"Torchwood: Miracle Day, episode 5: Categories of Life" Starring: John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Mekhi Phifer, Alexa Havins, Bill Pullman, Lauren Ambrose We begin this episode with Russell promising this episode will end with us understanding exactly what this season is all about (now that we're halfway through it), John promising it will not be pretty and Chrissy promising to return any minute now with more beer. I'm just going to go ahead and start. She can catch up. Previously on Torchwood: teabagger Ellis tried to convince everyone that the living dead people are draining resources and should be put in concentration camps. The Spinning Triangle People buried her in a crushed car so she would shut up. The team uncovered evidence that PhiCorp was already building those camps and Gwen's dad has been taken to one because Rhys is a bumbling idiot again. And Oswald became the new age Jesus. Or the antichrist. Something. Back at city hall in Washington DC. Juarez flags down a woman to ask where everybody on the medical panels went. The woman is surprised Juarez didn't get the memo. The panels are "done". Juarez splutters. How? What? The woman says the report was sent to congress today and the secretary of the HHS took it to the president. "Now that the categories have been finalized, it clears the way for a lot of legislation." Juarez, totally out of the loop now, asks what the hell categories she's talking about. The lady exposits that instead of dead or alive, there are now categories of life recognized in America and Europe. She hands Juarez the file and walks away, tossing back that they become official at midnight. New Hub. The team - minus Gwen - are unpacking Chinese takeout when Rex gets a call from Juarez. She announces that she's joining their cause. "Whatever you're doing to fight this Miracle? Count me in." Good girl. Bleeping credits. One of the apparently only half a dozen reporters we have in America announces that the UN has officially sanctioned the category system. The president has declared it compulsory and anyone designated category one or two under the emergency miracle law is to be taken to the overflow camps. This report is repeated in Spanish and Japanese even though that doesn't make sense if it only applies to America and Europe so far. My guess is they don't trust Americans to tell the difference between Spanish and French, but I'm not sure why the Brits aren't involved anymore because the American reporter is relaying reports that the system is already in place in the UK. Apparently Gwen wasn't at the new hub earlier because she flew back to Wales. She's still using the Yvonne alias and Rhys is waiting for her dressed like a private driver. They pretend they're just meeting now and that they haven't totally done roleplaying games like this before. He asks if there's any luggage she needs him to carry. She says no, the only thing he'll be picking up today is her. He smirks and says it would be his pleasure. "I don't think I like the tone of your voice," she says with a straight face. He asks what she plans to do about it. She says oh, she can think of a few things. Some of which are probably illegal in several countries. But first she needs her leather bodice and a riding crop. Chrissy: What the fuck is going on in here? Diandra: Oh good, you're back. Gwen drops the act immediately like a terrible spy and kisses Rhys enthusiastically before remembering to ask who is taking care of their daughter. Rhys jokes that he didn't bother asking anyone to watch her. He just left her with a can of petrol and a cigarette lighter to entertain herself. She'll be fine. No, she's with grandma. Which might well be worse, actually. So they go to grandma's place, where Gwen is reunited with a baby that is far more interested in whatever is going on off- set than her. Grandma Mallory says she's a really easy baby and sleeps right through the night and doesn't put up a fuss at bedtime. Unlike SOME babies she won't name. Rhys neglects the opportunity to make some sort of crack here. Gwen notes that every single article of clothing Anwen is wearing is in a shade of Pepto Bismol and, when mom isn't looking, pulls the pink flower headband off her head and tosses it. Then she notices the board mom is attending to that looks like something you'd find in a police station or conspiracy theorists den. She asks what the hell that's about. Rhys grumbles about Gwen being able to take a breath and reunite with her daughter before going back to work, but Gwen is already zeroed in on the board, distractedly handing the baby to him so she can get closer. She seems to know exactly what it is as she notes "and all of this is off the A48?" Mom says they're taking patients from all over South Wales to this place near Cowbridge. Gwen notes that it looks like old army barracks. Mum says yep, they reopened it two days ago and designated it as an "overflow camp". This is where they took Gwen's dad, so she's going to have to go in there to get him out. We focus on one of the articles she has pinned to the board that screams "they go in, but no one comes out!" Chrissy: So we're just skipping the part where Gwen's mom knows about this shit and is giving her missions? Diandra: [cracks open a beer and hands it to Chrissy] Welcome to the show. A crowd of people are standing outside Cowbridge overflow camp. A man tries to direct them into groups. A woman yelps that her son is in there and they just TOOK him without asking her permission. The woman next to her piles on that she's been trying for a LONG TIME to see whoever is in there and she keeps getting a run around. Andy pulls up with Gwen and Rhys and they boggle at the size of the warehouse. Andy exposits that hospitals all over the southwest are closing because "MSRA is going crazy". He says the NHS is going to "go bust" by the end of the week. Chrissy: Quick! Let's vote to cut ties with Europe! Diandra: Okay, we can't say we're going to avoid our own political bullshit and then complain about another country's. Chrissy: Eh. We were doing a shitty job of avoiding it anyway. Diandra: You were. I was actually trying. Andy says there are 35 of these camps so far and although it might look like chaos from here...they're working. Chrissy: Yeah, so what if we're deporting doctors and legal residents and refusing to give guidance when agents don't know how the fuck to handle the mess anymore? THE IMMIGRATION ORDER IS WORKING. Diandra: Sigh [drinks] Gwen points out that if there is no NHS, that means PhiCorp is paying for all of this and how is that a good thing, exactly? Chrissy: FAKE NEWS! Diandra: OH MY GOD, STOP! Chrissy: Seriously, though, I'm surprised that they got away with pointing out how private businesses running national healthcare is a bad thing on American television. Saying privatization is bad is practically against our national religion. Gwen barges to the front of the line and announces to the guy still trying to keep everyone from mutinying that she needs to take her father home. The guy says they're not releasing anybody today. She gets up in his face and demands to know who is in charge. He points her to the administrative department and their complaint forms. She marches past another knot of people inside a bay door and goes right to a police officer. She says she needs to remove one of their patients. It's urgent. He directs her to the "care workers" against a far wall to process her claim. She objects to that wording as they're not talking about a car accident here. Andy, sensing this is going nowhere, tells the officer that they're removing this woman's father under police authority. Officer says yeah, well...they don't answer to Welsh police. Gwen gives her dad's name again and says he's recovering from a heart attack. Officer says it sounds like he's category 2 then and hands her a folder with literature on the categories, assuring her her dad is safe here. Gwen flips it over and points out the PhiCorp logo on the back. She rants about this country NOT being under marshal law (yet) and her dad is a lawful, taxpaying citizen of it who can GO WHENEVER THE HELL HE WANTS and she is not leaving until he is released. Officer says okay then, I'm sure you'll understand why I have to arrest you now. Rhys jumps in to say that won't be necessary and try to drag Gwen away. She refuses to move. The officer says they will eventually have this facility open to everyone and running smoothly, but for now they have all sorts of diseases running rampant and they're rolling out this category system so...they're not letting anybody in or out for the time being and they will let her know when the situation changes. So Gwen marches back out, Rhys and Andy trailing her, grumbling about how she has fought aliens and monsters and sex demons only to be stopped by red tape. Rhys assures her they'll find another way in. She says yeah, they're going to break in and get her father out. Tonight. Back on Venice Beach, Jack meets Esther. For some reason. "Do you think I'm useless?" she blurts out. Chrissy: Yes. Jack says nah, she's just new to all of this. She points out that she's CIA. He says so is Rex and he's just faking it. Chrissy: Jack being the expert on faking it. Diandra: Hey! Jack says in times like this, the winner is the one with the loudest voice. Chrissy: And I have the best loud voice. The greatest. Tremendous. You've never heard a louder voice. Diandra: If you don't stop this right now, I will hurt you. Chrissy: [drinks and feigns innocence] Jack says it's all an act because basically everybody just wants their mommy right now. Awkward segue is obvious. Esther says she lost her mom back in 2003. "What about you?" Chrissy: About a half a million years in the future, but technically I was in 1872 at the time. Diandra: Look at you, getting the hang of this crazy ass show. Chrissy: Yeah. Just in time for the series to end. Actually, he just says it was a long time ago and "far, far away". Chrissy: In another galaxy, even. Diandra: [high fives Chrissy] Esther asks where Jack is from. Jack is saved from coming up with an answer when Rex buzzes both their phones at the same time. They get back to where the new hub apparently is just as Rex is helping Juarez and her luggage out of a taxi. Rex introduces her to Jack, but they've obviously already met earlier this season, which Jack notes. "We keep meeting. It's like destiny!" Chrissy: What was it the Doctor was saying? Stop it? Diandra: Well, he didn't say Captain Jack Harkness this time, so maybe he's not actually flirting? Chrissy: When has he ever missed an opportunity to flirt with an organic life form? Diandra: Maybe mortality has changed him? Chrissy: Was he less of a manwhore back before he became immortal? Diandra: No. Never mind. Rex grumbles that he calls himself "Captain Jack", but whatever. He's weird. Then he notes that Juarez and Esther have already met before too. Juarez says Esther can call her Vera. Vera says she had a hard time getting a flight because everybody is coming to LA right now for some sort of Miracle Rally thing. She says her plane was entirely full and the air conditioning wasn't working. Everybody sort of stares awkwardly, so she has to spell it out: she would REALLY like to take a shower right now. Jack blurts that they're a bit short on rooms, but, you know...if she and Rex are sharing..."or is that none of my business? I mean...you're both...didn't you?" Vera says she'll just sleep on the floor. Chrissy: As far from the creepy guy in the ancient coat as possible. Rex sneers at Jack as Vera disappears inside. Jack is like yeah, well, maybe you should be nicer to me then. Vera is unpacking on the desk of what looks like an eye clinic when Rex comes through a beaded curtain behind her. She stiffens and launches into a lecture about how she didn't come here because of HIM. She is WORKING and they are the best bet at resolving this "miracle". Rex says yeah, well...she's in his room. And they start making out. Apparently they won't be going much further than that though, because the beaded curtain is all that separates them from the main room where Jack and Esther are working. Vera comes out to see what they're working on and Esther immediately stiffens. Ah yes. What would an American production be without jealousy and love triangles? Chrissy: A refreshing breath of originality? Diandra: I wasn't actually asking. Jack is checking feeds from every intelligence gathering organization including Wikileaks, which hadn't devolved into Russian propaganda yet. Also, he has Gwen on a video call. She's holding Arwen, who is really far more interested in what is going on on the other side of the "room" than whatever is on the computer screen. Chrissy: Anwen. Diandra: What did I say? Chrissy: Arwen. Diandra: Well, who is Arwen then? Chrissy: A character from "Lord of the Rings". Diandra: Oh. Right. The useless brunette who just sat around in her Elven castle waiting for Viggo Mortenson to come back and marry her. Chrissy: Something like that, sure. Gwen asks if they've heard the latest from France and Germany. They're creating overflow camps too. All of Europe will be close behind. Esther adds that China has balked at the idea. Wait, hold the phone. The country with laws dictating how many children women can...no SHOULD...or shouldn't have with a government that is the best living example of an Orwellian dictatorship rife with human rights abuses is balking at putting people in camps? What sort of weird alternate reality is this? Vera notes that Jack is researching morphic fields. Rex grumbles that he is obsessed with that topic. Vera says she kept hearing it mentioned on her medical panels. Jack gives Rex a "see?" look. Then Jack pulls up a picture of Jilly the Apparently Semi-Reformed SheDevil and Vera yelps that she knows that woman. Are they following her? Rex says no, they're following Oswald. She's just part of the package deal. Vera, acting as surrogate for viewers who have inexplicably only started watching now, asks what Torchwood is, exactly. Jack describes them as "freedom fighters". Vera notes that that's what terrorists call themselves. Rex deflects by saying it doesn't matter because there really isn't a Torchwood anymore. It's just a name now. He thinks of it as a sort of secret code they use to identify each other. She asks if that means SHE is Torchwood now. Jack says yep. Welcome. He prompts Esther with something about figuring out how the categories work. She responds slowly, obviously distracted. Gwen says they've already put the categories into effect on her side of the pond, but she's not totally clear on what they are either. Category one is bad, right? Vera, realizing she's probably the one who will need to explain this, says yes, it means the patient has no brain function. They would, without exception, have been dead under the old rules of existence. Jack points to the odd little diagram with two dots representing categories one and three and a barbell like blob between them with a two on either end and says healthy people are category three. Category two is a messy catch all of everyone who has some sort of illness or injury but is still able to function. Rex notes that he would be category two. But he should have died in his accident, so he WAS category one. Vera notes that that's the problem: life in general doesn't ever fit in neat little categories. Jack says the worst part is that this has given the UN a clear definition of "life", which means there is also a definition for "death". So governments have the power to declare whether people are dead or alive. Rex redirects it back to PhiCorp. What are they getting out of this? Vera, who isn't quite up to speed on PhiCorp, is like 'wait...you think they CAUSED this?' Rex says they had knowledge about it before it happened, but this has to be bigger than them because they're just big pharma. For the idiots in the back, Vera notes that they're looking for whoever is BEHIND PhiCorp. No, they're looking for whoever is letting PhiCorp make a profit off of their disaster, basically, but close enough. Esther notes that whoever THAT is must need these overflow camps for a reason. She rambles about specs and building permits and overlaying documents and finally just projects an image onto the wall of the nearest camp in San Pedro. She overlays an image of the plans that includes a building called "module" that was apparently never built. Gwen pipes up that she heard somebody refer to a "module" today. Rex says it's been masked, like the military does with top secret installations. Esther says yes, so she contacted NORAD and got the untouched pictures. There ARE buildings there. Mostly converted old army units. But anything labeled "module" in the building plans is automatically disappeared so the public doesn't know what's going on there. All the sites she's checked so far have these, including ones in Wales. Vera asks why they would need secret buildings. Rex asks what they're doing with all the bodies of category ones they're collecting. Chrissy: Harvesting their electrical energy to power the Matrix. Diandra: You are just determined to cross this over with something, aren't you? Gwen jumps to the conclusion that Rex thinks they might be dissecting category ones. Vera notes that it's actually called a "vivisection" when the patient is still alive. "My father's in there," Gwen blurts. Yes, we know. Thank you. Vera throws out another idea that they're cultivating diseases to create more demand for their drugs. Category ones would basically be (sort of) living petri dishes. Esther thinks that makes sense given the apparent rush to strip away human rights. There is no more ethical roadblocks to treating humans as guinea pigs. Jack concludes that they need to get into one of those camps and investigate these "modules". Gwen says she's already on that. Rhys has signed up as a driver and she got herself on the medical register, so Nurse Yvonne Pallister is scheduled for a night shift. Esther offers to volunteer at the San Pedro camp as clerical staff. Vera says she could get inside. She is a medical professional, after all. And she could claim she is acting as an inspector with her credentials on the medical panel in DC. Rex doesn't like the idea of her playing field agent in a possibly dangerous situation and says he's "pulling rank". Like you have already done before, you mean? He pointedly unbuttons his shirt to show his wound, which he noted earlier puts him on the border between category one and two. So an ambulance pulls up to the building and Jack runs out to greet the paramedics. He acts all frantic as he babbles that the patient's name is Rex and they thought he would be okay, but he just collapsed. Rex is slumped at the bottom of the staircase and pants about the pain in his chest. He pulls aside his shirt to show the wound, now sans bandage. The paramedic looks at the wound like "aha! Another one!". Jack follows the paramedics as they wheel Rex out to the ambulance, asking where they're taking him. Of course, they're taking him to the overflow camp in San Pedro. Jack asks if he can go with him. Paramedic #1 says visitors aren't allowed, but hands him a paper with a number to call for updates. Rex moans and acts like he's dying. Jack grabs his hand and begs them to take care of this man because he LOVES HIM SO MUCH. Yeah, he's enjoying this a little too much. Rex gives him a look like 'you know I'm going to kill you, right?' and flips him off. Chrissy: Whatever. Totally worth it. Jack goes back inside where Vera is getting ready to leave. She says she called Washington and pulled a few strings so she actually legitimately has "observer" status. Jack protests that they just sent REX in so she wouldn't have to do that. Vera says yeah, well, she's not Torchwood and he's not her boss, so...suck it. Plus, she needs to see it for herself because she was on the panels that were responsible for setting these places up. Esther, also getting ready, says she can help Vera if she runs into trouble. Jack, realizing he's been outnumbered here, flails and says he'll go with them then. He could be Vera's assistant. Esther laughs and reminds him that the assassin said he was connected to all of this. Also, he's a fragile little mortal, so it really would be better if he just let the ladies take care of this one. Chrissy: Yeah. How does it feel to have two thousand years of male privilege suddenly blow up in your face? Diandra: Only two thousand? Chrissy: Well, we can only count recorded history, but I'm sure it's actually a whole lot more, yes. Esther kisses him on the cheek and she and Vera head for the door. "All I get is a kiss," Jack protests. Esther just tells him to be a good boy and not get into trouble because the world is just too DANGEROUS for him. Then she and Vera practically skip out the door. An alert beeps on one of the computers. Jack finds a message that Oswald is expected at the rally in Los Angeles. He opens a video file from a news program discussing it. The reporter - actually a different one now from a generic news network that isn't even close to any real network name - describes the rally as a fundraiser for the overflow camp project. The president will be speaking live via satellite from the Oval Office. He then interviews a starry eyed twit who gushes that she's here to see Oswald because he's SO AMAZING. The reporter asks if the things he was convicted of bother her at all and she just babbles about miracles like WHATEVER, DUDE, HE'S THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS! OBVIOUSLY! Oof. Shoot me. A limo drives up. In the back, Jilly tells Oswald that they have him scheduled to speak fourth, so he's ninety minutes before the President. Because that puts distance between the US government a walking controversy. Chrissy: This obviously being before the government BECAME a controversy. Diandra: Don't remind me. She hands him the first draft of his prepared speech and stresses the word "revelation". Once he says it, the PhiCorp logo will come up behind him. Oswald asks why they wrote a speech for him because he would rather use his own words. Here's a crazy idea: they wrote a speech for you because they were afraid you would try to use your own words. You are not the one in control here, dingus. They're using you to further their agenda. Jilly thinks his efforts to resist are cute and just shoves the speech into his hands before getting out of the car. Oswald gets out and tries to greet the crowd being barely held back nearby. Then one guy yells "you bastard! You killed her!" and they realize the group is not the same adoring fans that reporter was talking to. Oswald is hustled away and Jilly talks to somebody about getting the footage of that. Oswald has become distracted by the idea that 20,000 people have all come to hear him talk. Yes, because it's all about you. Sure. Vera and Esther arrive at the San Pedro camp. Esther reminds Vera that they need to pretend not to know each other. She gets out of the car and goes through a pedestrian line, flashing her ID at a guard and letting him check her purse. Vera does a similar check in the line of vehicles. Rex is taken right into the former army barracks labeled "category one". This seems hasty since he's obviously conscious and functioning. But I can easily believe it because Americans are terrible at exceptions and try to run everything like a business. Especially schools and healthcare facilities. If the paperwork says his injury qualifies him as a category one, then nobody would question it. Chrissy: Are we being too cynical now? I feel like we are. Diandra: I think of it as being realistic. Pharmaceutical companies force clinics to act as little more than pill pushers by encouraging them to just give the patient whatever drug/treatment is convenient. Which is why fucking everybody is on cholesterol medication. And schools just try to program kids to pass to pass standardized tests because No Child Left Behind forces them to. Either way, we treat people like machines instead of, you know, people. Chrissy: I'm so glad you invited me to do these recaps to escape from reality. Diandra: Sorry. A nurse checks Rex's respirations and pulse, except he's not looking for specific numbers on either. Just whether or not there ARE any. Rex is like 'yeah, I'm right here. You can talk to me.' Chrissy: No, I really can't, sir. That's against the rules. Diandra: Here's a paper explaining that you are NOT allowed to talk to medical staff about anything you didn't explicitly make the appointment for. Basically, the doctor will diagnose you before you even walk in the door. The nurse notes that this does make him category TWO, not one, and clips a blue clothespin to his shirt. He moves on to the next patient, notes that she's negative on pulse and respiration and pins a red clothespin to her clothes. The other color is white, incidentally, because of course it is. Rex protests this system and says that woman needs HELP. The nurse is like 'whatever, this is standard triage procedure now.' He says he has fifty more patients to process in the next hour, so DEAL WITH IT. Meanwhile, Esther winds up in an office somewhere else on the grounds. A large black woman glances up at her like 'great. another newbie' and asks what happened to Rosanna. Esther apologizes that she doesn't know because she was called in from the "main office". She introduces herself. The other woman resignedly introduces HERSELF as Rachel. Clearly she doesn't expect them to actually need to get to know each other. Esther says she's supposed to copy stats for the module, but she doesn't know her way around the system yet, so could Rachel help a sister out a little? Rachel notes that that is above her pay grade and directs Esther to "Maloney". Maloney is a total Hey It's That Guy. He comes out of his office at that moment to greet Juarez as she is escorted in. He gives her a big phoney smile and welcomes her to Medical Lot 338, makes what might possibly be a racist joke about her ability to handle the heat of the facility and asks if the doctor is on HIS way. Because he's also sexist. Oh joy. Vera says yeah, um...I'M the doctor, asshole. Asshole laughs and acts awkward and makes offensive comments about what he did to deserve them sending such a beautiful piece of eye candy. Vera is like yeah, so apparently it's up to me to be the professional here, so can you just show me the module and maybe get out of my way? Asshole's smile falters and he says the module is closed. Being from Washington, she should know that. Vera says yeah, well, her inspection orders mentioned it specifically. Asshole kind of deflects, gives her a half ass Nazi salute and asks Rachel to have a cart sent around for him. To further reinforce his sexist ways, he calls her "honey". Then he notes how skinny Vera is, theorizing that she would "snap easily". She grinds her teeth and says yes, she's getting there, actually. Chrissy: You know, I could totally castrate you right now and you wouldn't bleed out, right? Diandra: And this is why I love you. Vera glances at Esther on her way out. Esther pretends not to notice. She's busy reclassifying Rex's record so he's recognized as a category one. She still puts herself as his emergency contact. In Wales, Rhys and Gwen arrive at the Cowbridge facility and Rhys hands the fake IDs to the guard. Actually, his is real. It's just hers that isn't. "Just like the old days," he mutters to Gwen. She grumbles that it's WORSE, actually, and getting worse by the day. They are waved in and Rhys drops Gwen by the gate she went through the other day before driving off. Esther goes out to the triage tents to find Rex. "Took you long enough," he grumbles. She says yeah, well...suck it up. She notes that Vera is doing an excellent job of keeping the boss distracted. Rex splutters and asks what the HELL she's doing here because he told her to stay away. "Yeah, well guess what, Rex," Esther snaps back. "Not everyone listens to you." Chrissy: Okay, well, now I believe what you said about her dying at the end of this. This show always tries to make me like characters just as it's getting ready to kill them. Diandra: That's not fair. You always liked Tosh and Ianto. Chrissy: Ianto yes. Tosh only after the first season when she grew a spine. Esther switches his chart with a printout of the one she just altered, announcing that as far as anybody is concerned he is now "dead". He asks if she brought the camera. She pulls a bulky thing from somewhere and he hides it under his blanket. He explains the peg system they have here and nods at the row of pins somebody left sitting nearby. She hesitantly reaches for a red pin and clips it to his shirt, pressing the blue one into his hand "just in case". Esther flags down a nurse and tells her they put Rex in the wrong place. She double checked with "the office". They need to move him to the module. At the rally, Jilly finds Oswald in a backstage hall and hands him a coffee. Then she hands him an updated copy of his speech that includes crap about penitence or something. Bullshit. He asks why he doesn't have a dressing room. She says yeah, um...it turns out some of the more famous people already in the dressing rooms don't want a child rapist anywhere near them. He snaps that her JOB is to represent HIM and she should get him a room. Um...no. Her job is to act as your wrangler and keep PhiCorp happy. She fake smiles and says he should really watch that temper. Then she takes a call and stomps off ranting about some little bastard trying to charge her and swearing to sic Ioannidis on him. Oswald is distracted by Jack suddenly showing up at the end of the hall like some sort of avenging angel. Chrissy: Castiel! Diandra: Um...who? Chrissy: You are a terrible fangirl. Jack leads him through a couple hallways and Oswald follows until he just loses him. Rex is shoved in a van with a bunch of other undead corpses to be transported to the module. Asshole and Juarez pull up beside another Hey It's That Guy in military uniform and Asshole honks his horn, which plays "I Wish I Were in Dixie" because the man is a horrible cliche. Military HITG climbs in as Asshole explains he's his personal escort on base. Juarez is distracted as she sees Esther across the way. Asshole starts driving and rambling about how they're hoping to get lots of visits from famous people. Starting with "Hillary". Juarez says Hillary Clinton? Yeah, because a walking example of male chauvinism would be excited about that. Nah. Hillary Duff. Which, once again, dates this show. They arrive at a tent that has a television tuned to the rally and Asshole bemoans the fact that they're missing it. Juarez notes that the first patient whose chart she looks at is being monitored every hour. Asshole says yes, their goal is efficiency. Specifically, watching declining patients very carefully so they can move them to category one quickly before they waste any precious resources on them. Juarez is like 'yeah, you should worry less about efficiency and more about, you know, taking care of people'. Chrissy: Pfffffffttttttt. Since when do we care about that? Asshole defensively notes that everyone is getting "sufficient" care. Juarez says category one is the new equivalent of "dead", right? So they're not just changing their status. They're declaring them dead. Asshole points out that they have new triage regulations about treating the patients who CAN recover first. Juarez is like yeah, I put those in place, bitch, and I'm really regretting it now because they were only supposed to be used in emergency situations. Asshole says everything is basically an emergency now. They have no rooms anymore. He offers to show her the kitchens and walks away before she can protest any further. Cowbridge. Gwen marches through the facility until she finds her father. Actually, he finds her because he's entirely conscious and recognizes her as she's storming past. She squats beside him and they have a little reunion before he notices she's dressed kind of strangely. She laughs and says it's good to see him because "they" wouldn't let them in. But it's okay because she came to get him out. Rhys trails in and announces that he has the lorry ready and helps Gwen get her dad up. Dad asks where they're going. Gwen says it isn't safe here, so she's taking him home. He's baffled by her wording. Safe? Why? From who? She reminds him of all the things she used to investigate with Torchwood and says she can't explain now but this is one of them. Uh-huh. It's a lot more complicated than that, but whatever. They get him out to the truck before he starts groaning and looking like he's having another heart attack. He falls to the ground just beside the truck and Gwen has to call for help. Rex is deposited inside the "module", which turns out to basically be a warehouse. They slam the door and the whole thing goes dark because why do dead people need lights? Rex turns on his camera, the light illuminating the rows of glorified shelves with bodies on them. He waves the camera around to capture all the bodies nearby, then notes aloud that the wall he's next to is cold and he thinks this might be some sort of refrigeration unit. He gets up close to one of the bodies and notes that they all have some sort of injury, so it's difficult to tell if they're being "experimented on". Also, despite the temperature, the bodies are still warm. He announces he's going to go outside and see what's around the building. Meanwhile, Juarez jumps out of the golf cart as Asshole is driving by a building, announcing that she wants to see inside. He chases after her, yelping that it's just storage and there's nothing for her to see. She points out how annoying it is that he keeps trying to prevent her from doing her JOB. And, of course, once they're inside and she realizes they are "storing" bodies she flips out. He gives the same story she's heard before: they don't have space or staff or supplies and this is TEMPORARY. Juarez asks what differentiates these people from the others. Asshole says they don't have insurance. Chrissy: I don't understand! I voted to repeal Obamacare, not the Affordable Care Act! Diandra: *headdesk* Juarez asks where the nurses are and who is taking care of these people. She approaches one woman and asks how long she's been here. The woman - who looks like death warmed over - says since yesterday. "They said we had to wait." Asshole starts making excuses that they're still working the bugs out and these people are "pending" and ten days ago this was NOT EVEN CLOSE to his job. A man with an ugly wound on his shoulder grabs her sleeve and begs her to help him. She yells at Asshole that the man has a red peg attached to his gown despite the fact that he is clearly conscious. Asshole shrugs like 'so we made a mistake. Sue us.' Chrissy: Um. Yeah. Where ARE the lawyers? I'd think they would be having a field day here. Juarez screams at him about what happens when somebody is categorized as a one and how this is not a minor slip up. Asshole tries to drag her out of the building before she disturbs the patients. She calmly asks what else he's hiding from her. She marches into a backroom where somebody seems to have piled all the soiled bedsheets. Asshole follows, barking that America is in CRISIS right now and he thinks he's doing a pretty good job with this shitty situation because he's running the place under budget. She yelps that his concern is the money he's spending. Um...yeah. This is surprising? Juarez rightly notes that this is why a system like this never works: it is always handed over to men like him who only care about the bottom line. DING DING. Congratulations. You have summarized everything that is wrong with America. Good job, writers. She vows to have him prosecuted for failing at the "first do no harm" part of medical care. Then she pushes too far and calls him a "stupid little man" and a "limp-dick little coward". The military HITG, who has been hovering for the last couple minutes, begs them to both cool off a little. The limp-dick responds by shoving both of them and then grabbing military guy's gun and shooting Juarez in the leg. She screams that he's going away FOREVER now. So he shoots her again. Military guy begs him to stop this and Juarez begs him to call for help. Asshole starts banging a nearby door in a retroactive effort to cover the noise of the gunshots. Then we cut to him and Military guy driving her out to the module. Military guy protests that she's still conscious. Asshole tells him to shut up and remember he is an accomplice here. They drop her on the floor of the container. Asshole tells Military guy to drive back and pretend he didn't see anything. Asshole will follow later. Military guy begs him to rethink this because this is MURDER. Asshole says no, see, there's NO SUCH THING ANYMORE. Chrissy: So when you said Esther would be the one to die...is that because you also thought she was the one sleeping with Rex? Diandra: Um...no, I think she still dies, but I forgot Juarez died too. Chrissy: You know, you're the perfect friend to have if you want to remain spoiler free watching stuff you've already seen because half of what happens you forget immediately and the other half you get completely wrong so I have no idea what to expect at any given time. Diandra: ...you're welcome? And we're at the rally, which for some reason looks like a big multi-star rock concert. Jilly finds Oswald backstage and tells him he's on in five minutes and they've cut his speaking time down to ninety seconds. Also, there's ANOTHER draft of the speech, but the key word is still REVELATION and PhiCorp really wants to be sure he remembers to say that. He looks at her like 'you know, that one murder I committed was totally opportunistic, but I'm starting to think I might go serial.' Some clean cut guy in a suit sidelines her - calling her by name - as she's sashaying away to tell her that she's doing an excellent job. She's like 'yeah, I am, right? Who are you?' He cryptically says this isn't about him because SHE'S the one "being noticed" by the "right people". Because she's all about fame she acts dazzled and gravitates toward the man with an invitation to go talk somewhere. He backs away, says "we'll see" and disappears before she can attempt to bite him and stake her claim or something. Back in Wales, Gwen and Rhys are sitting near the area they just tried to smuggle her dad from and she's bemoaning the fact that he was JUST FINE until she tried to do this. Rhys protests that she didn't CAUSE this. Chrissy: Well, now that you mention it, he wouldn't even have been here if you hadn't handed him over, so this is really your fault, Rhys. She notes that Rhys' phone won't stop buzzing. He says it's his supervisor and he's supposed to be at work. She tells him to go then because they can't afford to get him fired. She'll call him later. He kisses her and runs off. She waits about five seconds, then flags down a nurse to ask what happened to the man who had a heart attack a little while ago. She says he's being reclassified as category one. Gwen protests that he can't possibly be category one. Nurse says he's unconscious and his heart is failing. Gwen protests that that's not category one. Yet. The nurse says it's the doctor's decision and she's very sorry, really. Gwen demands to speak to this doctor. The nurse says she has until tomorrow morning when they HAVE to move her father. She apologizes that those are the rules: all category ones go to the "module". Gwen asks what happens there. Um...isn't that what you were supposed to find out? Nurse says that's above her pay grade and bustles off. Back in LA, Esther gets off the phone and tells poor uncaring Rachel that Asshole's golf cart was just spotted unattended outside West Block. She asks if he's still doing that tour. Rachel says probably not since he called for a car. Esther tries to act casual as she asks what happened to that doctor then. Chrissy: Stress "tries" because I don't think she could be a worse spy if she actually changed her name to "Bristow". Rachel is like 'I really don't give a shit, lady' and continues working on her own thing. Rex reaches the edge of the compound and turns on his camera again, pointing it at a "restricted", "no photography allowed" sign and announcing that he has searched the perimeter and confirmed this area is sealed off. There are three buildings in this "module". He pans around to show the storage units. He points out that they are small so there's no way they could possibly accommodate all the incoming category ones. Oswald finds Jack backstage again. This time Jack just stays put and lets him approach. "I could accuse you of having an obsession with me," Oswald smirks. Chrissy: Eh, maybe back in the 90s, but I got over it. Diandra: You know, I'm right here. You don't have to keep saying the lines you THINK are going through my head right now. Chrissy: Oh, so you're not actually over it? Diandra: Okay, now you're just messing with me. Jack is like ha, cute. So have you considered what's going to happen once your fifteen minutes of fame are over? "Somewhere out there, those men are waiting for you in the dark." Oswald knows that. Jack suggests he change the narrative. Become a hero. Forget the "happy little PhiCorp speech". He hands Oswald a new speech and tells him about PhiCorp being the first to know this would happen and being ready for the Miracle. The proof is in the speech and he thinks the world needs to hear it. Oswald is like wait, so...you're asking for my help here? Jack says he'll take whatever help he can get because he's never dealt with a situation like this. He stresses that if Oswald does this, he could expose PhiCorp on live...everything...and help Jack "change the world". Oswald squints at him and asks what he'd get out of this partnership deal. Jack says he could help him end the miracle so he can die. Because he's cursed with enough intelligence to know exactly what he is and what he's capable of and want to end it. "You help me and I promise I will help you to die." Jilly interrupts, frantic, because he's on in thirty seconds. Jack reminds him to "do the right thing". Jilly is like 'who the fuck are you? what were you just talking about?' Jack suggests she may find out sooner than she thinks. Jilly pulls out her phone and takes a picture of him. Then she chases after Oswald and reminds him to make sure he says "revelation" again. Stick to the script! Oswald gets on stage to mixed cheers and boos. He puts both speeches on the podium and, as the crowd noise sort of dies down, starts babbling about what he wants. Some guy screams "children, you bastard", which launches him into a variation of what Jack said about him being cursed with the knowledge that he can't help that. He drops one of the speeches and fumbles to pick it up while the crowd jeers and laughs. He holds up one of the speeches and says all these "fancy words" are of no use to him. "The truth is, I know what I am. And I know what you are too." He stops babbling as he finds his track and announces that he knows what has happened to the human race because it has happened before. 50,000 years BCE when our ancestors crawled out of the trees and started acting more human than ape-like. Took care of others. Buried dead bodies. Made paintings on cave walls. He starts rambling about love while Jack and Jilly both watch from the sidelines with confused expressions. He declares the Miracle the Next Great Leap Forward, which...um...no. Not if you outstrip resources and kill every living thing on the planet. Jack looks around at the people applauding like 'does anybody know what this guy is talking about?!' Oswald concludes that the first leap was from animal to human (which is still just another type of animal really, but whatever). Basically, he's suggesting the Miracle has forced us into the next stage of evolution. He thinks about it for a moment and dubs this new species branch "angels". "Elevated" and "purified" and granted unending life. The morons in the audience give him a standing ovation. Then he starts pushing his luck by announcing that there are "agents" of the angels who have been planning for this all along. Chrissy: Please don't make us crush you in a car too. We can only hide so many bodies. Then he finishes with "this is my revelation" and the PhiCorp logo projects behind him and Jilly probably pees her panties in her excitement. He basks in the cheers and chanting of his name. Module. Vera Juarez is coming around on the floor. Just in time for Asshole to flip a bunch of buttons and switches locking it down. Rex, still filming outside, sees the locks engage and a red light turn on above the door. He goes to look through the window and sees Vera sitting up and crying. Her phone rings as Esther tries to reach her at that exact moment. Gwen calls Rhys, who says he's on his way back from taking people to the "burn center". Which, in case you were wondering why we cut away to this at such a weird moment, is what they call the module. Flames start shooting from the sides of the giant oven Vera is locked in. Because of course the people rounding up people to put in concentration camps would have giant ovens to dispose of bodies. Chrissy: I'm really regretting agreeing to help you recap this show. Diandra: Again, I'm really sorry. Rex screams her name. When she stops screaming back he looks away, then picks up the camera and aims it through the window, disgusted. Gwen has come to this conclusion herself. They have built ovens all over the world to deal with all the people who should have been dead. "They're burning them alive." Chrissy: So I'm just wondering. At what point when you decided to recap a show that ends with people being put into concentration camps and then thrown in ovens when they "die" did you think "I know! I'll get my Jewish friend to help me with this!" Diandra: I am so sorry. Chrissy: Eh. You were right when you said it's therapeutic to watch the bad guys lose in the fictional world. Especially when they're gaining followers in the real world. Diandra: Yeah. Also, I didn't remember how heavily they leaned on the Nazi allusions until just recently. Chrissy: Okay, you really need to see a doctor about this memory thing.