Spoiler
ratings guide here
(opens in a new window)
"The Fellowship of the Ring"
(or: Pretty, Pretty New Zealand )
Elijah Wood treks all the way across New Zealand in real time to
destroy an evil ring. Slashiness abounds. Orlando annoys the hell out
of me. Spoiler rating: 1 (2) [pic1, pic2]
"The Two Towers" (or: Clang
clang clang)
Nobody is anywhere near destroying the ring yet, but at least the
special effects are getting better and half of the movie is taken up
by one *long* battle sequence that is actually pretty cool. Aragorn
and Legolas all but declare their love for each other and Orlando
continues to annoy the hell out of me. Spoiler rating: 1 (4) [pic1, pic2,
pic3, pic4,
pic5]
"The Return of the King" part 1,
part 2 (or: Oy, the Cliches)
After much angsting and laboring, the ring is *finally* destroyed and
it's about damn time. The special effects are leagues better than the
first two movies combined, but the script pretty much makes me want to
bash my own brains out with a hammer, so I guess they balance each
other out. In other news: Orlando finally stops annoying the hell out
of me. Spoiler rating: 1 (0...okay, maybe a 2)
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"The Hobbit: The Desolation
of Smaug" (or: Let’s Milk This Sucker for All It's Worth)
Peter Jackson returns to the Tolkein well and drags out one relatively
short story for another whole trilogy of movies. There’s a LOT of
filler involved, but half of it involves Evangeline Lilly being a
badass, so I can kind of forgive it. Also, there’s a dragon, a
revelation about the Great Flaming Vagina and an appearance by the
least memorable Doctor. Spoiler rating: 1 (2)