"Torchwood: Miracle Day, episode 6: The Middle Men"

Starring: John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Mekhi Phifer, Alexa 
Havins, Bill Pullman



In the intro for this episode, John makes a bad joke about 
Gwen's dad possibly getting "burned" and Russell apologizes for 
how "gruesome" and cringeworthy parts of this episode will get. 
Yeah. I'm a veteran of "The Walking Dead" pal. You can TRY to 
squick me out.
   Chrissy: Ugh. Don't remind me. I still have occasional 
   PTSD.
Russell also openly calls them concentration camps and the 
Torchwood team "freedom fighters". So it's not just us, at 
least.

We open at PhiCorp headquarters in Los Angeles. Somebody hands 
a folder to ANOTHER Hey It's That Guy, although being from 
"Ghostbusters", this one ranks a name: Ernie Hudson.
   Chrissy: So what are the rules on HiTG status? Doesn't 
    it only apply when you DON'T know the guy's name, but 
    you've seen his face everywhere?
   Diandra: I think of it as a collective term for people 
    who have guest starred on every TV show at some point. 
    So you know their face, but they haven't really played 
    big enough parts for their names to spring instantly to 
    mind. Like, as long as we're talking about "Walking 
    Dead", Robin Lord Taylor before he became the Penguin 
    (and probably after that show is over too). Or Stephen 
    Amell before "Arrow". Or Mahershala Ali before he won 
    an Oscar.
   Chrissy: Or Benedict Cumberbatch before "Sherlock"?
   Diandra: No, that's a different thing. I didn't 
    recognize his face until "Sherlock", just the funny 
    name in the credits of a couple movies. I don't know 
    what to call that.

What were we talking about? Oh. Recap. The woman I assume is 
some sort of secretary says he has an executive board meeting 
at four. She hovers beside his desk after he tries to dismiss 
her, ostensibly so they have an excuse to reveal their names to 
the audience. Her name is Janet, his is Stuart. She asks if 
something is wrong because he seems...not happy. He says 
everything is fine and she really shouldn't call him Stuart in 
the office.
   Chrissy: Establish names? Check. Establish that they are 
   totally having an affair? Check.
She corrects herself to "Mr. Owens", except she says it in an 
even more suggestive tone, which makes it worse. She walks past 
a TV tuned to a news report on the surprising INCREASE in 
suicide rates. A woman being interviewed notes that even though 
suicide is technically impossible, people are just becoming 
more creative in their methods, getting themselves as close to 
death as possible. There's even a new cult that calls itself 
"The 45 Club" that centers on the belief that if one jumps from 
at least 45 stories up they are guaranteed to lose 
consciousness forever. Yes, and force friends and loved ones to 
deal with a mangled, liquefied, but only UNCONSCIOUS body. 
Thanks, asshole.

Stuart, not really paying attention at all, flips through files 
full of maps and blueprints, some of which are marked 
"confidential". He dials someone with an Asian accent who, 
nevertheless, answers in English after the initial "Wai?" 
Stuart gives his name and says the following is to be strictly 
confidential. We switch to the man he's talking to, who is at a 
desk in Shanghai, China as he agrees to the terms. Stuart 
begins that a large area of land near Shanghai was purchased by 
a division of PhiCorp in 1999, but he can't find any records of 
what was done with it. Chinese guy is like 'I don't know. 
PhiCorp built something?' Stuart says there's no record of 
that. Chinese guy asks what this is about anyway. Stuart leans 
back in his chair like 'and there it is' and asks if he really 
needs to know. Chinese guy says it would help. Stuart says he's 
trying to understand this whole Miracle thing and whether 
PhiCorp has anything to do with it. He thinks this particular 
site is the key.
   Chrissy: So he's going to be Torchwood's inside guy, 
    basically.
   Diandra: Probably. I don't know. I don't even remember 
    this character. 
   Chrissy: Dude. I seriously worry about you. 
Chinese guy offers to ask his uncle, who is probably the one 
who gave him this job. "He told me never to question a 
miracle," he adds. "You may not like what you find."
   Chrissy: Oh, that's deep, man. Really deep.
   Diandra: Sarcasm duly noted.

So Chinese guy drives to an area so aggressively Asian looking 
that I would be willing to bet it's Chinatown, L.A. and sneaks 
past some guards. He shoots out a lock on a chain link fence 
and disappears behind it. 

Some hours later, Stuart calls him back to ask if he found 
anything. Chinese guy is on top of a building somewhere. He 
says it was a dead end. There's nothing there. Nothing. Nada. 
DON'T KEEP POKING AROUND, THERE'S NOTHING I TELL YOU. He hangs 
up and jumps off the building. 

Bleeping credits.

And we're back at the San Pedro camp, which the chyron 
redundantly identifies as being in California, USA. I say 
redundantly because there are TWO American flags flapping in 
the background. We get the American version of the video Gwen 
was making last season. "My name is Rex Matheson. I'm with the 
CIA. I'm on an operation inside the San Pedro overflow camp." 
Which...would be news to the CIA. He realizes that and corrects 
himself: he isn't with the CIA or any other government agency. 
"I'm with Torchwood. And we're gonna expose everything that's 
going on here. Everything that I just witnessed." He grunts as 
his chest pain flares up again (funny how keen a dramatic sense 
his wound has) and puts the camera down to take some 
painkillers. He pauses to look at Vera's name on the pill 
bottle. He picks up the camera again and starts talking about 
category one being the key term. "Don't ever let them call you 
that. The minute you hear category one, you better get the hell 
out of Dodge because they are going to burn you."
   Chrissy: Um...problem being that unless they are 
    mislabeled they shouldn't be able to hear it because 
    they are vegetables.
   Diandra: Shhh...no thinking. Drink your beer.

Rex leans heavily on the holocaust allusions by saying 
everybody knows how this works. First they come for the 
category ones. Then they come for the convicted felons and 
illegal immigrants and whoever else we don't like at the moment 
like, say...Muslims. Because sickness is inevitable, so 
basically they will eventually adopt the philosophy of the 
worst animal shelters and put down anyone who has the sniffles 
to make room.
   Chrissy: Also, Soylent Green is people. 
   Diandra: Yeah, I...don't think they're quite there yet.
He finishes with a vow to find the bastard who killed Vera 
Juarez and "burn" him.

Meanwhile, Esther, hopelessly out of the loop, is still trying 
to call Vera from Asshole...okay, I guess I need to start 
calling him by name again...Maloney's office. Rachel notes that 
that buzzing sound in the background signals the end of their 
shift and they can go home now. Esther is like yeah, 
um...okay...right behind you. Rachel says she'd better be 
because they don't pay overtime here. Also, she should make 
sure she gets paid in cash. She talks about having $2,000 in a 
"savings expedition" that she supposedly can't withdraw because 
of some bullshit thing having to do with it being a "national 
emergency". Esther is distracted by Maloney pulling up in his 
golf cart as they're walking out of the building. She gives 
Rachel an excuse about forgetting her cell phone and slinks 
away. 

Maloney enters his office, where Military HiTG is waiting to 
find out what happened to Vera. Maloney says she isn't a 
problem anymore. Military HiTG babbles that he scrubbed his 
hands totally raw, but all those CSI shows suggest it's still 
possible to find the tiniest flakes of evidence that he missed. 
   Chrissy: Yeah, they also suggest that it's possible to 
    positively ID somebody from a few pixels in the corner 
    of an image taken from a screen shot of surveillance 
    camera footage.
   Diandra: And those few pixels are a tiny mirror/plate 
    glass window reflection of the killer. And he probably 
    had dirt on his shoes that you can only find at one 
    specific park in the tri-county area.
   Chrissy: Why do we watch these stupid shows?
   Diandra: You mean us specifically or Americans in 
    general?
   Chrissy: Us, obviously. Americans in general watch a 
    whole lot of shows that are MUCH dumber.
Maloney says this is why he keeps a fresh shirt in the office. 
Well, actually, he does that in case he has time to work out or 
something, but that never happens, so... He changes shirts as 
he's talking. Military HiTG asks what happens at the Module. 
Maloney babbles that it isn't his FAULT. It's the SYSTEM. It 
was meant to be STORAGE. They're supposed to use it as storage 
until a senator signs some paperwork to give them the official 
go ahead. He wasn't supposed to turn them on yet. 

Esther arrives back at her desk to find a baby faced girl 
sitting in it. She tells her she was asked to stay on for a 
double shift and she can go check with the categorization 
center. The girl stomps off, annoyed at getting the run around. 
Esther grabs a bunch of folders and storms into Maloney's 
office to announce that she just received these new forms and 
she doesn't know what to do with them because she's new. 
Maloney, not recognizing her from earlier because of course he 
doesn't recognize the peons who work just outside his office, 
asks what sort of forms they are. Esther fumbles that they're 
some sort of wage...thing...she's pretty sure they're for him. 
   Chrissy: She's thisclose to me officially renaming her 
   Bristow.
Luckily he's just as incompetent as she is as he sees her 
looking at him fixing his shirt and blurts that he was just 
playing badminton and "sweating profusely". Yeah. Nobody 
actually asked. She says okay, well...uh...she'll just be 
outside if he needs anything because she's his liaison now. He 
says he's good for now and shoos her out.

The second she's out the door, Military HiTG squawks that he 
did NOT agree to this and they MURDERED that woman. Maloney 
gives the excuse that the modules were intended to be used this 
way and therefore use of them is LEGAL.
   Chrissy: I'm just following orders like a good 
    soldier/citizen! Seig heil!
   Diandra: Yeah. People who thought (until recently, 
    presumably) that Americans were above this are 
    seriously deluding themselves. 
   Chrissy: The only people who thought that were Americans 
    themselves. They think Hitler was an obvious monster 
    who talked about killing people right from the start. 

Outside, Esther's efforts to figure out what they're talking 
about are interrupted by some guy complaining about all these 
illegal immigrants working the day shift who can't even spell. 
"This is wrong...this is wrong...this is wrong...it might make 
sense in Mexico, but not here."
   Chrissy: Oh, look, a Trump supporter.
Esther huffs and abandons her spy efforts so she can get away 
from this guy.

Inside, Maloney details a plan to drive Vera's car into town 
and leave it at the big shopping mall. Nobody will notice it in 
the sea of cars that are always in the parking lot there. He 
can catch one of the trucks the company drives past every half 
hour. It will be as if she just went missing and they had 
nothing to do with it. 
   Chrissy: Or like she was authorized to inspect your 
   facility and then disappeared under highly suspicious 
   circumstances. Moron.
He assures Military HiTG that they'll never find her anyway 
because "she's dust". He says they also need to put the 
facility on lockdown, which will make sure every staff person 
is logged which will give them an alibi somehow. 

Outside, Rex notes that a bunch of military guys are moving 
toward the gate. He informs whoever he thinks is going to be 
watching this home movie he's making that "something" is going 
on.

Alarms start going off inside and Esther watches cluelessly as 
people start moving around. Maloney comes out to announce that 
they are officially in lockdown mode and this is just a drill 
but nobody is leaving until further notice.

Outside, Rex sees a similar reaction. Military guys herding 
people and locking the gates. But he vows he WILL find a way to 
get the evidence on this camera out.

Esther is still trying to call Vera. Maloney yells at her 
because as long as they're in lockdown mode nobody is 
authorized to make outside calls unless he authorizes them. 
Esther switches tactics and asks if they shouldn't escort 
observers out then. What happened to that one woman who was 
sent here from Washington? "She left," he snaps quickly. 
   Chrissy: GODDAMN IT DON'T MAKE ME KILL AGAIN.
Instead of just leaving it there, which would have been more 
believable, he adds that she said he was doing a great job 
here. Yep. Running an excellent command. 
   Chrissy: Also, she said I have an excellent head of hair 
    and am a fantastic lover.
   Diandra: I would have gone with "I have an enormous 
    dick", but I guess that's just as unlikely.

Back in Cowbridge, everybody is still ignoring the fact that 
Gwen is running around with a nurses smock on even though she's 
not actually working. She marches up to a Doctor Alicia Patel 
(because of course, the Indian doctor is named Patel) and 
demands she change her dad's paperwork. Patel sighs and skims 
the chart as Gwen rambles that she swears her dad's condition 
isn't THAT serious. He's just unconscious! Dr. Patel admits 
there's a fine line between categories one and two and she's 
following the guidelines the government gave her. Gwen points 
out that she's the one who labeled him in the first place and 
asks if she could take another look. Patel says if she did that 
for Gwen, she'd have to do it for everyone and she DOESN'T HAVE 
TIME FOR ALL THESE PEOPLE. Gwen says she understands and starts 
groveling. Please? Pretty please? They're taking him out to the 
woods to be shot at dawn. Patel says that's "not her 
department". Gwen asks if she even knows what her department 
IS. "Do you know what happens here? Do you know what happens in 
the module?" Patel tries to go about her business and ignore 
Gwen. Gwen is like 'they BURN people! Cremate them while 
they're still alive! This place is institutional murder!' Patel 
finally snaps at her that SHE isn't the one making the rules 
here. Those people are DEAD. That's the law now and they're 
doing it for the sake of public health. Gwen makes snide 
comments about Patel being able to sleep at night because hey, 
at least she has the law on her side. But she doesn't have to 
actually throw the switch to incinerate people. She just hides 
here behind her little clipboard. Gwen keeps ranting about how 
she can just stand by and watch while a concentration camp is 
built IN ENGLAND in the 21st FUCKING CENTURY. Patel finally 
snaps that the entire healthcare system is on the brink of 
collapse. What is she supposed to do? "You say no," Gwen 
snarls. Easy for you to say from that high horse you're on. She 
continues to chastise Patel for actually telling her she's just 
"obeying orders" like a good little Nazi. She tells Patel she 
can no longer call herself a doctor and she should be ASHAMED. 
Then she storms off.

Yeah, um...yeah. Apparently the British like to pretend they're 
above fascist bullshit too. Or they did until this past year or 
so.

So sometime later, Gwen meets up with Rhys outside. He's 
freaking out over the fact that he was delivering people right 
to the crematoriums. Gwen assures him he couldn't possibly have 
known what was happening. He was just doing his JOB. Oh, so you 
ARE capable of recognizing that? Or is it only okay for family 
members because this is literally the opposite of what you said 
in the last scene.
   Chrissy: I mean, how were we supposed to know they 
    weren't just sending them to Russia or Poland or a 
    facility on an island somewhere run by Nucky and Ned 
    Stark?
   Diandra: ...........
   Chrissy: You have no clue what that last reference was, 
    do you?
   Diandra: I mean...I'm guessing you're talking about "The 
    Island", but who the hell is Nucky? You couldn't have 
    just said "with young Obi-Wan and Black Widow"?
   Chrissy: Sigh. Never mind. We get it. You're a selective 
    nerd.
Rhys says yeah, well, it isn't his job anymore. He quits. Gwen 
says he can't yet. Not until he helps her get her dad out. Rhys 
says they can't because the compound is closed for the night 
and not accepting transfer orders until six. Gwen wails that 
that's when they're taking her father to the oven and she needs 
Rhys to do SOMETHING. Anything. Steal some keys. Steal a lorry. 
They make plans to kidnap her dad in the one hour window 
between the nurses changing shift and that six a.m. deadline. 

And then we're with Janet the secretary Stuart is totally 
fucking. She is sitting at a bar. She gets a text on her phone 
asking what she's drinking. She's like 'and who the hell is 
this?' The guy next to her moves, revealing Jack, who calls her 
by name and admits that she doesn't know him. Yet. Instead of 
threatening to call the cops, she just asks if he works at 
PhiCorp. He orders another of whatever she's having from the 
bartender and starts running down her bio. Full name, parents' 
names, age, height, weight, college degree, zodiac sign, 
favorite Beatle, etc. And yes, she works in administration at 
PhiCorp industries. Janet is like 'okay, so who do I call to 
report finding the creepy stalker probably terrorizing women in 
the tricounty area?' She says she's flattered, really, but 
she's meeting somebody. Jack says yeah, after he's finished 
having dinner with his wife. Because she's totally meeting with 
Stuart and Esther has probably hacked into their emails to find 
the record of their affair. Janet gives him a dirty look and 
asks what he wants. Jack says he needs her help. He gives her a 
vague explanation about PhiCorp doing some "bad things" that 
his people are investigating and he needs her help figuring out 
who is behind those bad things. Janet says she doesn't want to 
do anything that will hurt her boss. Jack thinks that's sweet, 
but doubts Stuart would be so kind to her. He forwards her some 
emails Stuart sent to PhiCorp HR requesting she be transferred 
to Cincinnati. 
   Chrissy: NO! NOT OHIO! ANYWHERE BUT THERE!
   Diandra: Yeah, there's a running joke that there's a 
    reason why so many astronauts come out of Ohio. There's 
    just something about it that makes people want to leave 
    the planet.
   Chrissy: Yeah. I can see it.

Janet reads the email and fumes. Trap successfully baited, Jack 
tells her he could sit here and drink with her and bitch about 
men or they could do something. She gives Jack a look and we 
cut away.

Jack walks into a restaurant somewhere and the host compliments 
his "vintage" coat as he helps him out of it. Jack looks him up 
and down and suggests the three of them have a drink sometime. 
Then he slaps the guy's ass. You know, just once they should 
have the guy he hits on be like "I'm MARRIED, sir, and contrary 
to popular belief us gay guys actually do have respect for 
monogamous relationships."

It turns out this is the restaurant where Stuart is having 
dinner with his wife. He crashes their table as Stuart is 
debating ordering a salad. Jack suggests he order a steak, a 
bourbon and a pack of cigarettes because thanks to PhiCorp 
they're all going to live forever and who the hell cares 
anymore? Stuart is like 'and you are?' Jack identifies him as 
Stuart Owens, the COO of PhiCorp. He says he's a friend of 
Janet's. He just met her at the bar Stuart was planning on 
going to after dinner. "Does your wife know," Jack stage 
whispers. Going by the look on her face, it's obvious she 
suspected it. She grabs her purse and storms off. Stuart goes 
to follow, but Jack says if he leaves they'll hurt Janet. He 
calls Janet on his cell and hands it over as "proof" that they 
are holding her hostage. From a bathroom somewhere, Janet 
delivers completely flat, unconvincing lines about being tied 
up in a cellar and 'please help me. Oh no. They're hurting me. 
Make them stop.' Luckily, Stuart isn't the brightest bulb. He 
hands the phone back and asks what Jack wants. Jack tells Janet 
"I'll let you know when it's safe to release her." She snarls 
at him to GET the son of a bitch.
   Chrissy: You know, the flat, unconvincing thing might 
    just point to her being a bad actor.
   Diandra: No. Really? On this show?
   Chrissy: Sarcasm duly noted.

Jack and Stuart sit at the table and Jack demands Stuart tell 
him the truth about PhiCorp and the Miracle. How? Why? How do 
they reverse it? Stuart asks how the hell HE would know that. 
Jack blathers about how PhiCorp knew ahead of time this would 
happen - they had warehouses full of painkillers ready and 
waiting. Being so high up the ladder at the company, he must 
have known what was going on. Stuart asks his name and if he's 
with the military when he introduces himself as "Captain". Jack 
says he's "freelance" and currently representing the people 
trying to stop PhiCorp. Stuart realizes they were responsible 
for the security breach on the 33rd floor. He says HE'S not the 
one they're looking for. He's been trying to hunt down the same 
answers, actually. "I'm not a bad man, Captain. I'm not a good 
one either. I'm a middleman in every sense of the word. And 
faced with the thought of being who I am for God knows how 
long...I'm just as keen as you to find out exactly what's going 
on." He says he's especially concerned about the fact that the 
stock market is threatening to collapse, taking his security 
net with it. Jack just stares and Stuart concludes that he 
doesn't believe him. "You think I'm the devil in a three piece 
suit." Actually, I think he already met the devil and she was 
wearing stilettos. Stuart bemoans Jack's simplistic view of the 
world. "You have a rather archaic view of good versus evil, 
don't you?" Jack stubbornly asks who is behind the Miracle 
again. Stuart repeats that he's been TRYING to find that out 
himself. He's sent agents all over the world to investigate, in 
fact. This was how he "came face to face with the true face of 
evil." Jack realizes he's talking about the "system". Stuart 
says schemes and conspiracies point to patterns and shifts in 
behavior that are either too small or too large to really 
register.  "Someone is playing the system, right across Planet 
Earth." PhiCorp isn't controlling it. They're just profiting 
from it. Whatever is going on is much bigger than any of them. 

Jack asks how he can be part of it and not know what's going 
on. Jack? Honey? Look up the definition of "middlemen". Stuart 
points out that Jack has probably not found an official memo 
yet authorizing the stockpiling of those warehouses full of 
drugs, dated the day before the Miracle. That's because it 
began five years ago with small increases in production in 
random factories all over the world based on "market share 
projections". He asks which warehouse Jack found. Jack 
identifies the one in DC. Stuart guesses that to form a stock 
like that they must have been stockpiling for a year from five 
different hauling companies outsourcing to seven or more 
independent suppliers. Jack concludes that "everyone" and "no 
one" would be suspect then. Stuart shrugs and says whoever is 
behind this whole thing is very good at hiding themselves. He 
and Jack certainly wouldn't be able to figure out who they are. 
But in order to coordinate a plan on this massive of a scale, 
manipulating countries and corporations alike, they had to have 
been planning this for a LONG time. Jack sighs and says 
somebody told him the Miracle had something to do with 
geography. Does he know anything about that? The only thing 
Stuart's operatives found is a word that dates back to the mid-
90s and was somehow "erased". "The Blessing." Jack blinks and 
asks what that means. 
   Chrissy: It's another way of saying "The Miracle", 
   genius.
It came from a document in Italy from a deceased source inside 
the Council of Ministers. All it said was "they have found The 
Blessing."

They are interrupted when some cops show up looking for Stuart. 
Stuart notes that his wife must have called them. Jack 
disappears before they can reach the table.

Back at the San Pedro camp, Rex is still creeping around in the 
dark. He ducks behind a building, takes his bandage off, pins 
his red clip to his lapel and then starts knocking over barrels 
and making a lot of noise. By the time a guard/soldier comes 
around to see what's going on, he's slumped against the barrels 
looking dead. The guard grumbles about a category one being out 
here as he bends over Rex. Rex opens his eyes, says "sorry" and 
knocks the guy out. The radio on the guard's belt crackles and 
another guard asks if "Billy" reads him. Rex picks it up and 
answers, no doubt hoping that the static and bad connection 
will cover the fact that his voice sounds nothing like Billy's. 
He says they have new orders and they are needed out at the 
module. "What about the checkpoint," asks the stupidest guard 
in the world. Rex pauses his search of the unconscious guard 
and splutters that "they" said to just "leave it" because, 
um... "I don't know what they said, I wasn't listening." The 
other guy, who is totally getting fired over this, says yeah, 
that sounds about right. He's on his way.
   Chrissy: Dear lord. No wonder the aliens thought we 
   would be easy to control.

Rex switches clothes with the guard, which somehow always works 
on television or in the movies, and uses his card to get out of 
the camp. He has a half a second of relief at having 
successfully escaped before he runs into a whole group of 
military guys camped by the entrance. One guy asks who the hell 
he is. Whoops.

So Military HiTG goes into Maloney's office to announce that a 
guy with a camera has infiltrated the compound. Maloney 
literally starts chanting "no. Nothing's going wrong. Nothing. 
Nothing." Military HiTG says yeah, um...he wants to talk to 
whoever is in charge. Maloney says no he doesn't. Also, no, no, 
no and no. NOTHING IS WRONG HERE. Finally he gives in and asks 
who the hell the guy is.

For plot convenience, they go outside the office so Esther can 
hear Military HiTG say that he doesn't know what it means, the 
guy just said TORCHWOOD. She runs over to try to get Maloney's 
signature on something and offers to walk with him. He screams 
at her to back off and storms out the door. Esther lamely tries 
to get information from Military HiTG. He just looks at her 
like 'what the hell, lady?' and retreats into Maloney's office. 
THIS IS GOING WELL.
   Chrissy: Well, what did you expect from a bunch of 
   incompetent idiots?
She tries to follow Maloney again and the racist guy reminds 
her that it's a LOCKDOWN and she has to stay at her desk. She 
slinks back to it like the terrible spy she is.

Maloney finds where the military guards have chained Rex to a 
post. He orders them to leave them and does his very best to 
look menacing as he approaches Rex, demanding to know who he 
is. Rex says he already told those other guys: "Rex Matheson. 
Now who the hell are you?" Maloney introduces himself as the 
director of the facility. Rex says oh, so HE'S in charge. He 
invites Maloney to call the police to come arrest him because 
he'll gladly give them a statement about everything that is 
going on here. Maloney splutters and says it's not like this 
whole thing was HIS idea. "We had instructions that got sent 
out nationwide, worldwide. And we had orders from above not to 
say anything. I just did as I was told."
   Chrissy: It's like he's reading from a transcript of the 
   Nuremburg trials.

Rex tries a different tactic. Okay, so he's a "middleman", but 
this whole thing has gotten completely out of hand. He reminds 
Maloney that a woman named Juarez visited the camp today and 
tells him that "somebody" tossed her in one of the ovens. 
Because Rex happened to be somewhere else the entire time 
Maloney was dragging her body in there so he doesn't know he's 
TALKING to that somebody right now.
   Chrissy: More plot convenience.
Rex says Maloney has a chance to be a hero right now. They 
could tell the world what's going on in this facility. And then 
he has to go and remind Maloney that once everything that's 
happening becomes public, the people responsible will be tried 
for crimes against humanity. Maloney, realizing what kind of 
idiot he's dealing with here apparently, muses that it probably 
would be his "duty" to help however he can. Rex nods at his 
camera and says he has all the evidence they need right there.
   Chrissy: [facepalm]
   Diandra: Well, we have, like, four more episodes left. 
    What do you want?
   Chrissy: CIA spies to not act like gullible morons every 
    chance they get?
   Diandra: Pfffffft. Right.

Maloney stares at the camera and mutters that he really 
shouldn't. Rex insists he look at it and see why he needs to 
let him go. Maloney keeps repeating that he shouldn't, because 
denial of everything at all times is his new SOP. Then he picks 
up the camera.

While he's doing that we cut back to Esther, who barges into 
Maloney's office to tell Military HiTG that Maloney just called 
her about that guy claiming to be from Torch...wood? He wanted 
to know if his name is Rex Matheson by any chance? OH MY GOD 
YOU FUCKING MORON.
   Chrissy: That's what I've been saying.
Military HiTG is like um...yeah? Esther says she'll call him 
back then. Oh, what extension was that? Because I'm so terrible 
at this job that I neglected to get the number I'm supposed to 
call my boss at. Military HiTG says he's in the generator room. 
She thanks him perkily and goes to skip out of the building 
again, getting yelled at by the nosy racist AGAIN. This time 
she just ignores him and keeps walking while he yelps that he's 
REPORTING her.
   Chrissy: Nobody likes a tattletale, bagger.

Back in the generator room, Maloney is finishing watching the 
part where the bodies in the oven are overcome with flames. 
He's shaking and crying. Rex softens and apologizes but says he 
needed to see that. "You see why you need to release me, 
right?" He offers to go to the police with him right now. 
Maloney freezes, then he starts mumbling about how he hasn't 
got anything he could...he gets distracted when he sees Rex's 
injury. Rex says it's a long story. Maloney starts muttering 
about finding something he can USE and he's never been very 
practical and he can't THINK. Rex, beginning to get nervous, is 
like okay, so...want to untie me now, crazy man? Maloney takes 
out a ballpoint pen and stares at it before announcing that it 
will "have to do". He drives the pen into Rex's wound, 
flinching as Rex screams. It is only now that Rex realizes it 
was Maloney that killed Juarez. Because he and Esther are the 
worst spies ever hired by the CIA.
   Chrissy: Well...depending on what TV land you're in they 
    are actually very common.
   Diandra: Yes, yes, we know. "Alias".
   Chrissy: Oh, there are more shows than that. For 
    instance, the CTU was always surprised to find a 
    traitor in their ranks even though they KEPT HIRING 
    THEM YEAR AFTER GODDAMN YEAR.

Maloney whimpers that he's sorry and it's been a long day and 
he just wants to go home now and forget that he has become a 
monster. Rex starts pointing out the futility in what he's 
doing right now because Rex CAN'T die and 
EAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH. Esther arrives somewhere outside and 
calls Maloney's name. He drops the bloodied pen and runs from 
the now unconscious Rex. He cuts off Esther and hides his 
blood-stained hand from her as he asks what she wants. Like 
everything else she does, Esther has clearly not thought this 
through, so she kind of fumbles and babbles that there's a very 
important phone call back at the office and she can take over 
here so he can go get it. Maloney asks who the hell is calling 
him. Esther is like um...ah...it's...um...Doctor Juarez. She 
needs to know the population of the camp.
   Chrissy: You know what? It really wouldn't surprise me 
   if she died by the end of this show. Honestly, it's a 
   miracle she's still alive NOW.

Maloney is like oh? You talked to her? When? Esther is clueless 
as ever, which in this instance is probably excusable because 
she hasn't spoken to anyone who could tell her Juarez is dead. 
Rex wakes up in the next room and yells at Esther to run 
because this guy killed Vera. Esther finally shows a glimmer of 
self preservation and starts to run away. Maloney grabs her and 
they grapple. She manages to get a thumb in his eye, bite his 
hand and knee him in the crotch. This last one disables him 
long enough for her to get him in a chokehold, which she 
manages to maintain long enough for him to pass out and/or 
"die".

She's crying and shaking when she finds Rex. She whimpers that 
she just killed Maloney. Rex reassures her that she didn't 
because NOBODY DIES right now, remember? Yeah. She just turned 
him into a vegetable for all of eternity. Much better. He gets 
her to focus and orders her to go back out there and find the 
keys to his restraints in Maloney's pocket. She cries some more 
and whimpers and generally illustrates why the CIA made her a 
desk jockey and not an agent. Then she goes out and skittishly 
approaches Maloney, finding the keys in the first pocket she 
checks. Except it turns out that she's as bad at killing people 
as she is at everything else and he was just pretending to be 
dead. She gets all of one step away from him before he grabs 
her and resumes the fight. This time he gets on top of her and 
chokes her. Before she loses consciousness, Military HiTG shows 
up and shoots him because he has had ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT.
   Chrissy: Oh, look, one of the Americans on this show is 
    displaying some competence.
   Diandra: Huh. Didn't think about it like that. Well, to 
    be fair, the Brits aren't usually much better in this 
    universe.

And we're in Wales again. Rhys steals a truck and has just 
gotten the engine started when Fox Mulder circa 1993 appears 
outside the door. Seriously. Rhys rolls down the window and 
BritMulder asks what the hell he thinks he's doing transferring 
patients in the middle of the night. Rhys says he's just doing 
what he was told: patient transfer at 5am. BritMulder demands 
to know his supervisor's name. Rhys says his name is Jack 
Harkness and he's a captain, so he's probably higher ranking 
and you shouldn't be questioning his orders. BritMulder checks 
his chart, grumbles that there's no "Harkness" anywhere on his 
roster and excuses himself to make some calls. Yeah, you do 
that.

In the facility, Gwen is checking her watch and reassuring her 
unresponsive dad that Rhys will be there ANY minute now or 
there'll be hell to pay.

Back outside, Rhys is actually waiting for BritMulder (who 
really doesn't look like Mulder from any other angle) to come 
back from his phone call. BritMulder snots that all transports 
have been halted until 6am, but Mr. Special here is claiming he 
was given special instructions to start early. Why? Rhys 
hypothesizes that Captain Harkness just really likes him. If 
you know what he means. He winks at BritMulder. Then he says he 
really has to get going because he's late. BritMulder, 
unimpressed, grumbles that he needs to make another call. Rhys 
finally realizes there's no point in waiting for this one guy 
and drives away. Which he should have done the first time, 
really.

In the facility, one of the nurses is complaining that they got 
a whole boatload of category ones from continental Europe and 
they don't know what the hell to do with them and what the hell 
were they thinking sending them here? 
   Chrissy: So we're just giving up on being subtle with 
    our allusions, are we?
   Diandra: Because they've been sooooo subtle up until 
    now?
They're starting to wheel category ones near Gwen's dad away to 
prep for transport. She decides she can't wait any longer and 
starts wheeling her dad in the other direction, down a few 
winding back alleys until she runs into a door. A worker nearby 
sees her struggle to open it and, after a pause where we're 
supposed to expect her to yell for security, helps her open the 
door and waves her through.

Rhys meets her outside and she angrily demands to know where 
he's been.
   Chrissy: Oh, I decided to have a fag first. 
   Diandra: Be glad Esther isn't here right now, or she'd 
    be giggling and making rude comments and then we'd be 
    forced to endure another explanation of the differences 
    between English and American.
No, he tells her about the annoying bureaucrat stopping him. 
She asks why the hell he didn't just run the guy over. Rhys is 
like 'because I'm not a cold blooded murder and didn't realize 
I was married to one until just now.' He says they should move 
fast because the guy is probably behind him somewhere. They get 
her dad into the back of the truck and she instructs Rhys to 
take him home because she has something she has to do here yet 
before she goes back to the US. Rhys is like 'hold the phone, 
you're going BACK again?' She says yes, they need to find out 
what the hell is going on here and how they can fix it.

BritMulder arrives just as Rhys is leaving. He calls ahead to 
try to get security at the gate to stop him. Except this time 
Rhys has decided he isn't stopping for anything and he just 
plows right through the fence while the guards shoot at the 
truck.

Gwen goes into a bathroom and puts the Torchwood spy lenses in 
her eyes, muttering a prayer that somebody is listening.

At NewHub, Jack's search on "The Blessing" (which I imagine is 
generating hella false hits) is interrupted when Gwen appears, 
the mechanical voice of the lip reading software asking if 
anyone is there. He grins and types "you're a sight for sore 
eyes." He asks if she's okay. She tells the mirror she is and 
vows to be there soon to rejoin the fight. But she needs to 
show him something first and she wants him to record it.
   Chrissy: If she reaches for the buttons on her shirt, I 
    quit.
   Diandra: No, I think they finally got over that.

She goes into a storage room somewhere and finds a box 
of...something in little tubes. And then suddenly she's ripping 
away from the compound on a motorcycle she got from who knows 
where. She skids to a stop and asks her rearview mirror if Jack 
is still watching. Jack types that he's opened the radio link. 
She turns to face the facility, announces that the "truth" is 
that they have let the world's governments build concentration 
camps complete with ovens for category ones. And she doesn't 
care if everybody else is willing to go along with it, she 
isn't. She pushes a button and the hangar explodes in a series 
of fireballs. Jack laughs and says "that's my girl." Okay, 
yeah, nice idea in theory and she looks really bad ass and all, 
but...what the hell is she blowing up? Were there people in 
there? Are they sacrificing logic and characterization in the 
service of making some sort of ex-post-facto statement against 
the Nazis?
   Chrissy: Remind me not to watch "Inglorious Basterds" 
    with you.
   Diandra: What? Why?
   Chrissy: Never mind.

Rex and Esther are in a car. Rex announces that the army is 
coming in to shut down the facility. Esther, crying, numbly 
says that that was a government sanctioned facility and they 
HAVE HER NAME because, naturally, she was too stupid to give 
them a fake name when she got herself in there. Rex is like 
yeah, but..."you saved me." Seriously, that's all he's got. 
Esther moans that she always wanted a job like his, but now 
she's like a dog finally learning what a car bumper tastes like 
and it's NOT GOOD. He puts an arm around her, kisses her 
forehead and says it's okay for her to feel like this but it's 
NOT OVER. So he needs her to pull herself together so she can 
get back in the fight with him. She wipes her eyes angrily and 
whimpers that she's ready.

NewHub. Jack is watching a news report from an American outlet 
on the explosion in Wales, showing Gwen's video and rambling 
about "outrage". Esther and Rex are back, watching the report 
with Jack, who announces that they are officially 
"whistleblowers". A couple headlines scroll by about Vera 
Juarez being "executed" and "death camps in the 21st century". 
Rex asks if Jack thinks it's really that easy. He queues up a 
video of either the president or his press secretary saying 
that while there will be an investigation into Vera Juarez's 
death, they will NOT apologize for the category one process. 
They are still in a permanent state of emergency and this is 
their disaster response as sanctioned by congress. He claims we 
would do the same thing in cases of famine or plague. Round up 
people and shove them into crematoriums? Bit extreme, don't you 
think? Oh, and footage shows that many of the camps are still 
running. Rex concludes that the US is doing what it does best. 
Making big speeches about it and chastising others for their 
behavior and not actually doing a goddamn thing about it.
   Chrissy: Turning away those boats from Europe...
Jack muses that Torchwood wasn't designed to fight politicians. 
They need to focus on the bigger picture and find out what this 
"Blessing" is. We focus on a blinking search term of "the 
truth", which I imagine is pulling up all sorts of conspiracy 
bullshit. 
   Chrissy: It's out there, Scully!
   Diandra: Why am I Scully?
   Chrissy: ........seriously? You have to ask?

Gwen lands in Los Angeles and immediately calls Rhys, who 
doesn't answer. She leaves a message asking why he isn't 
picking up his phone and instructing him to call her back. She 
hangs up just as the PA announces a call on the white courtesy 
phone for her. She picks up the courtesy phone and a male voice 
growls "lenses".

So she goes into the bathroom and puts the spy lenses in again. 
"We have your mother," the text at the bottom of the lenses 
says. "We have your husband. We have your child." There's a 
brief pause before the word "child" like maybe they aren't sure 
what Anwen is, exactly because grandma hasn't been allowed to 
dress her in sufficiently girly clothing. 
   Chrissy: Like Kristen Stewart in "Panic Room".
   Diandra: That was Kristen Stewart?
   Chrissy: Exactly.
   Diandra: No, I mean...I remember the gender neutral 
    child Jodi Foster kept saying was her daughter. I'm 
    pretty sure Family Guy did a parody of it with Meg. I 
    just didn't remember who played her. Wow.
Gwen stutters out a "who are you? What do you want?" "Bring us 
Jack," the text says. 

Well then. That'll be an easy choice, I'm sure. What are we 
going to do for the other forty minutes of the next episode?