The Night Manager, Season 2, part 1

The Night Manager, Season 2 (episodes 1-3)

Starring: Tom Hiddleston, Diego Calva, Camila Morrone, Douglas Hodge, Paul Chahidi, Haley Squires, Indira Varma, Olivia Colman. For now.
Directed by: a different woman who isn't as big on sex scenes and female nudity, apparently

I really didn't think I was going to be able to come back to any sort of writing after this past year. I ripped down this website after the third antichrist of Nostradamus managed to become dictator in chief again, proving this country REALLY hates women and cannot fathom ever voting for one to be president. I understood that this was in direct contradiction to the person who encouraged me to keep writing the first time because "if we give up, they win", but I just couldn't face doing this again. Reality always intrudes on recaps. Not just in the obvious ways, but in my ability to be funny. When I re-read my old recaps it is obvious when life is really shitty and my heart is not in it. I come across like a rodeo clown: desperately attempting to distract the audience while a rider is being gored. I live in Minnesota. The state that Herr Twitler has declared war on because we dared try to run our governor on the opposing ticket. I have gotten notifications that ICE goons are patrolling a church five minutes from my house or the parking lot of a store I just drove past to get groceries. I can't pretend I don't have friends and former employers who are afraid to leave their house because they might be deported for looking too not white or executed for getting in the way and pissing some poorly trained incel off. Chrissy and Emilio have understood and sent only halfhearted suggestions of things I could do IF I want to get back to recapping Marvel shit. But then "Night Manager" started up again and Chrissy sent me a barrage of pictures of Tom getting dry humped by a Hispanic couple and insisted recapping it would be a great distraction from [gestures vaguely]. I agreed to do it on one condition: it needs to actually be a distraction. A Felon47 free zone where we can ignore the real world and focus only on this soapy spy plot with gay subtext.

Chrissy: I don't think it qualifies as subtext anymore when they're rounding second base and everyone around them just assumes they're fucking.
Diandra: Yeah, it feels like they're really zeroing in on a specific demographic of Tom's fanbase.
Chrissy: Which includes you. Hence why I knew sending you those prompts would work.
Diandra: Yeah, I figured that out when one was accompanied by a comment that it reminded you of the first fics I ever wrote.
Chrissy: It seems very targeted to your specific brand of asexuality, as I understand it. Which I'm sure we will discuss at length at some point here.
Diandra: Aegosexual. Yes. I suppose it would be futile to ask that you refrain from using this as an opportunity to prompt me with fic ideas.
Chrissy: Hahahahahaha. See, you can still be funny.

So. I can't promise this will be the best recapping job we've ever attempted, but maybe it will be appropriate for easing me back in after a year and a half of hiatus. Here goes nothing.

Episode 1

Previously, we met James Bond impersonator Loki who got dragged into a very pregnant Olivia Coleman's operation to take down an evil arms dealer played by Doctor House. If you want more details than that...read the recaps. That's what they're there for. This whole first episode at least is going to have a lot of flashbacks, so I'm sure we'll be covering more anyway.

Syria. What we're pretending is only four years later. A heavily bearded Jonathan meets Angela at an outdoor caf . Under the guise of "preparing for tomorrow", she exposits that there will be no autopsy or official record, they're just here to identify the body, which will be unceremoniously burned. His family will not be notified of his death, not even Danny. Which pinpoints who they are talking about for anyone who remembers the first season or was paying attention during the previouslies. But to make it extra clear, Angela states that Richard Roper will be declared "missing" and as far as anyone is concerned, Jonathan was never here.

Chrissy: I know the Grizzly Adams look is probably helping to conceal the fact that he's obviously aged more than four years, but it's kind of working for me.
Diandra: What DOESN'T work for you where he's concerned? And Olivia has obviously aged a decade too, which is kind of weird given that she was apparently juggling filming this with "The Roses" where they did a scene of her de-aged a good ten years and it looked better than this, so.
Chrissy: Oh, there's another thing we could recap.
Diandra: Dear god, why?
Chrissy: The Queen and Doctor Strange attempting to kill each other? And their friends include Hillary Clinton, Jake Peralta and The Doctor?
Diandra: No.
Chrissy: Fine. You're the one that brought it up.

The next day, they go to the prison, where a guard snits that only ONE of them will be allowed in to do the identification. Angela argues, but Jonathan says it's fine, he can wait outside. And waste a really long trip for no damn reason. He insists she do it because she waited longer to see the bastard dead. She agrees easily and enters the cell while dissonant horns wheeze. You might want to get used to that sound because it comprises the majority of the soundtrack. Jonathan watches from outside as they uncover Roper's also heavily bearded body on a table and Angela confirms that it is him and he is, in fact, dead. She nods at Jonathan, who visibly exhales.

And we skip right to the present, where a once again clean shaven Jonathan wakes to a radio alarm in an apartment in London. He groans as he rolls out of bed like your average forty year old who is definitely getting too old for this shit and...

Diandra: What the hell was that?
Chrissy: .....hmm?
Diandra: Did you just...growl?
Chrissy: Did you just fail to notice that he is wearing nothing but a pair of tight black boxers?
Diandra: I mean...sure, but I was kind of more focused on that curly hairdo that is way too sculpted to qualify as bed head.
Chrissy: [very heavy sigh] You're hopeless.

Someone knocks at the door and calls "Alex?" He scrambles to pull on a t-shirt and is suddenly wearing jeans when the camera changes angles. He opens the door and greets his neighbor Theresa, who says "Corky" escaped again and hands him an orange cat.

Chrissy: You named a cat after the guy you killed?
Diandra: A pussy, yeah. Let's not...look too deeply into that.

Jonathan asks if the cat woke her and she reminds him that his work hours are not normal and everyone else is very much awake at 4:30 in the afternoon. He laughs and accuses the cat of being a "flirt" while petting him and kissing his fluffy little head. The cat mews and purrs loudly. This reminds me of a woman I watched scold a cat for getting up on the kitchen table while picking him up and kissing him. Like...never heard of negative reinforcement, huh? Cool. Have fun with that.

Chrissy: So you're just going to leave the joke about him knowing how to treat a pussy on the table, huh?
Diandra: Don't make me regret agreeing to this recap already.

The Exposition Fairy appears suddenly and gooses Theresa so she notes that "Alex" works a graveyard shift. "Are you like, a vampire or something?"

Chrissy: Why, what have you heard?
Diandra: Did The Watcher say something? Because- nope. Never mind. This joke is way too complicated.

Adam...sorry...Alex laughs nervously and says he works at a bank. Which is basically the same thing, right?

Chrissy: Alright, what is it with spies using banks as their cover story? Is it because it's boring so nobody will ask any follow up questions they can't answer?
Diandra: Yes. Didn't they say exactly that on "Alias" at some point?

She very unsubtlely says she would like to have dinner with him someday if he ever feels like going all the way across the hall to her place. "Er...yes...maybe...one day," he stutters awkwardly before shutting the door and halfheartedly scolding the cat again. "[loud smacking kiss]...getting me into trouble..."

Chrissy: Yeah, apparently you have a history of pussies getting you into trouble.
Diandra: [stops typing, closes eyes, takes deep breaths]
Chrissy: What are you doing? Did I break you already?
Diandra: No, just...trying something different this time...[opens eyes] Okay, I'm good.

We establish his new line of work as a woman announces that they are doing a quarterly evaluation for MI6 employee Alex Goodwin, "Director of the Night Owls unit". Flip to a psychiatrists office, where she continues by asking if he has anything keeping him awake at night. By which, obviously she means morning and I would think that would be a common complaint for people who work at hours completely out of synch with literally everyone around them. I mean...it's kind of hard to sleep when everyone is moving around and making noise. He says it's fine though. Also fine: his nonexistent family. She asks how he's doing on the romantic front. He gets a little twitchy and lies that he's started "seeing" his neighbor.

Chrissy: But that's just because my pussy keeps wandering.
Diandra: Okay, if you're going to keep doing this, you have to at least try to make SENSE.
Chrissy: Fine. Moving on. Can we talk about how those glasses are giving off sexy librarian vibes?
Diandra: As a librarian who wears glasses I am very uncomfortable with that question.
Chrissy: Huh. Now that you mention it, your glasses are a very similar style, but you just give off nerdy, chaotic gremlin vibes.
Diandra: Really determined to push your luck here, aren't you?
Chrissy: Oh, you know I tease because I love.

The shrink notes that he put in for three more years with the Night Owls. He exposits that he loves it and working for Rex Mayhew is great. If that name sounds familiar, it's because he was Angela's main contact at River House, which is where we go now for further exposition dumping. Rex says the Night Owls surveillance unit has dug up more than a dozen field agents and has proved critical to their clean up operation - infiltrating all sorts of "hostile networks" and stopping potential terrorist attacks.

Some other point in time, Jonathan arrives at "work" and greets "Basil", who is effectively the new Rex for this season. Basil hands him a "wish list" and mutters about how he can sit in the dark "watching the world" through a wall of screens. "I'm worried you'll go blind."

Back in that meeting at River House, Indira Varma pipes up, awkwardly expositing that she is the head of the supervisory council, so she is the one authorizing the three year extension of his unit. As they break up, Rex reminds him to not go "above the parapet. That face is too pretty to lose."

Chrissy: I love how everyone just keeps going out of their way to talk about how pretty he is.
Diandra: Mmm. I loved how KJ Charles phrased it when she did a rewatch of season 1 recently. "Most notable...is the sheer number of schemes in which someone asserts that everyone would very much like to boink Tom Hiddleston", particularly Corky who would like to ride him "like a fairground pony."
Chrissy: [snort] Ah.....yes. [stares into the middle distance, distracted]
Diandra: God, whatever scene you're painting in your head involves a riding crop now, doesn't it?
Chrissy: You say that like it would be a new thing.

Back with the therapist, she notes that in six years he has refused all promotions or offers for jobs abroad. He apologizes for "disappointing" her. She says she's not disappointed. She's frightened. Because her history of dealing with spies has taught her it isn't the ones who scream and call her names and cry that she needs to worry about. It's the ones like him that act all calm and polite and don't say anything right up until they explode like a faulty pressure cooker. His jaw twitches and he digs a thumbnail into his other hand like he's trying to draw blood, but he insists he is not that person. He's fine. Totally in control.

Chrissy: Yeah, I recognize this sort of guy too in my profession.
Diandra: While I'm sure you do, I would appreciate if you did not elaborate any further at this time because I'm afraid it would dangerously court political territory.

She's a dominatrix...

Back at work, he's flipping through files on persons of interest...

Chrissy: [snaps fingers in front of Diandra's face]
Diandra: What? Did you say something?
Chrissy: Uh...no. You just paused the screen on a shot of Tom in a black sweater and glasses and completely spaced out.
Diandra: Oh. Uh...[clears throat nervously] I was just...
Chrissy: Imagining how soft it would feel?
Diandra: [distractedly] Yes. I MEAN... [buries head in hands]
Chrissy: So you agree with me about the sexy librarian thing after all?
Diandra: [muffled groan]

Honestly, I don't understand my brain either.

A black guy enters the room and Jonathan identifies him as "Mike" and says they're going to trawl hotel switchboards today looking for suspects on this latest bad guy list he got from Basil. An Indian guy arrives, apologizing for being late because the traffic is horrible. He pats them both on the back and engages in small talk so Jonathan can identify him for us as Waleed.

They settle in to watch CCTV footage and Waleed immediately identifies #12 on their list. In a blatant info dump for the benefit of the audience, Mike says the guy has ties to the Bulgarian Mafia and child trafficking rings. Waleed leans over and says "I worked at the Mumbai Carlton in the 90s. That sort of antic tended to mean a sexual assignation with the boy on reception." Jonathan looks at him like 'really?' and he adds "or he's just getting the paper."

Chrissy: But how likely is THAT? I mean...who reads the paper anymore?

He points to the screen and notes that he's getting the...key card?...for "the white room." Jonathan relays to someone named Sally that there's something going on in the White Room. A woman on comms says she's on the way. A dark haired woman in a cocktail dress appears outside the room just after the target enters it and asks the boys how she looks. Jonathan says great, but "eyes only, please." She promises not to touch.

Some indeterminate time later, she is playing poker at one of the tables in the room and Jonathan warns her not to win TOO much. Then, as Mike plays around with switching cameras, he goes still and stares at the screen like he's seen a ghost. He has Mike zoom in on a guy in the corner and we have to flashback to last season so we recognize one of the mercenaries Roper introduced him to before that little weapons demonstration. His name is Jaco and Roper warns not to "let him near your neck on a bad day."

And we cut to Surrey, England, where Jonathan arrives for a party at Rex's house. I assume this is the same day because I think that's the same shirt he had on under the sweater. He hugs Rex's wife and says he was hoping to talk to Rex before the party started. She mutters that he can't because he's talking to some girl about a work thing. On his birthday. Because he has a PROBLEM. She hands him a tray and asks him to go get some more glasses and plates. He gets all of five feet into the house before he walks past Rex's office and overhears him telling a "Roxanna" to call him if she hears anything else and keep this just between them.

Jonathan follows the woman around a corner as she leaves the house. She pauses as she is getting into the car and looks him up and down like she's evaluating a piece of meat. He goes back into Rex's office and Rex immediately says "I got your message, show me what you've got."

Chrissy: Oh...it's you. Sorry, I thought you were...someone else.
Diandra: Shut up.

Jonathan hands him a print out of a still from the security camera footage of Jaco. He says it's from last night, which gives a point of time reference. He asks what Jaco is doing in London under a fake name. Rex asks if he talked to anyone else about this. "How could I? I'm Alex Goodwin now." Rex mutters that he should keep it that way. Jonathan asks if he can talk to Angela. Rex says no, she's retired and barely leaves her place in France these days and certainly doesn't need to be bothered with whatever this is. Jonathan asks who that woman Rex was talking to earlier is. Rex laughs and says she was a "friend" and he never saw her, so forget it. He squeezes Jonathan's shoulder and says he should be retired to a beach somewhere too, fucking a yoga teacher, but he insisted on staying employed here. Rex exposits that he agreed to the terms that Jonathan Pine never existed and he's kind of grown fond of Alex Goodwin by now. Jonathan is like 'love you too, dad.' Rex finishes that Roper is dead and they've spent the past five years recreating this identity he has now and DON'T FUCK IT UP. Then he stuffs the picture in his pocket and says he has a new phone number Alex should use from now on. He jots something on a slip of paper and tells him to memorize it and eat the paper.

Outside at the party, Indira descends on Jonathan and he identifies her for our benefit: Mayra. Somewhere in the distance, the Exposition Fairy sets up a canon while she asks what he's doing out during the day and he jokes that Rex said he could use some daylight before he goes full vampire look. The Exposition Fairy fires and she spews a barrage of details about Rex being so kind to her when she took over at River House and he recruited Alex from where he was working as a private contractor doing some sort of IT work in Nigeria, right?.

Chrissy: I love how expositions are always so fucking stilted and obvious. It's hilarious.
Diandra: This is why I like recapping continuing series. Less of this nonsense.

Mayra suddenly asks if Jonathan thinks Rex is okay because she's "worried about him." Jonathan stutters and she backs off because 'well, if he didn't say anything to you it's probably fine. Toodles!'

Rex gives a speech about how nice it is to spend his 60th birthday surrounded by colleagues who are all as devoted to their country - or at least the ideals it should represent - as he is. "We can serve blindly...or...we can take a view. 'Know thyself'.

As everyone goes back to the party, Jonathan focuses on a guy doing the cups and balls trick for a couple kids off to one side so the audience can be reminded of Roper using that metaphor last season because this is going to be IMPORTANT later.

Mike helps him officially identify Jaco and he reads the file on the guy to the rest of the team. He's South African, but he's been a "fixer for cartels in South America" of late. He's using the alias Michel Hebert right now. Sally gets right to the point and asks how Alex knows this guy. Jonathan just non-answers that he's from a "previous life". He can't tell them any more than that and he doesn't have authority to follow the guy, so they're going to have to chase that lead without him. They all agree to it with no argument because obviously they trust him.

So they spy on Jaco meeting somebody in a park. Some guy with a briefcase sits at a table with Jaco and they get a microphone pointed at them just in time to hear Jaco give all the important information: there will be a shipment in Cartagena, in time for the "Anniversary" and the chief wants the "shipment list" in a "diplomatic briefcase". Other guy says they were hoping to keep the paper trail to a minimum. Jaco says this isn't an average gun run: "think of it as his insurance policy". A dog barks nearby and garbles the sound. Mike scrambles to fix it, but the guy is already leaving, warning Jaco to lay low and stay away from London where there are "too many eyes". Mike keeps working to clean the audio from the ruined section of recording and when he plays it back, Jaco is saying the "chief" refers to himself as "Richard Roper's true disciple." Jonathan tries not to swallow his tongue. Mike asks if that means anything. "No," Jonathan lies.

We get a montage of him running like he's being chased by something and then having a nightmare where Roper's body on that slab opens his eyes and stares at him.

Back at the office, everyone is working on intel gathering and Sally calls Alex over when she finds the guy Jaco was talking to. His name is Adam Holywell and he's a middle man for a lot of companies in the UK that do shady ass bullshit. "He calls himself the alternative foreign office."

So Jonathan tails him to try to figure out who he's working for, hovering around the corner from the house he disappears into for hours. Sally calls after it gets dark to say they've figured out who owns that house and...uh...it's us.

Chrissy: It's a secret spy ring that only THINKS it's part of MI6, but it's actually a terrorist organization.
Diandra: Has it been too long for anyone to actually get that reference anymore?
Chrissy: What reference? That's the entire basic premise of the show. I just changed the name of the agency.

Adam leaves the house just then, followed after a few seconds by Mayra while the dissonant horns that are this really annoying soundtrack honk quietly. Jonathan calls Rex and says they need to talk. Rex agrees immediately, but tells him to park well away from the house and use the side entrance.

Chrissy: Like a cheap hooker you're ashamed of hiring?
Diandra: Have a lot of experience in that area, do you?
Chrissy: You know full well I am not cheap. And I was just trying to subtly steer toward a conversation where I could bring up your SD-6-is-actually-a-sex-ring fic because I think this season proves you were right in drawing a parallel between spy work and prostitution.
Diandra: I still don't know what the hell possessed me to write that AU nonsense.
Chrissy: Don't APOLOGIZE for it. It was one of your better efforts, with actual plot sprinkled between gay sex scenes.
Diandra: [snort] Sure. Let's just move on from this obvious Foot In the Door strategy to ensure I let you talk about the other fic you kept bringing up in the first season recap, shall we?
Chrissy: I don't know what you're talking about.

Next day...or hours later maybe...Jonathan is driving out to Rex's place and has to pull over as a couple police cars scream past. His phone rings and Rex's wife hysterically sobs that Rex is dead and Basil is here and the police are coming and she needs him to get here now.

He arrives to find CSIs crawling all over and already taking away the body in a bag. The wife is being consoled by an officer on a bench. Basil finishes talking to a CSI and looks at Jonathan pointedly. He pulls him into the house for questioning. Jonathan claims he only came out here when Rex's wife called. Basil hums like 'and you got here in about five minutes...sure...we'll just let that slide'. He says Mayra called him because they want this kept pretty quiet. All indications are Rex took a bunch of pills he had stashed out in the shed with a whole bottle of whiskey. Does Jonathan know why he might have been suicidal? Some sort of debts? An affair? Jonathan shakes out of the unblinking stare he's been doing for the past minute and says no, absolutely not.

The conversation just ends abruptly and Basil walks Jonathan out to the cars, assuring him they will do a full sweep of the scene tomorrow, but if he thinks of anything that might be important in the meantime, he should call. Jonathan waits until he leaves and goes back into the house to talk to Celia. She sniffles that Rex was agitated about something he said he found and needed to talk to "Alex" about. He said "it was about your man." And then she had to go get the dog's medication from the vet and by the time she got back... She sobs into Jonathan's chest and asks what the HELL he got Rex involved in.

Presumably after calming her down, Jonathan goes into Rex's office and digs through things on his desk. After a minute, he remembers the "new" number Rex gave him and pulls out his phone to call it. Ringing and buzzing comes from the bookshelf behind him. He pulls the phone out from between a couple books and the screen just says "Pine". It has a lock screen, which he figures out the code of by flipping through the book next to it on "Trees of Old England" to the section on Pine trees and finding page numbers underlined.

Chrissy: Cute, but I'm guessing that isn't very secure as anyone could work that out.

The phone opens on a documents app, with one file titled "The Chief".

We get an artsy scene of Jonathan going out on the balcony of...his?...apartment and looking at the skyline across the river and crying while we repeat Rex's lines in voiceover about how they spent the past five years "recreating" Jonathan and they can't ruin that now.

After dark, he airdrops the "Chief" file from Rex's phone to his laptop. It opens a bunch of pictures. The first one has Diego Calva front and center with what is presumably Rex's handwritten note "why is Mayra in business with this man?" This is followed by pictures of guys being tortured and executed and ends with one of all the thugs with guns surrounding a victim, including Diego and Jaco. In case we're not getting this, the line about Roper's "true disciple" repeats while the camera pushes in on Jaco and Diego. Rex's phone rings and Jonathan frowns at the screen that says BROKER before answering. What is obviously the same woman from the birthday party - Roxanna - immediately demands to know where Rex is because "you said you'd call me at 6." Jonathan doesn't say anything and she hangs up.

He runs to the office to get Sally to trace the number. Sally identifies the woman as Roxanna Belanos, a Columbian shipping broker working from Miami, but says she can't connect her to either of the other guys they're surveilling yet. Jonathan says they need to talk to her. The team's patience finally runs out and they confront Jonathan, demanding to know what this is all about. Jonathan slowly says Rex was murdered and River House is involved.

At a bar, Roxanna is pulled away from the table where she is having drinks with a couple other people by the host, who says there's a man looking for her at the front desk. I'm...not sure you should be responding to a giant red flag like that, sir, but okay. Roxanna recognizes Jonathan as one of the guys at Rex's party...who she saw for all of five seconds, but considering the way she was looking at him, I can absolutely buy that she would remember him.

Chrissy: Hmm...never forget a pretty face.
Diandra: Basically.

Jonathan says they need to talk. She warily asks where Rex is. He says he'll tell her in the car. She's like 'ooooooohhhhhkay, yeah, I'm not dumb enough to get in a car with a strange man no matter HOW pretty you are.' She pulls out her phone to call Rex and Rex's phone rings in Jonathan's pocket. He holds it up and says Rex isn't going to answer.

Diandra: How is any of this supposed to make her MORE likely to get in a car with him?
Chrissy: Are you actually asking me or was that rhetorical? Because yeah, this sort of scenario usually sets off self preservation alarms. Unless you're the BBC version of John Watson, who as I recall had no problem getting into cars with shady looking strangers.
Diandra: [glances at clock] aaaaaaand, 37 minutes.
Chrissy: [continuing as if not interrupted] Of course, Sherlock would probably get in the car with him too because they're both adrenaline junkies who are excited by danger. Which, if I remember, is how someone described Jonathan last season too.
Diandra: You know, it's ham fisted efforts like this to annoy me that make me question why I keep asking you to do these things with me.
Chrissy: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just making an observation.
Diandra: On the parallels between that Sherlock and this character I based the original character in my novel length Sherlock story on.
Chrissy: Oh, so you admit Henry is Jonathan now? Good. We're making progress.
Diandra: [frustrated groan]

Jonathan says Rex is dead and he left this phone for him to find, which only has two numbers in the contacts: his and hers. Which is why they need to talk because she could be in danger.

Apparently this does convince her because the next scene is them pulling up to a motel while Sally voiceovers that she booked them a room and made sure some guy named "Tony" will keep watch.

Chrissy: Oh, is he -
Diandra: NO! DO NOT BRING THE MCU INTO THIS SO HELP ME I WILL KICK YOU OUT AND FINISH THIS RECAP BY MYSELF.
Chrissy: ....what makes you think that's where I was going with that thought?
Diandra: [glares]
Chrissy: Okay, yeah, it was worth a shot.

"Tony" is apparently the guy who meets them at the hotel, follows them up to the room and stands guard outside the door. Jonathan asks if she wants a drink from the minibar, pours them both something and invites her to sit on the bed while he swallows the entire contents of his glass like it's water. They sit in awkward silence for a second while the couple next door makes the sort of noises you expect to hear in a seedy hotel like this. Or as the closed captioner describes it: "carnal groans from next room". Then Jonathan pulls up a chair and says he needs to ask her some questions, starting with how she knows Rex. "Start at the beginning. Take your time." She sighs and we hear her through coms back at the Night Owl office explain that she met Rex at a City of London dinner. Jonathan asks why she was at his birthday party. She says she's been "working on something" because she's brokering a deal with an import company in Cartagena buying UK machine tools for an oil pipeline using a London intermediary. Sally mutters that this explains Adam Holywell's involvement. Jonathan gets her to name the import company and Mike starts looking into them while Roxanna says something started feeling off about the whole deal. Jonathan is like 'you think they were lying about the contents of the shipments.' She says this is what she had Rex looking into. Jonathan asks if she knows Jaco. Nope. Jonathan pulls up that last picture from Rex's file on his phone, zoomed in so it only shows Diego out of context. She says not him either.

He goes to fuss with the curtains on the window and says she should stay in this room tonight. She protests that she needs to get on a flight to Miami tomorrow. "We'll deal with that," he says cryptically. She protests and tries to leave again, but he just ignores her and hands her a bag with everything she might need for the night and says Tony will stay with her. And they're going to need her to hand over her phone. He starts for the door, saying he'll be right back and she yelps "how long are you going to be" and "what's your name?!"

Mike finds the information on the shipment Roxanna was describing and Sally relays the details to Jonathan and sends him what they found about the import company. He is in his car with his laptop open and it's day again. He pulls up the company CEO profile page for Teddy Dos Santos and puts it on the screen alongside the picture he just showed Roxanna to make it especially clear for the slower members of the audience that it's the same guy. Sally says she can't find anything about him until 2018 because whoever wiped his background did a really good job. He just appeared as this "legitimate business" owner in Colombia six years ago. And at the same time this company appeared, so did a charity foundation for Colombian orphans. Jonathan pulls up a video of "Eduardo Dos Santos" outlining the mission of the charity and has flashbacks of the parallels between that and Roper's speech about his refugee project. Jonathan tells Sally they need to figure out what Mayra is really sending to Colombia and stop the cargo ship tomorrow. He hangs up before she can ask any questions.

Jonathan goes to find Roper's stuff that is being kept in a warehouse somewhere. To prove that this is really an actual warehouse and not a soundstage somewhere, a bird chirps loudly somewhere overhead and continues doing it occasionally through the montage of Jonathan going through various boxes.

Chrissy: I think we're so used to background noises being so sterile in movies and television that it's jarring to hear something you totally expect to hear in a home improvement store.
Diandra: I'm more impressed that absolutely no one seems to have said "can we remove that background noise?" Like...they could have, but instead we just get soft music occasionally punctuated at random by CHEEP! CHEEP!

The bird finally shuts up or disappears or is finally filtered out when Jonathan finds a photo album. He clenches his jaw as he flips through normal looking family photos of Roper, Jed and Danny.

He's shaken out of whatever reverie when the guy who showed him into the warehouse briefly checks in to see if he's still there. Then he finds a brown envelope stuffed in a book with pictures of a young Hugh Laurie in fatigues in a jungle with a couple other guys, a pretty Latin woman and Teddy riding a horse in what looks like the same jungle. Jonathan flips the last picture so we can simultaneously see Teddy's note scrawled on the back ("thought you'd like this") and the next picture of Danny.

This prompts the next scene, where he goes to Danny's school. He tells the headmaster he is Danny's "unofficial godfather" and just stopped by to say hello.

Chrissy: Speaking of red flags...
Diandra: Yeah, I can't tell if this is a "British schools are different" thing or "fictional schools are different" thing, but I'm pretty sure if this was an American school, a strange man coming around to talk to a student wouldn't have gotten far past the front doors.

The headmaster says nobody visits him but his mother, so he'll probably be happy to see Jonathan. They go into a classroom where the kid who played Danny is slumped in a chair, looking like a typical sullen teenager. Jonathan rushes to give the name he's using now - Michael Oaks - and asks if Danny remembers him. Back to the tree theme, huh? Okay. Apparently satisfied and not seeing anything weird here, the headmaster leaves the room.

Chrissy: Oof. If this was America, you would be fired by tomorrow.

Jonathan takes off the glasses they keep using as a prop in this episode and sits on a desk. He apologizes for not visiting Danny sooner, but there were these rules he had to follow for everyone's safety. Danny is like 'and they don't apply anymore? What do you want?' Jonathan switches to a closer chair and cuts to the chase. He shows Danny the picture of Teddy he just found in Roper's things and asks if he knows him or has any idea why his father would have a picture of him. Danny says he's never seen him before. Jonathan presses him to look again and he snots "sorry...Michael? Is it? You're a fucking liar. You destroyed my family. You never once were honest with me. So...why should I give you anything?" Jonathan acknowledges that this is fair and he shouldn't have bothered coming here. He starts to leave and Danny channels the audience, muttering "see you in another ten years." Jonathan freezes and comes back to tell Danny that his dad was "executed by his captors" six years ago. Danny rages that nobody told him this before and staggers over to bang on a wall a bit and cry. Jonathan apologizes impotently a couple times and walks away.

Back at the seedy hotel, Roxanna asks Tony when his "friend" is coming back. She begs him to let her leave because she HAS to get back to Miami. Or at least give her her phone back. Tony says no and promises Jonathan will come back. He's just...been delayed. She makes a show of starting to vomit and runs to the bathroom, retching over the toilet a couple times before opening the phone she managed to snatch from wherever as she was running past him.

Jonathan is in the car again when Sally announces that Jaco just got a diplomatic briefcase delivered to his hotel and booked a flight to Barcelona. Jonathan says they're going to Spain then.

And then he's sitting in a cab with Waleed, looking at a passport with his picture next to the name Stephen Church. And while it's nice that we're not sticking fast to the tree varieties, this is the third name he's had just in this episode. Can we ease up a little? Waleed confronts him about the firearms he asked "Graham" (which is who now?) to bring with them. He reminds him that the Night Owls are surveillance only, not field operatives. Jonathan says they're just a precaution. Waleed is like 'yeah, sure. You wanna talk about this previous life of yours and how it relates to whatever spy mission you've got us doing now?' Jonathan non answers that he was "someone else" once who had to disappear and he'll tell him all about it when this is all over.

Chrissy: Which ranks right up there with "I'm days away from retirement" and "can I show you a picture of my girl back home?" in phrases that mark a character for death in the near future.

Jaco gets out of a cab nearby and Sally appears, screaming for someone to hold that taxi and "bumping" into Jaco so she can stick a tracker on his briefcase while he's helping her pick up her purse.

Spain. Sally and Mike back at home direct Jonathan, Waleed and I guess Graham to follow the tracker to a hotel. Jonathan heads for a side door while the others go to the main lobby. He tells a woman at a desk that "something" is going on outside that she should check out and snatches the master key from behind the desk the moment she steps out.

Chrissy: So security is shitty in this hotel I guess.

Sally calls him to tell him which room Jaco is in. He relays that to Waleed while handing off the key up in the lobby. Then he hovers a few yards away from Jaco and tries to look natural.

Waleed and Graham disappear into the room. Sally and Mike stare at the blinking dot of the tracker on their screen. Jonathan stares at his phone. And then Teddy arrives at the hotel. Jonathan stares as he greets a woman who tells him his usual room on the 4th floor is ready. Teddy goes to greet Jaco, hugging him like an old friend and making small talk. Jonathan creeps a little closer as Teddy asks if Jaco has something for him. Jaco says he has the shipment list, government stamped as requested "but they're insisting on no more contact until the Anniversary." Teddy chuckles about the British keeping things at arm's length and invites him up to the room to go over the documents. And then he'll have to rest because "it's a long flight back to Colombia tomorrow."

Jonathan waits a second and follows them at a distance, telling someone that Teddy is headed up to the room and "we've got him. Keep them in the room. I want to talk to him."

Upstairs, Teddy follows Jaco to the room, staring at the back of his head like a psycho and saying ominous things like "you're a good man" and "Roper knew a good soldier when he saw one". So Jaco probably can't be all that surprised when he gets to the room and Teddy points a gun at his head and orders him to hand over the briefcase. He scans the outside of it, spots the tracker and gives Jaco a look like 'oh, you dumbass.' He pulls it off and stomps it into the carpet. Jaco stammers that he didn't know. Teddy shushes him and gestures for him to keep walking.

Sally and Mike sit up as the tracker goes dead. Sally calls Jonathan, who is halfway up the stairs, and yelps that they're onto them. Jonathan orders her to delete everything and move Roxanna. Sally tells Mike to wipe everything from the computer while she calls Tony. Someone knocks at the door of the hotel room just as Tony is reaching for the phone.

Jonathan calls Waleed and tells him to get the hell out of there.

Tony opens the door and is immediately shot.

Jonathan is running down the hall toward the hotel room and stops short at the sound of gunshots. He just sees a couple guys going down the hall away from the room, leaving the door hanging open. He runs in to find Graham dead and Waleed bleeding out. He fumbles to put pressure on the wound, frantically calling Waleed's name, then sobs on Waleed's chest as he goes still.

Cut to him composing himself as he runs back to the front desk, making sure he doesn't have blood on his hands. He tells the woman Teddy was talking to earlier that he's meeting his friend on the fourth floor but he forgot what the room number is and could she remind him?

Chrissy: I mean, I know we're probably using the fact that this used to be his profession as an excuse to say "he knows how to bypass protocols" or some shit, but...
Diandra: But it's still debatable whether any of this would actually work this way, yeah.

Then we cut right to him running back upstairs and approaching the door with gun drawn. It's cracked open. He's about to push it open when his phone rings. He picks it up, but doesn't say anything. Just breathes heavily while Teddy accusatorily asks "who are you?"

Apparently he just drops the phone or something because the next shot is him shouldering into the room and finding Jaco's body laid out on the bed, covered in playing cards. The bomb strapped to Jaco's chest blinks a red light and Jonathan runs away just ahead of the explosion that blows out a whole chunk of the hotel.

Outside, Teddy calmly puts on a pair of sunglasses and gets into a sporty car, driving away while smoke pours out of the hotel in the background.

And we end with Sally trying to call Jonathan and getting his Alex Goodwin voicemail message.

Chrissy: See? I told you this would be good for you.
Diandra: You said it would be a distraction. Which it is, but I feel guilty playing rodeo clown, recapping spy fluff while pretending that the world isn't falling apart around us. And I know that's hypocritical considering the conditions I stated at the beginning of the recap and the fact that I stopped you before you could even go near discussing the authoritarian craving mentality of guys in MAGA...
Chrissy: Okay, honey, you need to stop treating this like it's a sprint. It's a marathon. And from the beginning you've made it clear that you have spent so much time in crisis mode because of family, friends and work problems that you had barely any bandwidth left to devote to this fascist takeover our state is at the center of. Emilio said he talked to you at one point about the importance of writers being the story keepers for future generations and history books. We agreed that your part in this history might still be on the horizon and your job right now is just to survive this moment so you can be there when it comes. And my job is to make sure you don't burn out now and if that means distracting you with hoyayrific spy fluff then that's what we're doing.
Diandra: Wow. You make hyperventilating over pretty men eye fucking each other sound like some sort of noble patriotic sacrifice.
Chrissy: I am happy to take one for the team.
Diandra: Okay, you can stop laying it on so thick. Nobody's buying that this is any way a hardship for you.
Chrissy: [shrugs] Maybe not, but that doesn't make it any less worthwhile.
Diandra: Speaking of Emilio, why did he just tag me in a BlueSky post about needing to help us watch something?
Chrissy: Yeah, I told him I finally got you to agree to doing this. He replied with a string of ROTFL smilies and an eggplant emoji.
Diandra: So you two have been plotting this for a while, have you?
Chrissy: Just looking for ways to get you back into recapping. I knew when I saw this show that you basically already committed to doing was going to push all your buttons this season that I had finally found the thing that would do the trick.
Diandra: What did I do to deserve you?
Chrissy: Do you mean that in a loving sense of gratitude or in an exasperated-annoyed sense?
Diandra: I'm not sure yet.

Episode 2

After a quick rundown off all the important details of last episode, we go to Mayra, surrounded by a whole panel, chewing out Sally for running an actual operation trying to hunt someone down because the Night Owls are SURVEILLANCE only. Sally just says Alex gave the order and he was her boss, so. "We thought that he had authority." Mayra laughs that he damn well didn't and does she know WHY he decided to try to chase down some gun runner? Sally says he only told them what he thought they needed to know. Like a typical spy. Mayra asks mockingly if she's a sheep. Going along with some half cocked plan that got several people including Alex killed. Sally looks at the screen showing employee pictures of Tony, Waleed, Alex and I guess Graham who must have had a larger role that was cut while Mayra grumbles that she is officially ending the Night Owls program. She suggests Sally take some time off and reminds her that as far as anyone is concerned, they were never in Spain.

Neither is Jonathan anymore apparently because we cut to him on a beach in Wales before we just snap to credits.

When we come back, we find out that he's there because that's where they have a safe house. Basil is making a cup of tea in the kitchen when he enters, calling Sally's name. They stare at each other for a second and Jonathan grabs a knife. "It's all right, Jonathan," Basil says calmly. "We're alone." Jonathan asks where Sally is. Basil says she's waiting for them a mile down the beach. Jonathan finally asks why Basil called him "Jonathan" instead of "Alex." Basil is like 'we're spies and you thought I wouldn't eventually figure out you're the guy who brought down Richard Roper?' He taps a folder on the table and says Rex asked him to help replace Jonathan Pine with Alex Goodwin six years ago, which he was happy to do because "I've long been an admirer from afar." Jonathan flips through a couple pictures of himself in the file that obviously go back further than the Roper op. Like...at least one of them seems to be a picture of Tom when he was 20.

Chrissy: Because literally everyone you know is obsessed with you.
Diandra: And most of them want to ride you like a fairground pony, apparently.

Basil tells him to sit down and have some tea first because they are proper Englishmen. He says Mayra thinks Alex died in that hotel explosion and he made sure the report noted the presence of a second body to corroborate that. Sally has caught him up on all the details of what they were investigating and he wants to help because "whatever you've got in mind, you can't do this alone." Jonathan finally puts down the knife and fishes out the pictures of young Roper and Teddy in the jungle. He slumps in a chair as Basil is inspecting them and asks if Roper ever smuggled arms in Colombia in the 90s. Basil says they were pretty certain of it, but it could never be proven. Jonathan thinks Teddy is continuing his business with the help of British intelligence.

They exposit a bit more as they walk to meet Sally. Basil warns that Mayra has a lot of "friends" in various places, so they have to be careful lest they end up like Rex. Jonathan asks about Roxanna. Basil has no clue if they killed her or not. She just disappeared.

Jonathan approaches Sally and says her name gently. She barely looks at him as she mumbles that Waleed should never have been there and now his wife and children have to bury him. And all she has is an old, arthritic dog. "You should have told us about your past." He apologizes and asks how Mike is doing. Sally says he quit. Jonathan suggests she might want to do the same thing because he's already put her in too much danger. She's like 'fuck you. I'm invested now in making sure they didn't die for nothing.'

They all go back to the cottage to work on the plan to try to stop the cargo from being received tomorrow in Cartagena.

Chrissy: And bless whoever decided Tom should wear that blue t-shirt that really brings out his eyes.

To that end, they have enlisted a guy named Alejandro, a prosecutor who has tried a couple times to take down Teddy's company. They got him to impound this shipment for them and freeze the company's bank accounts. Basil adds that this ensures Teddy is going to need cash, giving Jonathan an in as a potential sugar daddy. I mean...

Chrissy: Nope. That was the right word.

Basil says they're using the money Jonathan stole from Roper years ago and they have apparently kept stashed just in case. There's 300 million in the account. Sally says he can't play Alex Goodwin anymore since that identity is burned. His new alias is Matthew Ellis.

We get a little montage of them generating documents in that name while Sally reads his bio. He's from Norfolk, his dad was a banker and his mother was an alcoholic slut. And she means that in a good way. This is my pet name for Chrissy, by the way.

Chrissy: I suppose I deserve that for the chaotic gremlin thing.
Diandra: Hmm.

He's filthy rich and has a thing for risk and danger. The latter of which I recall someone saying was a trait of Jonathan's too last season. They make him try different clothes and argue about whether it looks right for the role. At one point, Sally stresses that he absolutely can't wear socks with the shoes she gives him, which I am only pointing out now because...

Chrissy: And it's very important that you don't wear underwear with these pants. Any of them.

They finally settle on a shirt a slightly lighter shade of blue than the t-shirt he was just wearing. Sally continues that he created and "trashed" companies all over Europe and the Gulf before settling in Hong Kong with a Swiss investment company. There was a scandal and now he's in Colombia with a lot of money to unload and/or launder.

He gets out of the back of a Mercedes in front of a swanky hotel, wearing a pinstriped suit and sunglasses that he doesn't take off the whole way through the lobby and up to the room. The camera focuses on his wallet as he tips the bellboy to show a picture of a dark skinned girl that will be explained later. He immediately orders some trashy porn on the hotel cable and dumps a couple bottles of liquor into the sink while Sally adds that he has run away from any responsibilities and completely given in to his addictions. He smiles awkwardly at his reflection in the mirror over the sink.

Sometime later, he has changed suits and is wearing the sunglasses inside again as the hostess shows him the sports amenities while Sally voiceovers that his way in is through Teddy's lawyer Carrascal, who likes to gamble and who he has lunch with every Tuesday after tennis practice. "That's your snake in the garden."

Chrissy: So you're saying he should wear tight tennis shorts?
Diandra: [stops typing, closes eyes, takes deep breaths]
Chrissy: You're doing it again. What is that? Are you meditating?
Diandra: [hums softly]

Basil reminds Jonathan to get out the minute he sees any red flags.

So "Matthew" is already practicing on the tennis court when Carrascal - hereafter referred to by first name so I don't have to keep checking my spelling on that - arrives. He says the coach had to leave because of family issues to kind of dispel any initial questions he might have. Juan asks if he's new here. Matthew says he arrived a couple days ago, introduces himself and asks if Juan wants to play him, immediately offering to place bets on the game. We do a speed run through Matthew clobbering him until Teddy appears at the edge of the court, at which point he starts losing badly, getting increasingly frustrated until he screams and throws the racket. Teddy smirks.

Chrissy: Hmmm, yes. I like this energy. Be even better if those shorts were slightly smaller so...
Diandra: I GOT THE INUENDO, CHRIS, YOU CAN STOP NOW.
Chrissy: There you are. I was beginning to worry about you.

Juan shakes his hand and tells him he relies on his backhand too much. Matthew snorts that he sounds like his father and goes to give him the thousand dollars he won. Juan brushes it away because "it would be like taking candy from a baby." Teddy chastises him for being "cruel" and tells him to go outside while he talks to the new eye candy here. Teddy commends Matthew on a good game. Matthew snorts that he lost.

Chrissy: Oh, did you? I was too busy watching the muscles in your thighs work.
Diandra: [warning growl]
Chrissy: ...imagining how they would look wrapped around my -
Diandra: [banshee scream]
Chrissy: Wow. Okay, that's new.

"Defeat makes you stronger," Teddy says. He offers to walk Matthew inside. As they walk, he notes that Matthew is English. Matthew says apropos of not much that he's been in Hong Kong for the past decade working at a Swiss bank.

Chrissy: Not much for foreplay, are you?

Teddy asks what he's doing in Colombia. Matthew says looking for new "opportunities" since working with the Chinese is getting too "complicated". Teddy already concludes that he takes risks and "I like that."

The hostess interrupts to tell Teddy that a General Sanchez is waiting for him and he says goodbye to Matthew. He walks all of two feet before stopping and asking where Matthew is staying. Matthew gives him the name of the hotel, which is apparently enough for now, and hovers nearby while Teddy goes to greet the General. Apparently, Teddy called the general to try to fix the little problem Sally created of the prosecutor seizing his shipments and trying to open them, which Teddy stresses he CANNOT do. The general promises to take care of it.

Sally sidles up to the prosecutor Alejandro in front of the justice building and gives him the code they used when they directed him to the shipments. Alejandro says he just got a letter saying the military are preventing him from opening them. She asks if General Sanchez gave that order, then gives him a recording from two weeks ago that stays between them and instructs him to refuse whatever bribe Teddy offers to release the shipment.

We go back to London suddenly for Rex's funeral. Mayra gives a speech about what a great patriot and devoted family man he was. And a "dear friend", which sounds not at all phony. After the service, she corners Basil to talk about his plans to fly Alex's body back from Spain. "What's left of it," Basil mutters and tries not to look shifty. Mayra ominously declares that Alex made a mistake getting in over his head. "And Rex," Basil asks somewhat pointedly. Mayra says Rex was a tragedy. "Where do you stand in all of this?" Basil says he's "loyal to the service." She asks what service because that English cause Rex was so poetically devoted to is a myth. "Our paymasters want us at the top table. We may have to stand on some heads to get there." He nods and asks what she needs. She says she wants all of Rex's files.

We go back to Colombia with a newscast about General Sanchez arresting the politician whose "family has tyrannized our country" for decades. Jonathan is frowning at the screen when the room phone rings. It's Juan, inviting him to a fundraising gala with Teddy tomorrow.

Chrissy: I believe Teddy is what is known in the business as an "easy mark".
Diandra: Which business?
Chrissy: Any business. But I will refer you to our earlier conversation about the parallels between spy work and prostitution.

We skip right to that fundraiser, with Jonathan dressed entirely in black suit and tie.

Chrissy: [whine]
Diandra: Yeah, apparently someone on Bluesky was noting that this is a massive fashion mistake that Tom barely pulls off. He warned other guys not to try it because it would look like they are wearing garbage bags.
Chrissy: Yeah, I'm pretty sure he'd look good in actual garbage bags. But I think you described some all black number like this in your fic as Henry's "fuck me" clothing.
Diandra: That wasn't a suit. It was more casual. More like the sweater he was wearing last episode and I think I just discovered why I reacted that way to it.
Chrissy: Okay, first you don't respond to my making things dirty, then you DO react like an angry parrot, and now you're actually going along with my tangent about your Sherlock fic. I'm starting to worry about you.
Diandra: I was trying to apply negative punishment to alter your behavior. Except it became obvious right away that you were just going to keep escalating until you got a reaction, so I decided that as long as it isn't a political rant I'm gonna give letting go a spin.
Chrissy: Is that...a different behavior altering strategy, or...
Diandra: [blank stare]
Chrissy: Okay, well...as long as I didn't break you.

A waiter hands him a glass of champagne immediately inside the entrance. He wanders through the crowd, taking note of various faces including the general and stopping in front of a tv running a video of Teddy saying the waiters at this party are all war survivors from his Aurora charity. Many of them were child soldiers.

Chrissy: So can be activated to kill like sleeper agents. Noted.

The real Teddy sneaks up behind him and teasingly asks if he's still upset about losing that tennis game. He thanks Matthew for his support. Matthew teases that he doesn't have that YET.

Chrissy: Oh, so NOW you want foreplay?

Matthew sucks down the entire glass of champagne and Teddy fetches him another.

Matthew circles Teddy a little predatorially and Teddy asks if he came here alone. "No one to keep you company?" Matthew slides a little closer and says he's "open to offers" suggestively.

Chrissy: Aaaaaand we're off.
Diandra: Yes, I very much appreciate that what looked like a James Bond copycat last season with him fucking a different woman every other episode has now decided 'screw it, he's just going to full on flirt with a man now.' I read an interview with the two of them where they acknowledged that their characters are absolutely trying to get into each other's pants. It went something like...
Tom: Jonathan is trying to seduce Teddy, not only physically but spiritually and metaphorically [rambles for five minutes and manages to quote Shakespeare because of course he does].
Diego: And Teddy is also trying to seduce Jonathan. Literally. He would like to bang Jonathan like a screen door in a hurricane, yes.
Chrissy: [loud snort] I mean...get in line. But can we talk about the parallel to prostitution now? Because yeah, the bottom line here is that he is willing to whore himself to whoever he can leverage to complete the mission.
Diandra: I mean...sure. If there's one thing even an asexual who is basically immune to it like me can understand it's just how easy it is to use sex to manipulate allosexuals. Particularly men who often let their dick do most of their thinking for them. It's what makes me think us asexuals should be trusted more in politics. But we would make really shitty spies.
Chrissy: Or maybe you would make really good spies, actually, because you can understand the power of seduction while being immune to it yourself.
Diandra: Huh. That actually makes sense, because I cited my new understanding of my sexuality as something that can help me write stories like "The Arrangement" because it's basically the opposite of my personal experience.
Chrissy: And now you're bringing up your MCU stories.
Diandra: It was relevant.
Chrissy: Uh huh. So, wanna hear my AU for season one where you could replace Roper with Tony Stark and do a full honey pot op now?
Diandra: Somebody already wrote that.
Chrissy: I'm sorry, what now?

Jonathan starts slugging down this glass of champagne too while Teddy beats around the bush about whether Matthew has a wife or anything. Matthew blusters that he tried marriage to a French woman for a while but it didn't work out and she's in Paris with their daughter now. At every pause in the conversation, he takes another sip of champagne to reinforce Matthew's drinking problem. Teddy offers to refill the glass again and chews out the kid handling the champagne and struggling with the cork a little. Matthew grabs the bottle - noting the kid's name is Octavio so that will probably be important later - and smoothly pops the cork.

Chrissy: Hmmm, yes. I like a good, strong wrist in a man.
Diandra: I hate that I don't know if you're trying to roleplay Teddy or just being yourself right now.
Chrissy: [smirk]

Matthew asks where he got the wait staff like Teddy didn't catch him watching that video. Teddy is like 'yeah, orphans. Anyway, let's talk about that bank you said you worked at.' He describes it as "secretive" and Matthew smirks, leans closer and says "aren't we all?" Then when Teddy starts looking around as he talks, he moves his head around to follow him like 'don't look away while I'm trying to eyefuck you.' Teddy is fully distracted when Juan arrives, pointing him out across the room. Matthew turns and he does a repeat of the spotting-a-ghost look. Because Roxanna is trailing Juan into the room. He asks who she is. Teddy says she's a very close friend and asks if Matthew wants to say hi. He goes to greet Juan and Jonathan and Roxanna stare at each other like 'don't you fucking dare.' Teddy introduces Matthew to her as his friend and I get the feeling "friend" to him means potential fuck buddy. They play along. She asks if he's new in town. He says he just flew in. "Terrible turbulence on the way over. Thought I might not make it." She's like 'ha...that's cute.' Teddy excuses himself to talk to Juan and tells Roxanna to take care of Matthew here.

Chrissy: Get him warmed up for me.
Diandra: The usual, or would you like him specially gift wrapped?
Chrissy: [jolts] What the fuck...
Diandra: [innocent blinking]
Chrissy: I have no idea what you're trying to do and I'm not sure I like it.

He leaves and Jonathan and Roxanna just stare unblinking at each other and drink their champagne for a moment. Jonathan asks which of them is going to talk first and they start moving in the direction of the departing Teddy, Juan and the newly arrived Alejandro.

Chrissy: You always lose at Simon Says, don't you?

She says by all means, go first, shooting him a look that dares him to try any bullshit. He reminds her that she told him she didn't know Teddy, which is obviously a lie. He says she called him from the hotel, didn't she? She was always working with him. She starts to play innocent and he snaps at her to not lie because he recorded the conversation they had that proves she was involved in this whole operation and the team he has waiting outside for him can extradite her to London for trial. She stares another minute and resignedly asks what he wants. He says he just wants the truth.

She notes the guard looking at them and tells him to "smile for the cameras". They mill around while talking like they're not really talking. Y'know, typical spy shit. She says that Rex contacted her because he caught some "traffic" between River House and Colombia. He says so she flew to London to "reassure" him, word got back to Teddy and Rex was killed. She insists she didn't know that would happen. Jonathan brushes that off and asks who, exactly, killed him. Were they working for Teddy or River House? What's in the shipment they confiscated? She doesn't know the answers to anything because Teddy doesn't tell her this shit. Jonathan asks who they're selling it to then. Military? Yeah...she doesn't know that either. Jonathan asks how much she's getting paid to work this deal she knows shit about. She smiles and says he's watching them. Jonathan looks up at the balcony overhead and smiles at Teddy, who waves. Jonathan asks if they are together. "He's with no one in that way," Roxanna says. Jonathan presses that he trusts her though, so... She says he doesn't trust anybody. As evidenced by the fact that he has her under constant surveillance at his villa like a prisoner. He laughs in a way that is probably only partly for the benefit of anyone watching and says she doesn't look like a prisoner. He points out Alejandro, the man Teddy is currently talking to up there and tells Roxanna about the impounded shipment. She knows about it and isn't surprised to find out "Matthew" was behind that. The reason he's telling her this now is so she can help convince Teddy that he needs Matthew's money. Or as he phrases it: "Matthew Ellis is the man he needs."

Chrissy: Oh, I think you were doing a good job of convincing him of that yourself, dear.

Matthew says he needs a meeting in three days and if she can swing it, she will get away clean. "You can either get me inside his operation or you can tell Teddy everything." Teddy comes back down and interrupts them before they can say anything else. Roxanna asks how that meeting went. Teddy says "he won't play", then apologizes to Matthew that they have to leave. Before he can drag her away, Matthew hands her a business card and invites her to "discuss things further over a private drink." Teddy snatches the card out of her hand and puts it in his wallet, which we zoom in on to show a copy of the picture of the woman Jonathan found in Roper's things. They leave and the camera spins around Jonathan for a second while the dissonant horns bleat.

Chrissy: Hmm, yes. I don't know what that guy meant by "barely" pulling this off.
Diandra: Well, it would look better without the tie. Maybe just a black t-shirt...what? Why are you looking at me like that?
Chrissy: So you don't realize you just paused it and spaced again while you imagined those alterations you described?
Diandra: Ugh. Damnit.

Chrissy: I mean, you could also just lose the tie. I can think of some better uses for it.

Jonathan meets Sally in the lobby of the hotel. She's looking around noting the accommodations he has. He asks how hers is. She says it doesn't have air conditioning and carpets are sticky. He tells her to make sure she locks her bedroom door. She's like 'yes, I am well aware of how potentially dangerous just existing as a woman alone is, thanks.' He says the prosecutor stopped to visit tonight and rejected Teddy's offers as instructed. "Good boy," Sally smiles. "I think we can trust him." Jonathan says Roxanna was there too, but he's handled it. "She's getting me inside Teddy's set-up."

Chrissy: Possibly by getting me inside Teddy.

Sally asks if he trusts her. Uh, no. "But she's all we've got."

Chrissy: You spent all of two minutes throwing yourself at him and you already give up? Quitter.

He says he still doesn't have anything "concrete" on Teddy's past.

Chrissy: Well, a good lay might loosen his tongue. Maybe you could give that a spin.

He asks if Sally got anything on his import company. She says it seems clean. What Roxanna told them is checking out so far. She says she'll keep working on it though.

Chrissy: And you could try a little harder too. Dress a little sluttier maybe...
Diandra: This is going to be a very long recap, isn't it?
Chrissy: ...make it clear you will put out on the first date...
Diandra: So you're just going to ignore me.
Chrissy: .....hm? Sorry, did you say something? I was busy with my little headcanon over here.
Diandra: Clearly. I'm starting to think that little speech about how you were doing this to distract me from our shitty reality was a lie and you really just want to prompt me into writing whatever fic you're trying to dream up here.
Chrissy: Both of those things can be true.

Next day. Probably. Jonathan goes out the back door of the hotel, stealing a shirt and hat on his way through for some reason. He walks to a private detective's office - Martin Alvarez. He introduces himself in Spanish as Max Robinson, the guy who called earlier. Martin is like 'ah, yes, clearly English. You can stop trying to speak Spanish now. Spare my ears.' Jonathan gives Martin his copy of the picture of the woman in Teddy's wallet and hires him to find her.

River House. Basil and Mayra are going through Rex's files. He apologizes for it still being messy, but he had a really hard time sorting it because Rex was "unorthodox" in his record keeping. She's like 'yeah, whatever. Did you find anything weird?' No. She suggests he go home and leave this with her and the "team". He agrees easily enough. Like someone who doesn't at all suspect she might be working for the enemy.

He goes to meet with a real estate agent showing a flat just down the street from the one Mayra was secretly meeting in. He goes right to a window overlooking the street to check the view of the MI6 house and says his client will take it. Immediately. With six month's rent paid up front. He sets up some cameras in that window immediately after she leaves.

Back in Colombia, the private investigator takes Jonathan to the church in the background of that woman's picture. We know the significance because Jonathan deliberately takes the copy of the picture out for comparison for the benefit of the audience. Also for the benefit of the audience I guess, he prompts Martin to explain his unease right now. "I was a cop for ten years. I had this crazy idea that the police were meant to arrest the bad guys. I learned my lesson the hard way."

Chrissy: Oh, you mean all those copaganda shows the Americans put out are LYING about cops being the good guys?
Diandra: I know. Wild, right?

He takes the picture from Jonathan and goes to ask a group of people nearby if anyone knows her, which he assures Jonathan someone will because it's a small town.

We briefly check in with Sally, going through international shipping tracking on her laptop to put some space between that scene and the next.

And they're at a cemetery, where Martin points to a stone for Maria Luisa Vidal, who died in 1995. Jonathan notes that she was young. Not even 30. He picks up the fresh rose laid in front of the stone and a woman appears to demand in Spanish why he's asking questions about her mother. He asks what her name is. She says Clara and switches to English to ask again who he is and what this is about. He pulls out the picture of Teddy and asks if she knows who he is. She says he's her brother Eduardo, but she hasn't spoken to him in 30 years. Jonathan says he might be in "trouble" and as a friend, he is trying to find him and asks if she can help.

This leads him to a monastery where the priest says yes, they had a boy named Eduardo here 30 years ago, but he left when he was 16 and hasn't been in touch. Jonathan prompts him for more information about how Teddy ended up in their care, but the priest says they try not to get involved in family scandals. Because this is all just a really obvious delivery of exposition, Jonathan asks if he had any visitors. Yes, his father. An Englishman who visited once a year. Jonathan lights on this detail because we all know where this is headed, right?

Martin drops Jonathan back at the hotel. He meets Sally in the lobby. She demands to know where the hell he's been. Taking in the sights? He cuts her off with a hug, loudly calling her "darling" and asking how her day was. She stares at him like 'I don't know what this is, but I'm not objecting.'

Chrissy: What, no kiss?

He mutters that they have "company", pointedly looking at a guy sitting nearby who he identifies as "one of Teddy's." She fills him in as they walk on what she found: that this shipment is just the latest of five over the past couple years through Roxanna's company in Miami. Previous shipments had 20 cargo containers, but this one only has one and it seems to be the LAST shipment. She says they need that cargo list Teddy has in the briefcase so they know what they're dealing with here.

Jonathan herds her into his room, looks around a bit for anything suspicious and turns on the TV for cover noise. He says Teddy is Richard Roper's son, the product of some fling he had with a married woman while gun running in Colombia in the 90s. They changed his name and sent him to a monastery, but yeah. He's taking over his dad's business. Sally is like 'okay, focus here. We need to get that shipment before they do and then maybe you can worry about whatever this is.' The phone rings. It's Roxanna telling Jonathan that she found him an in and she will pick him up for lunch tomorrow.

Chrissy: Wear something that really highlights your assets if you know what I mean.

But, she stresses, Teddy can't find out about this because he could kill her. Jonathan assures her she'll be safe.

Next day. Sally meets Alejandro on the metro. He passes her the picture of himself with his face crossed out in red ink that was delivered to him last night. She says they're just trying to scare him. He's like 'yeah, no shit, and it's working.' He asks what this is all about. She says the cargo container he impounded is some sort of illegal British weapons import. And since there were five others before this, someone has a shit ton of weapons and they need to know who and why. She says there's something about a deadline they're trying to make here...code name Anniversary. Alejandro says that might not be a code name because the ten year anniversary of the peace talks is coming up in a week. She repeats that they need to get inside that container. He reminds her that the military tied his hands on that. She asks if it would help if she found proof of the containers' contents...like a list. He nods.

Diandra: Does it feel like they're being really hamfisted in setting up the plot of this thing?
Chrissy: Yes, but not all of us think like Sherlock Holmes, sweetie.
Diandra: No, I mean...like the weird shoehorning of Jonathan tracking down Teddy's mother suddenly breaking up the pacing. Like they're not able to reveal details like that in an organic manner so they just toss things in like BY THE WAY THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER PAY ATTENTION. It didn't work the first time I saw this because my ADHD brain just cannot hang on to details like that [ETA: still can't. I just had to go back and correct the last couple paragraphs where I mistakenly referred to the PI by the prosecutor's name], but when I'm recapping...
Chrissy: I just assumed there was another obvious reason you weren't focused on the plot.
Diandra: Well...yeah, that too. Obviously. I think everyone here - particularly the director - is aware of what a large chunk of the audience is here for.

Speaking of which, Jonathan is having lunch with Roxanna at a restaurant while Teddy's goon very obviously watches from another table in the corner.

Diandra: And here's another detail I didn't notice until someone pointed it out: watch the line on Tom's wine glass. It magically refills every time he sets it down.
Chrissy: Honey. He's got the top buttons of that slutty white shirt undone and you think I'm going to pay attention to the GLASS?
Diandra: Point taken.

Roxanna says as long as that bank account is frozen, the company is very interested in him and his money, so kudos on that plan. She notes, as he drinks from the dwindling contents of the wine glass, that Teddy has noticed he has an alcohol problem. And because alcoholic = uninhibited risk taker, he thinks Matthew would be willing to loan him some money. Like 20 million dollars. Jonathan pretends this amount gives him any hesitation. Roxanna says she needs a guarantee that she can disappear once he gets what he wants though. They can't call her as a witness or try to make any sort of deals or anything. "I was never here." He drinks from his magically refilled glass and agrees.

Oh, has he now?

So she drives him to this rich man's villa, greets the guards at the entrance and tells Jonathan "these boys will take care of you" before disappearing into the bathroom. Jonathan is like 'yeah, okay' and wanders around a bit, shaking their hands casually and noting that the place looks like "the fucking Hollywood Hills." One of the guards calls to Teddy that his "guest" has arrived. Jonathan does a double take as he spots the briefcase on a chair through the open door to the bedroom.

Chrissy: Okay, so now that you know you have to find a way to get into Teddy's bedroom...
Diandra: That was delayed. I expected you to say the guards would show him right to the bedroom a minute ago.
Chrissy: Yeah, sorry. I think the fact that they actually are leaning into the hoyay here for once is throwing me off my game. But seriously, wouldn't it have been quicker to go right for the honeypot op here?
Diandra: Yeah, um...sorry, as a non-religious asexual I have to ask: would that even work with that huge fucking Jesus on the crucifix mounted on the wall over the headboard? Is that supposed to discourage any sexual activity or would tying Jonathan to that headboard add some sort of catholic guilt that would make fucking his brains out even hotter or something?
Chrissy: ....................okay, can we talk about how specific that question was?

Teddy finally comes down and greets "Matthew", looking at him very predatorially and immediately offers him a drink. Roxanna comes out changed into a dress with a neckline that plunges to her navel and joins them on the patio and one of the guards hands Matthew and no one else a drink. Matthew asks what's with all the bodyguards anyway. Teddy teases him about being "afraid" and tells him not to worry.

Chrissy: They can watch, but they can't touch.
Diandra: They keep the keys to the handcuffs.
Chrissy: Okay, am I going to have to take over this recap? Because one of the circling plot bunnies is CLEARLY taking hold of you.
Diandra: I'm fine.

Matthew asks how Teddy and Roxanna met. Teddy says they were at a party in Miami and they danced for hours and he just offered her the Barquero commission right then and there. Matthew is like 'oh? One dance gets a multimillion dollar deal?' Roxanna purrs that she's "one hell of a dancer." "I bet you are," Matthew says suggestively.

Chrissy: Feel free to take that as a challenge to show him what kind of dancer YOU are.

Teddy takes Roxanna's hand and says the bottom line is that that was five years ago, which proves just how LOYAL he is. He turns his full attention on Matthew and notes that he left England in his 20s like he was running from something. He leans over him and asks what he was running from. Matthew chuckles and says it's none of his business. "You were in the army for a while." Matthew says he left. Teddy corrects that he was kicked out for "bad behavior". Then he spent 10 years working for a private Swiss bank in Hong Kong and split three months ago without any explanation. "Some people would call that questionable." But, he notes that Roxy likes him. She laughs. "No, I didn't say I liked him."

Chrissy: I believe my exact words were "he has a face I could sit on, but I'd be too tempted to just smother him, so...best not."
Diandra: .......was that from Deadpool?
Chrissy: Maybe.

She says she agreed they could work together. Teddy says cool, then he has an offer. His only condition is that they not ask any questions of each other. "Everything is trust...a leap of faith." And if Matthew says yes, he can double his money in three months. Matthew pretends he needs to think about it and takes another slug from his glass. Because they don't need to rush things, right? Teddy is like 'oh, you like it slow, do you? Fine.' Roxy orders someone to bring them some champagne.

And we jump right to Matthew slugging it right out of the bottle. One of the guards brings a tray with a pile of cocaine over and he eagerly snorts some. Roxanna makes noises to the guards about going easy on him. Teddy teaches Matthew a toast involving pouring out some of the champagne for "the dead ones" and calls for another bottle while Matthew drinks the rest of the glass. Roxanna pulls Teddy close to mutter "you're going to kill him, poor thing." Matthew snorts some more cocaine and starts staggering. He's talking to one of the guards about sports while another one turns his back and pours something in his champagne glass, which Roxanna watches pointedly. Teddy hands it to him and stands behind him, stopping him as he goes to pour some out again and helping tip the entire contents down his throat. Then he kisses Matthew's forehead and slips away and Jonathan gets a look like 'shit, that was roofied, wasn't it?'

The sun goes down and Jonathan watches blearily as Teddy and Roxanna dance. He staggers over to Roxanna and mutters "help me". She shoves him off her and he falls into the pool. He just floats there for a minute, having flashbacks, until a guard drags him over to a ledge. Teddy sits on that and pulls Matthew into his lap, obviously concerned that he's just flopping around limply. Teddy strokes his hair and gently asks who he really is and why he's here. "You can tell me everything. You're safe here." Jonathan blinks up at him dopily and slurs "I've come for you...hv cleaning the money." Teddy keeps petting his hair and face. He asks what money he means. Jonathan says the 600 million he lost. He rolls his head toward Teddy and huffs that the Swiss aren't happy. "So they kicked you out," Teddy murmurs, reaching to stroke Jonathan's hand. He asks how he has money to invest then. Jonathan hums, arches his neck and murmurs that he hid 25 million in a special account they don't know about. He manages to move one arm so he can make a shushing gesture, both on his own mouth and Teddy's. "I'm not real. You're not real." Teddy pets his face as he concludes that this is why Matthew needs to clean the money. "I can help you to do that. If you trust me." Jonathan blinks up at him innocently and with the music sounding entirely like church organs now whispers "I trust you. Make me clean."

Emilio: Holy shit, you weren't kidding about the hoyay.
Chrissy: Hey, you made it. Yeah, I had to take over the recap a couple minutes ago. Shit, I forgot to note where I did that. Whatever. I'm starting to worry this recap might break her. She was getting distracted by some head cannon involving handcuffs a couple scenes ago and now [gestures]. By the way, he's wacked out on alcohol and drugs here. He might have actually been roofied. So this is giving some very 'sorry my hands are damp, but you'll get used to it' vibes.
Diandra: [jolts] Would you STOP trying to invoke that scene in every...where's my keyboard? When did Emilio get here?
Chrissy: Welcome back.
Emilio: She texted me a half hour ago because she was worried. Something about a parrot?
Chrissy: You wanna talk about why you just became unresponsive and made a noise like a balloon deflating? I mean...I totally get the mixed wiring that leads to people getting off on pain, but I'm not sure what this is.
Diandra: Actually, I read somewhere that it makes sense for asexuals to be drawn to the hurt/comfort trope in fanfiction because it involves a lot of non-sexual intimacy. I thought you were taking that into account when you said this show was going to "push all of my buttons" this season.
Chrissy: Kind of, but I think I grossly underestimated your response. That explains why your first website had a whole page devoted to an archive of those stories.
Emilio: Also why she had such a weird reaction to the whipping scene of Pirates of the Caribbean 2.
Diandra: Jesus, you actually remember that shit? Every so often I think about that and wonder what the hell is wrong with me.
Chrissy: Okay, well, as far as kinks go I'd say that's pretty harmless. And so is that scene you had in your head earlier involving Teddy defiling Jonathan under the crucifix.
Emilio: What now?
Diandra: [nervously] Let's just move on to the next episode, shall we?
Chrissy: If you think that's going to help, you obviously don't remember much about the next episode.
Emilio: Sounds promising. I'll go make popcorn.
Diandra: No thanks, I'm not hungry.
Emilio: Oh, it's for me.
Diandra: [sarcastically] How did I ever get so lucky to have friends like you guys? [snatches keyboard from Chrissy] [mutters]

This is the picture on the IMDB page for the episode.

Episode 3

The previouslies are especially focused on reminding us of the major players names and relationships to one another. Teddy is Roper's son. Adam is a middleman working for they aren't sure who yet. Mayra is this season's MI6 mole who thinks Jonathan is dead. Basil is keeping an eye on her. Alejandro is the prosecutor helping them by impounding a shipment and freezing Teddy's bank accounts. Jonathan is playing an alcoholic banker with a shit ton of money that happens to need laundering. Teddy drugged him nearly unconscious and fondled "Matthew" in his lap while prying this backstory out of him. And for a guy who apparently said the name of his dead girlfriend in his sleep the last time he was this vulnerable, he manages to maintain his cover convincingly. The previouslies reduce that last conversation down to Teddy offering to "make you clean" and Jonathan whispering "make me clean" from his lap.

Chrissy: Yeah, I forgot to say that he DEFINITELY wants to get him all dirty first. Make it worth it.
Diandra: [angry cat hiss]
Emilio: I mean, obviously he's already all wet, so...
Diandra: Don't HELP her.
Emilio: But it's fun!
Chrissy: Bonus points if he can do it under that crucifix so it feels extra dirty before washing away the sins.
Diandra: [banshee scream]
Chrissy: Okay, there's the angry parrot thing again. YOU are the one who started that headcanon!
Emilio: I think she's trying to stop her muse from running away so she can get through the recap.
Diandra: [points at Emilio]

Someone dragged Jonathan out of the water and plopped him face down on a bench to dry out. Literally and/or figuratively.

Chrissy: I know this is probably to prevent him from choking on vomit or whatever, but it has the added bonus of allowing them to admire his assets.
Diandra: [heavy sigh]
Chrissy: Oh, like you aren't looking?

We hear Teddy talking in the background as if though Jonathan's ears: all echo-y and accompanied by a thumping heartbeat. He tells a guy to take the briefcase to Paloma in Cartagena and come right back. She'll know what to do. He sticks his head out to the patio and Roxy giggles that Matthew is still unconscious, but she can look after him. Teddy tells her to stay with him and make sure he's okay. Then, lest we think he does this out of actual concern, he adds "I need his money." The camera gets real close to Jonathan's face and his eyes open.

We go right to Roxy bringing Jonathan back to his hotel room and asking how the HELL he managed that. Presumably she means taking a nearly lethal combination of chemicals and only PRETENDING to be nearly paralyzed by it. He doesn't answer and suggests she stay with him tonight because that's probably what they expect. He says there's spare clothing in his suitcase. For a woman? Just how much of this did your people anticipate?

Chrissy: Just trying to cover all the ways a spy might have to seduce the mark.
Diandra: ..............
Chrissy: Right?
Diandra: Oh, you were waiting for me to give the punchline that all the dresses are in his size in case that turned out to feed into Teddy's kink?
Chrissy: You could at least try to work with me here.

We get a gratuitous shot of him shirtless while he washes his face in the bathroom. And then she puts on one of his shirts and takes a turn in the bathroom while he sits mostly naked on the bed.

Diandra: Notice how quiet Chrissy is now, Emilio?
Emilio: I think she may have stopped breathing...[touches Chrissy]
Chrissy: What? I didn't say anything!
Diandra: Yeah, her brain is just overheated. She should reboot in a minute. This is the thing about this show being for the female gaze. And whereas last season had lots of nudity and as many sex scenes as there were episodes if I remember, this one has no actual sex and all the nudity is just...Tom. Who everyone is going to great lengths to point out is so pretty that everyone wants to climb him like a tree. Which is why I figured you wouldn't be interested, Emilio.
Emilio: Oh, I'm always interested in something that turns the two of you into drooling idiots. Also, that lady wearing nothing but a large men's shirt is hot.

He texts "Jane" that the shipment has gone to Cartagena, then lays back and waits for Roxy to crawl into bed with him. He asks what's in the shipments. She's like 'I already told you I don't know. What, did you assume I was lying and would be so overwhelmed by the proximity to your naked body that I would be compelled to tell you everything now in the hopes that you would let me climb on top of you?' "British weaponry," she says. "Under the counter."

Chrissy: So..........to answer the question you just asked...

He rolls to face her and tells her to tell Teddy tomorrow morning that he agrees to the deal, but he has business meetings so he'll have to sign the contract in Cartagena.

Chrissy: You could have told him yourself if you had played this whole thing differently. And yes, that is an attempt at a fic prompt, Diandra.

The paths they keep choosing for this story make sense once you realize it is the only way they can put the pieces together in a certain way and make it fit: he wants her to help get the proof of the shipping container contents.

Chrissy: No, see...again, that could have been much easier if he had just fucked Teddy's brains out and looked in the briefcase himself once Teddy was in the shower or something. Assuming he wasn't still tied to the headboard.
Diandra: That plan would've been scrapped the minute the case left the building. Just having him stay with Teddy instead of going with Roxanna wouldn't be enough to work. You would have had to change direction earlier. [pause] I mean...
Chrissy: Ha! Gotcha with that one.
Emilio: That would be the other reason I don't mind being here. Watching you sic the slash bunnies on her is its own entertainment.

Roxanna rolls toward him and stares him down. She repeats that she wants promise that if this works and she gets him in the operation, she can get out clean. "I'll tell you when you're done," he snaps.

Chrissy: [squeaks] Yes, sir.
Diandra: [heavy sigh]

"I don't even know your fucking name, but let me make something clear," she snarls. "You are not the one in control here."

Emilio: That sounds more your speed, Christine.
Chrissy: Oh, I can let him have a turn first. I'm flexible.
Diandra: [loud annoyed groan]
Chrissy: But yes, I still have that image of Loki in perfect submissive pose on my phone.

She rolls away and he just stares as we smash to credits.

When we come back, Jonathan prompts Roxy in voiceover to tell him about the company office. She says they have high security and a LOT of surveillance. She has a pass to get into the main building, but there's a private annex in the rear that they have a passcode to and that's where the briefcase will be.

Chrissy: Ahem. Yes, I can help you get in the back door, but I really think this is something you could have done yourself last night and saved everybody a whole lot of trouble.
Diandra: [stops typing, closes eyes, takes deep breaths]
Chrissy: Oh, we're back to this now?

We get quick establishing shots of Sally and Basil preparing for whatever they need to do with this mission in the background.

Jonathan tells Roxy he needs the code for the annex and the serials for the CCTV. She laughs that he's "very demanding".

Chrissy: Yes, and in the right context that can be a very good thing.
Diandra: Please stop.
Chrissy: No.

They are at the Cartagena port and "Matthew" is wearing a suit that is all shades of grey and blue with, like, the top two buttons undone. In a possible effort to one-up this, Teddy arrives with a similar outfit all in shades of brown and tan with so many buttons undone that if he moves wrong you could probably see both of his nipples.

Chrissy: He saw the way Roxy was dressed and decided to try to one up her. 10/10. No notes.
Diandra: I guess this answers the question of who is the bigger slut.
Chrissy: Honey? In my experience, the more buttoned up and proper they are, the bigger their kinks.

Teddy guides him toward the building and Sally notifies Basil that their "boy" is "entering the castle" and they need to get the money ready to go. Basil asks how much they need. Sally tells him to transfer 20 million to the Belize account and she will hold it to "buy him some time."

Teddy introduces Matthew to Paloma, the woman he had the briefcase turned over to, while Roxy makes a point of noting all the surveillance cameras. Paloma asks to verify his ID and he gives her his passport and takes off his sunglasses with a flourish worthy of Horatio Caine.

Chrissy: Urk. Don't invoke David Carusso right now. You're ruining it.

She sits him down in the office and hands him three copies of the document and points out which pages he needs to sign. Teddy leans over him and tells him to take his time because they don't need to rush this.

Chrissy: I know how you like things slow...

Jonathan looks at the papers and notes that it is written up as a donation to Teddy's charity. Teddy is like 'you wanted clean.'

Diandra: Did he lose a couple more buttons on the walk up here?
Chrissy: Just wanted him to be aware of what he could have had last night if he had planned better.

Jonathan asks about the other document and the camera focuses on a paper with the name Matthew Barnaby Ellis across the top and who the hell chose THAT for a middle name? Teddy says it's for his ownership share of a new company, which is how he will get his money in three months. "With a laundry ticket," Jonathan says. Teddy winks.

Basil transfers the money. Jonathan signs Matthew's name on the documents. Roxy tells Paloma she needs a copy of those papers for the bank in Miami and follows her out of the room, noting the passcode she enters on the door. Juan says they just need the money now. Jonathan says he needs to call the bank in Belize. He goes to call and Juan orders him to put the call on speaker. Luckily, they seem to have expected this because Sally answers with the bright voice of a customer service employee named Rebecca, reading from a script on her screen. Jonathan says he needs to authorize a transfer to the Aurora foundation. She prompts him to enter numbers, asks how much he needs and tells him it could take up to 12 hours thanks to some data checks they have to perform for security reasons. Juan, Teddy and Roxy don't look happy about this. Jonathan hangs up and Juan confronts him about this delay he didn't say anything about before. Jonathan says he doesn't make transfers that large on a daily basis, so he didn't know that would happen. Roxy tries to diffuse him by saying, in Spanish, that Belize has strict banking rules and it's okay. Juan hisses, also in Spanish, that they expected the money tonight. Teddy, in English, assures them that it will be fine while staring at Jonathan. He swaggers over and puts a hand on Jonathan's shoulder, declaring that he and Matthew TRUST each other. "You'll stay as our guest until the money enters our account."

Emilio: I trust you, which is why I will be holding you prisoner until I have the money you promised.
Diandra: Yeah, that.
Chrissy: Hey, while you have the video paused...check out Tom's eyeline.
Diandra: [snort] Okay, so obviously Teddy's seduction efforts are not completely lost on Jonathan.

Emilio: Eyes are up here, buddy.

Of course, this nervous response to the delay is part of the plan, so Jonathan just chirps "happily" and Teddy tells Roxanna to take Matthew to the hotel and make sure he's comfortable.

Chrissy: Soft restraints only if necessary, but mostly I just need a fluffer.
Diandra: Pffft, no he doesn't. He knows it only takes a little pharmaceutical help to get him all wet and pliable.
Emilio: [loud snort]
Chrissy: Okay, what is UP with you today? Are you changing the way you react every time to try to throw me off- oh god, that's exactly what you're doing, isn't it?
Diandra: Maybe. Also, Teddy keeps looking at Jonathan like a starving dog who is going to eat the HELL out of that meat someone keeps dangling in front of him.
Chrissy: [stares for a minute] You're right. He doesn't need any assistance. He can devour Jonathan as slow as he likes.
Diandra: [stares back] [eye twitches]
Chrissy: And then -
Diandra: Okay that's enough.
Chrissy: Yeah, I thought so.

A newscaster voiceovers more details about the situation with the president of Colombia. Jose Cabrera was accused of paramilitary activity against the government and is now a fugitive hiding somewhere in the jungle.

Emilio: Are you sure we can avoid bringing politics into this?
Diandra: No, but we're doing our damndest.
Chrissy: It's fiction, so even if it does eventually force us to address current events, we can use it as an escape because we know that the good guys will eventually win here.
Diandra: Yeah, probably not by the end of this season, but this is only the first half of the story, so.

Alejandro calls Sally to tell her that Teddy's men are watching his apartment now. Not even being subtle about it. He can see one just sitting in his car outside. Sally assures him that "Max" is working on getting the shipment list and they just need a little more time.

Chrissy: Again, he could have HAD them by now if he had run this op more efficiently.
Emilio: Max? How many names does Tom's character have in this show?
Diandra: Too many, yeah. I saw a round table discussion among several actors after the first season where everyone was talking about the challenges of filming things out of order and when they turned to Tom he was like 'yeah...not only was it out of order, it was in multiple locations and I had about three different aliases so the director was meeting with me every morning to try to orient me to who and where and when I was supposed to be.' And everyone else was like 'okay, you win.'

Alejandro says they have 24 hours and then he's just going to release the shipments because he's had enough of this shit.

Jonathan and Roxanna go back to the hotel (new to him, but probably not to her), where Jonathan notes Teddy's guy "Viktor" is already sitting outside his room. Viktor - who I think is the one who spiked his drink - grins at him like 'yeah, I will know if you so much as sneeze.' Jonathan unpacks the suitcase all over the bed before getting a text from "Jane" that the prosecutor is getting twitchy and they only have 24 hours. He walks stiffly past Viktor, who holds up a pair of nail clippers and says "I borrowed this from your suitcase, I hope you don't mind" in a manner that makes it clear this is just a power play. They can go through his shit any time they feel like it. Jonathan brushes it off like that isn't weird at all and knocks on Roxanna's door, smilingly offering to go for a walk. "Show me the ocean."

So they walk along the beach with Viktor following completely conspicuously a couple yards away. Jonathan has an arm around her and nuzzles closer to murmur that if this is what Teddy does when he trusts someone, he would love to see what distrust looks like. Does she have the code for the annex? She drops her head on his shoulder like she's gazing adoringly as she recites it. She pulls a paper with the serial numbers for the cameras out of her bra and puts her hand on his chest to pass it off, smiling and hissing "you better be good for the money." He asks why she's involved in all of this. She's like 'uh...money. Duh.'

They sit at a little bar where the television plays another update on Jose Cabrera. Location still unknown, but search teams of police and military are on it. Jonathan smiles at Viktor and mutters to Roxanna that they need to lose him. She asks how they're supposed to do that and he just stares at her, stroking her hair until she gets the picture. She nuzzles his face and mutters that she wants immunity. He agrees she was never here. Figuring Viktor should have gotten a clue by now, he flags him over and asks if he can have some privacy while he takes her back to the hotel room. Viktor shrugs and says yeah, sure. "I mean, how long can an Englishman take?"

Chrissy: I believe we have well established his preference for slow here.
Emilio: Yeah, but I can see how that would be difficult with a hot Latina.
Chrissy: Hmm, true. Probably goes for the hot Latino too. Although if he's comfortable with cocaine, I can think of at least one thing he could do to compensate for that.
Emilio: Is she okay?
Chrissy: Who, Diandra? Yeah, I think she's back to meditating.
Diandra: [not opening eyes] No, she's just...praying to a god she doesn't really believe in that she can get through this recap.

MEANWHILE. Back in London, Basil goes to his newly acquired surveillance spot. When Jonathan gets back to the hotel (and apparently changes into an all black outfit again), he texts him the serial Roxanna gave him so he can hack the cameras.

Jonathan grabs a bottle of champagne before Roxanna arrives and greets her with "we don't have much time." She jokingly asks if all his girlfriends get this sort of treatment, then is like 'no, scratch that.' "You don't have anyone, do you?" "Do you," he shoots back, popping the champagne cork. She's like 'oh, deflection. That's fun.' He instructs her to order another bottle delivered in an hour and left outside the door and asks for her pass card. She very slowly pops...I don't know, a breath mint?...and asks how she knows he's not playing her. He's like 'yeah, ditto.' She smirks and hands it over with a warning to be careful of night security outside. "You're worried about me?" he teases. "No," she snorts. "But if they discover who you are, I'm dead. So no mistakes." He sneaks past Viktor sitting downstairs, down some back steps and over a wall.

By the time he gets back to that building, it's getting dark, which explains Roxanna's warning about night guards when it looked like the middle of the day outside. He waits outside and texts Basil for verification that he has "shut the eyes". Basil hacks the security cameras and turns them off. Jonathan dodges a guard, uses Roxanna's key card to open the main door and punches the code into the panel by the annex door. He gets the briefcase out of the closet, but it's already empty.

Chrissy: And again -
Diandra: WE KNOW. He could have done this before with a honey pot and avoided headache.
Chrissy: Just saying.

Teddy's voice outside tells someone he needs to make a phone call and Jonathan scrambles to put the briefcase back and dive under a desk before the door opens. Teddy takes off his jacket and wanders right up to the desk Jonathan is under as he calls "Mr. Hanson". "I've decided it's time to lose the prosecutor. We'll find a replacement who'll release the cargo. I need a meeting with Gilberto and his friends for full approval." And because the plot requires we make this as easy as possible here, he specifies when and where that meeting should take place: tomorrow at a hilltop restaurant. He hangs up, finds a paperclip on a table and jabs it into his arm. "Forgive me father," he whispers in Spanish before leaving the room. Under the desk, Jonathan relaxes.

Sally gets a text from "Max Robinson" that just says "find Gilberto Hanson."

Roxanna is watching television on the bed when Jonathan returns and marches right past her into the bathroom. She's like 'nice to see you too, asshole.' She asks if he got what he needed. He pulls the sim card out of his phone and flushes it down the toilet, then marches past her again to get the champagne bottles and the glasses while she tries to get his attention, starting to get pissed off. She follows him back to the bathroom where he's pouring champagne into the glasses and dumping them down the sink. "Excuse me, I asked you a question," she snips. He dumps the rest of the bottle and says he has a question for her first: who is Gilberto Hanson? She says she doesn't know. He opens the second bottle of champagne and pours it directly down the sink as he says he's working with Teddy. Roxy is like 'cool. Still don't know him.' Jonathan notes that she knows very little about this company she's been working for for five years. She says fine, she's heard the name, but she doesn't ask questions about things she doesn't need to know and she never met him. He growls that she's lying. She tells him to fuck himself, she held up her end of the deal. He says yeah, well, that turns out to have gotten him nowhere because the briefcase was empty and WHERE IS THE SHIPPING LIST? She snaps that she doesn't know. And she doesn't know any Gilberto and she doesn't know why they are buying weapons or who is paying for any of it because Teddy likes to keep things separate and only tell her what she needs to know.

He is chasing her a little around the room through this line of questioning and he finally grabs her and accuses her of playing him. She shoves him off her. He slams her into the wall and yells that people have died for this. "People I loved!" She yells at him to stop touching her and they stare at each other panting for a moment. She says she's going to take a shower so everyone thinks she needed one when they go back downstairs in 20 minutes. She grabs his face and snarls that the money had BETTER come through in the morning or she will tell them everything. He impotently says "I wouldn't do that if I were you," as she goes to leave. She says she'll take her chances alone since that's been working so far. She storms out and we focus for a second on Jonathan, who now has frizzy hair and really dilated pupils for some reason.

Chrissy: I feel like last season this would have led to a hate fuck.
Diandra: Possibly. I appreciate that it doesn't, but even better is the fact that, as I saw someone point out, they fixed the damsel in distress problem of last season. Roxy is far from a helpless pawn for Jonathan to save from the bad guys. She's another player. Which is also the advantage this series has over James Bond, even if it is similar. James Bond is about cool gadgets, sexy women and male power fantasy. This has the advantage of actually having a PLOT.
Emilio: Oh, you're here for the PLOT? Really?
Diandra: Yes, I believe last season I said something about enjoying the Good Spy Loki VS Evil Arms Dealer House plot and treating the eye candy as a bonus. But considering the way my brain is slow to pick up on details, I probably reached the same point as the person on Bluesky who, by, like, episode five was saying "I have no idea what is going on anymore, but Tom is pretty so I don't care."
Chrissy: Oh, so you admit that you watch this show to drool over Tom now?
Diandra: No, I said it was ONE of the reasons.
Emilio: And the hoyay is a bonus.

Pictured: "plot"

Elsewhere, Sally visits Martin's office. She introduces herself as "Jane", reinforcing that these are the names they are using for this mission as far as some of the players are concerned. She says she's friends with Max Robinson and they would like to employ him for the next few days for a special job. $5,000, no questions asked. He thinks that sounds great, but..."who are you?" She says he can't ask that.

Alejandro looks pointedly at the guy parked across the street as he goes into his building. The guy just waves.

Jonathan arrives at a restaurant and finds Juan sitting alone at a table. He asks if Teddy is joining them. Juan says he's on the way and asks where Roxanna is.

Chrissy: Recovering feeling in her legs.
Diandra: [stops typing. Eye twitches]
Chrissy: Ask Viktor how long an Englishman can really last.

Jonathan, now fully in Matthew persona, grabs a bottle of wine before belatedly asking "may I?" Juan says he thought he had a headache after that toxic concoction last night. Oh, did somebody say that was the reason for the sunglasses at some point? "Hair of the dog," Matthew smirks. Juan asks if he "enjoyed" his afternoon suggestively. Matthew asks if he's jealous.

Emilio: That you were banging a gorgeous woman or that you had the stamina to do it for so long? Because yes.

He says he's "protective" and suggests Matthew have some respect for Roxanna because she isn't just a pretty face. Matthew asks what that means. Juan says she's a "true Colombian". "On the battleground you have to take sides. Roxanna has taken ours." And not just for the money. "You should ask what happened to her father." He slaps an envelope marked "Air France" on the table. Matthew asks what this is for. Juan says he is going to fly back to Paris once the money comes through. See his daughter. "Don't take it personally, but we don't want you here."

Matthew takes them and perks up when Roxanna appears in a strapless, backless dress with a low plunging neckline.

Emilio: [noise of a balloon deflating]

Matthew kisses her hand, staring at her hungrily. Again, not to be outdone apparently, Teddy arrives in black pants and a tight fitting, gauzy shirt unbuttoned to his navel.

Chrissy: Ha. Okay, you were right, Dee. He is the bigger slut.

Teddy notes that this is Matthew's last day in Latin America. And also calls him Mateo pointedly. Matthew says yes, and he was hoping to "let my hair down a little". He guzzles his entire glass without taking a breath while Teddy pulls Roxanna out onto the dance floor. They gyrate languidly while Matthew stares over a refilled glass (different glass, different color wine so I don't think it's a mistake this time). Juan notes the look on his face and asks if he's jealous.

Chrissy: Obviously, but of WHO?

He assures him vaguely that he doesn't have to be. But Teddy and Roxanna are all over each other in a way that really illustrates George Bernard Shaw's description of vertical expression of horizontal desires.

So about five seconds later, Matthew appears beside them, having ditched his suit coat and asks if he can cut in. Roxanna ditches Teddy, who goes over to dance with someone else for a while. Jonathan murmurs in Roxanna's ear that they're flying him out in the morning. "That's not my problem, is it," she sing-songs before spinning and spooning back into him. He murmurs in her ear that if she wants immunity, he really needs the contents of that briefcase right now. "Don't fucking threaten me," she says directly into his mouth.

She turns again and sways with him at a...somewhat respectable distance. And then Teddy reappears and plasters himself to her back, staring into Jonathan's eyes as she leans into him. Instead of the probably expected two men fighting over a woman scene though, Roxanna just...slips out and presses against Jonathan's back while Teddy plasters against his front.

According to the recording of our recapping session, this is followed by about a minute of nothing but Latin music and no typing. None of us have any idea what happened during this time.

..........help.........

Emilo: Wow, you really weren't kidding, were you? [pause] Hello? Oh. You're both gone, aren't you? That figures. [popcorn crunching]
Chrissy: [groan] Sorry, what was the question?
Emilio: [gesturing at Diandra] Do you want to take over, or...
Chrissy: I really am afraid this recap might break her. Dee? Can you hear me, sweetie?
Diandra: [mumbles something completely incoherent]
Chrissy: DIANDRA!
Diandra: [startles so hard she nearly falls out of her chair] I DIDN'T DO IT. Um...ah...I mean........................what?
Emilio: Should we take a break and try that again? Do you need that change of underwear you keep in your purse, Chris?
Chrissy: Ha! No, but I think I do need to splash some water on my face.
Emilio: Notice she did take her purse with her though.
Diandra: [buries head in couch pillow and groans loudly]
Emilio: Yeesh, you're not even complaining about me bringing that up again. This must really be doing a number on you.

Chrissy: Okay, I think I'm good now. I left an Easter Egg on her bookshelf on my way back. Let's see how long it takes her to find it. Is she still making that balloon deflating noise?
Emilio: Yes, and it's starting to worry me.
Chrissy: Really makes you wonder how she manages to write pages and pages of gay porn with one of his characters, doesn't it?
Emilio: It also proves that we were right last season when we said the wall banging scene would affect her more if it was a man in place of Jed.
Chrissy: Yeah, that would have killed her. Okay, I'll give it a shot or we'll never get through this scene...[takes keyboard]

So Roxy is draped over Jonathan's back and Teddy is pressed entirely to his front and they are just short of making out. Jonathan leans into him and then suddenly he's turned the other way around and Teddy is mouthing at his shoulder while he reaches back and grabs his ass. Or lower back, I guess. And then the camera switches again and their faces are pressed together until Roxy inserts herself between them and Teddy has to turn his focus on her but still manages to eyefuck Jonathan over her shoulder.

Chrissy: Sweetie? Can you take over writing again or do you still need some time to cool down?
Diandra: [distantly]....think I read an article that described it as two alpha males challenging for dominance...
Chrissy: Um...Dee? Are you back with us?
Diandra: [blink] Huh? Oh, uh...right. Recap. [takes keyboard]

Or...whatever. The way I misremembered that is probably telling.

Chrissy: Can guys actually get "measurements" by pressing their dicks together?

Cut back to a table where Jonathan is lighting up a cigar because of course he needs a smoke after getting dry humped like THAT. Teddy is also lighting up while staring at Jonathan in a way that is not at ALL suggestive.

Chrissy: Is this slow enough for you, Mateo?
Diandra: [groan]

Juan is rambling about how the idea of one man and one woman being completely faithful is bullshit. Matthew cuts him off to ask "you know the real problem with human beings?" He looks at Teddy so it's clear he wasn't asking anyone else. Teddy bites: no, what?

Chrissy: They crave subjugation. They were made to be ruled.
Diandra: Oh, fuck off, Loki.
Chrissy: You will KNEEL. Sorry. Continue.

Teddy prompts Matthew to continue and he says human beings are "genetically dishonest". "From the moment we're born everything is lies. As babies, we feign pain. As children, we cry crocodile tears. Later, we pretend to seek goodness or truth, but it's all for self-interest. We're animals, out for survival." Teddy blows smoke, grunts and possibly contemplates whether Freud was on to something because BOY does this guy he's trying to seduce remind him of his father suddenly.

Matthew turns to Roxanna and offers them as an example. They took a nice long walk along the beach and then went back to the hotel and... He lets everyone assume just how hard they tried to bang a hole in the wall behind the headboard. "Now, don't take this the wrong way. You're gorgeous. But you're not in love with me."

Chrissy: Sorry, what does "love" have to do with anyone's desire to fuck your brains out?
Diandra: Yeah, we're going to keep confusing love and lust here. Which is the other thing humans tend to do.

Anyway. He acknowledges that they are both using each other. In fact, all of them are. This whole thing is "theater and we're acting our parts." Juan asks if he can "act" a little quieter because everyone in the room can probably hear him. Matthew doesn't lower his voice at all as he argues that at least HE has the decency and "honesty" to admit that he's a lying fraud manipulating them all to get what he wants. He shouts "I'm a fraud" in Spanish and Roxanna snaps at him to shut up. Teddy calmly asks what he's lying about, exactly. Matthew says he knows there's a shipment sitting in port nearby that claims to be machine tools, but he knows what it really is full of. He winks at Teddy and imitates the sounds of a machine gun. And he must have a problem like...someone is on to this and he needs to threaten or bribe or whatever to make the problem go away. He's totally cool with that and promises they will have that "charitable donation" soon that will help. He just wants them to know he isn't an idiot. Teddy applauds sarcastically, announces "this night is over" and gets up from the table. Matthew splutters at his retreating back that he's just telling the TRUTH here. Juan tells Roxanna they should go because Matthew has a flight in the morning. He walks away too and Roxanna dives at Jonathan like WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! "Like you said, it's none of your business," he snots.

After they have all left him alone, Viktor approaches and asks Jonathan to come with him. Jonathan blusters that he can find his way back to the hotel room. Viktor is like 'that's cute that you think that's where you're going right now' and flashes the gun in his waistband.

Basil is messing around with security footage when Mayra texts him to meet her at River House IMMEDIATELY.

Juan and Roxanna go to the annex. Juan asks the guard if anyone came down here this afternoon. Guard is like 'just Teddy that we know of.' Juan tells him to check the cameras and Roxy trails Juan into the room, asking what this is about. Juan says after that little tantrum Matthew threw, he wants to make sure everything is where it should be. He makes her look away while he enters the code on the safe, pulling out the papers that were in the briefcase. Roxanna insists Matthew didn't say anything to her and she didn't realize how much he knew. Juan demands to see her phone and asks what happened earlier. "Did he get you drunk?" She says no, she got HIM drunk and it doesn't matter because anything he found out was BEFORE he met her. "Did it occur to you that he's just smarter than you?"

Chrissy: Also bigger. Just thought you should know that.

She says they knew the risks of taking money from him, but they REALLY wanted that money for whatever reason they won't tell her about, so. Juan snarls that the only reason she is here is because of his loyalty to her father. She snarls back that she is WELL aware of that. The guard comes back to repeat that there isn't anything on the CCTV footage. Juan orders him to show him and they disappear so Roxy can be alone with the files. She scrambles to run the shipping manifest through the copier before Juan comes back. Juan orders her back to the hotel and says she'll be going back to that villa prison in the morning and back to Miami within a few days. "And just to be clear...you won't see Matthew Ellis again."

Chrissy: I think she's probably good with that, actually.

Viktor drives Jonathan out to the port again and marches him to a boat with a gun in his back. Teddy is waiting on the boat, changed into a regular black t-shirt so you know he means business.

Basil meets with Mayra, who is still acting friendly and offers to get him coffee or something. She says she's been looking through Rex's files and there doesn't seem to be much of them. Basil apologetically agrees. Mayra, looking at him sideways, notes that there's this one email that he sent to an Andrew Birch nine years ago...it was deleted, but they found it anyway. Basil just nods like he has no idea what this is about. She says the email talks about a Luxembourg bank account with 300 million dollars and what is that about? Basil shrugs that he was just tech support for Rex, so he would have had no reason to tell him anything. Mayra asks if he can access the account because "I'm a bit concerned Rex wasn't telling me everything." Basil says he'll work on it on Monday. She says she needs it sooner.

Sometime later, Basil (as "customer support") messages Sally that they're having problems with the money and he needs to pull the funds now.

Tense, dissonant music plays as we switch to Jonathan getting frisked and tied to the anchor of the boat. Teddy menaces that it is EXTREMELY easy for someone to just disappear in his country, so Matthew should keep that in mind as he explains how he knew all those things he told them earlier. Jonathan is like 'how about no?' Teddy immediately rages and bends him over the side of the boat screaming "who the fuck are you?"

Diandra: And here is where I saw an interview that made me think of you, Chris. Tom said that they agreed the way they should do this scene is Diego would actually try to throw him overboard while Tom just pushed back. The main check to prevent him from actually being thrown over being a safeword he would say if he thought he was in actual danger.
Chrissy: Hmm, yes. Safewords are good, but we generally use stoplight colors because it's more universal.
Diandra: Uh...okay...but -
Chrissy: But you were trying to prompt me into making a joke about what Tom's safeword might be?
Emilio: Svadilfari, probably.
Chrissy: [blinks in confusion]
Diandra: [snort] Sleipnir's dad...
Chrissy: Oh, for fuck's sake, we're back to the horse mpreg?
Emilio: Did we ever really leave it?

Jonathan yelps details of Matthew's backstory but throws in a couple new details that align it with his own: he wasn't thrown out of the army. He was military intelligence in the middle east. Which wouldn't be on the record for reasons Teddy is welcome to guess at. Bottom line: he knows how to find things out about people.

Chrissy: And how to kill them and make it look like an accident.
Diandra: No, don't bring Henry into this and make it confusing.
Chrissy: But the parallels are so obvious! Even now when you finished the story years ago and I'm not sure what that means.
Emilio: That means she's a good writer.
Diandra: Well, it means I did my job as a writer correctly. I had a firm enough grasp of the character tha-
Emilio: That's what she said.
Diandra: ................
Chrissy: Pretty sure that would be what HE said, but you were saying, Diandra?
Diandra: I'm not sure what I was saying anymore. Oh. The thing people don't understand about fanfiction writing as opposed to "real" writing is that characters aren't created in a vacuum. Henry was equal parts Jonathan, Thomas Sharpe, the "Sherlock" versions of Mary and John and Sydney Bristow. You see the parallels because he was a tortured spy with questionable morals trying to make up for a dark past and I wrote him in a way I could imagine Tom Hiddleston playing him. [blink] Why did I just let you drag me into a long tangent about fanfiction? Damnit.

Jonathan says he chose Teddy specifically because he knew he would be a good target for cleaning the money, which he will absolutely have in an hour. Teddy smarms that it better be because "that's the only way you come out of this alive."

Basil needed to transfer the money back so he could show Mayra the full 300 million that had been sitting in that account for a decade. We flip between that, everyone sitting around waiting on the boat, and Sally anxiously pleading with Basil to put the money back so she can transfer it. Basil suggests making a transaction to a "shadow ops account"...like...in Belize...say...20 million? If anyone asks questions they can investigate THAT and see what turns up. Mayra says she wants to get a "consult" on that and he shouldn't do anything until she tells him to. He suppresses an 'aw fuck' face.

Teddy checks the account when whatever time they've determined they needed to wait has passed. He rounds on Jonathan because there's still nothing. Jonathan stammers that there must be a mistake. Sally tries to call him, getting nowhere, and screams at "customer support" that they need the money NOW. Jonathan babbles that it must be after bank hours or something and they aren't able to transfer the money because it's DEFINITELY there. Teddy screams that he's lying and he's BEEN lying since they met. One of the guards tosses the anchor over the side and Jonathan starts yelping.

Basil, now...somewhere else, gets a phone call from Mayra confirming he can make the transfer. He puts the 20 million back. Sally transfers it and Teddy's phone dings while Viktor is tipping Jonathan over the side. He calls the assassination off and they catch the anchor weirdly easily and untie Jonathan from it. Jonathan glares at Teddy and asks what the hell happened to trust? Teddy orders them to get him up.

And then Teddy is driving Jonathan somewhere and asks if he's hungry and needs to stop somewhere to eat. Jonathan is like '.....okay...entertain the bipolar murderer I guess...'

Chrissy: I mean, there isn't that much difference between him and his dad, really.
Diandra: Except that his dad is irredeemable. Teddy is debatable, but because of the way this plot is laid out, that isn't as clear now as it will be in a bit.

Teddy says he needs to do something first.

They stop at a church so Teddy can take communion and I immediately think of a thing I vaguely remember seeing a comedian say once. Something about bigots insisting that homosexuality is WRONG and their religion is VERY CLEAR about that and then on Sunday it's all "get on your knees and take the body of a man into your mouth."

Emilio: Oh, THANK YOU, now I'm going to be thinking about that the next time I go for communion.

Jonathan tries to just wait in a back pew, but Teddy insists on dragging him up to do it too.

Chrissy: Come on. Take the body of a man into your mouth, Mateo.

After they both have a go, Teddy pointedly makes the sign of the cross over "Matthew" and touches his lips like he's making him kiss a rosary.

Chrissy: And now that we have made ourselves spiritually clean, I can take you back to the villa and start over with the sinning that will require you to do this again next week.
Diandra: Is that even how any of that works?
Chrissy: How would I know? I'm Jewish.
Emilio: Confession booth is more common when it comes to Catholic themed porn, but sure.

.........hoyay......

They go to a cafe and stare at each other silently for a while, eating. Teddy finally admits that he really was going to kill Matthew back there. "You have no idea who I really am, do you?" He alludes to a lifetime of shady activity to make money and "blood feuds". Jonathan asks how that started. "I think I was born into it." His Mexican mother died young, leaving him to be raised by priests. He ran away when he was old enough and immediately got into gangs and spent time in jail. Jonathan asks where his father fit into any of this. Teddy grumbles that his father "was there as much as he could be" but he died six years ago. Jonathan does the obligatory 'sorry for your loss' dance before asking what he was like. Teddy smiles. "He was an Englishman. Just like you."

Chrissy: No, really. JUST like you. I've already said a couple hail marys for sinning in my thoughts with you specifically because of that.
Emilio: I haven't been to confession yet because I'm afraid saying "forgive me, father" will just set me off again.
Chrissy: I'd probably just end up picturing you in a priest collar and get all worked up again because we KNOW that would be hot and OOO! "Essex Serpent"!
Diandra: No. Absolutely not. I am not recapping six hours of boring melodrama while you make rude comments about HotPriest!Tom.
Emilio: I haven't seen it, but just based on the name I would assume there would also be dick jokes.
Chrissy: Oh, I would make sure of it.
Diandra: And that is why it will never happen.

Jonathan feigns surprise and asks what an Englishman was doing out here. Teddy shrugs and says same as him. "You don't want to know, Matthew." He winks. Jonathan leans closer and says "try me." They stare each other down some more. Teddy looks around, leans closer and says he's building an army. Jonathan prods him for more details, but obviously he means orphan child soldiers. Jonathan asks who the army is for. Teddy is like 'that's enough questions.'

They take a helicopter back to...wherever. Jonathan looks pointedly at the flight manual stuck between seats that has a flight code and date stamped on it and seems to be signed by Gilberto Hanson.

Teddy drops him in front of the hotel and hands him back his phone with instructions to not leave his room. He'll drive him to the airport in the morning. Jonathan asks where he's going now. Teddy says he has a business meeting outside of town.

Chrissy: If I didn't have other plans already, I would stay and make sure you don't leave the room, obviously. I'd barely let you leave the bed. See if you can last longer than you did with Roxy. Really take things nice and slow...
Diandra: You can keep prompting my muse all you want. I'm not writing that fic.
Chrissy: See, you always say that, but then months later I get a text with a link to AO3 that says "this is all your fault".

Jonathan teases that he's always working and Teddy says he has a problem he needs to fix. They hug and Teddy calls him "my friend."

Emilio: So as you said earlier about what he means when he calls people his "friends"...
Diandra: The "with possible benefits" is implied, yes.

Jonathan goes inside and sits at the bar near where Sally is waiting.

Chrissy: Nice slut walk there. How was your day?

She is glad to see he's still alive, but notes that they still don't have the list. "What happened?"

Chrissy: He decided to do this the hard way?

Jonathan says Teddy had some trust issues and asks where Alejandro is. She says he's at home with constant surveillance from the goon across the street. Jonathan says he should just stay calm because Teddy won't do anything until he gets the green light tonight at that meeting. He jots down the flight code for the helicopter and passes it to her so they can track it to the secret hilltop restaurant where that meeting is. He pointedly adds that Gilberto Hanson will be there and he's beginning to suspect that guy is behind everything. Sally is like 'yeeeeaaaaaah, about that.' She shows him the data she pulled up on Gilberto. Turns out he died in a crash 17 years ago on some sort of arms smuggling mission. Jonathan sighs, frustrated, and asks why Teddy is calling him now then.

Sally cuts off this whole line of deduction by noting that someone is standing at the other end of the bar staring at them. It's Roxanna. Jonathan goes to drag her someplace quieter and asks if she came alone. She says she managed to sneak away, but she can't be long because there's a taxi waiting outside. They go into a back stairwell and she hands him the copies of the manifest. The camera focuses on some of the details of various weaponry. She says that's what he wanted, right? He flips to the back page marked "Office of Strategic Defense. River House Defense Division" while she says she's flying out tomorrow and as far as he's concerned they never met. He agrees, but can't leave well enough alone apparently because he asks why the hell she's working with these people. She repeats that it's about money. He says Juan told him to ask about her father. She gets a bit doe eyed and says he died when she was little because he refused to pay a guerilla for protection. The body was delivered to her and her mom. "I watched them dump him at the gates." She wipes away a tear as he concludes that this is when she fled for the US. She says she should leave, but then gets really close to him. "I have a bad record with people I get close to," he murmurs. "Me too," she agrees. And then Sally interrupts before they do anything stupid because Teddy has just taken off in that helicopter.

So Jonathan apparently takes the time to go upstairs and change clothes before Martin picks him up to follow the tracking Sally gets on the helicopter. By nightfall, they are in the middle of nowhere. Jonathan asks if she can see anything. She says there's a large house nearby and she just did some research that pulled up the name on the deed and it's Gilberto. Jonathan asks if there's a restaurant around here. Luckily, she can only find one and it's a mile away. She guides them past a sign saying the road is closed and Jonathan gets Martin to let him out a safe distance away, ordering him to turn the car around and be ready to go at a moment's notice.

Jonathan creeps up to a back entrance veranda set up where a couple guys are talking in Spanish about their guest arriving and "tell Gilberto". Teddy greets the general outside, expositing that the restaurant has been closed all day for their benefit. And then Jose Cabrerra, the guy the news keeps saying is a fugitive from justice hiding in the jungle, arrives and greets the general and Gilberto, who hasn't said anything audible yet. Teddy says their "issue" with the prosecutor should be fixed tomorrow. Jose...I think...asks if they're sure nothing can be traced back to them. Teddy promises he will make sure of it. Jonathan takes out his phone and starts taking pictures from the bushes while they talk about how Alejandro's replacement will lift the impoundment and they will get the final shipment as promised "just in time for the Anniversary. And you will have your war."

Jose asks "Mr. Hanson" if he really has confidence in Teddy to do this. "Absolutely," Hugh Laurie's voice chortles and Jonathan nearly drops the phone while the soundtrack bleats some dissonant cords. Roper steps into view as he adds that he's known Teddy a VERY long time and "he's never let me down and he never will."

Chrissy: Which explains why they released the first THREE episodes all at once, I guess, even though that was a full half the season.
Diandra: Yeah, I did see a couple people expressing more interest after that twist, but that might have more to do with the fact that everything is more stretched out and plodding this season. Like...the entire first episode was just set up and flashbacks of the first season. That's one of the things a lot of series initially based on books seem to do. The first season of "Handmaid's Tale" blew through the entire book and everything after that was really drawn out.
Emilio: Is that still going? I kind of gave up on it.
Diandra: No, it ended a year ago. And I'm using it as an example because even though it was plodding for a good chunk of every other season, the ending was satisfying and brought it full circle. Partly, I'm sure, it helped that Margaret Atwood was involved in extending the story and even wrote a sequel in the middle of production. LeCarre was also involved in extending beyond his original book right up until he died a few years ago. Both seem less like a shameless cash grab than a genuine desire to tell more of the story.
Emilio: Something you can relate to as a fanfiction writer.
Diandra: Basically.
Chrissy: I mean...it still is a little bit of a cash grab in the sense that the popularity of the first season prompted a demand for more, but it isn't SHAMELESS. And all indications are that it worked and might win some more awards.

Emilio: I'm amazed that we've managed to avoid talking about politics considering the way the plot seems to be going.
Diandra: Yeah, well. It turns out that focusing entirely on the fictional story to avoid addressing reality is more effective than I thought it would be.
Chrissy: And focusing on the hoyay parts was an even better distraction. You're welcome.
Diandra: You really need to stop pretending throwing fic prompts at me is some sort of noble duty you are taking seriously.
Chrissy: Whatever. I'm just happy to help bring you back to writing, whatever form that takes.
Emilio: Seconded.
Diandra: I love you guys too.

When I was typing the part of this recap where I apparently lost consciousness, I was prompted to go look for that "Easter Egg" Chrissy told Emilio she left for me. Turns out she was messing with the Marvel dolls I made. I found Loki and Doctor Strange like this:

Honestly, Stephen looks so alarmed...

I texted her to ask if this was supposed to be a sex thing or a gloating humiliation thing. She just laughed and asked if it inspired any fic ideas. I really do wonder what I did to deserve her sometimes. And I'm still not sure how I mean that.