space station”. Luke, cell phone in hand, 
announces that “Maria and her dad” are fine in Cornwall. Oh, 
and Clyde is okay.
   Chrissy: Well, good for them. Who are they?
   Diandra: Did you hear me say I never watched this show?
   Chrissy: Oh, good. Now you know how I feel every time 
    “Doctor Who” characters are mentioned. I’m just going 
    to go ahead and assume that Maria is his girlfriend and 
    Clyde is their goldfish then.
   Diandra: Why a goldfish?
   Chrissy: Because it amuses me. Oh, and he’s been fitted 
    with a translation device a la “Up” so he can speak.
   Diandra: Let me guess: he sounds just like Klaus from 
    “American Dad”.
   Chrissy: Oh my god, it’s like you can read my mind!
Mr. Smith announces that he has detected movement and some 
objects that frankly just look like a stain appear hovering 
over one of the planets. Possibly Earth, but it’s hard to tell 
with the old greenscale monitor. Luke calls them spaceships.

In New York, some bigwig military guy with medals all over his 
coat appears to announce that there are 200 objects headed for 
Earth. 
   Chrissy: Are they? Or did Earth come to them?
   Diandra: Quit it.
Blah blah code red. He orders everybody to take “battle 
positions’.
   Chrissy: Can I assume sticking my head between my legs 
   and kissing my ass goodbye is not an acceptable position 
   then, sir?
He snarks at Martha, who is on her phone in a corner, and asks 
if she could maybe join them here. She says she’s trying to 
call the Doctor. She’s not getting a signal, which is crazy 
because this thing is supposed to work across time anywhere in 
the universe. She concludes that whoever is doing this is 
somehow blocking the signal. 

Rose calmly walks through a crowd of people running around on 
the street screaming and looting and generally losing their 
shit. One guy, staggering with a drink in one hand, tells her 
it’s the end of the world. She’s like yeah, go back to drinking 
sweetheart. She goes into a computer store where a couple guys 
are looting and orders them to put everything down. She cocks 
her comically oversized gun and they run for it. She sits at 
one of the computers, which is somehow showing the same image 
of red splotches approaching a monochrome Earth.
   Chrissy: Has anybody asked how the Internet is still 
    working?
   Diandra: The aliens thoughtfully transported all the 
    satellites and wrapped the atmosphere envelope around 
    them? I thought we weren’t addressing the scientific 
    nuttery on this show?
   Chrissy: Right. Sorry. I forgot. L’chaim! [drinks]
   Diandra: Gesundheit. [drinks]
   Chrissy: One of these days we need to have a long talk.

We go to Donna’s mom watching a news report (because fuck it, 
ALL ELECTRONICS WORK AND DON’T ASK HOW) announcing that the 
objects headed toward Earth are confirmed to be spaceships. 
Blah blah stay inside blee. Mum calls to Wilfred, who is trying 
to call Donna and not getting through. “Where are you, 
sweetheart,” he mutters worriedly.

Torchwood. Jack’s phone rings and he looks at the ID, 
surprised. “Martha Jones,” he greets. “Tell me you put 
something in my drink.” Martha’s like yeah...funny. Say, has 
the Doctor contacted you yet? Jack is like yeah, right, he 
NEVER calls me and THANKS FOR THE REMINDER. By the way, where 
is she? She says she was transferred to New York when she was 
promoted. Her new title is “Medical Director on Project 
Indigo”.
   Chrissy: Hope this one works better than Projects Red, 
   Orange, Yellow, Green and Blue because we’re running out 
   of colors.
Jack says oh, did they actually get that thing working then? 
Martha frowns and asks how the hell he could possibly know 
about it because the project is top secret. Jack says he met a 
soldier in a bar and...well...long story. Ianto gives him a 
look like “we WILL be talking about this later”. Jack brushes 
him off by explaining that it was “strictly professional”.
   Chrissy: He paid me after he put his pants back on.
   Diandra: Wait a minute...HE paid JACK? Isn’t that 
    backwards?
   Chrissy: Maybe. Whatever. Somebody paid somebody.

Mr. Smith announces that he is picking up a message from the 
incoming ships. Sarah Jane tells him to put it thorough. The 
computer screen shows a sound file beside the image of Earth 
being splattered by formless blobs, accompanied by a familiar 
robotic voice saying “EXTERMINATE” about twenty five times. 
Sarah Jane gets the shuddery look of someone with PTSD and Jack 
and Martha – also receiving the message somehow - nearly drop 
their phones. Jack starts chanting nonononono. Gwen asks who 
the hell that is and does Jack recognize them? Jack – no doubt 
resisting the impulse to shit himself at the sound of the 
creatures that murdered him the first time – just pulls Ianto 
and Gwen close to him and kisses their foreheads. Then he says 
there’s nothing he can do and they’re all going to die. Sarah 
Jane likewise sobs and hugs Luke. Rose’s face twitches and she 
leaves the computer store just as a spaceship pulls up over the 
street and starts firing. A shot lands behind her, creating a 
slow motion fireball that probably uses up a good chunk of the 
piddly special effects budget.

And we go to the Daleks, who I previously described as a cross 
between a pepper shaker and a bumper car. They’re sliding 
around giving battle orders and reporting statuses. “Crucible 
at 90% efficiency,” one squeaks. 
“The human harvest will commence,” another gloats. 
   Chrissy: Wait, so...why?
   Diandra: Remember when we saw that episode of Star Trek 
    about a robotic race programmed to destroy things that 
    were deemed “imperfect” and I kept yelling 
    “EXTERMINATE” and you threatened to punch me? 
   Chrissy: Oh. So basically they’re no different than 
    those Terminator things that got Ianto’s girlfriend.
   Diandra: Sort of. These are controlled by actual organic 
    beings inside the shakers. Demented, genocidal organic 
    beings with single minded determination to destroy 
    anything deemed a threat to the purity of the race.
   Chrissy: So Hitler clones.
   Diandra: Quit it.
   Chrissy: What? It’s either that or a reference to The 
    Donald.
   Diandra: I fail to see a difference.

In New York, the head general (er...whatever) announces that 
Geneva has declared “ultimate Code Red” which...is that even a 
thing? He growls that this means they are officially at war. 
Everything starts jolting again and amid the chaos Martha looks 
outside to see the New York skyline full of alien ships 
blasting away.
   Chrissy: Quick, somebody get President Bill Pullman on 
    the phone!
   Diandra: Yeah, um...about that...check the Torchwood 
    cast list for season four.
   Chrissy: Oh, honey, I did that a long time ago. In fact, 
    until I actually started watching this with you, I 
    assumed THAT was the reason you wanted to recap the 
    show.
   Diandra: You thought I wanted to recap forty-plus hours 
    just to get to the ten featuring a guy I had a crush on 
    in middle school?
   Chrissy: I honestly wouldn’t put it past you.

One of the Daleks announces that the Supreme Dalek is entering 
the bridge and they all circle around as a door opens and a 
large, cherry red pepper shaker with a deep voice declares that 
once the Crucible is complete, they will fulfill their long 
awaited destiny and become masters of the Earth. The camera 
spins around to show dozens of Daleks floating around inside 
the ship and they all chant “DALEKS ARE THE MASTERS OF EARTH”.

We take this opportunity to switch back to the TARDIS to remind 
the viewers of what show they are watching and that David 
Tennant and Catherine Tate are still on it. Everything is 
wobbling and the Doctor is climbing all over the center console 
as he usually does. Donna asks what this Shadow Proclamation is 
then. So either she waited an unusual amount of time to finally 
ask for clarification on that point (which wouldn’t be 
surprising considering the show), or we should assume that this 
has been happening at the same time as the rest of the scenes 
on Earth. The Doctor underwhelmingly says it’s just a fancy 
name for Space Police. He pushes a button and flops onto the 
console while Donna staggers to the floor. You know, when 
scenes like this come up in sci-fi I can’t help but imagine how 
stupid this looked during filming and admire the actors ability 
to fling themselves around like crazy drunkards without 
giggling at how insanely ridiculous it all is.
   Chrissy: Even the finished version on “Star Trek” still 
    manages to look ridiculous most of the time.
   Diandra: No, this part is fine. It’s the fight scenes 
    that look like slow motion dance routines wherein 
    people occasionally run head first into walls for no 
    apparent reason.

For location purposes, we see what looks like a grouping of 
asteroids molded into one structure with glowing cities perched 
on each of three main rocks. The TARDIS lands in a tiled 
hallway somewhere inside one of those buildings, presumably, 
and the Doctor exits to find a bunch of Judoons (a rinocerous-
looking race of aliens last seen relocating Martha’s hospital 
to the moon) aiming guns at him. The leader vomits a string of 
monosyllables all ending in “o”. The Doctor responds with a 
similar string of nonsense, followed by a second string at 
double speed. Y’all can’t see it, but Chrissy just let out 
something between a giggle and a groan and chugged about half a 
beer.
   Chrissy: I know you warned me this would be crazier than 
    the last one, but...
   Diandra: You want me to pause while you find more 
    alcohol?
   Chrissy: I’m not sure there’s enough alcohol in the tri-
    state area to get us through two episodes of this.
   Diandra: No, probably not. 

Apparently that was something like an exchange of passwords or 
security clearance codes because we go right to the Doctor 
talking to a skinny albino woman, who thinks Time Lords are as 
mythical as dragons, unicorns and good men who are not taken 
and/or gay. The Doctor says yeah, um...can we get back to the 
fact that Earth has gone missing now? She notes that Time Lords 
are supposed to be smarter than he’s letting on because he 
should be able to grasp that the entire UNIVERSE is in upheaval 
right now, not just one measly planet. Twenty-four planets have 
gone missing. The Doctor perks up and runs over to a computer 
screen so she can show him what she’s talking about. She pulls 
up the records of all the random planets that disappeared at 
the same time without a trace from all over the universe. He 
reads a few out loud: Callufrax Minor, Jahoo, Shallacatop, 
Woman Wept. 
   Chrissy: Not to mention Ballytrax Major, Yahoo, 
    Fallabottom and Jesus Wept.
   Diandra: Not your best work there.
   Chrissy: I’m getting drunk. Bite me.

The Doctor hesitates on “Clom” because who the hell would want 
that loser of a planet? Albino lady  - or “Shadow Architect”, 
apparently - disregards this to say that the planets are all 
different sizes and some are populated while others are not, so 
it they’re hoping to use victimology to identify the 
perpetrator they’re screwed.
   Chrissy: You really need to watch less “Criminal Minds”.
Donna pipes up to ask after Pyrovillia.
   Chrissy: It went up in flames.

Shadow Architect asks who this female is and Donna sasses that 
she is a human and this lady can kiss her ass. Or words to that 
effect. The Doctor visibly holds back a smile because everybody 
loves Donna. Donna reminds viewers that when they were in 
Pompeii, somebody mentioned that Pyrovillia had gone missing. 
The Judoon behind her says Pyrovillia is a cold case and 
therefore not relevant here. SA agrees that it can’t be part of 
this because it disappeared 2,000 years ago which is when 
Vesuvius erupted on Earth. Donna says yes, but “Miss Foster” 
said the Adipose breeding planet had gone missing too and that 
had to be quite a while ago. The Doctor runs with this and 
theorizes that the planets have been taken from various TIMES 
as well as places. He creates a floating 3D model of all the 
planets known to be missing now and adds Pyrovillia, Adipose 
III and the moon of Poosh, which is another thing that was 
mentioned sometime in the past season. He steps over into the 
middle of the projection and the planets all swirl and relocate 
to different parts of the simulation. SA asks what he did and 
he says nothing: they seem to have rearranged themselves into 
an “optimum pattern” or...balanced themselves. Donna fulfills 
her role as audience surrogate by forcing him to explain what 
this all means. He says the worlds all fit together. “Like a 
powerhouse”. But neither he nor SA can figure out why or who 
the hell would want to arrange them like that.
   Chrissy: An autistic child with a snowglobe.
   Diandra: Haha no.
The Doctor remembers something and says that somebody tried to 
move the Earth before a long time ago, but...no...it can’t be.

Daleks descend on the Valiant, which is apparently still in 
orbit. Jack catches a distress call from them ordering people 
to abandon ship. Ianto announces that the air force is 
retreating over South Africa and Daleks are landing in Japan. 
Gwen announces that they’ve lost contact with the Prime 
Minister. Then she just yelps “Manhattan!” and Jack dives for 
the phone to tell Martha to “get out of there” because they’re 
targeting military bases and hers will be next. She is 
distracted when the General orders her to come with him because 
“Project Indigo is being activated.” She follows him through 
some hallways but the whole time she’s yelping that they CAN’T 
use Project Indigo because it hasn’t been tested or, you know, 
shown any sign that it would actually work. The general opens a 
vault containing something that looks like a jet pack or a mock 
up of a prop that would eventually make its way to “The 
Avengers”. He tells her to put it on. Jack, who has apparently 
still been in Martha’s earpiece this whole time, yelps that she 
CAN’T use Project Indigo because it’s not safe. The general 
reminds her who she takes orders from. She is their only hope 
of finding the Doctor. Then he hands her a small box and says 
if it turns out no help is coming, she is authorized to have 
this: the Osterhagen Key. She knows what to do with it. She 
stares at him slackjawed and yips that she can’t do THAT. He 
presses it into her hand and says “for the sake of the human 
race.” He wishes her luck and pulls his gun to meet the 
approaching Daleks. Martha pulls the ripcords on the straps of 
the device and disappears while Jack pleads with her 
helplessly. When the line cuts out, he drops the phone and 
kicks the desk in frustration. Ianto finally asks what Project 
Indigo is. Jack says it’s experimental transportation they 
scavenged from the Sontarans. The problem is they don’t have 
coordinates, so right now she’s scattered into a billion atoms 
and there’s no telling where she’ll end up.
   Chrissy: DAMN IT, SCOTTY!
   Diandra: Something like that.

The Dalek General...er, whatever he is...orders his soldiers to 
bring the humans to him and prepare the Crucible. A voice from 
somewhere asks if he has any news. He announces that Earth has 
been subjugated. The voice says that’s not what he meant. Dalek 
General says no, nothing about a Time Lord. They are definitely 
“beyond his reach”. The voice warns him to beware of pride, 
which of course goeth before the fall. Dalek General insists 
the Doctor can’t stop them. The voice says Dalek Caan is uneasy 
anyway and flips a switch to illuminate a partially uncovered 
Dalek blob. Dalek General brushes this off because clearly 
Dalek Caan is insane. The voice says none of this would have 
been possible without him, though, so maybe Dalek General 
should show some respect. “He speaks only the truth.” The blob 
waggles its tentacles and says “he is coming. The three-fold 
man. He dances in the lonely places. Oh, creator of us all, the 
Doctor is coming!” He laughs crazily.
   Chrissy: Okay, that is a squid with one eye and a human 
    brain suspended over it.
   Diandra: I said the alien inside was organic. I didn’t 
    say it was anything remotely humanoid.
   Chrissy: Yeah, forget the tristate area. I don’t think 
    there’s enough alcohol in the entire Midwest to make 
    this look any less crazy.

Shadow Proclamation. The Doctor is fretting over the computer 
monitor still and Donna is slumped on the stairs off to one 
side. Another albino shadow woman brings her a bowl of water 
that she promises will “purify”. Then she gets a look on her 
face and declares Donna as “something new”. Donna sniffles that 
she’s just a temp and she’s no use to anyone here. “I’m so 
sorry for your loss,” the woman says. And she’s not talking 
about the loss of her planet: she means the loss that is to 
come. Because apparently the albinos of the Shadow Proclamation 
are psychic. She scampers away before Donna can ask any 
questions. The Doctor comes over to ask if Donna can remember 
anything that might have happened in her time on Earth because 
there must have been some sort of warning. You know: electrical 
storms, freak weather patterns, weird shit in the sky. She has 
no idea, but no, she doesn’t remember anything. You know, aside 
from the fact that bees keep disappearing (as was noted in the 
Agatha Christie episode), but we all know that’s because humans 
have been destroying their habitats and spraying them with 
chemicals. They’re not disappearing: they’re dying. Oh, except 
we might not have known that at the time this episode aired, so 
let’s confuse some children about a major environmental issue. 

The Doctor has a lightbulb moment and runs to the computer, 
typing frantically. He says maybe it’s not whatever theory we 
had about the cause of Colony Collapse Disorder five years ago, 
maybe the bees all just went back to their home planet: Melissa 
Majoria. Donna says wait a minute, so bees are aliens? The 
Doctor says pfffttt, not ALL of them. That would be ridiculous. 
“Tandoca,” he blurts. SA seems to understand this and adds “The 
Tandoca Scale!” The Doctor (sort of) explains to Donna that 
that is the wavelengths bees use as a “carrier signal”. 
Apparently he is now searching for evidence of it, which he 
likens to searching for a grain of cinnamon in the Sahara 
Desert, and somehow he finds it.
   Chrissy: So exactly like the sort of bullshit CSIs pull 
   every week.
He says whatever moved the planets used the same signal and 
they can trace it. Donna concludes that this means they can 
find Earth and starts running for the TARDIS, screaming for him 
to stop talking and DO IT ALREADY. He runs after her and yet 
somehow gets into the TARDIS a full five seconds before her and 
starts flipping switches to locate the signal. 

He sticks his head out to announce to SA that he found a 
“blip”. She announces that according to the “strictures of the 
Shadow Proclamation”, this means she has to seize the TARDIS. 
He asks why the hell she would do that. She says whoever moved 
the planets obviously did it with hostile intentions, which, 
you know, is basically an act of interplanetary war and he will 
be leading the fight. The Doctor says um...right...okay, I’ll 
just go get the key then. He disappears into the TARDIS, smiles 
at Donna and throws the switch to take off. Leader lady 
screams, alternately pleading and ordering the Doctor to stop. 
Of course, this is useless.

On a street somewhere, a Dalek orders all the human creatures 
to come out of their homes. “You will come with us. Resistance 
is useless.”
   Chrissy: So close.
   Diandra: Resistance is hopeless? No. Um...pointless? 
    Damnit, it’s right on the tip of my tongue...
One man asks where they’re taking them. The Dalek snits that 
they don’t answer questions from humans. Wilfred is watching 
this from around a corner. Sylvia is with him, begging him to 
please come home because the Daleks seem uninterested in their 
street. He says he has a weapon. She notes that it’s a paint 
gun. He says yeah, and that should be sufficient to blind those 
one eyed bastards. 
   Chrissy: That’s...actually really smart.
   Diandra: Yeah, Donna gets her brains from him. That’s 
    why we love them. 

One guy decides he’s had enough of this shit and orders his 
family to get back in the house. This not being quite enough of 
an act of defiance, he throws a rock at the lead Dalek as he’s 
retreating. Three Daleks line up on the sidewalk outside the 
flat they just went into and blast lasers through the windows, 
presumably killing everyone while the rest of the group outside 
squeaks in horror. Sylvia successfully pulls Wilfred away and 
they get all of fifty feet before a lone Dalek orders them to 
halt. Wilfred says screw that and shoots paint at the eyestalk. 
The paint sits for about a second before sizzling and melting 
away because I guess this strategy has been used before and 
they figured out how to get around it. The Dalek says well, in 
that case...EXTERMINATE! The entire top half of him explodes 
suddenly and Wilfred and Sylvia blink at Rose, standing behind 
the smoking remains of the Dalek with her enormous gun. Wilfred 
holds up his paint gun and greets her with “do you wanna swap?” 
Rose, all business, says they’re Donna Noble’s family right? 
She introduces herself and says she needs them.

Inside the Noble house, Wilfred says he’s been trying to call 
Donna but he can’t get through. He knows she’s still with the 
Doctor though. Last time she called she said she was on a 
planet made of diamonds called Midnight. Yeah, and she was 
probably sitting by a pool at the hotel all cheerful and 
totally oblivious to the fact that the Doctor was trapped on a 
shuttle somewhere with an unseen monster threatening to drive 
everyone into a homicidal rage.
   Chrissy: Um...
   Diandra: It’s actually an awesome episode. I’ll show it 
    to you later.
Sylvia asks what the hell he’s talking about because apparently 
she didn’t know about all the weird crap her daughter was 
involved in yet. Wilfred explains that she’s been traveling 
through space with the Doctor for a while now. Sylvia scoffs 
that that’s ridiculous. Wilfred notes the absurdity of her 
trying to deny this craziness NOW when the whole planet has 
moved and there are aliens patrolling the streets. Rose, almost 
forgotten now, murmurs that they were her last hope and if THEY 
can’t find Donna, then they can’t find the Doctor and they’re 
screwed. Oh, please. Since when do you give up that easily?

TARDIS. The ship stops and the Donna asks where they are and 
what happened. The Doctor looks at the monitor and says, 
ominously, that they are in the Medusa Cascade. We see outside 
that the TARDIS is still apparently floating through space. The 
Doctor says he came here when he was a ninety-year-old “kid”. 
Back then it was at the center of a rift in time and space. 
Donna says ooooookay, so, back to the 27 planets and where they 
are right now. The Doctor says nowhere because the trail stops 
here. Donna starts getting frantic, insisting there must be 
something they can do. He just stares at the monitor blankly. 
She says no, damnit, he is NOT giving up now. He’s going to 
TELL her what they’re going to do. He just keeps staring.

Torchwood hub. Gwen is listening as the Commander General of 
the United Nations tells the Daleks that the planet surrenders. 
Really? How did you get America to agree to that one?
   Chrissy: The Daleks took out all the Republicans first.
Supreme Dalek follows this up by announcing that all the humans 
selected for testing will follow instructions.
   Chrissy: Strip off all your clothes and get in the 
    “showers”.
   Diandra: Wow, when you go dark, you go REALLY dark.
   Chrissy: I see it as simply pointing out that Hollywood 
    and apparently the BBC ALWAYS portrays occupying forces 
    as interchangeable with Nazis. The ones patrolling the 
    streets might as well have been wearing jackboots. 
Actually, this isn’t a stretch because the genocidal maniacs 
who destroy anything that is not “perfect” go on to declare 
themselves the supreme beings in full command and the inferior 
humans will obey their every command and – I’m not kidding – 
“all hail the Daleks”.
   Chrissy: It all sounds better in the original German.

We see all the major characters but the still missing Martha 
reacting to this with abject despair. And then the laptop 
streaming the feed in the Noble house turns fuzzy and the Dalek 
Supreme’s voice is cut off in favor of a woman calling “can you 
hear me? The subwave network is open.” The picture is 
completely fuzzy, but Rose announces that she recognizes the 
voice and dives for the screen. 

Sarah Jane’s residence. Mr. Smith announces that he’s getting 
an incoming subwave and the same transmission appears on his 
screen. 

Hub. Gwen gravitates to a computer, where the same voice is 
saying that this message is of the “utmost importance.” Jack 
grumbles at her to just ignore it because it’s probably 
nothing. “Captain Jack Harkness, shame on you,” the voice 
snaps. “Now stand to attention, sir.” He perks up and runs to 
the monitor to figure out who the hell is talking to him like 
that.
   Chrissy: Yeah, only Ianto is allowed to do that!
The picture stabilizes on Penelope Wilton, holding up an ID and 
announcing herself as Harriet Jones, former Prime Minister. 
Jack, unimpressed, says yeah, he knows who she is.

Rose screams Harriet’s name excitedly, then realizes she can’t 
hear her. She asks if they have a webcam on this laptop. 
Wilfred says his daughter wouldn’t let him because they’re 
“naughty”. 
   Chrissy: Yeah, you have to watch out for those old 
   geezers. Give them a webcam and within minutes they’re 
   on Chatroulette picking up some floozy.

Harriet verifies that Sarah Jane is also receiving the 
transmission and taps a few keys on her keyboard so they can 
all talk to each other. The monitor splits into four panels 
with Jack, Sarah Jane and Harriet appearing in three of them. 
The fourth is still static. Harriet says hmm...fourth contact 
doesn’t seem to be coming through. Rose yelps that she’s HERE 
damnit. Harriet says she’s going to “boost the signal” which is 
something I’m pretty sure only works on television and Martha 
appears in the fourth screen. Rose blinks at the monitor like 
‘who the hell is THIS bitch?’ 
   Chrissy: Ah. Now I know why you like Rose better than 
    Martha.
   Diandra: Eh, it’s marginal. She was nowhere near as 
    awesome as Donna or Amy.

She watches as they all proceed to talk to each other. Martha 
says Project Indigo tapped into her brainwaves or something 
because one minute she was at UNIT in New York and the next she 
was curled on the entry floor of her parents house and her mom 
was swooping in to hug her. Mum appears next to her and says 
“at the end of the world you came back to me.”
   Chrissy: Um...that’s nice, but wasn’t she supposed to 
    find the DOCTOR, not some other point still on Earth?
   Diandra: Oh, good, you see the problem with this too.
Martha says this laptop she’s using just turned itself on 
suddenly. Harriet says yeah, that was her and introduces 
herself again, holding up her ID. Yes, everybody probably 
remembers who the prime minister was during the whole alien 
invasion debacle where the Doctor lost his hand. In fact, why 
is everyone still acting happy to see her? Wasn’t she basically 
an enemy of the Doctor after ordering Torchwood to shoot down 
the aliens that were already in retreat?

Harriet takes a moment to introduce everybody to each other. 
Jack praises Sarah Jane for her work with the Slitheen. Sarah 
Jane says she’s been “staying away from” Torchwood because, you 
know, “too many guns”. Yes, you’re a children’s show. We know. 
Jack says yeah, whatever, “might I say...looking good, ma’am.” 
Sarah Jane preens a little and Harriet – in the Doctor’s steed 
– chastises him for flirting at a time like this. Harriet 
introduces Martha as a former companion of the Doctor’s and 
Rose squeaks that hey, so was SHE damnit. Okay, Rose? Don’t 
turn into Martha. Harriet says this “subwave network” is 
sentient software designed to locate anyone who could possibly 
contact the Doctor. And that doesn’t include the woman who was 
able to send him Bad Wolf messages across parallel universes? 
Anyway. It’s undetectable so the Daleks can’t hear them. Jack 
says yeah, that’s nice, but what they need is a weapon 
so...what was “that key thing” that UNIT gave Martha? Didn’t he 
react like he knew what it was at the time? Oh, hell, I’m not 
going back to check.
   Chrissy: Just do what I do: keep drinking until you 
    don’t care enough to ask questions anymore.
   Diandra: Oh, is that your excuse?
   Chrissy: You know...

Harriet says the Osterhagen Key is not to be used EVER under 
ANY circumstances. Jack says yeah, okay, but for the audience 
now: what is it? Harriet says forget about it. “That’s an 
order.” Oh, yeah, that always works. Right now all they need is 
the Doctor. Sarah Jane reminds everybody of the thing I just 
said: didn’t the Doctor depose her? She says yeah, and she’s 
wondered ever since if maybe he was right and she was wrong. 
But she stands by her decision to destroy the already 
retreating enemy because she just KNEW one day the Earth would 
be in danger and the Doctor would be nowhere in sight. 
   Chrissy: Wow. Did she just use the Cheney defense?
Martha says yeah, let’s put a pin in that for a moment...the 
Doctor still has that phone she gave him in the last crossover 
in the TARDIS. She’s been trying to call, but she can’t get 
through. Rose, unheard by anyone but Donna’s family, grumbles 
that she can’t either but SHE was here first.
   Chrissy: BACK OFF BITCH. I CALLED DIBS FIRST.
Harriet says that’s why they need this subwave network: they 
can communicate with EACH OTHER and act as the Doctor’s secret 
army. Oh, sure. I bet that was your intention. Pffftt.

Jack has a sudden realization that if they route that number 
through Torchwood maybe they can boost the signal with rift 
energy. Luke adds that they can use Mr. Smith to link into 
every telephone network on the planet so that they all call the 
same number.
   Chrissy: And if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to resort 
    to that stupid sci-fi version of clapping to believe in 
    fairies plan from last time.
   Diandra: Actually, I’m pretty sure there’s no way the 
    Daleks won’t notice they’re doing that, so if it 
    doesn’t work the only alternative is probably to assume 
    the “battle position” you were describing earlier.
Ianto becomes the smartest person in the room as he nudges Jack 
aside and points out basically what I just said. Doing that 
will make their little underground group VERY visible. Harriet 
says yes, but they’ll trace it back to HER, and she’s willing 
to sacrifice herself to save the planet. 
   Chrissy: Oh, sure. Because then you’ll be remembered as 
    a great hero instead of a coward who shoots their enemy 
    in the back.
   Diandra: Might even get some buildings named after her.
   Chrissy: Ugh. Politicians. 
She continues to babble sappily about people DYING out there on 
the streets. Wilfred gets misty eyed, calls her a “marvelous 
woman” and claims he voted for her. Sylvia says no he didn’t.

Everyone runs around typing on keyboards and plugging things in 
and flipping switches. Some lighted rings shoot up the center 
waterfall thing of the Hub and radiate into space.

In the TARDIS, the Doctor is shaken from his trance as a phone 
rings. He answers it with an enthusiastic “MARTHA, IS THAT 
YOU?” Realizing it’s just a signal, he jams a stethoscope that 
seems to have appeared out of nowhere in his ears and presses 
the end to the screen. 
   Chrissy: Yeah, we blew the budget for this episode. We 
    grabbed this from the nurses office. Just pretend it’s 
    high-tech.
   Diandra: I don’t know if they will be featured in this 
    episode, but he also has some special “filtered” 
    glasses that happen to look like a pair of cardboard 3D 
    glasses somebody got in a magazine. 
   Chrissy: My God, how do these people do this with 
    straight faces?
   Diandra: It is a testament to their acting abilities.

Dalek mothership. The Daleks announce that they’re picking up a 
weird subwave frequency. Supreme Dalek responds to this with 
all the diplomacy and nuance his species is famous for: “find 
and exterminate!” The croaky voice from earlier...ugh, could 
you seriously come out of the shadows already?...says he warned 
the Supreme Dalek. This is just as Dalek Caan fortold. “The 
children of time are moving against us. But everything is 
falling into place.”
   Chrissy: Soon the thirteenth tribe will find the Arrow 
    of Apollo, which will point them toward Earth.
   Diandra: Which they will eventually destroy, forcing the 
    survivors of the other twelve colonies to find a NEW 
    Earth, etc.
   Chrissy: All this has happened be-
   Diandra: -fore and will happen again. We know.

Sparks are shooting from the machinery in the hub and Mr. 
Smith’s console. Rose and Donna’s family are dialing their cell 
phones repeatedly and Rose is pleading with the Doctor to find 
her.
   Chrissy: ME. Find ME, not that Martha bitch, whoever she 
   thinks she is.

The Doctor announces that he’s got it, punches some buttons and 
the TARDIS jolts. 

Gwen announces that something has locked onto Harriet’s 
location which must mean the Daleks have found her already. 
Harriet says she’s “masking the transmission” and they should 
keep going. A window blows out behind her. 

A fire starts around the TARDIS console. The Doctor says the 
call is pulling them through time. Or something. Whatever, I’m 
pretty sure it’s never done this before.
   Chrissy: Have you tried turning it off and back on 
    again?
   Diandra: Yes, thank you, Geek Squad.

Harriet announces that she’s transferring the subwave network 
to Torchwood and Jack is now in charge. “Tell the Doctor for me 
he chose his companions well. It’s been an honor.” This little 
heroic speech finished, she gets up and turns to meet the 
Daleks blasting through her window. She introduces herself for 
the third time in exactly the same way, flashing her ID. 
   Chrissy: Well, that’s one way to ruin the moment.
The Daleks are like ‘yeah, no shit lady. EXTERMINATE!’ Her 
section of the four panel monitor turns to static.

And then the TARDIS appears, the Doctor and Donna screaming the 
whole way, in the middle of the sound beam emanating from 
Earth. They boggle at all the planets arranged just as the 
simulation predicted they would be. Donna asks why they 
couldn’t see it before. The Doctor says the whole Medusa 
Cascade has been put one second out of sync with the rest of 
the universe. So, basically, it wasn’t a question of WHERE they 
should be looking, but WHEN and the answer was a tiny little 
artificial pocket. If you’ll excuse me, I have to catch up on 
my drinking. The monitor goes fuzzy as they’re patched into the 
subwave network in the spot where Harriet used to be. Jack 
laughs for a second and then screams “WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU 
BEEN?!”
   Chrissy: I just crossed possibly the entire universe and 
   got sucked into a time warp by several billion cell 
   phones and this is the welcome I get? Humans.
Gwen forgets herself for a second to note that the Doctor is 
younger than she thought he would be and kinda cute. Ianto 
bristles that he isn’t THAT young.
   Chrissy: Oh, relax. You’re still pretty.
   Diandra: Now, if you’ll excuse him, he has some 
    exfoliating to do.

Everyone starts talking at once, including Donna’s mom and 
grandfather, who are excited to see her standing next to the 
Doctor. The Doctor identifies Sarah Jane and Torchwood for 
Donna. Donna identifies Martha, smiles wickedly and says “who’s 
HE?” The Doctor says that’s Captain Jack and “don’t. 
Just...don’t.” 
   Chrissy: Hey, turnabout is fair play.
Donna calls this an “outer space Facebook” and the Doctor notes 
that the only thing missing is Rose. 
   Chrissy: Well, that and all the political and one like = 
   one prayer bullshit.
Rose makes a sad face.

On the Mothership, Dalek Caan is giggling like the lunatic he 
has apparently decided to embrace. “He is here,” he purrs. “The 
Dark Lord is come!”
   Chrissy: Vader is here?
   Diandra: That or Volde-
   Chrissy: SHHHHHH! What, are you crazy?
The voice asks for access to the subwave network so he can 
address them directly. 

The screen everybody is talking through goes to static and on 
the TARDIS Donna yelps that they’ve lost them. Well, at least 
you found Earth first. That’s a step in the right direction, 
right? The Doctor says no, another signal is coming through. He 
applies the age old fix of banging on the monitor to try to 
clear the static and calls Rose’s name because it must be her, 
right? His face falls as the voice notes that his voice is 
different, but it’s still full of the same old arrogance. Sarah 
Jane – because obviously everybody can hear everything that’s 
going on this whole episode – murmurs that that can’t be right 
because “he’s dead”.
   Chrissy: Pffffftt. Like anybody ever really dies on this 
    show.
   Diandra: You catch on quick.
The voice comes forward so we can fully see it (although I 
understand anybody who remembers the fifth Doctor already knew 
who it was and this might be why Sarah Jane needed to be here). 
Basically, it’s a humanoid using the bottom half of a Dalek as 
a wheelchair. He has sunken pits where his eyes should be and a 
big, glowing blue “eye” in the middle of his forehead. “Welcome 
to my new Empire, Doctor,” he says. Then for the people who 
still don’t know who he is, he adds that it’s fitting that the 
Doctor will bear witness to “the triumph of Davros, lord and 
creator of the Dalek race.”
   Chrissy: Okay, so...
   Diandra: I watched maybe two episodes of the original 
    Doctor Who series and they predated whatever season 
    this character originated in by at least a decade. I 
    only barely understand any of this NOW, two 
    regenerations of the Doctor later. Don’t bother asking 
    me questions. I can’t answer them.
   Chrissy: I was just going to say he looks like the Dalek 
    equivalent of Lisa, but okay. Good to know.

The Doctor stares at the screen. Donna leans close and murmurs 
that it’s okay, they’re in the TARDIS. They’re safe. The Doctor 
ignores her and growls that Davros was DESTROYED in the first 
years of the Time War at the Gates of Elysium. “I saw your 
command ship fly into the jaws of the Nightmare Child.”
   Chrissy: Okay, now Russell is just throwing random words 
    together.
   Diandra: JUST NOW? 
The Doctor says he tried to save Davros. Davros says it took 
someone stronger than him. Dalek Caan saved him. Dalek Caan 
sing-songs that he flew into the fire and “danced and died a 
thousand times”. Davros says an “emergency temporal shift” 
brought him (Caan) back into the Time War. The Doctor says this 
is impossible because the whole war is time locked. Davros is 
like ‘yeah, hence why he’s turned into Norman Bates over there, 
but isn’t it interesting that a Dalek who was, let’s face it, 
an idiot to begin with was able to do what you couldn’t?’ The 
Doctor concludes that Davros has since made a new race of 
Daleks. Davros says he literally put everything he had into it 
and pulls open his shirt to reveal the kind of torso you would 
expect to find in the props room of “The Walking Dead”. So, you 
know, he literally considers them his children now. 
   Chrissy: What’s wrong with adoption?

The Doctor says well...um...guess there’s just one thing left 
to say. “Bye!” He throws a switch and the TARDIS goes spinning 
through the cluster of planets. The Daleks all panic and shout 
orders to find the Doctor. Davros calmly says nah, he’ll go to 
Earth eventually because all his closest allies are human for 
some reason. Dalek Caan is excited by the oncoming doom of “the 
most faithful companion”. 
   Chrissy: Martha?
   Diandra: Like you said, nobody actually “dies”. 

The Daleks conclude that the next most logical course of action 
is to take out Torchwood then. Wait........what? In the hub, 
Ianto announces that ships are headed toward Cardiff Bay. Jack 
is running somewhere, cell phone to his ear, ordering Martha to 
open the Indigo device and lift the central panel. There should 
be a string of ever-changing numbers, but the fourth number 
only changes back and forth between two digits. She says yeah, 
a four and a nine and they could never figure out what that 
meant. Jack says it’s the teleport base code and punches the 
numbers into his wrist strap. Gwen and Ianto hand him his coat 
and a weapon that looks just like the one Rose has but somehow 
smaller. He cheerfully announces that he’s going to go find the 
Doctor. He sees the sad puppy looks on their faces and says 
what? He’ll come back. Gwen says yeah, don’t worry about it. 
We’ll be fine. Just go. The second he disappears, the ground 
shakes and stuff starts falling from the ceiling. 
“EXTERMINATE,” a Dalek shouts. Gwen, master of the obvious, 
says “they’re here.”

Smith house. Mr. Smith announces the coordinates the TARDIS is 
headed toward. She puts on her coat and tells Luke she has to 
find the Doctor, but he should stay where he is and not leave 
the house for anything. Mr. Smith promises to protect him. Oh, 
are you equipped with lasers in case the Daleks show up? She 
says a tearful “I love you” goodbye and runs out to her car. 
The minute it starts, it blows up. Kidding. I’m kidding. 

Rose calls “Control” and orders another “shift” to lock onto 
the TARDIS.
   Chrissy: So with this in mind, I’m just going to go back 
    to your last joke and say ZIS IS KAOS! We do not kid 
    here!
   Diandra: Think the cone of silence will protect Luke?
   Chrissy: Nah, that thing never worked.
She tells Donna’s family she’s going to find the Doctor and 
disappears in a bright flash.

The TARDIS lands in front of an ominous looking church. They 
look at the deserted streets full of empty cars and the Doctor 
murmurs that Sarah Jane DID say they were taking people. But 
why? He orders Donna to try to remember anything Rose may have 
said in that parallel universe. Donna says she just said “the 
darkness is coming”. Well, that was the message, but it’s not 
like you didn’t talk to her before that. But if she missed it, 
the Doctor can ask her himself because she just appeared on the 
street behind him. The Doctor turns and there’s a long shot of 
them running toward each other while music not normally found 
outside of romantic dramas plays. And then a Dalek comes out of 
nowhere and shoots him. And even though Rose has a gun, this is 
when Jack appears and shoots the Dalek just like she did 
earlier only he’s about three seconds too late. Rose runs over 
and cradles the Doctor, who grins at her like a doofus and then 
groans in pain. She pleads with him not to die.
   Chrissy: Wouldn’t he just regenerate?
   Diandra: Yes, but then he might lose the pretty face.
Donna helps Rose drag him back into the TARDIS while Jack picks 
up both guns and covers them.

Gwen comes back up to the main floor with a couple semi 
automatics. Ianto protests that they already know those don’t 
work against Daleks. Gwen says fuck it, she’s going out 
fighting like Owen and Tosh. Ianto takes one of the guns, loads 
it and says “yes, ma’am.”
   Chrissy: Okay, I think I’m officially ready to like her.
   Diandra: You better be because you’re out of options 
    now.

TARDIS. Rose and Donna lay the Doctor on the floor. Rose is 
crying and Donna is babbling that there must be SOMETHING they 
can do. Jack tells them to step back. When they don’t move, he 
barks at Rose to DO IT because they both know what happens when 
he dies. Donna, who has never seen him regenerate, is like 
what? Is he going to explode? WHAT? Rose is still crying and 
still not moving. The Doctor holds up a hand and watches as it 
starts to glow.

Somewhere on the way to the TARDIS, Sarah Jane runs into a 
couple Daleks, who announce that all forms of human transport 
are forbidden. She holds up her hands and screams that she’s 
sorry, she forgot, and she surrenders. The Daleks are like 
yeah, cool story lady, EXTERMINATE! Sarah Jane squeals and 
throws her hands up over her face.

And we cut to Torchwood, where an explosion at the cog door 
forces it open, revealing another Dalek chanting “exterminate!” 
Gwen and Ianto start firing on full auto, Gwen screaming 
angrily.

TARDIS. Jack pulls Donna and Rose to the other side of the 
console. “Will someone please tell me what’s going on,” Donna 
screams furiously. Instead of letting her figure it out like 
she did, Rose explains that when he dies his body “repairs 
itself” and “changes”. The Doctor hauls himself upright and 
concludes that he’s “regenerating”. He throws his head back and 
the bright regeneration light spews from his head and arms. 
Rose and Donna flinch and turn into Jack’s chest. We focus on 
the Doctor’s regeneration-light-blurred face and slam into a 
card that says “to be continued.” Yep. We’re leaving basically 
everybody in peril. See you next week. The good news is that WE 
don’t have to wait. We can just go right into the next recap.
   Chrissy: Well, after you take a break so I can go get 
    some more beer.
   Diandra: Oh, right. Might need something stronger than 
    beer. Are you okay to drive?
   Chrissy: Fuck it. It’s not that far. I’ll just steal 
    your bike.
   Diandra: Maybe you should let me do it. Last time you 
    tried to pedal drunk, you fell off the bike. 
   Chrissy: That was a stationary bike.
   Diandra: Yeah, you’re not helping your case here, but 
    okay. I’ll just start the “previously on” part of the 
    next episode and call for an ambulance if you’re not 
    back by the time I’m done.
   Chrissy: Shouldn’t be a problem considering the speed 
    you write at.
   Diandra: You know...