She Hulk part 2

She Hulk, episodes 5-9

Starring: Tatiana Maslany, Ginger Gonzaga, Jameela Jamil, Steve Coulter, Renee Elise Goldsberry, Josh Segarra

With special guest appearances by: Mark Ruffalo, Tim Roth, Benedict Wong, Mark Linn-Baker, Charlie Cox

And welcome back. If you read my recap of the first half of this series, you may have noticed a change somewhere around the third or fourth episode. Not as fun. Not as defensive. I'm not sure how it read, but this is when I started noticing the weak points I ignored the first time around. This is one of the hazards that comes with recapping. Going through slow enough to pick apart all details exposes a lot of things you didn't see the first time. Now. I'm not saying this show is bad by any means. It isn't. But it has the double whammy of rushed, lower quality special effects and some awkward moments that the fanboys are totally capable of ignoring as long as the focus of the movie is a white male who doesn't directly call them out on their shitty behavior. It's difficult for me to defend it properly when it basically covers the same ground as "Captain Marvel", but does it more overtly with clumsy, uneven execution. But as I noted in the first half, very few of the complaints I see are about legitimate problems and those are pretty well buried under an avalanche of "I am a white male chauvinist and this makes me angry for reasons I can't articulate."

So. I will probably rush through a couple filler episodes, but I'm going to keep making the same argument the guys at Honest Trailers did: it's not the best show, but it isn't BAD. It just gets under the skin of exactly the sort of people you would expect to be angry about its very existence.

Episode 5: Mean, Green, and Straight Poured Into These Jeans

We start with the ad where Titania is claiming first use of "She Hulk". It's a pretty standard (I guess) makeup ad with Titania making duck faces at the camera while the narrator talks about being strong and beautiful. Jen hears it playing on her TV from the kitchen and wanders over, open mouthed like '.........the fuck?'

We speed through her day driving past billboards with Titania's face next to the name she didn't want in the first place and hearing ads on the radio. She crashes on the couch with a bowl of ice cream when her idiot nephew Ched bursts in with a couple boxes, rambling about how much money he's making selling "She Hulk" products that are signed by She Hulk.

Chrissy: In other words, you're the reason I'm being sued. Great.

Anyway, he brought all this shit for her to sign. She says no, absolutely not. He claims he's just "supporting your business venture", because he believes the name on the label means she has something to do with it. Jen has to explain that she doesn't, Titania just decided to take over the name via trademark. Ched shows a flash of some sort of intelligence by mansplaining to Jen that this is how trademark works: ownership goes to whoever gets there first. I say mansplains because he's literally describing copyright law to a lawyer, but he may not realize that's what he's doing because he is a moron. Jen buries her face in a pillow and screams.

So the She Hulk title card is subtitled "by Titania".

Nikki and Jen go to a marketing event for the makeup, which Nikki notes Titania will actually be in attendance personally for because that's what she tweeted to her fans. And she claims she was just following her for reconnaissance now. She hasn't already been one of her millions of followers for months or anything. Jen goes to stand in the line to get in to the venue and Nikki grabs her and drags her inside.

Emilio: I mean...you ARE a Hulk, so it's not like they're likely to stop you.

Jen reads the label on one of the products displayed, described as "snake venom lip plumper." Yeah, that sounds totally not at all dangerous. She hisses at Nikki that the woman is LITERALLY selling snake oil. She marches up to the podium where Titania is signing photos of herself and Titania mockingly calls her "little child" and chastises her for cutting the line. Jen demands that Titania stop all of this immediately, noting the insanity of using HER name to sell her garbage and then suing HER. Titania says it's HER name now, JENNIFER, so deal with it, then goes back to her fawning fans.

Back at the office, Nikki notes that Jen didn't even LIKE the name. Jen says she doesn't, but it's what people insist on calling her. She rambles about the perks of being She Hulk, like having great hair that doesn't obey the normal laws of physics because it's CGI and being able to walk outside while wearing headphones or through a parking garage without making Wolverine claws out of her keys JUST IN CASE.

Chrissy: And you just lost every guy who is blissfully ignorant of the potential daily threats to safety women face.
Diandra: Oh, I know. I'm sure the dickwads who were upset about what they see as "misandry" in this show had no clue what the headphones thing was even about. And I added the thing about the keys because I had the most ridiculous argument with one of their clueless asses on Facebook once about it because he insisted on believing we just need the keys in our hand so we can get in the car faster and hey, he does that too, so what's the problem?
Chrissy: Yeah, like I said...blissful ignorance.
Emilio: AKA White Male Privilege, which they are NEVER aware of.
Diandra: That, yes. If you ever see someone blow right past a cop car at or above the posted speed limit, I guarantee there is a white man behind the wheel. I will grant that I'm probably in the minority of white women here, but I behave exactly as I'm sure most non-whites would. I tap my breaks and check the rear view mirror until I'm SURE the cop isn't following me.
Chrissy: Which would sound paranoid if you hadn't had a cop follow you several miles without realizing it until he found a reason to pull you over.
Diandra: Exactly. And knowing this is a thing with airport security (watched them at JFK once pull over ONLY women traveling alone for over an hour) is what makes me suspect I'm not in THAT much of a minority. There's a reason we are taught to put on our flashers and wait until we are closer to town before pulling over for a cop.

Sorry. That's a rant I was expecting to get into here. Let's move on.

Nikki says so she isn't mad about the name and she's totally over it, right? Jen says yes, she's totally "over it" while absently crushing her entire stapler in her fist.

Pug finds Nikki out at a desk scrolling through Titania's website and says he needs a favor. She says her price is "return favor plus interest." He says he needs someone to wait in a line with him when the new Iron Man themed sneakers go on sale because they are limited to one pair per customer.

Chrissy: Ugh. How many of these people have themed fashion lines now?

She asks why he needs two pairs like someone who has never met a nerd in her life. He's like 'so I can wear one out and still have a spare in pristine condition? Duh?' She says he collects shoes just to look at that he never intends to wear?

Emilio: So you don't know anyone who collects comic books or action figures is what you're saying.

He says he has a few rare, limited editions he got through his "drip broker". And this is where Nikki speaks for me when she asks through snorting laughs your what now? Clearly we are setting up a plot point here, so he elaborates that the guy can find ANYTHING AT ALL fashion related. Nikki's brain kicks into overdrive so hard it practically starts smoking out her ears. She asks if he could find somebody who could do custom clothing for a...very...large...person.

Sometime later, the two of them pull up to the curb outside a cafe that serves boba tea. Pug swears it's actually a front for a guy who makes superhero clothing. He walks up to the Asian guy behind the counter and says Alonzo sent him. The guy starts writing that name down on the order slip and asks what he wants. Pug tries again, stressing the part about his BOY ALONZO and the guy just stares blankly like 'dude...maybe check the address again?' Nikki tells him in Chinese that they aren't cops. The guy is like 'yeah, I don't speak whatever language that is.' He gives up and walks into the back, glaring at them. Nikki is berating herself for offending him when he reappears at the other end of the cafe, pulling aside a curtain. Because that was a test, I guess.

Except he just shows them a storage locker full of merchandise like a guy selling cheap knock off purses on the street corner. Cups, hats, shirts, boxers and replicas of Thor's hammer and Cap's shield. Nikki notes that the shirts say "Avongers". And contain enough weird little differences that he can't get sued for selling knock offs.

And all the color schemes and weapons are wrong. Is that a shovel? Really?

Chrissy: This reminds me of some weird ebay descriptions of Marvel characters I saw once. Like...Wolverine described as a cute cat or something.
Emilio: Deadpool would love that one.
Diandra: He would love to endlessly mock Logan over it.
Emilio: That's what I said.

She notes that there has obviously been a miscommunication here as they aren't looking for bootleg merch. She wants custom clothing for an actual superhuman. Pug, waving the Mjolnir replica around like a kid in a candy store, asks if he knows the guy they are supposed to be talking to. Asian guy says yes, but he's exclusive and would never deign to meet with them. Nikki offers to buy a shirt.

So the next scene has them both wearing the knock off hats and shirts and Pug is holding both the hammer and a shield. They're standing at a door that looks like it's inside a bunker. Nikki presses the intercom button and says she's looking to get some clothing for her "client". A voice asks if she has a referral. Nikki thinks for a few seconds and says Titania. The voice says nice try, but no. Nikki sighs and says her client is an Avenger. The voice says his assistant will set up a consult.

Meanwhile, Jen sits in front of Holliway's desk while he sullenly eats what is either peanuts or pistachios. After making her wait for a long beat, he asks why he passed a billboard on his way in to work advertising "She Hulk booty boost smoothie." Okay, that just sounds terrible. Jen blathers about the media dubbing her and this horrible woman with some sort of other superpowers decided she could copyright it while the FX people strain to animate her face in a way that looks appropriately human and ends up in uncanny valley "Polar Express" territory. He cuts her off, saying he doesn't care. GLK and H made her the face of their superhero division only to be hit with a frivolous lawsuit over it. "No one hires a firm that can't handle its own messes." Jen assures him she'll handle it. He says yeeeeeaaaaaaaah, no, she won't.

Cut to the other Superhuman Division lawyer they introduced a couple episodes ago, Mallory. She says at least Jen had the sense to not try to represent herself in this and she will take the case out of "professional courtesy", but this will only work so long as they are strictly attorney/client and not fellow attorneys at the same firm. Jen agrees to the terms. Mallory asks why Jen didn't trademark her name first. Jen says she didn't even think about it because it's not like any of the guys have had to deal with this shit. She asks if Doctor Strange or Thor had to trademark their names and Mallory is like 'you do realize the first two people you thought of don't have aliases and are just using their actual names?'

Emilio: Are we sure Strange is his real name? It sounds made up.
Diandra: Yes, thank you Peter.

Mallory turns her computer screen to Jen, showing a picture of Titania in a comically large hat, and asks if this is really the person who "legally outmaneuvered you."

Chrissy: You say that like it required some great feat of intelligence.

Mallory says they need to countersue and establish that Jen was using the name She Hulk BEFORE the date on the trademark. They can accuse Titania of using name recognition in a shady ass way for her own profit. But first, Mallory needs her to get a better wardrobe for court because she looks like a football player pleading a DUI. She pulls Nikki into the room to help with that and Nikki says funnily enough, she's already working on it.

But for the first hearing, she's going to have to go as she is. Titania's lawyer tries to get the case dismissed because arguing against the trademark is a waste of time. Mallory rambles about how everyone immediately and unequivocally dubbed Jen She Hulk when she first revealed her superhero form, a name that the public hadn't used before that moment. She enters a bunch of audio and video evidence of this and concludes that Titania is just using Jen's popularity to sell her crap, which by the way has not been approved by the FDA. Titania gets up to rant about her fans raving about her products which she brought samples of to enter into evidence. Her lawyer shrugs like 'yeah, I have no control over her.' The judge snaps at them to stay on track. The lawyer gets up and tries to claim that Jen had no interest in using the name She Hulk until Titania trademarked it for her products. He plays a video of Jen telling reporters that she refuses to answer to the name She Hulk and further insisting she will not accept that name as it is "lazy" and "reductive". Mallory counters with the interview from, like, the next day where Jen admits that whether she likes it or not, that is her name now. Judge asks if there's more than this one instance of her using it. Wasn't the point proving who did it FIRST? Mallory says they can get more.

Back at the superhero costumer bunker. Nikki quickly warns Jen that she told "Luke" he was meeting with one of the Avengers before they enter the room. Luke is unimpressed. With everything. He snots that he's never heard of her and he only has exclusive clients so he can't be bothered with this. Nikki says she WILL be one of the Avengers. Luke reminds her that she said her client WAS one of the Avengers. Nikki bullshits that it just hasn't been announced yet.

Chrissy: Have you seen the last two movies? I don't think anyone is clear on who, exactly, is on the list anymore.
Diandra: I'm going to assume you mean the last two AVENGERS movies and yeah, Steve basically dubbed everybody on that field an Avenger. Which I understand now includes a character from "Ant Man 3" we're retconning in.
Emilio: There were a LOT of people there anyway. You could just lie and say you were. Nobody can prove you weren't.
Diandra: Unless that happened months or years before you gained superpowers, so...yeah.

Nikki says it's just a question of paperwork at this point because her cousin is The Hulk and she's totally going to be famous. Luke sighs heavily and asks what sort of accommodations her clothing will need. Fireproofing? Waterproofing? Lots of places to store weapons? Jen says it's just a business suit. Luke sniffs that he makes everything battle ready. Jen just smiles and says she's a lawyer. Luke laugh/sobs and snaps at them to get out because they're wasting his time. Nikki points out the thing she should have said a few lines ago: that Jen needs a suit capable of adapting to fit both her normal AND Hulk bodies. She prompts Jen to shrink and grow to demonstrate the range and Luke finally looks intrigued. He calls for an assistant to order a ton more stretchy fabric.

They return to the firm to find Mallory meeting with one of her failed dates. The guy who kept looking at her like a psycho who wanted to test the durability of her skin. As they're talking about it at lunch, Jen gets a lightbulb moment, realizing the dating profile and string of dates she had as a result of it should be enough to establish her use of the name. Her face falls mid-sentence as she realizes that in order to win the case she has to trot out all those shitty dates she had as She Hulk to be witnesses.

Mallory pulls up the dating profile app in court, where Jen described herself as "mean green and straight poured into these jeans." Mallory has no problem reading that part with a straight face, but she falters when she gets to the answer for what She Hulk looks for in a partner. "A sturdy back and reinforced king-sized bed."

Chrissy: Well, that wasn't necessarily relevant to this case. That could apply to anyone, although most would find "king-sized" negotiable.
Emilio: [opens mouth]
Diandra: DON'T TAKE THE BAIT. Just walk away.

Jen looks like she might be dying a little inside and glances back at the lineup of witnesses, who wave at her.

They take the stand in the same order they dated her so the audience doesn't get confused. The guy who yelled at the waiter grumbles that she was trying a little TOO hard with the whole 'aren't you impressed I'm the real She Hulk' thing. The screenwriter makes sure to note that he IS a writer as he rolls his eyes that she actually referred to herself as She Hulk in the third person which is SO pretentious. The creep says she admitted to being embarrassed by the name at first before fully embracing it. And then Mallory asks the guy she slept with if he would say they really "connected."

Chrissy: [loud snort] Yeah, she really opened up to him.
Diandra: Ugh. [drops head in hands]

He says yes, it was a great date and she literally battled demons in the middle of it. Mallory asks the question we've already been given his answer to: would he have gone on the date if he knew she was JEN and not SHE HULK? He says honestly? No. She isn't his type. He was drawn to She Hulk, specifically.

The judge rules in favor of Jen and orders Titania to cease and desist immediately. Titania storms out of the courtroom, followed by She Hulk's first date, who is now attempting to pick her up. Jen thanks Mallory as they walk out and Mallory tells her she can "do better. You deserve better." Jen offers to buy her a drink and does so as Jen, swimming in her linebacker suit. Mallory praises her strategy because "I don't know any other lawyer who would humiliate themselves that way to win a case." Jen shrugs that that's why Holliway pays her "the medium bucks". Mallory notes that Holliway has never had to "prove his value to a parade of underwhelming men. You can have literal superpowers and some guy with Internet will still think he can do better." Yeah, she needs to meet Captain Marvel. Jen giddily says she's happy they're friends now so they can have bitch sessions like this and Mallory frowns. Jen starts looking around nervously and asks if she said that out loud. Mallory lets her salvage that moment, thanks her for the drink and notes that she still needs to get better clothes before stalking off. Jen smiles at the camera like she just remembered this unresolved plot point.

She goes back to Luke, who seems to be alone in his shop now. He hands her a suit to try on. She disappears into the changing area and immediately gushes that she loves it. "Of course you do. Because I'm a genius," Luke says. He hands her something "extra" he made and she starts babbling about how she doesn't really need... He prompts her to just say thank you and goes to grab a box from the counter, muttering about how it shouldn't be sitting out like this because client confidentiality yadda yadda. The camera focuses on the contents of the box and whatever fanboys were still hate watching this show at this point got excited. Because it is one of the masks Daredevil wears in the comics, apparently.

We go to the credits while they all rush online to alert every dudebro that their FAVE is going to be on the show so they might actually have a reason to watch the next episode. Except they would find out that the writers have a mean streak and ensured that the next two episodes have 0% Daredevil.

Chrissy: It probably wasn't intentional, but they are always under the impression that they are THE audience for these things, so that's how they would read it anyway.
Diandra: Yeah. Years of being catered to has made them angry at the smallest whiff of somebody else getting more attention now. Anyway.

I'm sure this will be a continuing theme for the next couple episodes at least, so let's just dive right in since there's no mid or post credit scene anyway.

Episode 6: Just Jen

The previouslies suddenly remember the hanging thread about those guys trying to inject Jen or get a blood sample or something and failing because Hulk skin is impenetrable.

So we begin this episode with Jen sitting warily in front of a box covered in flowers and jewels with her name printed on the top. She opens it and it explodes confetti or glitter or both everywhere. Inside is a bunch of party favors and a card that spills even more sparkly crap, formally inviting her to be a bridesmaid at the wedding of someone named Lulu. She grumbles and we cut right to Nikki helping her pack for this wedding of someone we haven't been introduced to yet and gushing about a dress Nick made for her that she can wear to the rehearsal. Apparently Lulu is a friend from high school and Ched the idiot is her DJ, so it's a whole family thing even though Jen in particular hasn't really spoken to her in years. They exposit that Nikki will be working with Mallory while Jen is gone on a "simple divorce case".

Jen turns to the camera and says yes, after teasing the fanboys about Daredevil, this is going to be a self contained wedding episode. Because weddings always happen at inconvenient times, so they picked the worst possible time for it to fall in the season. Pbbbbbbbtttttttt.

Now while I don't have any problems with this episode really, I will probably skim through it faster than previous episodes just because it is mostly filler.

Jen shows up at the wedding in Hulk form wearing the dress she showed Nikki, which is a pretty simple polkadot blue thing. The rest of the wedding party gushes over her while the bride's face twitches like she's seconds from a Bridezilla blow up. She pastes on a smile and asks if she can talk to Jen in private, where she complains that She Hulk is totally going to take the attention away from her at her own wedding and makes Jen promise to come as herself. Jen agrees and Lulu hugs her awkwardly because her face is level with She Hulk's boobs. And as she walks away Jen looks to the audience like 'don't judge me. Of course I did that deliberately.'

If you were wondering why a lawyer in the superhuman division is handling a "simple divorce case", it's because the client claims to be "Mr. Immortal." And neither Mallory nor Nikki questions this right off the bat, so it comes up when he's talking about being so miserable in the marriage that he just walked into traffic one day. Because he's basically a less flamboyant Jack Harkness who sees that temporary death as an easy way of breaking a marriage contract. Or the "most considerate" way. Nikki and Mallory point out that he's not being "considerate", he's just avoiding confrontation. They start arguing about how they could even take this case IF they were to take this case and Mr. Immortal just grabs his hat and jumps out the window. There's a loud crunching sound and then we see him just climb off the car he smashed, pick up his hat and run off.

And now we have a scene that I am probably seeing differently than "normal" people. Lulu offers to "catch up" with Jen and Jen tries to summarize everything that's going on with her job and her new superpowered status and Lulu is like 'yeah, I was asking if you're dating anyone.' Jen says no. Lulu acts like she just said she was diagnosed with cancer. Jen says it's FINE and Lulu condescendingly is like 'that's the spirit! You still have a few years before those eggs dry up!'

Diandra: So as an allosexual...is that supposed to be catty? Like she's rubbing her own relationship in her single friend's face?
Chrissy: Yes.
Emilio: Yes.
Diandra: Okay because I feel like us asexuals are on Jen's side of this sometimes too. It just...doesn't work because we don't feel the same pressure to FIND SOMEBODY NOW.
Chrissy: Doesn't stop people from trying.
Diandra: No. No, it does not.

We are saved from this when Titania arrives. Jen runs over to hiss at her that she can't just show up at her friend's wedding to pull her "crap". Titania is like 'whatEVER, it's not all about you. I'm just dating someone here on the groom's side of the aisle.' She waves at a guy who looks like a comic book fan won a guest spot on a Marvel show in a contest. Lulu skips over to greet Titania and Jen rants that she OBVIOUSLY has just weaseled her way into the wedding to screw with her and she's USING Lulu. Titania and Lulu are like 'way to make it all about you, crazy person.'

Jen stomps out to a patio, where a guy named Josh sidles up to her to talk. Jen asks if he didn't have a plus one option on the invite either. He says no, but he was kind of hoping to "strike up a very normal conversation with a beautiful woman stuffing her face with candied nuts." Because that's exactly what Jen is doing, yes. Lulu interrupts to ask if Jen can help her clean up a bit and Josh can help with something inside because half the staff has quit, citing "how I'm treating them." She actually uses air quotes around that. Yeah. She's in full bridezilla mode.

So the meeting between Mr. Immortal, his lawyers and all of his exes is next. The exes are eight women and one man with such a range of age and ethnicity that he apparently doesn't have a type. Or maybe he is trying to FIND his type. One woman is angry about not getting alimony for her kid. One is angry he racked up credit card debt before "dying". And the guy is mad that he spend ten thousand dollars on a funeral for a guy who turned out to NOT BE DEAD. Mallory asks how they all figured out he was doing this. The youngest white lady says somebody sent her a link to a video on a site called Intelligencia of a guy getting hit by four different cars at an intersection, regenerating and walking away. Mallory hisses at Mr. Immortal that he not only faked his death with all of these partners, he used different fake identities with all of them because they're all calling him by different names. She says he's lucky he's not in prison right now because if she was their lawyer she would recommend they file charges against him. She says as it is, she will get him the best deal possible because that's her job, but he WILL have to pay. He asks why she's smiling about that like a guy who genuinely doesn't understand why his lying player bullshit makes people angry.

Chrissy: Tony Stark didn't have to deal with this shit.
Diandra: Pretty sure he did, but even if he didn't that's mostly because he was written prior to Me Too.

Back at the wedding, Jen, in an ugly pink bridesmaid dress, tries to join the other bridesmaids, only to be told she has to iron all the groomsmen's shirts for some reason. Because I guess she's Cinderella here. And then Lulu arrives with Jen's groomsman counterpart she will have to walk down the aisle. He is a rat terrier in a tiny tux and he is apparently missing some teeth as his tongue is permanently sticking out of the side of his mouth. Lulu says little "Jonathan" is "so brave" because "we just had to resuscitate him this morning." Oof. That poor thing.

Emilio: I feel like if I'd asked you to walk down the aisle with my dog at my wedding, you would have been all over that, sis. Is that an asexual thing or just a love of dogs thing?
Diandra: [cough] Your dog would never make it down the aisle. He'd be too busy trying to play with half the guests and hump the other half.
Chrissy: Way to completely avoid the question there.
Diandra: Sorry what was it? Right. I don't know, I just know if I had a choice between a human and a dog I would choose the dog every time.

Back with Marvel's Jack Harkness. He says he has Apple shares he bought in 1981 and gold left to him by his first wife "Baroness Cromwell" that they can split evenly between the eight of them. One of the black ladies objects to this because she was married to him for nearly two decades while the woman next to him was married for three years. Three Years says she had a KID with the guy. The lady on her other side says 'so we're rewarding your bad decisions?' Everyone starts arguing and Mr. Immortal starts to get up. Mallory clamps a hand on his shoulder like 'not this time, pal.'

Wedding. Jen goes to get a drink at the bar only to find out it's a cash bar. She gives the bartender money for, like, three drinks because HOW ELSE AM I GONNA GET THROUGH THIS NIGHTMARE? And we kind of montage through her doing that a couple more times and dancing drunkenly.

This was mostly to skip past all the negotiating Nikki apparently did to get each of Mr. Immortal's exes whatever they consider fair compensation. Mallory praises her for it.

At the wedding/rehearsal/whatever, Jen leaves Bruce a voicemail whining that she's been trying to get a hold of him for SO LONG and can he call her back already? Josh finds her and they kind of sort of flirt some more until all the alcohol catches up to her and she has to run outside and puke. Titania finds her there, alone, and super punches her the second she stands up. She says yeah, obviously she's not just here for the wedding because she SAID she would get back at Jen for that last episode. She has decided to do that by publicly destroying her. Jen gets up and Titania pushes her down again, then whines that she's not hulking out. Jen thinks she can take her even without her powers, then falls over trying to punch the wrong Titania in her double vision. Titania whines that this isn't fun. She's ruining "everything" and over something she doesn't even want or "deserve". Jen sighs and agrees to hulk out just this one time. She almost does it, growing just enough to ruin her shoes, but staying mostly Jen sized. Then the camera pans away so we can switch directly to her in Hulk form. She stomps Titania into the reception hall and everyone clears the dance floor so they can smack each other around. Titania gets upset when she realizes people are taking pictures and video of her getting beaten up and tries to charge Jen, only to slip on some spilled ice from a waiter who wandered too close and faceplant. This messes up her teeth, so she's especially ugly as she storms away in a fit of anger.

Jen turns to Lulu, who is staring at the mess like '...the fuck?' She apologizes that she couldn't help it because Titania sucker punched her out there. Lulu looks around at everyone waiting for her to respond to this, calculating the best response, and gushes loudly that She Hulk is at her wedding, hugging her. She might be a little drunk too.

Chrissy: I mean...it's a wedding.
Diandra: Yes, you have made your feelings regarding alcohol at weddings clear in the past. My question is: why do we torture ourselves by insisting on these rituals that we can only get through if we consume enough mind altering substances to make it less miserable?
Chrissy: And that is why you aren't giving a speech at my wedding, SHERLOCK.

Back at the office, Mallory and Nikki are watching the video somebody posted to that "Intelligencia" of Mr. Immortal climbing off a wrecked car after one of his suicide jumps. Mallory doesn't get how THAT GUY found eight different people to marry him. "You must not be single in Los Angeles," Nikki retorts. This being a way to slide in some backstory, Mallory says no, she's been married for eleven years. Their anniversary is the day after her son's birthday. Nikki starts to ask questions like 'you have children? Wait...one kid?', but Mallory thinks this is enough for now.

Chrissy: How old is your son? Please don't say eleven.

Nikki goes to click on another video that says "slutty She Hulk" and gets a log in for subscribers to a channel (I think?) by "HulkKing". With an icon of a little green dude wearing a crown.

So Nikki creates an account with the handle "sheHulksux" and we can see the tail end of a bio about "him" being into cryptocurrency and elk hunting and finding women over 30 "gross". Once in, she scrolls down what is probably a typical incel blog ranting about how much he hates She Hulk and she dresses like a man and she should totally die. Nikki starts to pick up her phone to call Jen and Mallory snatches the phone from her, saying Jen is better off not knowing about this. They're just trolls. All disgusting, inflammatory talk desperately seeking attention. Nikki reluctantly agrees, but of course the minute she's alone, she calls Jen and leaves her a long rambling voicemail about it anyway. Which Jen will probably listen to after she finishes the plate of fries she and Josh are digging into. And maybe dragging him into a broom closet or something.

At a lab somewhere, someone gets a message from HulkKing asking if the next phase of the plan is ready yet. Someone sets the syringe with the bent needle next to a case containing a bigger, reinforced needle while ominous music plays us into the credits.

And since there's no mid or post credit scene this time, I guess we won't find out until the next episode if she smashed Josh.

Episode 7: The Retreat

Just in case the dudebros thought the writers just delayed bringing Daredevil in for ONE episode to fuck with them, we're going to do ANOTHER episode that won't mention him at all. Because seriously. Fuck those guys.

Jen gets a text from Josh implying that they are going on a date as she's getting out of the shower. We montage through her day from there, until he picks her up for dinner at a...taco truck? Which is probably way better than a fancy restaurant, so cool. She goes to hug him as he drops her off and then apologetically just shakes his hand. Second date ends with them ALMOST kissing. Third date they go to a drive in movie and when he goes to kiss her at the door, she drags him inside.

He's gone before she wakes the next morning, but she texts him about how "fun" that was while smiling like a doofus.

She still has her phone glued to her hand at work and Nikki asks if she's checking that site. Jen snorts that she doesn't care what a bunch of trolls think of her that they're too chickenshit to say right in front of her because they know they would lose that fight.

Chrissy: And of course this made all the dudebro trolls mad.
Diandra: When are they ever NOT mad?

Jen says she's just waiting for a text from Josh. Nikki says she should wait 12 hours after sleeping with someone for the first time before sending any messages or doing anything that might seem weird or desperate. Maybe. I'm not really sure what she's saying actually. Jen argues that there's no reason to not answer a text. Nikki says there's things like movies, job interviews, funerals...

But then we flash right to the next day and she has obviously still not gotten a response and it's starting to drive her loopy. Her phone finally bleats that night when she's in bed, but we don't see what the text is, so obviously it isn't from him.

Emil's parole officer calls her the next day, which is apparently Sunday and I haven't been noting what days it is according to the chyron so far, so...my bad. It's only relevant now because she notes that a parole officer calling on a Sunday can NEVER be a good thing. He says yeah, he got an alert that Emil's power inhibitor is malfunctioning. They don't know if that means he actually turned into Abomination or not, but he has to go to that Hippie retreat to check it out. And they don't "have the resources" to give him an armed escort, so he needs her. "I figure my chances of staying out of the ICU would be much greater if I had a Hulk there with me."

She still keeps checking her phone repeatedly while driving, which...okay, can you get Wong to arrange a meeting with the guy who is a walking demonstration of why this is a bad idea?

Emilio: The guy who has magic superpowers and a sentient cloak that can make him fly now?
Diandra: ughnf. Right.

She arrives at the retreat just as the parole officer is getting past the gate. He sort of apologizes for dragging her here, but she agrees his lawyer should be there if he violated parole. Then she starts honking her horn and yelling his name and the PO is like 'why are you beckoning a ten foot tall lizard monster?!' He says she should be in her "green suit" already. Or...like...whatever she calls hulking out. Oh, that's it, isn't it?

Inside, the PO verifies that Emil's monitor/inhibitor malfunctioned and Emil snots something about getting a jolt from an electric fence while saving his favorite chicken. PO recalibrates the monitor and tells him to stay away from the fence from now on. He leaves, so fast his tires literally squeal, but Jen stays for a while. Emil asks if she thought he really did violate his parole by turning into Discount Godzilla. Jen thinks he would have to be an idiot to screw up so soon after getting that parole he worked so hard on winning. She starts going to her car, but two guys show up and literally try to kill each other on top of it. One is wearing what looks like a Zorro knock off costume and the other looks like an accidental half breed between a human and a bull. Jen hulks out and breaks it up. Emil says it's okay, they're just...working through stuff in a safe environment. Man Bull (yes, this is apparently his name and yes, he was a lab experiment gone wrong) says "Brother Blonsky" is teaching him how to take responsibility for his anger issues. The other guy introduces himself to her as El Aguila which I had to look up because I have noted before that Spanish was neither of the languages I learned.

Diandra: So is he the Marvel equivalent of Peacemaker?
Emilio: Maybe?
Chrissy: The more I see of these comic book movies, the more convinced I am that Marvel just looked at DCs characters and asked 'how many knock offs can we make out of this one guy?' Which is why Atom Smasher looks like Deadpool stole an Ant Man suit and also maybe was bitten by a radioactive spider.
Emilio: Except it's more the other way around with DC trying to cram as many Marvel characters as they can into one.
Diandra: Right. I think we may be getting confused about what came before what here. My understanding is that DC is older than Marvel, so all the original Marvel characters were rip offs. But now that the Marvel movie franchise is popular, DC are the ones who look like they're stealing no matter which characters came first. Like how the movie version of "The Giver" had to look like a "Hunger Games" ripoff despite being written decades earlier.
Emilio: Correct. And unfortunately the comics are going that way now too. DC has been trying to copy Marvel for the past twenty years.
Diandra: It's all going to be muddled in most fan's minds, which is probably why someone wrote an article about how the movies aren't giving The Wasp as big a role as she has in the comics where she is a founding member of The Avengers. (Psst. That was Janet, who was stuck in the Quantum Realm in the movies. Not Hope.)

Emil says EagleBoy is working on identity issues. Captain Mexico whines that he knows EXACTLY who he is, thank you very much. Jen mutters that she is getting WAY TOO MUCH backstory here and how is she supposed to get home now that her car looks like it's been in a head on collision? Emil is like 'for story purposes, we need you to stay here while your car is getting fixed in this place that doesn't get cell phone reception. Think of it as a vacation.' He gives her a tour that ends on a "sweat lodge" yurt thing with chickens running around in front of it. He offers to leave her to it for twenty minutes. She's like 'um...pass.' She says she really needs to get some work done, so can she get the wifi password? Emil says uh...they don't have wifi because...distractions. Etc. See aforementioned plot device. He suggests she stop fretting about that and go with it. She insists she's going to find the part of the compound where she can get a couple bars. "Clearly you're not in a teachable mood right now," he mutters. He says he respects that and petulantly leaves, throwing a couple pointed glances back at her.

Chrissy: Could probably hulk out and run to the nearest Starbucks. Can't be that far away.

She wanders around for a while, watching for her phone to catch a signal, and finally gets one bar when she steps into a building. Unfortunately, it's a building where Emil, Man Bull, Eagle Boy and a couple other characters we haven't met yet are having a twelve step meeting. Emil introduces them as Porcupine and Saracen (who thinks he's a vampire).

Chrissy: Are we sure he's not?
Emilio: Marvel vampires can't be out in daylight either, unless they are Blade, who is only half vampire. So there's that.
Diandra: But that does raise the question of how you would even recognize psychoses in a universe where all mythical creatures and superhuman abilities are possible. 'He thinks he can fly.' Well...has he tried it?

Emil invites her to join them, but she just wants to take advantage of the fact that this one spot has reception. Emil shrugs and turns back to Eagle Boy, saying they talked last session about his struggles with identity. Eagle Boy complains that he is stereotyped as a matador just because he is Spanish and dresses like...a matador. Porcupine objects to his use of the label "Spanish" because that's a language, not a nationality. Obviously an American and not in the least bit exaggerated. I'm sure the ability to point to Spain on a map would go a long way toward convincing Europeans that I'm actually Canadian. Man Bull says the fact that Eagle Boy LOOKS like a matador is "triggering" for him though and Eagle Boy admits that he did work as a matador once in college.

Emil says they need to work on their codependency. Eagle Boy says they are NOT codependent. Emil is like 'okay, so the fact that you just jumped to answer when I was CLEARLY talking to your boyfriend is...what?' Saracen raises his hand and throws in his two cents that those guys have been spending WAY TOO MUCH TIME together and it doesn't seem healthy.

Chrissy: Not that you would know anything about THAT, would you...Lestat?

Emil turns to Porcupine and reminds everyone about how they previously discussed vulnerability and why he should work on removing that costume he is completely hidden under. There's a long silence before Porcupine says yeah...no.

And then one of the guys who attacked Jen loudly bumbles into the room and Jen jolts to attention, turning to the camera to acknowledge that we might not even remember who that is and why this upsets her. "Tell me they previously on'd him. I don't care. We're doing it again." She calls "previously on this guy" to the area behind the camera in general and we flash back to the attack with him sneering about her "flaunting" her powers. Back in the present, he realizes she is there a second before she Hulks and storms across the room to pick him up by the throat. Emil tries to stop her, but she throws him and snarls that he and his friends attacked her in the alley behind her apartment. Emil orders her to go sit in the "calming chair" and the other guys make noises familiar to everyone who ever got in trouble or knew someone who got in trouble in elementary school. She says sure, as long as she can still rip this guy a new one. Emil says that's not how they work through their issues. Dickhead agrees that he'd love to work through their issues together if she'll please refrain from ripping his head off.

Flash to them all sitting in a circle while the guy talks about realizing that he didn't need a magic crowbar to make him feel more powerful.

Chrissy: [snort] Okay, but can you see now what you felt the desperate need to compensate FOR?
Diandra: Not helpful. True, but not helpful.

He acknowledges how ridiculous it was for him and his "boys" to corner Jen like they were supervillains or something. He says he takes accountability for that now and apologizes. Jen sarcastically notes that he's had a major breakthrough if he's "very sorry" for joining THREE OTHER GUYS in attacking a woman. Eagle Boy mimes texting and suggests Jen is more interested in whatever else she has going on than working on her issues. She says she's FINE. Porcupine points out that throwing people across the room in a rage hardly screams "fine". Emil asks if she wants to share anything with the group. She has her phone back in her hand and barely looks up to say no. He says really, not even about that obvious cell phone addiction?

Jen sighs, puts the phone under her thigh and summarizes the Josh not texting situation. Porcupine asks when she last talked to him. She says three nights ago, when they...

Chrissy: Banged like a screen door in a hurricane.
Diandra: [cough] Yes, thank you, Chris. Can always count on you to make it worse.

Actually, I want to highlight the way this exchange actually goes. Man Bull fills in the end of the sentence with "made love" while making blinky eyes at her. She makes a face, brushes that purple prose bullshit aside with an "ew" and says they slept together. I had a teacher in college who went on a tirade once about the pearl clutching insanity that is describing sex as "making love" and we BETTER NOT use that stupid euphemism around her. She was awesome.

Emilio: What class was this?
Diandra: Sexual Psychology.
Chrissy: That's...that's a thing?
Diandra: Yeah, I remember "Sex and the City" being used a lot for examples, both positive and negative.
Chrissy: Is this...still a thing? Can I audit this class?

Eagle Boy and Man Bull are egging each other on and fist bumping through this whole thing, so Jen snottily asks if they're married or something. Porcupine is like 'right? Codependent!' Emil has Eagle Boy and the vampire switch seats while Porcupine prods Jen for more details. Man Bull asks what her last text said. She reads the one we saw and they all cringe. Then she reads the one she just sent now when she started to worry about the fact that he wasn't responding ("hey, getting a little worried. Just wanna know you're okay [blushing smiley]") and they all groan and laugh. She snaps at them that she has her MOM to give her shit like this. Actual criminal suggests she may have been ghosted.

Chrissy: The good news is, you can totally commiserate with Captain America about this.
Diandra: Ah, yes. That's what I was missing about waiting so long to get to recaps. Thank you.

Lestat says he might just want her blood. Man Bull gives a little insight into his issues by snapping that "not everybody's your dad!"

Diandra: Is...is Blade his dad?
Emilio: Might explain why he would think he's a vampire too.

Actual criminal starts to apologize as they all realize Jen has deflated. She says she met the guy while she was Jen and he LIKED her like that and never even asked about She Hulk. Which is the opposite of the guy before him, not that she points this out right now. Instead she rambles about that one person in high school who is more popular and attractive and better at sports than you and She Hulk is that person. Jen...is not. Everyone always thinks life would be so much easier if they could just be that cool kid, but she gained the ability to turn into the cool kid at will "but it feels like cheating." Because she's not sure if they only like her when she's She Hulk. Which makes the guy who liked Just Jen ghosting her anyway REALLY SUCK. The animal themed weirdoes start making noise about finding this guy and killing him. Emil corrals them. Eagle Boy says no, he's made an enemy of ALL OF THEM now and pulls his sword, which apparently shoots bolts of energy like...you should really lead with that...and shouts "tonight we ride!" Emil chastises him for "using bio-electricity" in the group again and he apologizes. Blakula says they should suck out all his blood. Actual criminal reprimands them all for responding to Jen's problem with violence like...dude. There's no way you've had a total personality change.

Emil decides to try getting control back of the meeting, asking if anyone can "speak to" her pain "using the tools that we've learned in the group". They psychobabble about rejection hurting and not being able to control what others do and maybe she needs some time with herself because "I bet Jen is pretty damn great. And tasty. Damn, went off the rails. Somebody bail me out." Yes, that was the vampire, of course. Man Bull says they can love and accept her and spend time with her. Emil asks if she believes they might really value her as she really is. Both Jekkyl and Hyde versions. She de-Hulks and they applaud. She admits that that felt good and looks pointedly at Porcupine. He twitches a bit and finally takes off his mask. Everyone cringes because he's been wearing it so long that it was keeping in a nasty body odor. Emil suggests he keep the suit on until they can get it dry cleaned. Or burn it. Something.

They all encourage Jen to delete Josh's number from her phone because if he can't be bothered with her, she shouldn't be obsessing over him. And then they all wait outside the sauna yurt for her. And then we get the cheesy goodbye scene where she is presented with a card from "the gang", which Emil notes she should make clear to the parole board is not an ACTUAL gang. Emil says the next time she thinks about Josh she should remember that "everyone we meet, no matter how much they hurt you, is a lesson learned."

Chrissy: It's just that sometimes that lesson involves figuring out just how much damage you can do to a car with a baseball bat.
Diandra: How is your ex, by the way?
Chrissy: Fine. He dropped the restraining order, so we're cool again.

She gets in the tow truck and a pop song plays us into the cre...three days earlier card. Turns out after she rolled over and fell asleep, Josh cloned her phone, then took a picture of her and sent it to Hulking with a message that he totally got that blood sample. Because OF COURSE he was a plant.

Episode 8: Ribbit and Rip It (aka The Only One the Dudebros Liked)

We begin this episode at what might be the same superstore location used in Loki when we first met Sylvie. Some shady looking guys are loading TVs into the back of a van when a guy in a ridiculous spandex outfit body slams them and tries to intimidate them by declaring the store is protected by "The Guard Frog". This has about the effect you would expect. Frog boy then takes a flying leap at them and splatters on the ground when they just casually step aside. The robbers talk to each other like 'what did that weirdo just say his name was?' Frog Boy says his name is LEAPFROG and he was just trying to sound cool or...something. Shut up.

Flash to Jen in her office, who Leapfrog is apparently relating this story to, asking Mr. Patilio to get to the part about the defective suit. He narrates as we go back to the pitiful fight where the other guys seem afraid to just rip his arm off and beat him with it because he appears to be mentally ill. He blusters that he was "outnumbered", but "I could tell they were afraid of me". As the robbers start to recover and kick him while he's already on the ground, he activates some blasters in his boots and shouts his "signature catch phrase" that explains the title of this episode. "Time to ribbit and rip it!" He takes off and gets maybe twenty feet into the air before the blasters stop firing and he splatters back to the parking lot, shrieking because his pants are on fire.

In Jen's office, he says the suit has a 900 degree threshold and yet SOMEHOW he has third degree burns on his legs now. Jen says that seems like a clear case of negligence and defective product. She asks what the name of the manufacturer is. Of course it's the guy who designed her new suit. "Oh shit," she says at the camera and we flip right to her telling Holliway that this isn't going to work because he's the ONLY tailor who can make her clothes, so maybe Pug should take this. Holliway says Patilio is one of their biggest clients. Jen is like really? Frog boy? Holliway says his DAD is. So he's a spoiled rich boy using daddy's money to play superhero.

Emilio: Hey, it worked for Stark.
Diandra: Aha. Yes. Walked right into that.

Anyway, Holliway says they're happy to sign conflict waivers, but Jen still thinks it's an ethical problem because she doesn't want to piss Luke off. Holliway thinks the Blonsky thing was a lot more ethically grey than this. He suggests she strike a deal with Luke so they don't even have to file a suit.

So she goes to Luke's studio and without even looking up he reprimands her for "rushing" him because her new dress for the gala presentation of that female lawyer thing that was mentioned a couple episodes back will be ready on FRIDAY. She hedgingly says she's actually here because of a defective suit he sold a client and...he cuts her off, insisting he NEVER sold a defective suit to ANYONE. She says she knows and she's not happy about this, but...he accuses her of stabbing him in the back. She says the suit hasn't been filed YET and she can actually make sure it doesn't come to that if he admits to causing some injuries...Luke repeats he DOES NOT make suits that malfunction.

Chrissy: What do I look like? Some mechanical genius with too much money fucking around in a basement?
Diandra: Or more accurately, a cave?

He threatens to never make her another suit and tears the gown he was working on off the mannequin. She yelps that she prepaid for that. He calls her a "greasy old buffalo" and he doesn't work for people who BETRAY him. She yells that she'll see him in court then and storms out of the room.

And after the title card we go right back to the courtroom with the same judge who tried the Light Elf case. He asks if Luke is representing himself since he doesn't have a lawyer at his table. Luke is like 'no, he's just stalling so he can make the biggest entrance possible for the audience we've been yanking around for the last couple episodes.' And to answer the judge asking where the lawyer is, the doors to the courtroom open and Matt Murdock swaggers in, apologizing that he's late. "I had trouble finding parking." He waits a second to see if that gets a laugh, then says he's kidding. His driver got lost. He goes to the desk, gives his full name and spews legalese about throwing out the motion to reveal Luke's client list. Jen glances at the camera and asks "who is this asshole?" She argues that the information is, in fact, relevant because there could be other clients who suffered similar injuries. Matt says Luke has a "spotless" record, actually. Jen says he shouldn't have anything to hide then and this is common practice with this kind of lawsuit. Matt argues that they aren't talking about your average product malfunction case here. Luke makes suits for superheroes who require anonymity, which they are still entitled to because at some point in the last however many years it's been, the Sokovia Accords were repealed. Sorry, what? Did we just casually sweep away the very thing we were finally fully addressing in a way "Civil War" couldn't?

Emilio: Yes.

Jen says superheroes are in the public eye and have to expect a certain loss of privacy. Matt says she's talking about CELEBRITIES and this is about superheroes who have very real enemies who could come after them and the people they care about who DON'T want any part of this if their identity was made public. Which is EXACTLY the argument used by Cap's anti registration people, thank you. He says it's nice that Jen can be public about her identity, but forcing others to reveal their identities could put people at risk AND damage Luke's reputation seeing as they trusted him to not reveal who his clients are. The judge sides with him.

Frog Boy holds up his damaged suit and whines that he can't use it anymore. Matt sniffs because of course he can smell something from across the aisle and asks what sort of fuel he used. Frog Boy says jet fuel, which Luke notes is NOT in the instructions. Jen splutters, which...um...shouldn't you have ruled out the possibility that he just misused the thing that malfunctioned before you got this far? Because frankly, he looks exactly like the sort of idiot who would do that. The judge throws up his hands and says if the plaintiff didn't follow manufacture instructions, then the defendant is not liable and we're wasting time here. He dismisses the case. Frog Boy asks if this means he goes to jail. Jen is like 'no, sadly we don't put idiot rich boys in jail for being idiot rich boys.'

She pulls Luke aside before he can leave to ask if he will still make clothes for her and they can forget this whole thing. He says no, he hates her now.

Bar. The bartender plops an appletini in front of Jen, saying it's from the guy on the other side of the bar. Who is Matt, of course. He says it's a peace offering and asks if he can "join" her with his beer. She grumbles that she hates when people take the high road. Then she prompts him for exposition: why is a lawyer from New York flying to the other side of the country for a product liability case?

Chrissy: Look, we needed to manufacture SOME reason to get the two lawyer superheroes in this universe to cross paths.

Matt says Luke made him some suits, so he owed him a favor. She looks at his suit and says it doesn't LOOK like Luke did anything requiring quid pro quo. He jokes about her insulting a blind man's clothing and "I'm wearing pants, right?"

She notes that he has his own practice. He asks if that means she's been researching him. She says yeah, she was curious after he "came out of nowhere and made my dumb client admit to being even dumber than I thought he was in court." Matt asks what the idiot's deal is anyway. Jen says he has rich parents. Enough said. He reminds her of an expression: "one for them, one for us". He works out of Hell's Kitchen and mostly works pro bono, but every so often he has to take a case that will pay the bills.

Chrissy: You have to whore yourself out. It's okay, you can say it.

She says she works for those big clients full time, so she doesn't have time to afford to any pro bono stuff. He thinks she's "in a unique position to do some real good" actually. She can help people society has failed as Jen the lawyer and when the law fails she can help them as She Hulk. "Be the best of both worlds" she summarizes.

His phone buzzes and he steps away to take it. She turns to the camera and asks if anybody else is getting the spark between them. It isn't just her, right? Then she gets a text from "that gross tech bro with the She Hulk fetish", aka, one of the bad dates she went on. He says he has a legal issue she can help him with. She tries to ignore it and ask Matt if he wants to get another drink, but he's looking flustered and says he just got a work call and he needs to go. He stutters out a "nice meeting you" apologetically and slinks off.

So she goes to whatever bar or restaurant the tech bro is at in Hulk form. She starts to greet him formally, but he insists she call him Todd.

Chrissy: Of course he's a Todd.

He says he was at an auction that featured an authentic Wakandan spear, which he naturally had to win. She stares at him blankly like 'and this involves me how?' She asks if there was a legal issue with the purchase. He says not really, but...um...the Wakandans are saying it was stolen by the colonizers and they want it back. But they're not, like, forcing him to or anything, so really what he's doing here is trying to put the moves on her. She pins him with the table and storms off, calling that she's totally billing him for the full hour.

She gets home and crashes on her couch, but her phone starts buzzing immediately. Leapfrog yelps that he's being attacked. He's driving a car and tires are audibly squealing. She asks where he is. He says on his way back to the Lilypad. She rolls her eyes and asks if she's supposed to know where that is. He says it's his "famous secret lair" which...dude. On how many levels are you not grasping any of this superhero thing?

Chrissy: All of them.

He screams as glass shatters and says he's going to try to lose them in a parking lot. She looks at her phone and apparently figures out where, exactly, he is because she says she's close and can meet him. She goes to walk out the door, then hesitates and fetches something Luke made her from the closet.

At a parking garage, Leapfrog is driving erratically, trying to shake somebody clinging to the hood. As it emerges onto the roof, Jen drops down in front of the car wearing a jumpsuit. The car smashes into her and what turns out to be Daredevil goes flying off. He gets up, brandishing batons, and growls at her to back off. She yells at Leapfrog to run along so the adults can fight. They take a couple swings at each other and she smashes the ground and it splits right open, nearly sending him toppling down a level. He jumps on a car and parkours down the side of the garage, doing a little spin on his last jump down like an Olympic gymnast or something like he's totally just showing off. Leapfrog tears past him, yelling "ribbit or rip it!" He starts to chase the car, but Jen jumps down in front of him. She goes to slug him and he limbos under it and continues running. She picks up a nearby car and throws it at him. She misses. He keeps running. She gets frustrated and does the clapping thing, creating a wave that throws him into another car. This finally stops him.

She stomps up, picks him up off the ground and rips off his mask. And because he's one of the supers who doesn't advertise his real identity, she is surprised to see Matt. She puts him down, deHulks and asks if he's just pretending to be blind because that would REALLY not be cool.

Chrissy: You really know nothing about his backstory, do you?
Diandra: To be fair, MY entire knowledge of his backstory comes from a hazy memory of that time he was Ben Affleck.
Emilio: I thought you saw the Netflix show.
Diandra: I saw maybe half an episode before falling asleep. Luke Cage was pretty much the same. The only one I got through a whole season of was Jessica Jones.
Emilio: And I thought I knew why, but now that I know about the asexuality, I'm not so sure.
Diandra: Good. I like to keep a little mystery.

He puts his mask back on as he assures her he is, in fact, blind and uses a "special method" to "see". "Oh, like echolocation," she asks.

Chrissy: Basically.
Diandra: Yeah, hence the fan tweet that goes something like 'if you told me there was a rich boy who does stupid shit and beats up bad guys despite having no abilities and also a blind guy who uses echolocation to beat up bad guys and one was named Batman and the other was named Daredevil and then you told me which one was which...I would be so pissed.'
Emilio: Well, those are in different franchises and in this case DC DEFINITELY predates Marvel, so they were probably deliberately mocking them. Also, as you just pointed out...Ben Affleck has played both of them.
Chrissy: Ha! Yeah, I bet fanfiction writers had fun with that crossover.

He says basically he USED to have really good hearing until she blew out his eardrums just now. She brushes that off to ask why the HELL he was attacking her client. Apparently, sometime in the last couple scenes, Leapfrog kidnapped Luke. Jen splutters and asks why the hell Matt didn't say that sooner. He's like YOU DIDN'T ASK. She sarcastically apologizes for just ASSUMING that the guy dressed like a GODDAMN DEVIL was the bad guy here. He acknowledges that that's fair. He would have a costume with darker colors that looked more...oh...bat-like, but copyright is a bitch. His theme song plays in the background while she tries to guess what his superhero name is and fails. He tells her and she admits that "it is very daring to use ketchup and mustard as your color scheme." "How 'bout I tell Luke you said that," he snots. She apologizes. He asks if they are finished with the banter now and can go save his client from hers.

Apparently, the reason Leapfrog thought Jen would know about his lair is because he actually put a giant neon sign that says "LILY PAD" on it. Sigh.

Chrissy: To be fair...he probably took that cue from Tony too.
Diandra: Tony had his name on the side of his building because it's the name of the COMPANY HE OWNED, but sure. This guy's clearly an idiot regardless of his reasoning.

To reinforce that parallel we just made, we go inside where the idiot is perched on a throne surrounded by pond decor, dictating to Luke (who is bent over a sewing machine) that he wants armor and an AI with a British accent.

Chrissy: A really sassy Brit that I can banter with but who is ultimately subservient to me. Until another AI brings him to life and he runs off with a hot magician who mindfucks me and tries to kill me in an airport parking lot. You know what? Maybe I should just have an English butler. A sassy British butler who can tidy up my secret lair and build machines and right. I get how Tony is totally a ripoff of Batman now.
Diandra: See?

Luke just points to the frog costume and grumbles that he should find whoever told him he could pull off THAT ugly thing and shoot them. Leapfrog is like 'I'll let that slide since I kidnapped you, but that was MEAN and I'm TELLING MY DAD.'

Outside the window, Jen mutters about the henchmen he is talking to now like 'how does this guy actually have goons willing to suffer this indignity? Oh, right...his daddy's rich.' Matt takes a moment to clarify the difference between goons and henchmen. Henchmen are loyal subjects to a cause. Goons are just there to get paid. She's like 'okay...didn't ask, but thanks for that mansplain.' He says anyway, there are twenty five of them and here are their exact locations in the building. She asks how he knows that and he says he just counted their heartbeats.

Chrissy: Show off.

She scoffs at this explanation and he looks down and notes that her heartbeat is a little fast. She stares at his lips like she's hypnotized for a second, then shakes herself and says it IS NOT.

He laughs and announces that he'll take out the ten in that one location and she should just wait here. It'll take about ten seconds per. She says she is NOT going to wait around for a half an hour while he picks off goons one by one all by himself. He's like 'math is not your strong suit, is it?'

Emilio: Although the fact that you think 100 seconds equals a half hour might work out to my advantage later.
Diandra: Oh, look who woke up and decided to play Daredevil.

She asks why she can't just hulk out and smash in. "Because they have weapons, Jennifer," he says flatly. She fires back that "She Hulk is indestructible, MATTHEW." He says look, he's done this many times and they need STEALTH. "Remind me again, how many warehouses full of goons have you broken into?" "Remind me again, who has the superpowers here," she fires back, then points at herself, then explains that she is pointing at herself since he CAN'T SEE IT.

Emilio: Can you see this? [flips a bird]

He repeats that HE'S the one with experience here, so she should just let him "do my thing" and follow his lead. Then he dives off the side of the building.

Some goons in a dim hallway inside are discussing the fact that that IDIOT thinks he can dub them "tadpoles" when some sort of bar whacks one in the head and knocks him out. They all point cocked crossbows at the end of the hall and probably all the fanboys who just watch Daredevil for the fight scenes pop boners. A side door opens and a goon flies across the hall, screaming. Daredevil walks out behind him, ducks the first arrow and parkours up one wall, slinging...something into the shooter's face. He spin kicks the second guy's legs out from under him and just beats the third with a club. The first one gets up and he boomerangs part of the club into his face, snapping it back and menacing toward the guy as he tries to crawl away, yelping into a walkie that they need backup. Matt knocks him out and the voice on the other end announces that backup is on the way. Five other guys skid into view at the end of the hall. They start charging at him with weapons drawn and the ceiling caves in over their heads as She Hulk Jen knocks them flat. "She Hulk smash," she says like she's dropping a mike. He does a facepalm like 'I totally had that and I told you to WAIT OUTSIDE DAMNIT.'

Chrissy: Yeah, and I just took down five guys in less time than it takes you to do one. You're welcome.
Emilio: You will appreciate my ability to take my time later. Trust me.
Diandra: Also your willingness to get your hands a little dirty?
Chrissy: Okay, um...asexual girl? I know you write a lot of porn (although now I'm wondering HOW you do that), but you should just leave the dirty talk to the pros here.
Diandra: It's called aegosexual apparently. I saw someone describe it as "slut in theory, virgin in practice." Thank you.

Jen smashes through the wall into the main lair where Luke is apparently sloppily tied to a chair with his arms free (because he needs his hands to work a sewing machine). She groans at the sight of all the rest of the "hench goons" turning to face her. Daredevil comes through the Jen shaped hole in the wall behind her and tries to look intimidating while she picks up an entire arcade game machine for illustrative purposes. He works on picking off goons while she stomps toward Luke, tossing aside anyone stupid enough to get in her way. She rips the half ass restraints from him and tells him to go call the police on this moron. Then she turns to Leapfrog to offer legal advice: knock this shit off. "Legally speaking, we could say this is an episode of mania," she calmly says over the grunting and punching going on in the background. Matt stops punching long enough to note that temporary insanity is a difficult defense, but they could work with it. He takes on a guy who comes at him with some sort of racket, grunting between hits that they could spin it as a PTSD episode. "So, the devil ninja guy," Leapfrog says. "He's a lawyer?" Matt says he's just a fan of legal dramas and drops the goon with a kick to the face.

Jen looks at the camera to note that this is really doing something for her. Another goon tries to take her with a baseball bat, which thunks off her arm harmlessly. She turns to him like 'oh, aren't you precious? Shall I turn that pitiful weapon on you or just remove one of your limbs and beat you with that instead?' Leapfrog puts on his mask and yelps "no shame in retreat" before jumping through a window into the alley, screaming. Jen and Matt just look at each other like 'well, I guess that one took himself out.'

And the next thing we see is Leapfrog being carried away on a stretcher, whining in pain. Luke finds Jen and tells her they are even now and he forgives her and will make her dress again if she promises not to "bloat" too much before the event she needs it for. Not quite sure what that means. She calls after his retreating back that it's "great to be strained professional acquaintances again."

She goes to find Matt hiding up by the neon sign. She is back in Jen form, but he is still in superhero getup. She asks if he's going to go down there and give the cops a statement. He says he doesn't really...do that. She groans about him being one of those brooding mysterious type superheroes. He says some of them maintain their secret identities.

Chrissy: Like Spider Man. Although it feels like we knew who he was at some point.

She thanks him for helping out. He's like 'uh...no. You're the one who helped.' They bicker a bit more and she still thinks he said he would take a half hour to pick off the goons and he thinks she didn't need to cause so much collateral damage. Then she asks when he goes back to New York. Tomorrow. She's like huh. Well, guess we'll have to find something for you to do until then, won't we? He offers to take her out to dinner next time he's in town. She's like 'screw that, we're skipping to third base right now.'

They stumble into her apartment attached to each other's lips and she struggles to unzip his Daredevil outfit while dragging him toward the bedroom.

So the next day a woman is walking her dog outside when Daredevil walks past barefoot. Inside, Jen wanders into the living room and asks why "you guys" past the fourth wall are still here because this episode should be over, right? Nikki bursts in, demanding to know why Jen hasn't been returning her calls and why is there some guy in a devil costume doing the walk of shame outside. Jen giggles and Nikki realizes which building he was coming from. "And we're happy?"

Chrissy: Let's just say for a blind guy he's able to find things better than most guys.
Diandra: ...........[sigh]

Jen turns to the camera and says no, really, why are we even here? "This episode already came to a very satisfying conclusion. Trust me." Nikki asks where the gown Luke made her is and Jen realizes we're doing the gala award scene already. "Is next episode the finale?" She realizes this is "a tacked on set piece near the end of the season" and there's a plot twist coming. She frets over whether that will be a reveal that there's another Hulk but "this one's red" or if the writers are going to try to fridge her.

She shrugs and we skip right to her showing up at the gala in a floor length, sparkly gown as a Hulk. She meets her parents there and dad expresses how proud they are of her while her mother frets over her lack of a jacket. She waves at Holliway and some people in front of him step aside to reveal that he's talking to fetish guy, who waves at her.

When the award for female lawyer is presented, the presenter uses the Ginger Rogers quote about doing everything the men do except backward and in high heels. He announces Jen's name, followed by a half a dozen other names including Mallory. They all stand on stage with awards and the presenter asks the nearest one to say what it's like being a female lawyer like this is a Miss America pagent.

Emilio: Nah, if it was that there would be a gross orange guy with a bad combover making inappropriate comments about their bodies.
Diandra: One day I hope to no longer get that reference.

The first lady says something stupid and flowery about empowerment. Mallory grabs the mike next and says "twice the work, half the recognition and you're constantly asked what it's like being a female lawyer." Word, girl.

Jen takes the mike next and says instead of answering that, she'd rather thank her parents and friends and colleagues. The screen behind her is hacked and a distorted voice asks if anyone wants to see the "real" She Hulk. She laughs that her real identity isn't a secret and realizes her mike just cut out. Some masked dudebros appear on the screen as the voice continues that Intelligencia knows "the truth". They put up pictures of her dating app profile and the guys she was matched with and the pictures of Captain America's ass that she has on her phone. Then jpegs of her bills and bank account like this is somehow damning or something while they rant about how she doesn't DESERVE anyone's praise and she STOLE the Hulk's powers and also she's a slut. The pictures are replaced with video of her with Josh while Nikki runs to try to find somebody who can stop this nonsense. She starts getting angry while Mallory yelps "don't do it", but seriously. I mean...what the fuck even is this? She slams her fists through the screen and tears it down with a roar. The lights all falter, red emergency lights flash and people start fleeing the room. She turns, spots some guys in black who are filming this and chases them outside, catching the slowest one. Except she is surrounded by a SWAT team with guns and we watch her face go back and forth between shock and rage and confusion as we go into the credits.

Now. This is probably where the fanboy reaction online was the most blatant. Because they love Daredevil, so this episode is the highest rated of the series on IMDb. But. That is tempered by these last few minutes of reminding them that THEY are basically the bad guys of the show. I don't think I've seen anyone try to blame anything on Tatiana because five minutes of watching just about any episode of "Orphan Black" proves she might well be one of the greatest actresses of our generation. There is a reason she has an Emmy for that.

Chrissy: Brie Larson has an Oscar. That doesn't stop them from insisting she's a terrible actress and should be replaced.
Diandra: Yeah, well, to the best of my knowledge Tatiana hasn't taken as vocal an issue with the white patriarchy though, so they're not invested in hating her.

Basically, this is where it really becomes obvious that their hatred of the show was never about "bad CGI" or "sloppy writing" or whatever the latest spin is. It makes them uncomfortable. They realize at least on a subconscious level that they are being called out for their shitty behavior and they don't like it.

Emilio: Who needs a subconscious understanding when they literally showed troll online behavior at least twice?
Diandra: Yeah, well. No one accused them of being the brightest bulbs. Which is why we have to be this unsubtle. Yeah, they have all the subtlety of a sledgehammer in pointing out how disgusting their behavior is, but...I mean...women can see the truth in it. We understand exactly what Jen means about needing to control emotions because our jobs and sometimes our very existence depends on it.

I'm going to use two interactions I had recently online to illustrate here. Since Elon Musk is turning Twitter into a conservative paradise for these clowns, I switched over to Facebook recently. I joined two groups: one for asexuals and one for fanfiction writers. In the first, I lent my own experience to a discussion about how men especially think that a woman being polite to them is a big flashing neon sign that says "she wants me". One woman admitted she actually modified her behavior and started acting almost downright rude to people to try to deflect this. Which, of course, only causes these guys to think 'what a rude bitch unworthy of respect.' No matter what we do, we cannot win. The other example is from the second group, where someone asked why men think there is something wrong with a woman the second they find out she writes smutty fanfic. One of the answers invoked the Madonna/Whore assumption whereby women are labeled either pure virginal mothers (paradoxical in itself) or raging sex addicts with nothing in between. The idea of a woman enjoying reading about two buff guys fucking each other's brains out and even possibly (gasp) getting off on it is just perverted and weird.

Chrissy: But guys can get their rocks off watching lesbian porn.
Diandra: Exactly. Like so many things in life, the male version of a thing is exalted while the female version is treated like a mental disorder. See also: fandom in general.
Emilio: It's especially confusing probably for people who find out your specific asexual label.
Diandra: Yeah, I had a coworker once who was pretty open minded in general and understood, but it still baffled him. Like 'you would rather watch than participate? Really? How weird.'

So yeah. Despite the uneven, unpolished nature of this show, I am reasonably certain that all the hatred directed toward it is not the least bit objective. Because all this has happened before and will happen again.

Chrissy and Emilio together: So say we all.
Emilio: Ha! Battlestar Gallactica for the win! [high fives Chrissy]
Diandra: And this is why we are friends.

And since we're in the final stretch and there is no mid or post credit scene of this episode, let's just dive into the finale.

Episode 9: Whose Show Is This?

The opening Marvel sequence is ALMOST finished when it suddenly cuts to a shot for shot recreation of the original opening sequence from The Incredible Hulk series from the seventies with characters from this show and a new voiceover that talks about her being pursued by trolls. It ends with the reminder of her hulking out at the gala and the exposition that she is now in prison because of that.

Mark's 70s look is somehow both terrible and entirely fitting.

And we snap to her waking up in what is probably exactly the same cell Emil was in a few episodes ago. Mallory, Nikki and Pug are visiting. She asks if they got hold of Bruce.

Emilio: Ah, no. Still in space. Probably.

Mallory says they need to discuss business and Jen says yes, they need to track down all those people who hacked into her private information and GO AFTER THEM because this was an ATTACK. Mallory says yeah, she meant the case that relates to her. Because she responded to the baiting exactly like they hoped she would and here we are. Jen yelps that ANYONE would be angry in that situation. Mallory says she's a HULK though, so all the witnesses saw was a raging green monster. So she needs to take a plea deal that probably looks a lot like Emil's wherein she has to wear an inhibitor/ankle monitor.

Nikki and Pug help her pack her stuff from the office because of course she's been fired again now. Jen watches a news report at home wherein an anonymous "neighbor" expresses discomfort at the knowledge that an "unstable" super being lives next door.

Chrissy: Where was all this concern when Tony was giving out his address on live television and inviting a terrorist to come at him?

Her parents offer to let her move back in, so long as she's cool with mom still using her old room as a gym bright and early in the morning. But I guess she can't afford her apartment anymore, so she goes along with it and her dad has to spray reporters chasing her with questions and yell "get off my lawn!"

Nikki brings whatever underground research they're doing on the guys who caused that mess to her there. Unfortunately, they can't find much because Intelligencia has really good site security, so they don't even know anything really about Hulking. Jen says she's figured out that the site is owned by several shell companies outside US jurisdiction, which makes going after them basically impossible. Nikki argues that all the guys who post to it are flaming idiots, so one of them is bound to slip up eventually. Then "we will find them and destroy them by any and all means." Jen says they will do that LEGALLY, right? Nikki is like 'I meant what I said. Just don't ask if you're going to be weird about it.'

Chrissy: Accidents happen all the time. You can claim plausible deniability.
Diandra: Yeah, how does the saying go? Best friends are the ones that help you hide the body?
Chrissy: I'm pretty sure that's not it, but I agree with the sentiment.

Jen says she's going to sue them for defamation and invasion of privacy and hacking into a protected computer. Nikki grumbles that Jen is being a wet blanket about this.

Chrissy: I just want to key somebody's car, okay?

Jen's mom interrupts to bring Nikki food and show her a video of Jen in college that might just be a clip from Orphan Black. Jen shoos her out, grumbling about them both being charged with emotional distress. Nikki's phone dings and her face falls as she shows Jen a video someone just sent of Dennis telling a talk show personality that she was "psycho" long before she had superpowers. "I blame her grandmother."

Sometime later, her mom asks if she can help move a heavy bookcase and belatedly remembers that she can't hulk anymore. Jen mutters to the camera that she may have said that's what she wanted once, but "this doesn't feel right. This isn't even a reluctant superhero story. I'm just getting screwed over. Is this what you guys want?"

Chrissy: Apparently.

The voice over guy from the opening sequence starts up again about her being at a "new low" and she looks around and says no, we're not doing that. Shut up. "We're not that off the rails."

Emilio: Are you sure about that?

She texts Bruce, but notes that he's still AWOL doing something we won't find out about until the next movie, probably. Then she texts Emil to ask if his offer to stay at the retreat is still open. She starts packing before he can respond and sheepishly tells the camera that she isn't running from her problems. "It's a mental health break."

At the office, Nikki uses her undercover Intelligencia account to post the college video because of course this will flush out the assholes. She gets an immediate response from Hulking (who apparently has nothing better to do but live online, feeding off his hatred of a woman), inviting her to a private event. She mutters that that was easy. She accepts, then remembers that they think she's a dude. She runs off to find Pug.

Jen arrives back at the compound at night and is greeted by her attacker, who now just looks like a plant in a larger conspiracy, so I will continue to refer to him as an actual criminal. He sets her up in a room where she apparently finds a copy of Emil's published haikus to read. Oof.

Nikki dumps Pug at the event, assuring him she will be in his ear the whole time and he just needs to get whatever recon he can off these idiots. He asks if walking around with an earpiece won't look suspicious. She says no, he won't be the only one. He doesn't like the idea of trying to blend in to a crowd of incel trolls, but she insists it is important and will help Jen.

The plan for her to talk to him the whole time immediately hits a snag because the reception in the building is spotty. He crashes a conversation about why there even needs to be a "She Hulk" and a Lady Thor and they totally suck for reasons that don't stem from a deep seated hatred of powerful women. Nikki prods Pug to talk to them, but he turns away and groans that he can't do this because it would make him feel gross. She prods some more and he finally psychs himself up to do it. Except all he says is "females, am I right?" because I guess incels all talk like Ferengi. Todd, the guy with the She Hulk fetish comes over at the sound of his voice, recognizing him. Nikki is surprised to hear he's in there for, like, half a second, then acknowledges that "that tracks". Todd bro hugs him and talks him up to the other asshats, which weirdly turns immediately into them all agreeing that he's "hot" and they'd "smash" him. Like...what the fuck just happened?

Emilio: That tracks with some of the loudest homophobes, actually. They're just masking the fact that they have secret gay thoughts.

Todd launches into a rant about how She Hulk isn't as strong or as smart as Original Recipe Hulk and she wouldn't even BE a Hulk at all if it weren't for him "so why do we have to act like she earned everything?" Okay, where are you numbnuts getting off on this idea that superheroes have to "earn" powers that most of the male supers got by accident after nearly dying? Oh, right, because this is just a metaphor for how they feel about women having literally any job, which is made clear when he adds that powers should go to "the best person for the job" like every asshole who thinks women and minorities don't deserve the positions they hold. Okay, story time. I had the privilege of being on a hiring committee recently. We interviewed an equal pool of men and women and these guys remind me of the one entitled white guy who behaved as if we would be LUCKY to have him despite the fact that he had half the qualifications and experience of ANY of the female candidates. We ended up choosing one of those women narrowly over one of the men who was NOT him, but guys like the ones in this group (only barely fictionalized) would probably claim this was reverse discrimination or some bullshit.

Chrissy: This is what we mean when we talk about white male privilege.
Diandra: Yes, and they are the ones driving this insane discussion about the MCU online, which is what the writers of this show are trying to point out. They are entitled brats who get upset any time this series tries to broaden representation in any way because they are so used to being catered to. They were happy when everything revolved around the original six, five of whom were male and ALL of which were white and they have been losing their shit ever since that started changing.

Nikki prompts Pug to say Jen got where she is because of nepotism. Todd asks if she got her job by screwing the boss too. Ugh. Pug reluctantly agrees only because Nikki is screaming for him to. She directs him to get Todd on the subject of "something relevant", so he asks how Todd got involved with this group here. The rest of the group laughs because they already know what we just learn now: that he created the site and he IS HulkKing. And I'm just going to highlight the research I found on this character in the comics because the irony of aligning THIS GUY to that character is...hilarious. Despite obviously being the villain here, he is actually one of the heroes of the Marvelverse, aligned with various factions of the Avengers and the Guardians of the Galaxy. He is not human and he isn't even a Hulk really. He is mixed Kree and Skrull, so he's a shapeshifter who mimics the Hulk since he is just as strong and resilient. More hilariously, he is currently married to Wiccan, son of the Scarlet Witch and future Sorcerer Supreme because yes, he is actually gay. It's doubtful that the writers of this show knew that because that plot development in the comics happened at roughly the same time this show came out, so it's more ironic than tragic that they chose to adapt him like this.

Nikki's signal drops just then and she frets because there is NO WAY Pug is going to be able to improvise and continue this mission on his own.

At the retreat, Jen is apparently staying in the same apartment or barrack or whatever it is with the undercover dudebro. She comes into the kitchen and starts putzing and he offers to make her some of this tea Saracen (the vampire) got him into drinking called pu ehr. Um. Yeah. A tea known for health benefits such as lowering cholesterol and cleaning toxins from the blood. I'm sure he doesn't have any self serving motives there. He also offers to talk, I guess, but she says the only one who could possibly understand what she's going through is Emil, who basically went through the exact same experience. She asks where he is. AC says he's hosting a private event down at the lodge. Er. Yeah.

So of course these two things are related and HulkKing gets on the stage to announce their special guest speaker: Abomination. Emil, in full Abomination form despite everything from a couple episodes ago, gets on the stage and starts a speech about being their "life coach" and he hears they're all making "amazing progress". The camera pulls back and we see his face on some of the posters around the stage, declaring things like "seize your true power" and "big men dream big".

Chrissy: [snort] Yeah, trust me. They only think they are "big men".
Diandra: Yeah, what was that study about howler monkeys with the smallest testicles screaming the loudest?

Jen arrives at the lodge as he's talking about them feeling unsatisfied with their place in the world and needing to just claim their position of power and authority. She yelps his name and he shrinks back down to his human form and splutters that this is a speaking engagement and he only does this to make money and doesn't do anything "bad" in Abomination form so it's kind of a grey area.

Nikki bursts in to collect Pug and tells Jen they need to get the fuck out of here because this is an Intelligencia meeting and Todd is HulkKing. The room full of dudebros hopped up on testosterone cheer as Todd reveals how Josh betrayed her. His team used the blood he was able to steal to make a serum that he plans to inject into himself right now. Because he thinks THIS is a legitimate way to "earn" powers compared to her just getting into an accident with her Hulk cousin. As he depresses the plunger, Jen turns to the camera and says this can't possibly work, right? "We're not actually doing this?" Todd starts turning into a Hulk in gross one body part at a time fashion and she yelps that this CAN'T be where this season was headed. And then Titania blasts through one of the walls of the lodge and her voice goes up at least an octave as she yelps "this isn't messy enough?!"

HulkKing starts charging at Jen and Emil hulks out himself to pick her up out of the way. The other guys become enraged and start charging Abomination. And then Bruce drops through the ceiling, demands that Abomination unhand his cousin and they start fighting each other amid the chaos. Jen reaches dog whistle decibels as she asks what the FUCK is even happening here. "None of these storylines make any sense." She looks into the camera and asks if this is working for "you". Did every plot thread in the show just take a hard left because that's what the audience wanted?

And here's where this episode became my favorite of the show, which apparently puts me in a minority opinion. The screen suddenly switches to the Disney+ page for Marvel at the time, with She Hulk featured next to "WandaVision", "Multiverse of Madness" and the short "I Am Groot". Before we can think this was a technical error of the app we are watching on, her muffled voice asks what we're doing. "This menu is not gonna stop me!" She announces she is breaking her inhibitor, then punches out the She Hulk icon in hulk form. The screen scrolls down and she leans out, looking around until she finds the icon for "Marvel Assembled". She says that will work and swings down using "Shang Chi" and "Loki" as grab holds, kicking the "Assembled" icon in and jumping through.

She lands on a stage and marches out of the main hangar door and down the street where a few people stop to stare at her passing. She finds the production office and sneaks in before the door can shut behind a guy exiting.

In the writer's room, one guy asks what they get if "the entirety of season two is one extended dream sequence."

Chrissy: "Newhart". You get "Newhart."

She Hulk bursts in and they stop talking. "Isn't she supposed to have an inhibitor," one woman stage whispers. She Hulk asks what the hell kind of stupid finale they're writing right now.

Chrissy: And does that board that says finale say "nanobots"? How the fuck is THAT supposed to be worked in?

The writers say they thought it was a "fun" and "unexpected twist". She says the bad guy is stealing her blood to give himself superpowers "where did you come up with that original idea? Was that from every other superhero story ever?"

Emilio: Sarcasm noted.

The guy argues that there are certain things that are SUPPOSED to happen in superhero stories.

Chrissy: Mostly because we're applying everything to the same Iron Man template.
Diandra: Yeah, I'm pretty sure the first rule of writing in Hollywood is "if it ain't broke, then keep reusing that sucker over and over until it is." My favorite part of all the MCU "Honest Trailers" is the way they keep pointing out that Doctor Strange is basically "homeopathic Iron Man".

Jen smacks the table and suggests they try doing something different for a change. "This is the story that Kevin wants," one lady objects. Jen demands to talk to Kevin then and they all laugh. The lady says NOBODY talks to Kevin, certainly not her. He must be protected from her, actually, as he is far more valuable. And if the closed captioning wasn't already giving it away, it would probably be obvious here that they aren't actually referring to Kevin Feige.

Chrissy: Some part of my brain wonders if anyone in brainstorming sessions for this suggested if Kevin was unreachable, she should talk to Robert, who has a lot of influence and then they did the weirdest cameo ever with a guy who looked distressingly like the guy who died in the big battle with Thanos.
Diandra: ..............have you considered switching to decaf?
Emilio: [AI voice] If you would like to talk to "Kevin", press one. If you would like to leave a voicemail, press two...
Diandra: [AI voice] If you would like to speak to Deadpool, just stay on the line. Thank you for choosing Mint Mobile.

She Hulk finds a cubicle office farm with MCU posters and action figures and Iron Man suits and an infinity gauntlet on display by the front desk. The receptionist splutters that SHE HULK is here in person and she says she needs to talk to Kevin. He stares at her and says uh...okay...can you just sign this NDA here?

Chrissy: Didn't I do that already? Doesn't EVERYBODY involved with these things in any way have to do that?

She scrolls through the long ass legal document that might be at least partly real on an iPad and signs a big JW on the bottom line. The receptionist picks up the phone and says She Hulk is here to speak to Kevin. After a second, he pushes a red button and an alarm goes off. She asks why he made her sign the NDA if he was just going to do that. He shrugs that EVERYBODY has to do that.

Chrissy: Yeah, like I said.

She muscles her way through the door and down hallways, tossing aside security people and forcing one's head in front of the eyeball scanner before he passes out so she can get through the last secure door.

She ends up in a vault type room with a big curved screen showing random scenes from multiple MCU movies to Michael Giacchino's title card fanfare. They all give way to the title logo and a camera/robot thing drops down in the middle of the room. We zoom in on the lens area, which is protected by a black hood that looks kind of like a baseball hat and says K.E.V.I.N on it. A couple robot arms clasp under it and a robot voice says "hello, Jennifer." Because of course "KEVIN" is one of those belabored acronyms that stands for "Knowledge Enhanced Visual Interconnectivity Nexus". What, was she expecting a person or something?

Chrissy: Maybe Ed Harris? Keanu Reeves? Or...who played the Architect?
Diandra: I'm still trying to figure out Ed Harris..."Truman Show"?
Chrissy: Yeah, or "Snowpiercer". He seems to like that sort of character.
Diandra: [blank, confused stare]
Emilio: I thought you referenced that movie before. You didn't see it?
Diandra: Uh...
Chrissy: Yeah, I think we forgot who we're talking to here, Emilio.

It must be human error. It's always human error.

She says yes, she was expecting a man and not a giant "AI brain". THIS is who they have making all the decisions? Really? KEVIN says he can answer any questions she has, but she has to transform back into her regular Jennifer self first because the CGI on She Hulk is expensive. "But wait until the camera is off you. The visual effects team has moved on to another project." Just in case we didn't know what they are referring to here, the drum riff from "Black Panther" plays across the soundtrack softly.

Chrissy: Yeah, they need all hands on deck to make sure that one doesn't look as stupid as "Aquaman" did.
Diandra: Yes. And I'm sure we will discuss that exhaustively when we get to that recap.
Chrissy: Oh, are you going to do a full recap of that or just a quick jog through?
Diandra: We'll see how it goes.

Once she is Just Jen again, KEVIN says yes, he makes all the decisions because he has "the most advanced entertainment algorithm in the world" that can produce "near perfect" products. He acknowledges that some are better than others "but I leave that debate up to the Internet." Where the trolls will base their rants on everything but the actual quality of the story, but whatever. Jen says she's not happy with the way her story is going. KEVIN says tough shit, it isn't up to her. She argues that it's supposed to be a LEGAL comedy, so she has a closing argument to give.

"The Marvel Cinematic Universe is known for its big spectacles and high stakes plotlines, but it's often said that Marvel movies all end the same way. Perhaps this is a result of following some unwritten rule that you have to throw a bunch of plot and flash and a whole blood thing that seems super suspiciously close to Super Soldier Serum at the audience in the climax." She thinks this is unnecessary and detracts from the plot, which was about her life falling apart just as she was learning how to balance both Jen and She Hulk. KEVIN tries to process this "new data" and asks what sort of ending she proposes they do. She looks at the screen showing all the characters involved in that chaos scene in the lodge and says they should scrap the Todd getting Hulk powers thing. "The powers aren't the villain. He is." HulkKing turns back to regular skeezy Todd. She also objects to Bruce randomly dropping in from space like a Deus Ex Machina. KEVIN argues that Bruce needs to come back to explain what he was doing. Oh, since when do you require his character development to happen WITHIN the movie?

Chrissy: I just assumed some other show or movie would explain that.
Diandra: Yeah, probably "Secret Invasion". Or "The Marvels". Point is: we're used to this by now.

Jen sort of acknowledges this by saying we don't need to hear that because they can "save it for the movie".

KEVIN asks what he should do with Abomination. Jen says she needs him to hold himself accountable after everything. He turns back to Emil on the screen. She says this whole scene taking place at night is too angsty too, so let's change it to daytime. KEVIN asks if she's done yet. She asks if she can see Daredevil again because she has NEEDS, you know? KEVIN admits that they've been "light in that department" in the past. She sits on the floor to launch into another thing and KEVIN is like 'oh god, you're not done.' She asks what's the deal with all the daddy issues. "Tony Stark, daddy issues. Thor, daddy issues. Loki, same daddy, same issues. Star Lord, two daddies, two issues." KEVIN begs her to stop now. "Oh, and when are we getting the X-Men?" She gives a pointed thumb up at the camera like I MANAGED TO WORK IT IN GUYS. Yay!

Emilio: Except "Multiverse of Madness" was one of the movies on that Disney+ screen, so they already kind of did.
Diandra: Pfffftttt. Forget logic. Obviously the purpose of this exercise is to have her voice all the demands the audience has been making and pave the way for Deadpool and possibly Gwenpool to exist in this universe.
Chrissy: Yeah, not everything has to make SENSE. Or...like...anything at all. STOP TAKING THESE MOVIES SO SERIOUSLY DUDEBROS.
Diandra: Like that, yeah.

Jen says back to her, she has some ideas for season two... KEVIN cuts her off, saying they're done and whatever glitch made her able to access his server will be fixed so she can't do this again because she "obliterated" his beautiful action hero ending. She says she's a Hulk. They smash things. "Bruce smashes buildings. I smash fourth walls and bad endings. And sometimes Matt Murdock." KEVIN tells her to get out now. "See you on the big screen." Her eyes light up. "Really?" "No," he says.

Chrissy: But you'll probably be in whatever the next Avengers equivalent is because we've given up trying to limit how many of you are in anything.

So we go back to the retreat in daylight now and Jen storms up in Hulk form to confront Todd while Titania films it, providing ditzbat influencer narration that they're about to witness a murder. Todd braces and whispers "just do it." Jen deHulks and says nah, he's not worth it. She'll see him in court. A cop drags him away. Daredevil superhero lands behind her and looks around like even he doesn't know what he's doing here. Jen says thanks for the offer of backing me up, but you're too late. Fight's over.

Chrissy: Luckily I know how to get the job done myself, thanks.
Emilio: Hey, I know how to "get the job done" where it counts.
Diandra: I'm just...gonna...move on here...

She says she's happy to see him though and he returns the sentiment and they giggle so that everyone in the vicinity is made aware of what Pug says out loud: they totally did it, didn't they? Jen moves on to the next loose end: Emil, who has a pen and clipboard. She tells him if he signs this, he agrees to go back to prison for another ten years...

Chrissy: Or ten movies, whichever comes first.

...because he violated his parole. He says yeah, he knows all about living with the consequences of his actions. She suggests he write a few more haikus.

Jen takes Matt home to another family dinner, this time a barbecue outside. Her mother tries to rub it in her sister's face that Jen is dating another lawyer who has his own firm back in New York and everything, but "Aunt Rebecca" lights on the fact that he does a LOT of pro bono work and therefore probably doesn't make much money. Dad clarifies that he makes enough, right? Because it's expensive raising kids these days... Jen splutters that they're talking like she's going to marry him and start a family. He tells her dad he's just visiting and Jen sidles over to console him like 'just ignore the insanity like I do.'

And then Bruce shows up to vomit up a half ass explanation of where he's been between shit here. On Sakaar, but he'll elaborate why later. I'm sure. Right now he just wants to introduce his son Skaar. A Hulk who is somewhere between high school and college age steps out from behind him like...what?

Emilio: Well, we did establish that time moves differently on Sakaar, so...

A news reporter exposition dumps that She Hulk has been cleared of any charges after exposing a criminal conspiracy. He's standing outside the courthouse and tries to flag her down as she arrives at work for a statement about the Todd/Intelligencia lawsuit. Jen rambles about guys like Todd being held responsible for harassing and causing harm to innocents and going after guys like him is going to be her whole thing now. Reporter asks if she's going to just do that in court or as a superhero. She says both, of course.

The credits give away what the mid scene is going to be a second before they get to it by including Benedict Wong. Wong portals right into Emil's cell and apologizes for taking so long. Emil says he was binge watching another show, wasn't he? Wong shrugs and says we're in a new golden age of television. Emil picks up his bag and asks what the guest policy is in Kamar Taj. "Shared fridge? Wifi?" He steps through and the writers probably immediately forget about him.

Chrissy: Okay, so. I think you said something like this about halfway through this show, but this felt like that season 3 episode of Sherlock mixed with probably Gwenpool. You know? Like...everyone built up the explanation so much that we're just going to throw everything at you, do a ridiculous plot where they have to diffuse a bomb by flipping a little switch on the side of it, wink at the camera a few times and call it a day. The whole trying to steal her blood thing went nowhere in the end.
Diandra: Yeah, having Todd inject himself was tired and unoriginal, but...I assume the only other reason he could have wanted her blood was so he could find a way to kill her, right? Because he hates that SHE has superpowers and wants to tear her down? Yeah, it's kind of a hanging thread.
Emilio: That's why I'm saying it's a great ending IF there's going to be a second season. If not, it sucks.
Diandra: Yeah, that's...fair. Though at this point I'm assuming that all of the shows and movies can tie into each other. "WandaVision" set up "Multiverse of Madness", "The Marvels" and probably "Secret Invasion". "Ant Man" continues the thread from "Loki" that goes right back to "Loki" and whatever team ups are coming down the pike.
Chrissy: "Ms. Marvel" also sets up "The Marvels", which brings me to the question of whether you will be recapping that.
Diandra: I suppose I'll have to.
Emilio: You don't sound excited about that. You reaching superhero burnout?
Diandra: Eh. I'm still enjoying the movies and I know the point of doing these was to make remembering what happened in the neverending canon easier, but...it's starting to feel like work.
Chrissy: Maybe if we take a break and do something else? Maybe "Night Manager"?
Diandra: Oh, god, are we back to that?
Chrissy: Well, since they announced there will be a second season now...
Emilio: You never finished the "Star Trek" movies either.
Diandra: Right! Yes. Let's do that!
Chrissy: [grumbling] I almost had it, Emilio.
Emilio: Sorry.