"Torchwood: Children of Earth, episode 5" Starring: John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Kai Owen, Peter Capaldi, Cush Jumbo, Susan Brown, Liz May Brice. Notice who's missing. Sob. Previously, an alien species only known as the 456 landed in England twice. Once in 1965, getting the government to hand over a dozen kids in exchange for the cure to a virus. The second time, present, they announced their presence by turning all the children into a giant speaker system and demanded ten percent of ALL the children or else they'll kill everyone. Johnson is now possibly working with Gwen as she was apparently being duped before. The Doctor still hasn't found the damn Chameleon Arch, so he still thinks he's Frobisher. And a bunch of people are dead now, including, most importantly, Ianto. Because watching Owen and Tosh die wasn't painful enough, apparently. Chrissy: Are you kidding? Compared to this entire season that was just a scratch! We open on a home video of Gwen, speaking directly to the camera. "There's one thing I always meant to ask Jack, back in the old days. I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. The man who appears out of nowhere and saves the world. Except sometimes he doesn't. All those times in history when there was no sign of him. I wanted to know why not. But I don't need to ask anymore. I know the answer now. Sometimes the Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame. I'm recording this in case anyone ever finds it so you can see. You can see how the world ended." This is all intercut with images of children being ripped from their families by men in tactical uniforms. Chrissy: Okay, so, irony about the fact that Frobisher is played by the guy who would be Doctor aside...where is he actually while all of this is going on? Diandra: The timelines are really murky, but I THINK he might be on Mars in the future freaking out about the fact that he's getting close to regeneration and trying to play god. Chrissy: Oh. So totally useless. Diandra: Yeah, and when he comes to Earth he will bring some crazy bullshit showdown with the Master with him, so...yeah. Still useless. And we go to the Prime Minister lying in a television broadcast about how the government is taking steps to "safeguard" the children and the schools are being reopened. Some of those schools might be visited by representatives from the government. There's nothing to be afraid of, they just have some inoculations to give the kids. Rhiannon's house. Rhiannon is watching this report with the kids and going 'yeah, right. Not gonna happen to MY kids, pal.' The little girl is like 'but we're supposed to do what the nice man on the TV says!'. Rhiannon is like 'the nice man on the TV is a lying bastard and I never voted for him anyway.' She tells the boy to go door to door offering to take the kids "free of charge". Her slimebag husband protests at this last part. Because why the hell would you want to save your neighbors if there isn't any money in it for you? Chrissy: Seriously, lady. You seem nice. Why did you marry this guy? Diandra: Why do any of us settle for dirtbags? She adds that he should tell them her brother works for the government and he says the inoculation isn't safe. Frobisher's house. The oldest child asks if they should get ready for school then. Mom says no. No, you are special little snowflakes who don't have to do what the rest of the population does because your daddy is deemed "important". War room (formerly crisis room or COBRA). HITL...okay, I can't keep calling her this. Chrissy: Why? I say you should COMMIT to it instead of apologizing all the time. Call her Hey It's That Lady, Er, Whatshername. Diandra: Hitler W? Chrissy: Killing two birds. She's not the actual bad guy here, she's just an enabler. Okay, whatever. W tells the Prime Minister that they've "isolated" 2,600 schools. Pierce butts in to say that she will address him with information about this operation from now on as the entire British government has proven themselves "incapable of handling this crisis". Chrissy: Well, it didn't take long for the Americans to take over and act like they're better than everyone. Diandra: It's what they're good at. Isn't it refreshing to see Americans from a different perspective for a change? Chrissy: Interesting word choice. I would have gone with "sickening" or "depressing". W grumbles okay, well, Mr. Force the Universe to Conform and Kiss Up to Dimwitted, Illiterate, Cocky Knuckledraggers (feel free to work out the acronym on this), here's the list. They're mobilizing so the British Army can move in and grab the children at noon. PM asks what happens if the soldiers refuse because they have a sudden crisis of conscience? Pierce says that's easy: they're soldiers. They're trained to obey orders no matter how stupid. Also, we threatened to target THEIR families if they didn't cooperate. W asks what happens once they get the children to the rendezvous points. Pierce has no clue. Chrissy: He's American. Not having any fucking idea what you're doing but being loud and obnoxious while doing it is our default setting. Diandra: And if anyone dares point this out, we remind them that WE won WWII for them (ignoring the fact that they were right there at our sides) and they should be eternally grateful to us. General Oduya arrives at the top floor of the now cleared Thames House and is met by...Decker. Because even though he was exposed to the same poison as everybody else, somehow putting on a hazmat suit AFTER the fact saved him. Chrissy: I don't even want to consider the possibility that this proves Ianto could have lived. Diandra: No, what I'm saying is DECKER SHOULDN'T HAVE SURVIVED EITHER. What the hell? Decker apologizes for the overpowering smell of disinfectant and says there were bodies piled ten deep at those elevator doors he just came through. Oduya notes that HE survived somehow. He says he "stood back", which is a strategy that always seems to work for him. Chrissy: "Stood back" is a creative way of saying "ran and hid". Diandra: But evolutionarily speaking...yes, the survivors of the species are rarely the ones who confront danger. It's the ones who find the deepest hole to hide in until the danger passes. Oduya enters the Ambassadorial Suite of Hostage Negotions and formally introduces himself, saying he is "seeking an audience" with the 456. The alien does his Linda Blair impression again. Because fuck diplomacy. We're WELL past that. Chrissy: Yes, I understand that you're upset because we didn't meet every single one of your demands, but voting for Jill Stein isn't the answer. Diandra: Are we back to the Bernie or Bust analogy? Chrissy: Hey, if the shoe fits, might as well strap that sucker on. "We have no choice but to initiate your plan, may God help me," Oduya grumbles. But he just wants to know what happens once the children are assembled. How will they be collected? Um...beamed up? I think you're missing the more important question here: what do you do with them once you get them to the Mothership? The alien says they'll use the same method he used to come down. Next stupid question. Oduya says okay, this next one he's asking as a father, not an official. They saw on the video that he's hooked up to a child like a life support machine, so obviously they need the children for some reason. What for? Are the children keeping them alive? The alien says nah, it's just for "the hit". That's the right terminology, isn't it? We're totally getting high off of them. Everyone in the war room gapes at the live feed as Oduya stammers 'what...seriously? You're shooting up our kids and forcing us to participate in some demented interplanetary drug trade?' The alien starts spewing and slamming against the walls of the tank. Chrissy: I just need one more, man! I can quit anytime I want! War Room. Pierce loudly reminds the Prime Minister that HIS government started all of this. Oh, that is SO helpful right now. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. He asks if the troops are on standby. W says um...yeah. He says okay, tell them to go ahead. Chrissy: Wait, so you're perfectly fine with following through on this insanity? Diandra: As long as we remind everyone that it was somebody else's idea in the first place and they should get all the blame if it goes wrong, yes. But if by some miracle it all turns out okay, we will totally take all the credit. Murica! The British news reporter urges everybody to go back to their normal routine aside from the whole "some children have to go for a shot that will totally stop them from chanting" thing. She notes that some people have reservations but they TOTALLY SHOULDN'T. TRUST YOUR GOVERNMENT. Jack and Gwen are sitting numbly in what looks like the gymnasium or whatever they were collecting bodies from Thames House in. Frobisher and Bridget meet them. They stare at each other awkwardly for a few seconds. Chrissy: No, seriously Doctor, WHY ARE YOU DOING NOTHING? Gwen says the threat still stands and her husband is still ready to release all the videos they took. Frobisher is like 'this again? You guys are like the knight in that Monty Python sketch that doesn't know when to fucking give up.' He says civilization itself is basically already on the brink of collapse here and all their plan will do is make it happen faster. Jack numbly admits that he's right and tells Gwen to call Rhys and get him to stand down. Gwen steps aside and does so, crying as she tells him that it's too late. They failed and Clement and Ianto are dead. Jack asks about Lois. Frobisher says she's in police custody on account of she committed espionage. Jack asks about Alice and Stephen. Frobisher says they're free to go now. Well, how charitable. Jack asks if Ianto's family has been told. Frobisher says they haven't released the names yet, which is pretty standard procedure when a large scale attack like this happens. Jack asks if they can let Gwen tell her then. Chrissy: Because she just LOVES being the one to break bad news to families. Diandra: Yeah. Thanks, Jack! He looks over at Gwen, who has ended her call and crumpled in a corner sobbing, and asks them to just take her home because he "can't look at her anymore." So Rhys joins them on the roof and Jack hugs her before husband and wife get on a waiting helicopter and the soldiers put Jack in handcuffs. Jack is thrown into a cell next to Lois, who calls to him demanding to know what's going on out there and what they should do now. He doesn't answer. Possibly pretends he doesn't hear her. Chrissy: Does he even know who she is, really? She's only ever dealt with Gwen and Rhys, right? Diandra: Oh, don't make excuses for him. Johnson goes to retrieve Alice and Stephen, handing the kid off to one of the men to entertain while she shows Alice part of the video Torchwood recorded from Thames House. It's at the part where the kid from the 60s the alien is hooked up to is on the screen. Johnson gives her an abbreviated explanation of what the aliens are demanding and says the government is ready to hand the new batch of kiddy crack over in two hours. The Prime Minister is back in his office. Frobisher nervously hesitates in front of his door before entering. PM tells him to sit down without taking his eyes off whatever he's writing. Frobisher sits nervously wringing his hands, watching PM continue to scribble, before he tries to say something and is immediately cut off. "Your name was chosen," PM says cryptically, still not looking up. Frobisher is like okay. Great. For what? PM finally looks up to say the inoculation story is working. Frobisher says great. Um...and? PM says in two hours there will be some news media at Frobisher's house so he can offer up his kids for "treatment". Frobisher is like um...but...we agreed... Apparently they decided to go with the 'one of us must offer up sacrificial lambs to convince people that nobody is above this' plan after all. Frobisher says oh, so...we're just going to PRETEND they're getting the inoculation right? PM is like um...no, you're handing them over to the 456. Chrissy: DAMNIT, VANNESSA! WHERE IS THAT FUCKING ARC?! The PM keeps rambling about how after this day is over the government must be seen as VICTIMS, not COLLABORATORS, but...seriously, dude, at what point did you think this was going to work? Frobisher threatens to tell everyone what's really going on as long as there are cameras in his face. PM suggests that that would just inform his daughters of exactly where they're going and he wouldn't want that, would he? Frobisher starts yelling that he WON'T do this and they can't make him. PM calmly says if he refuses they'll just take the kids without his involvement. Frobisher starts babbling incoherently and the Prime Minister says - in the standard way of a politician who honestly doesn't give a shit - that he is really very sorry about this. And now if Frobisher could leave because he's very busy. Chrissy: This is the point when most people would find the heaviest object and bash his skull in. Diandra: What would that accomplish? He'd just wind up in prison. Chrissy: So? They're taking his kids. What does he have to lose? Diandra: That's true. Seriously, where is that damn watch? Frobisher goes out in the hall to find Bridget waiting. He says he needs a requisition 31. Bridget blinks and asks what the hell he needs THAT for. Frobisher is like JUST DO IT GODDAMNIT please thank you. It's very British. She goes to do it and he sinks onto a bench and waits. She comes back with it after a few minutes and he takes the silver box she hands him silently and, after a pause, kisses her on the cheek. She gapes after him as he leaves the building. Well, that wasn't ominous AT ALL. Cardiff. Andy greets the helicopter and Gwen runs to hug him. In the car, Andy rambles about how everyone is on standby and in full riot gear and nobody is saying why. He asks what's going on. She says she can't tell him. Chrissy: And there is their entire relationship summarized in two sentences. He yelps that he's a COP. She says yeah, well...if she told him... After a long pause and Andy repeatedly prompting her, he grumbles about people who don't "bloody finish their sentences". Yeah, well... Rhys decides to get defensive of her with this of all things, telling Andy to leave her alone because she's pregnant. Yeah, that...what? Andy says oh, really? Who's the father? Rhys grumbles that he's totally slapping him when he gets a chance. Gwen mumbles about all the chemicals and radiation from Torchwood messing with her birth control because that's what Torchwood DOES: ruin your life. Rhys is like 'wait...ruin?' Gwen asks if he really wants to have kids in a world where the government will just hand them over to alien terrorists who use them like crack. Rhys says wait...she's not aborting. She gives him a look and asks if he's sure about that. Chrissy: Wow, we don't fuck around with heavy topics, do we? Diandra: Again, remember that she's, what, not even a month pregnant? After all the shit that's happened recently it really is a miracle she hasn't miscarried the fragile blob of cells already and made this a non- issue. Chrissy: Plot twist: the baby will be born with superhuman strength, giving Rhys even more reason to suspect Gwen had an affair with Jack at some point. PM is back in the crisis room with Pierce and W. She announces that it's eleven o'clock and the troops are ready to go. We see a little montage of troops mobilizing, kids reciting times tables in classes, and Frobisher arriving home to some press members standing on his lawn, flashing cameras at him. Bridget goes to talk to Lois. She sits across from her in her cell and begins by saying she wants to tell Lois how she came to meet John Frobisher. She says it was thirty years ago - before Lois was even born - and she was on "attachment to the civil service". He was just down the hall. She smiles fondly as she recalls how clumsy and awkward he was. Always losing his keys and such. The boss thought he wouldn't amount to much, but she thought differently and he outlasted all the others. As she's talking, we see intercut scenes of Frobisher waving at the reporters, going into the house, hugging the girls and instructing them silently (because we're still listening to Bridget) to go upstairs. His wife watches suspiciously. Bridget says Frobisher has always kept his head down and worked hard. They didn't actually work in the same office until ten years after they "met" when he specifically asked for her. This surprised her because she didn't think he even knew who she was. "And we made quite the team. I'm not saying he was perfect. You know that better than me. But he worked hard. He always worked hard." Frobisher hugs and kisses his wife and sends her upstairs too. "And he was a good man," Bridget finishes. "I want you to know that. John Frobisher was a good man." Frobisher pulls a gun from the silver box and loads it with shaking hands while Bridget continues to talk about how history is going to remember what happens today and it will all be cold and impersonal and everyone will forget what a good man he was. "I want you to remember him like that," she says, her voice warbling as Frobisher slowly marches up the stairs with the gun behind his back. "If ever you think of John Frobisher, just remember that it wasn't. His. Fault." Frobisher goes into the bedroom where everyone is sitting waiting for him and closes the door. The mournful soundtrack is broken by three gunshots, a long pause and a fourth. Chrissy: Well. There goes the potential crossover theory. The music stops and we go back to Bridget, who announces that she should go back to work. Gwen et al arrive at Rhiannon's house. Gwen asks Rhys to stay outside and watch for anything suspicious. Andy is like 'why? what? WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN?' Gwen tells him not to worry about it. As they head for the door, Andy asks if Ianto was gay. Gwen really doesn't see how that's relevant. He points out that maybe his family didn't know. And you think it's prudent to tell them now? 'Hi, your brother is dead. Did you know he liked to fuck other men?' Chrissy: One day movies and television shows won't even have to address shit like this and it will all be a whole lot less awkward. Diandra: I really hope I live to see that day. Gwen says there's a whole lot more going on here and Andy should just trust her and keep his mouth shut. Most importantly, they need to figure out where their kids are because Gwen might be playing personal body guard to them for the duration of this crisis. Rhiannon opens the door and, over the screaming of kids in the background, defensively says they are NOT shutting her down because they are being taken care of and she has the permission of their parents. She invites them to take a look if they don't believe her. They hesitantly follow her in and Gwen gapes at the dozen or so kids running around the main living area around the slob husband who is busy playing video games and doesn't want to be bothered with all this women's work. Rhiannon is still yelping about how this can't be illegal because they have permission and the parents aren't even paying them... Andy asks if they can talk somewhere in private about something else entirely. Gwen, distracted, asks how many kids there are here. Husband, eyes still glued to his screen, says 19 and if the government wants them they'll have to come and get them because they're NOT going to school. Gwen flashes back on Jack hugging her on the roof of that building, but this time we hear him whisper in her ear to save Ianto's niece and nephew. The clock in the crisis room ticks noon and all the phones start ringing. W asks the Prime Minister if they give the order then. Pierce reminds everybody that HE is the one giving orders here. Chrissy: Oh, just whip it out already. I'm sure somebody here has a ruler. He orders the mobilization of stage one. A teacher in one school protests as troops escort all the children out the front door, a guy who is probably the principal assisting. As they pile them into the bus outside, the mothers still in the vicinity start yelling too. One boy breaks away and starts running to his mother but is grabbed by a soldier and dragged away literally kicking and screaming. The children are all watching through the window, confused as the bus drives away. Some of them are crying. Rhiannon's place. The adults (plus her husband) are in a quiet corner of the house and she is sobbing, so obviously they already told her. The husband, King Dickhead, asks if Ianto said anything about the car. Seriously, dude. You don't know how lucky you are that this woman was willing to marry your stupid ass. Gwen says there's something else he wanted Rhiannon to know and it's kind of important. Rhiannon snaps at her to leave. Gwen softens her up again by babbling about how she knew Ianto for years and he made the best coffee and he always talked about her and the kids and how proud he was of his dad. Uh-oh. Danger, Will Robinson, danger. Rhiannon asks what he said about his dad, exactly. Gwen is like oh, he talked about his job and stuff. He was great tailor. Rhiannon sneers that if she believed that bullshit Ianto was feeding her she obviously didn't know much about him. Gwen looks chastised. Chrissy: Well, honestly, we have pointed that out before. The only one who maybe knew something about him was Jack and as we've pointed out the past few episodes: they weren't really talking that much about their pasts either. Alice is watching Stephen play kickball with Johnson's men. Johnson tentatively approaches and hands her a cup of...I'm going to guess tea. She says it has started. Crisis room. W says they're only getting about sixty percent of the children because, as predicted, they are staying home. Pierce says they'd better retrieve them then and orders the mobilization of stage two. Chrissy: You know, on the one hand what we said earlier about the Americans being perfectly happy to do something like this as long as the British will be the ones who get blamed makes total sense. But this could also be read as the British getting the Americans to do their dirty work for them because the Americans have fewer compunctions about doing terrible shit that violates basic ethics and decency. Diandra: Yeah, six of one... Chrissy: No, but one just makes the Americans look like assholes pointing fingers. The other makes them look like stupid hit men. Military trucks arrive in Rhiannon's neighborhood. This qualifying as something Rhys is supposed to be watching for, he runs for the house. Inside, Gwen is saying that they HAVE to get the children out of the house. Rhys bursts in before Rhiannon can answer. All the adults go outside to gawp at the soldiers and Gwen babbles that they are going to take the kids away and Rhiannon has to believe her. Ianto died trying to stop this. And we're back with Johnson and Alice. Johnson assures Alice that Stephen will be safe. They're just focusing on the ten percent of "undesireables". You know, those kids who were on the street corners. Chrissy: Homeless kids? Diandra: Nah: just poor kids. Johnson says she protects the state. That's her job. It's practically her religion. Alice asks what sort of good that is now. "Even if 90% look the other way, what sort of world are you leaving behind?" She leans in close and says if she really wants to "protect the state" right now, she NEEDS Jack. No doubt, Alice will look back on this moment as the worst mistake she ever made. Chrissy: What? Why? Diandra: Remember the fairies? How I said it shouldn't have been a surprise that Jack was willing to hand kids over to save humanity? Yeah. Keep that in mind. So the guard is checking on Jack and whoever else is in the cells when armed men storm in and knock him out. They yank a surprised Jack out of his cell and drag him away while Lois screams impotently from her own cell. More armed men are swarming over Decker's office. He is also knocked out when he finds them and demands to know what's going on. Gwen and Rhys help Rhiannon dress the children in their coats and instruct them to stay quiet because they're playing this game where if they don't make any noise they will get candy. They're calling it "spies". Rhiannon says there's a place down by the docks where they can hide them. Andy is trying to get somebody on his walkie. He goes out a side door, loudly demanding control tell him what's going on. Everyone else goes out the back door while the agents start breaking down the front. Rhiannon's husband finally becomes a decent human being by announcing that he's going to go back in because SOMEBODY has to be in there to try to stop the agents. Chrissy: Yeah. Good luck with that. It was nice knowing you. Diandra: No, it really wasn't. Goodbye! He runs up to a group of guys who are just standing around for some reason and tells them that the inoculation story is all bullshit and they're going to fight back. Being meatheads, they really don't need much of an excuse to start fighting, so...they charge at the soldiers waiting in riot gear. Andy watches from the sidelines for a while as everything erupts into chaos. Then when a group of the soldiers pry a screaming child from it's mother's fingers he rips off his vest and hat and jumps into the fight, getting in a few punches before a soldier pins him and jams a club in his face. Gwen, Rhys, Rhiannon and the children make it to the abandoned warehouse. Gwen repeats the instructions for them to keep as quiet as possible. Decker is escorted past Alice and Stephen, who are waiting in a hallway somewhere. Then Jack is escorted in and Stephen runs to hug him. Alice hands Stephen over to an officer at the back of the escort and runs after the group. They wind up in what looks like an airplane hangar. Decker and Jack are released and Johnson announces that this room has everything they should need, but if they missed anything they can get it. Jack is like 'cool. Uh...what are we doing again?' She thinks the fact that they always use the 456 wavelength is the key to fighting them. Decker thinks this is hilarious because he's been analyzing those transmissions for forty years and concluded that there's nothing they can do. Johnson calmly pulls her gun and shoots him in the leg, turning back to Jack as he falls down screaming and asking "what do you think, Captain?" Chrissy: Well, when you put it that way... Diandra: I think you're fucking crazy, lady. Go ahead and shoot. We all know you'd just be wasting a bullet and maybe five minutes. Johnson nods at Alice and tells Jack that his daughter told her he would be able to do this. Jack looks at her proudly, takes off his coat and announces "let's go to work." Jack runs between equipment, tapping into the Torchwood servers again. Decker, clutching his bleeding leg, pants that it still won't work. Jack snits that Torchwood has technology beyond what he's been using. Decker says yeah, sure. "We hacked into Torchwood years ago, you idiot." Johnson orders Decker brought over. Chrissy: She can't hit him from this distance? Alice is on a laptop too for some reason. She calls Jack ("dad") over to show him some pirated station that's broadcasting footage of soldiers carting the children away. Second warehouse hideout. Everyone is being really quiet, except Gwen who is recording the video we saw at the beginning of this episode. Rhys is holding the camera and she has one of the younger girls draped over her like a living blanket, just out of the camera's frame. Rhys stops the video when she finishes and asks if she really meant it when she said she might abort their baby. She sniffles and says no, she didn't. He hugs her, she apologizes and they both cry. Crisis room. Pierce is alerted to the illegal broadcast of the children being rounded up and orders it shut down. W announces that they're up to 80%, but people are starting to fight back. Pierce gets on the line with Oduya, still standing in the Ambassadorial Suite of Hostage Negotiations, to relate this. Oduya nervously relays that they can get 80% of the children and asks if that's enough. The alien says yeah, sure. We're feeling charitable. Oh, wait. No we're not. FUCK YOU. GIVE US ALL THE CHILDREN. Pierce sighs and says he's authorizing "maximum force" then. Bridget arrives just then to hand W a report from Germany, apologizing that it's on paper because the electronics are going into "meltdown". W, obviously already aware of what happened to Frobisher, tells her she doesn't have to be here. Bridget says it's what he would have wanted. Oh, really? He would have wanted you to work with the people who threatened to turn his kids into drugs for an alien race? W says as much: nobody really wants to be in this room right now. Except possibly the Prime Minister and Pierce. Bridget just stands there shooting the Prime Minister a look so seething I'm surprised his hair doesn't light on fire. Jack is muttering something about cycling the signal back at the 456. Decker cuts in to say that he's trying to create a constructive wave. Yeah, that won't work either, but probably everybody all over the world is trying it. Chrissy: Remind me why this guy is here again? Diandra: You mean now or in general? Chrissy: Well, yes, I mean...he's obviously useless here, but he hasn't done squat since he rescued himself from the virus so there doesn't seem to be any point in any of this. Jack mostly ignores him as he gets an idea. He asks nobody in particular how Clement died. Johnson non answers that the 456 killed him. Yeah, duh. But HOW? And why? Jack says his mind must have synced with the 456 back in the sixties somehow, but they didn't kill him because he didn't pose a threat. Unless he posed a threat somehow NOW because that connection is indicative of some sort of weakness. Johnson unearths a recording of the sounds from Thames House at the moment of Clement's death. It's a bunch of metallic, spacey shrieking noises. Chrissy: Kids these days and their "music". Decker wanders over to listen and Jack asks if he knows what it is. Decker, suddenly less of a dick, says he has no idea because it's new. The soldiers gather a large, obviously computer generated via clone tool group of children in what looks like an airfield. Jack thinks they don't have to analyze the new wavelength, just copy it and turn it into their constructive wave. The only problem is they don't have a way to transmit it. Decker grins and says sure, they do. Jack stares at him for a second, then hisses at him to shut up. Decker says what, it's the same thing they're doing. Jack says he'll find another way. Johnson looks back and forth between them and asks if they're going to explain what the hell they're talking about here. Decker explains that the 456 used children to transmit, so...they need a child. Alice, who has been standing on the sidelines slowly inching closer, is like 'wait...what are we talking about here?' Decker adds that the only problem is that with a resonance like this would probably kill that child. Alice looks at Jack and slowly realizes that they've come full circle. She starts begging him not to do what he's obviously thinking of doing. Johnson pipes up that it's a question of ONE child or MILLIONS of children. Alice starts shrieking at him to tell them they can't do this. Johnson says they need to do something NOW. Jack, not looking at either of them, nods. Alice runs off screaming Stephen's name. One of the kids in the warehouse calls Rhys over to point out the troop of soldiers outside getting a tip from some nosy person who lives nearby and heading right toward them. They start running. All except one little Asian girl who hides behind some stairs, terrified. She is captured when the soldiers burst in. Back in the government hangar...or whatever...some more soldiers body check Alice into a wall and hold her while Stephen is carried past her. He is set down on a platform in front of the panels Jack is working at. He keeps asking "Uncle Jack" what's going on, but Jack won't even look at him. The soldiers catch up to the rest of the group in a field, tackling Rhiannon and Rhys and taking the kids. Gwen is somehow still running. Alice is banging on a window out in the hallway, screaming. Jack finally looks up at Stephen, crying, as he pushes a button on the laptop. Stephen stills and lets out a high pitch, sustained shriek. All the gathered children start making the same noise. Gwen sets down the little girl she was still carrying, who is also making the noise. In the tank room of Thames House, the alien twitches and Oduya backs away nervously. Stephen starts seizing the same way Clement was, blood coming from his nose. The alien starts banging on the glass and spewing blood along with the usual green goop. And then after a few minutes and a quick check in with all the shrieking children, it explodes, splattering blood EVERYWHERE and the poison gas in the tank turns into a giant fireball. The fireball gets sucked up through the ceiling and overhanging clouds in the sky in a reversal of the way the alien originally came down. The clouds instantly dissipate and the sun comes out again. Chrissy: Which in itself is an unusual occurrence in England. Crisis room. All the monitors have turned to fuzz. Pierce is trying to get hold of Oduya for a report. In the Ambassadorial Suite it turns out Oduya can hear him just fine, but he's gaping at the tank in confusion. He finally answers that the alien is gone. Pierce looks around the silent crisis room dumbfounded. Gwen and Rhiannon are hugging the now smiling children while the soldiers stand around like 'fuck if I know what we're supposed to do now'. Johnson orders somebody to let Alice into the room. She runs to Stephen and cradles his body, shrieking and sobbing. Jack just stares at her, crying and looking traumatized. Johnson and Decker are pretending they're not in the room. Crisis room. Almost everyone has left already. Pierce salutes the Prime Minister and marches out. W tells the PM that the public will be expecting a statement from him. PM is like yeah...we got really lucky, didn't we? W says well...they don't know exactly what happened yet. PM says he meant with the Americans. Pierce took charge without authorization from the UN, so technically they can pin anything that happened today on the Americans. Bridget, who has been hovering in the corner, pipes up that after all of this his first thought is that at least he will be safe politically. Seriously? Well, in that case...she should probably tell him about her visit with Lois this morning. More importantly, he should know that she was able to use emergency protocols to obtain "evidence" taken from Lois. Lois was kind enough to explain to her exactly how the Torchwood spy contact lenses work. So, you know...smile, you bastard. You're on candid camera. Chrissy: Okay, she just redeemed anything she may have done in the entire run of this season. YEAH! Diandra: I'll admit: part of me was kind of hoping she'd stab the Prime Minister or something, but this is much more effective. I'm even willing to overlook the fact that I have no idea when she could possibly have done any of that: during the conversation about Frobisher or when she went back sometime later. Oh, did she mention she's recording this and will totally broadcast it to the general public? The Prime Minister, steam practically coming from his nostrils, says she wouldn't DARE and reminds her that he can have her arrested. W says no, he can't, actually. She dismisses Bridget and promises to personally ensure Lois' release. She suggests that she might be stepping into the role of Prime Minister herself in the next few days. Chrissy: So does this mean the Americans are absolved of all that bullshit their guy just pulled? Diandra: Oh. Damnit. Hangar. Jack is sitting on a bench in the hallway. Alice comes through a door at the end of the hall and they stare at each other for a few seconds before she turns and goes right back out. Chrissy: You're out of the will. Also, if you ever are in need or a kidney or something you can just go fuck yourself. Jack takes a deep breath and goes through the door at the other end of the hall. Six months later. Wait...why? Gwen and Rhys pull up somewhere in the dark. Rhys gets out, opens her door and announces that there's no more road and they'll have to walk the rest of the way. He asks if she's okay. She heaves her pregnant self out of the car and grumbles that if he fusses over her one more time... heh. They meet Jack at the top of a grassy hill. Gwen asks why he couldn't have just chosen to meet in a pub. Rhys adds that it's "bloody freezing" out here. Jack notes that he's missed this Welsh national past time: bitching. He says Gwen looks good. She's like 'yeah, I can't see my feet anymore, my face is swelling up and I pee when I cough. It's great.' She comes closer and fuses with Jack's collar, asking if he's okay and if "it" worked. He says yeah, he traveled all sorts of places, but this planet is too small. "The whole world is like a graveyard." Gwen begs him to come back with them. Jack says no, he hasn't traveled far enough yet. Because he apparently thinks he can outrun his own demons. Chrissy: Yeah, good luck with that. He says right now there's a "cold fusion cruiser surfing the ion reefs at the edge of the solar system just waiting to open its transport dock." Chrissy: Oh, I really hope that wasn't a euphemism. Diandra: Really? I'd think you'd be hoping it WAS. He says he just needs to send a signal. She smiles and reaches into her pocket for his time skip wriststrap thingy. She says they found it in the wreckage of the hub because it's indestructible. She had to put a new strap on it though. She asks if he's ever coming back as he puts it on. He asks why he would come back here. She says for her. She starts crying and says it wasn't his fault. He insists it was though and lists all the people they lost all the way back to Ilsa: all dead because of him. She reminds him that he also saved them. He says he was beginning to "like it" and "look what I became." He says he's led many lives already and maybe it's time to find a new one. He stands back and starts pushing buttons on the wrist strap. Gwen sobs that he can't just run away. Awful as all those deaths were...he can't run away. He says oh yeah? "Watch me" and disappears in a flash of light. Rhys approaches to comfort her as she sobs, offering to take her home now. She nods, sniffles and leans on him as they go back down the hill, glancing back at the sky one last time. Meanwhile, there is a moment in the last David Tennant episode of "Doctor Who" where the Doctor pays Jack a visit on his farewell tour before regenerating into Matt Smith. I'm not sure if it comes here or in those six months Jack was traveling around the world, but I suspect the latter. The Doctor finds Jack in a bar, seemingly attempting to drink himself into oblivion to avoid thinking about what just happened. He doesn't say anything, just nods at him and basically fixes him up with a guy he met on one of his last missions who will never be heard from again. Chrissy: Wait...he could have fixed everything in, like, five minutes, but he waits until AFTER Torchwood has fumbled their way through a horrible solution and gives him a one-night-stand consolation prize? Diandra: Worse: David Tennant described the look he gave him as the Doctor "forgiving" Jack for what he had to do, then quickly added that he had no idea just how bad it was because he didn't see these episodes until AFTER he played the scene. Chrissy: The Doctor left Torchwood to deal with a no-win situation and THEY need HIS forgiveness? Diandra: I think it might make more sense if you go with the Doctor-as-God-character analysis of "Doctor Who" and say that he can't always intervene and the humans occasionally have to fend for themselves. Kind of answers Gwen's questions earlier too. Chrissy: Oh, whatever. Didn't they do some alternate timeline stories on this cannon recently? They should do an alternate ending where Frobisher realizes he's actually the Doctor in hiding and, instead of a gun, gets Bridget to bring him the Chameleon whatsit so he can put a stop to that bullshit. Diandra: You know that was after Ianto died, right? Chrissy: Crap. You know what? As long as it involves the Doctor getting revenge on the aliens who killed Ianto over drugs, I'm cool with that.