Lord of the Rings

Spoiler ratings guide here (opens in a new window)

"The Fellowship of the Ring" (or: Pretty, Pretty New Zealand )
Elijah Wood treks all the way across New Zealand in real time to destroy an evil ring. Slashiness abounds. Orlando annoys the hell out of me.
Spoiler rating: 1 (2)
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"The Two Towers" (or: Clang clang clang)
Nobody is anywhere near destroying the ring yet, but at least the special effects are getting better and half of the movie is taken up by one *long* battle sequence that is actually pretty cool. Aragorn and Legolas all but declare their love for each other and Orlando continues to annoy the hell out of me.
Spoiler rating: 1 (4)
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"The Return of the King" part 1, part 2 (or: Oy, the Cliches)
After much angsting and laboring, the ring is *finally* destroyed and it's about damn time. The special effects are leagues better than the first two movies combined, but the script pretty much makes me want to bash my own brains out with a hammer, so I guess they balance each other out. In other news: Orlando finally stops annoying the hell out of me.
Spoiler rating: 1 (0...okay, maybe a 2)


"The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug" (or: Let’s Milk This Sucker for All It's Worth)
Peter Jackson returns to the Tolkein well and drags out one relatively short story for another whole trilogy of movies. There’s a LOT of filler involved, but half of it involves Evangeline Lilly being a badass, so I can kind of forgive it. Also, there’s a dragon, a revelation about the Great Flaming Vagina and an appearance by the least memorable Doctor.
Spoiler rating: 1 (2)